I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don’t worry it’s not the end of the world. —Jay London
Photographers love most of our clients, but the nightmares come when unreasonable requests are made
We like you. We really, really like you. Photographers love their clients, especially repeat clients who keep coming back for portraits or other special imagery. We love clients who understand the value of what we do, who don’t keep needling us when it takes longer than expected to finish their pictures, and especially the ones who tell their friends that they need to use us as well. These are the people for whom we might consider bending the rules every once in a while, and for whom we’ll at least consider their more outrageous requests.
Then, there are the nightmares. These are the clients who are never satisfied with their pictures, the ones who question your quality, whether you even know what you’re doing, and claim that their four-year-old could do better. We stay up at night fearing the client who trashes us to their friends, but then comes back again and has the audacity to ask for a discount or special service that you don’t normally offer. These are not nice people.
Yet, as professionals, we are supposed to take the nightmares with a grain of salt, keep a smile on our face, and attempt to say no to their requests while re-directing them back to our stated policies. I was amused earlier this week when a sponsored article popped up in my Facebook newsfeed offering a chart with answers to the most common objections photographers face. The chart was created by Joy Vertz, a portrait photographer based in Mequon, Wisconsin. The advice she gives is solid. However …
What We Say Isn’t Always What We’re Thinking
Ms. Vertz is one of those lovely, positive, go-get-’em people who doesn’t take no for an answer. She smiles, redirects, restates, and closes the sale. She’s successful both in terms of her own photography business and also with helping other photographers who are struggling. I’ve never met her, but I’m sure she’s a wonderfully nice person who could sell a block of ice to a resident of the South Pole. Some people just have that right attitude for selling.
The rest of us, however, struggle with closing sales. Not all of us are natural-born salespeople. In fact, the more creative we are, the more difficult it can be for us to function in a business capacity. We work best when someone else handles all the sales closing stuff, leaving us to take the pictures and be creative and occasionally do some really amazing work. Dealing with anyone who is the slightest bit contrarian isn’t our strong point.
As I was reading through Ms. Vertz’s list of objections, I couldn’t help thinking, “Yes, that’s what you should say, but that’s not what I would be thinking.” I’m one of those people who does better when Kat closes the sale. She’s friendly, cheerful, and can keep a smile on her face even when talking to a complete idiot. I can’t. Stupid people make me want to throw things. So, I thought it might be fun, since it’s Saturday and if you’re reading this after 8:00 AM you’re probably not out shooting today, to consider what we would actually like to say to clients who cause us nightmares. The objections come from Ms. Vertz’s list. I don’t have time to address them all, but this should be enough to make my point.
You are too expensive. I can’t afford you.
Wrong. You don’t want to pay me for the value of my work. You want a discount. You always want a discount. Yet, you’ll pay $8 for that freakin’ latte you’re holding. You down what, three of those a day? I’m not too expensive, you just have really lousy priorities, are selfish, and fail to value anyone in the service industries. Go away. I don’t have time for you.
I just want a disk of images
Why? Because you want to share them online (which is fine if you’ve paid for the disc) or because you want to take them to the drug store and get really crappy prints instead of paying my prices? Or even worse, you’re not going to try printing them on your home inkjet, are you? After I’ve spent hours getting the tonal and color quality of your images just right, you’re going to ruin them by printing on some non-calibrated crappy little no-name printer you picked up at a garage sale? And then you’ll complain because the pictures don’t “look right.” Please.
Just put them online for us to look at
Damn, you’re lazy. If you think I’m going to wait around for months while you do everything but choose your proofs, you’re crazy. Make a decision already. Chances are you’re going to go with your first choice, anyway. Better yet, let me decide for you. You’re too distracted to pay attention to what you’re doing. You’re giving me a headache.
[By the way, Joy’s answer to this one is spot on:Â To have an online gallery is $500 which applies 100% to your order placed within 1 week. It is $25 for each additional week. ]
What is the cheapest way I can get an image for Facebook?
Take a fucking selfie like everyone else? Pay for a session and we’ll happily give you permission to use the finished photos online with appropriate credit. Re-edit the picture or fail to give credit, though, and I’m SO going to bitch. Okay, not really, but I’ll think bad thoughts about you and complain about you to my dog.
Can I see all the photos?
Uhm, no. Part of my job is to make you look good. You know, remove the blemishes from things like really bad acne, or removing those horrid dark circles from under your eyes because you don’t sleep, eat horribly, smoke like a fucking chimney, and drink three bottles of wine a night. You come here wanting me to make you look flawless and glamorous like a model. So no, I’m not showing you all the photos.
You don’t mind that I brought all of our cousins along, do you?
Uhm, YES! First of all, pull those kids off the props. This is not a fucking playground. Do I look like someone who has the patience of a preschool teacher? You do realize there’s no way I’m getting five toddlers all looking in the same direction at the same time, even if I had a puppy. I’m going to need half a bottle of scotch after we finish this one and you had damn well better buy the largest package we offer. Your child just peed on my carpet. I hate you.
We really love our clients.
Of course, we would never actually say any of those things to anyone’s face. We do our best to be polite and nice and not curse too much in front of children.  At least two-thirds of our clients are really wonderful people. We enjoy working with them. However, we keep having nightmares. Every photographer I know has nightmares.
If you look on our home page, where we describe our services, we provide the instruction: Please be sure to communicate your needs fully to avoid any surprises. One of those surprises is that we will charge an additional fee to clients who are especially difficult. If someone is going to be a complete pain-in-the-ass, they’re going to pay for that experience.
Now you know what we’re thinking. Be a good client, not a nightmare. Thank you.
5 Things You Should Know: 01.07.17
06:02:29Â 01/07/2017
https://youtu.be/4MvFw37SdSk
No rest because of the wicked
Ah, Saturday, we’re supposed to have a little lighter fare today, aren’t we? I’m afraid that’s not going to be possible. For those of us here in the Midwest, we’re waking up to temperatures at or below zero, which makes being out at all for any length of time rather dangerous. It’s not going to get much warmer, either, as highs today will still be well below 20 degrees. Be thankful that you’re not in the Carolinas or Eastern Tennessee, however, as they got socked pretty hard with a winter storm yesterday. Fortunately, it was not as widespread as initially feared.
For a Saturday there are a surprising amount of things to talk about. Indianapolis had two more murders overnight. The president-elect is attempting to pick on Arnold Schwarzenegger over television ratings, and prison gangs in Brazil decapitated some 30 inmates as the violence there continues to escalate. These are not the type of things we like to deal with on a Saturday, but they are things you need to know. So, adult up and let’s look at our top 5 things you should know.
This isn’t supposed to be possible
Americans were taken aback yesterday when 26-year-old Esteban Santiago of Anchorage, Alaska, a National Guard veteran who served in Iraq, stepped off a plane in Ft. Lauderdale, FL, retrieved his legally-checked baggage, pulled out a gun and started shooting1. Witnesses say there was no apparent motive or reason to his shooting. Santiago simply shot at anyone and everyone until he was out of ammunition. By the time he was done, five were dead and eight others injured.
Immediately, people begin asking how and why this happened here, in Ft. Lauderdale of all places. Naturally, it’s too early to have all the answers, but a couple of things are evident at this point. First, Santiago’s family states that he had been receiving mental health care and that he “wasn’t right” after returning from Iraq2. This isn’t the first time we’ve heard of soldiers having emotional and mental difficulties after returning from service. We also have to realize and come to grips with the fact that the mental health care we give our veterans sucks. If mental health proves to be part of the cause, then we all have to accept part of the blame.
At the same time, many are wondering how he was able to get a gun through the airport in his luggage. Guess what: it’s perfectly legal. Guns can be shipped in checked luggage as long as they are locked, ammunition is stored separately, and shipped in a hard-sided container. All Santiago had to do was retrieve his hard-case from the baggage area. He then went to the bathroom, assembled and loaded the weapon, and came out shooting. It’s up to the ATF now to determine whether this calls for a change in the rules. I think a lot of people flying would support that.
Russian hacking isn’t done
The National Intelligence director released a declassified copy of the same report given to President Obama and the president-elect yesterday, and what they are saying is a bit more frightening that what we first thought. There is a lot of information in the report, of course, but one of the most troubling items to stick out is the prediction that, even though the election is over, the Russians aren’t done hacking3.
The report is the most detail we’ve seen yet from national intelligence sources concerning the source and severity of Russian-backed hacking efforts regarding the election. According to the assessment, intelligence agencies have a “high amount of confidence that the GRU (a top Russian intelligence agency) relayed material it acquired from the DNC and senior Democratic officials to WikiLeaks.” While the public version lacks the supporting evidence, since that is necessarily a closely-guarded secret, the information made available makes a very strong case against the Russian government and Vladimir Putin.
Contents of the report stand in strong opposition to statements made by both the president-elect and WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange this week4, both of whom denied any involvement by Russia in the election. However, what you should know is that the report is the combined work of 17 different intelligence agencies with thousands of people involved at various levels. This is much more in-depth and authoritative than a tweet pulled out of someone’s ass.
Retail continues to suck
While the store will continue to operate online, the website is showing a 50% discount across the board, indicating a severe inventory sell-off as stores begin shipping back whatever is left on their shelves when they close Sunday evening. This is a huge blow not only to the retail sector, but also to the suburban malls in which most Limited stores are located. As both retail fashion and mall shopping decline, they leave in their wake a significant blight of empty stores and large, vacant buildings.
This doesn’t come as a big surprise to The Limited’s employees. The company had announced back in the fall that it would be closing some stores and laying off employees. Both the CEO and CFO left at the end of the year with no replacement. Some stores have already been offering steep discounts up to 90%. If you have some expendable cash, this might be a good day to go shopping, but don’t expect there to be much left. No new inventory has come to the stores since the first of the year.
Other people looking for work
The Limited employees aren’t the only ones looking for work. United States Ambassadors appointed under the Obama administration are expected to resign and return home by January 206. The mandate applies only to politically-appointed positions and not career diplomats. On one level, this is pretty much business as usual during a presidential transition period.
However, what is different this time around is the requirement that everyone actually be back by the inauguration. Typically, exceptions are made for those who have children in school as well as politically sensitive locations such as Germany, Canada, and Great Britain. Failing to leave some ambassadors in place means that the United States has no Senate-confirmed envoys in those countries until Congress gets through the painfully long process of approving the president-elect’s appointments.
The move not only shows complete disregard for the importance of a cohesive foreign policy, but also leaves our closest allies without a diplomatic relationship with the White House. Ambassadors are now struggling to find new accommodations and secure visas for families who need to stay until the end of school.
And finally …
We can end today on a bit of a high note as employment figures released yesterday showed the economy creating 156,000 new jobs last month even as unemployment ticked up a tenth of a percent to 4.77. This is seen are solid growth despite the minor increase in unemployment. Hiring has continued a slow but steady increase over the past seven-and-a-half years, climbing steadily from the recession President Obama inherited from the Bush administration.
Even the unemployment was good news. The reason for that small increase was that more people were looking for jobs during the period, something that had been a point of concern for economists who were afraid too many people had simply given up. Healthcare was the sector with the largest employment gains, with restaurants and bars coming in a close second. Manufacturing finally managed to add a few new jobs last month as well, after having lost the previous four months.
Those who are gainfully employed are also making more with hourly wages up 2.9 percent, the biggest jump in the past seven years. What remains to be seen, of course, is whether this upward trend continues under the new administration. While the president-elect has bullied some companies into keeping jobs in the US, the actual number of those jobs has not been significant and could still result in yet another retreat in the manufacturing industry. We’ll just have to wait and see.
That’s all we have time for today. With weather as cold as we’re experiencing across the Midwest this morning, you’ll want to exercise extreme caution if you get out. Better yet, just stay home, stay safe, and catch up some reading. Â We are, again, taking tomorrow off, hoping nothing major happens over the next 24 hours or so. We’ll be back bright and early Monday morning. Enjoy your weekend.
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