Current Issues / PotD

When Stories Become Nightmares

December 4, 2016

Finding pleasant stories is becoming increasingly difficult

Storytime holds an honored and sacred place in the bedtime routine of millions of small children, including ours. Little man prefers reading his own story now, given that he’s reading at a higher level than twenty percent of American adults. Baby girl, however, prefers having me tell her a story. Not read her a story, mind you. Again, she could read stories herself if that’s what she wanted. Instead, she prefers, demands actually, that I tell her a story every night at bedtime. She won’t go to bed quietly without it.

I have to admit that finding a story that’s sufficiently easy to tell within a reasonable time frame every night is difficult. Some nights, her stories are extremely short, especially when her behavior hasn’t exactly been top notch. Other times, I just start off down a path with a character and see where it takes us. She really doesn’t mind as long as I make a couple of funny voices along the way. For her, it’s not just the story, it’s spending the last few minutes of the day with Daddy, something that is important to a six-year-old.

While I can easily enough make up stories to amuse the Tipster, however, finding stories that I can use here is considerably more difficult. I refuse to be yet another post-truth writer who just makes up bullshit without citing any references. I take seriously what we put online even if no one else does. Finding topics that are lighthearted, though, is becoming extremely difficult.

When I’m telling stories to the little one, it is important to keep them light and simple so as to not introduce anything that might become a nightmare. When I look through the headlines every morning, though, nightmares seem inescapable! Is this how our dystopia begins?

The Nightmare of a Factless World

Before I go off on a tangent here, let me request that if you have not read yesterday’s main article on challenging belief systems, please go and do so now. That article is infinitely more important than this one and has more of the qualities of our normal Sunday morning sermon. Please, I beg you, read and share that article before this one.

The stories I encounter on a daily basis come from a variety of sources, most of which are at least moderately journalistic at their foundation. Typically, the most important stories are listed at the top of a page, like a newspaper, with lighter fare and amusements coming further down the page, or at the back of the magazine. If nothing else, there’s always Reuter’s Oddly Enough section which finds those stories that are a little quirky and unusual. Reuter’s is having difficulting finding those stories, too, though.

Perhaps part of the problem here is the assertion by some that “There’s no such thing, unfortunately, anymore, of facts,” I’m not kidding. That quote comes from a paid CNN contributor talking with NPR’s Diane Rehm. You can read that totally depressing story in the Washington Post. If there is one thing that we have discovered in the past few months it is that approximately 46% of the US population believes a story based on the emotion it triggers rather than the credibility of its information. What that ultimately means is that everything one sees in print or reads on Twitter is now a fairy tale. Nothing is actually true. Everything is make-believe and one can just add to the story as though we were all participating in a giant work of fan fiction.

Unfortunately, the fairy tale we are creating is one full of nightmare-inciting characters and situations. Our minds can’t believe any of this is true and the more we try to make sense of any of it the more we find ourselves screaming out in terror.

When one of the children has a nightmare, they come running for a comforting hug. We have no one to give us that reassurance, though, because there is no one we can trust and there is no waking from this nightmare. We are stuck.

What Are We Talking About?

Tossing and turning and not sleeping at night seems to be plaguing more of us than usual. At the beginning of this year, I would get up at 4:00 AM and almost feel as though I had the Internet to myself. All my friends and associates on this continent were asleep. My middle son, the Marine, would be finishing up his day in Okinawa and we might chat back and forth a bit, or I might engage in brief conversation with an acquaintance in Europe. The whole setup was nice and quiet, making for a reasonably quiet start to my morning.

Today, however, there were three “live” streams taking place in my Facebook newsfeed. I left a comment on someone’s post and was surprised to receive an almost instant reply. The number of people I see complaining of insomnia has risen from maybe one or two a week to four or five every day. This is all anecdotal, mind you. There’s no science behind my observation so it is entirely possible that the finite size of my study group is producing a false result. Still, there’s no question in my mind that there are more nightmares in our world now than there are lullabies.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is a Nigerian novelist and a MacArthur Genius Grant recipient who has been called “the most prominent” of a “procession of critically acclaimed young anglophone authors is succeeding in attracting a new generation of readers to African literature” At least, that’s what it says on her Wikipedia page. I don’t know her personally. She also is an occasional contributor to The New Yorker. In her most recent opinion piece for that publication, she writes:

Now is the time to resist the slightest extension in the boundaries of what is right and just. Now is the time to speak up and to wear as a badge of honor the opprobrium of bigots. Now is the time to confront the weak core at the heart of America’s addiction to optimism; it allows too little room for resilience, and too much for fragility. Hazy visions of “healing” and “not becoming the hate we hate” sound dangerously like appeasement. The responsibility to forge unity belongs not to the denigrated but to the denigrators. The premise for empathy has to be equal humanity; it is an injustice to demand that the maligned identify with those who question their humanity.

Something tells me Ms. Adichie is experiencing the nightmares, too. We want them to end. Yet, each morning when the alarm goes off we find that they continue.

We need better stories

The stories I’m reading this morning are only fueling the well-stoked fire of my ongoing nightmare. Generally, I find the words of Stephen Hawking to be somewhat comforting. He tends to have a rather positive outlook toward the future. This morning, however, I’m reading a recent article of his where he says:

… we are living in a world of widening, not diminishing, financial inequality, in which many people can see not just their standard of living, but their ability to earn a living at all, disappearing. It is no wonder then that they are searching for a new deal, which Trump and Brexit might have appeared to represent.

A bit later he goes on to write:

… we are at the most dangerous moment in the development of humanity. We now have the technology to destroy the planet on which we live, but have not yet developed the ability to escape it. Perhaps in a few hundred years, we will have established human colonies amid the stars, but right now we only have one planet, and we need to work together to protect it.

Dr. Hawking makes a noble attempt at ending the article on a positive “we can do it” kind of note, but this nightmare has stripped me of any faith that humanity can pull its collective head from its pompous and oversized ass. Sure, we can improve our world, but I’m not seeing sufficient desire to actually do so.

Last week (I’m just now getting around to reading it) Ian Buruma declared that we are at the end of the Anglo-American order. He goes to great lengths (translation: it’s a long read) to show just exactly how the US and UK are no longer fit to lead the rest of the world as they have done in the past. He writes:

The self-flattering notion that the Western victors of World War II are special, braver and freer than any other people, that the United States is the greatest nation in the history of man, that Great Britain—the country that stood alone against Hitler—is superior to any European let alone non-European country has not only led to some ill-conceived wars but also helps to paper over the inequalities built into Anglo-American capitalism. The notion of natural superiority, of the sheer luck of being born an American or a Briton, gave a sense of entitlement to people who, in terms of education or prosperity, were stuck in the lower ranks of society.

We’ve lost our grasp on what is real versus what is fantasy. We’ve become so accustomed to making shit up as we go, flying by the seat of our pants so-to-speak, that we think there are no facts because we’re too consumed with the fiction to recognize the reality when it is encountered. We have grabbed hold of the nightmare as though it were an amusement park roller coaster, screaming at the downward spirals and then laughing at ourselves as we prepare to plunge even deeper into the infinity of despair.

I don’t know about you, but I need a break from the nightmare. The stress has become noticeable. Kat has mentioned more than once this past week that I’m snapping at the children, yelling and screaming at the drop of a hat. Granted, I’m a grumpy old man on the best of days, but the stress of this continual nightmare, and the worry that we might never wake up, is removing any sense of pleasantness I might have.

We need better stories. We need stories that are not just fluff but genuinely good news about improvements to the overall human condition. I’m saying that while hoping it’s not too late, that the nightmare hasn’t completely taken over.

We need a break. I fear what happens if this nightmare of a story continues. None of us may be able to sleep ever again.

Art / Personal / Photography / PotD

It’s My Party & I’ll Post What I Want To

December 1, 2016

All niceties are tossed out the window. Nothing about this article is safe for work.

December 1. My 56th birthday. How did I start my morning? By doing children’s laundry. Damn school uniforms. School uniforms don’t make a damn bit of sense for children who are growing so fucking fast that you can barely keep them in underwear. What parent has the money to keep buying and replacing the same clothes over and over and over and over throughout the year? We don’t. So, their pants are either a bit too long or are riding at their ankles. We just ignore the scuffs on the knees.

It’s my birthday and I’m doing laundry at 4:00 AM so that the little ones will have fresh, warm clothes to wear to school. No one ever did that for me. Probably because the washer and dryer were out in the garage. Oh, and Poppa didn’t start getting up at 4 himself until after we were out of the house. If we wanted warm clothes on cold mornings, we had to set our clothes over the heat register the night before. Don’t give me funny looks over that. I know we weren’t the only ones who did it.

Of course, over the years I’ve heard of others trying to warm up their clothes by putting them on or close to space heaters. The results were not pleasant. At the very least, it’s a good way to lose your best set of jeans.

I sometimes look back at my childhood and wonder how the hell we didn’t die. We took risks—lots of them. Many of them with our parents’ blessing, the rest without their knowledge. If I had ever seen one of my boys trying to tight-rope-walk a barbed-wire fence, I’d have thrown a fit. Yet, we did it. More than once. We didn’t stop until I ripped the seam from a pair of jeans. There were dangerous makeshift bicycle ramps, tree houses that were not safe for occupancy, and daring feats of, “do you think that’s safe to eat?” It’s a wonder any of us made it to our 18th birthday. Yet, here I am at 56. Rather frightening.

A good age to die

Actually, it turns out that 56 is a fairly common age for people to start dying. Heartwarming thought, isn’t it? On one hand, there were all the news stories about the world’s oldest woman celebrating her 117th birthday earlier this week. Things like that didn’t happen when I was a kid. We should all be encouraged about our prospects for living a long life. At the same time, however, the list of notable people who died at 56 is a bit too long and too impressive. Death waits for no one, I suppose. Look at these names:

Alexander Pope, 1744
Abraham Lincoln, 1865
Ian Fleming, 1964
Charles Mingus, 1979
Betty Grable, 1973
Steve Jobs, 2011
Ludwig von Beethoven, 1827
John Hancock, 1793
King George VI (The Queen’s father), 1952

Looking at that list is daunting. Consider all that those people accomplished before they died. Here I am, having never been president during a civil war, never written a great spy novel, never composed thousands of musical masterpieces, never acted in any movies, never built a high-tech empire, haven’t signed a declaration of independence (yet), and am not even close to guiding Britain through a war. When I look at what I’ve done compared to all these people had achieved by the time they died at my age, I feel just a bit like a failure.

There is one name I intentionally left off that list. Adolf Hitler was 56 when he died. I guess that’s one thing I have going for me: I’ve not tried to rule the world and killed millions of innocent people. Perhaps I should put a “yet” at the end of that statement. I suppose anything is possible. After all, I once tried tight-rope walking on barbed-wire, you know.

Do we really want to live that long?

While I’m not in any mood to kick the bucket today, at the same time I have to wonder if any of us really want to live all that long. Consider the plight of Emma Moreno, the world’s oldest woman. She hasn’t exactly had a great and wonderful life, you know. Her fiancè was killed in WWI. She married an abusive brute she didn’t like. She kicked him out of the house, and shortly after doing so her only child, a son, died. She worked in a factory until she was 65, which seems young compared to where she is now. She has outlived her eight brothers and sisters. She eats the same thing every day: two eggs, one raw, one fried. Even she admits she hasn’t had a good life.

So, if living long means outliving everyone you love, being left alone in a nursing facility somewhere in Italy, having the only time people pay any attention to you is on your birthday, if you make it another year, or when you eventually give up and die, is it worth the trouble of even trying? I can see wanting to live a long time if we still have our friends and still have our families and can still go and do things that we enjoy. Take all that away, though, and what the fuck is the point? At this juncture, it seems that Ms. Moreno is more in torment than happy. She smiled for the cameras, but she had to force it.

I wonder if we make too much of living a long life. Certainly, as long as there are people around to love, then, by all means, keep going. But when one has outlived everyone of what value is life? I suppose one could claim that they are producing carbon dioxide for the plants and trees. At least that’s something productive, right?

There are still options

I don’t suppose all is lost. Not having been wildly successful by age 56 isn’t necessarily a major concern, is it? Look at all the people who were older when they finally “made it.”

“Colonel” Harlan Sanders was 65 when he started his chicken franchise.
Laura Ingalls Wilder didn’t publish her first novel until she was 65, and managed to get in 12 others after that.
Grandma Moses was 76 when she first slapped paint across a canvas, and she was productive for nearly 20 years.
Edmund Hoyle was around 70 years old when he first began recording the rules of various card games in 1741.

There are several others whose names you likely wouldn’t recognize, like the guy who invented the taser, or the guy who founded Hare Krishna. And how many presidents, including our president-elect, were well over 56 when they took office? Not that I would ever want to be president, mind you. There would probably be a civil war and then I’d get shot. I’ll let Mr. Lincoln keep that dubious honor, thank you.

Still, the point I’m trying desperately to make is that there are plenty of examples of people who didn’t even get a good start on whatever it is that made them famous until they were older and had a good bit of totally unrelated experience behind them. While I’m not sitting on any earth-shattering ideas right at this moment, in theory I’m well positioned to have a brainstorm of some kind that would propel me into the history books. Let’s just hope it’s for a good reason.

Of course, there’s still photography

I suppose, in some sense, all this sounds as though I’m giving up on photography. I’m not, despite how this year has gone. The past four years, for that matter. The number of photographs I’ve taken has been steadily declining, each year being the fewest yet that I’ve ever taken. Rather depressing when one stops and thinks about it. Although, one might say that the reduction in number makes the photographs that were taken all the more valuable. Scarcity can be a good thing, I suppose. Especially after I’m dead.

See, there’s that dead thing again. It keeps popping up.

Part of the issue with photography is a lack of models with whom I can enjoy working. The young woman who posed for the images here, all shot back in 2005, had just turned 21 when I met her. She was lively, adventurous, and willing to pretty much try anything. In fact, there was a lot she was already trying when we met. She was 5′ 10″, perfectly proportioned, and looked sufficiently wonderful dressed, but at the same time didn’t have much hesitancy about getting naked just about anywhere, including once at the ruins in Holliday Park. She understood the artistry and that getting the shots that no one else had sometimes involved taking some risks. As a result, I have a truck-load of archived images that I still enjoy pulling out and re-processing every once in a while.

I need more models like her. We’ve had several over the years, but inevitably, as they get older, they get married, have kids, or take advantage of better offers elsewhere, such as Las Vegas or LA. I don’t blame anyone for improving their lives, but they each leave a special void that is never filled. We once had relationships with our models that enabled us to do some really dramatic and interesting things. No one seems remotely interested in that anymore, though. Without willing subjects ready to step in front of the camera, it is difficult to feel inspired about taking new pictures. Sure, equipment, transportation, and space issues factor in as well, but it’s the litany of muses, the knowledge that for whatever concept I conceive I have the model(s) to pull it off, that is missing.

The Forthcoming Novel

There is no forthcoming novel. At least, not anytime soon. I tried the novel-writing thing in November. I made it two days. Writing a novel, for me, means not being interrupted by chores or children or news or presidential elections or idiots running the stop sign on the corner. Writing, for me, requires that I be able to dedicate my full attention to the process. I need to be able to research everything. Even this article had its share of research, every one of them does. I need to know that the things that I say, the ideas that I present, are at least plausible and preferably possible. I can do fiction, but fantasy is a bit beyond me.

If I ever do complete a full novel, it will be between moments of getting lost in the wonderment of watching cats playing across the living room rug. This morning, it’s the kittens who are leaping and rolling and butt-wiggling all over the place. Their energy is boundless and the entertainment factor is dramatically distractive. I have never been much of a cat person, but the past couple of years with our careful selection of rescued kitties has changed my mind in that regard. They are wonderful little creatures to have around. I can sit and watch them for several minutes at a time, becoming totally lost in their play. Of course, that means I’m not writing a damn thing.

Then, there’s the dog. I love the big guy. He loves me. And sometimes that’s an issue. He wants to play. A lot. And I enjoy playing with him. A lot. I can easily take a couple of hours from my afternoon out in the yard with him, playing tug of war and throwing balls. But again, if I’m doing that I’m not writing, am I? Perhaps I’m gaining little tidbits of information and experience that I might eventually work into part of a story, but I’m not piercing light with pixels (which is the modern substitution for putting pen to paper). Maybe I’ll get around to writing something great and wonderful one of these days, but I don’t see it happening this year, and probably not the year after. There are just too many distractions in life.

What will happen in this next year? Most immediately, I’ll re-work the website a little bit. It’s time to update the template. There’s a new version of WordPress coming out next week, so we might as well get all the kinks worked out of everything at the same time. I’ll move things around a bit, change header pictures, stuff like that. In general, though, I like the layout we’ve been using this year. The number of eyeballs has more than doubled what we had for last year. So, a little tweaking should suffice for the next 12 months.

I would love to shoot more this year, but again, that whole model issue is a concern. Perhaps we’ll meet some people. Perhaps we already have and just don’t know it yet.

Either way, we’ve completed 56 years now. Let’s see what happens next. I fear a new dystopia, but hey, maybe we’ll get cool robot overlords from it.

Advertising / pop culture / video

Trying To Send The Right Message

November 28, 2016

“Buy my stuff” are words advertisers can’t use this time of year. They have to go for a broader message.

I have to be very careful in telling this story because it involves people we really do care about, we just happen to think they are very wrong about some things. Please forgive me if I fudge on some of the details.

About a month ago, I bought Kat a very large and colorful scarf. The scarf was to offset the solid gray suit that she needed to wear for a special occasion. At first, I wasn’t sure how much Kat actually liked the scarf. It was one of those times when, after staring at a wall of scarves, she turned to me and said, “You’re the fashion person here. You choose.” I never know quite what to do with statements like that.

Nonetheless, as it’s gotten colder Kat has taken to wearing the scarf in place of a hat. The scarf is large enough that she can drape it over her head then wrap it around to keep as much of her face and neck warm as she needs. As an added bonus, it doesn’t smash her hair down as a hat would.

This past weekend, she wore the scarf to an event we were attending. As we were preparing to leave that evening, Kat started to put on her scarf and was wrapping it around her neck when someone for whom we care very much said, “You look like you’re about to set off a bomb in that thing.”

We were stunned and left without saying anything further. We know this person to be kind, caring, and very giving. For such an incredibly racist statement to come from her mouth was not only surprising, it hurt.

People all over the country have been saying a lot of hurtful and insensitive things the past few weeks. We’re heading into that time of year when we’re supposed to be unified and joyous. Yet, it seems like every day there’s a new video of someone berating another because of their presumed religion, or race, or ancestry, or gender.

Advertisers have picked up on the tenuous emotion of this particular holiday season and many have backed off the aggressiveness of trying to sell their product. Instead, they’ve opted to attempt to send a message that perhaps gets us a little closer to the actual holiday spirit. Sure, they still want you to buy their stuff, but they don’t want you to yell at a cashier because she’s Hindu or screaming at a woman in the aisle just because she’s wearing a hijab.

Below are three ads that have very important messages going beyond purchasing their product. If you get the message, that’s wonderful. May you have a joyous holiday season. If you don’t, you might need to back up and rethink why you’re bothering to celebrate any holiday at all.

Come Together

https://youtu.be/VDinoNRC49c

Good Times

Open Your Heart To Everyone

https://youtu.be/aFPcsYGriEs

Current Issues / PotD

Stop Waiting On God

November 27, 2016

charles i. letbetter - stop waiting and do something

Enough with the excuses. Get up and do something about our problems.

There are a lot of things going on in the world right now that can be upsetting. The situation at Standing Rock seems to be coming to a head. Many are concerned about choices being made as the new presidential administration begins to take place and some are still trying to prevent it from happening at all.

At the same time, an East Congo militia kills 30 from a rival tribe. Militants kidnap six Pakistanis working for a Polish oil firm. Daesh appears to have used ‘chemical gas’ against Syrian rebels. Then, there’s the increasingly complex and anxiety-ridden situation with Russia.

If that’s not enough for you, there are still the omnipresent issues of hunger, homelessness, poverty, education, debt, and access to healthcare. Those have been with us my entire life and show absolutely no sign of going away no matter who is President or what new programs Congress might trot out.

What might be most disturbing, however, are situations like this one reported by Reuters this morning:

Hateful letters sent anonymously to three mosques in California with a warning that President-elect Donald Trump would “cleanse” the United States of Muslims have stirred fears among congregants, a community leader said on Saturday.

Hussam Ayloush, executive director of the Los Angeles chapter of the Council on American-Islamic Relations, said the letters were identical and were postmarked as being sent from Santa Clarita just north of Los Angeles.

Ayloush said his group is considering asking the Federal Bureau of Investigation to look into the letters, which he believes were sent to other mosques aside from the three that received them earlier this week.

The increasing number of events such as this one is extremely worrisome. What frustrates me to no end, however, is when I look at the comments below every last one of these stories and see comments such as, “Only God can resolve this problem,” or “Our prayers are with them,” or “Trusting God to keep us safe.”

I get it, your belief system places control of the world in the hands of a deity who, allegedly, cares about the outcome of these events. I won’t argue that particular point at the current time. That’s your decision. However, what I will argue is that even if there is such a caring and attentive deity, he/she/it is not going to suddenly reach down from the heavens and reset the chessboard! The work of your God has always been carried out by those who trust him the most. So, if there’s trouble anywhere in the world, stop waiting on God to do something. If he exists, he’s waiting on you.

Putting Feet To The Fire

For those of you just now joining us, my late father was a Southern Baptist pastor for over 45 years. As a result, I still have several of his sermons deeply engrained in my memory. The issue of what he called “religious buck-shifting” frustrated him 40 years ago as much as it does me now. From his perspective, he would say the problem stemmed from an Old Testament verse found in Psalm 27, verse 14:

Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.

The issue, he would say, is that we misunderstand the intent of the verse. God did not mean for his people to sit on their hands until he passed out specific instructions. Rather, he was instructing those who are anxious to not get ahead of themselves, to wait until there is a plan and not go off tackling one’s enemies half-cocked.

Poppa would then follow with the story of a small-town congregation that was woefully worried about a bar that had opened up on the edge of town. Especially concerned were the women of the church whose husbands, they feared, might start sneaking out of the house at night to go drinking at the bar. The women started praying that God would burn the bar to the ground. They prayed, and prayed, and prayed, but nothing ever happened. Making matters worse, the women began to see their fears materialize as more men would find an excuse to slip out and have a drink. The women were terribly worried about the problem.

After a while, an older woman moved to the small town and joined the church. The other women immediately welcomed her and implored her to join them in praying that God would burn the bar to the ground. The older woman agreed that this was a most dire situation and promised that she would begin praying that very day.

That night, the bar burned to the ground.

The women in the church were astonished. “How did that happen?” they asked the older woman. “How is it that we’ve been praying for months that God would burn down that bar and nothing happened. You come along and on the first day, you prayed the bar actually burns to the ground! How come God listens to you and not all of us?”

The older woman answered, “It’s really rather easy. You see, I prayed that God would burn down that bar. Then, I got up off my knees and put feet to my prayer.”

Therein lies the problem. Too many of us expect God, or the government, or some other mysterious entity to do the very thing we should be doing. If we want the problems of society to go away, then we have to realize that we are society, we are government, and we are the hands of our deities. For anything to actually get done, we have to be the ones to do it.

Behaving Like An Atheist

While the issues we see are contemporary in nature, the problem of dealing with such social issues is neither new nor limited to Christians. There is a Jewish text, not scripture, mind you, but a book published by Martin Buber in 1947 called, Tales of the Hasidim. The book is an attempt to capture some of the oral history and folklore of the Hasidim, an orthodox sect that began in the third and second centuries. Specifically, the books focus on the teaching of a Ukranian rabbi, Baal Shem Tov, considered to be the founder of “modern” Hasidic Judaism. From that oral history comes this story:

The Master teaches the student that God created everything in the world to be appreciated, since everything is here to teach us a lesson.

One clever student asks “What lesson can we learn from atheists? Why did God create them?”

The Master responds “God created atheists to teach us the most important lesson of them all – the lesson of true compassion. You see, when an atheist performs an act of charity, visits someone who is sick, helps someone in need, and cares for the world, he is not doing so because of some religious teaching. He does not believe that god commanded him to perform this act. In fact, he does not believe in God at all, so his acts are based on an inner sense of morality. And look at the kindness he can bestow upon others simply because he feels it to be right.”

“This means,” the Master continued “that when someone reaches out to you for help, you should never say ‘I pray that God will help you.’ Instead for the moment, you should become an atheist, imagine that there is no God who can help, and say ‘I will help you.’”

Now, let’s give this a little perspective. This story is, at the very least, as old as the early 18th century, perhaps older. Social media had yet to be invented. For that matter, electricity was an unknown quantity at that point in time. However, even then, they still had a problem with people of faith, particularly, expecting their God to solve problems that were right in front of them and within their ability to address. As humans, we’ve been getting this wrong for a very long time.

What’s interesting about the story is that the rabbi’s reference to an atheist solving the problem is spot on. In general, those who profess no faith in a deity, or are at least agnostic on the subject, are more likely to give to charities, volunteer their time to community efforts and to respond with acts of compassion. Don’t take my word for it when there’s research to demonstrate the difference.

Robb Willer, University of California, Berkeley social psychologist, along with Laura R. Saslow, of the Osher Center at the University of California, San Francisco, published research in the journal, Social Psychological & Personality Science showing that compassion predicts generosity more among “less religious” people.

Three studies tested the hypothesis that, with fewer religious expectations of prosociality, less religious individuals’ levels of compassion will play a larger role in their prosocial tendencies. In Study 1, religiosity moderated the relationship between trait compassion and prosocial behavior such that compassion was more critical to the generosity of less religious people. In Study 2, a compassion induction increased generosity among less religious individuals but not among more religious individuals. In Study 3, state feelings of compassion predicted increased generosity across a variety of economic tasks for less religious individuals but not among more religious individuals. These results suggest that the prosociality of less religious individuals is driven to a greater extent by levels of compassion than is the prosociality of the more religious.

Stop and think about what this means. Flip it to another perspective and one can easily make the argument that one’s religion or belief system might actually be standing in the way of one doing any good or acting on their compassion. Again, if one is waiting on their deity to solve all the problems, they’re less likely to do anything themselves.

Zeroing In On The Problem

Religion has been a hot point in political conversations this year. The misinformation that we are or were ever a Christian nation has not only raged strong but has been the basis for an incredible amount of hate both before and after the election. While only a few might exhibit their hate in a public manner, be sure that there is hate sitting in the pews of every church gathering together this Sunday. Not everyone in the church hates, of course. Not even a majority. Still, the hate is there and everyone is expecting God to be the one to do something about it.

Take the letters sent to the mosques as an example. The person who wrote those letters is almost certainly sitting in a church somewhere this morning. They could even be teaching a Sunday School class. Their friends and neighbors may look at them as “fine Christians.” Yet, that hate still lurks. Fueled by a belief system that leads them to mistakenly think that God has given them permission to annihilate “those who serve false gods,” the president-elect’s rhetoric against Muslim people has emboldened them to bring their hate public.

Mind you, that hate has always been there. I saw it when I was little. The first time a black person attended one of our services, there were those among the church leadership who wanted her escorted out the door and off the property. As a teenager, I saw that hate directed toward a music director whose mannerisms led some to attempt to “out” the young man as gay and force him from the church. As a young adult, I saw that hate as those of a more moderate belief system, specifically those encouraged a cooperative attitude in working with Muslims and Jews in the community, were driven from the denomination in which I grew up, ruining the lives of pastors and others with false stories alleging heresy.

That hate is still there, right now, in churches all across this country. Fortunately, I’m not the only one who believes the hate has to end and that we can’t wait on someone’s deity to take specific action.

John Pavlovitz, a pastor at North Raliegh Community Church in North Carolina, is someone whose stance against hate within the church is one I’m quickly coming to admire. In a post on his website earlier this month, he made the following statement:

At times like these, Christians like to smile sweetly and say, “God is in control.”

No. God is not in control.
God didn’t vote for Donald Trump, you did.
Stop passing the buck to God.
God isn’t defacing prayer rooms.
God isn’t taunting gay teenagers.
God is not bullying kids on buses.
God isn’t threatening Muslim families.
White Christians are.
You are in control of this. You have pulpits and pews and a voice and influence and social media, so get to work.

In the same piece, he also instructs:

Your pastors need to speak clearly and explicitly into this, now.
Your church websites and social media pages need to address this harassment and bullying and terrorizing, now.
You need to talk to your white children and teach them how not [to] be horrible to other kids, and how to stand up to those who are being horrible, now.
You need to talk to your kid’s coaches and to your midweek Bible Study and to your co-workers and your church staff and your gun club—and you need to call this poison out, now.
White churches, this Sunday, your only sermon should be the one that reminds your white members what the parable of the Good Samaritan was compelling followers of Jesus to be: radically merciful when everyone else looked the other way.
You need to reach out to your neighbors and coworkers and classmates and social media friends who are part of marginalized communities and reassure them, listen to them, care for them, be Jesus to them.

Of course, those words don’t only belong to Christians, they can be said of anywhere there is any measure of hate. YOU have to fix this. YOU are the one who has to address the issues of hate that are growing by leaps and bounds across our country. YOU have to be the one who instructs your children how to respond to people who are different from them. Whether you believe in a deity or not, YOU are responsible for challenging the hate in our society.

It is up to us, you and I to speak out when we see hate, no matter where we see hate. There was a story earlier this week, whose link I can no longer find, of people coming to the rescue of a woman who was being berated in a store for wearing her hijab. There have been other similar incidents in the past two weeks where good people, kind people, people of reason and people of faith, have stepped up to fight against the hate. This is what we all need to be doing.

Of one thing I am sure: the skies are not going to suddenly open up with a great, thunderous voice like that or Morgan Freeman and give us instruction to love each other. All the relative deities have already done that through their respective books. That we are to love each other is a universal message through all the world’s dominant religions. The problem comes, across all religions, that we just don’t like to listen to the teachings of our deities.

Again, pastor Pavlovitz stated in a message earlier this week:

At some point silence becomes something else.

It becomes negligence.
It becomes compliance.
It becomes blessing.
It becomes participation.

And at times like this, it becomes fully sinful.

We can disagree on many things. We can disagree about sex and sexuality. We can disagree about marijuana. We can disagree about whether my pictures are appropriate for this message. What we must agree on is that hate has no place in our society. None. Our responsibility is to respond to each and every instance of hate that we see, defuse it if we can, and hold the person(s) accountable for their actions. We might not be able to do anything about the hate in someone’s heart, but we can do something about the hate that spills out into the public.

Don’t be silent. Don’t wait on God. Get your ass up, put feet to your prayers, and do something. Now.

pop culture / PotD

Alternatives To Thanksgiving Day Football

November 24, 2016

Somehow, not everyone is a football fan. So, we found some alternative activities for you.

I don’t understand it, exactly, but I get it: not everyone on the planet is a football fan. At least, not American football. For many families, watching football on Thanksgiving is as much a part of the tradition as is the turkey.

Football serves a unique purpose at Thanksgiving because not only is it inclusive of many people in the family, it is also a way to distract relatives from unpleasant political conversation, something that is especially important this year. We may not agree on who should be president, but we’ll all get excited about a great touchdown pass. Football is also, for many of us, the perfect background noise for taking that post-dinner nap. It’s been years since some of us have actually been awake for the end of the game.

Not everyone is as enthused about the sport, though. In fact, I’m pretty much the only one in my family who bothers to turn it on. They would much rather be doing other things. Unfortunately, too often, those “other things” leave open space for conversation and those conversations can go sideways in a hurry. What we need are after-dinner activities that the whole family can enjoy without risking an outbreak of politics. It took some doing, but we looked around and found a few things that might just work. Feel free to add your own items.

Netflix and Chill

Thanksgiving is the perfect time to do some damage to your Netflix que. Chance are you’ve been adding a number of movies and/or series that sound really interesting but you never seem to have the time to watch. Now you have the time. The biggest decision comes in deciding what to watch, and that might be no easy tasks. Consider some of these matters before clicking that play button.

Is it family-friendly? Those who watch Netflix often can easily forget that there are no censors on the streaming service. There is a preponderance of PG-13 and R-rated films that probably don’t seem that bad but we forget how sensitive Grandma is about “taking the Lord’s name in vain” and other language issues that slip right past those of us who are more secular. If one doesn’t have children it is also easy to forget that they repeat everything they hear.
Is there a backstory? So, you’re on episode 4 of Season 2 of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. There are no small children in your family and the show’s hilarious. Seems like a good fit—unless someone doesn’t know the backstory. Remember, not everyone has Netflix, as crazy as that may seem. Uncle Ned might be totally lost coming in so late on the story and trying to catch him up only interrupts the show. Be considerate of those whose lives are not as boring as yours.
How well does it sit on a full stomach? I know a lot of people who just love screaming at movies, a trait which seems to run in families. Don’t jump into horror mode just yet, though. Remember, you just finished the largest meal of the century. Keeping all that food down is probably a good thing. Toss out anything on your list that might have the potential to be vomit-inducing. Perhaps old Alfred Hitchcock movies are best. The Alfred Hitchcock Presents series is currently available.
Is this something you really want to share with your parents? What is on our Netflix que can be rather personal and says a lot about us. Perhaps you don’t necessarily want everyone to know that you’ve recently watched Easy or Shameless or 10 Things I Hate About You. Certain titles, we won’t name anything specific, might cause family members to question your lifestyle which could be an issue if you’re not ready to come out as a closet Alicia Silverstone fan just yet. Remember, you’re trying to avoid awkward conversations. Maybe football isn’t such a bad idea.

Taking Family Pictures

No, I”m not suggesting you call me. I’m not going anywhere all weekend if I can help it. Instead, get out the Instamatic, dust it off, drop in some film, and let different family members take turns being the photographer. You’ll likely be surprised by just how much ham there is in your family, and you might even discover some hidden talent along the way.

Why use film? Because you want memories that can be preserved. Snapshot prints are less that ten cents a piece now, so there’s no excuse for not getting copies for everyone in the family. While having digital copies is convenient for sharing online, there’s something warm and wonderful about having a print you can put on your refrigerator or tape to a mirror, or tuck away somewhere to cherish. Digital photos can be corrupted. Cloud services come and go. Prints, if cared for properly, can last forever.

Also keep in mind the fact that life sometimes sucks. None of us know who might not be present at next years’ gathering. Get plenty of pictures of everyone, not just your grandparents. Even if the exact same crowd shows up for the next ten years running, it will still be fun to compare how much everyone has changed. There’s no substitute for memories like this. Find that camera and start snapping.

Stream A Little Stream

Netflix isn’t the only streaming game in town, you know, and if you have a large enough computer monitor or one of those newfangled gadgets that let you stream online content on your television, there are a number of things online that might provide a sufficient distraction.

One of the things that excited me most was discovering that A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is streaming on ABC.go.com. You know you love Charlie Brown. This is one of those shows with which we all grew up. There’s an inherent warm, smooshy feeling that goes with watching Lucy pull away the football at the last moment and Snoopy serving popcorn for dinner. In fact, popcorn for dinner doesn’t actually sound like all that bad an idea, does it?

Oh, and the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is streaming on YouTube as well if you need an early morning distraction for little ones. I mean, c’mon, who doesn’t love a parade? Well, okay, I do know a few people who don’t, but this is a fantastic way to keep those under ten from getting underfoot. They’ll stay occupied for a couple of hours and you can cook in peace. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself. Your experience may differ.

Family Storytelling Time

I’ll admit, this won’t work for every family. A certain amount of familial cohesiveness has to be present for anyone to be interested. However, especially if you have grandparents and/or grandparents still around, sharing family stories is a great way to pass the time. Perhaps more importantly, however, this is also a great way to preserve your family’s oral history. We too often take for granted that history lives in the experiences of our elders. These are stories we need to hear and to capture before they are lost.

StoryCorp has provided a means for helping people capture these stories at holiday moments like this. Even if you don’t have a video camera or recording capabilities on your computer, chances are you have a cell phone and most every cell phone has a voice recording app that came pre-installed. Capture the stories of what school was like for your great-grandmother. Listen carefully to your parents tell about getting their first car, or the first time they fell in love with someone. These are all stories that are much, much too precious to lose.

Most importantly, stopping to listen to these stories helps build family cohesion. Who knew that Uncle Bud turned down an appointment to the Pentagon so he could marry your Aunt Bea? Or that your cousin Kendra, who you only see every other year, helped author one of the Internet’s biggest mobile apps? Chances are high that almost everyone in the family has a story that no one has heard before. Take a moment and tell those stories, listen to those stories, and cherish the people telling them.

Thanksgiving can be dangerous territory if everyone’s not kept busy in some form or another. As challenging as this year has been, you really don’t want to risk Grandpa Fred finding out that Cousin Norman wrote in Harambe on his presidential ballot. There are plenty of ways other than football to keep everyone busy. Give them a try.

Hashtag Philosophy / Just For Fun

Things I Wouldn’t Thank You For

November 23, 2016

We are thankful for much, but some things we could do without.

Yes, we have so very many, many things for which we can and should be thankful. However, after the seriousness of this morning’s article, I thought we might turn the tables a bit. #ThingsIWouldn’tThankYouFor has been trending since early this morning. When we stop and think about it a little bit, there are plenty of things that we probably wouldn’t mind skipping this weekend.

Of course, it’s important to realize that what is a throw-away for one person might be valuable to someone else. This entire exercise is meant for fun, not ridicule. Our intent is to not take on anything too serious, such as the incoming presidential administration or world affairs. Instead, let’s take a look at the really silly things that annoy us. You know there’s plenty of things that fit into that category.

At the end of it all, though, this is a time to be thankful. Even the things that annoy us and drive us a bit mad serve some purpose. Everything in the universe works toward a balance we need to live. Let’s not take anything for granted.

Some of Twitter’s Best

#ThingsIWouldntThankYouFor making me get up on the roof to put your Christmas lights up.

— Kat (@SweetKat1112) November 23, 2016

Not rinsing off your plate before putting it in the dishwasher. #ThingsIWouldntThankYouFor

— Amber Taylor (@xx_amBURRR_xx) November 23, 2016

Gluten-free Pizza
#ThingsIWouldntThankYouFor

— Danielle (@Morrigan_83) November 23, 2016

Asking me how far along I am when I’m not pregnant #ThingsIWouldntThankYouFor

— Tamara Rose (@misstamerica30) November 23, 2016

#ThingsIWouldntThankYouFor The adult diapers oh well I guess it depends

— Jenny B (@layingbackeatin) November 23, 2016

A Few With Pictures

Decaf coffee… #ThingsIWouldntThankYouFor pic.twitter.com/gt0fHAlu3J

— ✨Amy✨💞✨ (@AAskelson) November 23, 2016

Not replacing the roll #ThingsIWouldntThankYouFor pic.twitter.com/M4gcD9ErCm

— #Jesus (@TheLordHasSpoke) November 23, 2016

Spitting chewing gum on the sidewalk that takes me an hour to remove. You pig… #ThingsIWouldntThankYouFor pic.twitter.com/7xUbewdc0y

— Michael J. Smith (@Road_2_Ft_Worth) November 23, 2016

#ThingsIWouldntThankYouFor

Destroying my super-weapon….. twice. pic.twitter.com/nP1BqGYiru

— Anakin Skywalker (@Marshmallow_Ani) November 23, 2016

#ThingsIwouldntThankYouFor @All_Craft pic.twitter.com/lFQdqVgitB

— AllCraft Halifax (@All_Craft) November 23, 2016

A Few Of Our Own

There’s not much for which I am not thankful. Cold feet under the covers means you’re sleeping with someone who cares about you. Muddy footprints on the carpet mean your home is likely filled with joy and laughter, or at least a really cute puppy. Still, there are a few things for which I would have difficulty saying thank you.

Spilling the kitty litter all over the carpet
Chasing the dog through the mud just before he comes inside
Clogging the clothes washer drain
Telling someone else what they’re getting for their birthday
Constantly asking how long until dinner is ready
Models that don’t show or call
Models that ignore email
Bogus photographers who take advantage of people
Clients that try to take advantage of friendships
Flat tires
Electrical appliances that stop working right at the moment you need them
Running out of scotch on a Sunday
Nosy neighbors who don’t mind their own business
Cutting the “Beware of Dog” sign off the fence
Interrupting my nap for something that does not include food, nudity, or money
Leg cramps
Shoulder pain
Backaches
Falling and not being able to get up
Not having the right tools for the job

There are always things that annoy us, but the thinks for which we are thankful are a much larger list. Have a wonderful holiday!

PotD / Social Commentary

Challenged To Be Thankful

November 23, 2016

Holidays are not happy for everyone. Depression, loss lead many to struggle.

I am struggling this morning. Rain was falling as I walked the dog in the early morning hours. It wasn’t a heavy rain, just enough to get into one’s bones and make everything painful. Even the dog didn’t like it. He pulled at his leash to get the walk done as quickly as possible. He didn’t even stop at three of the fire hydrants we passed.

I sat down at the computer with a cup of coffee in my hands and looked over the morning’s headlines. From the Dakota Access Pipeline to worries about the next presidential administration to various flashpoints around the world, I am worried about what might come next. Good is in short supply on a global scale. We’re not fighting one war, we’re fighting four. There’s a new hurricane in the Atlantic. Earthquakes around the world have created their own level of fear. Finding something for which we are genuinely thankful is challenging.

Too often, I feel we patronize ourselves with platitudes on this holiday more than others. We go through the motions of saying we’re thankful for this and that, for family and friends, but our words are empty. We’ve not really given thought to the value of the things and the people we have around us. Especially the people.

Before the course of this day is over, hundreds of thousands of Americans will understand the value of someone in a way they never appreciated before. At the same time, thousands of others will finally give up. With Thanksgiving tomorrow, today we need to give ourselves a reality check. Address the question of what it really means to be thankful, not in a religious context, but in human terms.

Thanksgiving, 1981

Thanksgiving day, 1981, was unique for me in a number of ways. It was my first holiday, ever, without family. I was working at what was then Roesch Brothers Funeral Home in Shawnee (it’s since changed name and ownership). While the university dorms were closed for the break, the managers at the funeral home offered to let me stay there and work the entire week. I was promised at least 40 hours with the probability of overtime. Like most every college student, I needed the money. So, after talking with my parents and assuring them I wouldn’t starve, I agreed to stay.

The day itself turned out to be rather quiet. We didn’t have anyone lying in state, no one back on the prep table. All I had to do was answer the phones and pick up the leaves that were continually falling off the spider plants in the windows. Around 3:00 that afternoon, one of the directors swapped out with me so I could go to another director’s house and enjoy dinner. Being part of a different family’s celebration felt awkward, though, and I was actually glad to get back to the peace and quiet of the funeral home.

Around 7:00, the phone rang. The director on call answered it from his residence, which was fairly common. Late calls were almost always a notification to pick up someone who had passed. I went to the embalming room and set out the materials they would need, then went back up front to wait. When the director came in, though, he made an unusual request.

“Lock the front door and go get protective gear. I’m going to need your help on this one,” he said. Actually, he needed more help than just me. At that point in time, I was still a scrawny 125-pound kid with just enough muscle tone to keep me upright. Another of the directors soon joined us and I was given a warning: “What you are about to see is one of the toughest parts of this job. Don’t touch anything with your bare hands and as soon as we get back go take a shower.”

We arrived at an older apartment building and took the elevator up to the third floor. Police were waiting just outside the door of the apartment, each of them wearing heavy rubber gloves and breathing through surgical masks. The aroma was the most pungent thing I have smelled, one that is embedded deep in my memory and refuses to go away. We walked in to find a gentleman in his late 60s, sitting in his recliner facing a small television, which was still on. Speculation was that he had likely passed in his sleep—three days ago. With an apartment that was well sealed and the gas heat ensuring that the room stayed toasty, decomposition had already begun. The most hazardous element was the poisonous fluids that had leaked from his body and were all over the recliner and everything around him. Getting the body safely onto our gurney took not only the three of us but a couple of police officers as well.

Upon returning to the funeral home, I headed straight to the shower and started to cry, not because of the grotesqueness of what I had just experienced, but because of the circumstances around the man’s death. He had sat there for three days with no one checking on him. No one missed him. No one had been expecting him for dinner. Only after everyone had eaten did his son decide that maybe he should check on his father. I wanted to ask why his dad hadn’t been at Thanksgiving dinner. I wanted to ask why it took so long for anyone to notice him missing from public interaction. That wasn’t my place, though.

I went to bed that night questioning what it really meant to be thankful. Is being thankful a matter of counting one’s blessings or justifying one’s greed? How could one be thankful when they were completely shut out of their family’s life to the point no one missed them at the holiday dinner? How does one define thankfulness when they’re so totally alone?

Every year I think of that situation, wonder if anyone misses the man, if anyone was ever thankful for his life. I will always wonder.

Thanksgiving, 2016

I look at the website for the Chattanooga (TN) Times-Free Press this morning and my heart breaks all over again. The tragedy of five young lives lost in a school bus accident on Monday has resonated across the entire nation. We have a personal connection here, though. One of the children attended the same elementary school that my youngest son attended. His mother is still the media specialist (librarian) at that school. She had frequent contact with the little one. Suddenly, just before the holiday, that little bit of hope, that little bundle of promise, is gone.

We want to ask why. We want to ask how. At least ten NTSB agents are currently investigating the accident. The driver has been arrested and charged with vehicular homicide. Others are wanting to blame the bus company contracted by the school system. There is a lot of anger. There is also a lot of sadness.

Cordayja Jones was 9 and looking forward to turning 10 next month. Zoie Nash was also 9, athletic, and the only girl in a family full of boys. Six-year-old D’Myunn Brown was smart, playful, exactly what one expects from one his age. Zyaira Mateen was also 6, just starting life and enjoying every moment. Zyanna Harris, 10, was the sassy girl who wasn’t afraid to speak her mind.

The tragedy is not limited to the families of those five children. Four more remain in critical condition at Erlanger hospital. Doctors there report having difficulty identifying the children as they came in. They were confused, scared, and in shock. Many couldn’t even tell doctors their own names. Hospital staff had to take pictures of the children and relay those to school staff who then had the unpleasant job of contacting parents.

For every one of those families: the survivors, the doctors, the hospital staff, the police who had the unpleasant job of working the crash scene, and especially the school staff who had to try to explain to students yesterday why their classmates were missing, every one of those families are now challenged to redefine thankfulness as they gather this week. Former definitions won’t work. It’s not that they won’t be thankful, for surely most of them will, but the meaning now is deeper, more real, and more heartfelt.

Consider the reality

Occasionally, we need to be reminded of just how precious and fragile life is. We need to remember, and understand at more than just an intellectual level, that tragedy could just as easily be ours. There is no promise that any of us will see the end of the day. We don’t dwell on fatality because if we did it would paralyze us. Yet, as we are challenged to not approach Thanksgiving as a superficial holiday whose history is questionable, we need a reminder of exactly why a day of Thanksgiving is still relevant and necessary.

There is much for which we are not thankful, and I’ll cover that with a bit of humor later. What’s important for us at this juncture is that we not just wipe Thanksgiving away as a day to over-consume, or as preparation for exercising our greed, or that one day a year when we have to tolerate people we really don’t like. Thanksgiving is too easily dismissed. We’re in a hurry to get on to those other gift-giving holidays. We think we have better things to do.

Perhaps we do well to take just a moment for sober thought. Being thankful isn’t about politics or history or football or shopping. Being thankful means realizing that everything we have is temporary and largely undeserved. Those who love us do so not because they are required but because they’ve made a choice to love us. Families do not happen by accident. What we have, where we are, what we’ve become are all elements that can disappear more quickly than they were obtained.

Ever since 1981, one of my most persistent fears is that I will, like that man in the recliner, die alone, not missed at anyone’s dinner, no one bothering to check on my well being, no one caring that I’ve passed. That gentleman’s funeral was quite small. His son and just a few other family members were all that attended.

Kat assures me, regularly, that my fear is unfounded. Every time she does, I am reminded to be thankful. Having spent Thanksgivings where there was nothing, I am thankful for each one I have where I’m not wandering the streets, or shivering in the cold. Being reminded is good. Being reminded is necessary.

Let today be the moment that reminds you why tomorrow is important. Forget the history and the politics. Thanksgiving is about now. Being thankful is about life.

Accept the challenge and be thankful.

pop culture / Social Commentary / studio nudes

Try A Different Angle On Thanksgiving

November 22, 2016

charles i. letbetter - try something different for Thanksgiving

Tired of doing things the same way every year? Try out something a little different.

Nope, we’re still not ready for Thanksgiving. Not quite. Kat or I will be making another trip to the store this evening to gather the final bit of supplies we need to get us through the weekend. Once we’re all home Wednesday evening, none of us are planning on leaving before Saturday at the earliest. That means that, in addition to everything for Thursday’s dinner, we need to make sure we have other food and supplies for the rest of the weekend. Having everyone home all day is challenging.

When we think of Thanksgiving we tend to think of tradition. Much is made of what they did or didn’t have 400 years ago, and then family traditions fall on top of that. Some people run in early morning races so as to prove their insanity. Other families spend time helping to feed the poor and homeless, which is a noble gesture requiring that one must have children who listen and obey. I have no idea what that is like. I have even met people who spend the day in protest. They find something to fit on a placard every year. I’m just assuming they’re all being unlawfully mistreated at Standing Rock this year.

For me, however, there are really only two traditions that matter. The first is to make sure there are enough leftovers so I don’t have to cook on Friday. I’ll cook the hell out of Thursday, but Friday I’m sleeping the entire day. The second, however, is to not follow tradition but to do at least one thing different; something that we’ve never done before. There are a lot of ways to be different, of course, but they generally fall into three categories: a different place, a different food, and different people. Let me give you some examples.

A Different Place

For us, this will be the first time Kat and I have stayed home for Thanksgiving. We usually would go to her Mom’s for the holiday, but Little Man’s birthday is this week as well so we’re doing birthday/Thanksgiving over there on a different day. This means we get to just enjoy/endure each other on Thursday. Big Gabe, my 18-year-old, said he’s pretty sure this is the first time he’s not gone anywhere for Thanksgiving, and he may be correct. He wasn’t born yet when I was on this roll of doing exotic meals for the holidays. Any other time we were at one grandparent’s house or the other. So, just the idea of staying home on Thanksgiving is a bit awkward and certainly different.

Over the years, though, we have utilized some other non-traditional locations as well. Back when our entire extended family would gather in Wichita, no one had a house big enough to even begin holding us all. So, we rented enclosed facilities at different city parks as long as at least a couple of our parents were still living. The facilities would include stoves and ovens and sinks so we could cook those last-minute items that are only good when fresh. Meanwhile, there was always plenty of room to toss the youngsters outside so they could run off energy and build up an appetite for the meal. After Poppa got to where he couldn’t make the trip, we used the great room of the retirement facility where they lived, invited others there to join, and had a wonderful time sharing Thanksgiving with older people who had nowhere else to go.

There are plenty of options if one just looks around a bit. Some, you do your own cooking. Others, someone else cooks for you (though those options tend to be more expensive). Either way, if you don’t want, or for some reason are unable to do the traditional family thing and the traditional family place, look around. Try someplace different. You might discover a whole new tradition that’s even better.

Different Food

I mentioned above about going through a period where I insisted on preparing exotic foods for the holidays. I drove my family nuts with that one. Both sides were always very traditional and they just couldn’t wrap their heads around not having turkey and dressing and green bean casserole. In fact, my former mother-in-law actually brought green bean casserole with her one year because she knew that I wasn’t going to fix any and could not stand the thought of a Thanksgiving without it.

Here’s the thing: you don’t want what they had at the first Thanksgiving. It was dry. It was gamey. Even the vegetables didn’t taste anything like what is on our tables now. So, just throw out that whole idea of a “traditional” Thanksgiving menu and have some fun with it. We’ve had duck (which no one liked as much as they thought they would), we’ve had cornish hens (look,everyone gets their own turkey!), and we’ve even had venison (just don’t play a video of Bambi for a couple of weeks). There are plenty of options.

Where the fun comes in, I think, is with the side dishes. Sure, we can have potatoes, but let’s prepare them differently for a change. This year, I’m leaning toward this recipe for slow cooker loaded potatoes. First off, it’s highly customizable. If your family is made up of vampires, leave off the garlic. Double down on the bacon if you wish. You could also toss in some olives and sun dried tomatoes if you’re feeling adventurous. The end result should be much more appetizing than yet another round of mashed potatoes.

I’m also considering this recipe for honey roasted butternut squash. Of those attending our home dinner on Thursday, half don’t like sweet potatoes. So, it doesn’t seem fair to leave them out and I know that at least two of them love butternut squash. This recipe is really simple to put together as long as one has a good, sharp knife. Butternut squash isn’t the softest veggie you’ll ever find. Alternatives like this really liven up a Thanksgiving menu without really risking upsetting expectations.

Finally, try something really different in the bread department. Of course, a lot of people use cornbread stuffing, but there’s still this expectation for some kind of roll or pull-apart bread. One year I got really adventurous and made challah, which the family enjoyed. Unfortunately, I don’t have that much counter space to give a full loaf of braided bread a place to rise. We’ll likely go with something from a local bakery. Just make it different than the store-bought Hawaiian rolls that are way over priced.

Different People

My parents taught us this one. Regardless of which holiday it might be, if we were fixing a lot of food, and my Mother always fixed enough food for a small army, we invited other people, and almost always people who we didn’t know. We never had a bad holiday when we did this. Never mind any religious differences, though the year we had an atheist at the table was interesting, never mind the cultural differences, the addition of new people always made the holiday better.

If you have been paying attention to the pictures we’ve used for this article, you’ve noticed all but one have a preponderance of tattoos. For reasons I have yet to understand, there are still a lot of people who find ink offensive. I don’t get it. That concept is almost always based out of ignorance, as is every bias. When we are celebrating our ability to over-consume while nearly a third of the world’s population is starving, we have a moral obligation to set aside our ridiculous opinions and reach out to people who are as different from us as possible. Build bridges, not walls. Invite that fussy neighbor. Pick up that friend of a friend whose name you can’t remember but you know will be alone. Hell, bring home a stripper. Strippers have to eat, too.

One of the reasons suicides go up during the holidays is because people who have been alone for far too many Thanksgivings just don’t want to go through another one. Try swallowing your fucking pride for a change. Invite someone different. You’ll both end up with a reason to be Thankful.

Hashtag Philosophy / Just For Fun

Thanksgiving Survival Guide

November 21, 2016

Ready or not, Thanksgiving is here. The relatives are coming. Prepare now!

We hate to be the bearers of anxiety, but the family holiday season is here. We know how many of you do your best to avoid family all year long, especially extended family. The cousins were great playmates when you were kids, but now they’re annoying, frustrating, and occasionally even infuriating. They ask far too many questions, such as whatever happened to that date you brought with you last Thanksgiving. When they’re not asking prying questions, they’re giving you way too much information about their own lives. Did you really want to know how often one has to change the diapers on a baby with diarrhea? No, of course you didn’t.

Across the country, anxiety over the holidays leads to everything from shortness of breath to heart palpitations to the sudden onset of a very serious flu when you find out Aunt Mildred is bringing her infamous onion casserole. These feelings are so widespread that #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving is trending with such heavy input that I can’t keep up. Naturally, when I saw that, I shelved other plans I had for today and immediately started assembling some of the best advice I could find. After all, we would hate for anyone to suffer unnecessarily. If you’re going to suffer, make sure everyone else is even more uncomfortable than you are. Maybe that will be enough to keep them all home for the next family gathering sometime in December.

Not that we’re totally cynical, mind you. We’ll toss in some practical suggestions along the way. It’s up to you to determine which are serious, though. For all I know, maybe you should bring your own turkey baster. That’s totally up to you.

Suggestions from Twitter

There areally are some brilliant minds on Twitter at times and hashtag games such as this is when some of the best show up. I didn’t really want to take the time to sort through all the best, though, so here are some of the first ones that I thought were at least mildly amusing.

Everyone has a “crazy” Aunt who comes at Thanksgiving. If she’s not there this year, just assume it’s your mom. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving

— Matthew Kick (@MatthewKick) November 21, 2016

#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Wear a post it that reads: Yes I’m still single, works fine, no i don’t want to meet your sons friend #thanks

— Cornelius Applesauce (@almostamouthful) November 21, 2016

#survivalguidetothanksgiving Don’t be afraid to tell them “It’s a Dessert Wine !” when they find you in the closet drinking from a bottle.

— Uncle Haggis (@PIEKAKE1) November 21, 2016

Eat until you can’t move. Play dead until the dishes are done. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving

— Mark Lamprecht ن (@MarkALamprecht) November 21, 2016

#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving anytime ur aunt says “Make America Great Again!” steal one item of food off her plate

— ileana fernandez (@ileanafdzz) November 21, 2016

A Bit Of Practical Advice

Fun and frivolity aside, there are some practical things you probably should do in preparation for spending a day with relatives. We have some suggestions here as well, but we’re saving those for the next section down. Here’s some of the best from what we culled from Twitter.

Two words: stretchy pants #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving https://t.co/9zDauyMYfV pic.twitter.com/AvugWcGTE6

— UGG (@UGG) November 21, 2016

#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving spend it with someone else’s family. Offer to help clean up & they’ll love ya!

— Geaux Tide (@AngelaChelsey) November 21, 2016

Soup kitchens need volunteers, gratitude is a physical practice. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving

— Biggons (@BIGGONSanything) November 21, 2016

Taping a sprig of parsley to your bottle of Wild Turkey gives it a festive flair #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving

— Darren Huxter (@darren_huxter) November 21, 2016

“@voguemagazine: How to keep things civil @ the dinner table this Thanksgiving: https://t.co/ND0nP2IdGe. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving“

— ((( Xuan ))) (@UncleTacoMan) November 21, 2016

Now For The Good Stuff

There are plenty of ideas out there that are worth sharing. We were surprised, however, that we didn’t see some of the more obvious suggestions. Sure, there were multiple takes on drinking as much as possible and leaving in earphones and keeping your mouth full. What we missed were some of the more certain ways to make the holiday memorable and increase your chances of not being invited to the next one. So, here’s what we have to offer.

Arrive early. We’re not kidding. Arrive a couple of hours early. Blame insomnia or a bad clock or maybe even say that since your homeless this year you didn’t really have anywhere else to go. Go early and make sure you don’t stop talking. If you can avoid taking a breath, do so. You don’t want to give anyone a chance to get a word in edge-wise. This way, everyone will be so tired of you by the time dinner is over you can leave immediately and everyone else will be truly thankful.
Offer to help in the kitchen and then “accidentally” drop the dishes you know no one actually wants to eat, such as Cousin Laverne’s caramel-covered asparagus casserole. Laverne might be devastated, but everyone else in the family will thank you.
Do your own play-by-play for the football game you’re listening to on your phone, not the one everyone is watching on television. If they’re truly football fans, they’ll appreciate the extra effort you’re putting into the holiday.
Bring your own paper plate and plastic utensils. Tell everyone you’ve heard that there’s a really bad case of hand-foot-and-mouth disease going around and you’re not taking any chances. Notice how everyone gives you a 10-foot safety barrier the rest of the day.
Fill your pockets with candy and distribute it freely to all your nieces, nephews, and second cousins. Make sure they all get plenty of sugar. Then leave before their parents have a chance to kill you.
Practice binge eating the first to days of the week then fast 24 hours before the meal. This stretches your stomach so that you can eat more on Thanksgiving day and makes sure you’re hungry enough to down an extra helping of gravy.
Remember to make sure that you have plenty of all your medication to get you through the entire weekend. You’re not getting anywhere near a pharmacy this weekend. Besides, there’s no Black Friday sale on Valium.
Get down the scrapbook and brush up on all your cousins’ names, or at least the ones they were using before they went into the witness protection program.
Bring your dog. No, not the tiny cute one that lives in your purse and thinks it’s a dog. Bring the rottweiler or the saint bernard. You know, something that will clear the table of food before anyone human can be poisoned.
Slip a bottle of ipecac into your pocket. You never know when you’ll need to fake the flu—or take evasive action against food poisoning. Either way, it will get you out of having to endure family the rest of the day.
Dress like a turkey and accuse everyone else at the table of cannibalism. Hold the roasted turkey in your arms lovingly and chant, “Foul Lives Matter!”
Pretend you just got a job at Target and have to be at work by 6:00.
Pull out your shotgun and while you’re cleaning it explain to the children in the room exactly how you tracked down that big ol’ turkey and BOOM, blew it’s ever-loving head right off. No one will challenge you for the drumsticks now.
Remind everyone, again, that they did not have jellied cranberry sauce at the original thanksgiving and that the entire holiday is a complete sham unless the family massacres the neighbors the next day.
Pray for peace and then throw hard rolls at Cousin Elmer for not closing his eyes during the prayer.

I could probably come up with more and if you need additional help just let me know and I’m sure we can come up with something to fit your specific situation. Personally, I’m doing the cooking here. I’m not waiting for the tryptophan to kick in with the kids, though. I’m loading the stuffing with sleeping pills. We WILL have a quiet afternoon one way or the other.

Hope this helps. Have a great holiday!!

Current Issues / PotD / Social Commentary

No Apologies Necessary

November 20, 2016

The defiant speech of the opposition is what prevents us from slipping into absolute tyranny. No apologies are ever necessary.

Raising children to be polite, respectful, and kindly is challenging. Evidence would suggest more parents fail than succeed. Putting aside our selfish desires does not come easily when one reasons on the level of a seven-year-old. We see it around here every day.

Yesterday afternoon, for example, Little Man takes the TV remote and whacks his sister upside the head with it. Punishment was immediately delivered by his mother and afterward he was instructed to apologize to his sister. Staring blankly at the television he mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

Kat wasn’t going to let him get away with that. “No, you look her in the eyes and apologize.”

The Tipster turns around, probably enjoying the attention a little too much, and faces her brother. “I’m sorry, ” he says, a little most distinctly this time.

“For what?” she demands. She’s not letting him off the hook that easily.

A long pause follows before he finally says, “For hitting you with the remote.”

Lesson learned? Probably not. Rarely does a child change their behavior based on a single event, especially when that event is not necessarily traumatic. Learning how to behave in social situations takes time and, we can all probably attest, not everyone ever learns. Some people remain self-centered and selfish their entire lives. They see everyone else doing wrong while they remain innocent. They want apologies from everyone else but are slow to give them when they are wrong. Such a trait is frustrating to encounter on a normal basis. When that same trait is exhibited on the part of an elected leader, however, the matter is far more troubling. Such would seem to be the case with the incoming US administration.

A Rough Night At The Theatre

Our president-elect has decided that he doesn’t want to govern from the White House full time. Apparently, the lack of gold-plated toilets at the White House bothers him. Instead, he wants to spend time, see heads of state, and conduct national business from his home in New York. Now, there are a multitude of logistical and legal questions regarding whether such a move is possible. However, one element was probably not given the consideration it deserves: 85% of New Yorkers did not vote for the president-elect. Being in New York may put him in familiar territory but it certainly doesn’t put him in friendly territory. He’s going to have to expect considerable opposition, especially when the Secret Service blocks Fifth Ave., snarling downtown traffic for hours on end.

A couple of nights ago, the vice president-elect somehow managed to snag tickets to the hottest musical to hit Broadway in quite some time: Hamilton. I just checked, and if any of us mere mortals want to see the show, the best we can hope for is to purchase a ticket now for a show in August of 2017. If you’re really desperate and are willing to drop $450 or more for your ticket, they’ll squeeze you in for a June performance. Getting a ticket now pretty much means someone has to die. Yet, power has its privileges and the vice president-elect was able to get tickets for himself, his daughter, and a nephew. A nice family evening out. How sweet.

Right from the start, though, the reception on the part of New Yorkers was chilly. An elected official with the status of the vice president-elect doesn’t just slip into the theatre quietly. The instant he was recognized, the vice president-elect was booed. Hamilton officials and actors requested the audience be quiet. Such rudeness is generally not tolerated on Broadway.

At the end of the performance, however, the politically-attuned cast decided to address the vice president-elect whose statements and policies as Governor of Indiana might affect many of them directly. Actor Brandon Victor Dixon, who plays Aaron Burr, the country’s third vice president, spoke on behalf of the cast. The results looked like this:

In my mind, and I would like to think that of most reasonable people, the statement was polite, well-written, and appropriately delivered. However, little Mikey (he’ll eat anything, ya’ know) went running back to his political “Daddy” and the response from the president-elect was very much what one might expect from the father of a bully whose victim had dared to stand up to him. Mr. Trump tweeted:

“The Theater must always be a safe and special place. The cast of Hamilton was very rude last night to a very good man, Mike Pence. Apologize!”

and then:

“Our wonderful future V.P. Mike Pence was harassed last night at the theater by the cast of Hamilton, cameras blazing. This should not happen!”

The response from Hamilton was also what one might expect. Mr. Dixon responded:

“@realDonaldTrump conversation is not harassment sir. And I appreciate @mike_pence for stopping to listen”

Hamilton‘s author, Lin-Manuel Miranda, tweeted:

“Proud of @HamiltonMusical. Proud of @BrandonVDixon, for leading with love. And proud to remind you that ALL are welcome at the theater.”

Anthony Romero, executive director of the American Civil Liberties Union, said in a statement:

“The apology should instead come from President-elect Trump for calling into question the appropriateness of the Hamilton cast’s statements.”

Response from the rest of the Internet was unsurprising. Those who support the president-elect started a #BoycottHamilton hashtag that quickly started trending. Those opposing the president-elect responded with reminders that tickets to the musical are impossible to get and offers to gleefully take tickets off the hands of any potential theatre-goers who might be offended. The whole conversation is as inane and irreverent as the Internet tends to be when void of any form of respect and/or self-discipline.

Hold on, let’s look at some numbers

Opposition is a necessary part of reasoning and intelligent dialog. There must always be a different side than that which is dominate. We are a diverse people of many minds and opinions. All of those opinions deserve some form of hearing and to the extent that they are presented respectfully, as was the Hamilton casts’ statement, they deserve to be treated respectfully. Any response should be thoughtful and well-considered. Such is the nature of polite communication. We cannot expect to never be challenged, but we are obligated to challenge and respond in kind.

Judging from the response not only to this particular situation but other moments of challenge, one might get the idea that the president-elect thinks that he does not deserve to be challenged in any form. Statements against articles in the media, primarily those in the New York Times show that this president-elect would rather respond like a bully, attempting to use intimidation rather than reason when responding to opposition. Consider a few of the following examples:

Just had a very open and successful presidential election. Now professional protesters, incited by the media, are protesting. Very unfair!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 11, 2016

Wow, the @nytimes is losing thousands of subscribers because of their very poor and highly inaccurate coverage of the “Trump phenomena”

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 13, 2016

The failing @nytimes story is so totally wrong on transition. It is going so smoothly. Also, I have spoken to many foreign leaders.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 16, 2016

I watched parts of @nbcsnl Saturday Night Live last night. It is a totally one-sided, biased show – nothing funny at all. Equal time for us?

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 20, 2016

The very fact that the president-elect chooses to use a short-form means of communication through Twitter shows how little respect he has for those who oppose him. A polite, professional, response considers the points raised by the opposition and addresses them fully, not with statements like “Very unfair!” or “very poor and highly inaccurate coverage.” If the opposition is making statements that are unfair and/or inaccurate, then address those statements specifically. State the actual offense and then respond specifically and directly to that offense.

Our president-elect might need to be reminded that his election does not carry with it anything that might resemble a consensus among the American people. The vast majority of Americans did not vote for him. The president-elect received, at last count, 61,898,584 votes that were distributed in such a manner as to provide him with a presumed win among the electoral college. However, at no point in this presidency can or should he lose sight of the fact that his most direct opponent, Mrs. Clinton, received more votes with the current tally at 63,551,979. Now, if we were to add up all the remaining votes that were cast for someone other than Mr. Trump, including 747,993 write-ins and 28,824 for “none of these candidates,” we come to a total of 71, 000, 869 people who did not vote for the president-elect. That’s nearly ten million more than voted for him.

The overwhelming number of people who oppose the incoming administration is significant. With more people opposed to him than are those supporting him, the president-elect has little choice to not only expect strong and reactive voices of opposition and defiance but to respond appropriately. Bullies do not go unchallenged for long. Ignorance is never allowed to dominate a situation for long. The opposition to this administration is strong and it is going to be vocal and it is going to be unapologetic.

We’re gonna preach now

Defiant speech is necessary for a society no matter how it is constructed. Those who stand in opposition must take voice. When that voice comes from the position of the under served, the disenfranchised, the bullied, the beaten, and those long ignored, it is going to be loud and it is going to challenge the status quo and it is going to openly defy the authority that has stood in its way. This is not unique to the United States. Defiant speech gets things done and it never, ever apologizes. Consider some examples from history:

Holy Roman Emperor Charles V didn’t like what Martin Luther wrote and placed on the door of the church at Wittenburg. When called before the Diet (assembly) at Worms, Luther was unrepentant and refused to apologize. Luther made it clear that he had no intention of recanting his writings and Charles V was seething. The Holy Roman Emperor did not like being challenged. Yet, by doing so Luther changed the course of the entire Christian world, a social impact that is still effective today. Should Martin Luther have apologized? Hell no!
On March 23, 1775, it was a defiant Patrick Henry, whose stance before the Virginia delegates gathered at St. John’s church was not that of the majority, proclaimed in opposition:“Gentlemen may cry, “Peace! Peace!” — but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!” Many found Henry’s speech deplorable. King George III of England certainly found it offensive. Should Patrick Henry have apologized? Hell no!
The events of August 28, 1963 offended a lot of people. As most Americans watched on television, the mall across from the Lincoln Memorial began to fill with people of color who were fed up with the way they had been treated and tired of having their voices ignored. A young preacher, named after another preacher known for his defiant speech, stepped up to the microphone and said,“I have a dream, that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood . . .
I have a dream, that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream . . .”People sat in stunned silence to hear Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s words. They struck a chord that went deep to the heart. Millions did not like what they heard, but it was time for the world to change and that change was not going to come from continuing to be silent and not challenge the status quo. Should Martin Luther King, Jr. have apologized for that speech? Hell no!

Speeches of opposition and defiance are rarely received well. We cannot expect that someone would challenge a presumed authority and expect to have that challenge welcomed and embraced. Yet, there is no question that every voice needs to be heard and that the collective sound of those voices as they grow louder and stronger serves to stand in the face of tyranny as a guard against the destruction of freedoms many have died to win. There is no place for apologies here. On these things let us be very clear:

We stand in opposition to those who tolerate hate, whether it is their own or that of those around them and with whom they associate.

We stand in opposition to those who would deny the rights of an individual to be who and what they were created to be.

We stand in opposition to those who attempt to define who can love whom.

We stand in opposition to those who would deny citizenship to one based on their belief system or country of origin.

We stand in opposition to those who attempt to rule over what a person can do with their own body.

We stand in opposition to those who endanger the world by denying science in favor of mythology.

We stand in opposition to those who consider the color of a person’ skin as a qualifier for their humanity.

We stand in opposition to those who would put their personal profit ahead of the good of the country.

We stand in opposition to those who would deny education and place it out of reach.

We stand in opposition to those who place families in danger, who imprison those they fear, and enslave those imprisoned.

We stand in opposition to those who would build walls.

We will not be silent. Our place and our voice is established by the universe, not by man.

We will not be silent. We will stand in the highways and the hedges, on the street corners, and on the stages of Broadway to announce our opposition.

We will not be silent. We will protect those we love, our way of life, and our future.

We will not be silent. We will shout in the face of fear and drown out the voices of bigotry and ignorance.

We will not be silent. We will use every means and method at our disposal to ensure that this country of the people, by the people, and for the people shall never disappear from the face of this earth.

We are the opposition. We are 71, 000, 869 strong and we will not go away, we will not be quiet.

So, Mr. President-elect, take your pettiness, your shallow offense, your whining children, and the ignorance that follows you and prepare to be opposed. We will not back down. We will not give up.

And we will NEVER apologize.

Current Issues / PotD

Several Apologies We Need To Make

November 9, 2016

charles i. letbetter - several apologies we must now make

Given the results of yesterday’s presidential and congressional elections, there are several apologies we, as a country, need to make.

America has made a grave error, the impact of which may not be fully realized until long after all of us are dead and historians have the opportunity to sift through the rubble. We have committed a deed of terrible atrocity, which has no adequate comparison in the annals of time. We have endangered not only ourselves, but the entire world. As such, we need to start apologizing now to the many groups we have offended, endangered, marginalized, and disgraced.

We owe an apology to over 60 million men and women who gave their lives in WWII in an effort to save us from a fascist, racist, narcissistic, xenophobic, homophobic, power-hungry dictator. 25 million of those people were military, the rest were civilians, many of whom died in prisons or labor camps. We elected the very sort of person they bled and died to keep us from having to endure. For our actions yesterday, we have no choice but to apologize.

We must apologize to the millions of women now doomed to second-class personhood, who will quickly see their reproductive and healthcare rights taken away, who will have to continue enduring unwarranted sexual assault, who will continue earning less than men, and who are likely to see incidents of bullying and intimidation rise. To all the women about to be adversely affected by America’s most ridiculous decision, we have no choice but to apologize.

We must apologize to every person aged 50 and older who has been paying into the Social Security system since they were teenagers, trusting the government’s promise that the money would be there when they retire. With a Republican-controlled Congress, that money will soon be completely gone and will never return. As stock prices are already taking a considerable tumble, chances of finding solace in a 401K are severely diminished as well. They have just lost any hope of retirement. They will work until they fall over dead. To them, we have no choice but to apologize.

We must apologize to all the workers who will now either lose their jobs or see their wages diminish. Foreign-owned companies who have enjoyed relatively easy trade with the United States are waking up this morning to the promise of increased tariffs and trade restrictions. Some have already said that any increase in duty taxes will force them to leave the country. When they do, the jobs they create go with them. Similarly, a Republican-controlled Congress means that the federal minimum wage has no hope of increasing, unions will be busted, and wages for remaining jobs will go down. To everyone affected by this tragedy, we have no choice but to apologize.

We must apologize to every person of color who has just seen their personhood marginalized by a president-elect who finds them inferior, replaceable, and disposable. Civil rights have just been set back over 100 years. All the gains for which people such as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Rosa Parks, Emmett Till, and thousands of others worked so hard and so long, some to the point of giving their lives, have all now been placed in danger of elimination, if not in actual deed at least in spirit. As a white man, I am ashamed. As a country, we have no choice but to apologize.

We owe an apology to the millions of immigrants who came to this country looking for a better opportunity and have found only hate, derision, and now full condemnation for even existing within the borders of this country. Our national ignorance to the value of immigrants is overwhelming and now that severe ignorance is what guides the creation and application of public policy. Without immigrants, we very quickly become a much, much poorer country. We have crushed their dreams and, for many, doomed their very lives. For such actions, we have no choice but to apologize.

We owe an apology to everyone who identifies as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, or any other sexual orientation not deemed “straight enough” for those who, like our new vice-president-elect, believe that sexuality is ordained by their deity. The LGBTQ has fought long and hard to make even the most modest gains toward acceptance, but now they are faced with a clown in the Vice President’s office with a proven hatred toward all of them. All of the advances they have made are likely now thrown out the window. If the vice-president-elect has his way, their lifestyles will become criminalized. We could have prevented this tragedy, but we didn’t and for that we have no choice but to apologize.

We must also apologize to all our children whose futures have now been destroyed, whose dreams and hopes have been dashed to pieces. Our actions yesterday do not communicate our love to them, but rather our selfishness. Their lives will now be less safe as the Republican Congress removes regulation and oversight from corporations. They will be less informed as journalists are punished for telling the truth about this megalomaniacal administration. More of them will die from malnutrition and lack of affordable healthcare as the programs designed to protect them are eliminated. More of our children are now likely to experience homelessness. More of our children are likely to reach adulthood under-educated and unable to go to college. Fewer children are likely to have access to technology, to safe and appropriate child care, to appropriate housing, and even basic education. Of all the people ill-affected by yesterday’s election, our children, the ones we claim to cherish, are the ones who bear the brunt of our horrible actions. What we have done to them is nothing short of abuse. For our sins, we not only own them an apology, but our very lives.

Americans chose to elect hate yesterday. There can be no unity in hate. Great harm and great danger now stands ready to take the lead. Your deity cannot help you now. We owe the world an apology.

Fashion / PotD

You Are Paying To Enslave Children

October 24, 2016

charles i. letbetter - could our children become slaves

Let us put our minds together and see what life we can make for our children. —Sitting Bull

charles i. letbetter - You Are Paying To Enslave Children

We want our children to have wonderful lives, but not every child is so lucky

I came across an article this morning from Darragh MacIntyre of the BBC program, Panorama. I’m going to quote him rather heavily, starting with this:

I’d been told that child labour was endemic in Turkey. But I wasn’t prepared for the reality of it. Or the scale of it. One basement workshop was almost entirely staffed with children, many of whom couldn’t have been more than seven or eight years old, the very picture of Dickensian misery.

We’ve talked about this before here and here, both just months ago. While fast fashion retailer H&M got a bit riled that we dare to mention them in an article, no one else really seemed to care. Neither article received many reads, no shares, hardly even a shrug. If I didn’t know better, I might get the impression that those of you reading don’t give a damn about the plight of children.

And maybe you don’t care. At least, not about those children. After all, we are too often talking about refugee children. In this particular case, the focus is on Syrian refugee children. We’ve already, as a country, fumbled the political football on that situation. As millions of families, many with very small children, continue to flee cities such as Aleppo, will we similarly fail them as they rush headlong into economic situations where child labor is their only hope for survival?

Look at the pictures of that previous baby above. She’s six-years-old now and enjoying first grade. She’s lucky. She’s white. She’s American. She’s well cared for. But not every child is so fortunate.

Is This Our Problem?

From the BBC:

It was just before 08:00. A group of people had gathered on a street corner on the outskirts of Istanbul, all desperate for a day’s work. …

We filmed through the blacked-out windows of our van a dozen yards away as a middleman picked this day’s workforce, selecting them one by one. Those who were chosen boarded a bus to take them to a factory.

We know now that up to seven of the workers on board were Syrian refugees. One was just fifteen. Another, we’ll call him Omar, was our source.

Later that evening, Omar met up with me. He showed me the labels from the clothes he’d been working on, that day. I recognised them instantly. So would you. The brand could hardly be better-known in the UK.

Americans are very good at looking at such stories and responding curtly with, “That’s not my problem.” Unless it is happening quite literally in our own backyard, we distance ourselves from any problems or issues that anyone else in the world might be having. We are, as a society, extremely well versed in this sort of denial.

So whose problem is this? If it is not ours, since we’re the one buying the clothes and demanding that there be more and more of them every time we shop, then where does the blame lie? Do we fault Syria for having a horrendous leader with no qualms about killing his own people? Should we blame Turkey, whose recent crackdown has made it even more difficult for refugees to find work there? Or do we blame the fashion labels whose names appear on the collars for the clothing being sewn together by these young children?

Certainly, there is plenty enough blame to go around for everyone to take a share. What’s missing is anything resembling responsibility.

How Bad Could It Be?

As we discovered with our articles earlier this year, if one names a brand and calls them out for contracting suppliers that use child/slave labor, they get quite upset. They’ll tell you about their inspections and how rigidly they monitor the companies who sew their clothes. However, consider what Mr. MacIntyre discovered:

All the brands I contacted about this programme say they regularly inspect the factories making their clothes to guarantee standards. Some of these audits are unannounced. But the Syrian boys explained how the factories got round this problem.

When the auditors arrive, they are hidden out of sight. And when the auditors leave, they go back to work. As simple as that. Some of the brands acknowledge the inherent failings in the auditing process and are now trying to tie up with trade unions and NGOs to combat abuses.

Other factories may never be visited by auditors because as far as the brands are concerned, they don’t make their clothes. They’re part of the chain of sub-contractors who make up much of the garment industry in Turkey.

They take orders from so-called first-tier factories – official suppliers to the brands – but often without the knowledge of the brands themselves.

This is where you’ll find the worst abuses of Syrian refugees and children. We decided to follow delivery vans from one of the first-tier factories hoping they would lead us down their supply chain.

Our plan was successful but also darkly disappointing. We filmed outside one of the sub-contractors as a small boy carried and dragged bags of material as big as himself to one of the vans. He couldn’t have been more than 12.

Twelve-years-old. Are you good with that? Does it bother you in the least that the very garment you are wearing right now was very likely pieced together by a child who should have been in middle school? Sure, there are laws, and there are inspections so that labels and retailers have plenty of excuses for saying that their clothes are not part of the problem. But as the BBC investigation discovers, at least some of those inspections are practically meaningless. They might disrupt a plant’s production for a few minutes, but they don’t prevent children from being continuously employed when they should be in school.

It Couldn’t Happen Here, There Are Laws

As Americans, we find it far too easy to sit back in our comfortable chairs, in our nice, warm homes, wearing our comfortable clothes, and think that we are immune. Certainly, nothing like what we see in Turkey could ever happen here. Our kids are safe. There are laws.

Funny, there are laws against child labor in Turkey, too. There were similar laws in Syria. When the people in charge of a country don’t care about those laws, however, they are easily ignored. When profit is given a higher regard than humanity, this is the result. For all the talk about how wonderful a “free market” is and how that government should stay the hell out of business concerns, Turkey shows us what happens when a “free market” is not sufficiently regulated.

Stop and think about all the rhetoric you’ve heard during this election cycle, not only from the Republican candidate but just as fervently from the Libertarian candidate. Both are quite sure that we need less government oversight, that regulation is strangling our ability to compete internationally. Why? Because American companies are punished, severely, if they employ twelve-year-olds. American companies are fined and sometimes forced to close if they do not pay their employees a minimum wage that is already well below a livable level. Both teh Republican and Libertarian candidates would happily remove any and all restrictions from American manufacturers so that they could “better compete in an international market.”

So yes, the very thing that we see happening in Turkey could happen here. There are far too many people who would support that kind of “free market” thinking.

Moral Obligations

One final quote from the article:

Our evidence confirms that big fashion brands are profiting from refugees and their children. All the brands involved say they are completely opposed to child labour and any exploitation of Syrian refugees.

But our investigation shows they sometimes don’t know how or where their clothes are being made. And until the brands know exactly who is making their clothes, then this type of exploitation is almost certain to continue.

Fashion brands hold a lot of the moral obligation for making sure their clothes are being assembled under the proper conditions, that employees are being paid a just and livable wage and that children are in school where they belong. If the inspections are not working, and they’re obviously not, then different means need to be found or different providers need to be contracted to ensure that no child/slave labor is involved in assembling any piece of clothing, anywhere, ever.

At the same time, though, we have a moral obligation as consumers to help put an end to this nonsense. We have to pay attention to where our clothes are being made. It doesn’t matter if you’re paying $2500 for a dress or $25 for its knockoff, both are just as likely to have been assembled in a sweatshop. There is no reason to tolerate this situation, and the more than we do the more pressure we put on legitimate and honest manufacturers to cheat as well. When domestic companies are not able to compete with ridiculously low wages, they place political pressure on our leaders to remove the restrictions that keep them from doing exactly the same.

We have been extremely fortunate over the past hundred years or so that our children don’t have to worry about being enslaved by a manufacturer. That situation could change in a heartbeat with your vote. If we elect a President and a Congress that is committed to removing government regulations, or ignoring the ones already in place, we end up with employers who are exactly like those in Turkey.

Your children, your grandchildren, could become slaves.

I don’t know how to put it any more blunt than that. The situation is right there in front of your face. Americans hold a responsibility not only to our children but to children around the world. We cannot allow this continue, whether in Turkey or Bangladesh, and we certainly cannot allow it to begin, again, in the US.

The solution starts with your vote. Vote carefully.

Photography / PotD

Photography Nightmares: What We’re Really Thinking

October 22, 2016

I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don’t worry it’s not the end of the world. —Jay London

Photographers love most of our clients, but the nightmares come when unreasonable requests are made

We like you. We really, really like you. Photographers love their clients, especially repeat clients who keep coming back for portraits or other special imagery. We love clients who understand the value of what we do, who don’t keep needling us when it takes longer than expected to finish their pictures, and especially the ones who tell their friends that they need to use us as well. These are the people for whom we might consider bending the rules every once in a while, and for whom we’ll at least consider their more outrageous requests.

Then, there are the nightmares. These are the clients who are never satisfied with their pictures, the ones who question your quality, whether you even know what you’re doing, and claim that their four-year-old could do better. We stay up at night fearing the client who trashes us to their friends, but then comes back again and has the audacity to ask for a discount or special service that you don’t normally offer. These are not nice people.

Yet, as professionals, we are supposed to take the nightmares with a grain of salt, keep a smile on our face, and attempt to say no to their requests while re-directing them back to our stated policies. I was amused earlier this week when a sponsored article popped up in my Facebook newsfeed offering a chart with answers to the most common objections photographers face. The chart was created by Joy Vertz, a portrait photographer based in Mequon, Wisconsin. The advice she gives is solid. However …

What We Say Isn’t Always What We’re Thinking

Ms. Vertz is one of those lovely, positive, go-get-’em people who doesn’t take no for an answer. She smiles, redirects, restates, and closes the sale. She’s successful both in terms of her own photography business and also with helping other photographers who are struggling. I’ve never met her, but I’m sure she’s a wonderfully nice person who could sell a block of ice to a resident of the South Pole. Some people just have that right attitude for selling.

The rest of us, however, struggle with closing sales. Not all of us are natural-born salespeople. In fact, the more creative we are, the more difficult it can be for us to function in a business capacity. We work best when someone else handles all the sales closing stuff, leaving us to take the pictures and be creative and occasionally do some really amazing work. Dealing with anyone who is the slightest bit contrarian isn’t our strong point.

As I was reading through Ms. Vertz’s list of objections, I couldn’t help thinking, “Yes, that’s what you should say, but that’s not what I would be thinking.” I’m one of those people who does better when Kat closes the sale. She’s friendly, cheerful, and can keep a smile on her face even when talking to a complete idiot. I can’t. Stupid people make me want to throw things. So, I thought it might be fun, since it’s Saturday and if you’re reading this after 8:00 AM you’re probably not out shooting today, to consider what we would actually like to say to clients who cause us nightmares. The objections come from Ms. Vertz’s list. I don’t have time to address them all, but this should be enough to make my point.

You are too expensive. I can’t afford you.

Wrong. You don’t want to pay me for the value of my work. You want a discount. You always want a discount. Yet, you’ll pay $8 for that freakin’ latte you’re holding. You down what, three of those a day? I’m not too expensive, you just have really lousy priorities, are selfish, and fail to value anyone in the service industries. Go away. I don’t have time for you.

I just want a disk of images

Why? Because you want to share them online (which is fine if you’ve paid for the disc) or because you want to take them to the drug store and get really crappy prints instead of paying my prices? Or even worse, you’re not going to try printing them on your home inkjet, are you? After I’ve spent hours getting the tonal and color quality of your images just right, you’re going to ruin them by printing on some non-calibrated crappy little no-name printer you picked up at a garage sale? And then you’ll complain because the pictures don’t “look right.” Please.

Just put them online for us to look at

Damn, you’re lazy. If you think I’m going to wait around for months while you do everything but choose your proofs, you’re crazy. Make a decision already. Chances are you’re going to go with your first choice, anyway. Better yet, let me decide for you. You’re too distracted to pay attention to what you’re doing. You’re giving me a headache.

[By the way, Joy’s answer to this one is spot on: To have an online gallery is $500 which applies 100% to your order placed within 1 week. It is $25 for each additional week. ]

What is the cheapest way I can get an image for Facebook?

Take a fucking selfie like everyone else? Pay for a session and we’ll happily give you permission to use the finished photos online with appropriate credit. Re-edit the picture or fail to give credit, though, and I’m SO going to bitch. Okay, not really, but I’ll think bad thoughts about you and complain about you to my dog.

Can I see all the photos?

Uhm, no. Part of my job is to make you look good. You know, remove the blemishes from things like really bad acne, or removing those horrid dark circles from under your eyes because you don’t sleep, eat horribly, smoke like a fucking chimney, and drink three bottles of wine a night. You come here wanting me to make you look flawless and glamorous like a model. So no, I’m not showing you all the photos.

You don’t mind that I brought all of our cousins along, do you?

Uhm, YES! First of all, pull those kids off the props. This is not a fucking playground. Do I look like someone who has the patience of a preschool teacher? You do realize there’s no way I’m getting five toddlers all looking in the same direction at the same time, even if I had a puppy. I’m going to need half a bottle of scotch after we finish this one and you had damn well better buy the largest package we offer. Your child just peed on my carpet. I hate you.

We really love our clients.

Of course, we would never actually say any of those things to anyone’s face. We do our best to be polite and nice and not curse too much in front of children. At least two-thirds of our clients are really wonderful people. We enjoy working with them. However, we keep having nightmares. Every photographer I know has nightmares.

If you look on our home page, where we describe our services, we provide the instruction: Please be sure to communicate your needs fully to avoid any surprises. One of those surprises is that we will charge an additional fee to clients who are especially difficult. If someone is going to be a complete pain-in-the-ass, they’re going to pay for that experience.

Now you know what we’re thinking. Be a good client, not a nightmare. Thank you.

pop culture / Social Commentary

Dads Change Diapers, Too

October 11, 2016

Dads do a lot of things with their kids, but in some places, the biggest challenge of all is changing a diaper.

charles i. letbetter - Dads chance diapers, too

When Dads step up to help with the kids they often discover the world isn’t ready to accommodate them.

When my oldest son was born, our circumstances were such where it was possible, and made sense, for him to hang with me most the day. He went everywhere I did. He had his own space at the office. He was expected in the conference room. Everyone from interns to grandmas fawned over him at the radio station. Okay, he almost caused a bomb scare at City Hall, but every place else we went he was welcome and we had a lot of fun.

One of our favorite things to do, especially in the winter, was walking laps around the mall. He loved being in his stroller and usually would fall asleep for a nice, long nap after about an hour and a half. I had time for coffee and a sandwich and chatting with other dads before he would wake up and demand to be fed. Rarely did we ever have a problem of any kind. The mall was a cool place to be.

Unless his tummy was upset. Again, it didn’t happen often, but when it did, changing the child’s diaper required wearing a hazmat suit and a biohazard disposal team. Finding a place to change him, though, was impossible. All the baby changing stations in the mall were placed in women’s restrooms. Changing him out in the middle of everything was both cruel (to everyone) and unsanitary. Yet, we had little choice. The problem was significant.

Hello, Babies Act

Apparently, someone in Congress finally experienced this baby changing problem and decided to correct it. This past Friday, President Obama signed the Babies Act, legislation that requires baby changing stations in men’s public restrooms. We can thank Rep. David Cicilline (D-Rhode Island) for authoring the act, which passed with only 34 “nay” votes (all Republicans, if that matters).

There are some caveats. The bill only applies to public buildings, ie, court houses, government office buildings, etc. So, the folks at Simon Properties still aren’t required to put them in their men’s restrooms (though, to their credit, Simon was one of the first to start voluntarily putting baby stations in men’s rooms about 15 years ago). Some privately owned restaurants are still not likely to have them.

Also, the bill doesn’t apply if the restrooms are not meant to be public and only one accessible facility per floor is required. That last exception inevitably means that your child’s diaper will not blow out until you are on the extreme opposite end of the floor from the restroom. Trust me, babies understand bathroom geography. Still, this is at least a start, right?

Not Everyone Understands

Sadly, when I saw mention of the Babies Act being signed into law, there was immediately below it a comment claiming the law was a prime example of government over-reach. Another decried it as the demasculinization of our gender. There are plenty of people who don’t understand just how severe the problem is.

Yet, wander out with a little one still in diapers and the problem is likely to make itself evident very quickly. While little ones can have some of the most disgusting diapers every known to humanity, the well-contained accidents of a toddler can be just as challenging to change. There is a good reason those changing stations come with straps! Changing a toddler in public is risking having to chase said toddler bare-bottomed through whatever facility one is in.

Should government be involved? Uhm, yeah. It’s called equal access. Changing diapers is a matter of public heath, folks. Those little things have the ability to carry some pretty serious diseases. Do you really want us changing one of those a mere ten feet from where you’re trying to eat? Without appropriate facilities. That’s what happens.

Everyone Benefits

Changing a baby with a bad diaper is a big deal. On one occasion, my little guy had totally blown out his diaper and ruined his clothes. The stroller wasn’t in the best of shape, either. I knew I couldn’t change him out in the middle of the food court. We needed a restroom. One of the other dads suggested I try some of the stores to see if they would let me use an employee restroom or something.

So, off we went, my smelly, poo-covered child and I, from store to store, looking for a restroom. Most of the employees we encountered were young women who didn’t have children of their own and were not management. They looked at the little guy in horror as they sent me on down the row. Finally, after at least a half-dozen stores had refused us, a female manager motioned to us.

“Come on in here,” she said, looking both ways as if we were committing a crime. “We’ll fix you up a place to clean that baby.” The employee restroom wasn’t much, but she cleaned off a counter, put down a couple of pieces of plastic, and then retrieved some clean towels and dampened them with warm water. We got the little guy changed and dressed and she helped me dispose of the damaged goods appropriately.

No parent and baby should have to go through that desperation. No public place should be exposed to the horrors of a child’s diaper. It’s good that we finally have a law that sets a standard so that dads can attend to infant cleanliness.

Thank you, Congressman Cicilline.

Photography

All The Mistakes Photographers Make

October 6, 2016

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes. —Oscar Wilde

Photographers make a lot of mistakes. We’re human. So, do we really need to list them all?

I don’t have much time to read while we’re in the middle of covering fashion shows, so I was excited to dive back into the pile of articles and books that have been waiting for me. Okay, so some of my choices might have been mistakes. I really shouldn’t even open an article with a title like: 3 Mistakes Professional Photographers Make That Could Ruin Their Career. I found the article on Modern Lens Magazine, which had copied it from Lightstalking.

The article very briefly addresses three basic mistakes:

Inability to say no
Not improving
Giving clients too much control

So, address those issues and everything is rosy, right? If those are the biggest problems a professional photographer has then it should be easy to correct and start making money. Hundreds of my would-be colleagues are already thinking how the article might apply to them while simultaneously refusing to admit that they make any mistakes at all. We are a rather silly lot when one gets right down to it.

I don’t have a problem with the actual content of the article. What bothers me is the inference that there are only three mistakes that are ruining our business. Fact is, we’re so error-prone (as a group, not you individually, you’re cool because you’re reading this article), that it is a miracle any of us make a profit at all. Those who do make a decent living aren’t error-free, either. They’ve simply learned how to either work around their mistakes or turn their mistakes into customer benefits; enhanced services if you want to think of it that way. We’re all fallible.

Mistakes We Could Make

I’m not sure there is any real benefit to calling out specific mistakes photographers make and saying, “Hey, you, the guy with the viewfinder imprint permanently etched on his face, stop doing that thing you’re doing.” If we are really that oblivious to our problems then we have significantly larger issues we need to address. Professional counseling is highly recommended. Goofs and foul-ups that we’ve already committed are in the past. What we need to avoid are the things that can really ruin our business in the future. A few things that come to mind are:

Calling the client a jackass, even if they are
Setting a call time for 6:00 AM but sending an assistant and not showing up yourself until 10
Screaming at the President’s security team
Drop kicking the client’s yappy Pomeranian
Completely destroying the paint job on client’s $250,000 sports car by insisting that the only way to get the perfect shot is to stand on top of the automobile
Attempting to take photos on the tarmac of an international airport without permission
Bringing your preschool-aged children and letting them eat chocolate as they wander through the racks of designer clothes
Telling everyone on set just exactly how you would bang the model if given the opportunity
Dragging power cords for you lights through a large puddle in which multiple people are standing
Tripping a model because you didn’t like the way she walked
Throwing things onto the runway while a fashion show is in progress
Eating the lunch that was delivered specifically for your client

Yes, every last one of those this has happened. Yes, in each case the photographer’s career was ruined. You’ve been warned. Don’t do these things.

Mistakes We Should Make

Another reason we probably should be careful about calling out photographers’ mistakes is that there are a few “mistakes” that we actually should make. Sure, they don’t put any money in our wallets, but they put good vibes out into the universe, make people smile, and keep us all from becoming the surly old grouch that I already am. Some of the things that come to mind are:

Taking excessive pictures of kittens
Taking excessive pictures of kittens with small children
Moving a shoot to protect an endangered environment even if there’s no reasonable substitute
Giving away pictures to non-profits, without credit, because it helps what they’re doing
Getting involved and caring about the lives of the people on your team, especially if you consistently use the same team
Going over budget because you paused the shoot to help victims of a nearby traffic accident
Taking as many pictures of puppies as you do kittens
Going on vacation and not taking your professional camera
Feeding the models
Trying something new when you already know it probably won’t work
Let a rookie use your best camera for a few frames

There are probably other things I could add to this list but I don’t want you thinking I’m getting soft or anything. The point is, any of the things on that list could end in disaster, especially if you ‘re surrounded by people who don’t like kittens and puppies. Of course, I might ask why in the world you tolerate people who don’t like kittens and puppies; that could be a mistake as well.

Perfection Doesn’t Happen

Look, if you’re trying to be the perfect photographer who does everything exactly right, stop. You’re not going to make it. In fact, you’re more likely to kill yourself trying. We all make plenty of mistakes. Do the best that you can and deal with the mistakes as they happen. Learn as you go and share when it makes sense.

However, don’t make the mistake of thinking that just addressing the three or four things on a list inherently makes you a better photographer. Relax. Be yourself. The person who wrote that article isn’t perfect either.

Editorial / PotD / Social Commentary

Regrets, We’ve All Had A Few, But Then—

October 6, 2016

charles i. letbetter - regrets, we've had a few

Regrets? I think everyone has regrets, and people who say they haven’t are either liars… or narcissists. —Lee Radziwill

charles i. letbetter - Regrets, we all have a few

Regrets are motivational because we can’t fix them. They are permanent reminders we need to do better.

Does anyone else hear Frank Sinatra in their head? I don’t think there’s any escaping that. His song might be part of the issue here.

We have, I believe, a problem owning up to our regrets. There has been a line of popular philosophy the past several years that thinks we should live life with no regrets, that we learn as we go and whatever happens is exactly what was supposed to happen. Such thinking is, in my opinion, complete and utter horseshit. There’s a difference between simply making a mistake and doing something we regret. Regrets can’t be fixed. Regrets are forever.

What got me thinking along this line was an article in Marie Claire about women who regret having children. The article caught my eye because I know some of these women. They both became pregnant while on birth control. They never intended to have children. These women knew in advance that they did not have the temperament to be good mothers. Yet, they allowed family, friends, and/or religion to bully them into keeping the kids. Now, they regret having given in. They feel trapped in a life they never wanted, that arguably should never have happened. Consequence after consequence reminds them that their life was meant to be different. These women really understand the inescapability of regrets.

Regrets happen. Ignore them if you want, but there are lessons to be learned here if we take a moment and pay attention. Don’t shove that regret in the back of your mind and forget. Let it guide you.

Regrets Are Different From Mistakes

Imagine how differently My Way would sound if Frank sang, “Mistakes, I’ve made a few …” It’s just not the same, is it?

Why? Because there is a fundamental difference between mistakes and regrets: Regrets can’t be fixed. The consequences of your actions or inaction are irreversible. Nothing you do makes up for your error. You’re stuck.

Mistakes, on the other hand, might have difficult and long-term consequences, but you have an ability to make amends for the wrong-doing. Let’s say, for example, that in the haze of a misguided youth one commits an act of vandalism. Sure, what you did was wrong, but there are things one can do to rectify the situation. One might repair or replace what was broken, repay a property or business owner, and clean up any mess that was made. Life moves on, lesson learned. Someone says, “Hey, we all make mistakes,” and we put the event in the back of our minds.

Suppose, however, that in committing that act of vandalism one’s actions resulted in the death of someone else. You didn’t intend for anyone to get hurt, but it happened and it was your fault. Nothing you do will ever bring that person back. Even if you take that person’s place, do their work, take care of their family, behave like a model citizen the rest of your life, nothing replaces the soul your actions terminated. Nothing. Ever. That’s a regret. Regrets never go away.

Hopefully, one gets through life with few regrets. Certainly, most of us don’t have the burden of being responsible for someone else’s death. Those we have, though, we need to address and accept.

Facing A Harsh Reality

What do you really regret? When one is asked that question our tendency is to mull over some of our larger mistakes. Mine would be going through my youth trying to be who I thought my parents wanted me to be rather than being myself. A lot of time and energy and money was wasted on things that I never really wanted. Opportunities were missed. Yet, over the years I’ve been able to rectify that problem. Who I am now is who I want to be. Sure, I cannot regain my youth, but I am not bound by the errors in judgment I made when I was 15. Do I wish I had done things differently? Sure, but those were mistakes, not regrets.

My biggest regret is not listening to the stories being told, especially those my parents had to tell. Only after they passed did I begin to realize all the questions that we never asked, the lessons we never had a chance to learn. I can’t get that back. Those stories are all gone, lost to eternity because I wasn’t paying attention. Was the action excusable? No, I knew what I wasn’t doing. We even talked about the need to sit down and record conversations, but we never made the effort for that to actually happen.

Regrets don’t have to be huge, they don’t have to be horrific. Regrets do alter lives, though, and the effects are permanent. Facing them doesn’t give us the ability to change the outcome or make amends. However, accepting our regrets lays the foundation for what we do next with our lives. Our regrets tell us what we must change, what to do differently as we move forward with our lives.

Escaping The Chains

Once we deal with the reality of our regrets, we are then challenged to not become enslaved by them. For the women who regret having children, they struggle to regain their lives, their sense of self-worth. I remember one young woman whose child died at the hands of an abusive husband. For her, the regret of not leaving and protecting her baby was insurmountable and after five years of struggle she committed suicide. Dealing with regrets isn’t always life-altering, but it certainly can be.

What we must understand about regrets is that while lives might be changed by our actions, we are still in control of what happens next. We can’t change the past, but the future we build is our own. Regrets give us the ability to change not only our lives, but perhaps the lives of others.

Each of the women in the Marie Claire article thought they were alone, that they were the only one who ever regretted having children. As they spoke up, though, they discovered that others felt the same way and they all needed help coping with that regret. A community was formed. Books were written. New mothers now have resources to help them because of how others dealt with their regrets.

What we learn and how we respond to our regrets is going to be different for everyone, but the one thing for certain is that we must be willing to move beyond them. Regrets might change our lives but they should never stop them.

Current Issues / PotD / science

10 Horrible Deaths Awaiting Offspring Of Anti-Vaxxers

September 25, 2016

charles i. letbetter - 10 horrible deaths awaiting children of anti-vaxxers

No cause justifies the deaths of innocent people. —Albert Camus

10 Horrible Deaths Await Offspring of Anti-Vazzers

Those who fail to vaccinate their children sentence the innocent to the most horrible of deaths for which there is no justification

We do not enter this conversation lightly. My words may well anger some. I don’t expect to persuade those who are already committed, but to those who are still questioning, who have not yet made up their minds, heed my words: Those who do not vaccinate their children hold the blood of the deaths of innocents on their hands. Not only is refusing to vaccinate children one of the most stupid and ill-conceived acts of selfishness ever devised, it is morally criminal for it effects not those making the decision, but those innocents doomed to endure the results.

I have not wanted to tackle this issue as it is off topic for our normal discussions. I realized, however, that I needed to get my hands dirty, metaphorically speaking, and address the matter when I snapped at Kat while she was reading aloud an especially ridiculous comment from someone so horribly ignorant, so fully deceived by all the lies and nonsense, that they didn’t even recognize the basic science of germ theory. Granted, it was still early in the morning and I only had three cups of coffee in me, but the level of nonsense being spewed by this person in a public forum was so intense my temper got the best of me. I barked at Kat to stop reading to me anything written by someone who has ceded use of their brain.

If a topic has gotten under my skin to the point that I’m being unkind to someone I love, then obviously I need to address that matter head-on and be done with it.

All Natural Was A Good Idea

“All natural.” The phrase started becoming dominant in the popular lexicon of the 1960s, when the anti-establishment movement started considering the possibility that everything we were ingesting, wearing, breathing, and eating might not be working in our favor. Back then, there was practically no regulation on the use of chemicals in the creation and development of other products. Neither was anyone watching what was being dumped into waterways. Only when the pollution began to accumulate to a point that it began directly interfering with our lives did Government intervene and pass laws limiting and prohibiting certain chemicals.

The movement was necessary and helped save the lives of millions of people. However, what is important to realize is that the “all natural” proponents of the time used science to make their point. They didn’t rely on conjecture, hearsay, or popular mythology in an attempt to make their point. Studies were done. Samples were taken. Scientific method was used to prove things such as the dangerous levels of lead and mercury in water and other products.

The “all natural” movement today has evolved into an anti-science, anti-medicine group that mistakenly thinks that nature has the solution to everything that sickens us. They are convinced that the more we become holistic and natural in our approach to life, the better our lives will be. So, they decry genetically modified organisms, refuse to drink municipal treated water, and deny their children the safety of vaccines.

Nature Doesn’t Like Us

As it turns out, nature doesn’t like us as much as we like it. Raw milk, the non-pasteurised, non-homogenized stuff that comes directly from a cow’s udder, contains bacteria that, prior to 1864, wiped out entire tribes and cities. The same applies to less natural drinks such as beer and wine. All that alcohol actually gives bacteria a nice resting place rather than destroying it. The all-natural stuff rather sucks.

Many other food sources have similar challenges. Has anyone noticed all the recalls of organically grown leafy vegetables? Ta-da! They need some science in order to survive the process of being packaged, shipped, refrigerated, not refrigerated, and the ride home from the store. Otherwise, they develop nasty things that can KILL YOU if you ingest them. Seriously, all-natural isn’t what it’s cracked up to be!

Jeffrey Kruger, science writer for TIME magazine, wrote in an opinion piece in 2014:

“Messing with nature” is the whole point of medicine, given that it’s nature that cooked up every disease that ever existed. You want pure nature? OK, die young.

As brusque as the statement is, we have the longest life span in over 3,000 years because of science and medicine. Nature will kill you.

No One Wants To Keep You Sick

I’ve heard all the “big pharma” horseshit and I’m not buying it. No one’s best interest is served by intentionally keeping people sick. If we would take a moment to understand how numbers work, we’d see the mathematical fallacy in such a concept. There is no conspiracy. No one is trying to “keep you down.”

Instead, just a few days ago, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and his wife DoctorPriscilla Chan (a pediatrician who had her own daughter vaccinated), pledged $3 billion to the eradication of all disease. In explaining the reasoning behind the commitment, Dr. Chan stated:

We are the limit of what we understand about science and disease. We want to push back that boundary. By investing in science today, we hope to build a future in which all of our children can live long and rewarding lives.

Funny, that doesn’t sound much like a conspiracy to keep everyone sick, does it? Oh, and while we’re at it, please don’t miss the fact that the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation has already spent over $2 billion fighting malaria and have committed another $1.6 billion to fight the spread of AIDS.

Wait, we’re not done. Viacom/CBS CEO and an all-around frequently unlikable guy, Sumner Redstone, donated $1.5 million to help eradicate polio, a disease that would have been gone already if everyone would vaccinate their children. So, let’s just put to rest that ridiculously insane notion that “big pharma” wants to do you harm.

Science Is Your Friend

I fail to understand this unreasonable concept that science and nature are at odds with each other. Science looks at nature, discovers what’s under the covers, how it works, why things respond well to certain stimuli and not others, not because it keeps them out of the bars and brothels (which are already full of politicians and lobbyist) but because doing so helps us to get along better with nature and use nature to our benefit.

For example, it is science that tells us we really need bees for something other than honey. Many of the very vaccinations and cures against which the ignorant rail have their source in a better understanding of nature. Nature is a partner in better health when we pair it with well-studied matters of science. We can all get along.

When we refuse to do so, when people start believing a ridiculous 12-person study that has been thoroughly debunked by the very doctors who participated as well as multiple independent studies then we have a problem. Vaccinations do not cause autism and I can quite comfortably sit here and say without any bad feeling that those who claim otherwise are utter morons and a danger to society.

Yes, some people have allergies to certain medicines. Kat is allergic to penicillin, which is a damned pain when she gets sick, but you don’t find her campaigning against the medicine. I’m deathly allergic to bee stings, too, but you don’t see me out spraying the yard to kill the little buggers.

Anti-Vaxxers Are Vile People

Those who refuse to vaccinate their children are vile people because they are not the ones who ultimately suffer the consequences. Rather, they doom innocent children, theirs and others with whom they come into contact, with the possibility that they could die quite horribly from diseases that are totally preventable. This is not a judgment call. This has nothing to do with race, social standing, educational level obtained, levels of pseudo-fame, religion, national origin, gender, sexuality, or anything else over which one has no control. People who fail to vaccinate their children are making a deliberate choice to put their children at risk.

We have laws that require putting children in specialized safety seats when traveling in vehicles. We have laws about the non-flammability of children’s clothing. There are even laws about how old a child has to be before they can stand at the bus stop by themselves. Our society values our children, yet we are, for reasons I cannot begin to comprehend, tolerating these utter morons who not only put their children at risk, but yours and mine as well because they believe some garbage about vaccines causing autism or some other shit.

No, these people are dooming children to DIE just as surely as did the Nazis who stripped Jewish children naked and marched them to the showers. If anything, the risk at which anti-vaxxers are putting their children is worse because these diseases, against which they should be immunized, may not strike until they’re older. Or they might even be passed on to a subsequent generation that would be born with a fatal disease. Death from these diseases is not quick, but lingers, putting a child through unspeakable pain.

Let’s Get Real About The Danger

There are ten major diseases that can doom a child to a horrible death; diseases that are wholly preventable with vaccinations. This is the risk imposed upon your children. Sure, there’s a chance your child could grow up just fine without any medical issues. There’s also a chance that a two-year-old can make it across a busy four-lane highway without getting hit, but do we really want to take that chance? These are our children we’re talking about!

Here, let’s take a look at just what can happen without the vaccinations that can stop disease.

Measles

Measles, interestingly enough, is a lung disease. If someone who has it, even if they’ve not yet developed a rash, coughs or sneezes in your vicinity and you’re not immunized, there’s a 90 percent chance you’ll catch the disease. Or maybe you weren’t there at all. You thought you were being careful. Walking into the room, though, where that person coughed or sneezed, you touch something on which the saliva from that cough or sneeze landed less than two hours ago, and you’ve caught the disease. Measles is just that easy to catch.

Before these idiotic anti-vaxxers became a problem, measles was all but eradicated. It was extremely rare to hear of a case in the US. Why? BECAUSE PEOPLE HAD THEIR KIDS VACCINATED. Are you understanding this? Prior to the anti-vaxx movement, measles was GONE from the United States! Stupid people brought it back, though, and that’s a danger. Prior to the vaccine, approximately 3-4 million people got the disease each year. 48,000 were hospitalized. 400-500 DIED.

The numbers outside the US, however, where the measles vaccine isn’t available, get really ugly really fast. According to numbers released by the World Health Organization, the number of deaths on the continent of Africa in 2012 was 41,000. Within the Eastern Mediterranean, 25,800. Southeast Asia was hit with 52,000 measles deaths. While the numbers here have yet to exceed a hundred, consider the fact that in the year 2000 there were ZERO deaths from Measles in the US. The fact that we have ANY now is directly attributable to the carelessness and selfishness of anti-vaxxers and the people dying ARE CHILDREN. Feel good about that, do you? Do you kick puppies, too?

Whooping Cough (Pertussis)

This one sneaks up on you. Another lung disease spread by being near someone who has the disease, the cough is the primary symptom. We all cough. Coughing is our body’s way of getting bad things out of our lungs. Perfectly healthy people cough. That’s why we don’t pay too much attention when someone starts coughing, even if it’s a baby. But then, the cough continues. Normal remedies don’t make it go away. Two weeks later the cough is still there and it is much worse. The hacking is so bad and so violent that it has caused people to break ribs. As it continues, the cough causes seizures, interrupts one’s ability to breathe.

Even at this point, the dangers for adults are not too severe, unless you have asthma. For infants less than a year old the danger is very real, though. Babies lack the ability to get their breath back on their own. They cough. They choke. They stop breathing. THEY DIE.

Whooping cough is perhaps the greatest threat to mortality among infants. Even with the vaccine, there were still a handful of deaths every year. Most of those were because parents didn’t realize their child has something more than a normal cough until it was too late. Incidents of Whooping Cough have increased, however. In 2014, there were 20 pertussis-related deaths in the US, the most since 1955. While the number may not sound large, consider that there haven’t been that many deaths since 1955! That’s 60 years ago! Anti-vaxxers are KILLING babies.

Flu

Flu numbers are scary even with the ever-changing immunizations. Some years, supplies of the vaccine run low or isn’t as accurate and we immediately see a spike in the number of flu-related deaths. Without the vaccine at all, though, those numbers would be significantly higher.

The flu is a viral infection of the nose, throat, and lungs. Once again, being around someone who has the disease and coughs is what spreads the germs. As the flu morphs and changes each year, our body’s natural immune system has difficulty keeping up. If it were the same ol’ flu every year, it might not be a problem. But it’s not. Every year, some 49,000 people in the US die from the flu. The very old and the very young are hardest hit. That’s with vaccinations.

What happens if no one takes the vaccination? By one estimate, an H5N1 avian influenza could affect 80 million people in the US. Assuming a 20 percent mortality rate, 16 million people would die. Stop and think about that for a moment. Sixteen million people. More than just a health crisis, this would be a homeland security crisis, an economic crisis. Not only would people in your family die, everyone around you would have someone in their family die. Are you beginning to see the problem?

Polio

THIS DISEASE SHOULD BE GONE ALREADY! This is the disease that proved vaccines work. Throughout the early part of the 20th century, polio was the scourge of the United States. In the summer of 1916, it took the lives of 2,700 children in New York alone. An interesting thing happened, though. The vaccine developed by Dr. Jonas Salk was approved in 1955 and you’ll never believe what happened: THE DISEASE WENT AWAY! Are you understanding the relevance here? People who got the polio vaccine DID NOT GET POLIO!

Not only did the polio vaccine work, it worked quickly. By the year 2000, all of North America was polio free! NO ONE IN NORTH AMERICA HAD POLIO! Then, along came anti-vaxxers who refused to give their children one of the most vital immunizations in human history. Care to guess what happened? POLIO IS BACK. Sure, the numbers aren’t big, yet, but the fact that a disease that had been eradicated from the entire continent has returned is reason enough for alarm.

Understand, you can get polio at any time in your life. 90% of people carrying the disease show no symptoms. While the disease can be stopped with the vaccine, once you get it, there is no cure! YOU WILL DIE and not nearly as quickly as you would like. There will be pain. There will be suffering. The World Health Organization considers a single case of polio an epidemic, it is just that frightening. Almost everyone reading this is too young to remember scenes like this:

10 horrible deaths awaiting children of anti-vaxxers

In the 1940s and 1950s, people with bulbar polio were immobilized inside “iron lungs” – huge metal cylinders that operated like a pair of bellows to regulate their breathing and keep them alive.

So yeah, skip this vaccine and you’re dooming your child to, at the least, a very miserable life, and in the end one of the most painful deaths ever. Happy now?

Pneumococcal Disease

The doctor tells you that you have pneumonia. Not a big deal, right? Stay home, drink plenty of fluids, maybe take a few doses of penicillin. Unless you don’t take the medicine and haven’t been vaccinated. With pneumococcal disease, pneumonia might be the least of your worries. Only 5 out of 100 die of pneumococcal pneumonia. The same bacteria, however, causes Bacteremia, a blood disease that is especially fatal in children under age 5. 1 out of 100 children who contract pneumococcal bacteremia die from the disease.

Then, there’s meningitis. I should mention that we’re going to see meningitis pop up more than once because there is more than one bacteria that can cause the disease. Pneumococcal meningitis kills 1 in 15 children under the age of 5. ONE IN FIFTEEN CHILDREN DIE. Even those who don’t die are likely to have life-long limitations such as hearing loss and learning disabilities. The mortality numbers run even higher among the elderly. That’s right, your vaccination decision can kill your great-grandmother.

Isn’t it wonderful to give a breeding ground to a bacteria that has THREE DIFFERENT WAYS TO KILL PEOPLE? There are vaccines available that can kill the pneumococcal bacteria quickly and easily. There’s no need for ANY child to ever suffer through this kind of death, with high fever, pain, and stiffness. Yet, when parents refuse to have their children vaccinated, this is yet another easily contracted way for children to die. None of this is necessary. All of it can be prevented. Unfortunately, anti-vaxxers are TOO FUCKING STUPID TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT.

Tetanus

When I was a child, perhaps one of the most frequently ignored dangers in our region of Oklahoma was rusty barbed wire. The stuff was everywhere and was we would be running and playing and crawling through fences, getting a scratch and tearing our clothes was inevitable. Most the time, the biggest danger was Mom finding out you’d torn another pair of jeans. Every once in a while, though, someone would get a really bad cut on the barbed wire, or step on a rusty nail in an old barn. Our parents never hesitated a second. Off to the hospital we’d go for a tetanus shot, unless we’d just had one, in which case we were still good.

Tetanus shots today are good for ten years. I remember my last one clearly, just over three years ago. Yes, those suckers hurt a bit. This is not a fun shot to get. Yet, the vaccine is infinitely better than the symptoms that come with tetanus. Get a load of this:

Headache
Jaw cramping (lockjaw)
Sudden, involuntary muscle tightening – often in the stomach (muscle spasms)
Painful muscle stiffness all over the body
Trouble swallowing
Jerking or staring (seizures)
Fever and sweating
High blood pressure and fast heart rate

Oh, and did I forget to mention that, at the end of all that suffering, YOU CAN DIE? 10-20% of tetanus cases are fatal. WOULD YOU REALLY DO THAT TO YOUR CHILD? If you would, you deserve to have very bad things happen to you.

Meningococcal Disease

Remember a few hundred words back when I said we would see meningitis pop up again? Well, here it is. In this form, it is most commonly known as “the kissing disease” because the bacteria lives in the back of the throat and is easily spread through kissing. Public schools are frequently affected. Once the disease is present, the natural amorous activities of teenagers do a frighteningly good job of spreading the disease.

Oh, but you don’t have to kiss someone to get meningitis. All you have to do is live with someone who has it. This disease is highly communicable to the point of often requiring whole families to be quarantined. There are three primary strains of meningococcal disease, referred to as serogroups B, C, and Y and there are vaccines readily available to treat all three groups. This is a reportable disease and outbreaks are frequently listed on the CDC website.

If you have an 11-12-year-old child, they need this vaccine. If you are a first-year college student living in a dormitory, you need this vaccine. If you are a military recruit, you probably weren’t given a choice. You’ve had this vaccine. There are only two reasons for not getting the appropriate meningococcal vaccine: 1. you’re pregnant, which is generally a bad time to be getting vaccinated at all. 2. You have severe allergies. If you’re concerned that you might be allergic to some of the vaccine’s ingredients, consult your doctor. Latex allergies seem to present a common problem.

However, if you are neither pregnant nor allergic, then GET THE DAMN VACCINE. THIS DISEASE KILLS STUPID PEOPLE. Or the children of stupid people. Don’t be stupid.

Hepatitis B

Hey, here’s a nice disease you’ve heard about because there are plenty of sleazy celebrities running around with this Hepatitis B and they’re not dead yet, so it much not be all that bad, right?

Hey, stupid, those celebrities aren’t dead because they’re taking more drugs than are available at your local CVS. Had they not taken all the shots and the medicine their doctors prescribed, we wouldn’t be subjected to their continual parades of nonsense in the press.

Here’s what you need to know: Hepatitis B is 100 times more infectious than HIV, the disease that causes AIDS. While the most common means of transmission are through sex or sharing a needle, it is also very possible for a pregnant woman who has the disease to pass it on to her baby.

Hepatitis B attacks the liver. Chronic conditions (those lasting more than six months) may cause cirrhosis and lead to liver failure. Some people might qualify for liver transplant, but not everyone will. Because this is a disease that spreads primarily through voluntary risky behavior, don’t expect a lot of sympathy if you get it. The vaccine that can reduce the effect of some of the worst symptoms must be received within 24 hours of coming into contact with the disease. Next month doesn’t help you any.

Mothers who pass the disease along to their children start them off in life with a severe handicap. DO NOT DENY THESE CHILDREN VACCINATIONS. You’ve already fucked up by giving them Hepatitis B. Don’t make the situation any worse.

Mumps

I had the mumps as a child. It would seem that I survived. The first mumps vaccine wasn’t available until I was already in school. By then, I’d had the disease and was doing well. I was fortunate, though. My case wasn’t all that severe. A couple of weeks of careful care from our family doctor (I remember more than one shot being involved) and a liquid diet left me cranky but alive.

The danger of mumps is not just the only cause of parotitis, which is bad enough on its own, just look at this wonderful list of other diseases it can cause:

Aseptic meningitis/encephalitis
Sensorineural hearing loss/deafness
Transverse myelitis
Polyneuritis
Guillain-Barré syndrome
Cerebellar ataxia (with encephalitis)
Keratouveitis
Thyroiditis
Myocarditis
Mastitis
Pneumonia
Pancreatitis
Nephritis
Orchitis
Oophoritis
Arthritis
Thrombocytopenia purpura

Oh, and if that’s not enough, it can make adolescent boys sterile for the rest of their lives. Sounds fun, doesn’t it? So many different horrible ways to DIE all wrapped up in what too many people think of as a harmless childhood disease. Still want to put off getting those shots?

Hib (Haemophilus Influenzae Type B)

There is a very good chance you’ve never heard of Hib. Know why? Since the development of a vaccine, incidents of Hib dropped 99%. It’s not quite completely gone, but almost. The only reason it hasn’t disappeared is anti-vaxxers. Since they don’t see it occurring often in the general population, they don’t consider Hib a threat.

However, prior to the development of the vaccine, Hib was the number one cause of bacterial meningitis (yeah, that lovely disease again) among children under the age of 5. Before the vaccine, Hib infected approximately 20,000 children in the US each year. Of those, roughly 1,200 of them DIED. That means this vaccine is saving the lives of approximately 1,200 children a year. Because of this vaccine, more children live to start kindergarten, learn to read, tell silly jokes, and give us snaggle-toothed smiles when their baby teeth fall out.

People who don’t vaccinate their children run the risk of missing all that. Without this vaccination, the incidence of Hib will increase. As we see the disease increase, so will the deaths. Who is responsible for those deaths? THE IDIOTIC PARENTS WHO DIDN’T GET THEIR KIDS VACCINATED!

Manslaughter Is Too Nice A Word

There you go: ten horrible ways to die. We shouldn’t have to worry about any of them because WE HAVE VACCINES THAT PREVENT THESE DISEASES! There is absolutely no excuse at all for not vaccinating your children. This isn’t a choice you’re giving them like whether to go to church or believe in a deity or what flavor of ice cream to have after dinner. No, when you refuse to have your children vaccinated, you leave them vulnerable. Even worse, you’re not leaving them vulnerable to one disease, you’re leaving them wide open TO ALL TEN DEADLY DISEASES. Every last one of them. YOUR child could get Whooping Cough AND the flu AND meningitis AND polio all in one fell swoop! Their little bodies were never meant to have immune systems developed enough to stop all these diseases. GIVE THEM THE FUCKING SHOTS ALREADY!

You know as well as I do that there is a lot of horseshit on the Internet. Unfortunately, there are a lot of really stupid people who believe everything that comes from the mouth of anyone who is on television, or used to be on television, or looks like they could be on television, or might possibly own a television. People who can look past the MOUNTAINS of prevailing evidence, scientific and medical research, clinical studies by REPUTABLE doctors with THOUSANDS of subjects (not just 12), and still choose to believe the OUTRIGHT LIES that come from the anti-vaccination community ARE COMPLETE MORONS.

I want you to get this straight because I’m tired of hearing it come out of your filthy little mouths or seeing it typed by your filthy little fingers:

VACCINES DO NOT CAUSE AUTISM!

NICO LaHOOD IS STILL WRONG!

Both of those headlines are links. Click them and pay attention to the evidence for once in your miserable life!

People who do not vaccinate their children are a threat to national security. When your children become ill with one of the ten diseases we’ve listed, they weaken the herd immunity of the entire country. A nation that loses its immunity against infectious and fatal disease is not a secure nation. We all are at risk because of YOUR behavior.

ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?

YOUR behavior has ramifications well outside yourself. That’s why you don’t get to make this choice. No, it’s not yours to make. You don’t get to make a choice that puts me and my children, and the children in our neighborhood, and the children in the school my children attend, all at risk because YOUR ARE A FUCKING MORON WHO DOESN’T WANT TO BELIEVE THE SCIENCE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE.

Yes, I’m yelling at you because you’re fucking stupid. You are a danger to humanity and a direct threat to the safety and well-being of your own children. Should any of your children die from one of the horrible diseases we’ve listed here, you are not merely guilty of neglect or manslaughter. You are guilty of PREMEDITATED MURDER because you willfully choose to make the WRONG choice and PUT YOUR CHILDREN AT RISK despite the preponderance of evidence literally being shoved in your face.

I have no patience with nor sympathy for those who are so incredibly ignorant as to continue down this path of anti-vaccination. I don’t care if what I say hurts your feelings. Your feelings are not the issue. The issue is the safety and longevity of children, WHICH YOU ARE PUTTING IN DANGER BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO STUPID TO GET THEM THEIR VACCINATIONS. THEIR DEATHS ARE YOUR FAULT!

There Are Two Solutions To This Problem

Obviously, were everyone to decide to stop being stupid and have their children immunized, this whole problem goes away and everyone has a chance to live a reasonably happy life.

Yeah, that’s not going to happen.

So, let’s do this: everyone who doesn’t want to live in a vaccinated world gets to move to a lovely island somewhere in the South Pacific where there isn’t anyone else around for you to infect. You and your family get to move there, away from all the GMOs and the HMOs and the Oreos, and live completely natural lives without any interruption from anyone else. You stay there, where you can’t infect the rest of us. In 20 years, we’ll send out some folks wearing hazmat suits to collect and respectfully dispose of your remains in a manner that prevents any lingering disease from contaminating the rest of us. You get to live the way you want, and the rest of us get to live.

How does that sound? We don’t expect anything from you. You sit there on your island, soaking up the sun, enjoying the waves, the jellyfish stings, the spider bites, the infected fruit, maybe a wild animal or two. We won’t bother you with our modern medicine and vaccinations. You get to live your life all natural. Your deaths will be on your own terms: all natural—and likely painful.

I can get behind that idea. I’d even offer to help you pack but I’m afraid I might catch something.

So, good-bye,. Good riddance. Get the fuck out of here.

Let us know when you come to your senses. You’ll understand if I don’t hold my breath.

Current Issues / Fashion / PotD

Fashioning A Future Of Our Own

September 18, 2016

charles i. letbetter - fashioning a future

I don’t try to describe the future. I try to prevent it. —Ray Bradbury

charles i. letbetter - fashioning a future of our own

What we do now, the things we believe, the acts we commit, all participate in the shaping of our own future

The future is a difficult topic when today has a strange and different feeling to it. Shortly after 3 AM, five cars rolled up at our next door neighbor’s, apparently bringing home the party that started at a local club. An hour later, the dog and I went for our morning stroll. We couldn’t help noticing lights on where normally there are none, an absence of cars where there normally are some, and then, there was the couple who decided to leave the light on and the window open as they had sex. The dog was curious.

Of course, I woke up to the news of the bombing in Chelsea (New York) this morning. At this point, it is still far too soon to know the intent or purpose of the act. Chelsea is a very active area at night. That no one was killed is nothing short of amazing. That hours have passed and the topic is not trending, however, is frightening. We have become comfortable with acts of terrorism.

All of these experiences, from the neighbor’s party to the bombing in Chelsea, become part of how we shape our future. We respond to these events, even if they don’t directly affect us, in ways that, in turn, affect how we respond to other events that have not yet happened. With everything that we do, everything we see, everything that enters our conscience becomes part of what we do next. Do we run? Do we hide? Do we go back to bed? The interconnectedness of it all is mind boggling.

How Children Imagine The Future

The folks over at Hasbro, you know, the place where making sure your kids are well-occupied is a business, decided to ask children to imagine life in the year 2076—60 years from now. Looking into the future is fun when one has their entire future in front of them. At my age, it starts to get a bit frightening. The answers kids gave back, though, weren’t too surprising: flying cars, flying shoes, houses extending up into the clouds. You’ll be glad to know that we all get pet unicorns and stoves cook the food for us.

Oh, and the aliens are our friends at that point.

Hasbro took those answers and did something cool: imagined them in Play-Doh. The process was caught in time lapse photography. Here’s the future of fashion for you:

There are others, equally amusing. What I noticed, though, is that children did not see a future full of fear. We’re friends with aliens. We have unicorns. Everything is okay.

We All May Be Jerks

One of the articles I’m half-reading between fashion shows is How To Tell If You’re A Jerk. I’ll admit that I’ve not been overly enthused about completing the article. I didn’t have to read too far to realize that, yes, there are times I am totally a jerk. So are you. In fact, using the criteria set forth in the article, it would seem rather inevitable that we are all going to be jerks in one way or another.

What is likely more important is whether, or when, we’re going to be jerks in the future. Notice how children see the future. Everything is innocent in their eyes. There are no jerks for them in the year 2076. While I wish we could make that reality come true, I doubt very seriously if we can help ourselves. In order to give today’s children a society free of jerks we would have to:

stop diminishing the humanity of others
accept criticism and realize we are all fallible
acquire an ability to actually listen to others
realize the amazing potential in others

I don’t doubt for a moment that we might want to adopt those traits and attitudes. Certainly, we would like others to treat us with such kindness. Yet, our ability to apply those qualities toward others is strained. We find ourselves in tense situations and our best intentions snap.

A Future Where We All Live

Another article that crossed my path this week comes from The Atlantic and sets a rather ominous tone with the title, The World Is A Thriving Slaughterhouse. My, isn’t that the cheeriest thing you’ve read all day? The author is an award-winning writer who has spent most of his career covering places of conflict, talking to refugees and those who somehow managed to survive the most audacious travesties of war. He points out the fact that over the length of his career, the killing has never stopped. Rather, it only changes locations.

My mind flashes back to New York. Most streets in the Chelsea district are open now. The second device has been defused. Mayor DeBlasio is calling the act “intentional” but still isn’t saying that it’s connected to a specific intent of terror. No one died this time. For that, we are thankful. Yet, the question in the back of my mind still asks, “Is it only a matter of time?”

Children don’t imagine a future where people are constantly dying. Why can’t we give them that? Why can we not make it our goal to create for them a future where, at the very least, humans aren’t killing humans. We may not be able to rid the world of all the horrible diseases. We certainly can’t prevent those acts of nature that wipe out thousands at a time. We can, however, stop intentionally killing each other. Why do we not do that? Why have we not done it before?

The Chance To Make Things Happen

No matter what we try, I don’t think we can make the unicorn thing come true. I’m sure we really want flying shoes, either; I see some potential danger there. There are other things we can do with our future, though. We can make it better than what we have right now. We can make tomorrow brighter. We can make nex week happier.Next month, we can all be in a better place.

What has to happen is we have to start changing our responses to the things that occur around us today. So the neighbor’s party is still going at 5:00 AM. Cool. Be glad they’re having a good time and that no one is getting hurt or driving home drunk. Worry less about what’s keeping others up late and more about we mgiht respond if/when they need help.

More than anything, how we fashion our future depends on us recognizing and valuing the humanity of other people. Even if they’re just as big a jerk as you are. We make a better future one thought, one response at a time. Start now.

Fashion / Personal / pop culture / PotD

Is There Life Outside Fashion Weeks

September 17, 2016

Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced. —Soren Kierkegaard

charles i. letbetter - is there life outside fashion weeks

The crowded schedules of fashion weeks are totally consuming, but we try to not miss the important stuff.

Life gets incredibly busy, doesn’t it? There is always an abundance of activities available and one has to pick and choose carefully which gets our attention. Well, at least we try to pick and choose. At this particular moment, there is a kitten on my desk. His name is Fred Fredburger. Two weeks ago we weren’t sure this little guy was going to make it. Now, not only is he healthy, he has decided to join “guy time” with me, the dog, and the older male cat we call Fat Guy. Fat Guy and the dog are sound asleep, as is their usual activity for 5:00 in the morning. Fred, on the other hand, is on my desk, peeking over the top of the computer, and batting pens onto the floor. He’s rather insistent that I give him my attention.

I am wholly consumed by fashion weeks this time of year. Even as I’m writing now, I’m waiting for the Jasper Conran runway presentation to start in London. I’ve already walked the dog (in the rain), cleaned the kitchen counter, and am well into my second pot of coffee. The fashion schedule from this point forward is packed and keeping up with the elements of life transpiring outside the fashion world is challenging.

So,we took a few moments this morning to look through some headlines and, with Fred’s help, we’re going to take a moment to consider things that probably should be full articles in themselves, and would be if time was more in our favor. Any strange words you see are Fred’s.

Happy Birthday, Zach

Talk abut full schedules. 25 years ago today we welcomed our first baby boy into the world. He didn’t make it easy on his Mother. Me, I sat there and ate cheeseburgers until he finally got around to showing up. He changed our world, turned it upside down in the most wonderful ways, and managed to survive despite the fact we really didn’t know what we were doing.

Zach is at that age now where giving him any advice is rather trepidatious. He is at that core Millennial age and as such life is a very different experience for him than it was for his parents at that age. I was engaged and married his mother when I was 25. He’s taking a more non-traditional path in no small part because the choices that were easily available to me are simply not there for him and I can’t change that. College doesn’t look so good when his peers are graduating thousands of dollars in debt and still not able to find decent jobs. I don’t blame him for taking a different path.

In a lot of ways, Zach has a better head on his shoulders than I did at his age. Sure, he makes mistakes, those are inevitable; but any errors he’s made are understandable and reasonable for who and where he is. He’s carving out a path for himself in a world that isn’t all that welcoming. He’s doing well for 25 and I hope he has a wonderful day.

A Bit Of Good News

Cancer rates in children have declined by one-fifth since 1999. This is a good statistic. Sure, we’d rather there not be any childhood cancers at all, but the fact that the overall numbers are going down mean we’re doing a better job of preventing this horrible disease from affecting our children. The numbers are down across the board regardless of race or gender, which is even better news. Boys are still at more risk than girls, but the rate of decline was similar for both.

Especially promising is the fact that Leukemia is no longer the leading cause of death among children. Those numbers have decreased substantially. This can be attributed to a number of things such as improvement in infant health care, fewer parents (and grandparents) smoking, and better overall living conditions. If ever there were an argument for spending more federal funds on early childhood healthcare, this would be it.

Of course, when one disease leaves the top spot another takes its place. In this case, brain cancers have taken over as the leading cause of death in children 19-years-old and younger. Causation for this one is a lot more difficult to diagnose. Hereditary conditions play into some forms of brain cancer, but so do things like environment and mother’s nutrition. There is still so much about brain cancer we don’t know that putting a dent in its numbers is extremely difficult. No one wants to think about children dying, but they do. We need to make this a priority.

Light ‘Em Up

I know, it seems rather counterproductive to talk about smoking anything after mentioning that Leukemia rates are down, but this is important. The LA Times editorial board published a piece yesterday supporting the legalization of recreational marijuana use. The question is on California’s ballot in November as proposition 64. This comes six years after an unsuccessful attempt that the Times opposed.

A couple of quotes from the editorial caught my eye:

It is ultimately better for public health, for law and order and for society if marijuana is a legal, regulated and controlled product for adults.

By sending mixed messages, the federal government has effectively ceded its role and left it to states to create a new national marijuana policy that legalizes marijuana with minimal harm and meaningful protections.

There a lot of untested claims about marijuana and THC that deserve legitimate study, not shady articles from questionable magazines. There are a lot of young black and Latino men in prison unjustly who this law would benefit. Four other states in addition to California are voting on similar measures. The time has come to legalize recreational use of marijuana and set a new national policy toward use of the plant. Even if you don’t smoke, this makes sense.

Oh, And Football

This afternoon is the Oklahoma/Ohio State football game. The season is still young and the fact that OU dropped its first game against Houston shouldn’t be taken as any indication that the Sooners won’t be ready when the Buckeyes show up in Norman. I wish I could say I will be awake for every moment of the game, but I probably won’t. As much as I love college football, I’ve already been up long enough to be needing a nap. By game time, I’ll be looking for a bed.

At least I’m not at the University of New Hampshire where anger against their new scoreboard could make their game this evening against Dartmouth actually worth watching. Okay, maybe not the game itself, which is likely to be a snoozefest for anyone who’s not an alumni. There’s more spirit in Durham surrounding that damn scoreboard. Why? A very frugal library employee died and left his entire $4 million estate to the university. Now, one might think that the university would spend the majority of that on the library. Nope. They bought a new scoreboard for the football field at a cost of $1 million. The library got $100,000. I can see where the alumni might be pissed.

I enjoy college sports and consider them an important part of university life. They give thousands of young people the chance at an education they would otherwise not receive. At the same time, though, the fact that college football, specifically, has become the strongest revenue source for almost every Division I school is disgraceful. The list of moral wrongs in that situation is wrong and the fact that UNH could justify spending a million dollars on a scoreboard while academic programs suffer says very bad things about us as a society.

But, There’s Still Fashion

So very much fashion. Three shows have walked in the span of time it has taken me to write this article. The parade is never ending and the more I try to ignore it the more fashion makes itself unavoidable. I mean, I just saw a model nearly hog tied by her own skirt as she attempted to walk. How the hell am I supposed to ignore that?

So, let’s just leave it with Happy Birthday, Zach, glad you don’t have brain cancer, and GO SOONERS! We now return you to all the reviews on Pattern.

Fashion / Mythology / pop culture

Damn Kids Ruin Everything. Officially.

September 2, 2016

charles i. letbetter - damn kids are ruining everything. officially

I’ve got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are ‘hello’, ‘goodbye’, and ‘I’m pregnant’. —Dean Martin

charles i. letbetter - damn kids ruin everything. officially

Millennials are accused of killing a lot of things. Some of them needed to be killed.

If I hadn’t pulled the article for reference yesterday, when I was still almost in a good mood, relatively speaking, I’d blame this whole article on the kids. You know, the seven-year-old who decided to play with lighting birthday candles at 2:00 in the morning. And his sister who refused to go to sleep after all the commotion. Damn kids. If I’m more surly and cantankerous than normal it’s all their fault.

However, those particular kids aren’t the ones we’re discussing this morning. Once again, we’re talking about Millennials. You know, the ones born somewhere between 1980 and 2000. These are the same kids that will comprise half the workforce by the year 2020. They are formidable, at least as far as logistics are concerned. They are also very different from Gen-X (those born in the 70s) and the Baby Boomers (born between 1946 and 1963). These dear children have ideologies and concepts sometimes directly in opposition to their parents and grandparents.

As with every generation before us, those of us who are older blame the destruction of the world as we know it on the younger generation. Our grandparents leveled that claim against us, with our rock-and-roll music and that long-haired hippy stuff. I’m sure their grandparents did it to them as well. This is a time-honored tradition that is a necessity if we are to continue progressing. However, millennials stand accused of killing a multitude of things. We’ve seen at least a partial list and it’s quite long. Millennials are murderers.

Those Meddling Kids

I know, I know. I’m sounding more and more like the old man chasing kids off his lawn. In a way, that’s what we’re all doing. When some things change, the things with which we are most comfortable, we’re going to resist; it’s our nature. Some of what has changed because of Millennials pisses us off. Damn kids. We have a right to be upset. Consider this list of things they’ve killed:

Manners. Someone has said that Millennials have no class. This is a broad, sweeping generalization, the kind you’re not supposed to make. There are exceptions. As a group, however, they are totally void of any social considerations. They talk too loud. They are oblivious to anyone else. And have you seen these kids eat?
Retail. No, seriously, it’s all the kids’ fault that Aeropostale was sold at auction yesterday. They don’t shop in stores, they shop online. They don’t pay full price. Bargain basements and second-hand shops source their wardrobes. They just don’t spend money, and for a group their size, that’s a very bad thing.
Vacations. I can’t really say too much on this one. I’ve not had a real vacation since 2009. However, the problem is that not only are Millennials not taking vacations (they can’t afford it), they’re shaming those who do. That, dear children, is enough to make us collectively hate you. We’ve worked hard for our vacation time. Fuck you.
Crowdfunding. Crowdfunding was a really great idea when it applied to unique ideas that were outside the mainstream. Damn brats killed that, though, by asking people to help pay for their weddings, or their honeymoons, or their boob jobs, or their flat tire. This is why we can’t have nice things.

Some Things Need To Die

Not everything that has died at the hands of Millennials is a tragedy. There are some of the things on that list that should have died long ago. Scream and yell at the kids all you want, we’re rather happy that some of these things have died, or at least fallen out of favor.

McWraps and (maybe) McDonalds. McWraps definitely needed to go. That piece of pretentious self-indulgence was long over-due. Putting the whole fast-food chain into a nose-dive was a surprise no one saw coming, though. Millennials don’t like chemically-produced food products. Not a bad move.
9-5 Work Days. There remains some debate over whether the kids actually killed this one or just pulled the sheet over its head. Freelancing, job-sharing, and other creative forms of doing anything but working 9-5 is almost the norm now. Mind you, they still manage to work more hours. This is a good thing.
Email marketing. This isn’t quite complete, but it can’t come fast enough. While Millennials check their email more frequently than anyone, they don’t click marketing links. Hell, half the time they don’t even open the email. Email marketing was always a numbers game but those numbers are almost impossible to reach.
The religious right. Remember that whole Moral Majority thing of the 1980s? Dead. Gone. Fewer of these sinners attend church at all and those who do are far more likely to be part of a more progressive, dare I say liberal congregation. They have a different morality. They support a woman’s right to choose. LGBT lifestyles are their normal. Sorry, Newt, you can go decompose now.

Not Letting Them Off The Hook

Just because the damn kids got a few things right doesn’t mean we can let them off the hook for ruining the things we enjoyed. I’m still on the fence about them destroying network television as we once knew it. I just don’t get into the whole binge-watching craze. I rather agree with them on their concepts of dating and marriage, too. Their obsession over gluten-free and organic is a pain in my ass, though. I don’t like paying more for vegetables just because someone carefully measured the amount of shit that was dumped on them. And I like bread, dammit! And cookies! You just keep your tiny little hands off my gluten!

We also have to take them to task for this whole anti-vax thing. C’mon, kids, just because you didn’t like the ouchy shots doesn’t mean they weren’t good for you. And while we’re at it, the rest of the world would appreciate it if you’d actually discipline your own brats, now that you’re finally having them. We’re sick and tired of them talking back to teachers and other adults and swearing like little sailors. No, it’s not fucking cute. We’re not laughing.

Being the largest demographic group in the world carries a lot of responsibility. We Boomers should know, we had a similar effect when we came along and it cause problems for a lot of older people. There were too many times we didn’t think before we acted. Disco is a good example.

So kids, watch yourselves. We don’t care if there are more of you than there are of us. Have some consideration for the generation that made the choice to let you live. Trust us, there were plenty of times when we considered the alternative. Some days, we still do.

And stay the fuck off my lawn.

Current Issues / Mythology / PotD

Dear World: Your Actions Are Unacceptable

August 27, 2016

I’m not sure I’m trying to communicate a message. I’m just trying to be part of the movement away from the unacceptable present. —Wole Soyinka

charles i. letbetrer - dear world you actions are unacceptable

The world gets a giant middle finger for all the nonsense it has generated as well as a shit load of unnecessary pain.

I am not a happy camper. In addition to dealing with eight tornadoes hitting the area on Wednesday and flooding in our own yard yesterday, most of the rest of the world seems to have come off its hinges with actions and events that are wholly unacceptable. Making matters worse, the biggest failures of the week are not merely unacceptable for their own anti-human deviance but are indicative and symptomatic of much larger problems that we’ve attempted to address before.

Maybe I should just stay away from the news. Reading through my feed every morning makes my blood pressure soar even before the normal frustrations have a chance to piss me off. I find that too often I’m already in a terrifying mood before I get to my second cup of coffee. That situation on its own should be unacceptable, but it is becoming a daily ritual: Drink coffee, read news, lose temper, make more coffee. I swear, if it weren’t for the coffee I might do something dangerous.

Instead of directly endangering lives, though, what I’m doing this morning is attempting to exorcise these demons of society by exposing their unacceptable behavior loudly and publicly. We’ve seen more than once this week where social media backlash can turn into genuine dissent that results in positive action. We need more of that. If yelling and screaming make a difference, then I’m ready to participate. Here are the most unacceptable issues.

Complete Ignorance

Offender: Michelle Backman. Why anyone still puts a microphone in front of this woman’s face is beyond me. The pandering crackheads over at Breitbart News (a misnomer from the beginning) are responsible for the latest tirade. The level of ignorance shown is unacceptable on its own. What’s scary is that there are millions of people who actually believe this nonsense. Here’s what she had to say this time:

“I don’t think all of the suffering of African-Americans during the period of slavery can ever equate to what’s been done to white conservative Americans in the past 8 years …”

Yes, she actually said that. She is of the opinion that giving everyone else in America what white people already had is somehow oppressing white people. You and I both know that’s a goddamn lie, but it’s one that keeps being repeated over and over and over. White people are not victims. They probably deserve to be, but they’re not. It’s time to push back against this claptrap and put an end to such unacceptable behavior.

Religious Criminality

Offender: Bishop Ken Adkins. Like so many right-wing pastors, Adkins has been very vocal against LGBT rights. He is on record as saying that Orlando PULSE victims “got what they deserved.” That right there tells you this is not a good person, despite his self-anointed title. What we found out this week, though, is that the Bishop has a thing for molesting children. The press release from the Georgia Bureau of Investigation was tweeted by a Jacksonville news outlet:

#ANjaxBREAKING: Controversial #Brunswick pastor Ken Adkins arrested for alleged child molestation, per #GBI. pic.twitter.com/BPzShmeZuU

— Russell Colburn (@RussellANjax) August 26, 2016

In addition to the Bishop’s actions and words being unacceptable, what gets my goat is that THIS KEEPS HAPPENING and no one is doing anything about it! How many more times are we going to endure headlines like this before we start looking more carefully at the men behind the pulpit (and yes, it is exclusively men who have been the problem)? Sure, it’s only a few bad apples, but those apples keep poisoning barrel after barrel of innocent children. While the Catholic church has its own mechanism through which such behavior is supposedly handled (though there are plenty of questions there, jackasses such as Adkins have no oversight, no one to whom they are accountable. This is unacceptable. PASTORS MUST BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS! We cannot allow more children to be placed at risk.

Male Domination

Offender (this time): France. France’s prohibition against women wearing the burkini on public beaches is an example of how social media can actually do some good. After more than a week of pressure, France’s Supreme Court overturned the anti-burkini laws that were in place. The problem is that the attitude behind those laws hasn’t changed. In fact, Nicolas Sarkozy announced his bid for President yesterday by insisting on a national ban on the garment.

While the attitude of male domination is unacceptable in of itself, the whole thing about men trying to tell women what to wear, and then turning around and shaming them, has gotten out of hand. We’ve been putting up with this nonsense far too long and it’s time that men, again, were called out on their behavior. I’ll be honest, women have been saying something for a long time. What we need are more men standing up and calling each other out in this shit. I find this behavior offensive and any man who has an ounce of respect for women should not tolerate it.

Editorial cartoonist Anna Telnaes of the Washington Post has been all over this issue for a while and no one has been paying attention. Yesterday, the Post published several of her cartoons on the subject to Twitter. Here are a couple that really define the problem:

Men: Stop telling women what to wear https://t.co/eHdQ7kPq4y #BurkiniBan pic.twitter.com/zG5l6wrbW5

— Ann Telnaes (@AnnTelnaes) August 25, 2016

(8/8) Cartoons from the archives #letwomenwearwhattheywant #WomensEqualityDay https://t.co/dy5voIinKa pic.twitter.com/22v8f5shDq

— Ann Telnaes (@AnnTelnaes) August 26, 2016

Women have been saying something for over 100 years. It’s time men not only started listening but started changing.

A Preference For War

Offenders: the United States and Russia. Let’s be honest: the two super-powers started the mess in the Middle East by interfering with their politics back in the 1950s. They have done a good job of keeping that region in turmoil ever since. This week, they had a chance to stop the nonsense. They didn’t. That is unacceptable. After all this time, leaders of both countries are afraid to do anything that might put the other in a positive light. The US belittles Russia. Russia degrades the US. They could end the violence in Syria. They could keep refugees from having to flee. But they’re not. Instead, we get quotes like this one from US Secretary of State John Kerry:

“We don’t want to have a deal for the sake of the deal. We want to have something done that is effective and that works for the people of Syria, that makes the region more stable and secure, and that brings us to the table here in Geneva to find a political solution.”

Anyone else want to call horseshit on this? They’re not interested in lives. They’re not interested in war. Instead, both countries are trying to make themselves look good to their allies. There is absolutely no concern for humanity in anything either leader has said. This is unacceptable and we need to make a LOT of noise to get the nonsense to stop.

Using Children For Terror

Offender: Daesh. First, they sent a child to a wedding with a bomb strapped to his chest. 50 were killed, mostly other children. This week, the band of idiots released a video showing children executing hostages. No, I’m not linking to the video. No one should. This nonsense is unacceptable at the very highest order. As unacceptable as terrorism is on any level, using children to commit their despicable acts is beyond inexcusable.

Here’s the thing: bombing Daesh back to the stone age, as some of our own right-wing radicals have suggested, doesn’t solve the problem. If we want to stop Daesh, we have to stop giving people a reason to want to join them. We have to stop marginalizing Muslims both here and around the world. Daesh is already using the rhetoric of the Republican presidential candidate in their recruiting efforts. They see the world as us against them, that we are trying to eliminate their culture and replace it with ours. They look at our 60+ years of constant interference in the region as an imperialistic power grab.

As much as we abhor their tactics, we cannot fire with fire in this instance. At least, not yet. When we bring Muslims into the Western mainstream with acceptance and inclusion, we take away Daesh’s power. When we support real Muslims, not the wannabes who strap bombs to children, we give them strength to stand up and fight against those who usurp their religion. There are enough moderate, peace-loving Muslims in the Middle East to drive out radical terrorism completely. We must support them, not just with weapons, but by welcoming to participate in the world alongside us. Until we do, more unacceptable acts will happen.

Speak Up

I’ve had my turn at yelling and screaming. Now it’s your turn. We’ve seen that mass public pressure can have a positive effect on world events. You have to say something. Share this article. Tweet your displeasure. Make your voice heard. Your options are many. Find a way.

Art / Fashion / Nature / Photography / PotD

Celebrating World Photo Day 2016

August 19, 2016

charles i. letbetter - world photo day 2016

There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo. —Erma Bombeck

Today we celebrate the joy of taking a photo, of preserving a memory, of telling a story

Welcome to World Photo Day 2016! This is a day in which we’re going to play along nicely and pretend that the organization behind this day isn’t just trying to sell their book. We like this day because it celebrates something we feel rather passionate about: photography! I mean, who doesn’t like it when someone captures a good photo of you? Granted, for some people that is excessively more difficult than for others. I will also admit that there are times, even when the photography is good, we don’t especially like how we look. I mean, that whole passport photo quote above is way too accurate.

Still, we like to celebrate World Photo Day. Mind you, we don’t celebrate because this was the day photography was invented. The date was determined based on the Daguerreotype, which showed up in 1837. Even that wasn’t really the first photo process. The first fixed-image process was the Heliotype in 1826. What this date actually celebrates, though, is your access to photography. The French government purchased the rights to the Daguerreotype on this date in 1839 and made them open to the public. This allowed for further development of the camera so that you can take selfies with your phone.

Photography has come a long way since 1839. Photography will go a lot farther. This has never been a static industry. Change is constant as someone is continually trying to find a way to take a better, more real photo. Every time someone snaps a shutter, they capture both a moment in time and a moment in photographic history.

The Joy Of A Photo

I’ve taken hundreds of thousands of photographs over the years. From the first time until today, I still get excited when I look at the finished product and find that I have captured something special. Of course, there are times when I’m the only one who thinks a particular image is special, but many of them hold a lot of meaning.

Your pictures are the same way. Sometimes the pictures we hold most dear are those that are not technically stellar. It’s that picture of someone special, or that moment that gave you an incredible feeling, or the last time you saw the person who gave you life. Photographs tell our life’s story. They mark the moments of highs and lows. They remind us that we’re human.

So, we’ve chosen a group of photos for today that spans a range of events and emotions worth remembering for different reasons. Some pictures were chosen not because of the photo itself but because of the people involved behind the scenes. Danelle French did make up for some really great make-up on several. Some are special because of where they were taken. And several are of Kat. That’s a good excuse on its own.

We’ll take more pictures. It’s not always convenient or easy, but we keep going. Some we share. Many we don’t. What follows is a mix of both. And if you want us to take your photos, just ask!

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Editorial / pop culture / PotD

Humility Is Good For Your Brain

August 14, 2016

Do you wish to rise? Begin by descending. You plan a tower that will pierce the clouds? Lay first the foundation of humility. —Saint Augustine

charles i. letbetter - humility is good for your brain

Humility may be counter-intuitive but is a critical part of learning

I’ve been taking pictures longer than a third of the US population has been alive. Yet, there are still aspects of photography with which I struggle. I have three adult sons about whom I generally feel positive. Knowing how to respond correctly to Kat’s little ones, though, often leaves me frustrated and confused. I like to think I am generally a smart guy, but I start reading through the journal articles to which I subscribe and it only takes a few minutes before I feel as dumb as a box of rocks. Humility reaches out and slaps me in the face on a daily basis.

We live in what has the potential to be a gilded age of knowledge. For the first time in the history of humanity, there is almost universal access to information and the combined knowledge of experts in almost every field. Yet, we’ve yet to experience anything close to a renaissance of intellectual reasoning or academic understanding. Why? How are we missing out on what should be one of the most fantastic periods of advancement in the history of the world?

The answer to that question is simple but painful to accept: We lack any sense of academic humility. We are so confident that we already know everything we need to know that we close our minds to even looking for more knowledge and information. We let Internet memes inform our opinions. Our social media feeds become our sole source of knowledge. If a topic isn’t trending we don’t know that it exists and, even worse, we don’t care.

Why We Need Humility

From the outset, we are plagued with the misguided notion that equates humility with weakness. Popular social themes have instructed us to “fake it ’til you make it.” Pseudo-psychologists appearing on talk shows have us convinced that we need to exude self-confidence even to the point of covering up the fact that we don’t know something. Employment “experts” tell us that it is just fine to walk into a job interview and pretend to know something we don’t in order to land a job. After all, you can always look it up on the Internet later, right?

All that advice you’ve been listening to is wrong. Every last damn bit of it. Throw it all away. Push it from your mind. Do you want strength? Start with a little humility and admit that you don’t actually know nearly as much as you want people to think you know. We are all so fallible that when we are correct it comes as a surprise.

Jacob Burk, writing for aeon, lays out a strong argument that the ineffective way we obtain information has given us an over-confidence in what we think we understand. He cites recent research, which I strongly suggest you read but know you won’t, showing the “illusion of wisdom” that comes from our sloppy learning methods. As a result of that illusion, we stop looking for answers even when they’re right at our fingertips, such as the two links I’ve provided in this paragraph. I’ve expressed that frustration before and it that lack of humility that prevents you from learning. Even now, you’re likely arguing in your mind that you know enough.

Benefiting From Humility

Compare and contrast time. Confidence breed bullies. Humility breeds negotiators and problem solvers. Confidence says, “I have the best ideas and you need to just shut up and follow me.” Humility says, “Let’s work together and find a solution that respects everyone.” Confidence says, “I am a great leader. Do what I say and everything will be okay.” Humility says, “We do better when we work together, no matter who we are.”

Consider the words of Michele Obama from a speech made at the 2012 Democratic Convention:

We learned about gratitude and humility – that so many people had a hand in our success, from the teachers who inspired us to the janitors who kept our school clean… and we were taught to value everyone’s contribution and treat everyone with respect.

Such is the strength and power of humility. Those who are humble, especially on an academic level, don’t feel as though they have to come up with a solution to every problem on their own. People who are humble are team players. They look for the strength in others and humble leaders bring together those strengths and find solutions through the power of combined effort. Humility is, in essence, at the very heart of democracy. Our nation does not work well under the forceful demands of a tyrant. We believe, and have proven, that we are at our best when everyone contributes their voice and their vote.

Oh Lord, It’s Hard To Be Humble

The Mac Davis song from back in the 1970s is meant to be humorous. The chorus was laughably funny when the novelty song first hit the airwaves. Now, it sounds almost like it might be a campaign theme song.

Oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble
When you’re perfect in every way.
I can’t wait
To look in the mirror.
Cause I get better looking each day.
To know me is to love me.
I must be a hell of a man.
Oh Lord, It’s hard to be humble,
But I’m doing the best that I can.

I still want to smile when I hear that song. Mac’s voice takes me back to a time when I was still riding in the backseat of my father’s car and didn’t think anyone could actually be as egotistical as the guy in the song. I was naive. We are surrounded by people who think they know everything simply because they can Google an answer to a question and make themselves look more intelligent than they actually are. We see them in comments to news articles and in the trolls that proliferate on Twitter.

Such overconfidence is holding us back. Solutions are not found when we refuse to recognise the problem. We need people with humility to successfully negotiate treaties and business agreements. Learning is not something on which we can snack while binge watching Netflix. We need the humility to realize we are letting our brains atrophy. We need real, deep knowledge to lift us out of these antique ideas based in mythologies that are thousands of years too old.

We’re not perfect. The image we think we see in the mirror is an illusion. We’re not doing the best that we can. We all need a strong dose of humility and we need it applied right now.

Photography / PotD / Social Commentary

Learning For Yourself

July 25, 2016

We now accept the fact that learning is a lifelong process of keeping abreast of change. And the most pressing task is to teach people how to learn. —Peter Drucker

Learning as adults comes more often through what we teach ourselves

Back-to-school season is officially here. Local news stations are reminding drivers this morning to watch for the flashing lights of school zones as a staggered start to the fall school season begins this week. Stores are packed with parents shopping for school supplies and uniforms while children are making every attempt to get the most out of their summer.

We’re no different around here, though it is rather complicated. Kat is on the closing end of her studies, planning to graduate in early October. My youngest son decided to do his final year of high school here, so we’re busy getting him transferred before the 10th. The one I’m looking forward to the most, though, is when the little ones start back to school next Monday. Finally, peace and quiet again!

At the same time, however, we need to realize that learning isn’t limited to what happens in and around school. Intelligent people have long known that learning never stops. Even more, it’s what you learn on your own that often makes the most difference in our lives as we grow older. The classroom gives us a foundation for how to learn, but learning is something that we must keep doing if we are to have any hope of understanding what’s going on around us.

Learning Versus Obsolescence

Try this on for size: much of what you were taught is already obsolete.The older you are the truer that statement is. Word definitions change. Science changes. Technology changes. Limits once considered insurmountable are suddenly surpassed and exceeded several times over. Our understanding of history changes. Even the difference between political parties change.

Carlin Flora wrote a wonderful article for Psychology Today on “The Golden Age of Teaching Yourself Anything.” The article emphasizes the degree to which both technology and social construct make self-learning accessible across such a wide spectrum of knowledge that most anyone has the potential to become an expert in anything without ever setting foot in a classroom. Perhaps more importantly, though, is that such self-learning is critical to remaining a productive part of society.

What looked like occupations that would have no end 30 years ago are now, in many cases, either obsolete or else employ such a common level of skill as to have become commodities. Basic computer operation, for example, once required considerable training and an understanding of abstract math. Now, the average 16-year-old can perform tasks that exceed the abilities of a masters-level computer science major from the 1980s. Self-learning isn’t an option, but a necessity.

Beyond The School

James Marcus Bach in his book, Secrets of a Buccaneer-Scholar says:

I happily plunder knowledge wherever I find it. I don’t seek the destruction of schools. I am out to dismantle something else—the popular belief that schooling is the only route to a great education and that the best students are those who passively accept the education their schools offer.”

Schools are wonderful in their ability to give everyone a basic foundation for how to learn. However, they don’t even come close to teaching us everything we need to know. To assume that one graduates from an institution no longer needing to learn is foolish. Learning only increases as life progresses.

Take Dick Drew, for example. In 1925 Drew was a sandpaper salesman for 3M, which was then largely a minerals company. While attempting to sell sandpaper to mechanics at a body shop, he observed the difficulty painters were having with two-toned paint jobs. Skipping over all the fun details, this sandpaper salesman learned about paint, learned about adhesives, and invented masking tape. The world has never been the same.

Learning all we can about as many different areas as we can increases both our critical and creative thinking. The more information we have stored on the left side of our brain, the more creative connections can develop on the right side of our brain. If we are having problems with a creative block, the answer may very well be learning something new.

Breaking Barriers To Learning

Many of us went through school at a time when pedagogical theory focused on different students having a different learning style. One student might be said to be a more visual learner, one who doesn’t pick up information from reading, but does from seeing a task done. Others were said to be tactile learners: they gained information by completing a task themselves. Guess what: the whole theory might have been wrong.

Flora’s article looks at the “rigorous analysis” by Christian Jarrett, a cognitive scientist and the creator of the British Psychological Society’s Research Digest blog. Jarrett doesn’t seem to believe in learning styles. He says:

Although each of us is unique, usually the most effective way for us to learn is based not on our individual preferences but on the nature of the material we’re being taught.

The example Flora uses is this: “Novices learn better from examples; more expert learners benefit from solving problems. And combining activities, such as drawing a diagram of a cell after reading about it, improves learning for just about everyone.”

Taking Jarrett’s theory to an applicable end means that anyone can learn anything. The potential is not limited to a learning style that might make resources unavailable. If you want to learn something, do so.

Conquering The Fear Of Learning

If learning is so accessible, then why aren’t more of us taking advantage of that opportunity? We’re scared. We’re insecure. We don’t want to fail … again. When we are not confident in ourselves then we are less likely to explore. We shelve our curiosity in favor of sticking with what we know.

New and developing technology may be the most frequent example for people of my generation and older. We’re comfortable enough with the technologies that were developed when we were younger. But now that technology is largely obsolete. We hear people talking about the Internet of Things and not only do we not understand what that is, we are, as a group, generally afraid to find out. We don’t like feelings of stupidity, ignorance, or inadequacy. These new technologies raise those emotions so we avoid learning to dodge the emotion.

One factor that may contribute to our shyness is our experience in competitive environments. When we’ve been made to feel that we are not smart enough, that our ideas aren’t quite good enough, that we’re not “winners,” we feel inadequate. We don’t trust our ability to learn enough to contribute to any substantial change.

What we must realize is that how smart you are doesn’t matter nearly as much as being open to learning more from whatever source might deliver it. Having an attitude that you can learn, that you want to learn, allows one to learn in greater quantity, sometimes without being consciously aware that learning is taking place.

Redefining Success

Curiosity drives our growth and spurs our interests into different fields of learning. The final challenge is realizing that we don’t have to know it all. Success isn’t determined by the amount of knowledge we accumulate, but by how we utilize the information we have. The student of physics doesn’t have to run a particle accelerator to relate theories of attraction and velocity to more esoteric applications.

We all have the ability to learn. Learning helps keep our brains active and may (not making any promises here) help ward off early onset dementia and Alzheimer’s. Success lies in the fact that we know more at the end of today than we did at the beginning.

With so much information at our fingertips, learning has never been so accessible to so many. Whether you can create the structure necessary for self-learning or if you need the guidance of a teacher, the door is wide open. Explore. Discover. Be amazed.

Personal / PotD / Social Commentary

Games People Play

July 10, 2016

We learn games as children that we never give up; games of pretend, games of manipulation and games that allow us hide. We never stop playing those games.

We play many games but seldom do we win

Even the day weekends go by too quickly. Here we are already at Sunday. I am not overly anxious to leave our campsite other than for the fact I’m beginning to develop an appetite for something other than hot dogs and granola bars. Monday long dark on the horizon. Kat is back at school. We have fence posts to set. Things to do.

Are you old enough to remember the song Games People Play? Joe South recorded the song in 1968. Being a mere child, I thought the song was talking about the sort of games eight -year-old knows, like tag and hide-and-seek. I thought the song was about fun.

Silly child. Sure, we still the same games, we just call them different names. For example, adult tag involves shifting the blame or responsibility to someone else so you don’t get into trouble. We play hide-and-seek by dodging what’s difficult until there’s no place left to hide.

I can’t say there are no shenanigans out in the woods. I’ve seen them. But, at least out here, moments of frivolity are more about building the best campfire or snagging the best spot. Rarely does anyone here get hurt.

I’m not looking forward you returning civilization. I don’t like being forced into situations where I have no hope of winning. You can have the politics and the lies and the flies. Keep the rodent traces you yourself.

Life doesn’t work that way, though. We’ll see you tomorrow with something closer to normal. Maybe e can bring a bit of peace back with us. We just have to avoid the games.

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Given the results of yesterday’s presidential and congressional elections, there are several apologies we, as a country, need to make.

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Let us put our minds together and see what life we can make for our children. —Sitting Bull

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I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don’t worry it’s not the end of the world. —Jay London

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