What good does it do to run from here to there as though life were nothing more than a race to see who dies first, or dies best? One may travel the world and still see nothing. Music may surround you and still you hear no tune. Days at the gym without any strength, weeks full of books without gaining any knowledge, years full of life with all motion and no substance, yet all we want is more of the nothing we already have.
Heated seats as we watch a movie, food delivered to my chair, immersed in sound that’s overwhelming, what is the story we’re seeing there? The lines between good and evil are blurred, titles mean nothing, those in power remain abusive, and trust is betrayed without remorse. ‘Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain,’ even if he can dance.
Twenty-five days of “What will you give me?” Those who have everything still demand more. There is no love in financial peril. All that is accumulated amounts to dust. No one needs boxes of brightly-colored paper when sitting alone in a quiet room. Give me your time, your presence, your conversation, and the sound of your voice. Please give me your nakedness, the touch of your hands, the embrace of your arms, and the kiss of your lips. Nothing that can be packaged in a box is as valuable as your presence.
Perhaps you grow tired of me sitting and staring. I don’t always remember the stories I once told. I struggle to find words to speak from all the noise in my head. I read something, once, but its wisdom eludes me. How convenient it would be if I could just blame the cold.
Saturday is here for sports and casual matters free our minds from the drudgery of existence. Wilfully inflicted pain of a few becomes the pleasure embraced by many. Score six points for the distraction and add an extra one for the entertainment. We too eagerly await the stretcher that removes the bodies of the fallen.
We invest in the romance of others when there is no feeling in the lives we own. If the matters of your heart were made public fodder, would the content spur jealousy among others? Perhaps some might respond in horror, and many would misunderstand and misinterpret your intentions. Perhaps the screen is best left blank.
Still, the cat watches out the window at birds it cannot reach.
Friday Morning Update: 12/06/24
Who deserves forgiveness? Who deserves protection? Why is Leonard Peltier still not on the list of those who may be pardoned? Your screams have been heard. Changes were made. Yet, are you any safer than you were at this time yesterday? What is the true benefit of being angry? If anger is the only thing that motivates us, do we genuinely care about the status of life or only the things that threaten us directly? If our motivations are not pure, then our actions are immoral. Still, we continue.
Vic saw the doctor yesterday and the patch was removed from his eye, leaving a shiner that might give some the impression that his long-suffering wife, Martha, clocked him. I told him it reminded me of the old Tareyton cigarette slogan: “I’d rather fight than switch.” You’ll need to be really old to understand why that’s funny. He’s still face-down until Sunday morning, too uncomfortable to sleep.
Oceans rise. Empires fall. Women struggle through it all. Children die—anger flares. Fear of chaos is everywhere. Do we care? I’m not sure we have the capacity. Who is not overwhelmed when considering the ills the world faces? There are limits in our willingness to fight for someone else’s life. Our own troubles are more than enough.
My bills exceed my income. To whom do I complain? I struggle with the morality of whether to ask for help. That doesn’t stop me from typing, Venmo: @C_I_Letbetter, CashApp: $ciletbetter. G brought me a form this morning to help with Xmas presents for the kids. They’ll be the boxes under the tree we don’t have. Cats and indoor trees don’t mix well. The dogs would be confused.
Perhaps, sometimes, it is better to do without. Are we eating too much chicken? Are we eating too much of everything? We are still the most obese nation in the world. We have difficulty saying ‘no’ to the grumble in our stomachs. A re-evaluation of what we spend on groceries may be appropriate.
As thousands travel to Indy this weekend, our patience will almost certainly be tested. Roads closed. Dining places are full. In return, money is spent, jobs are created. Is the tradeoff worth the trouble? Ask the one whose job depends on the crowd.
My head hurts. My eyes blur. There’s garbage to take out. I need more coffee.
I still love you. I still care.
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