Moms are human, too
Moms are great. Moms are a fountain of knowledge. We get a lot of our basic information about life and the world around us from our parents. We trust what they say and are woefully disappointed on the rare occasion they happened to be wrong.
Our parents do their best to equip us with everything we need to be responsible and functional adults. However, they know so much about life that they sometimes forget to fill us in some of the finer points. Sure, they make sure we understand the big stuff, but the itty bitty details sometimes are lost. Don’t blame them, it’s not their fault. There’s a lot to know and its not like anyone gives them a checklist.
So, in the interest of helping out everyone’s parents just a little bit, here are a few things that might have escaped their attention before you went out on your own.
That isn’t chicken in that nugget
Desperate parents do desperate things and sooner or later we’re all desperate parents. So, don’t judge that frazzled looking mom sitting in the drive-thru or picking up that blue box that claims to have cheese in with the tiny little macaroni pieces. Processed food exists for one reason only: to make the lives of parents easier. So no, there is no real chicken in the nuggets or cheese in the mac and that’s not really anything resembling meat on that frozen pizza. That’s okay, though. You survived. Your kids will survive, too. Just try to give them a home cooked meal every once in a while.
No one notices your underwear when you’re in an accident
It’s a necessary lie parents tell us when we’re little to make sure we’re actually wearing clean underwear. If you’ve had children, you understand the problem and have probably repeated the lie. The fact is, however, if you’re in an accident that is serious enough for someone to see your underpants, then underpants are the last thing anyone is worried about. I mean, you’ve lost your pants for any number of horrible reasons, you’re probably bleeding profusely, and you could possibly die. No one cares about your damn underwear. If you’re just going to the doctor for a checkup, though, then yeah, by all means, wear something clean or buy something new.
You don’t have to be nice to everyone
Parents do their best to raise friendly, well-adjusted people. Despite their best efforts, though, not everyone in the world is nice. When we encounter people who are not nice, we are not obligated to be nice back. Sure, we want to try a few times, give them the benefit of the doubt. But when someone is consistently an asshole you do not have to be nice. In fact, it is probably better for everyone if you are not nice. One of the primary reasons assholes continue being assholes is because people keep trying to be nice and they take advantage of that. You don’t have to put up with bullshit.
Beware of friends who never read
A little bit of fine tuning: there’s a difference between people who can’t read and people who don’t read. If you have a friend you can’t read, then they need help with that issue more than anything. If you have a friend who is perfectly capable of reading, though, and they don’t, then you have a problem. People who don’t read are ignorant. Their reasoning skills are underdeveloped and their logic is flawed. Even reading fiction improves one’s mental abilities and acumen. Reading not only broadens our mind, but it spurs our imagination so that we are able to expand beyond what is our direct realm of experience. You don’t need friends who are ignorant. They are dangerous. Be careful.
If it costs more than you make in a week, buy the extended warranty
It’s always that question lingering in the back of your mind anytime you’re making a major purchase: do you buy the extended warranty? The old saw is that if you buy the extended warranty you’ll never need it, but if you don’t buy it you’ll wish you had. So, what do you do? The solution is a matter of finances because the ultimate question is whether you can afford to easily replace whatever it is you’re buying. If you’re making a purchase for which you had to save and save, then by all means, buy the damn warranty. If something happens, you’re screwed. You can’t afford to get it fixed or buy a new one. If you’re making a purchase that represents pocket change, however, then maybe it’s not so important. The general rule is that if it costs more than you make it a week, buy the extended warranty. Better safe than sorry.
A good pet is worth the trouble
Some people grow up with pets and learn the responsibility of caring for one. Some don’t. Some go their lives without pets. Some have pets thrust upon thanks to a spouse or lover. Pets can be a lot of work and some of them can be an incredible amount of trouble. They poop where you don’t want them to poop. They eat things you don’t want them to eat. They knock things off tables and shelves and annoy the hell out of guests, especially if one of those guests starts nuzzling up close. Guess what: they’re worth every second of trouble they cause. Sometimes, all we remember are the number of times a parent cursed at or about an animal. What we don’t see are the moments when a pet was curled up in that same parent’s lap. They give soooo much love in little ways that, as children, we never see. Take a chance and feel the love.
It’s okay to be happy when mean people die
Our parents tell us to respect the dead, that people dying is not a good thing. We’re generally taught that we should not rejoice over the death of people we don’t like. Bullshit. As I’m writing this, officials in California are pretty much waiting for convicted murderer Charles Manson to die. When he does, there will be a lot of people who are happy. Not only are nine people dead because of Manson and his “family,” he left behind a wave of influence that was violent and frightening. Him being dead is a good thing that, quite honestly, should have happened a long time ago. Mean people such as Charles Manson don’t deserve our respect. He’s not dead yet, but when he goes feel free to throw a party.
It’s okay to pee in the shower
I know, I know, that flies in the face of everything your mom told you when you were growing up. You know why she told you that? Because it took for freakin’ ever to get you to go in the toilet in the first place. She’s damn sure not going to risk ruining that habit by telling you it’s okay to pee in the shower. Now that you’re an adult, though, you should know that not only is it okay, some people claim it’s actually healthier than peeing in the toilet. It’s cleaner, it’s more hygienic, and it even saves water to boot. There is a limit, though. Only do this when you’re showering alone. Not everyone thinks peeing in the shower is cool and if you’re in there with someone you like a lot you are probably putting that relationship in danger if you pee in front of them. When you’re alone, though, by all means, go for it.
Sex sometimes hurts
Granted, if your parents were anything like mine, sex wasn’t a topic that came up very often. They got through the birds and the bees thing with a certain amount of anxiety. The last thing most of our parents wanted to do, though, was provide any details about sex. They tell you it feels go and can be a lot of fun, but that’s about as detailed as they want to get. The problem is that sex doesn’t always feel good and it isn’t always fun. There are dozens of reasons why sex can hurt, most of which are not life-threatening or even controllable. Not every body provides enough natural lubrication. Stress can cause normal sexual activity to feel painful. It’s not your fault and most the time there are things you can do to change the situation. It happens, though, so be ready for it. Don’t run screaming to the Dr. just because you got into a tight (literally) situation you weren’t expecting.
Cursing is sometimes a very effective form of communication
“That’s an adult word. Don’t say it.” Did your parents ever tell you that? Did your mom ever wash out your mouth with soap? Most parents are very concerned with the language we use growing up. They want us to be respectable adults, not someone people shy away from because they can’t complete a sentence without an expletive or four. For the most part, your parents are right: don’t say those words. They’re rude and often demonstrate a lack of civility and reasoning. However, there are times when cursing is totally acceptable. If you smash a digit with a hammer or in a car door, for example, know one is going to fault you for letting a few fucks fly out of your mouth. If you need to dramatically emphasize to someone just how fucking serious or angry you are, an expletive here and there helps make your point. Most the time, yes, you want to be polite and use words that are not offensive. But every once in a while … go for it.
That’s our short list. We actually have several more things like this in my book, Now That You’re 18 … which you can buy by clicking on that link. If you live close, I’ll even autograph it for you. There are a lot of things parents either don’t have time or don’t think of telling us. It’s okay. We’ll make the same mistakes and probably add to the list. We’re human. Go with it.
5 Things You Should Know: 01.06.2017
04:43:54 01/06/2017
https://youtu.be/VxeqSkiDQ9c
‘Tis a cold wind that blows
Brrrrr! If you feel a draft this morning, you might be in the central Midwest where temps are in the single digits and wind blowing across the snow puts wind chills well below zero. At these temperatures, frostbite is a serious possibility, especially if you have children standing outside waiting on a school bus. Be sure to dress everyone in multiple layers of loose clothing to prevent any danger there. Meanwhile, the South is gearing up for a major winter storm barreling down at them from the Rockies. This could be a rough weekend.
I could have ten things you should know this morning and still not cover everything that is newsworthy. Vice President Joe Biden told the president-elect to grow up yesterday1. It would be funny to watch to old men fight if they weren’t supposed to be leading the freakin’ country. Trump now says American taxpayers will fund that wall with Mexico2. And Hustler is suing the city of Indianapolis3, but we don’t have time for any of that. What we have are five other things we think you should know.
A severe lack of intelligence
President-elect Donald Trump is supposed to receive his national security briefing this morning, one that President Obama saw several days ago. We can only guess how the president-elect might receive the news, but it isn’t going to be pretty as national intelligence director James Clapper and other national security advisors double-down on the evidence that Russia not only was involved in hacking during the election, but engaged in other activities aimed at altering the outcome4.
Don’t expect that news to set too well with the president-elect, who has chosen to listen to Wikileaks’ founder Julian Assange rather than the people with actual evidence of the hacking and other activities conducted under the authority of the Russian government. During a hearing yesterday before the Senate Armed Services committee, support for the US intelligence community was strongly bipartisan, setting up a rift between Congress and the president-elect that could affect a number of decisions in the immediate future.
At the same time, former CIA director James Woosely has resigned5 from the president-elect’s transition team and former Indiana Senator Dan Coates, whom the New York Times describes as “the Mister Rogers Senator,” has been named as the person likely to replace Director Clapper later this month6. Put everything together and what we have is a picture of an incoming administration that is long on talk and short on actual intelligence. Definitely not a good way to start.
A most deplorable hate crime
If you were paying attention yesterday at the start of our article, we mentioned the arrest of four people in Chicago who live streamed a brutal kidnapping. At the point we were writing things yesterday, details were still sketchy. What we now know is that four people used Facebook Live to stream their torture and abuse of a mentally challenged man, who was tied up, hit, and cut with a knife by several assailants in what is being described as one of the most brutal scenes ever broadcast7.
All four people have been arrested and charged with committing a hate crime, aggravated kidnapping, aggravated unlawful restraint, and aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, burglary, robbery and possession of a stolen motor vehicle. Chicago police superintendent Eddie Johnson told reporters that, “There was never a question whether or not this incident qualified to be investigated as a hate crime … The actions in that video are reprehensible.”
One of the challenges this crime presents is exactly what, if anything, Facebook could have done to prevent the live stream from being broadcast. While the crime itself was bad enough, having the unmitigated gall to stream such an act is beyond deplorable. Fears are that the ease of streaming events is such that other ego-driven criminals might commit even worse acts for everyone to see. Unless Facebook and other streaming providers can get a lock on this issue, they could be facing civil suits for providing the platform.
A continued assault on women and gender
As if women’s and transgender rights hadn’t come under enough fire in 2016, 2017 is shaping up to be an even larger battle. There’s more here than I have time to discuss so please click the numbered links to check our references. For starters, a federal district judge ruled the doctors may turn away women who have had abortions and transgender patients based on the doctor’s religious freedom rights8. How is this even possible? Thank that idiotic Burwell v. Hobby Lobby ruling in 2014 that sets such a precedent.
At the same time Texas Republicans, apparently unable to learn from the experience of North Carolina, have introduced a bill that requires people to use the restroom and locker room defined by the gender on their birth certificate and bans cities from passing ordinances contrary to that law9. Now, sports is a really big money maker in the Lone Star state and we don’t want to even get started on all the music festivals and events such as SXSW that occur in Austin. Threats of boycotts are already being voiced. North Carolina has lost millions in revenue. Are Texans any smarter?
Then, to top it all off, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan once again has vowed to strip Planned Parenthood of all federal funding as the new Republican-dominated Congress attempts to re-write healthcare laws10. This is not a new fight and Republicans tried repeatedly last year to do the same thing. The challenge facing them this year is that any attempt to defund the non-profit that provides healthcare for millions of women might result in the entire re-write of the Affordable Care Act being scuttled. Speaker Ryan best watch his step.
Significant change for the military
It is no secret that thousands of Sikh and Muslim recruits have been turned away from serving in the US military because of the strict rules regarding uniform appearance. That, however, is changing. Army Secretary Eric Fanning signed a memorandum that would allow Sikh and Muslim recruits to dress and groom themselves in a manner appropriate to their religious beliefs11. The new rules not only affect men serving in the Army, but also allow for women to wear hijabs provided they are free of any religious markings or decorations.
To be able to take advantage of the new ruling, those currently serving in the Army would need to apply for a religious accommodation. Once approved, the accommodation would follow them throughout their career and would not be allowed to influence job duties or duty locations except in specific highly-sensitive circumstances. The women’s hair code was also modified in the memorandum to allow for braids, cornrows, twists or locks.
What effect this might have on the Army rank and file remains to be seen. One of the issues drilled into recruits during basic training is that they are no longer an individual but part of a group and that they must put the needs and safety of the group ahead of their own. Having different grooming and appearance rules for some that do not apply to others would seem to be a visual violation of that general rule. Still, religious liberty advocates are excited about the change and the opportunity it provides.
And finally …
New parents have been warned for the past 30 years that they need to be careful when introducing their child to potential allergens such as peanuts. Conventional wisdom has been to wait until a child is at least two years old before introducing them to peanuts. All that changed yesterday, however, when the National Institutes of Health issued a new ruling stating that introducing those foods as early as six months could help prevent those very allergies12.
Ground-breaking research has found that early exposure to such foods is much more likely to help infants rather than hurt them as has been previously thought. This is an extremely serious matter as peanut allergies specifically is a growing problem affecting roughly two percent of children born in the United States. Pediatricians are now advising that if a family member has an existing peanut allergy then that is all the more reason to start feeding them to the infant early.
No, this does not mean you can just toss a bag of peanuts at your little one for a snack. Common sense is appropriate here. Smooth peanut butter is likely to be the best form of introduction, and that should be mixed with things such as oatmeal. The guidelines also recommend that the child have experience with other solid foods before introducing those with peanuts. As always, if you have any questions or concerns, consult your family pediatrician.
Once again, we are out of time for today. Since we’ve started writing this morning, breaking news says that Russia is pulling its military out of Syria, so we’ll be watching that along with a number of other things. The latest wage report is due today as well, so we’ll be looking at that. In the mean time, bundle up, stay safe, and join us tomorrow. It’s Friday. Enjoy.
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