Intolerance is itself a form of violence and an obstacle to the growth of a true democratic spirit. —Mahatma Gandhi
What does it feel like to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered? For those of us who don’t identify with any of those sexualities, understanding what their life is like and the obstacle course they face can be challenging. To the point we have difficulty empathizing as both individuals and as a society, the less likely we are to be understanding and tolerant of those whose identity is different from our own. The ad below is trying to help us fill that gap.
The ad, which might be more appropriately considered as a short film, was created by TWBA/Paris for Inter-LGBT, a French non-profit focused on support and advocacy for the LGBT community. With the approaching Pride marches across France in June, the organization “wanted to convey a strong message and remember that human rights are not negotiable and we will continue to advance for it.” The film does an excellent job of conveying their message without using many words. Yet, for some, especially those who live in more conservative environments where they may be the only person nearby who identifies as they do, this film may be a bit too real. You may have already experienced this nightmare. This obstacle course is a part of your life.
The film puts the viewer behind the eyes of a marginalized person. The scene starts at school with the bullying and taunting, then moves to exclusion at parties, the butt of jokes, on the ground surrounded by bullies, a father’s rejection, a mother’s tears, and all the closed doors. I know many who have been through these exact situations, and some who are still there. For too many people, this nightmare is their daily reality, and it hurts at a depth the rest of us rarely try to understand.
At the end, the film concludes by stating, “Until society progresses, we will keep moving forward.” In the meantime, though, the obstacle course is still there. If anything, life throws a new obstacle or two at marginalized people on a daily basis.
On its website, Inter-LGBT expresses the struggle in this way:
We argue because we refuse that fear wins.
We argue because we have decided to live at any cost.
We move forward because we think that love is stronger than hate.
We argue because we have faith in society’s ability to reinvent itself.
We move forward because that is how we change society, by showing the way.
We argue because we know we are not alone.
Recent political actions in both Georgia and North Carolina remind us of how the struggle is so very real everywhere you look. We cannot simply look at this as an LGBT issue and leave them alone to fight against the obstacle of oppression, the obstacle of cruelty, and the obstacle of dehumanization on their own. We all must take up this cause and commit to the elimination of each and every obstacle that unfairly blocks all marginalized people.
Take a look at the film. Understand the nightmare of the obstacle course for yourself.
Say Something Nice
I don’t enjoy any kind of danger or volatility. I don’t have that kind of ‘I love the bad guys’ thing. No, no thank you. I like nice people.—Tina Fey
We have become a mean, vicious, and cruel race of people because there is no one to stop us
Finding nice things to say can sometimes be very difficult. Yesterday, for example, one presidential candidate said he wanted to punch a protester. News the past few days has been littered with claims of one person disparaging another, someone shooting someone else because they said the wrong thing, and people who are supposed to be leaders outright lying about facts that are easily checked.
Social media is even worse. Descriptors such as, “idiot,” “slut,” and “jackass” are commonplace as people respond to topics with which they disagree. Do the people speaking actually know the ones they’re insulting? No, of course not. One thing social media is very good at doing is encouraging us to participate in discussions about which we know very little. In fact, the success of apps such as Twitter and Reddit depend on us not being able to keep our mouths shut when silence would certainly be the better tact.
Fashion isn’t any better. I am trying this season to avoid reviewing shows that I dislike. I’m fortunate to have a choice in which shows I cover and I see no point in putting myself, the designer, nor Pattern’s readers through the agony of discussing something I don’t like. Not everyone is so fortunate, however. Between shows, I frequently listen to the panels assembled at SHOWStudio. Participants are tasked with talking about a designer’s collection not only for the duration of the show (which I ignore) but for at least 30 minutes afterward. When a presentation is good, finding something to talk about for that length of time can be excruciatingly difficult. Inevitably, the talk turns negative, and at times even vicious.
We have become a society of mean speakers. The ancient advice of, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all,” is lost on us. Instead, we embrace what we consider the “right” to say anything we want, anytime, anywhere, and we think we should be able to do so without any consequence. Should anyone challenge our comments in the slightest, we fire back with some claim of “free speech.” Never mind that what we say may be hurting someone else. We don’t care. We have a right to open our mouths and let filth and disgust spill from them, so that is exactly what we do.
Body shaming has become a global pastime and photographers and photo editors are among the worst, not only in how we talk about models, but how we rate photographs based on the physical qualities of the model. I can shoot two different models in the same location and the same time of day wearing the same garment and exactly the same settings, but the photo of the thinner model is inevitably rated higher than that of the more curvy model, even when both are smaller than a size 6. One of the reasons I rarely participate in photographer’s forums online is because there are too many who have absolutely nothing civil to say about anyone.
Even church isn’t safe. When the Pope and a politician exchange insults, what kind of example does that set? Pulpits have become dispensaries of hate and aggression rather than sanctuaries of peace and love.
As a result, we are becoming increasingly violent and intolerant of one another. The recent murder spree by an Uber driver in Michigan wasn’t a random act so much as it was the physical manifestation of anger and resentment building up in all of us. This guy wasn’t crazy. He’s every bit like you and me, angry at society and the world. The difference is that he took his actions too far, going beyond words and deciding to use bullets the same way he might otherwise have randomly left mean and inappropriate comments on some website. We shudder at the horror of what he did, but are the rest of us really all that far removed from doing exactly the same thing?
What we say matters. Words do hurt, and the example we set with our words has the ability to destory our entire civilization. We cannot coexist in a situation where we have lot the ability to say anything nice about each other. When our first response is one of sarcasm, belittling, and finding the worst even in other’s good intentions, we pick away at the threads that hold our society together.
I’m guilty. You’re guilty. We have to do better. We have to find more ways to be nice to each other. We’ve been mean and self-centered for so very long, that being nice is going to take considerable effort. Turning around what have become instinctual responses is going to take time. Even more, we need to stop accepting such meanness from others, especially those in positions of authority and those campaigning for those positions. When someone decides to be mean toward another, we need to walk away, withdraw any evidence of support, and go elsewhere.
Being nice isn’t all that difficult. We can be truthful without being mean. We can disagree without being insulting. Our words are killing us. All of us. Say something nice, will you?
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