The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.—Ogden Nash
For the larger part of this year, I assumed I had completely lost this series. The hard drive on which it was originally saved had decided it didn’t want to work with the operating system on the computer. There weren’t a huge number of pictures on there, but there were some that I considered quite lovely, this one among them. Fortunately, after we upgraded systems last month, the drive was magically readable again! Not sure how that happens, but I’m not complaining.
Another thing I lose often is the covers. Someone I know tends to be a cover hog and since one tends to react instinctively when asleep I just let her have them. I am not going to risk upsetting the Marine while she sleeps; somehow, I imagine that ending rather badly for me. When winter hits, beds become the battlefield of relationships and whoever loses either freezes or sleeps on the couch. We don’t want you sleeping on the couch, so that’s why we have today’s list.
8 Reasons To Steal The Bed Covers
You  have to get up first in the morning.
Whoever has to get up first deserves to go to sleep first and have the longer uninterrupted sleep, right? The person on the other side of the bed can have the covers during that extra five or ten minutes they stay in bed each morning. You, on the other hand, have to get up and get busy. You deserve to have the covers during the night.
If someone would snuggle more you wouldn’t need the covers.
Let’s face it: body heat is a wonderful thing to share during the winter. Unfortunately, a lot of people have difficulty snuggling; they keep rolling over to the other side of the bed, leaving you alone and cold. Therefore, you deserve the covers to punish them for not being more intimate during a time in your life when what you really need is an all-night hug.
Without the covers, your cold feet go onto your lover’s back.
Our extremities are what lose heat first, even in bed, and that means one’s feet are going to get cold quickly when deprived of the covers. Cold feet instinctively migrate all on their own toward the nearest heat source, which is typically the cover hog’s backside. If they don’t want to be jolted awake by your cold feet, they need to share the covers.
Covers keep you from becoming ill.
Why should you have the covers? Because you’re a delicate flower who is going to become terribly, horribly, and ferociously ill if you get too cold at night. If you’re sick, then that’s definitely going to ruin all those wonderful winter plans you had, including that visit to the in-laws over the holidays. Does your significant other really want you ill over the holidays? Of course not!
You snore louder when you’re cold.
Not that we’re actually admitting that we snore, because you’ve never heard you snore; but, you’re pretty sure that if you were going to snore it would definitely be worse when you are cold. The louder you snore, the less sleep everyone else gets, including the pets. Ask your significant other if they really want to put up with a grumpy Mr. Snickety Lemons in the morning.
You’re grumpy when you don’t get enough sleep.
You need your eight hours of sleep each night or else you’re going to be an unbearable best the next morning. You take going to bed rather seriously and follow a precise routine to make sure you get the optimum amount of rest possible. When your partner steals the covers, though, that upsets the delicate balance you’ve created and you cannot be held responsible if salt somehow winds up in the coffee the next morning.
There are other blankets in the closet, damn it.
You have a big bed and the covers just barely fit over the whole thing even when there is no one under them. So, it just seems logical that your significant other would just grab their own blanket from the closet and let that solve the problem. Well, unless they grab the 115-year-old quilet that your great-great-grandmother handstiched together with her bare hands. That one’s yours; they’d best leave it alone.
No one’s getting sex as long as you are cold.
Science has proven that it is almost impossible to become sexually arounsed when one’s external temperature is below a point of reasonable comfort. If your partner has any plans for being even the least bit fiesty, they’d better let you have those covers. Otherwise, they can just keep those grabby little paws to themselves.
See, you’re totally justified in demanding the covers every night. Now, you just need to make sure that your lover actually sees this list before you go to bed. Maybe if you share it to their Facebook wall and tag their mother that will work. You know the mom-in-law understands.
Getting By With A Little Help
But what we can do, as flawed as we are, is still see God in other people, and do our best to help them find their own grace. That’s what I strive to do, that’s what I pray to do every day.—Barack Obama
[one_half padding=”4px 10px 0 4px”]The cane sits close to my desk, just in case I need the help. I hate the damn thing. I hate the sight of it, and even more the fact that I should probably use it more than I do. Rain will force me to use it today, I already know. Tomorrow may be another such day as well. With winter beginning to set in, the days when I need the help are going to begin outnumbering the days I don’t. I am somewhat pissed off by the knowledge there are 80-year-old men out running marathons while I can’t get down the hall to the bathroom without assistance.
I never have liked asking for help. Somewhere in my head, for some reason, me asking for help is a sign of weakness. I don’t mind others asking for help when they need it, though I am slightly annoyed when a certain five-year-old asks for help tying her shoes when she’s yet to try for herself. I don’t want to ask anyone for help and I don’t like so often being in a position of needing help that, at times, it feels as though I can’t do anything without some form of assistance. Losing any bit of my independence strikes deep at my soul, leads to depression and questioning my own value in the world. I have quite possibly thrown my cane across the floor in frustration.
Yet, here I am again this morning, needing to lean on something, or someone. I woke up this morning barely able to move. Independence is a myth. I’ve become reliant on Kat and some days when she has to be gone for prolonged periods I often limit my own activities for fear that, should something happen, there’s no one here to help (the cats are absolutely no help at all). When I go for a walk, I have to make sure my phone is well charged in case I should fall, become lost or confused, or need a ride home.
I never expected to have these limitations at this age and it angers me to no end that I can’t keep up with everyone else on the planet. Needing help, even from an inanimate object totally under my control, is emotionally deflating.[/one_half]
[one_half_last padding=”4px 4px 0 10px”]I am one of the lucky ones. Despite my challenges, I have always known that someone has had my back; friends who have made sure I had something to eat, that drove me to doctors appointments, and kept a roof over my head. Not everyone is so fortunate. Nearly four million people in the United States will experience homelessness this year. Of those, almost 60 thousand of those are veterans; 1.3 million are children.  They’re just out there, on their own, struggling to exist.
The second stanza of the poem on the Statue of Liberty in New York Harbor reads:
At this very moment, there are 10,000 Syrian refugees, and more from other war-torn countries, waiting at our shore, looking for help. Yet, because of the cowardly actions of a handful of Daesh morons, there are many of us wanting to hide behind a wall of fear and not let them in. We would rather let them starve or die of hypothermia than accept the risk that comes with being compassionate.
If America has become this country who is afraid too afraid of the shadow of terrorism to keep the refugees of that terrorism alive, then we have lost every last shred of our independence; our fear cripples us just as severely as arthritis in my back and legs. I have a cane on which I can lean, and friends ready to help. The millions homeless and those fleeing terror need help as well. The time has come to step up and be that help.[/one_half_last]
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