relationships

pop culture  /  PotD  /  video
Dating Discrimination
April 16, 2016
charles i. letebtter - dating discrimination

I tried to make up for being short by affecting a strut, by adopting the voice of a much bigger man, by spending more money than I made, by tipping double or triple at bars and restaurants, by dating tall, beautiful women. —Mickey Rooney

 

charles i. letbetter - dating discriminating

There has always been discrimination in dating, but when that discrimination turns to blatant racism we need to examine our motives

I’m not too big on giving dating advice for the simple fact that dating is not something I have to do with any great frequency. Sure, I’ve had enough duds and disappointments to understand the emotions attached, but I don’t have the endless horror stories that I know some people experience, either. My criteria are fairly simple: she has to be smart, attractive enough that I’m not afraid to take her picture, and not likely to crush me if she slips and falls. Kat fills those requirements quite nicely along with several bonus points. I’m happy, thank you.

I never was any good at all the dating apps everyone seems to think are the solution to their relationship problems, though. Over the years, I think I’ve tried them all. Match never sparked anything. eHarmony outright turned me down. Plenty of Fish tended to smell. And Tinder left me totally depressed when no one ever swiped right. Yawn. Over it. I fail to see the attraction.

Apparently I’m an anomaly, though, or maybe I’m just too old. For people Kat’s age and younger, those apps are a significant part of their lives and reading their profiles can be very revealing. Sometimes, perhaps a bit more revealing than they intended. While we expect people to be a bit discriminating in whom they might choose to date, when that discrimination turns to blatant racism then perhaps it’s time we seriously started questioning who we are.

Since I’m not on any dating apps regularly, I didn’t realize there was a problem until the issue popped up on The Daily Show this past week. Host Trevor Noah has not been shy in tackling the topic of racism at all levels of society, which is necessary. Too many people think we have gotten past racism when in fact it is still just as entrenched as ever, we just make more of an effort to hide it. At least, we did until this presidential election cycle in which being racist seems to be a key plank in some candidates’ platform. The Daily Show’s  Jessica Williams and Ronny Chieng applied their usual humor in exploring the topic. Take a look:

While the piece made me chuckle a few times, it also caused me to wonder just how widespread this problem of dating racism actually is. After all, I can see where the larger the sample, such as in New York or LA, the more frequently one might see the problem. Do the same signs show up in the Midwest as well? I knew the answer before I asked the question, but I went ahead and verified my suspicions anyway.

Checking up on racist dating isn’t easy for an aging white guy to do. First, I had to go back to all those apps, re-install them, and then request my passwords. Then, after updating my profiles a bit, with new pictures and such, I started looking at the profiles each app thought I should consider. Sure enough, the second profile I hit started with, “white guys only please.” Going on through, some were even more aggressive. “Asian men can keep their small dicks to themselves,” and, “Don’t talk to me if your whole family isn’t white.” Then, there were those who were outright offensive. I won’t bother repeating them. I spent less than 30 minutes on all the apps combined and found over 20 openly racist profiles.

What this shows is that not only are we more racist than I had realized, we’re also incredibly hypocritical. Ask people what they look for in a good relationship and they’ll almost always come back with the standard altruistic qualifiers such as kindness, intelligent, funny, hard working, good with children, and other such nonsense. Based on the profiles I saw, what women are really looking for is someone rich enough to take them nice places, has a house big enough for all their kids and pets, drives a nice car, is down for some kinky shit in the bedroom, and, oh yeah, had better be the right race.

A couple of things worth noting at this point. Obviously, being a straight male, I didn’t see any of the other guys’ profiles. I doubt I would be surprised, though. I’ve met too many men in the Midwest who wear their racism like a badge of honor. Also, the racist statements weren’t limited to white women. Black women, at least those in my immediate area, make the same statements against Hispanic and Asian men as do white women. Dating racism isn’t just “a white girl thing.”

What hurts is that we know better. There’s not a single one of us who wasn’t taught from the time we were very tiny that who we love isn’t a matter of looks or physical attraction, but a matter of hearts that are passionate for each other. I’ve often told Kat that I dislike the question, “Why do you love me?” Real love, where it dares to exist, has no qualifiers. We don’t love someone because they’re pretty, or tall, or a certain race. When we honestly, earnestly love someone, it is because we choose  to love them. Period. End of statement. Love that must come with qualifications cannot be real for love must be pure or it doesn’t exist at all.

I know dating is difficult for a lot of people and yes, we are going to be naturally discriminating about certain qualities we find attractive. If we are being blatantly racist in our search, though, not only are we cutting ourselves off from really wonderful people, we’re also presenting ourselves as someone who hates. No one wants to date a hater. Someone who appears attractive on the outside and has hate on the inside is not someone most of us want even in our circle of acquaintances. No one needs a hater in their life.

This exercise made me really appreciate not being out in the dating scene. I saw a lot on those apps that was unattractive in so very many ways. I was rather shocked at how people chose to present themselves. Maybe it’s time for everyone to take a step back and consider who and what they really are. Find the hate and get the fuck over it. Not only will you be better for it, I dare say you’ll find the rest of the world more accepting as a result.

Good luck.

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Current Issues  /  PotD
Bound To Indiana
April 10, 2016
charles i. letbetter - bound to Indiana

In Indiana it’s not like New York where everyone’s like, ‘We’re from New York and we’re the best’ or ‘We’re from Texas and we like things big’ it’s more like ‘We’re from Indiana and we’re gonna move.’ —Jim Gaffigan

 

charles i. letbetter - bound to Indiana

Indiana has this way of entangling one to the point that leaving is nearly impossible

Today is my middle son’s 21st birthday. Since he’s in Japan, across the International Date Line, we conversed last night, Sunday morning his time. Somehow, the Marine Corp had let him sleep late and he was starting his day with a Corona that he had stowed away for the occasion. Just hearing that made me proud of him. He’s getting his life off to a better, freer, more honest start than I did.

Today also marks another anniversary, though, one I’m not nearly as proud to admit. I’ve now lived in Indiana, specifically Indianapolis, eleven years, the longest I’ve ever lived in any city. I won’t bore you with the story of how I got here as I’m sure I’ve already told it a sufficient number of times and thoroughly bored everyone who’s heard it. The point simply is that I never intended to make Indiana my home, but it has tied me down so thoroughly that leaving has yet to be an option I could afford to pursue.

I have to be careful here, as it is not my intention to offend everyone in this state. There are, like anywhere, some wonderful individuals that have, at the very least, made my life bearable, sometimes saved it, and sometimes even managed to make me smile. If asked, I could probably cobble together a list of about 30 people I’m not merely happy to have met but would probably, willingly, take with me on a road trip, including the college English teacher who was influential in convincing me to come here, the one gallery curator that doesn’t wince every time I walk through the door, and the Shibari master who not only made today’s pictures possible but managed to keep me alive when my continued existence was questionable.

Of coruse, it goes without saying, or should, that I wouldn’t have met Kat had I not endured living in Indiana all this time. She is the one thing that redeems this massive error in judgment. I jokingly question whether she and I share the same mental deformities that allow her to be as interested in me as I am in her. She actually likes sitting and watching me edit. We share a passion for coffee. She’s creatively expressive but doesn’t like having anyone try to put that creativity in a box or give it a limiting definition. She also dislikes the state of Indiana and wants to move, but then, she was born here, so her wanting to leave is more of a birthright given to every Hoosier.

What disappoints me most about Indiana, though, is how it devalues people, something we see in how the state chooses who governs and how that government is manifested through some of the most ridiculous laws ever imagined. The state of Indiana has prohibited even considering building a light rail system. They refuse to deal responsibly with companies millions of tons of chemicals into their streams and waterways, to the point that its entire water basin is polluted. Their infrastructure is a complete mess and their public education system is one of the worst in the country, despite being home to three of the best universities in the Midwest. I expected better. Everyone who lives here has a right to expect better. By failing to facilitate better transportation, better education, and a sustainable environment, state legislators are telling their constituents that their future does not matter, that their children’s lives are irrelevant, and they don’t give a damn if the bulk of the state lives in poverty.

Even worse, though, is how Indiana marginalizes its citizens. Last year, it was Indiana’s ridiculous Religious Freedom Restoration Act that brought public shame upon the state. This year, it is a ridiculously limiting, and probably unconstitutional, abortion law that is so horrid it has women calling the Governor’s office with details of their menstrual cycle in an effort to emphasize the degree to which the state has imposed itself upon the rights of women. Meanwhile, the state would rather see its people starve than provide food assistance. The state would rather pay corporate charter schools from out of state than invest in their own public school system. Each and every time the Governor and the state legislature makes one of these moves, they are telling people in Indiana that their lives don’t matter.

Once here, though, escaping from Indiana isn’t easy. If you’re a student, your best move might seem to be to go to school out of state. The problem with that is that there are three excellent universities here, IU, Purdue, and Notre Dame, that, depending on what one is studying, are among the best schools in the nation. So, you’re still stuck. Next option: get a good job elsewhere. Good luck with that. Employers have demonstrated a continued reluctance to hire Hoosiers from out of state. Why? Because we are perceived as being backward, overweight, lacking competitive drive, and culturally out of touch. I’m not saying no one from Indiana ever gets out, but being from Indiana means having the odds stacked against you from the very beginning.

Sure, there are other states just as bad, maybe even worse. Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee, Kentucky, and North Carolina immediately come to mind. Indiana isn’t alone in its ability to elect some of the stupidest people on the planet who then enact some of the most ass-backward laws ever conceived. Indiana doesn’t have a corner on stupid.

Living here has gotten more challenging, though. Just this past Friday, a couple of friends had stopped by, along with their darling infant daughter. During our conversation, we noticed a considerable amount of police activity in the neighborhood. When they got ready to leave, they discovered that the neighborhood had been effectively locked down, no one being allowed in or out. They came back here and waited until almost midnight before being allowed to go home. At the same time, Kat and the kids were caught out of the neighborhood at a friends house. Even when police started letting people out of the neighborhood, they still weren’t letting anyone in. It was after 3:00 AM before Kat was able to get home and tuck her kids into their own bed. And after all that, after completely inconveniencing the more than 300 people who live in this rather secluded neighborhood, the person police were chasing got away.

Indiana has the ability to be a wonderful home. There are fantastically diverse state parks, wildlife, music, art, and top-notch advanced education opportunities. There are museums all over the place displaying the best material from around the world. There are more than enough reasons why living in Indiana should be wonderful. But it’s not. It hasn’t been the entire time I’ve lived here. And until the people of this state stop electing complete idiots to office, stop marginalizing people for stupid reasons like being gay or female, and get a handle on its crime issue, Indiana will continue to be a place that has to tie people down to keep them from leaving.

All that’s keeping us here now is waiting for Kat to finish school and her sister’s wedding. This past week, Kat was offered a position out of state at a salon with an international reputation. Whether she takes that offer or considers another, we’ll both finally be able to move. There is light at the end of our tunnel. We’re looking forward to cutting the ropes.

Indiana sucks, but it doesn’t have to. I suppose there’s a chance that they’ll one day wake up and change, but who wants to wait around for that? Opportunities are being lost every day. Cut your ropes, my friends. Move on.

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pop culture  /  PotD
Efficiency Is The New Pickup Line
April 9, 2016
charles i. letbetter - efficiency is the new ickup line

Secrecy is the enemy of efficiency, but don’t let anyone know it. —Ric Ocasek

charles i. letbetter - efficiency is the new pickup line

Millennials are having sex sooner and more often than previous generations, all due to efficiency

File this one under “reasons I’m glad I’m not dating anymore.” For anyone of my generation, or even the generation just younger than me, the manner and means in which Millennials and Gen-Zers are dating and “hooking up” is so dramatically different from the tactics and standards we used as to seem incredibly odd and unnatural. What they’re doing, though, is using available technology to maximize the efficiency of the one night stand.

There are a couple of articles you’ll want to read in order to truly understand what’s going on here. The first appeared in Vanity Fair last September, Writer Nancy Jo Sales looked at what she considers to be the “end of dating” largely because of mobile apps such as Tinder that make “hooking up” much easier than actually going out somewhere and meeting someone. The second was published yesterday on Mashable. Author Mandy Stadtmiller extends from the platform of the VF article to explore exactly how quickly those hookups happen, often without even having met each other. The common tie between the articles is the need for efficiency.

If we need to get real about young adults having sex, let’s do that now: They always have. Let’s not pretend that there was a generation somewhere back in the 50s where everyone remained virginal until they walked down the aisle to get married. The statistics have remained fairly steady since they were first studied over 70 years ago. Young adults like having sex and there’s not much that can stop them. Through every post-WWII generation, 60-65% of all 18-25-year-olds had sex at least once while dating. Don’t let your grandmother’s tales of chastity fool you.

For my generation, there was an unspoken three-date rule for having sex, and that rule has held as the standard for quite a while. Three dates give one time to get to know another person and decide whether there’s even a remote chance of a longer-term relationship. Of course, that’s assuming that there’s actually meaningful dialogue during the dates, which doesn’t always happen. I’m sure we all know someone who just endured the dates to get to the sex. Maybe it was you. Let’s not be naive. Young adult passions haven’t changed.

Dating apps, however, have suddenly shortened the time frame. Whereas we used to make fun of and joke about online dating, apps such as Tinder and Hinge have become so commonplace and easy to use that the stigma of online dating is completely gone. Instead, millennials see it as a way to cut through the clutter without having to endure the horrendous dates. Rather, couples who match on an app begin texting each other, which quickly becomes sexting, which quickly leads to sex. Fast. Efficient. Easy.

Efficiency isn’t the only factor at work here. Underlying the need for efficiency is an attitude of immediate gratification. Millennials are that generation, after all, who want everything now: the nice car, the big house, the exotic vacations, the designer clothes. Waiting for anything isn’t a part of their nature so we shouldn’t be surprised at all that they would want their sex without waiting as well.

We should also note that these hookups are in no way intended to take the place of long-term relationships. Millennials put those longer, more meaningful relationships in a different category than the quick sex hookups from Tinder. The longer relationship is something they’re willing to put in the future, after age 25, or even after the age of 30. The one thing millennials don’t want right now is to settle down.

What they do want, however, is efficiency in their sexual liaisons. I was rather taken aback by some of the forwardness mentioned in the two articles. Conversations went from, “Hi, you’re cute,” to “Send me a dick pic,” in fewer than five exchanges. Addresses and phone numbers were exchanged in less than 10. Chats were almost immediately sexual with seemingly no concern about personality or personal interests or any of the other things that typically draw two people together. Had I attempted such a conversation when I was of that age I would have most certainly had my face slapped. Efficiency matters now, though, and no one seems inclined to wait until the other person asks where they work before hopping into bed with them.

Which brings us back to the problem of people my age who find themselves single, again, perhaps for the third or fourth time. The rules have not only changed, the very mechanics have changed. Trolling for a one-night-stand at a nightclub is passé. See a pretty girl or attractive guy at a bar, chances are they’re looking at their phone, and chances are they’re going through Tinder. They’re not interested in the people around them because that’s not efficient. Older singles who don’t understand that significant shift in attitudes find themselves using the wrong tactics in an attempt to attract people who are too distracted to bother noticing. No wonder older singles end up depressed, lonely, and often suicidal.

This is a very different generation of young people from those who have gone before. Technology has made their lives more efficient. They order fast food before they get to Taco Bell. They expect their Uber to be waiting when they walk out the door. They have a lot going on and efficiency is the key to making it all happen right now. There’s no time for subtleties. Either your DTF or they’re moving on.

And if you don’t understand what DTF means, you’re not even in the game. Don’t bother.

 

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Status  /  video
Casual Friday
April 8, 2016
charles i. letbetter - casual Friday

A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything. —Friedrich Nietzsche

charles i. letbetter - casual friday

When Fridays turn foul we do best to just wait the day out and hope for a better tomorrow

There are days when there is absolutely nothing you can do to boost productivity. Some days are just bad and this is feeling very much like it is going to be one of them. Here it is the start of Spring, still early in April, and while we might expect the rain we’ve been having, waking up to a 30-degree temperature this morning isn’t exactly a good way to start the weekend. The cold snap we’re experiencing is thwarting plans left and right and making the children difficult which in turns makes me irritable.

Since productivity is out the window, for the fifth time this week, my plan for today is to simply survive. There’s really no other choice. The kids are feeling the cabin fever just as much as I am and if I want to keep the noise level down to a point where I’m not committing violent crimes against all of humanity then we’re going to have to make this Friday a most casual one and do something I would normally not recommend doing: watching movies.

Of course, for this casual Friday to actually work, I have to select just the right movies, a blend that will keep the little one’s from further destroying the house while simultaneously not drive me to the point of wanting to nuke the entire Disney operation. This isn’t easy. Fortunately, Netflix has a large number of options and recommendations. So, here’s what we’re going to try (hint, click on the titles to go directly to the movies):

The Mummy

I consider it part of my duty to both instill a sense of fear in children everywhere and I can think of no better way to do that than through really cheesy action and adventure flicks. Let’s face it: anything with Brandon Frazer is automatically covered in a pretty heavy dose of cheese. It’s casual Friday, though, so maybe we’ll just use that cheese and make nachos.

Spy Hard

The late Leslie Nielson brought a level of humor and satire to movies that I know is going to sail right over the kids’ heads. That’s okay. There’s enough slapstick to make them laugh. Leave the more subtle aspects for me. Maybe one day the kids will look back and think, “Why did anyone let me watch this?”

Barbarella

Just kidding. Tossed that one in to give Kat a startle. Happy casual Friday, dear!

Bewitched

Proof that Will Ferrel can make a really lousy movie that flops at the box office. I loved the original series, but this just stinks from one end to the other. Perfect for kids who don’t know the meaning of the word “quiet.”

Big Trouble In Little China

Okay, this one’s actually pretty good and by this point in the day I’m going to need something with the right blend of comedy and action and racial stereotypes. Well, okay, I could do without the racial stereotypes. Still, my hope is this is the one that puts them down for a willing nap. Every casual Friday needs a nap, doesn’t it?

I should probably note that were there no children in the equation my list would look dramatically different. I’d much rather watch a good documentary such as Ken Burn’s piece on the Roosevelts, which I’ve still not finished. That would have the little ones bouncing off the walls, though, and this casual Friday would become chaotic Friday and we really, really don’t want that. Not again.

Yes, this is a perfect example of really horrible parenting. You shouldn’t do this. Do not follow my example. If you need to have a casual Friday of your own, I’m sure there are much more wholesome and educational activities with which you could pass the time with your children. I’m sure your children are wonderful, beautiful, and always incredibly well behaved and listen to every instruction you give them. These two don’t, though, and since nothing else this week has worked I’m throwing in the towel and turning on the television. I’m sorry. If you think something different should happen, you are more than welcome to come take over. The backdoor is unlocked (I think).

Oh, and despite the pictures above, this casual Friday does not involve nudity. Again, kids. If they weren’t here, however … (ahem).

Enjoy your casual Friday. If there are no new articles tomorrow you’ll know I didn’t survive.

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Art  /  Nature  /  Photography  /  PotD
Merging With Nature
April 8, 2016

Words, like nature, half reveal and half conceal the soul within. —Alfred Lord Tennyson

charles i. letbetter - merging with nature

Outdoor pictures can be wonderful, but nature isn’t always as obliging as it might appear

[Ed. note: charles is busy dealing with little people this morning so we thought it best to just rerun an entry from last year when it wasn’t so freakin’ cold out. We’ll hope the boss is back tomorrow.]

I was able to step outside this morning without needing any kind of a jacket. That simple act made me very happy because it means we’re getting to the time of year when we can return to outdoor and natural light photography, a genre I genuinely love. There is something thrilling about being up at the crack of dawn, catching those first rays of sunlight, and having the first shoot of the day in the can before most people have finished their first cup of coffee.

On the best of days, we are able to schedule about ten days out, as far in advance as most meteorologists are willing to forecast, the weather holds, and we get that perfect blend of morning light with enticing shadows. If necessary, I’ll even settle for a moderately filtered shot as long as I’m getting good sun rays in the background. We have to be extremely well prepared and able to work quickly as the sun rises in the sky, but the results are almost always worth the early wake-up and any other minor inconvenience.

As I was going back through and re-processing this shot (we re-process anything over two years old), I was reminded, however, that nature doesn’t always want to cooperate. Dealing with the moving sunlight is one thing; at least, that’s predictable and something for which we can easily plan. What’s not as predictable is how vicious elements such as insects, rodents, and plant life might be on any given day at any given time. In this case, it was mosquitoes the model didn’t even feel whose bites left a number of unsightly little bumps on her skin. Sure, she felt them later, but their silent attack was beyond any on-camera solution by the time their presence was noticed.

I can’t help but feel bad when a model tells me two or three days later that she’s developed a rash, or found some strange bites on an intimate body part, or apparently came into contact with some plant to which she’s allergic. Nature can be a very dangerous place to take pictures!

When we’re out scouting for possible outdoor locations, we try to anticipate whether any little vermin might interfere with our plans. After all, a lot of people have issues with setting on a piece of rotting wood teaming with creepy, crawling things with more legs than can be counted at a single glance, which is all the creature is going to get before it’s brushed away, if not smashed. Yet, just because a location looks good one morning doesn’t mean it will be in the same condition two weeks later.

Mosquitoes are probably the most bothersome culprits, especially as we get deeper into the summer and their numbers seem greater than the entire population of whatever state we’re in. Ants are another common culprit and there is often absolutely no sign that they’re going to be a problem until the very moment we’re ready to sit a model on a stump, look down, and find the place crawling with them as though they’d received an invitation.

Most the time, such encounters are merely a momentary frustration. We try dealing with insects and such in the most humane manner possible. After all, everything is part of something else’s food chain and poison we put into the environment anywhere eventually comes back to our own dinner plates. Yet, there have been times when the aggressiveness of nature simply forced us to leave. One of the worst was probably the evening we were shooting in a small, natural pool that forms in the bend of a creek. We had shot there before with no problem, but on this particular evening, crawdads came out and began nipping at the models toes. Despite all our attempts to dissuade them, they were unrelenting and we finally had no choice but to retreat.

So,please keep in mind that there are things hiding in that picture that can sometimes make paradise a living nightmare. Nature doesn’t always want us merging with it; sometimes it wants us for lunch!

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Current Issues  /  Music  /  PotD
Merle Haggard: Okie From Bakersfield
April 7, 2016

The only thing that I miss lately in all music is somebody that will put out a melody that you can whistle. It doesn’t seem like there’s anything happening like that. —Merle Haggard

charles il etbetter - merle haggard: okie from bakersfield

Merle Haggard’s music touched lives in ways that will effect generations, even if they never knew him

I’m not sure there’s anyone who was raised in or around Oklahoma during the 1960s and 70s that doesn’t have a Merle Haggard story. Even if they never actually saw the man in person, his music affected Oklahoma and the people who live there even now. Never mind that he wasn’t actually born there. His song Okie From Muskogee gave both the town and the state a reputation it still tries desperately to hold onto, even though Haggard himself shifted and became more liberal over time. His songs struck a nerve with people who struggled to find jobs, to work the land, to stay out of jail, or to stay sober. That was Oklahoma then, and in many ways is Oklahoma now. As news of his death spread across the Internet yesterday, the stories began to appear. I saved mine until today.

I met Haggard twice, neither time with a camera available. The first time was when I was 13, a scrawny, shy little kid with glasses. We were in Tulsa for one reason or another and as we came out of a restaurant there he was, standing on the sidewalk with what I assume were some of his band members. Mother recognized him and whispered to Poppa, “That’s Merle Haggard!” She was trying to be discreet, but that never was one of Mother’s better traits. The song man heard her and walked over to say hi.

Haggard was still young then. I remember the dark, curly hair sticking out from under his black hat. His smile was big and friendly. When he shook my hand, though, his skin felt rough and dry, like someone much older, someone who was used to doing hard labor. I also picked up on a distinct aroma, one which I wouldn’t be able to identify for a few more years. Yeah, never mind what the song says, Merle was about as big a pot smoker as Willie, he just didn’t make as big a deal about it.

Merle had a distinct sound, one of those you could recognize the instant the record started playing. He didn’t go in for the studio string section that was popular in Nashville. He kept his music real, guitar-centered, a touch of banjo, with a little bit of steel thrown in at just the right place. He didn’t need to do any vocal tricks, he just sang a song with a good melody, one you could whistle if you wanted. He told stories that resonated not only in Oklahoma but all across the country. Whether it was the 60s or 2010, he had a connection with how people felt and a unique way of putting that into song.

The man never shied away from being honest about his opinions or his politics. While conservatives loved him in the 70s, he didn’t feel any loyalty to a party and his views shifted more to the left as he grew older. In a 2010 interview with Patrick Doyle for Rolling Stone, Haggard made a statement that caught his more conservative fans by surprise.

t’s really almost criminal what they do with our President. There seems to be no shame or anything. They call him all kinds of names all day long, saying he’s doing certain things that he’s not. It’s just a big old political game that I don’t want to be part of. There are people spending their lives putting him down. I’m sure some of it’s true and some of it’s not. I was very surprised to find the man very humble and he had a nice handshake. His wife was very cordial to the guests and especially me. They made a special effort to make me feel welcome. It was not at all the way the media described him to be.

He also became a more outspoken of the legalization of marijuana. In a different interview that same year, Haggard said:

Well, I’m kinda like George Carlin. I think that there ought to be a time where everybody should have all the drugs they want and there’d be nobody in charge, sort of like… now! 

The second time I met Merle was back in 2001, outside a club just North of Atlanta called Cowboys. I was on my way home and recognized Waylon Jenning’s vehicle parked next to the tour bus. Waylon hadn’t been doing well and I was rather surprised to see him out, so I pulled into the parking lot and as I got out of the car Waylon and Merle stepped out of the bus. Haggard’s hair was grayer, of course, but his eyes still sparkled, his smile just as broad, and his handshake just as real. He was in the middle of touring and had just stopped by for a moment to see Waylon, an old friend. Regrettably, I was on a tight schedule and couldn’t stay to listen to them swap stories.

Country music today is barely a shadow of what it was back when Haggard was consistently at the top of the charts. Music has changed, the industry has changed, and the world is a very different place. Still, he never stopped. Haggard’s songs remained real, relatable, and as country as the red clay of Oklahoma, which is saying something for a boy raised in a boxcar in Bakersfield.

Farewell, Merle. Thanks for all the music.

https://youtu.be/n4AgZST_TG8

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Current Issues  /  PotD
Trying To Make Sense Of The World
April 5, 2016
charles i. letbetter - trying to make sense of the world

Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. —Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

charles i. letbetter - trying to make sense of the world

There are so many events that fail to make a lick of sense, one has difficulty trying to not go crazy

Yesterday had more than it’s fair share of challenges. Some were part and parcel of just having kids and trying to take care of them. Others, though, hit deeper. We found out yesterday that the owner of a popular Northside bar & grill that Kat and I occasionally enjoy committed suicide over the weekend. Beyond the immediate tragedy of one feeling so desperate, the move also puts in jeopardy the livelihood of his employees who may now be without a job.

Last evening, an estranged couple, who were under a no-contact order, met in a parking lot in Camby, a small town just East of Indianapolis. The conversation grew heated and in an apparent act of frustration, the man shot his estranged wife in the leg and then the head before exiting the car and killing himself. She’s in stable condition, but be sure that every aspect of her life has been turned upside down.

The world is crazy.

The Tennessee State Legislature passed a bill yesterday making the Bible the state book. Governor Haslam has said he opposes the bill, but there is still some speculation as to whether he may sign it and, if he doesn’t, whether the legislature can override the veto. So much for the separation of church and state. Merely by passing the bill the state legislature has marginalized millions of Tennessee residents who don’t identify as Christian.

The world is insane.

An ex-wife, the one named Ivana, of a leading presidential candidate said yesterday that she supports immigration because, get this,  “Who’s going to vacuum our living rooms and clean up after us? Americans don’t like to do that.” Never mind that she, herself, is an immigrant and I dare say has never so much as touched a vacuum cleaner in her overly-advantaged life. Such statements make it clear that 54% of the United States would be marginalized should her ex be elected president.

The world has gone nuts.

Someone hacked the entire citizenship database for the country of Turkey, population 49,611,709, and published all the details online. Everything. Full name, parents’ names, date and place of birth, current address, etc. Everything one would need to completely obsfucate Turkish identities for decades. This potentially places everything related to identity in question. Imagine if the US Social Security records were to be hacked in similar fashion. The website hints that the new US president had better know what he’s doing or we could face a similar attack.

The world has turned on itself.

Reuters is reporting that Daesh militants are using rockets filled with mustard gas in their fight to take over a Syrian military airport. Never mind that the use of chemical weapons violates the Geneva convention. We can’t expect Daesh to abide by any laws, including their own. Such an act demonstrates a complete and total disregard for human life and we should take note that this isn’t the first time the terrorist organization has used the nerve gas. These people are vile, yet France’s Prime Minister Manuel Valls says Islamic extremists are winning the propaganda war. Could we be facing an event worse than anything Hitler could have imagined?

What do we do when the world seems to have literally turned itself upside down?

We could worry. We could fret. The truth is, though, there’s not a hell of a lot we can do to actively change the actions of others. We can look forward to voting in November, but then it’s what, 12 to 18 months after that before we could start to see any significant difference that actually effects global actions?

I’m beginning to think that Sally Bowles had it right when she sang:

What good´s permitting some prophet of doom?
To wipe every smile away
Life is a cabaret , old chum!
So come to the cabaret!

What else makes sense? If we cannot create immediate change over such outlandish behavior and events, then we do best to go on with our lives and make the best of them we can. Two friends brought beautiful young lives into the world this weekend (both boys, interestingly enough). We should celebrate. There are advances being made in the fight against Alzheimer’s. We should be encouraged. There was an electrical fire at the Internal Revenue Service. We should be hopeful.

Star by admitting
From cradle to tomb
It isn’t that long a stay
Life is a cabaret, old chum!
It´s only a cabaret, old chum!
And I love a cabaret!

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Current Issues  /  PotD  /  Social Commentary
Time To Ditch The Cruelty
April 4, 2016

Cruelty, like every other vice, requires no motive outside of itself; it only requires opportunity. —George Eliot

 

charles i. letbetter - time to ditch the cruelty

We need more smiles. We need more niceness. We need less cruelty.

I started yesterday in one of those foul moods where I’m pretty sure my verbal cruelty had Kat more than happy to be spending the day at the salon. I hate those days, but yesterday rather snuck up on me as a confluence of circumstance combined with continual interference from an unwanted external source made the situation intolerable. While I would like to excuse the behavior as just being human, I can’t. I know better. I caved to those basest and vile instincts that might have had their place some 40,000 years ago but are wholly inappropriate now.

Sadder still, I’m far from being the only one who has had issues with cruelty of late. We have come to expect cruelty in a presidential election year, I suppose, but that still doesn’t make the comments against women, minorities, immigrants, or other candidates’ family members any more appropriate. One of the first things I saw in my newsfeed this morning was a click-bait article (I’ll not bother you with the link) recounting the 17 worst assassination attempts on President Obama. And the whole still-developing mess from the Panama Papers threatens to unleash a whole new wave of international outrage toward anyone whose offshore dealings come off as shady. Given the current inference of bad guys mixing with heads of state, one might expect the next couple of weeks to be a bit tense at best.

I worry that cruelty has become our second nature. Someone says something we don’t like, we want to punch them. Someone represents something we oppose, we want to redistribute their body parts. Someone cuts us off in traffic, we’re immediately homicidal. We don’t want to take time to talk and understand each other’s point of view, we don’t want to take into consideration a different perspective. We don’t want to negotiate a peaceful outcome. We want full and complete destruction and will go to whatever means necessary to satisfy our blood lust.

This is the world we have created. We cannot blame our bent toward cruelty on previous generations. We did not learn this through bad parenting. We did not get here by failing to get the right trophy when we were in grade school. This is the result of a conscious and deliberate decision to not stop ourselves at that first moment of anger or disappointment. We could have just as easily shut ourselves down and done the right thing, but we decided, both collectively and individually, to let the anger push us forward.

As a result, we no longer even notice when five are killed in Pittsburg, or Kansas City, or Glendale. When an Uber driver goes nuts and kills six in Kalamazoo, we’re momentarily upset because children were involved, but then we go right back to exactly the same things we were doing the moment before. We’ve resigned ourselves to the notion that this is just the way things are and there’s nothing we can do to stop it.

I call bullshit.

I can do something about my attitude and my response to everything that happens to and around me. How I respond, in turn, effects how others around me respond and their response impacts others beyond my reach. Every last one of us can improve the world simply by changing our own response and not letting anger and cruelty take over. We are in control and just as my grousing and cursing made yesterday difficult for everyone, I can just as easily make this morning better by saying thank you, speaking softly, and maybe even hand delivering a kiss or two where appropriate.

You can do the same. I know you can. You can smile, even though the weather this morning leaves something to be desired. You can choose a quiet, positive-toned response when someone approaches you with unjustified anger. You can stick up for someone who’s being treated unfairly. You can earnestly try to understand someone else’s point of view, even though you disagree with their position on the matter. You can step back, count to ten, or maybe even walk away from a situation rather than losing your temper.

We can all do a lot to change this pattern of cruelty that we’ve allowed to permeate our society. After all, we were the ones who let the situation get out of control in the first place. Politicians don’t make America or anywhere else great, people do. Let this be your #MondayMotivation to start making the world more friendly. We can do it.

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Art  /  Music  /  PotD
Leave The Creative Alone
April 3, 2016
charles i. letbetter - leave the creative alone

Singing provides a true sense of lightheartedness. If I sing when I am alone, I feel wonderful. It’s freedom.—Andrea Bocelli

 

charles i. letbetter - leave the creative alone

Creatives can be the life of a party, but there are times we have to be alone.

I realize as I start writing this morning that there is the distinct possibility that what I’m about to say may come off as complaining. I’m not. My purpose here is instructional for anyone who knows, works with, or worse, lives with a creative person. People are attracted to creatives because of their talent, which is enjoyable and frequently entertaining. Creatives can be wonderful company and even passionately romantic. You like us for some very good reasons.

Trouble comes, though, when we insist on being left alone. People who are not creative frequently don’t understand at all, and when two creative souls are paired together it can be a challenge as to who gets to be alone when and for how long.

A recent article on Creative Market explored the topic of Why Creatives Need Alone Time To Thrive and they hit the nail on the head for several points:

  • Better Focus on One Single Subject
  • More Positive Emotions
  • Freedom from Demands of Others
  • More Creativity
  • Improved Memory

For creatives, being alone is when the real work gets done, even if it doesn’t look like we’re working from the outside. So much of the creative process is done inside the head. No matter whether one is a singer, plays an instrument, writes, acts, paints, or any other creative genre, we spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about what we want to achieve and white might be the best way to do so. We need to be free from interruptions and distractions, though, for us to be able to get through that mental process successfully.

As a pianist, in a younger existence, I spent many hours alone in a practice room. Much of that time was spent drilling, going over difficult passages again and again and again until either they were mastered or my mind was exhausted. Yet, an almost equal amount of time was spent being quiet, studying the notes and becoming aware of patterns, staring at the keyboard and thinking about how my fingers needed to move across it, hearing the music in my head so that I could be better aware of the phrasing and nuances necessary.

The quiet time didn’t end when I left the practice room, though. While the clock might dictate that it was time for my body to be elsewhere, my mind would still be occupied with the music. Someone might call to me from across the campus and I would be so totally lost in thought that I wouldn’t hear them. Creatives understood, others not so much. I was charged more than once with being stuck-up and antisocial when that was never my intention.

One aspect that non-creatives often do not, and perhaps cannot, understand is that the creative process isn’t limited to just the act of doing something. Being a photographer, using the obvious example, may seem to be limited to the act of actually taking and processing the pictures. What people don’t see are the hours spent thinking about concepts, the right setting, the best lighting, what poses might work, which model would be best, and the angles from which we might shoot. All of those considerations have to be finalized before anyone else shows up. In fact, many of those decisions need to be made before we even contact someone about shooting. All those decisions are best made alone.

The more visceral elements of the creative process do not necessarily take place where one might expect. For me, going on a long walk is one of the most creative times I have. I’ve known others who would go sailing, or working in their flower garden, or spending time with their pets. What works is different for every creative individual. What’s common across almost all of us is that we do those things alone, and yes, we are working just as hard then, perhaps even more so, than when we’re behind the camera, sitting on the piano bench, or standing behind an easel.

Please understand, when we insist on having time alone, it doesn’t mean we don’t like you or that we don’t enjoy your company. We don’t necessarily intend to be antisocial. If anything, being out and enjoying the company of others often stokes our creative imaginations. We like a good party, or a ballgame, or a day at the beach. Most of us enjoy spending that time with you; it gives us much-needed energy to keep going. Being with other people can revive our passion for what we do.

Still, when it comes down to doing the bulk of creative work, we need to be alone. Please don’t be offended. Please don’t think we’re putting you in second place. Being alone is simply a very necessary and often very welcome part of the process.

We love you for understanding and thank you for giving us the space to be who and what we are.

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Behind The Scenes  /  Status
Mischief Managed
April 2, 2016
charles i. letbetter - mischief managed

Let them call it mischief: When it is past and prospered t’will be virtue. —Ben Jonson

 

charles i. letbetter - mischief managed

I moved to Indiana when he was six. This week we make up for lost time.

I mentioned last week that my youngest son was coming to visit. Despite multiple attempts, this was the first time any of my boys has been able to come here to see me rather than vice versa. We were incredibly excited. That week has flown by faster than any I can remember and now we’re taking him home. I’m sad that he can’t stay longer.  Still, we’ve had a very good time. He still has a baby face, so no one expects the mischief of which he is capable. He measures it out carefully.

Sunday, we hiked around Eagle Creek, found a bridge over a quiet stream, and sat and talked while he dug holes in the creekbed with a large stick. He used to complain about long hikes with his brothers. He seemed to enjoy this one.

Monday, we hung out at the mall (because, you know, that’s where the Lego store is) then took some time to watch Batman v. Superman. The last movie we saw in the theater together? The Incredibles and I carried him on my shoulders. He reminded me of that experience more than once. Despite his frequent requests, we did not attempt to reenact that experience.

Tuesday, our mischief took us downtown, starting on Mass Ave. where we played with toys and found a roof-top perch I didn’t know existed. We wound through the maze of memorials and skyscrapers until he got hungry. We hit Tilted Kilt because, you know, he’s 17. Besides, Taps & Dolls doesn’t do lunch and Hooters couldn’t be more passé. More than the over-priced burger and obvious scenic attraction, what does my son remember most about the day? The moist towelettes. He took three. He said they made his skin soft. We finished the day playing chess at Indy Reads Books. Score one for the old man. I can still beat him.

Wednesday was the family trip to the zoo. This was prime silly time as he was dive-bombed by exotic birds, ignored by baboons, and stared at by a very menacing looking cheetah. Had they let him take home a flamingo, I’m sure he would have tried. What was most surprising, though, was that by this point in the week we had worn him out. He was in bed before 9:30 that night;  the first time he’s been in bed that early in years.

Thursday, it rained. We stayed home. We talked a lot. We reminisced a lot. He asked questions about his grandparents, whom he barely remembers. We talked about life. We talked about girls. We talked about school, opportunities missed, and regrets.

Friday’s mischief took us to the Dallara Indycar Factory in Speedway. Since Kat had to be at the salon, we took the little ones with us. Those are the pictures below. The big hit of the day was the simulators. Based on how he performed there, I’m warning his mother to not let him drive for at least two more years. The world just isn’t ready. From there, we had froyo for lunch, then started the long walk home. Along the way, we passed several of the 2016 Indy 500 pace cars. Of course, he was smart enough to take a picture.

While his 18th birthday isn’t for a couple more weeks, we went ahead and celebrated a bit Friday evening. There were cupcakes. burgers, and mac & cheese. He fell asleep quite happy.

We’re going to miss him. There is still so very much to talk about. He still has a lot of questions that deserve answers. Perhaps, just maybe, we can make some arrangement for another trip this summer, though Kat’s schedule this summer is daunting. My baby boy is grown up in so many ways, but he still enjoys an afternoon of Phineas And Ferb and a bit of The Batman animated series before he falls asleep at night.

So, this round of mischief comes to an end. I’m hoping there will be more. I’ve missed time like this with all three boys. Who knows, maybe next time we can convince his eldest brother to join him. Although, I’m really not sure Indy is ready for that much Letbetter all at once. We’ll have to see. Enjoy the pictures.

 

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Advertising  /  Fashion
A Great Place To Work
April 1, 2016
charles i. letbetter - friendly places to work

My experience has been that work is almost the best way to pull oneself out of the depths. —Eleanor Roosevelt

 

charles i. letbetter - a good place to work

Why are advertising and fashion companies not listed more frequently among the best companies to work for?

Apparently, my friends and colleagues in the advertising and fashion industries are not as happy with their jobs as they appear.

The latest iteration of Fortune Magazine’s “100 Best Companies To Work For“ is out and looking down the list what I see is rather disappointing. There is only one Indiana-based company, Roche Diagnostics, which is #73 on the list. There is only one fashion-related company on the list: Nordstrom at #92. And despite the fact that #1 Google lists itself as an advertising and marketing company, there really are NO pure advertising agencies on the list at all. We have a problem.

Business of Fashion published an article yesterday addressing the culture of emotion and how that impacts employee retention and happiness. While there are a few companies that are trying different approaches, most were based on single-event programs and failed to really address the day-to-day issues that can make even creative offices stressful and difficult to work at. Creative people don’t work as well under stressful situations. We’re more likely to shut down. Having one day a year where a team gets together to “give back” to the community is nice, but it does absolutely nothing to alleviate the daily grind under which everyone is working.

Earlier this morning, fashion holding company Kering announced that creative director Hedi Slimane is leaving Yves Saint Laurent. While the news is anything but surprising, it underscores how unhappy everyone working in the fashion industry seems to be. Slimane joins Raf Simmons and Alber Elbaz on a list of very high-profile designers, people who should be at the top of their design game, who are just floating out there, unattached to any label and missing the financial capital to create eponymous lines for themselves. If the world’s top designers are not happy, we have to assume that everyone below them is absolutely miserable.

Similarly, advertising has never been a friendly work environment. The revolving door at most agencies is so severe that anyone who makes it past their one-year anniversary is considered a veteran. While some may blame the constant turnover on the aggressive recruitment poaching of top talent, what factors just as strongly is a lack of willingness on the part of the agencies themselves to create work environments that encourage loyalty and reward longevity. I’ve talked to many agency partners who never expect new hires to stay long and, as a result, create an environment that encourages their exit. Who wants to work in a place like that?

Hundreds of thousands of creatives are employed between the fashion and advertising industries. While both have managed to thrive for decades on a high-stress, high-turnover environment, the day when creatives are willing to tolerate those destructive work atmospheres may be coming to an end. Millennials, especially, are less tolerant of work environments that are incapable of contributing to their overall well-being, including emotional and physical aspects that we’ve previously considered inappropriate for the office. If employers don’t find ways to adjust, the exodus of  creative talent could bring about an end to business-as-usual and spark a whole new revolution of agencies and design labels that disrupt both industries.

Brand and agency executives have every reason to be concerned. No business can survive off the work of the people at the top. Workplaces need to get a lot more friendly, and fast.

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Advertising  /  Current Issues
LGBT Obstacle Course
March 30, 2016
charles i. letbetter - lgbt obstacle course

Intolerance is itself a form of violence and an obstacle to the growth of a true democratic spirit. —Mahatma Gandhi

 

charles i. letbetter - lgbt obstacle course

You think your life is a nightmare? Try having your very existence marginalized

What does it feel like to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered? For those of us who don’t identify with any of those sexualities, understanding what their life is like and the obstacle course they face can be challenging. To the point we have difficulty empathizing as both individuals and as a society, the less likely we are to be understanding and tolerant of those whose identity is different from our own. The ad below is trying to help us fill that gap.

The ad, which might be more appropriately considered as a short film, was created by TWBA/Paris for Inter-LGBT, a French non-profit focused on support and advocacy for the LGBT community. With the approaching Pride marches across France in June, the organization “wanted to convey a strong message and remember that human rights are not negotiable and we will continue to advance for it.” The film does an excellent job of conveying their message without using many words. Yet, for some, especially those who live in more conservative environments where they may be the only person nearby who identifies as they do, this film may be a bit too real. You may have already experienced this nightmare. This obstacle course is a part of your life.

The film puts the viewer behind the eyes of a marginalized person. The scene starts at school with the bullying and taunting, then moves to exclusion at parties, the butt of jokes, on the ground surrounded by bullies, a father’s rejection, a mother’s tears, and all the closed doors. I know many who have been through these exact situations, and some who are still there. For too many people, this nightmare is their daily reality, and it hurts at a depth the rest of us rarely try to understand.

At the end, the film concludes by stating, “Until society progresses, we will keep moving forward.”  In the meantime, though, the obstacle course is still there. If anything, life throws a new obstacle or two at marginalized people on a daily basis.

On its website, Inter-LGBT expresses the struggle in this way:

We argue because we refuse that fear wins.
We argue because we have decided to live at any cost.
We move forward because we think that love is stronger than hate.
We argue because we have faith in society’s ability to reinvent itself.
We move forward because that is how we change society, by showing the way.
We argue because we know we are not alone.

Recent political actions in both Georgia and North Carolina remind us of how the struggle is so very real everywhere you look. We cannot simply look at this as an LGBT issue and leave them alone to fight against the obstacle of oppression, the obstacle of cruelty, and the obstacle of dehumanization on their own. We all must take up this cause and commit to the elimination of each and every obstacle that unfairly blocks all marginalized people.

Take a look at the film. Understand the nightmare of the obstacle course for yourself.

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Advertising  /  Fashion  /  PotD
Progressive Reflection
March 29, 2016
charles i. letbetter - progressive reflection

In a free society, government reflects the soul of its people. If people want change at the top, they will have to live in different ways. Our major social problems are not the cause of our decadence. They are a reflection of it. —Cal Thomas

 

charles i. letbetter - progressive reflection

Reflection not only shows us how far we’ve progressed but sometimes points a way toward how we should change in the future

Progressive reflection is a shortened version of my original title for this morning: We Don’t Do Things That Way Anymore. The whole premise comes from my desire last night to take a few shortcuts with this week’s posts by reconsidering articles I published back in 2008. The idea sounded good. I could fulfill my obligations here without severely impacting the time I spend with my youngest son. Sounds like a perfect plan.

The problem came when I started looking through those posts and discovered that many were based on technical photography information that simply no longer applies. There was an article on black and white conversion whose instruction seems totally inferior now given the advances and additional options that are available. Reading through an article on color correction, the points made were accurate for when they were written, but in the ensuing eight years, the technology both on the camera and in processing software rendered the recommendations there quite moot.

So much for shortcuts.

Reflection and photography go hand-in-hand. Our desire to look back and see how things were is a large part of what fuels our desire to take pictures now. We know nothing stays the same, so we want to capture these moments as they pass. I can’t begin to count the number of times a client surprises me with the type of pictures they want to take and their reasoning is that they want to be able to look back and remember how wonderful they looked at that particular point in their lives.

We can learn from reflection as well, though, and there are times when it can help us to see the way forward a bit more clearly. Memories not only help us remember how things were, they also help us see mistakes we might not have caught and may encourage us to not go down the same path again. They can also be encouraging with the realization that, perhaps, we’ve been through difficult challenges before and we can handle those we’re facing now equally well.

Specifically, I find reflection offers five specific possibilities for pushing us forward. Here they are:

  1. Find what worked before and consider duplicating it. Fashion designers do this all the time, and it can work quite effectively. Consider, for example, what Karl Lagerfeld has done with the Chanel collection. From the moment he accepted the position as creative director for the storied label, Lagerfeld made his career there by looking back and either duplicating or modestly updating Coco’s most famous looks, specifically her suiting. For the most recent ready-to-wear presentation, he mimicked Coco’s 1960’s presentations at 31 rue Cambon, from decor to styling. You can read my review here if you’re interested.  Lagerfeld’s only one of many designers that find the way forward in fashion comes from heavily duplicating what was done before.
  2. Find what didn’t work before and avoid doing it again. We don’t always realize we’re about to repeat a mistake until we look back and see that we’ve been in a similar situation before. Advertising is a good example of that. Everyone remembers the blunder the Coca-Cola corporation made with New Coke; an error in marketing and advertising that instantly became iconic in so many ways. I can promise you that the New Coke debacle is brought up anytime anyone suggests making significant changes to a company’s core product and its cautionary tale almost certainly has helped avoid similar disasters.
  3. Find what was wrong previously and fix it. Here is where reflection can lead to innovation. The automobile industry serves as our example in this regard. Manufacturers routinely study how their vehicles performed in real crashes; not just the ones performed in a test situation but specifically fatality accidents that involved real-world situations not duplicated in a test environment. As a result, vehicles are significantly safer now than they were even five years ago. So much so that Volvo has pledged that by 2020 no one will be killed or seriously injured in one of their vehicles. Volvo gets there by letting reflection push their innovation.
  4. Remember what made you happy and let it inspire you.  There are some great things in our past that can’t, and shouldn’t be duplicated. Yet, when we reflect on things that made us happy we can be inspired to do other things that are as fulfilling and enjoyable. A perfect example is exactly what I’m doing with my youngest son this week. I reflect back on many of the conversations I had with my father when I was 17, and while duplicating those topics would be wholly inappropriate, looking at how my father responded to challenges I set before him and questions I asked help me understand how I need to respond to my own son. I can only hope my words are as wise.
  5. Appreciate the past and let it go. Too often the thing that keeps us from moving forward is our grip on how things were before. The words, “We’ve never done it that way before,” have killed many good ideas before they ever had a chance to germinate.  I can’t help but think here of my paternal grandfather, a sharecropper in Arkansas from the  early 1900s into the 1950s. He long had a habit of standing up on the buckboard as he drove his team and wagon into town. Finally, though, he realized he needed to put the team in the barn and get a car. He loved that team and buckboard but had to let go of his long-standing habits to move forward. Reflection allows us to appreciate the past, but it also encourages us to move on.

I enjoy looking back through the thousands of pictures we’ve taken over the years, but I often look at how they were processed and know that I would make very different decisions now from what I did originally. Reflection helps to move my skills forward by showing me the discrepancies and inconsistencies of my work in the past. At the same time, though, when I come across a creative piece that I really like, it encourages me to keep fueling that creativity in the future.

I may yet find one or two articles from those old archives that still works. I’ll be sure to label it as such if I do. Reflection is progressive, though, and it’s far more likely they’ll encourage me to write or shoot something new. I don’t have any problem with that at all, and I hope you don’t either.

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Music  /  PotD
A Little Bit Country
March 26, 2016
charles i. letbetter - a little bit country

I write some country music. There’s a song called ‘I Hope You Dance.’ Incredible. I was going to write that poem; somebody beat me to it. —Maya Angelou

 

charles i. letbetter 0 a little bit country

Listening to country music means being in a certain emotional place and giving your ears fair warning.

Patsy Cline. Little Jimmy Dickens. Charlie Pride. Conway Twitty. Hank Williams, Sr.

I’m listening to some country music as we make final preparations for my youngest son to visit later today. We’re excited. This is the first time in eleven years that any of my boys have been able to come to Indianapolis. So, we’ve made sure that my schedule is clear, that there are chips and soft drinks readily available for snacking, and that the refrigerator is well stocked. We’re looking forward to a lot of fun. There’s just one thing I’ve not yet warned Kat about: he listens to country music.

I’ll admit, the country/rock fence isn’t one I mind straddling. I was born at a wonderful time for music, back when radio was alive with some truly great sounds. I cut my teeth on the Beatles, learned to ride my bike with Peter, Paul, and Mary coming through the kitchen window, and learned to drive with the Doobie Brothers blasting from the stereo in the car. When our parents were gone, or not exactly paying attention, my brother and I were playing KISS, AC/DC, The Rolling Stones, and Three Dog Night on the console stereo in the back room. The music with which we grew up was nothing short of fantastic, which is why many of those songs are still alive and those bands are touring, even though their members pop blood pressure meds and swig Geritol instead of the more nefarious contents of the past.

At the same time, though, we were raised on a good balance of classic country music. Some of my favorite memories are sitting at the tiny little breakfast table in Towanda, Kansas and listening to Hank Williams, Roy Acuff, and Flatt & Scruggs on KFDI, 1070 AM, out of Wichita. Mother would sing along as she was cooking bacon or gently frying eggs sunny side up. We might listen to Foreigner or Boston in the afternoon, but the mornings belonged to Johnny Cash, Merle Haggard, Dolly Parton, and The Oak Ridge Boys.

So yeah, I can enjoy a touch of country music as long as I am mentally prepared for it. One has to be in a special emotional place to listen to country music. The sad ballads common to artist such as Bobby Goldsboro and George Jones can kill even the happiest buzz. If you’re too depressed, a bit of Bill Monroe might just make a person suicidal. One also has to warn their ears that they are about to be assaulted. If you are accustomed to hearing pure, clear, well-trained vocal tones, a bit of Ricky Skaggs or Ronnie Milsap might come as a bit of a shock. If one listens to country all the time, it’s no big deal, your ears are desensitized. For the rest of us though, the sound requires a moment of auditory adjustment no matter how much we like it.

Which brings us to my biggest concern for the week. While I don’t have any problem with any of the artists I’ve mentioned, and will make everyone in the room observe a moment of silence when Allison Krauss goes “Down To The River To Pray,” my dear son listens to contemporary country. This could be a problem. I prefer classic country. Blake Shelton is about the newest artist I can handle, and that’s pretty much only because I still remember that boy when he was playing county fairs in Oklahoma. I tried listening to Luke Bryan’s latest song a while ago and had to turn it off after four bars. What if he wants to listen to that Zac Brown Band or Dustin Lynch? I can deal with some Rascal Flatts, but I’m not so sure about Brantley Gilbert or Maddie & Tae.

I understand, music never stays the same. Our parents didn’t understand any of the music we listened to, which was probably a good thing. My parents could go to a different room when we were playing REO Speedwagon or Jefferson Starship. The house here is smaller, though. There’s no place to escape. I want my son to feel comfortable and at home, but if he asks to listen to Maren Morris I’m not sure how I’m going to respond (is that actually a clap track at the beginning of that song?).

Fortunately, there’s so much more to my son than his music choices. We’re going to have a great week with him and I’m sure you’ll see me mention my favorite G-man more than once this week. I’m looking forward to showing him around Indianapolis and having a good time. We’ll eat Long’s Donuts and drink coffee at Lino’s and I might even introduce him to Mug & Bun. I wouldn’t even mind if he were to meet an attractive and friendly female friend while he’s here.

The music, though … maybe we’ll just leave the radio on NPR this week.

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Photography  /  PotD
DO NOT EDIT MY PHOTOS!
March 24, 2016
charles i. letbetter - do not edit my photos

Those who want to be serious photographers, you’re really going to have to edit your work. You’re going to have to understand what you’re doing. You’re going to have to not just shoot, shoot, shoot. To stop and look at your work is the most important thing you can do. —Annie Leibovitz

 

charles i. letbetter - do not edit my photos

Editing photos without permission is a problem of the digital age that is only getting worse.

Back when photography was a more analog process involving darkrooms and chemicals, how much editing could be done to a photo was a nightmare. Even things we now consider fairly simple, such as blemish removal, involved actual airbrushing which held the risk of ruining the photograph. Editing could also cost a lot more. When one went to a portrait studio for family photos and the like, one would first be shown unedited proofs and the photographer would then attempt to upsell the editing, such as fixing Jr’s acne problem or little Joey’s fly away hair. Photographers didn’t worry that a customer or client might edit photos for themselves because they didn’t have the tools.

With the advent of digital photography, however, all that changed. Everyone, or so it seems, has access to some form of low-end image editing software. While not everyone knows how to use that software, that hasn’t stopped them from going ahead and adding filters and effects to digital photos. When one decides to edit their own photos, that’s fine. I’ve no objections. Editing your own photos is a great way to learn. When one decides to edit someone else’s photo, though, that’s a whole different issue. In short: don’t do it. Ever. For any reason.

Instagram was not the first but certainly has been the most popular consumer-level program to provide for easy, and horrible, editing directly within the app. For all the advantages that Instagram delivers from an advertising perspective, it has also been responsible for the display of millions of wretched images that should have been deleted. Professional photographers have had to scold more than a few “models” who, when posting their professional pictures, decided to edit them with one of Instagram’s filters. If you are guilty of doing this, you should apologize to your photographer immediately.

The situation is getting worse, however, as technology is making it possible to add digital stickers to photographs. We’ve already seen a rudimentary version pop up on Facebook, but now, it appears Twitter may be about to unleash a whole new can of worms. An article surfaced this week claiming that the social media messaging system is testing a “stickers” feature that not only allows users to add stickers to photos, but allows them to see how other people have edited the same photo. Even worse? Twitter would “suggest photos that you can edit and post to participate in trending conversations and breaking news.”

For professional photographers, this is a potential nightmare. There is no word as to whether there are any copyright protections (probably not) or any recourse for a photographer whose photo is edited without permission. Once again, we are faced with the challenging misconception that once something is posted to social media or published on the Internet that it must be public domain. Nothing could be further from the truth. Copyrights still remain with the photographer, no matter where they are published or how they are used, unless the photographer specifically indicates otherwise. Going around slapping stickers on photographs is a form of editing and therefore, in most cases, illegal!

Photographers have been fighting people who want to edit their photos for years. We don’t like it. When you edit one of our photos, you are not only defacing our creative property, you are insulting our artistic vision. When you edit on of my pictures, you are telling me that I wasted my time, that your opinion is more important than mine, and that you have no regard for my work. Don’t expect me or any other photographer to respond positively to such situations.

Hopefully, to avoid the legal entanglement that would be inevitable, Twitter will limit this feature to public domain photos that pass at least some superficial form of scrutiny before being slapped with stupid stickers. I don’t understand the appeal of such a feature in the first place, but I’m chalking that up to the fact I’m a grumpy old man. I’ll just assume that people who use such a feature also still buy sticker books and hide them from their children. Photographs are not sticker books, though. Putting stickers on photos isn’t editing, it’s defacing and demonstrates a lack of respect for the image.

The fact that Twitter put this information out into the press indicates that, barring some severe backlash, the feature is almost certainly headed for public release within the next few months. If that should happen, when that happens, I hope you will be thoughtful. If you want to deface your own pictures, go right ahead. Deface one of mine, though, and my response will not be friendly.

Do not edit my photos without my express permission. Ever.

 

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Current Issues  /  PotD
Shaking Feelings Of Impending Doom
March 23, 2016
charles i. letbetter - shaking feelings of impending doom

A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual doom. —Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

charles i. letbetter - shaking feelings of impending doom

Between terrorists’ bombs and bad politics, feelings of impending doom are difficult to shake.

I hate to admit it, but yesterday’s bombings in Brussels hit me extra hard. I was sitting here yesterday morning, looking for a picture in the archives, when the news flash came across my screen. I wasn’t surprised. Police have been focusing on Belgium since the Paris attacks in November. At the moment, it seemed just another sad facet of the increasingly violent reality in which we live. Push forward. Keep going.

There was something different this time, though; something I have more difficulty explaining. Kat and I were having a rare quiet lunch at one of our favorite Mass Ave. restaurants and instead of enjoying the brief moment without children I couldn’t shake the feeling that something in the universe had changed that morning, and not for the better. There was an emotional shift toward that feeling of impending doom. This was before I heard of the Peruvian mother of three-year-old twins who died at the ticket counter. Neither had I seen the pictures and videos of broken glass and strewn bodies. Brussels, somehow, was different.

Be sure, security forces around the world are on heightened alert and I don’t expect they’ll be too friendly with anyone they see wearing only one glove as yesterday’s suspected bombers did. At almost exactly the same time, without knowledge of the Brussels attacks, the US military conducted an airstrike against an Al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula training camp in Yemen.  If we’re counting body bags, we killed more of them than they did us. Is this feeling of doom really necessary and warranted?

Politics isn’t helping. The US presidential primary race has done a very good job of demonstrating the Dilbert principle of the least qualified rising to the top. If Scott Adams were to illustrate the current nominees, he’d have nothing but a row of pointy-haired bosses lined up making excuses and blaming everyone else for all the world’s problems, making the most bizarre and nonsensical statements, each trying to outdo the other’s stupidity. Given that from this set of clowns we are destined to choose our next president, it is difficult to imagine the next four years going in a positive direction.

Top that with tensions in East Asia. Every time North Korea lobs another set of missiles into the Sea of Japan or China sends warships into portions of the South China Sea claimed by Japan, I get nervous. I have a son stationed on one of the bases in Okinawa. It doesn’t take a great military strategist to figure out that should tensions escalate into actual fighting, our first line of defense, and offense, is going to come from those bases. Marines have a history of being the first into a situation. That does not give me any comfort at the moment.

My dreams last night played off this feeling of impending doom. In my dreams, I was supposed to be on a multi-city European photography tour, but I missed my flight at one of the stops and was stuck in, of all places, Brussels. The dreams weren’t necessarily horrific in any way; they centered on the frustration of not being able to find anyone who could help me catch up with the group. But that challenge of not being able to find help when it was needed lasted all night long. I was rather relieved when my alarm went off.

So, how do we shake this feeling of impending doom? We all know that we can’t be productive with such negative emotions dominating our lives. Is this just common anxiety run amok? If so, Kat’s continual charge that I need to chill would seem to be appropriate. Oh, but did you know that physical issues such as cardiac arrhythmia and myocardial infarction can also cause one to have feelings of impending doom? Ah, and apparently too much Nutmeg can cause hallucinations and feelings of impending doom. Anything that interrupts the natural, steady heart rate can result in us feeling as though the entire world is about to end. I’ll be sure to take my blood pressure meds this morning.

Beyond all that, though, I think we have to take control of the information we receive and how we respond to those things we cannot control. I have a list of things that I think might help. Mind you, I’m not a medical or psychiatric professional, but a quick survey of materials didn’t give me much faith in the ability of professionals to address the situation, either. So, let’s go with this and see what happens.

  • Limit the amount of news intake. I’ll admit to being a news junkie and there are times when I can stayed glued to news feeds for hours. Now is not a good time to do that. I’m limiting myself to twice a day, no more than 30 minutes each time. Your limits may vary.
  • Spend time with people, live, in person. Now is not the time to be a social hermit. We see the worst in people when our only exposure to them is Facebook. Having real conversations with people helps restore our faith in humanity as a whole.
  • Give a pet a rub, unless your pet is a goldfish, in which case just watching is probably enough. Pets have a wonderful way of absorbing our anxieties, giving us a chance to relax a moment, get our breathing back on a normal pattern, and giving us a positive feeling.
  • Indulge in a comfort food. Singular. One. Mine will be chocolate. While this isn’t a good time to overeat, the pleasure of a comfort food releases happy little endorphins that boosts our moods and gives us a more hopeful feeling.
  • Go for a walk. Again, it’s that combination of removing yourself from those stressors, getting some exercise, and being out in nature. Precautions might be appropriate for those who have allergy issues this time of year, though. Sneezing and runny noses don’t help.
  • Smoke ’em if you’ve got ’em. I know, every health professional on the planet just screamed in anguish at that one.  Let’s get real, though. If we’re all going to die (and we are), we want to feel in control of what takes us there. The pain of lung cancer is preferable to being a bombing victim because we’re the ones in control. Yes, it’s a bad habit and you really should stop. But a couple of puffs of a pipe or a good cigar can be therapeautic. And if you’re smoking green rather than brown, all the better.

if none of those work, then perhaps it’s time to consult a professional. I would recommend starting with your family doctor. Cardiac issues really do impact our emotional state and feelings of impending doom. We can shake this, though. If we don’t, we seal our own fate.

Good luck.

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PotD  /  Social Commentary
The Art Of Being Chill
March 22, 2016
charles i. letbetter - the art of being chill

I don’t want to sound like a grumpy old man, but nothing winds me up more than people saying, ‘Chill out’ to me when I’m irritated! —Martin Freeman

 

charles i. letbetter - the art of being chill

Being chill comes easily for many people, but there are some who have turned it into an art form

Like many people my age, I have to deal with high blood pressure. Medically, there are a lot of reasons for having blood-pumping issues: our lifestyles being hectic, our diets being too high in sodium, and a general fear that we might die without having accomplished enough. There are plenty of things that would probably solve all but the worst of blood pressure problems without medication, but that would require we actually alter how we live rather dramatically. We’re not likely to do that, being the stubborn folk that we are, so the doctor gives us pills that try to force our blood pressure back down to a manageable level that won’t kill us quite so quickly.

The pills don’t always work, though. The doctor has increased the strength of my medication twice before and I’m still generating systolic and diastolic readings that are far too high to be safe. Kat keeps telling me I need to chill. She makes it sound so easy. She makes it look so easy. Just “chill.” She drinks coffee and relaxes. I drink coffee and feel the need to take a thousand new pictures. She sees something stupid in her news feed and ignores it. I see something stupid in my news feed and am ready to rip someone’s head off their shoulders. I am so very much not chill.

About a month ago, Forbes magazine published a story Finding Chill in Valparaíso, Chile. The article contains beautiful photos full of the color and culture of this relatively small Chilean city. The author talks about his hotel with hammocks on the roof, the delicious yet inexpensive food, and stray dogs that will walk you home at night (not kidding). Everything in the article sounds so wonderful that I was almost ready to pack my bags and go, until the author discloses that, while there, he tripped on a seawall and broke his leg in two places. That’s a risk I can’t take. Scratch Chile off my travel list.

It seems obvious that I need to go somewhere to chill. Indianapolis is definitely not a chill type of city. We get uptight about almost everything around here. With the 100th running of the Indianapolis 500 this year, the entire neighborhood around us is anything but chill. But with Valparaíso off the list, where should I go?

Back in 2010, Forbes also published a list of the most relaxed cities in America. The twin cities of Minneapolis-St. Paul topped the list. They won because they have short commute times, get plenty of exercise, and had good insurance. Note, this survey took place before the Affordable Care Act took affect so that last detail might have changed. Looking through the other cities on the list, Milwaukee, Portland, Seattle, Denver, San Jose, it seems to me that all those cities have experienced some significant change in the past six years. Political changes have ruined Wisconsin. Portland’s population of hipsters has exploded. Seattle has become one of the most expensive cities in the country. Denver won a Super Bowl. San Jose’s Silicon Valley has experienced a lot of employment upheaval while real estate prices soared. Not seeing a number of benefits there.

Music is supposed to help people chill, right? According to the British Academy of Sound Therapy, the song Weightless is the best choice to help people chill. In fact, the song is apparently so effective one some people that the scientists involved in the study recommend that one not drive while listening to the piece. The song, which was specifically composed for this study. starts at 60 beats per minute and gradually slows to 50. I tried listening. I made it about 30 seconds before wanting to shoot something. Weightless has no freaking melody! It’s just electronic noise with carefully constructed pulsing.

From what I can tell, if one is going to master the art of being chill, they need to successfully do the following:

  • Live somewhere inexpensive. Paying a lot of bills or not being able to afford food is stressful.
  • Exercise. Being able to get out and walk without getting killed seems to be a plus.
  • Have friendly neighbors. You know, the kind that don’t fire weapons indiscriminately in the middle of the night.
  • Consume fresh food that is easily accessible. Having stores within walking distance helps (hint, hint).
  • Enjoy live, non-sedentary entertainment. I’m not sure whether Netflix and chill counts or not.
  • Have something constructive to do that you enjoy and provides sufficient income. Stressful jobs are inherently chill killers.
  • Don’t over-commit your time. Saying “no” and not feeling guilty about staying home helps.
  • Avoid toxic people. That friend who is constantly inducing drama? Ditch ’em.
  • Sleep more. Not getting enough rest is one of the primary causes of stress.

Anyone who can successfully do those things can master the art of being chill.

I’m probably going to die.

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Current Issues  /  PotD  /  Social Commentary
Recovering From The Weekend
March 21, 2016
charles i. letbetter - recovering from the weekend

It’s not that hard to imagine the natural world recovering it’s health in our absence: it’s more difficult, and more necessary, to imagine it recovering its health in our presence. —Alex Steffen

 

charles i. letbetter - recovering from the weekend

Needing to recover from a weekend aren’t that unusual, but the reasons this morning are quite sad.

 

There is, in the following words, no attempt to be funny. I’m well aware that the thought of recovering from the weekend typically involves stories of a more whimsical nature, often involving some level of drunkenness and subsequent shenanigans, but that’s just not possible. This wasn’t a fun weekend, and even now, since I started typing, we’re finding out more that is absolutely breaking our hearts. Here’s a synopsis of the things that got our attention this weekend, in no particular order.

  • Shortly after noon on Friday, a young mother with whom we are acquainted delivered a baby boy. He was not healthy. He was not bouncing. He was stillborn from his umbilical cord being wrapped around his neck. After a full nine months of waiting and excitement, her baby was gone.
  • Saturday evening, a young mother was killed when a semi plowed into the back of her car that was, for reasons likely to remain unknown, stopped in the right lane of the interstate. Her son, who is a very precious special needs little boy, attended the same daycare as Kat’s little ones and always came running to say hi when we picked them up.
  • Early Sunday morning, a 27-year-old police officer and a supervising sergeant were attempting to serve an arrest warrant for, of all things, drug paraphernalia at a trailer park near Kokomo. The situation went bad quickly and both officers were hit in a shootout that killed the suspect. The younger officer died from his injuries Sunday morning, leaving behind a wife and baby boy.
  • Over 150 firefighters responded to a three-alarm fire Sunday night at a truck stop on Indy’s west side. The fire started outside the Denny’s restaurant attached to the truck stop. Damages are estimated to be over $2 million.
  • A school bus carrying a high school basketball team and coaches from Northwest Indiana was sideswiped by a car on Saturday, resulting in it rolling off the highway. Miraculously, none of the boys were severely hurt, though there were, understandably, a number of cuts and severe bruises. One coach was airlifted to the hospital but is in good condition. What caused the driver of the car to swerve into the bus? Her drink spilled.
  • Shots were fired at a police cruiser on Indianapolis’ near Northside a little after 11:15 last night.  No officers were hit, but the event underscores tensions in that neighborhood.
  • No fewer than three people were killed in additional traffic accidents over the weekend.

Yesterday was supposed to be the International Day of Happiness, but for a large number of people across Indiana, there was nothing to be happy about. The things I’ve listed here are just a fraction of events that occurred around the world. In Spain, a bus carrying exchange students crashed, killing 14. In Southern Russia, a FlyDubai flight crashed as it attempted to land at an airport, killing all 62 people on board. A suicide bomber killed four in a busy market in Istanbul. North Korea fired at least five short-range missiles into the Sea of Japan, raising international tensions.

So much tragedy in such a short period of time leaves our senses reeling. Anyone of those events was horribly traumatic for the families of those involved. Even for those of us who might not be directly effected, the number of events is disturbing.

Sunday was also the vernal equinox, the start of Spring, a time we typically associate with freshness and new beginning. We think of Spring as a time of renewal, a chance to start over, to break free of the dreariness of the winter. Yet, with all the tragedy of this weekend, feeling those positive vibes is difficult.

Recovering from all this takes a moment. Recovering from a single tragedy, even when we weren’t directly involved, is like waiting for a bruise to heal. With so many, so close in time, recovering feels a bit like trying to get over losing a prize fight. When one is empathetic with the world, as one should be, recovering requires acts of kindness to offset the cruelty and tragedy. Finding such kindness, especially on a Monday, can be difficult.

What bothers me more, though, are people who can shrug everything off without feeling anything at all. They are totally disconnected emotionally from the rest of the world. When bad things happen around them, they feel nothing. These people scare me, for those who do not share empathy with those around them are more likely to commit violent acts themselves, or tolerate acts  of violence by others. When there is a lack of empathy among those who would be our world leaders, we are at risk of war.

Recovering from this weekend is going to take a moment. I would ask that you please be kind to those you encounter because you never know who has had tragedy in their life this weekend. We all can use a smile and maybe a hug where it’s appropriate. We need this week to get better quickly, but it will take all of us to make that happen.

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Current Issues  /  Mythology  /  PotD
Love And Loss (of rights and dignity)
March 10, 2016
charles i. letbetter - love and loss of rights and dignity

We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others. —Will Rogers

 

charles i. letbetter - love and loss of rights and dignity

Love is such a beautiful thing, so why is there still an effort to deny people the right to love?

I don’t watch reality television as a habit, so I wasn’t even aware that celebrity personal trainer Jillian Michaels has her own show until yesterday. Apparently she does, however, and having all that production ability available allowed her to create a touching video which she used to ask her partner of seven years, Heidi Rhodes, to marry her. I could be cynical and question whether the whole thing was done just for the television cameras, and certainly, since the show isn’t done live, the timing is ratings fodder, but why choose cynicism over love? The video, which you can watch here, is one of those that can only be the product of a long-term relationship full of ups and downs and tugs at the heartstrings of anyone with a romantic bone in their body. I find it wonderful that they’ve not only had such a great relationship, but that their rights to recognize that relationship through marriage have been affirmed across the whole country. This is progress.

Oh, wait, those rights may not actually extend to the entire United States. Because Puerto Rico is not a full-fledged state, there is a frightening chance that last year’s Supreme Court ruling regarding gay marriage doesn’t apply to the unincorporated state. The federal judge based his ruling on the concept that only fully incorporated states enjoy the full protection of the Constitution and that, by extension, the 14th amendment does not apply to Puerto Rico. This is significant not only in terms of LGBT rights, but the full realm of civil rights based on the 14th amendment. If the judge’s ruling that the 14th amendment doesn’t apply at all, then all the civil rights gained over the past 60 years would not apply either. Maybe this will be what pushes Puerto Rico toward statehood.

Even on the mainland, though, the fight to deny rights to LGBT peoples continues. Democratic senators in Missouri filibustered for 39 hours this week in an attempt to block a so-called religious freedom bill that would, in the name of preserving religious rights, denies rights to LGBT peoples. This is significant because the bill is part of a push in that state to create a constitutional amendment that is inherently restrictive in the name of religious freedom. The bill still has to pass the state legislature before going for a statewide vote, so the matter is far from over. Still, the fact that the denial of basic rights is still an issue is severely disturbing.

That religious freedom would be on the wrong side of human rights is hardly anything new. That Christianity, specifically, has to be coerced over time to accept even the most basic of human rights has been a well-documented fact in the US since the mid-19th century. Christianity has been pro-slavery, against women’s rights (including the right to vote), anti-semitic, anti-segregation, and anti-voting rights, and ultimately found themselves on the wrong side of each of those issues. The fact that the Ku Klux Klan, as hate-filled as they are, is based on what they consider core Christian values does not go without notice.

Yet, even among Christians, there is division when it comes to LGBT rights. I was severely disappointed when the Stockton Leadership Foundation, a non-profit religiously-motivated organization, decided to cancel Stockton, Arizona’s community Easter Sunrise Service rather than include a church comprised largely of LGBT members. How these people can celebrate Easter at all after such a disgusting display of anti-Christlike attitudes is beyond me. The Foundation had never planned on inviting the Valley Ministries congregation, but after that invitation was “accidentally” sent their attempts to disinvite and then further diminish any role of the small 70-member church were more like the actions of the ancient Sanhedrin rather than the teachings of the one crucified with their approval.

Spring is a time of renewal, of growth, and newness; a perfect time for love and engagement and all those cute emotional feels. The ancient pagans seem to have gotten it right, with celebrations that involved dancing and singing and naked frivolity. Doesn’t that seem so much better, to celebrate love, than to create loss by diminishing and removing someone’s rights and dignity? Perhaps, in the name of religious freedom, the answer is for all of us, Christian, Jew, Muslim, gay, straight, transgendered, bi, curious, questioning, Pagan or atheist, to dance naked around a bonfire together. Why? Because when we strip away all the titles and labels, we’re all just human, we’re all brothers and sisters, one species of being. Create love, not loss.

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Art  /  Photography  /  PotD
Shattering Old Boxes
March 9, 2016
charles i. letbetter - shattering old boxes

Some of the most wonderful people are the ones who don’t fit into boxes. —Tori Amos

 

charlesi i. letbetter - shattering old boxes

Looking at old things in new ways, looking at new things in old ways, both have the ability to shatter the old boxes that define how we think

I, personally, don’t use mobile apps like Timehop, but I’ve plenty of friends that do. Yesterday, one reposted a quote of mine that had particularly inspired them. At first, I was flattered, but then I felt the conviction of my own words. The quote was from five years ago. Here it is:

charles i. letbetter - shattering old boxes

Boxes are good for capturing the status quo, for preserving things that might one day be worth putting in a museum if only for the purpose of reminding us how narrow our thinking was in the past. They give us a place to put the things with which we have become bored, those things that might have amused us yesterday but now seem cliché and stagnant. Boxes hide what deserves to be hidden because, like Sinatra sang, “regrets, I’ve had a few.”

Boxes have their purpose, but none of them involve crawling inside and keeping ourselves contained. Yet, that is exactly what we are inclined to do, and one of the reasons that I found this quote so convicting is that I have not stayed true to my own words. I let the opinions of others keep me in a box that I have no business occupying. If I am to thrive, if I am to be at my creative best, then I have to not only step out of those boxes, I have to completely destroy them, shatter their walls, decimate their covers, so that I can never return.

Boxes are restricting, and I have always disliked restrictions. I dislike anyone telling me that I can’t do something. I also dislike limitations, though more frequently than not there is little I can do about them. If I had my way, 3D or virtual reality imaging would be much more advanced than current technology allows. My mind wants to capture images with depth and be able to manipulate the aspects of that depth in a creative fashion. I want to explore what I dream, to create from my imagination. Limitations are probably the most difficult box from which to break free, but even attempting to throw off those limitations is better than letting them keep one tied down.

If we are in a box, any box, we cannot fulfill our potential because potential exceeds the bounds of any container. We all have the potential to be something far greater than our current selves can imagine and there’s absolutely no chance of finding out what that is if we fail to ever leave our box.

I am happy that the weather is warming up, that an early spring may be on the horizon. With the fall/winter fashion season ending today, I have more time to explore, to get out and walk, or take a bus, and spend time finding things that are new and different. A lot has changed around town during the winter and I’m anxious to get out and explore. Getting out of the house is getting out of a literal box.

Beyond such physical acts of exploration, though, breaking down the boxes in our minds may be even more challenging. We have this habit of compartmentalizing our thoughts, which serves an important purpose in helping us keep things organized so that we’re not overwhelmed. That compartmentalization fails us, though, when we begin to think that the boxes into which we have put things are the only places those things should be.

One of the best tools, for me, is radio. Radio works specifically because, unlike almost everything else around me, it is not inherently interactive. Yes, I choose the station and I choose when and where I want to listen, but once I’ve made those choices what comes next is out of my control and sometimes that’s a good thing. When I’m not in control, I am open to new ideas, new concepts, and new music that I might not have chosen in a fully interactive environment.

I especially find TED Radio effective at helping me shatter the walls of my boxes. If I could multitask at an endless level, I would have an eye and ear on TED talks all day long, but that’s not possible. TED radio, which is based on TED talks but not merely an audio rehash, is much more suited to my current needs. I can listen to TED radio while editing, or writing, or most anything else.

The Moth Radio Hour is also especially effective at getting my imagination going. Hearing other people tell stories, often stories of them breaking free of their own boxes in one form or another, sparks my imagination and gets me thinking in directions I’d not previously considered.

There are a lot of things we can do to help our mind break down some of the boxes that are holding us back. Ultimately, though, as with everything else, thinking is not enough, we must do something. So, here is my commitment to return to that habit of shattering boxes, taking and processing pictures in different ways, looking at situations and writing articles from a different perspective, and not giving a damn about convention or the status quo in the process. Some of you may not like what I do, but consider the possibility that even that is good. Maybe I’ll, at least, poke holes in some of your boxes in the process.

 

 

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Current Issues  /  PotD
International Women’s Day
March 8, 2016
charles i. letbetter - international women's day

Whatever glory belongs to the race for a development unprecedented in history for the given length of time, a full share belongs to the womanhood of the race.—Mary Mcleod Bethune

 

charles i. letbetter - international women's day

International Women’s Day gives us the opportunity to not only celebrate women but to consider how we can improve their lives

Today is International Women’s Day. I know that because Facebook slapped me in the face with that notification first thing this morning before I’d even started making coffee. Across the Internet and around the world, today is full of speeches and celebrations for and about women, all of which are designed to be empowering, encouraging, and supportive. Despite all our improvements and advances in society, there is still no place on earth where women are truly treated as equals and given the full amount of respect they deserve.

Statistics time. Here’s what women are up against:

  • Hispanic/Latina women were paid only 54% of what men were, for the same work, in 2013
  • Globally, the United States ranks 60th in women’s political empowerment
  • In the United States alone, despite recent advances, 22 million women still don’t have paid sick leave
  • State legislatures continually introduce hundreds of bills limiting what women can do with their bodies, versus none for men
  • Roughly a third of the population in the US and Europe still mistakenly believe that women should be held partially responsible for violent acts against them, such as rape.
  • Women who work, with or without children, spend an average 15 additional hours doing chores around the house versus five hours for men
  • Internationally, twice as many girls as boys will never start school, ever
  • 70% of illiterate adults, globally, are women
  • Women account for two-thirds of people living in extreme poverty
  • One in four women are victims of domestic violence
  • One of every six women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime
  • The United States still refuses to sign the International Bill of Rights for Women; they are the only major world power who had not done so

Women’s issues aren’t always about poverty, abuse, and access to opportunities, though. Within the past 24 hours, the following stories have littered the media

  • One well-known reality personality posted a nude picture of herself on social media; almost immediately, other women lashed out, criticizing the move
  • Tennis star Maria Sharapova admitted to failing a drug test after a drug she’s used since 2006 for legitimate health issues was banned this January; other female tennis stars were the first to criticize Sharapova
  • Style.com Arabia found possible evidence of one model attempting to trip another during Sunday’s Givenchy fashion show in Paris
  • A woman in Houston shut down traffic after completely disrobing and dancing on the top of a semi truck
  • Even for the one remaining female candidate remaining in the US presidential race, it is other women who continue to be most vocal in their opposition

To say that all these situations need to change is a platitude based in the ignorance of women’s ongoing struggle for even basic rights. None of these situations are new or unknown. They’ve been quite plainly documented for decades now. What stands before us today is not the sudden realization that something needs to be done, but rather the accusation that, in the face of knowing and seeing and understanding the inequalities women face, we have done practically nothing.

The United Nations Educations, Scientific, and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) released a survey on gender inequality earlier this year. The report is long, but one can read the document in full here. At the conclusion of the report, they offer the following recommendations:

  1. Ensure full implementation of international conventions and declarations in the field of culture in line with other human rights instruments and in respect of gender equality and diversity in order to broaden the creative horizons of women and men, boys and girls, and to ensure equal access to and participation in cultural life.
  2. Strengthen the evidence base through regular and systematic collection and dissemination by national statistical offices of sex-disaggregated data in all areas of the cultural sector: including employment, education, capacity-building, participation and consumption.
  3. Develop and apply gender-responsive policies and strategies in culture that empower all members of society, taking into consideration the diversity of different groups and individuals, and the intersection of broader social factors and inequalities that may compound disadvantages.
  4. Reinforce national institutional capacities to promote equal access for women and men to decision-making processes, financial resources and education in cultural fields.
  5. Establish leadership and mentoring initiatives for female creators and heritage professionals and ensure gender balance at senior leadership levels in the cultural and creative sector.
  6. Support international, national and local awareness-raising and advocacy campaigns that tackle gender stereotypes and discrimination in all aspects of cultural life.
  7. Encourage and involve all members of society in strategies promoting gender equality in culture. This includes working in partnership with all groups and communities concerned to promote sustainable solutions for gender-equal access, participation in and contribution to culture.
  8. Support interdisciplinary research on gender equality in heritage and the creative industries that involve groups and communities concerned, and consider the complexity and diversity of gender relations and the underlying power structures. 

These are all reasonable recommendations. It seems to me that if we actually mean all the wonderful words that are being said about women at all the International Women’s Day observations, then we have to not merely encourage, but force our legislatures around the world to adopt these recommendations quickly. Obviously, that’s easier said than done with a US Congress that can’t seem to get its head out of its ass. International Women’s Day is meaningless, though, if all we do is talk. We have to put some popular force behind creating the changes we need or there’s no point in having International Women’s Day, Mother’s Day, or any other day celebrating women.

If we want there to be any real meaning to International Women’s Day, there must be action. Now.

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PotD  /  Social Commentary
Strong, Beautiful Women
March 7, 2016

Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men. —Joseph Conrad

 

charles i. letbetter - strong, beautiful women

Our lives and our society would be nothing without the presence of strong, beautiful women

We are surrounded by strong, beautiful women. We see them every day. They are essential to our lives. In fact, contemporary society could not function without them. Even though they still lack full equality in a number of areas, that in no way diminishes the important roles they play in all our lives. Yesterday, however, brought three very strong, very beautiful women to mind and now that I have a few minutes I think it is appropriate to talk about them.

Former First Lady, Nancy Reagan passed away yesterday at age 94. Politically, Mrs. Reagan and I could not be any further apart, but that’s not what made her notable. She married and supported one of the most challenging men of the twentieth century through some of the most difficult circumstances imaginable. Her husband was shot, almost fatally, and she never left his side. When his mind began to deteriorate, she was there, a buffer between him and those who dearly wanted to paint him in a negative light. She stood strong on issues she supported. She fought breast cancer and won. She survived vicious attacks on her character. Through it all, she never stopped being elegant. She never stopped for a pity party. She never stopped being beautiful.

Yesterday would have been my late mother’s 83rd birthday. Mother was a staunch conservative whose Christian belief system dominated everything she said and did. She might have been short in physical stature, but her character was ten feet tall and there was no one on the planet who dared challenge her. I remember when former Oklahoma governor David Boren was running for re-election. The Governor was tall, large, and had the ability to present an imposing figure. Mother marched right up to him on a campaign stop, gave him a look that forced him to bend down to her eye level, and proceeded to grill him for ten minutes on the need for better education funding in the state. She backed down from no one and didn’t mind telling someone what they needed to hear. Being a pastor’s wife wasn’t easy, and neither was raising my brother and me. She managed on a budget that was impossibly small. Yet, never did she lose her sense of dignity and genteel gracefulness. She was always beautiful.

March 6 also marks three years that Kat and I have been together. I had a lot of respect for single moms before having met Kat, but she drove home the concept of women who could manage work, children, and every other challenge of life on her own. Strength? She is a United States Marine. Even though she hasn’t been active duty for a few years now, that strength and determination still show. She faces every challenge with the same grit and no-fail attitude as she would an obstacle course. She’s handling school and work and children, and most incredibly, me and still manages to find a smile, to be there for friends, and impress those who watch her in action. She keeps me going, remembers the lyrics to my favorite songs, picks me up off the floor when I fall, encourages me on the days I can hardly walk, and finds ways to make me smile when I am in full-fledged grumpy old man mode. She’s beautiful from every possible perspective but threaten her family and she won’t hesitate to leave one gasping for air.

There is no sense in which we give enough credit to the women in our lives. These are but three immediate examples of how brilliant, strong, inventive, creative, determined, and beautiful women are. I could add to the list infinitely and if you can’t as well you’re just not paying attention.

Mondays are rough for everyone, we all have challenges when it comes to adjusting from the weekend and getting into the routine of the week. Consider just how much more challenging it is for the women in your life. Not only are they having their own issues with Monday, their dealing with children’s issues, spousal/partner issues, and probably the issues of people at school and work, because it is women who most often end up resolving everyone’s issues, not just their own. Don’t you think it’s about time you said thank you?

And if it’s appropriate and possible, a kiss wouldn’t be a bad idea, either.

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Current Issues  /  PotD
Saturday Morning Illiteracy
February 27, 2016
charles i. letbetter - saturday morning illiteracy

Educational legislation nowadays is largely in the hands of illiterate people, and the illiterate will take good care that their illiteracy is not made a reproach on them. —Katharine Elizabeth Fullerton Gerould

 

charles i. letbetter - Saturday morning illiteracy

Illiteracy is the one problem that doesn’t require an act of Congress to solve

I am very much aware that I am a person of privilege. Not only am I white and male, two factors in which I had no choice but still give me advantages that are, unfortunately, not yet available to everyone, but I also have a superpower that puts me ahead of roughly 87% of the U.S. population: I am proficiently literate. Not only can I read and write, but I can comprehend material intentionally written at a severe academic level. To that end, I am one of the most privileged people on the planet.

Growing up, I thought everyone knew how to read and write. Reading and grammar were emphasized heavily even before I started school. My mother, a teacher herself, made sure I started kindergarten already reading at a basic level, and this was in a day when preschools only existed in the largest of cities and were the domain of the elite. Right there, though, was my first advantage. By the time I was five years old, I was already reading better than 32,000,000 adults in the United States. If anything, the numbers were probably higher back in 1965 than they are now.

Illiteracy is one of those problems you may not ever consider if you are capable of reading what I write. Most days, for most articles, at least 60 percent of adults can read and comprehend what I write. I’ll admit, I am sometimes frustrated by having to re-write whole paragraphs to bring the readability rate into line; I want everyone to read at the same level at which I am most comfortable communicating. However,  one-third of the US population cannot read this paragraph.

Not being able to read and write at even a basic level is one of the most costly problems in America today, but yet you’re not likely to hear anything about illiteracy mentioned by the politicians running for office. How much does illiteracy cost? Here’s an infographic for those of you already tired of reading:

charles i. letbetter - saturday morning illiteracy

 

Like many of societies problems, illiteracy rates are worse among non-white populations. While a part of that is due to the challenge of immigrants even trying to learn our often complex and complicated language, the majority exists because reading is never encouraged. If one has not learned to read at a basic level by the time they are ten years old, the chances they will remain illiterate the rest of their lives is extremely high.

Pearson, the global publishing behemoth, produces much of the educational material in use around the world. They understand all too well the challenges of illiteracy. This week, they released a new video as part of the #ProjectLiteracy campaign. Produced by ad agency FCB Inferno, the claymation piece titled Alphabet of Illiteracy is a frighteningly clear representation of how illiteracy impacts our society. The campaign’s goal is to make sufficient strides in literacy so that by 2030 no child born is at risk of not being able to read and write.

I encourage you to not only watch the video below, but share it, and then consider how you can help combat illiteracy. Teach someone to read. Encourage someone who is struggling to read. Introduce someone to your local library. The options are many, the benefits are tremendous. There is no better way to spend a Saturday.

https://youtu.be/U0Ezto8HG_8

 

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Current Issues  /  PotD
Say Something Nice
February 23, 2016
charles i. letbetter - say something nice

I don’t enjoy any kind of danger or volatility. I don’t have that kind of ‘I love the bad guys’ thing. No, no thank you. I like nice people.—Tina Fey

 

charles i. letbetter - say something nice

We have become a mean, vicious, and cruel race of people because there is no one to stop us

Finding nice things to say can sometimes be very difficult. Yesterday, for example, one presidential candidate said he wanted to punch a protester. News the past few days has been littered with claims of one person disparaging another, someone shooting someone else because they said the wrong thing, and people who are supposed to be leaders outright lying about facts that are easily checked.

Social media is even worse. Descriptors such as, “idiot,” “slut,” and “jackass” are commonplace as people respond to topics with which they disagree. Do the people speaking actually know the ones they’re insulting? No, of course not. One thing social media is very good at doing is encouraging us to participate in discussions about which we know very little. In fact, the success of apps such as Twitter and Reddit depend on us not being able to keep our mouths shut when silence would certainly be the better tact.

Fashion isn’t any better. I am trying this season to avoid reviewing shows that I dislike. I’m fortunate to have a choice in which shows I cover and I see no point in putting myself, the designer, nor Pattern’s readers through the agony of discussing something I don’t like. Not everyone is so fortunate, however. Between shows, I frequently listen to the panels assembled at SHOWStudio. Participants are tasked with talking about a designer’s collection not only for the duration of the show (which I ignore) but for at least 30 minutes afterward. When a presentation is good, finding something to talk about for that length of time can be excruciatingly difficult. Inevitably, the talk turns negative, and at times even vicious.

We have become a society of mean speakers. The ancient advice of, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all,” is lost on us. Instead, we embrace what we consider the “right” to say anything we want, anytime, anywhere, and we think we should be able to do so without any consequence. Should anyone challenge our comments in the slightest, we fire back with some claim of “free speech.” Never mind that what we say may be hurting someone else. We don’t care. We have a right to open our mouths and let filth and disgust spill from them, so that is exactly what we do.

Body shaming has become a global pastime and photographers and photo editors are among the worst, not only in how we talk about models, but how we rate photographs based on the physical qualities of the model. I can shoot two different models in the same location and the same time of day wearing the same garment and exactly the same settings, but the photo of the thinner model is inevitably rated higher than that of the more curvy model, even when both are smaller than a size 6. One of the reasons I rarely participate in photographer’s forums online is because there are too many who have absolutely nothing civil to say about anyone.

Even church isn’t safe. When the Pope and a politician exchange insults, what kind of example does that set? Pulpits have become dispensaries of hate and aggression rather than sanctuaries of peace and love.

As a result, we are becoming increasingly violent and intolerant of one another. The recent murder spree by an Uber driver in Michigan wasn’t a random act so much as it was the physical manifestation of anger and resentment building up in all of us. This guy wasn’t crazy. He’s every bit like you and me, angry at society and the world. The difference is that he took his actions too far, going beyond words and deciding to use bullets the same way he might otherwise have randomly left mean and inappropriate comments on some website. We shudder at the horror of what he did, but are the rest of us really all that far removed from doing exactly the same thing?

What we say matters. Words do hurt, and the example we set with our words has the ability to destory our entire civilization. We cannot coexist in a situation where we have lot the ability to say anything nice about each other. When our first response is one of sarcasm, belittling, and finding the worst even in other’s good intentions, we pick away at the threads that hold our society together.

I’m guilty. You’re guilty. We have to do better. We have to find more ways to be nice to each other. We’ve been mean and self-centered for so very long, that being nice is going to take considerable effort. Turning around what have become instinctual responses is going to take time. Even more, we need to stop accepting such meanness from others, especially those in positions of authority and those campaigning for those positions. When someone decides to be mean toward another, we need to walk away, withdraw any evidence of support, and go elsewhere.

Being nice isn’t all that difficult. We can be truthful without being mean. We can disagree without being insulting. Our words are killing us. All of us. Say something nice, will you?

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PotD  /  Social Commentary
Food That Isn’t Fast
February 19, 2016
charles i. letbetter - food that isn't fast

So long as you have food in your mouth, you have solved all questions for the time being.—Franz Kafka

 

charles i. letbetter - food that isn't fast

Our relationship with food is too extensive to let it pass without a thought

There are times when reading my email can be a dangerous thing. Consider, for example, the promotional piece for a local restaurant offering all-you-can-eat fried catfish today for only $5.09. Yes, you’re reading that correctly. All-you-can-eat for under ten bucks. I am really tempted to go, and there’s still yet the chance that I may. The challenge is I have to walk. Both directions. Three miles each way.

In some aspects, that long of a walk is a good thing. I can use the exercise anyway and the temperatures today are supposed to be warmer so the weather isn’t the hindrance it has been. Walking there builds up a decent appetite and if I’m going to spend five bucks on food I want to get my money’s worth. Walking back helps, at least in part, make up for the fact that I would almost certainly eat more than I should because that’s what tends to happen when one is told the meal is all-you-can-eat.

The problem with that long of a walk is that once I leave the restaurant there are no restrooms available between here and there. Walking after a meal does a wonderful job of aiding in digestion, but when one has overeaten, and especially when what one overate was fried, the need for a restroom is likely to arrive rather quickly. Walking that distance takes me about an hour. There is almost no scenario in which the last 30 minutes of that walk isn’t painful. I’ve done things like this before. Disaster has been oh so narrowly averted on more than one such occasion. Do I really dare take that risk today?

We all know that the food we eat is important. There are plenty of people who want to know every little detail about their food: where it was sourced, how it was grown, what it was fed, whether it had a good life and was happy when it was harvested. There are millions of people who have medical reasons to watch what they consume. The young woman on the right in the pictures above is either allergic or sensitive a large number of the most common foods. Her food requirements are so narrow that she’s had to create her own set of recipes so she can still enjoy eating without getting ill. Her website, bubblechild.com, is a fantastic resource for anyone who deals with a myriad of sometimes conflicting food allergies. I read through her articles and often feel rather ashamed of myself for not eating better.

I’m not alone, though. Americans have been the fattest people on the planet for some time now, and our relationship with food extends beyond a mere matter of sustenance; it affects who we are, how we relate to other people, and how well we do our jobs. There is a recent article in the New York Times wherein Charles Schwab CEO Walt Bettinger talks about how he invites job applicants to breakfast and has the restaurant intentionally mess up their order. He tells reporter Adam Bryant:

“I do that because I want to see how the person responds.That will help me understand how they deal with adversity. Are they upset, are they frustrated or are they understanding? Life is like that, and business is like that. It’s just another way to get a look inside their heart rather than their head.”

Bettinger doesn’t say whether he counts the applicant’s cholesterol or sugar intake at that meal, but he has a point. What we want to eat can affect our temperament and getting an order wrong isn’t the worst thing that can happen in a restaurant.

I can remember occasionally going to restaurants with my parents when I was small. Back then, few, if any, items on the menu were prepared in advance. One reason we seldom ate out was because there would inevitably be a twenty- to thirty-minute wait between the time we placed our order and food actually arrived. Salads were encouraged not because they were healthy (they weren’t by the time we ladled several ounces of dressing on them), but because they gave us something to do while waiting on our entrees. If salads weren’t available, my parents were challenged with trying to keep two young boys occupied. We were forbidden from ordering anything that might extend our wait, such as fried chicken. The fact that the food was not going to be fast forced us to think carefully not only about what we wanted to eat, but where we sat, how we dressed, and whether we invited guests.

Food is serious. When I’m planning our menus here at home I have to take into consideration matters such as the amount of fruit the kids have had that day, are they getting enough vegetables, are the textures so challenging that they override the taste? If I get it wrong, we not only have cranky little people on our hands, but I’m also impacting their future relationship with that particular food. They’re both at an age where their opinions of food now affect their dietary choices for most their adolescence. For the moment, they love steamed veggies, but if I don’t prepare those carefully they’ll stop eating them and won’t try them again for several years. Remember, I have three that are grown. We’ve been through this before.

Taking time to think about our food before we eat brings us closer to making healthier choices. After all this, will I still have the catfish? Maybe, but if I do I am less likely to go full-tilt on the all-you-can-eat and will adjust my other meals to compensate for any errors in judgement I may make. Not giving in to the fast food convenience allows all of us to enjoy our food more, to make meals more of an experience rather than an automatic habit. We may not always make the most healthy choices, but we are less likely to make really horrible ones.

You know, I could use the exercise. Maybe I’ll just have the veggie tray instead.

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