Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep. —Fran Drescher
Having oral sex with your coffee might sound wonderful at first, but there could be some serious problems
This was one of those rare mornings where I couldn’t really find a topic that inspired me in any way. Yes, there is plenty of important news, but it was either on topics of which I have little knowledge or wholly political which I’m just not in the mood to engage. Then, I came across a snippet that led me to an article in Maxim, which led me to an article in Playboy, which led me to a news story in The Mirror. They’re all talking about a coffee shop in Geneva, Switzerland that hasn’t even opened yet. The coffee shop is called Facegirl and if you want to go there, expect long lines (at least at first) and high prices.
A cup of coffee at Facegirl will set you back about $55.55 (based on this morning’s exchange rate). I know, that seems rather high. However, the reason for that high price is not because of the coffee but because of the “extra” service that comes with it: oral sex. At first glance, the sex addicted and adventurous among us might think that this is a great idea. I can imagine some are already checking the price of airline tickets to Geneva. If there are two things people love it is oral sex and coffee. Bringing the two together sounds like the ultimate experience.
Well, maybe. By the time I finished all the associated articles, I was beginning to have some questions. Big ones.
Contents May Be Hot
From the very outset, spillage has to be a significant concern and I see no mention in any of the articles how this danger might be offset. No one likes lukewarm coffee, so that’s not really an option. At the same time, we’ve seen numerous lawsuits against places whose hot coffee spilled on a customer. Serving coffee at just the right temperature is a delicate thing. One has to be careful in the consumption of hot beverages.
Now, mix that hot beverage with a sexual activity whose sole purpose is to create pleasure. One does not sit daintily in a chair while being brought to the point of orgasm. If such activity does not cause one to roll their eyes back and lose control of some faculties, someone’s not doing a good job. The potential for danger here is considerable. One might dump hot coffee in their own lap. Ouch. One might spill coffee on their temporary partner. Still not good. With the potential for scalding so extreme, lawsuits alone might close the cafe within weeks of its opening.
I suppose there might be some solutions here. Lids on the cups are a must. Secure cup holders are probably a good idea, too. No one wants to risk bumping a table and sending a cup of hot liquid tumbling the wrong direction. Plenty of space between seats is necessary to prevent one from accidently causing harm to a neighboring customer as well. Even with all those precautions, though, the danger for serious burns still exists. I don’t see any way to totally guard against spilling.
Just A Bit Sexist
While the term “oral sex” is preferred, other descriptions of the services offered at Facegirl make it rather clear that men are the target audience. Granted, there’s nothing saying that women can’t get the same oral service. However, all the service providers, at least those mentioned in the articles, are women. If one is lesbian or bisexual then there’s not as much of a problem. Straight women, unfortunately, seem to be out of luck.
Granted, male service providers might yet be added. The opening date for Facegirl has been kept as to a nebulous “end of the year” timeframe. That gives Facegirl’s owners (which are all male) time to consider how best to service a female clientele that might actually become a dominant part of their business. Women are certainly more unsatisfied by the lack of oral attention provided by their male partners. Â Women also, generally, Â are able to enjoy oral sex much more than men. Give them a place that provides quality service with a quality cappuccino and they won’t think twice about dropping $55.
A Little Privacy, Please
Interior design is a big deal in coffee shops. The wrong design can keep customers hanging out and re-ordering drinks, or can send them hurrying out the door. Companies such as Starbucks and Caribou Coffee have spent millions of dollars studying and refining their interior design. I’ve looked over all the articles and find no mention of just how Facegirl is going to approach that issue, and yes, it really does matter.
Coffee shops are generally open spaces. A sense of community is critical to building a strong customer base. Yet, not too many of us are exhibitionists. Walking into a coffee shop to the sight of half-dozen overweight old men getting blowjobs is probably not welcoming to a large number of people. Something tells me an  open floor plan isn’t going to work well.
Privacy might be the make-or-break point here. Being able to serve a high volume of people is going to be critical to profitability. How does one maximize the space while still affording the guests both comfort and privacy? Setting people in dark booths with sticky floors is less than appealing. If the setting isn’t pleasing and maintenance of the facility top-notch, this could quickly dissolve into a seedy dive that no one wants to visit.
My, What An Interesting Growth You Have There
Three words: sexually transmitted diseases. Prostitution is legal in Switzerland. Service providers have to be registered and part of that oversight involves regular testing. The likelihood of transferring a disease from provider to guest is relatively small. However, I can’t imagine that Facegirl is going to test its guests. I suppose they could do a quick pinprick that would check for the most common diseases. But any serious testing would take hours.
The disease factor is the one issue that the coffee shop is going to find the most difficult to control. In addition to STDs, other communicable diseases are likely to be easily transferred  in such an environment. Think Ebola. Facegirl is going to draw a lot of international tourists and with international tourism, no matter what the business, comes the risk of spreading communicable disease. This is how plagues get started. The service being provided, no matter how careful they are, still involves bodily fluids. Bodily fluids are one of the primary ways in which communicable diseases spread.
Walk in for a cup of coffee and walk out with a smile that might kill you.
Sharing Isn’t Always Caring
We’re all for sexual openness, having multiple partners, group sex, and all the fun that goes along with varied sexual activities. We’re also in favor of sharing coffee with intimate friends. We don’t really go for a lot of restrictions around here. However, we are very careful in vetting with whom we choose to play.
The more I think about it, an open coffee shop, where one cannot control the clientele, seems like a very dangerous place to set up any manner of sexual activity. The risks and dangers are high compared to the few minutes of pleasure one might receive. There are a lot of questions for which I’m not finding answers.
I still like the basic premise, though. Maybe we’ll give the whole coffee and blowjob thing a try … if we can keep the cats and the kids from interfering. Yeah, it’s not likely to happen.
Domestic Violence Intervention
This is not love. It is a crime, … You can’t look the other way just because you have not experienced domestic violence with your own flesh. — Salma Hayek
When Kat witnessed domestic violence taking place, she stepped in to stop it. Not every response was so helpful.
One thing I’ve learned having US Marines in my life is that they are not passive. When they see a situation that requires immediate attention, they act; it’s in their nature, a part of their training that never leaves.
That response kicked in yesterday while Kat was on her way home. Coming up to the intersection at 30th and Kessler, on the West side of Indianapolis, she found a small car sitting a couple of spaces back from the traffic light, not moving. As she watched, she saw the male passenger grab the female driver by the hair, pull her across to his side of the car, and bang her head against the window. That was all she needed to see.
Kat pulled around in front of the car so it could not easily leave and rescued the woman who was being beaten, removing her from the car to a position of safety outside. As they were calling 911 for help, the male passenger moved to the driver’s seat and stole the car, swerving around Kat and speeding away, leaving the woman stranded.
IMPD was there almost immediately, two female officers well equipped to handle the situation. They took statements from both Kat and the victim. As part of standard procedure, the officers warned Kat that what she did was dangerous, that she should have called 911 rather than stopping. We’ve both heard that line before. The risks are real, but the immediate risk to the woman’s life was greater.
But then …
As the officers were sending Kat on her way, one rather wryly made the statement, “Don’t worry, it’s just drugs and prostitution.”
Kat’s anger seethed. She knew better than to confront the officer right there and came on home. Nothing she could say at that particular moment would help the situation. She knew, though, that the woman wasn’t likely to get the help she needed.
Women across the country were outraged last week when a California judge let a former Stanford swimmer get off on a rape charge with only a six-month sentence, of which he’ll only likely serve three months. The story illustrates just how deeply ingrained the rape and abuse cultures have become in our society. Despite numerous ad campaigns attempting to draw attention to the issue, and even mandatory classes on many college campuses addressing date rape and matters of consent, the justice system itself, and even some in law enforcement still holds to the demeaning and outdated concept that someone’s actions, gender, style of dress, state of sobriety, or occupation naturally leaves them open to and even deserving of domestic violence, abuse, and even workplace violence.
Too often, and for too many years, our society has tolerated the lame excuse, “She was asking for it.” I cannot imagine the mind of any intelligent and critically reasoning person ever believing such a horrendous statement. Who asks to be abused? What person asks to have their hair pulled, their body dragged across a car and their head ferociously beaten against a window? In what insane universe could those actions of violence ever be justified?
Look at the numbers
Domestic violence is one of the most serious issues facing our country, but one which very few want to discuss, and even fewer of us are willing to get involved. Take a look at these statistics:
The rate of incidents is appalling and in a country that is serious about stopping the ever-increasing rate of crimes such as mass shootings we should be looking at those with a history of witnessing or being involved in domestic violence as the primary source. If we want a safer America, we first have to start with safer homes, safer relationships, and a justice system that punishes the perpetrator, not the victim.
A little respect, please
As disappointing as the officer’s statement was yesterday, such a lack of respect is not unusual. Kat listened in on the 911 conversation and found the operator dismissive and condescending, as though she didn’t feel the need to take the crime seriously. Others have reported similar 911 experiences where operators either delayed in sending help, or downplayed the severity of the situation.
Let’s get this straight right now: NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED! Prostitutes are not asking for it. Drug addicts are not asking for it. Drunks are not asking for it. Women who dress in short skirts, high heels, or low-cut dresses are not asking for it. Strippers are not asking for it. Female bartenders are not asking for it. Housewives who burn dinner are not asking for it. Children who are loud and noisy are not asking for it. Homeless people are not asking for it. Mentally or emotionally incapacitated people are not asking for it. Elderly people are not asking for it. Those who disagree with you are not asking for it. Those who challenge a presidential candidate are not asking for it.
NO ONE IS ASKING FOR IT!
The woman Kat helped yesterday was almost certainly involved with some form of controlled substance. That does not exclude her, however, from the protection and respect that every human being deserves! Even if the woman is a prostitute, she still does not deserve to be beaten. She deserves respect, she deserves the same help you would want for your own wife or daughter.
We must end this culture where we think that anyone deserves to be treated with violence of any kind. What people deserve is compassion, sympathy, and love.
One More Thing
Before I end, let me say that we know domestic violence takes many forms and that getting away from that violence is often not easy. If you live in Indiana and need help, there is someone you can call:
800.332.7385
The members of the Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence (icdavinc.org) will do their best to help you change your situation and find safety. As always, if you feel your life is in immediate danger, call 911.
What Kat did yesterday involves a high level of risk and is not the type of intervention I recommend for most people. Kat is a highly trained and experienced United States Marine. The action she took may have saved a life. We don’t question the quality of that life or judge the woman in any way. She deserves to live free of violence just as much as you or I. We hope she gets all the help she needs.
And thank you, Kat, for being brave enough to intervene. I love you.
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