I’m not trying to be sexy. It’s just my way of expressing myself when I move around. —Elvis Presley
If there’s too fine a line between what’s sexy and what’s porn, it’s because we fail to understand the difference
I was awakened early this morning by the sound of gunshots. Three of them. Within a block of the house. Money is tight. None of the kids are doing as well in school as I’d like (though, the six-year-old reading at a third-grade level is nice). New York Fashion Week starts on Thursday. Of all the things I have to worry about, being sexy isn’t one of them. I’m an old man. I gave up trying to be sexy a long time ago.
Some people do accuse me of shooting porn, though. The image above probably doesn’t help that reputation any. There’s a partial view of a penis in that picture. Exposed breasts are artistic but a penis is pornographic. I’ve been trying to figure out that illogical double-standard for years. We think we know what is sexy, but we have no real concept of when something crosses the line between what is sexy and what is porn. Our publicly stated opinions tend to be rather insincere compared to our personal actions.
Being sexy is a marketing tactic, whether corporate or personal. Sexy is what one uses to get people to notice something or someone. Being flirtatious and suggestive is an advertising campaign that promises something it probably won’t deliver. At least, not to you. Porn takes something sexy and pushes it past our comfort level for public consumption. Anything that makes us uncomfortable must be wrong. But wait, we want to see more. We are so very messed up.
Lingerie Is Sexy, Not Porn
I am not a fan of advertising review boards. The US doesn’t exactly have one, though the FCC’s broadcast standards and a handful of laws tend to act in that capacity. Several European countries have such entities, though, as does Australia, and they frequently have difficulty discerning between what is publicly acceptable (sexy), and what is not (porn). These committees tend to make a lot of mistakes. We’re guessing they can’t tell their ass from a hole in the ground. The latest piece of insanity comes from Australia where the Australian Advertising Standards Bureau banned an ad for Australian lingerie brand Bras N Things. They consider the ad pornographic. Here, take a look:
Here’s a sample of what the board had to say about the ad:
“They were not merely modeling the underwear, they were moving suggestively, gyrating and looking lasciviously at the camera—like a very amateur porn movie. It was a demeaning and embarrassing display. It was vulgar, unsuitable for the young and simply demeaning for any woman walking past.”
You know, I think they said the exact same thing about Elvis Presley back in the 1950s. That gyrating. That snarl thing he did with his lip. Lord knows his moves were much too suggestive. His music must have been vulgar, unsuitable for the young. Funny how that turned into him being a legend by the time he died in 1974.
Just because something causes one to feel a little tingle in their pants doesn’t make it wrong and certainly is no reason to label it pornography. When something stirs the pleasure senses in your body, perhaps one would do well to go with it rather than pull out the chastening rod.
One Model’s Opinion
The model in the Bras N Things ad is Simone Holtznagel, a former Australia’s Next Top Model contestant. I don’t know if she had any financial stake in the company, but she didn’t take kindly to the censorship of her ad. In fact, she took it rather personally. Her rant on Instagram is a little difficult to decipher if one doesn’t read emoji well, but here’s the full thing:
The best part comes right smack in the middle of the tirade:
Do not impress your insecurities on me, whether physical or sexual. But by saying my body, just comfortably being my body, is somehow ‘wrong’ or ‘dirty’ you are insulting and potentially damaging any woman who may identify with me. Keep your neuroses off my body and go watch some REAL porn, you might be less uptight.
I have to agree with her. Watching porn might make a lot of people less uptight. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if they would at least try?
A Different Model’s Opinion
At the same time, a different model was writing an op-ed piece for the Wall Street Journal (paywall) with the assistance of her rabbi, decrying everything that made her famous in the first place. This piece of sanctimoniously self-righteous vomit is about as disingenuous as anything I’ve ever read. The model wants everyone to “stop indulging porn” because disgraced politician Anthony Wiener can’t keep Oscar Meyer in his pants.
Mind you, this model, who appeared 15 times on the cover of Playboy and is practically unrecognizable wearing anything other than a swimsuit, has made some decisions in her life that are quite likely haunting her. She has hepatitis B, among other things, contracted through her own personal actions; choices she made. She has had multiple cosmetic surgeries, not all of which have gone well. Her use of illicit drugs and alcohol is legendary. Now that she’s no longer in demand, over 60, and facing mortality, she wants to recant. So, she’s blaming porn.
I’m sorry, but Ms. Anderson’s problems, and those of Mr. Wiener, are not the fault of porn any more than the Bras N Things ad is too sexy. Blaming porn for one’s own personal actions, choices one makes with full knowledge and awareness of the consequences, is rather like blaming arson on the existence of matches. Bashing porn doesn’t make one sexy. Or interesting. Or morally righteous.
Knowing The Difference
There is a difference between something that’s sexy and something that’s porn. Sexy is an attitude, it’s a part of someone’s demeanor, a level of confidence that is comfortable not only with their sexuality but with the concept of sex as a whole. People who are sexy understand that the pleasure starts the moment one sees the other, even when one is untouchable and unobtainable. Being sexy facilitates desire.
Pornography, by contrast, is a sexually explicit act not done so much for one’s own pleasure but more for the pleasure of others. Titillating is the word some like to use, though that term is not necessarily accurate. People involved in porn understand that the pleasure does not involve the person as much as it does the activity. Porn doesn’t have to be sexy, it simply has to achieve the desired result. Porn facilitates fulfillment of a physical need.
Sure, sometimes the line between the two can get a bit thin, but it’s not invisible and one certainly knows when one is crossing it.
And we really need to get over this idea that either is inherently wrong. Everything has the potential to be used incorrectly. Even peas. Two-year-olds and peas are a deadly combination.
We have a lot more important things to worry about.
Fitness And Sex
Our growing softness, our increasing lack of physical fitness, is a menace to our security. —John F. Kennedy
You know you need to exercise, fitness just hasn’t been any fun, until now
Look at the quote above and who made it and we realize that, for the most part, the current American citizenry has never been in the best of shape, and despite numerous fitness crazes we’ve only gotten fatter. This is especially true if one lives in the Midwest, and if one lives in Indianapolis specifically, we’re more out of shape than anyone.
No, I’m not kidding. The American Fitness Index report was released this week and of the 50 US cities surveyed, Indianapolis comes in dead last. This is really bad. Look at this list of areas where we are failing:
Improvement Priority Areas (worse than 20% of target goal): • Lower percent meeting CDC aerobic activity guidelines • Lower percent meeting both CDC aerobic and strength activity guidelines • Lower percent consuming 2+ fruits per day • Lower percent consuming 3+ vegetables per day • Higher percent currently smoking • Higher percent obese • Lower percent in excellent or very good health • Higher percent of days when physical health was not good during the past 30 days • Higher percent of days when mental health was not good during the past 30 days • Higher percent with asthma • Higher percent with angina or coronary heart disease • Higher percent with diabetes • Lower percent of city land area as parkland • Fewer acres of parkland per capita • Lower percent using public transportation to work • Lower percent bicycling or walking to work • Lower Walk Score® • Lower percent of population within a 10 minute walk to a park • Fewer ball diamonds per capita • Fewer dog parks per capita • Fewer park playgrounds per capita • Fewer park units per capita • Fewer recreation centers per capita • Fewer tennis courts per capita • Lower park-related expenditures per capita
Just the size of that list should be enough for us to realize that we have a lot of work to do if we’re going to improve our situation. There is one measure not on the list, though, and it may be the one that gives us a chance to redeem our fat selves: sex. You’re reading that correctly, we might very well be able to sex ourselves into good health. Or, if not good health, at least something less likely to end up in the cardiac ward of your neighborhood hospital.
How is this possible, you ask? The folks behind your favorite porn site, PornHub, have created a new program with you in mind: Bangfit. No, I’m still not kidding. We’re totally wearing our serious face here. This is a legitimate fitness program, or, at least, an attempt at one. Here, watch this surprisingly safe-for-work video that explains the whole thing:
https://youtu.be/DUFjNiusLEw
Okay, so that’s at least the way the thing is supposed to work. I wouldn’t be posting this if I hadn’t checked the thing out for myself and, uhm, … it’s not working. This may be due to the fact that dozens of online magazines and sources reported about the site yesterday and their servers are now totally overloaded; that’s what I’m guessing. When I first tried accessing the web page, it timed out. When I tried about five minutes later, I got the site, but none of the links worked. When I pull up the site on my phone, it asks for a specific code to sync my phone, which is supposed to track my “activity,” with the computer, which is supposed to provide “instruction.” That doesn’t always happen, though. When the sight finally DID work, the lag between clicking a link and seeing any result was rather slow.
In theory, the premise should be correct. Sexual activity should provide serious fitness advantages, especially when done on a regular basis. I’m seeing some problems with the reality of the concept, though.
I do encourage you to give it a try for yourself. Who knows, maybe we can start having group “fitness” parties! Of course, there are the necessary caveats. Check with your doctor to see if your heart is healthy enough for sex (mine always looks at me funny when I ask that question). Be sure to stretch, hydrate, and all that other pre-workout stuff fitness people do. Don’t forget to use appropriate safeguards such as condoms and birth control unless you really, really want an excuse for never working out again.
Sex fitness really isn’t a bad idea, and may be just the thing to help Indianapolis get off its unhealthy and flabby ass. I see a lot of people clicking on the single user option, though. Out of shape people aren’t going to find workout partners for this program too easily. So, good luck with that. Let me know how that works out for you.
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