Thanksgiving with family is great until someone starts talking politics. Let’s avoid that, shall we?
Here we are, less than a week before Thanksgiving, and this year everyone’s coming to your house. Sounds fun, doesn’t it, doing all that cooking, seeing the nieces and nephews, listening to Uncle Bud talk about SEC football while Grandma Marian goes on about her hip replacement surgery? I bet you can hardly wait for everyone to get there. This is when families are at their most fun. Cousins who haven’t seen each other in a year playing in the yard, brothers and sisters reminiscing about when they were kids, and more food than anyone ever needs to eat. I remember those Thanksgivings nostalgically, though we’ve not actually had one in several years.
The problem with Thanksgiving, or any family get-together, comes when someone says something, perhaps innocently, that reveals a political rift within the family. Almost every family has someone who doesn’t agree with the majority opinion. If they decide that someone’s statement is offensive to them, then the arguments begin and it doesn’t matter how good the turkey was, all anyone remembers is the year Uncle Bud bashed Aunt Noreen in the head with that lamp. I’m the liberal in a family of conservatives so I just avoid family Thanksgiving down in Wichita. I’m sure we’re all happier that way.
Not everyone shows such discretion, however, and if your family is one of those whose Thanksgivings turn into an annual knock-down, drag-out, pay-per-view event live streamed by the teenaged cousins, we’re here to help. Never mind that the first Thanksgiving almost certainly wasn’t a religious event and was probably more of a harvest festival. Ignore the fact that the alleged friendliness of the Pilgrims was little more than a prelude to murder. Let those discussions happen elsewhere. What matters is that you and your house survive Thanksgiving intact.
Preparing Your Home
Distraction is the name of the game in a politics-free Thanksgiving. What is important is that you remove as many possible reminders of the presidential election as possible. Tempers are still short. Feelings are still hurt. Forks are a weapon. So, start wth the simple things such as removing any political signs from your yard, especially if your side won. No one likes it when the other side gloats. They’ll be in a bad mood before they get out of the car if they see a Trump or Clinton sign in your yard. Instead, just don’t rake the leaves. The kids will enjoy playing in them and the adults will either reminisce about how they used to do the same, or gripe about how you’re a bad neighbor for not taking care of your lawn. Either way, it’s not politics. You’re winning so far.
Next, hide anything of value and do NOT light candles for any reason whatsoever. What you want to avoid is giving anyone an easy weapon. Rather than using the fine china handed down from your great-great-grandmother, use paper plates. By all means, use plastic utensils rather than the silverware that’s been in the family for generations. You certainly don’t want to risk Aunt Josephine’s hair getting too close to an open flame, either. The woman uses a full can of Aqua-Net on that beehive of judgment. One little spark and she’s the flambé. This, of course, will get your relatives talking about the fact you wouldn’t let them use the family relics and that your house smells like dog poop. Again, better than politics.
Worst-case-scenario, should you get wind that Uncle Bud just can’t wait to light into his Hillary-supporting sister-in-law, you can take preventative measures by connecting a small electrical charge to the doorknob on the front door. The relatives you like can be told to use the backdoor. Everyone else gets a shocking greeting. Don’t make the shock too hard, mind you. You don’t want to spend the day at the hospital after Grandma’s pacemaker gives her an unexpected jolt. Just make it enough to hurt like fucking hell and send a clear message that their hate is not wanted in your house. They’ll be talking about you for years.
Prepare Yourself
I’ve always been an advocate of attending family events naked. This is especially true if you’re male because, no matter how good you look, no one in your family wants to see that. Open the door in your birthday suit and watch how quickly everyone suddenly remembers that they promised to spend this Thanksgiving with the other side of the family. The only problem with this approach is that Thanksgiving day often turns out to be on the chilly side. While one can turn up the heat to a comfortable temperature inside, the frequent blasts of cold air that come with greeting your guests is going to make matters all the more uncomfortable for everyone.
An alternative to being naked would be to dress otherwise inappropriately. Pajamas come to mind, especially the kind with feet in them. Dress your entire immediate family that way so that when extended family arrives they think they missed an email or something, which is probably cousin Jennifer’s fault because she always was a stuck-up sort of brat who never let anyone play with her dolls. No pajamas? Go with something sheer or low-cut, something that shows some side boob. Again, this is much more effective if one is male. If you’re female it just makes cousin Horace’s drooling problem that much worse.
Hair and makeup also come into play here. Specifically, if you’re female don’t wear any and, by all means, don’t bother brushing your hair. You want everyone to know how hard you’ve been slaving over this dinner, staying up late to bake pies every night this week, and wrestling with those homemade rolls. Just make sure you’ve hidden all the boxes from the store before you do so. If you’re male, though, you need to go the opposite direction. Open the door with a full face of makeup AND a full beard and everyone immediately forgets that there even was an election this year. Arguably, one has to have a rather thick skin to actually use any of these tactics. Family is going to be telling stories about you for generations. It’s worth it, though, to avoid the uncivil political discussions that tear a family apart.
Prepare Your Food
Everyone shows up for Thanksgiving expecting the regular menu, which Uncle Bob is sure was ordained by God and handed down from the Pilgrims themselves. There has to be roast turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, homemade rolls, cranberry sauce, and enough green bean casserole to last until Christmas. This is what they’re expecting when they come to your house. This, however, is not what you’re going to give them. Trust me, altering the menu is the quickest and easiest way to direct the conversation away from politics and toward the food.
What’s critical here, though, is that the food has to actually be good. If you’re going to go altering the same Thanksgiving menu the family has had since great-grandma crossed the plains in her bare feet, you have to get it right. Consider trying a Moroccan-Spiced Turkey with Aromatic Orange Pan Jus instead of the traditional shove-it-in-the-oven-and-pray turkey. This blend of spices is going to catch everyone by surprise and leaves a pleasant yet lively taste in your mouth. Then, to really throw everyone off, replace the green bean casserole of death with something like Quinoa Salad with Pistachios and Currants or maybe even Whole Roasted Carrots with Black Lentils and Green Harissa. In place of all those starchy potatoes that no one really needs, try Honey-Roasted Butternut Squash or Acorn Squash with Pomegranate and Kale Tabbouleh. Top all that with something along the lines of Grapefruit Granita with Pear-and-Pom Relish and Cherry-Port Cranberry Sauce and tongues should be wagging when their mouths aren’t full.
Disclaimer: I haven’t actually tried any of those recipes. There will only be five of us at our Thanksgiving dinner and two of those are well-indoctrinated children. I did look over all the recipes, though, and don’t find anything that seems horribly unrealistic, depending upon one’s personal tastes. I may try something along the lines of the Moroccan-spaced turkey and honey-roasted butternut squash just sounds amazing. No one here is going to be upset about messing with any tradition, though.
I also heartily recommend spiking everything possible. The punch. The tea. The coffee. The cranberry sauce. Getting everyone a little bit tipsy without getting them quite drunk puts everyone more at ease, especially if your family doesn’t normally drink. Then, in states where it is legal, adding a fair amount of a certain green herb to your dishes is not a bad idea, either. No one is going to argue if they’re all passed out on the couch. Mind you, we’re not advocating anyone break any laws (much), but if you live in Colorado, Washington, Oregon, California, or some other weed-friendly locale, you can find some herb-based recipes here.
We all know the holidays are stressful and arguments about politics just make everything that much worse. When you’re the one hosting, it’s not like you can gather up the kids and just leave when matters get heated. So, take my advice and prepare for a holiday where there is so many other things to talk about that no one gives a second thought to politics.
You’re welcome.
Habitat Loss and Degradation
No Apologies Necessary
The defiant speech of the opposition is what prevents us from slipping into absolute tyranny. No apologies are ever necessary.
Raising children to be polite, respectful, and kindly is challenging. Evidence would suggest more parents fail than succeed. Putting aside our selfish desires does not come easily when one reasons on the level of a seven-year-old. We see it around here every day.
Yesterday afternoon, for example, Little Man takes the TV remote and whacks his sister upside the head with it. Punishment was immediately delivered by his mother and afterward he was instructed to apologize to his sister. Staring blankly at the television he mumbled, “I’m sorry.”
Kat wasn’t going to let him get away with that. “No, you look her in the eyes and apologize.”
The Tipster turns around, probably enjoying the attention a little too much, and faces her brother. “I’m sorry, ” he says, a little most distinctly this time.
“For what?” she demands. She’s not letting him off the hook that easily.
A long pause follows before he finally says, “For hitting you with the remote.”
Lesson learned? Probably not. Rarely does a child change their behavior based on a single event, especially when that event is not necessarily traumatic. Learning how to behave in social situations takes time and, we can all probably attest, not everyone ever learns. Some people remain self-centered and selfish their entire lives. They see everyone else doing wrong while they remain innocent. They want apologies from everyone else but are slow to give them when they are wrong. Such a trait is frustrating to encounter on a normal basis. When that same trait is exhibited on the part of an elected leader, however, the matter is far more troubling. Such would seem to be the case with the incoming US administration.
A Rough Night At The Theatre
Our president-elect has decided that he doesn’t want to govern from the White House full time. Apparently, the lack of gold-plated toilets at the White House bothers him. Instead, he wants to spend time, see heads of state, and conduct national business from his home in New York. Now, there are a multitude of logistical and legal questions regarding whether such a move is possible. However, one element was probably not given the consideration it deserves: 85% of New Yorkers did not vote for the president-elect. Being in New York may put him in familiar territory but it certainly doesn’t put him in friendly territory. He’s going to have to expect considerable opposition, especially when the Secret Service blocks Fifth Ave., snarling downtown traffic for hours on end.
A couple of nights ago, the vice president-elect somehow managed to snag tickets to the hottest musical to hit Broadway in quite some time: Hamilton. I just checked, and if any of us mere mortals want to see the show, the best we can hope for is to purchase a ticket now for a show in August of 2017. If you’re really desperate and are willing to drop $450 or more for your ticket, they’ll squeeze you in for a June performance. Getting a ticket now pretty much means someone has to die. Yet, power has its privileges and the vice president-elect was able to get tickets for himself, his daughter, and a nephew. A nice family evening out. How sweet.
Right from the start, though, the reception on the part of New Yorkers was chilly. An elected official with the status of the vice president-elect doesn’t just slip into the theatre quietly. The instant he was recognized, the vice president-elect was booed. Hamilton officials and actors requested the audience be quiet. Such rudeness is generally not tolerated on Broadway.
At the end of the performance, however, the politically-attuned cast decided to address the vice president-elect whose statements and policies as Governor of Indiana might affect many of them directly. Actor Brandon Victor Dixon, who plays Aaron Burr, the country’s third vice president, spoke on behalf of the cast. The results looked like this:
In my mind, and I would like to think that of most reasonable people, the statement was polite, well-written, and appropriately delivered. However, little Mikey (he’ll eat anything, ya’ know) went running back to his political “Daddy” and the response from the president-elect was very much what one might expect from the father of a bully whose victim had dared to stand up to him. Mr. Trump tweeted:
“The Theater must always be a safe and special place. The cast of Hamilton was very rude last night to a very good man, Mike Pence. Apologize!”
and then:
“Our wonderful future V.P. Mike Pence was harassed last night at the theater by the cast of Hamilton, cameras blazing. This should not happen!”
The response from Hamilton was also what one might expect. Mr. Dixon responded:
“@realDonaldTrump conversation is not harassment sir. And I appreciate @mike_pence for stopping to listen”
Hamilton‘s author, Lin-Manuel Miranda, tweeted:
“Proud of @HamiltonMusical. Proud of @BrandonVDixon, for leading with love. And proud to remind you that ALL are welcome at the theater.”
Anthony Romero, executive director of the American Civil Liberties Union, said in a statement:
“The apology should instead come from President-elect Trump for calling into question the appropriateness of the Hamilton cast’s statements.”
Response from the rest of the Internet was unsurprising. Those who support the president-elect started a #BoycottHamilton hashtag that quickly started trending. Those opposing the president-elect responded with reminders that tickets to the musical are impossible to get and offers to gleefully take tickets off the hands of any potential theatre-goers who might be offended. The whole conversation is as inane and irreverent as the Internet tends to be when void of any form of respect and/or self-discipline.
Hold on, let’s look at some numbers
Opposition is a necessary part of reasoning and intelligent dialog. There must always be a different side than that which is dominate. We are a diverse people of many minds and opinions. All of those opinions deserve some form of hearing and to the extent that they are presented respectfully, as was the Hamilton casts’ statement, they deserve to be treated respectfully. Any response should be thoughtful and well-considered. Such is the nature of polite communication. We cannot expect to never be challenged, but we are obligated to challenge and respond in kind.
Judging from the response not only to this particular situation but other moments of challenge, one might get the idea that the president-elect thinks that he does not deserve to be challenged in any form. Statements against articles in the media, primarily those in the New York Times show that this president-elect would rather respond like a bully, attempting to use intimidation rather than reason when responding to opposition. Consider a few of the following examples:
The very fact that the president-elect chooses to use a short-form means of communication through Twitter shows how little respect he has for those who oppose him. A polite, professional, response considers the points raised by the opposition and addresses them fully, not with statements like “Very unfair!” or “very poor and highly inaccurate coverage.” If the opposition is making statements that are unfair and/or inaccurate, then address those statements specifically. State the actual offense and then respond specifically and directly to that offense.
Our president-elect might need to be reminded that his election does not carry with it anything that might resemble a consensus among the American people. The vast majority of Americans did not vote for him. The president-elect received, at last count, 61,898,584 votes that were distributed in such a manner as to provide him with a presumed win among the electoral college. However, at no point in this presidency can or should he lose sight of the fact that his most direct opponent, Mrs. Clinton, received more votes with the current tally at 63,551,979. Now, if we were to add up all the remaining votes that were cast for someone other than Mr. Trump, including 747,993 write-ins and 28,824 for “none of these candidates,” we come to a total of 71, 000, 869 people who did not vote for the president-elect. That’s nearly ten million more than voted for him.
The overwhelming number of people who oppose the incoming administration is significant. With more people opposed to him than are those supporting him, the president-elect has little choice to not only expect strong and reactive voices of opposition and defiance but to respond appropriately. Bullies do not go unchallenged for long. Ignorance is never allowed to dominate a situation for long. The opposition to this administration is strong and it is going to be vocal and it is going to be unapologetic.
We’re gonna preach now
Defiant speech is necessary for a society no matter how it is constructed. Those who stand in opposition must take voice. When that voice comes from the position of the under served, the disenfranchised, the bullied, the beaten, and those long ignored, it is going to be loud and it is going to challenge the status quo and it is going to openly defy the authority that has stood in its way. This is not unique to the United States. Defiant speech gets things done and it never, ever apologizes. Consider some examples from history:
I have a dream, that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream . . .”People sat in stunned silence to hear Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s words. They struck a chord that went deep to the heart. Millions did not like what they heard, but it was time for the world to change and that change was not going to come from continuing to be silent and not challenge the status quo. Should Martin Luther King, Jr. have apologized for that speech? Hell no!
Speeches of opposition and defiance are rarely received well. We cannot expect that someone would challenge a presumed authority and expect to have that challenge welcomed and embraced. Yet, there is no question that every voice needs to be heard and that the collective sound of those voices as they grow louder and stronger serves to stand in the face of tyranny as a guard against the destruction of freedoms many have died to win. There is no place for apologies here. On these things let us be very clear:
We stand in opposition to those who tolerate hate, whether it is their own or that of those around them and with whom they associate.
We stand in opposition to those who would deny the rights of an individual to be who and what they were created to be.
We stand in opposition to those who attempt to define who can love whom.
We stand in opposition to those who would deny citizenship to one based on their belief system or country of origin.
We stand in opposition to those who attempt to rule over what a person can do with their own body.
We stand in opposition to those who endanger the world by denying science in favor of mythology.
We stand in opposition to those who consider the color of a person’ skin as a qualifier for their humanity.
We stand in opposition to those who would put their personal profit ahead of the good of the country.
We stand in opposition to those who would deny education and place it out of reach.
We stand in opposition to those who place families in danger, who imprison those they fear, and enslave those imprisoned.
We stand in opposition to those who would build walls.
We will not be silent. Our place and our voice is established by the universe, not by man.
We will not be silent. We will stand in the highways and the hedges, on the street corners, and on the stages of Broadway to announce our opposition.
We will not be silent. We will protect those we love, our way of life, and our future.
We will not be silent. We will shout in the face of fear and drown out the voices of bigotry and ignorance.
We will not be silent. We will use every means and method at our disposal to ensure that this country of the people, by the people, and for the people shall never disappear from the face of this earth.
We are the opposition. We are 71, 000, 869 strong and we will not go away, we will not be quiet.
So, Mr. President-elect, take your pettiness, your shallow offense, your whining children, and the ignorance that follows you and prepare to be opposed. We will not back down. We will not give up.
And we will NEVER apologize.
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