Being without my primary PC for a few days has given me the opportunity to really get to know some of the photo editing software on my Chromebook. Adobe Lightroom is workable though cumbersome, especially if an image only needs basic edits. The biggest issue is trying to select anything with this damn touchpad that’s overly sensitive. I also don’t like how it saves images tucked away in its own little folder that’s difficult to find and navigate.
The images you see on this page, though, were edited in PS Express. Dear Adobe: WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS EVEN EXIST? It doesn’t remove backgrounds or select objects as well as Lightroom. It doesn’t create layers that can be manipulated. It has no function for smoothing skin. Its “healing” tool is ridiculously inadequate. And what the fuck is anyone supposed to do with those overlays? I’m sorry, the “stickers” function is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen.
Take the image above for example. This was shot in a friend’s studio and I knew when I shot it that I would have to replace the background. I was able to successfully do that back in 2021 using the full version of Photoshop. But sitting here on the Chromebook, I don’t have access to those finished images. I took a look and thought maybe I could at least get rid of the “backstage” elements on the right-hand side of the picture. Nope. I tried every method that is suggested and all I got was a fucking mess.
So, I tried this one:
This time, I was able to largely eliminate the unsightly “backstage” elements, but skin smoothing would have been a lot of help, and every time I tried the “healing” function it failed to the point of putting body parts where body parts aren’t supposed to be. I ended up adding a white bokeh overlay just to break up the monotony of a badly processed image.
Images shot on black backgrounds fared a lot better, but the inability to control layers, setting exactly how the overlay should relate to the base image, was a problem. With this one, we reduced the opacity of the smoke and then raised the contrast of the whole image, because you can’t separate the fucking layers. Layers are a basic function of Photoshop and to use the Photoshop name on this software and not include layers is one of the stupidest moves I’ve seen Adobe make.
I just… adding a lens flare is a basic Photoshop technique, but to do it correctly requires adjusting the blending qualities of the fucking layer! No one in their right mind just plops a lens flare over the top of an image and calls it a day! I spent well over an hour playing around with different adjustment settings trying to get this to look decent and what you see here is as close as I could get. It’s pathetic.
What I’d like to know is how much of the functionality is removed in order to get the software to work on the ChromeOS system. Something tells me that if I were on an AppleOS laptop the results would be considerably different.
Of course, if I were on a Windows system, I’d just use PS. The real one. This “Express” shit is a lousy substitute.
Dealing With Adobe’s New ToS
How to keep your work from being stolen
Creatives are giving Adobe Systems a hard time over the most recent changes to their Terms of Service. Most specifically, the broad language of the contract infers that the billion-dollar company could steal and sublicense your images any time they wish. Tech magazine CNET addresses the issue here, and Adobe attempts to clarify here. I’m not sure either explanation is going to be adequate for hardcore and professional users, though, especially anyone working under an NDA. So, starting with the image above, I have some tips to help prevent Adobe, or almost anyone else for that matter, from stealing your work.
Don’t be overly amazing in what you do
See that image up there? It’s a nice image, I think. It’s pleasant to look at and what few flaws it has are easily overlooked by the average person. There’s nothing exceptionally remarkable about it, though, and in this case, that’s good. Adobe is only going to reference the super-creative work being done by people that no one already knows. They don’t want ordinary portraits or standard, run-of-the-mill landscapes. They want images that stand out. So, as long as your image isn’t that one-in-a-million, they’ll probably leave it alone.
Don’t overdo the EXIF data
One of the ways Adobe chooses the photos it wants is by scanning for keywords and specific EXIF data. If you don’t fill it out, which in most cases has to be done manually, then there’s nothing to scan and they’ll skip right over your files. It really is that easy. Of course, if you have millions of files that you need to index, you may have issues, but do you really want to do that, Gary? Really?
Don’t save to the Adobe cloud
Adobe really pushes creatives to save to the cloud and for good reason: it’s easier for them to snoop in on what you’re doing and take what they want. Saving to the cloud is a bad idea for numerous reasons, such as difficulty in linking to them in social media apps. However, if you save everything on local hard drives (I have multiple), then you have easy access to them at any time except when you’re out at a coffee shop and someone wants to see what you’ve been working on. This is a matter of priorities. If you don’t like people snooping at your pics, then by all means, save locally.
Create images so bizarre that no one is quite sure what it is
Adobe is looking for a high level of creativity, but not so much creativity that no one can clearly define what they’re looking at. Use lots of unnatural colors, wavy lines, and a lack of definition between the subject and its background. All those are elements that Adobe isn’t going to use because the people they’re marketing to aren’t exactly the brightest folks in the art class. Make it messy and abstract and your image is almost certainly going to be safe from pilfering.
Slap a horrendous watermark on everything you create
No one likes watermarks and Adobe is like everyone else. They would much rather they be limited to the bottom right-hand corner where they’re easy to remove. In fact, you can create an action in Photoshop to do just that. Slap your mark all the way across the image from top to bottom, though, and that puppy is yours forever no matter how super creative it is. Adobe will take one look and keep right on going. Sure, other people may complain about how it distorts the image, but they’re damn sure not going to steal it.
Include boobs or other potentially offensive items
Personally, I don’t find breasts offensive, but there are plenty of people, whole countries in fact, who do. Adobe is a global company that can’t afford to directly offend anyone but its own users. So, if there are boobs, misused religious symbols, anything that might depict hate or racism, anything that makes a major political statement, anything that comes remotely close to resembling someone famous, or anything that calls out Adobe directly is safe from being pilfered. It doesn’t matter if what you’ve created is artistic. Adobe’s AI is not yet advanced enough to make the moral decision whether boobs are art or porn; Firefly really can’t tell the difference. So, it errs on the side of safety and says “nope” to anything that looks like a nipple. This makes me happy because if you’re a regular viewer, you know how much I enjoy including boobs in my images.
There are literally billions of images created in Adobe products on a daily basis. Making sure they don’t see yours is actually rather easy. The odds are forever in your favor. Of all the things there are to worry about, this really isn’t one of them. Just chill and keep on creating the way you enjoy.
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