The Nightmare Of Being An Immigrant

Current Issues / Social Commentary

The Nightmare Of Being An Immigrant

November 29, 2016

Being an immigrant is never easy and fears within that community have never been higher

The kids arrived home from school last night all abuzz about seeing their friends. They actually enjoy school most days. However, Inside their backpacks was a note that I found rather chilling. They attend a very diverse, multi-cultural city school. If the administration felt it necessary to send home the following letter, they are obviously responding to a real fear among the parents of our children’s classmates. Here’s the text of the letter:

What to Do Next to Protect Immigrant Communities

As America faces challenges in our long fight to uphold our founding values of liberty and justice for all, the National Immigrant Justice Center (NIJC) stands firmly with the immigrant communities who make our country strong. Though the president has the discretion to unilaterally alter some immigration policies, he cannot change the law itself. We will advocate strongly with the new Congress to retail protections for all immigrants.

In the meantime, here are four important things to know right now:

We do not recommend filing an initial application for DACA at this time. If you are considering filing a DACA renewal, first speak with qualified legal counsel, like NIJC, about the potential risks.
If you have a DACA, do not apply for advance parole. If you already have approved advance parole, return to the United States before January 20, 2017.
Make an appointment for a legal consultation with a qualified legal service provider like NIJC as soon as possible to see if you are eligible for a permanent form of relief.
If you have been a permanent resident for three or more years, consult with a legal service provider about preparing to apply for U. S. citizenship. If you have ever had an encounter with the police, do not apply unless you have consulted with an attorney.

[contact information for the NIJC is provided at the end]

A few things for those outside the immigrant community

First off, few of you are actually outside the immigrant community. Unless you are part of an indigenous North American tribal people, you’re part of the immigrant community so don’t go getting all huffy about immigrants. Someone in your family has been exactly where immigrants today are and they likely were just as scared. Being an immigrant in a new place, even if that place holds tremendous promise, is still frightening.

Beyond that, however, there are some other things we should all consider:

Not all Latino, Middle Eastern, Asian, or Indian people you meet are immigrants. Millions are natural born citizens exactly the same as you. Don’t insult them and their entire race by assuming that they all are immigrants.
The vast majority of immigrants currently in the United States are here legally, have been through the appropriate (and sometimes inappropriate) background checks, and are probably more conscientious about upholding the law than most of their neighbors.
Many of the immigrants currently in the United States were asked to come here by American-owned companies who needed their talents, especially in high-tech industries. Holders of these special visas, which also come with special limitations on travel, are critical to the U.S. economy. Should they all be required to leave, as some have suggested, it would immediately plunge the U.S. into recession.
Immigrants do not “take” anyone’s jobs. Rather, they fill a huge gap in work sectors that Americans are either not sufficiently skilled or not sufficiently humble enough to take. There always have been more than enough jobs for those willing to take them.

Where This Gets Personal

We live in a very multicultural neighborhood. Many are immigrants, including the darling little five-year-old who catches the bus with the kids. Her parents only recently moved to Indianapolis from New York because opportunities here were better. Yet, the day after the election, her mother confided to me that they’ve been warned to stay packed and ready in the event they might have to leave again. They are afraid to even unpack all the children’s clothes.

There are immigrants all around us. Indianapolis has been a very open and welcoming city despite the efforts of many in our statehouse to turn them all away. We rely on them for the services they provide and they equally rely on us to provide them with a safe and accepting community in which to raise their families.

Sure, there are a few bad apples. Ya’ know what, there would still be a criminal element without them. Every society on the planet is contaminated with those who would rather exist outside the law, so blaming immigrants is rather ridiculous and insincere.

Just as we have been quick to support women and our LGBTQ friends, we need to do the same for immigrants in our country. They’re scared. They have no idea what to expect from January 20 onward. Even worse, there are more than a few people out there who are willing to take advantage of that fear. Our immigrant population needs to know that we have their backs.

That the atmosphere has reached a point where letters such as this one need to come home is truly sad. This is our fault. We need to fix it. Please, support your local immigrant community however you can.

Advertising / pop culture / video

Trying To Send The Right Message

November 28, 2016

“Buy my stuff” are words advertisers can’t use this time of year. They have to go for a broader message.

I have to be very careful in telling this story because it involves people we really do care about, we just happen to think they are very wrong about some things. Please forgive me if I fudge on some of the details.

About a month ago, I bought Kat a very large and colorful scarf. The scarf was to offset the solid gray suit that she needed to wear for a special occasion. At first, I wasn’t sure how much Kat actually liked the scarf. It was one of those times when, after staring at a wall of scarves, she turned to me and said, “You’re the fashion person here. You choose.” I never know quite what to do with statements like that.

Nonetheless, as it’s gotten colder Kat has taken to wearing the scarf in place of a hat. The scarf is large enough that she can drape it over her head then wrap it around to keep as much of her face and neck warm as she needs. As an added bonus, it doesn’t smash her hair down as a hat would.

This past weekend, she wore the scarf to an event we were attending. As we were preparing to leave that evening, Kat started to put on her scarf and was wrapping it around her neck when someone for whom we care very much said, “You look like you’re about to set off a bomb in that thing.”

We were stunned and left without saying anything further. We know this person to be kind, caring, and very giving. For such an incredibly racist statement to come from her mouth was not only surprising, it hurt.

People all over the country have been saying a lot of hurtful and insensitive things the past few weeks. We’re heading into that time of year when we’re supposed to be unified and joyous. Yet, it seems like every day there’s a new video of someone berating another because of their presumed religion, or race, or ancestry, or gender.

Advertisers have picked up on the tenuous emotion of this particular holiday season and many have backed off the aggressiveness of trying to sell their product. Instead, they’ve opted to attempt to send a message that perhaps gets us a little closer to the actual holiday spirit. Sure, they still want you to buy their stuff, but they don’t want you to yell at a cashier because she’s Hindu or screaming at a woman in the aisle just because she’s wearing a hijab.

Below are three ads that have very important messages going beyond purchasing their product. If you get the message, that’s wonderful. May you have a joyous holiday season. If you don’t, you might need to back up and rethink why you’re bothering to celebrate any holiday at all.

Come Together

https://youtu.be/VDinoNRC49c

Good Times

Open Your Heart To Everyone

https://youtu.be/aFPcsYGriEs

PotD / Social Commentary

Fa La La La Humbug

November 28, 2016

With Thanksgiving past, Advent and the holiday season begins. I’m not feeling it.

With Thanksgiving over, it seems that most people just couldn’t wait to throw themselves head-first into the winter holiday season. All day yesterday, my Facebook feed was full of photos of people putting up multiple trees, videos for making holiday goodies, and references to buying and wrapping presents. Whee! Joy! Festivities! Oh, and did I mention that the largest holiday light display in Indianapolis is right next door to us, literally, at Indianapolis Motor Speedway? Yeah, it’s a bit bright over there.

In case you’ve not been keeping track of just how many holidays there are this month, let me give you the rundown:

Advent started yesterday and goes through December 24.
St. Nicholas day is December 6.
Feast of the Immaculate Conception is December 8.
Muslims celebrate the Prophet’s Birthday on December 12 this year.
Winter Solstice occurs on December 21
This year, both Christmas and the first day of Hanukkah are on December 25.
Kwanzaa begins December 26 and goes through January 1.

Depending on where you live and your religious preferences, one might toss Boxing Day, Second Christmas, and Festivus in there as well. This, dear children, is why it is more polite to greet someone with “Happy Holidays” rather than “Merry Christmas.” There is no war on the Christian holiday. Rather, people who mind their manners and are respectful of their fellow human beings know better than to assume the religious preferences of one they don’t personally know.

Of course, there is always Krampus as an alternative, but Americans have been slow to get behind the Austrian tradition. If you ask me, this would seem to be the year to do so. Here’s what Herrenbrun, Austria looked like this weekend:

What It Takes To Be Festive

One does not just exit the Thanksgiving holiday and automatically fall into all the warm and mushy feelings that are supposed to come with holiday festivities. Such emotions have to be cultivated. Expectations have to be met. One has to have a spirit of hopefulness, an optimism for good things to come. I’m not there. I’m not sure I’m going to get there.

I know more than a few people who are just natural optimists. I love them, but at this time of year, they rather drive me mad. They’ve already pulled out their holiday sweaters. They’ve decorated multiple trees. They have lights hanging everywhere and from everything, including the pets. They have hot cocoa at the ready and if they’re really in touch with the holiday, a bottle of scotch for chasing the chocolate. These are wonderful, beautiful, loving people. Yet, seeing all their festiveness and overflowing happiness does not cause any of that emotion to rub off onto me. Instead, it awakens the cynic in me, making me want to do nothing more than grab the scotch and a handful of cookies and run.

Being festive requires that either one has a sense that all is right with the world, or at least set aside its horrors and worries for the better part of a month. I’m not able to do that, especially this year. Between now and the end of December, we will have to deal in some fashion with the Dakota Access Pipe Line (DAPL). Normally, we’d all but ignore the Electoral College meetings on December 19, but this year there’s even drama around that typically boring event. And people will die. I don’t know who or how or why, but they will die and we will be sad and reminded of our mortality. I find it hard to be festive in the midst of all that.

The Cloud Of Reality

Perhaps I am the only one feeling this way, but I seem to be tethered to this cloud of reality that denies me of any chance to be hopeful or encouraged about the future. Sure, I’d love to be so thrilled with life that I felt compelled to bake a different cookie every day. There have been years where I’ve done that. I know the feeling. This year, however, to think of baking sweets reminds me that Americans, and especially Hoosiers, and even more especially I myself, are all overweight. Diabetes is a real threat. After Thanksgiving, I’m seriously watching my blood sugar level. Reality prevents me from baking cookies.

Other years I’ve been pumped to give people gifts. I’m old enough to remember when online shopping first became a thing. I loved it! There was one year I’m pretty sure at least half our gift-giving budget was spent online. Giving other people gifts, being generous and sharing from our abundance, is a fantastic feeling. Reality, however, puts a lock and chain on my wallet. Our belts are tight. We’ve already taken care of things for the kids and I’ll have small things for Kat and my boys, but there’s no extravagance. If we had a tree, it would look bare. We can’t afford a tree and even if we could, we don’t have enough space and we have four very rambunctious cats. We don’t even have ornaments.

This cloud of reality is more like a thunderstorm. Revenue was down again this year. I’ve not shot anything fun in months. The number of colleagues and friends who are considering getting out of the photography business is so large that I question whether I’m foolish to keep trying. I’ve hit a creative desert where none of my ideas or concepts are able to grab any traction. Towels are just waiting to be thrown.

The Tea Kettle Sings

My tea kettle just whistled at me, letting me know the water is ready for yet another round of coffee in the french press. I’ve been up since 1:30 this morning; it wasn’t voluntary. I’ll need all the coffee I can consume just to get me through the first part of the day. There have been too many days this year where coffee has been all that has kept me going. The sound of the tea kettle singing brings a small but critical amount of joy.

All is not lost. I may yet gain the holiday spirits, or at least consume enough holiday spirits to fake it. Kat finishes school this month. I have my youngest son with me. The dog has calmed down enough he can sleep on our bed at least a portion of the time. Kittens hilariously trip over my shoes as they chase each other across the floor. Life is not wholly void of hope.

Today, however, I’m not there. I probably won’t be there next week, either. The festive spirit takes time to cultivate and I’m stubborn ground for trying to grow anything. Maybe after the full moon on the 17th and the passing of the Winter Solstice I’ll feel more like celebrating something. Anything.

Until then, it’s Fa La La La Humbug all up under this cloud of reality. Deal with it.

Current Issues / PotD

Stop Waiting On God

November 27, 2016

charles i. letbetter - stop waiting and do something

Enough with the excuses. Get up and do something about our problems.

There are a lot of things going on in the world right now that can be upsetting. The situation at Standing Rock seems to be coming to a head. Many are concerned about choices being made as the new presidential administration begins to take place and some are still trying to prevent it from happening at all.

At the same time, an East Congo militia kills 30 from a rival tribe. Militants kidnap six Pakistanis working for a Polish oil firm. Daesh appears to have used ‘chemical gas’ against Syrian rebels. Then, there’s the increasingly complex and anxiety-ridden situation with Russia.

If that’s not enough for you, there are still the omnipresent issues of hunger, homelessness, poverty, education, debt, and access to healthcare. Those have been with us my entire life and show absolutely no sign of going away no matter who is President or what new programs Congress might trot out.

What might be most disturbing, however, are situations like this one reported by Reuters this morning:

Hateful letters sent anonymously to three mosques in California with a warning that President-elect Donald Trump would “cleanse” the United States of Muslims have stirred fears among congregants, a community leader said on Saturday.

Hussam Ayloush, executive director of the Los Angeles chapter of the Council on American-Islamic Relations, said the letters were identical and were postmarked as being sent from Santa Clarita just north of Los Angeles.

Ayloush said his group is considering asking the Federal Bureau of Investigation to look into the letters, which he believes were sent to other mosques aside from the three that received them earlier this week.

The increasing number of events such as this one is extremely worrisome. What frustrates me to no end, however, is when I look at the comments below every last one of these stories and see comments such as, “Only God can resolve this problem,” or “Our prayers are with them,” or “Trusting God to keep us safe.”

I get it, your belief system places control of the world in the hands of a deity who, allegedly, cares about the outcome of these events. I won’t argue that particular point at the current time. That’s your decision. However, what I will argue is that even if there is such a caring and attentive deity, he/she/it is not going to suddenly reach down from the heavens and reset the chessboard! The work of your God has always been carried out by those who trust him the most. So, if there’s trouble anywhere in the world, stop waiting on God to do something. If he exists, he’s waiting on you.

Putting Feet To The Fire

For those of you just now joining us, my late father was a Southern Baptist pastor for over 45 years. As a result, I still have several of his sermons deeply engrained in my memory. The issue of what he called “religious buck-shifting” frustrated him 40 years ago as much as it does me now. From his perspective, he would say the problem stemmed from an Old Testament verse found in Psalm 27, verse 14:

Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.

The issue, he would say, is that we misunderstand the intent of the verse. God did not mean for his people to sit on their hands until he passed out specific instructions. Rather, he was instructing those who are anxious to not get ahead of themselves, to wait until there is a plan and not go off tackling one’s enemies half-cocked.

Poppa would then follow with the story of a small-town congregation that was woefully worried about a bar that had opened up on the edge of town. Especially concerned were the women of the church whose husbands, they feared, might start sneaking out of the house at night to go drinking at the bar. The women started praying that God would burn the bar to the ground. They prayed, and prayed, and prayed, but nothing ever happened. Making matters worse, the women began to see their fears materialize as more men would find an excuse to slip out and have a drink. The women were terribly worried about the problem.

After a while, an older woman moved to the small town and joined the church. The other women immediately welcomed her and implored her to join them in praying that God would burn the bar to the ground. The older woman agreed that this was a most dire situation and promised that she would begin praying that very day.

That night, the bar burned to the ground.

The women in the church were astonished. “How did that happen?” they asked the older woman. “How is it that we’ve been praying for months that God would burn down that bar and nothing happened. You come along and on the first day, you prayed the bar actually burns to the ground! How come God listens to you and not all of us?”

The older woman answered, “It’s really rather easy. You see, I prayed that God would burn down that bar. Then, I got up off my knees and put feet to my prayer.”

Therein lies the problem. Too many of us expect God, or the government, or some other mysterious entity to do the very thing we should be doing. If we want the problems of society to go away, then we have to realize that we are society, we are government, and we are the hands of our deities. For anything to actually get done, we have to be the ones to do it.

Behaving Like An Atheist

While the issues we see are contemporary in nature, the problem of dealing with such social issues is neither new nor limited to Christians. There is a Jewish text, not scripture, mind you, but a book published by Martin Buber in 1947 called, Tales of the Hasidim. The book is an attempt to capture some of the oral history and folklore of the Hasidim, an orthodox sect that began in the third and second centuries. Specifically, the books focus on the teaching of a Ukranian rabbi, Baal Shem Tov, considered to be the founder of “modern” Hasidic Judaism. From that oral history comes this story:

The Master teaches the student that God created everything in the world to be appreciated, since everything is here to teach us a lesson.

One clever student asks “What lesson can we learn from atheists? Why did God create them?”

The Master responds “God created atheists to teach us the most important lesson of them all – the lesson of true compassion. You see, when an atheist performs an act of charity, visits someone who is sick, helps someone in need, and cares for the world, he is not doing so because of some religious teaching. He does not believe that god commanded him to perform this act. In fact, he does not believe in God at all, so his acts are based on an inner sense of morality. And look at the kindness he can bestow upon others simply because he feels it to be right.”

“This means,” the Master continued “that when someone reaches out to you for help, you should never say ‘I pray that God will help you.’ Instead for the moment, you should become an atheist, imagine that there is no God who can help, and say ‘I will help you.’”

Now, let’s give this a little perspective. This story is, at the very least, as old as the early 18th century, perhaps older. Social media had yet to be invented. For that matter, electricity was an unknown quantity at that point in time. However, even then, they still had a problem with people of faith, particularly, expecting their God to solve problems that were right in front of them and within their ability to address. As humans, we’ve been getting this wrong for a very long time.

What’s interesting about the story is that the rabbi’s reference to an atheist solving the problem is spot on. In general, those who profess no faith in a deity, or are at least agnostic on the subject, are more likely to give to charities, volunteer their time to community efforts and to respond with acts of compassion. Don’t take my word for it when there’s research to demonstrate the difference.

Robb Willer, University of California, Berkeley social psychologist, along with Laura R. Saslow, of the Osher Center at the University of California, San Francisco, published research in the journal, Social Psychological & Personality Science showing that compassion predicts generosity more among “less religious” people.

Three studies tested the hypothesis that, with fewer religious expectations of prosociality, less religious individuals’ levels of compassion will play a larger role in their prosocial tendencies. In Study 1, religiosity moderated the relationship between trait compassion and prosocial behavior such that compassion was more critical to the generosity of less religious people. In Study 2, a compassion induction increased generosity among less religious individuals but not among more religious individuals. In Study 3, state feelings of compassion predicted increased generosity across a variety of economic tasks for less religious individuals but not among more religious individuals. These results suggest that the prosociality of less religious individuals is driven to a greater extent by levels of compassion than is the prosociality of the more religious.

Stop and think about what this means. Flip it to another perspective and one can easily make the argument that one’s religion or belief system might actually be standing in the way of one doing any good or acting on their compassion. Again, if one is waiting on their deity to solve all the problems, they’re less likely to do anything themselves.

Zeroing In On The Problem

Religion has been a hot point in political conversations this year. The misinformation that we are or were ever a Christian nation has not only raged strong but has been the basis for an incredible amount of hate both before and after the election. While only a few might exhibit their hate in a public manner, be sure that there is hate sitting in the pews of every church gathering together this Sunday. Not everyone in the church hates, of course. Not even a majority. Still, the hate is there and everyone is expecting God to be the one to do something about it.

Take the letters sent to the mosques as an example. The person who wrote those letters is almost certainly sitting in a church somewhere this morning. They could even be teaching a Sunday School class. Their friends and neighbors may look at them as “fine Christians.” Yet, that hate still lurks. Fueled by a belief system that leads them to mistakenly think that God has given them permission to annihilate “those who serve false gods,” the president-elect’s rhetoric against Muslim people has emboldened them to bring their hate public.

Mind you, that hate has always been there. I saw it when I was little. The first time a black person attended one of our services, there were those among the church leadership who wanted her escorted out the door and off the property. As a teenager, I saw that hate directed toward a music director whose mannerisms led some to attempt to “out” the young man as gay and force him from the church. As a young adult, I saw that hate as those of a more moderate belief system, specifically those encouraged a cooperative attitude in working with Muslims and Jews in the community, were driven from the denomination in which I grew up, ruining the lives of pastors and others with false stories alleging heresy.

That hate is still there, right now, in churches all across this country. Fortunately, I’m not the only one who believes the hate has to end and that we can’t wait on someone’s deity to take specific action.

John Pavlovitz, a pastor at North Raliegh Community Church in North Carolina, is someone whose stance against hate within the church is one I’m quickly coming to admire. In a post on his website earlier this month, he made the following statement:

At times like these, Christians like to smile sweetly and say, “God is in control.”

No. God is not in control.
God didn’t vote for Donald Trump, you did.
Stop passing the buck to God.
God isn’t defacing prayer rooms.
God isn’t taunting gay teenagers.
God is not bullying kids on buses.
God isn’t threatening Muslim families.
White Christians are.
You are in control of this. You have pulpits and pews and a voice and influence and social media, so get to work.

In the same piece, he also instructs:

Your pastors need to speak clearly and explicitly into this, now.
Your church websites and social media pages need to address this harassment and bullying and terrorizing, now.
You need to talk to your white children and teach them how not [to] be horrible to other kids, and how to stand up to those who are being horrible, now.
You need to talk to your kid’s coaches and to your midweek Bible Study and to your co-workers and your church staff and your gun club—and you need to call this poison out, now.
White churches, this Sunday, your only sermon should be the one that reminds your white members what the parable of the Good Samaritan was compelling followers of Jesus to be: radically merciful when everyone else looked the other way.
You need to reach out to your neighbors and coworkers and classmates and social media friends who are part of marginalized communities and reassure them, listen to them, care for them, be Jesus to them.

Of course, those words don’t only belong to Christians, they can be said of anywhere there is any measure of hate. YOU have to fix this. YOU are the one who has to address the issues of hate that are growing by leaps and bounds across our country. YOU have to be the one who instructs your children how to respond to people who are different from them. Whether you believe in a deity or not, YOU are responsible for challenging the hate in our society.

It is up to us, you and I to speak out when we see hate, no matter where we see hate. There was a story earlier this week, whose link I can no longer find, of people coming to the rescue of a woman who was being berated in a store for wearing her hijab. There have been other similar incidents in the past two weeks where good people, kind people, people of reason and people of faith, have stepped up to fight against the hate. This is what we all need to be doing.

Of one thing I am sure: the skies are not going to suddenly open up with a great, thunderous voice like that or Morgan Freeman and give us instruction to love each other. All the relative deities have already done that through their respective books. That we are to love each other is a universal message through all the world’s dominant religions. The problem comes, across all religions, that we just don’t like to listen to the teachings of our deities.

Again, pastor Pavlovitz stated in a message earlier this week:

At some point silence becomes something else.

It becomes negligence.
It becomes compliance.
It becomes blessing.
It becomes participation.

And at times like this, it becomes fully sinful.

We can disagree on many things. We can disagree about sex and sexuality. We can disagree about marijuana. We can disagree about whether my pictures are appropriate for this message. What we must agree on is that hate has no place in our society. None. Our responsibility is to respond to each and every instance of hate that we see, defuse it if we can, and hold the person(s) accountable for their actions. We might not be able to do anything about the hate in someone’s heart, but we can do something about the hate that spills out into the public.

Don’t be silent. Don’t wait on God. Get your ass up, put feet to your prayers, and do something. Now.

Art / Photography

Strip Down And Unwind

November 26, 2016

Holidays are stressful. Now it’s time to take a break, strip down, and unwind.

Sure, we say the holidays are supposed to be fun and joyful, but are they, really? By the time we are done with all the food and all the cleaning and all the family and all the football and all the shopping we’re pretty much exhausted. We’re not interested in politics or who died or what any particular celebrity did that was amusing or annoying. We don’t care. We’re tired, damnit.

That’s why this entry is short on words and heavy on pictures. Our purpose is to plant an idea in your head. We want you to relax, find pleasure, and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Monday will be here all too soon and it just doesn’t make sense that you would go back to work feeling worse than when you left last week,. You need some time for you. You need to attend to your needs for a change.

So, fuck the politics and having to watch what you say around certain company. Fuck caring about Starbucks cups or who spent the weekend with someone else. Strip down. Unwind. Relax. The world can just wait until Monday.

Current Issues / PotD / Social Commentary

The Popular Choice Can Be The Wrong Choice

November 26, 2016

charles i. letbetter - when being popular isn't good

The problem with a pure democracy, Plato pointed out, is that being popular isn’t always best.

I’m sure you’ve been asked the question before: would you rather be rich or famous? More often than not, we try to skirt the issuing by answering, “Both.” We all like the idea of being rich and famous, though we rarely stop to think exactly what all that might entail. How does one become rich? What makes one famous? The answers to both those questions might just as likely be negative as positive.

Stop and think for a moment. How many times has the most popular kid in school turned out to be a bully, or misogynist, or racist? Or how often has the richest person in town also been the most miserly, the most selfish, and the one person in town with whom one would not want to do business? Think of the character Mr. Potter in the movie, It’s A Wonderful Life. Sure, he was rich, but his financial control over the town almost ruined it.

Being rich and famous can be a horrible combination, but either one on its own can be a blow to democracy. Most often, it is not the wealth that causes the problem as it is the popularity of a leader that ends up putting them on the wrong side of history. Popularity can cause people to die for an empty cause or keep a people enslaved.

This morning, two headlines are dominating the news. The first is the death of long-time dictator of Cuba, Fidel Castro. The second is Wisconsin’s agreement to recount the presidential votes in that state. Both contain an element of popularity to them, but at least with Castro we can look back and see how his popularity worked against the people of Cuba. Popularity isn’t always a good thing to have.

Popularity Versus Democracy

In Book VI ofT Republic, Plato lines out the philosophical issues with trying to maintain a pure democracy versus a representative Republic. Without spending days trying to explain the details of his reasoning, we can sum it into three major points:

People are too stupid
People are too busy
There’s no reason for people to care

At the crux of his argument, Plato realizes that it takes a given amount of intelligence and the time and ability to reason for one to make the best choices. In the absence of such, for any of the reasons above, the greater portion of the population simply votes for whoever is the most popular. The average citizen, Plato insisted, is largely incapable of choosing either leadership or policy correctly. En masse, he reasoned, the citizenry is far more likely to select the wrong government and steer it in the worst direction. That which is most popular rarely aligns with that which is best.

This is the very reason that our founding fathers positioned the electoral college between the popular vote and the actual selection of a president. The electoral college was never meant to be a rubber stamp of the popular vote, nor were the electors meant to be forced to vote for a particular candidate. The concept has always been that the electoral college was in place to prevent “we the people” from making a mistake based on who was most popular.

Sounds a bit frightening given the most recent elections, doesn’t it?

Popularity Gone Wrong

Fidel Castro is a perfect example of a popular leader who became a dictator. When Castro overthrew the regime of Fulgencio Batista in July of 1959, it was on a wave of extreme social popularity. The Cuban people were tired of the extreme corruption of the Batista government and Castro promised to change the system, to remove the corruption, and restore political and civil liberties.

None of that rhetoric actually resulted in the freedom the Cuban people desired, however. Castro instituted a one-party government. The people had no choice in leadership but him. Upper and Middle-income Cubans left while they could. Everyone was just stuck. The popular choice left the country poor and languishing.

This wasn’t the first time a popular leader steered a country in the wrong direction. In 1917, it was an extremely popular Vladimir Lenin that denounced the provisional government established after the murder of the czarist Romanovs. He promised to establish a Soviet government that was run by soldiers, peasants, and workers. Again, it was fighting against a history of corruption and cronyism that had led the fiery speaker to take hold of Russian loyalty and push him to the top of a very divided country.

The civil war that followed the October Revolution tore the country apart, but coming back from an assassination attempt that saw him shot twice, Lenin’s popularity only grew. He utilized his secret police in what came to be known as the Red Terror to root out his enemies. Millions died. His dictatorial reign gave rise to Joseph Stalin, who took the country even deeper into hard-core communism. The promise of a country ruled by the people never happened.

I could easily go through much of the 20th century and cite other examples. We don’t have to reach very far back to see that the effect of getting behind the most popular person was absolutely the wrong thing to do. Popularity looks good, sounds good, and feels good on a strictly emotional level. However, in following the most popular leader, we prove Plato’s point of lacking sufficient intelligent to choose the correct person.

“Majority Rules” Doesn’t Work

Americans are a people who have taken to the mistaken concept that “majority rules.” Even our schools teach the incorrect notion that what is popular must be what is best, regardless of what they know to be true. Students vote for school menu options that are inherently unhealthy because adolescents are stupid about such things. What does the school do? More often than not, they give in because, you know, majority rules.

We talked earlier this week about the fallacy of awards shows based on popularity rather than actual talent. The fact that the New Artist of the Year award went to boy band defector Zayn underscores the foolishness of the popular vote.

For decades, people bought the prints and paintings of Thomas Kincaide because he was popular. Never mind that his works were the result of a mass production scheme and that even his “originals” were completely dismissed by anyone and everyone who actually understands art.

Being popular doesn’t mean one has the best ideas or the most talent. Being popular simply means one has the ability to manipulate the masses. Being popular means knowing how to work social media so that they look forward to your pronouncements on Twitter. Being popular means having the ability to sway popular media to cover whatever you’re doing.

Being popular has nothing to do with the ability to govern justly and correctly. We’ve seen this before, over and over and over. It rarely ends well for the people being governed.

We need an Electoral College that is free to correct the stupid mistakes of the ignorant masses. Perhaps the time has come to let them do what they were meant to do. We don’t need another Fidel Castro. We need someone who knows how to lead even when it’s not the popular thing to do.

pop culture / PotD

Say Goodbye To Black Friday

November 25, 2016

charles i. letbetter - goodbye black friday

The days of waiting in line all night for a chance at a bargain are over.

I am doing well to move this morning. No longer being accustomed to standing on my feet for hours on end, yesterday’s marathon of ten hours in the kitchen did me in. My ankles were throbbing as I fell into bed early last night. This morning, walking the dog was painful. None of my joints wanted to cooperate. This is all beside the fact that I still feel totally overstuffed from dinner. After yesterday, I don’t see how anyone can even think about getting up too damn early and standing in line for an alleged deal.

Black Friday used to be a tradition for a lot of families, but that tradition seems to be waning rather heavily. I took note as we walked through the neighborhood this morning. Several cars were missing yesterday as many had gone to visit relatives for the holiday. However, everyone was back home this morning. No one was out shopping at 4:00 AM. The only vehicle out was the local newspaper carrier.

While it’s still much too early to get many reliable reports, lower numbers seem to be the case elsewhere. Britain tried adopting the U.S. tradition a few years ago, but reports this morning are that UK shoppers and retailers have largely turned their backs on Black Friday. We’re accustomed to hearing tales of chaos and fighting, but Business Insider sent someone out early to Wal-Mart and they reported everything was quiet, calm, and not the least bit overcrowded. Black Friday as we once knew it is dead. Sure, there’s still shopping, and greed, and one-day sales, but the whole event has changed and isn’t likely to return to the madhouse it once was.

This is a good thing.

The Myth Of Black Friday

Black Friday has never been the big savings bonanza people tend to think. Prices are marked down on a few highly visible loss leaders in an attempt to get people into stores. For decades, that plan has worked. Here’s a rather hilarious video that explains the whole concept:

For years we’ve fallen for this piece of retail fraud. We like the idea of sales. In fact, we’ve conditioned ourselves to not pay what we think is full price for anything. Retailers know this. So, that “full price” is falsified so that the actual “full price” looks like a bargain. We fall for the trick every time.

We also like the holidays and for many Black Friday shopping is a part of their holiday routine. Whole families have been known to go out together, setting up tents in frigid temperatures, and pretending to love every minute of it because, hey, it’s the holidays and it’s families. Retailers know that as well and they’ve pushed store openings earlier to the point that many now open on Thanksgiving day itself. Why? Because they know you just can’t wait to start the holidays.

So, while retailers may be guilty of starting the whole Black Friday ruse, we’re the ones guilty of perpetuating it and making it worse. The ridiculousness only works because we buy into the whole myth. If we actually applied intelligent thought to the matter, the whole event would quickly go away.

But Wait, Something Is Changing

This year Black Friday is noticeably different. Multiple news sources are finding that Black Friday is losing its focus and online sales surged yesterday as more people decided to stay home and shop online. Major big-box retailers, such as Wal-Mart and Best Buy as well as online powerhouse Amazon all started their Black Friday sales two weeks in advance for those savvy enough to be paying attention.

In some ways, Black Friday isn’t just a one-day event, but an entire shopping season unto itself. With online sales having grown by over 16%, brick-and-mortar retailers are having to scramble harder and getting much less in return. Last year’s Black Friday numbers were some of the most disappointing ever, leaving a large number of stores still looking at red on their accounting books rather than black. The hope this year has been that by expanding the sales as well as embracing online shopping that disaster might be averted.

Take note, though: US retailers weren’t hurting nearly as bad as they let on. Sales numbers at discount merchants, which is where most of you are shopping in the first place, have been booming. Deep discounters, such as Dollar Store and Dollar Tree are actually expanding, building more stores, and hiring more staff. Who’s left hurting are high-dollar luxury goods stores and high-end department stores such as Macy’s and Nordstrom. Mall stores such as Abercrombie & Fitch and American Apparel are at risk of having to close more stores if this holiday season does not improve dramatically, and there’s no indication it will.

Sure, we still love a good sale, but fewer of us are willing to get out of bed at some ungodly hour on a cold morning in November to actually take advantage of those sales. We’d rather sit home, surf on our phones, and buy that cute sweater online. Black Friday as a day of chaos and high sales appears to be all but dead.

Controlling Our Greed

I’ve complained about Black Friday before. In fact, these photos were first part of a Black Friday rant four years ago. Unfortunately, we lost that particular article when the server crashed a couple of years ago. Still, my point is that this exercise in sheer greed is not new. Just because the shape of Black Friday is expanding beyond a single 24-hour period doesn’t mean that we’re buying any less. We’re not. If anything, our constant consumption has taken our shopping to new heights. While the bash-em-in-the-head version of Black Friday might be over, what we’ve done is expand the scope and methodology of our greed. We’re buying more.

Sure, where we’re shopping has changed. We’re buying more from local stores, which improves our local economy. We’re buying more online, which helps the environment a little bit, allegedly. We’re still buying, though, and not necessarily so we can give to others. While the numbers vary wildly from one report to another, a fair portion of us useBlack Friday sales to buy things for ourselves. That new big screen TV? Yeah, that’s going in our own living room. We can call if a family gift if you want, but we still know the actual reasoning was pure selfishness. We deserve it, right? That sweater? Hey, it’s getting colder out and that one you bought last year is looking a bit ratty. And you can never have too many pants.

We don’t need to have a Black Friday to be greedy. We just are. We always have been. Each year, we say we’re going to give more to charity. Each year, there are more opportunities to real good. Each year, we just let those opportunities slip right on by. Why? Because those boots are40% off the price previously marked up 50$. We’re not buying them for the kids, or for Aunt Ella. Those are going in our own closets. We’re greedy.

Herein lies the perpetual hypocrisy of Thanksgiving, a reflection of much of the hypocrisy other countries see in all of America. We claim to be so concerned about others. We claim to want what is best for the world. But in the end, it’s our own fat asses we take care of. We give thanks for what we have and then demand more.

I made sausage balls yesterday and set them out for everyone to snack on throughout the day. My hope was that they would be enough to keep the little ones out of my hair. It didn’t work. They looked at the overflowing container and asked, “It this all we’re getting?”

We learn greed young. We need to get over our fat selves. Let’s kill Black Friday for good. Stay home. Don’t shop for what you don’t legitimately need. Stop the greed.

pop culture / PotD

Alternatives To Thanksgiving Day Football

November 24, 2016

Somehow, not everyone is a football fan. So, we found some alternative activities for you.

I don’t understand it, exactly, but I get it: not everyone on the planet is a football fan. At least, not American football. For many families, watching football on Thanksgiving is as much a part of the tradition as is the turkey.

Football serves a unique purpose at Thanksgiving because not only is it inclusive of many people in the family, it is also a way to distract relatives from unpleasant political conversation, something that is especially important this year. We may not agree on who should be president, but we’ll all get excited about a great touchdown pass. Football is also, for many of us, the perfect background noise for taking that post-dinner nap. It’s been years since some of us have actually been awake for the end of the game.

Not everyone is as enthused about the sport, though. In fact, I’m pretty much the only one in my family who bothers to turn it on. They would much rather be doing other things. Unfortunately, too often, those “other things” leave open space for conversation and those conversations can go sideways in a hurry. What we need are after-dinner activities that the whole family can enjoy without risking an outbreak of politics. It took some doing, but we looked around and found a few things that might just work. Feel free to add your own items.

Netflix and Chill

Thanksgiving is the perfect time to do some damage to your Netflix que. Chance are you’ve been adding a number of movies and/or series that sound really interesting but you never seem to have the time to watch. Now you have the time. The biggest decision comes in deciding what to watch, and that might be no easy tasks. Consider some of these matters before clicking that play button.

Is it family-friendly? Those who watch Netflix often can easily forget that there are no censors on the streaming service. There is a preponderance of PG-13 and R-rated films that probably don’t seem that bad but we forget how sensitive Grandma is about “taking the Lord’s name in vain” and other language issues that slip right past those of us who are more secular. If one doesn’t have children it is also easy to forget that they repeat everything they hear.
Is there a backstory? So, you’re on episode 4 of Season 2 of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. There are no small children in your family and the show’s hilarious. Seems like a good fit—unless someone doesn’t know the backstory. Remember, not everyone has Netflix, as crazy as that may seem. Uncle Ned might be totally lost coming in so late on the story and trying to catch him up only interrupts the show. Be considerate of those whose lives are not as boring as yours.
How well does it sit on a full stomach? I know a lot of people who just love screaming at movies, a trait which seems to run in families. Don’t jump into horror mode just yet, though. Remember, you just finished the largest meal of the century. Keeping all that food down is probably a good thing. Toss out anything on your list that might have the potential to be vomit-inducing. Perhaps old Alfred Hitchcock movies are best. The Alfred Hitchcock Presents series is currently available.
Is this something you really want to share with your parents? What is on our Netflix que can be rather personal and says a lot about us. Perhaps you don’t necessarily want everyone to know that you’ve recently watched Easy or Shameless or 10 Things I Hate About You. Certain titles, we won’t name anything specific, might cause family members to question your lifestyle which could be an issue if you’re not ready to come out as a closet Alicia Silverstone fan just yet. Remember, you’re trying to avoid awkward conversations. Maybe football isn’t such a bad idea.

Taking Family Pictures

No, I”m not suggesting you call me. I’m not going anywhere all weekend if I can help it. Instead, get out the Instamatic, dust it off, drop in some film, and let different family members take turns being the photographer. You’ll likely be surprised by just how much ham there is in your family, and you might even discover some hidden talent along the way.

Why use film? Because you want memories that can be preserved. Snapshot prints are less that ten cents a piece now, so there’s no excuse for not getting copies for everyone in the family. While having digital copies is convenient for sharing online, there’s something warm and wonderful about having a print you can put on your refrigerator or tape to a mirror, or tuck away somewhere to cherish. Digital photos can be corrupted. Cloud services come and go. Prints, if cared for properly, can last forever.

Also keep in mind the fact that life sometimes sucks. None of us know who might not be present at next years’ gathering. Get plenty of pictures of everyone, not just your grandparents. Even if the exact same crowd shows up for the next ten years running, it will still be fun to compare how much everyone has changed. There’s no substitute for memories like this. Find that camera and start snapping.

Stream A Little Stream

Netflix isn’t the only streaming game in town, you know, and if you have a large enough computer monitor or one of those newfangled gadgets that let you stream online content on your television, there are a number of things online that might provide a sufficient distraction.

One of the things that excited me most was discovering that A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is streaming on ABC.go.com. You know you love Charlie Brown. This is one of those shows with which we all grew up. There’s an inherent warm, smooshy feeling that goes with watching Lucy pull away the football at the last moment and Snoopy serving popcorn for dinner. In fact, popcorn for dinner doesn’t actually sound like all that bad an idea, does it?

Oh, and the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is streaming on YouTube as well if you need an early morning distraction for little ones. I mean, c’mon, who doesn’t love a parade? Well, okay, I do know a few people who don’t, but this is a fantastic way to keep those under ten from getting underfoot. They’ll stay occupied for a couple of hours and you can cook in peace. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself. Your experience may differ.

Family Storytelling Time

I’ll admit, this won’t work for every family. A certain amount of familial cohesiveness has to be present for anyone to be interested. However, especially if you have grandparents and/or grandparents still around, sharing family stories is a great way to pass the time. Perhaps more importantly, however, this is also a great way to preserve your family’s oral history. We too often take for granted that history lives in the experiences of our elders. These are stories we need to hear and to capture before they are lost.

StoryCorp has provided a means for helping people capture these stories at holiday moments like this. Even if you don’t have a video camera or recording capabilities on your computer, chances are you have a cell phone and most every cell phone has a voice recording app that came pre-installed. Capture the stories of what school was like for your great-grandmother. Listen carefully to your parents tell about getting their first car, or the first time they fell in love with someone. These are all stories that are much, much too precious to lose.

Most importantly, stopping to listen to these stories helps build family cohesion. Who knew that Uncle Bud turned down an appointment to the Pentagon so he could marry your Aunt Bea? Or that your cousin Kendra, who you only see every other year, helped author one of the Internet’s biggest mobile apps? Chances are high that almost everyone in the family has a story that no one has heard before. Take a moment and tell those stories, listen to those stories, and cherish the people telling them.

Thanksgiving can be dangerous territory if everyone’s not kept busy in some form or another. As challenging as this year has been, you really don’t want to risk Grandpa Fred finding out that Cousin Norman wrote in Harambe on his presidential ballot. There are plenty of ways other than football to keep everyone busy. Give them a try.

Hashtag Philosophy / Just For Fun

Things I Wouldn’t Thank You For

November 23, 2016

We are thankful for much, but some things we could do without.

Yes, we have so very many, many things for which we can and should be thankful. However, after the seriousness of this morning’s article, I thought we might turn the tables a bit. #ThingsIWouldn’tThankYouFor has been trending since early this morning. When we stop and think about it a little bit, there are plenty of things that we probably wouldn’t mind skipping this weekend.

Of course, it’s important to realize that what is a throw-away for one person might be valuable to someone else. This entire exercise is meant for fun, not ridicule. Our intent is to not take on anything too serious, such as the incoming presidential administration or world affairs. Instead, let’s take a look at the really silly things that annoy us. You know there’s plenty of things that fit into that category.

At the end of it all, though, this is a time to be thankful. Even the things that annoy us and drive us a bit mad serve some purpose. Everything in the universe works toward a balance we need to live. Let’s not take anything for granted.

Some of Twitter’s Best

#ThingsIWouldntThankYouFor making me get up on the roof to put your Christmas lights up.

— Kat (@SweetKat1112) November 23, 2016

Not rinsing off your plate before putting it in the dishwasher. #ThingsIWouldntThankYouFor

— Amber Taylor (@xx_amBURRR_xx) November 23, 2016

Gluten-free Pizza
#ThingsIWouldntThankYouFor

— Danielle (@Morrigan_83) November 23, 2016

Asking me how far along I am when I’m not pregnant #ThingsIWouldntThankYouFor

— Tamara Rose (@misstamerica30) November 23, 2016

#ThingsIWouldntThankYouFor The adult diapers oh well I guess it depends

— Jenny B (@layingbackeatin) November 23, 2016

A Few With Pictures

Decaf coffee… #ThingsIWouldntThankYouFor pic.twitter.com/gt0fHAlu3J

— ✨Amy✨💞✨ (@AAskelson) November 23, 2016

Not replacing the roll #ThingsIWouldntThankYouFor pic.twitter.com/M4gcD9ErCm

— #Jesus (@TheLordHasSpoke) November 23, 2016

Spitting chewing gum on the sidewalk that takes me an hour to remove. You pig… #ThingsIWouldntThankYouFor pic.twitter.com/7xUbewdc0y

— Michael J. Smith (@Road_2_Ft_Worth) November 23, 2016

#ThingsIWouldntThankYouFor

Destroying my super-weapon….. twice. pic.twitter.com/nP1BqGYiru

— Anakin Skywalker (@Marshmallow_Ani) November 23, 2016

#ThingsIwouldntThankYouFor @All_Craft pic.twitter.com/lFQdqVgitB

— AllCraft Halifax (@All_Craft) November 23, 2016

A Few Of Our Own

There’s not much for which I am not thankful. Cold feet under the covers means you’re sleeping with someone who cares about you. Muddy footprints on the carpet mean your home is likely filled with joy and laughter, or at least a really cute puppy. Still, there are a few things for which I would have difficulty saying thank you.

Spilling the kitty litter all over the carpet
Chasing the dog through the mud just before he comes inside
Clogging the clothes washer drain
Telling someone else what they’re getting for their birthday
Constantly asking how long until dinner is ready
Models that don’t show or call
Models that ignore email
Bogus photographers who take advantage of people
Clients that try to take advantage of friendships
Flat tires
Electrical appliances that stop working right at the moment you need them
Running out of scotch on a Sunday
Nosy neighbors who don’t mind their own business
Cutting the “Beware of Dog” sign off the fence
Interrupting my nap for something that does not include food, nudity, or money
Leg cramps
Shoulder pain
Backaches
Falling and not being able to get up
Not having the right tools for the job

There are always things that annoy us, but the thinks for which we are thankful are a much larger list. Have a wonderful holiday!

PotD / Social Commentary

Challenged To Be Thankful

November 23, 2016

Holidays are not happy for everyone. Depression, loss lead many to struggle.

I am struggling this morning. Rain was falling as I walked the dog in the early morning hours. It wasn’t a heavy rain, just enough to get into one’s bones and make everything painful. Even the dog didn’t like it. He pulled at his leash to get the walk done as quickly as possible. He didn’t even stop at three of the fire hydrants we passed.

I sat down at the computer with a cup of coffee in my hands and looked over the morning’s headlines. From the Dakota Access Pipeline to worries about the next presidential administration to various flashpoints around the world, I am worried about what might come next. Good is in short supply on a global scale. We’re not fighting one war, we’re fighting four. There’s a new hurricane in the Atlantic. Earthquakes around the world have created their own level of fear. Finding something for which we are genuinely thankful is challenging.

Too often, I feel we patronize ourselves with platitudes on this holiday more than others. We go through the motions of saying we’re thankful for this and that, for family and friends, but our words are empty. We’ve not really given thought to the value of the things and the people we have around us. Especially the people.

Before the course of this day is over, hundreds of thousands of Americans will understand the value of someone in a way they never appreciated before. At the same time, thousands of others will finally give up. With Thanksgiving tomorrow, today we need to give ourselves a reality check. Address the question of what it really means to be thankful, not in a religious context, but in human terms.

Thanksgiving, 1981

Thanksgiving day, 1981, was unique for me in a number of ways. It was my first holiday, ever, without family. I was working at what was then Roesch Brothers Funeral Home in Shawnee (it’s since changed name and ownership). While the university dorms were closed for the break, the managers at the funeral home offered to let me stay there and work the entire week. I was promised at least 40 hours with the probability of overtime. Like most every college student, I needed the money. So, after talking with my parents and assuring them I wouldn’t starve, I agreed to stay.

The day itself turned out to be rather quiet. We didn’t have anyone lying in state, no one back on the prep table. All I had to do was answer the phones and pick up the leaves that were continually falling off the spider plants in the windows. Around 3:00 that afternoon, one of the directors swapped out with me so I could go to another director’s house and enjoy dinner. Being part of a different family’s celebration felt awkward, though, and I was actually glad to get back to the peace and quiet of the funeral home.

Around 7:00, the phone rang. The director on call answered it from his residence, which was fairly common. Late calls were almost always a notification to pick up someone who had passed. I went to the embalming room and set out the materials they would need, then went back up front to wait. When the director came in, though, he made an unusual request.

“Lock the front door and go get protective gear. I’m going to need your help on this one,” he said. Actually, he needed more help than just me. At that point in time, I was still a scrawny 125-pound kid with just enough muscle tone to keep me upright. Another of the directors soon joined us and I was given a warning: “What you are about to see is one of the toughest parts of this job. Don’t touch anything with your bare hands and as soon as we get back go take a shower.”

We arrived at an older apartment building and took the elevator up to the third floor. Police were waiting just outside the door of the apartment, each of them wearing heavy rubber gloves and breathing through surgical masks. The aroma was the most pungent thing I have smelled, one that is embedded deep in my memory and refuses to go away. We walked in to find a gentleman in his late 60s, sitting in his recliner facing a small television, which was still on. Speculation was that he had likely passed in his sleep—three days ago. With an apartment that was well sealed and the gas heat ensuring that the room stayed toasty, decomposition had already begun. The most hazardous element was the poisonous fluids that had leaked from his body and were all over the recliner and everything around him. Getting the body safely onto our gurney took not only the three of us but a couple of police officers as well.

Upon returning to the funeral home, I headed straight to the shower and started to cry, not because of the grotesqueness of what I had just experienced, but because of the circumstances around the man’s death. He had sat there for three days with no one checking on him. No one missed him. No one had been expecting him for dinner. Only after everyone had eaten did his son decide that maybe he should check on his father. I wanted to ask why his dad hadn’t been at Thanksgiving dinner. I wanted to ask why it took so long for anyone to notice him missing from public interaction. That wasn’t my place, though.

I went to bed that night questioning what it really meant to be thankful. Is being thankful a matter of counting one’s blessings or justifying one’s greed? How could one be thankful when they were completely shut out of their family’s life to the point no one missed them at the holiday dinner? How does one define thankfulness when they’re so totally alone?

Every year I think of that situation, wonder if anyone misses the man, if anyone was ever thankful for his life. I will always wonder.

Thanksgiving, 2016

I look at the website for the Chattanooga (TN) Times-Free Press this morning and my heart breaks all over again. The tragedy of five young lives lost in a school bus accident on Monday has resonated across the entire nation. We have a personal connection here, though. One of the children attended the same elementary school that my youngest son attended. His mother is still the media specialist (librarian) at that school. She had frequent contact with the little one. Suddenly, just before the holiday, that little bit of hope, that little bundle of promise, is gone.

We want to ask why. We want to ask how. At least ten NTSB agents are currently investigating the accident. The driver has been arrested and charged with vehicular homicide. Others are wanting to blame the bus company contracted by the school system. There is a lot of anger. There is also a lot of sadness.

Cordayja Jones was 9 and looking forward to turning 10 next month. Zoie Nash was also 9, athletic, and the only girl in a family full of boys. Six-year-old D’Myunn Brown was smart, playful, exactly what one expects from one his age. Zyaira Mateen was also 6, just starting life and enjoying every moment. Zyanna Harris, 10, was the sassy girl who wasn’t afraid to speak her mind.

The tragedy is not limited to the families of those five children. Four more remain in critical condition at Erlanger hospital. Doctors there report having difficulty identifying the children as they came in. They were confused, scared, and in shock. Many couldn’t even tell doctors their own names. Hospital staff had to take pictures of the children and relay those to school staff who then had the unpleasant job of contacting parents.

For every one of those families: the survivors, the doctors, the hospital staff, the police who had the unpleasant job of working the crash scene, and especially the school staff who had to try to explain to students yesterday why their classmates were missing, every one of those families are now challenged to redefine thankfulness as they gather this week. Former definitions won’t work. It’s not that they won’t be thankful, for surely most of them will, but the meaning now is deeper, more real, and more heartfelt.

Consider the reality

Occasionally, we need to be reminded of just how precious and fragile life is. We need to remember, and understand at more than just an intellectual level, that tragedy could just as easily be ours. There is no promise that any of us will see the end of the day. We don’t dwell on fatality because if we did it would paralyze us. Yet, as we are challenged to not approach Thanksgiving as a superficial holiday whose history is questionable, we need a reminder of exactly why a day of Thanksgiving is still relevant and necessary.

There is much for which we are not thankful, and I’ll cover that with a bit of humor later. What’s important for us at this juncture is that we not just wipe Thanksgiving away as a day to over-consume, or as preparation for exercising our greed, or that one day a year when we have to tolerate people we really don’t like. Thanksgiving is too easily dismissed. We’re in a hurry to get on to those other gift-giving holidays. We think we have better things to do.

Perhaps we do well to take just a moment for sober thought. Being thankful isn’t about politics or history or football or shopping. Being thankful means realizing that everything we have is temporary and largely undeserved. Those who love us do so not because they are required but because they’ve made a choice to love us. Families do not happen by accident. What we have, where we are, what we’ve become are all elements that can disappear more quickly than they were obtained.

Ever since 1981, one of my most persistent fears is that I will, like that man in the recliner, die alone, not missed at anyone’s dinner, no one bothering to check on my well being, no one caring that I’ve passed. That gentleman’s funeral was quite small. His son and just a few other family members were all that attended.

Kat assures me, regularly, that my fear is unfounded. Every time she does, I am reminded to be thankful. Having spent Thanksgivings where there was nothing, I am thankful for each one I have where I’m not wandering the streets, or shivering in the cold. Being reminded is good. Being reminded is necessary.

Let today be the moment that reminds you why tomorrow is important. Forget the history and the politics. Thanksgiving is about now. Being thankful is about life.

Accept the challenge and be thankful.

pop culture / Social Commentary / studio nudes

Try A Different Angle On Thanksgiving

November 22, 2016

charles i. letbetter - try something different for Thanksgiving

Tired of doing things the same way every year? Try out something a little different.

Nope, we’re still not ready for Thanksgiving. Not quite. Kat or I will be making another trip to the store this evening to gather the final bit of supplies we need to get us through the weekend. Once we’re all home Wednesday evening, none of us are planning on leaving before Saturday at the earliest. That means that, in addition to everything for Thursday’s dinner, we need to make sure we have other food and supplies for the rest of the weekend. Having everyone home all day is challenging.

When we think of Thanksgiving we tend to think of tradition. Much is made of what they did or didn’t have 400 years ago, and then family traditions fall on top of that. Some people run in early morning races so as to prove their insanity. Other families spend time helping to feed the poor and homeless, which is a noble gesture requiring that one must have children who listen and obey. I have no idea what that is like. I have even met people who spend the day in protest. They find something to fit on a placard every year. I’m just assuming they’re all being unlawfully mistreated at Standing Rock this year.

For me, however, there are really only two traditions that matter. The first is to make sure there are enough leftovers so I don’t have to cook on Friday. I’ll cook the hell out of Thursday, but Friday I’m sleeping the entire day. The second, however, is to not follow tradition but to do at least one thing different; something that we’ve never done before. There are a lot of ways to be different, of course, but they generally fall into three categories: a different place, a different food, and different people. Let me give you some examples.

A Different Place

For us, this will be the first time Kat and I have stayed home for Thanksgiving. We usually would go to her Mom’s for the holiday, but Little Man’s birthday is this week as well so we’re doing birthday/Thanksgiving over there on a different day. This means we get to just enjoy/endure each other on Thursday. Big Gabe, my 18-year-old, said he’s pretty sure this is the first time he’s not gone anywhere for Thanksgiving, and he may be correct. He wasn’t born yet when I was on this roll of doing exotic meals for the holidays. Any other time we were at one grandparent’s house or the other. So, just the idea of staying home on Thanksgiving is a bit awkward and certainly different.

Over the years, though, we have utilized some other non-traditional locations as well. Back when our entire extended family would gather in Wichita, no one had a house big enough to even begin holding us all. So, we rented enclosed facilities at different city parks as long as at least a couple of our parents were still living. The facilities would include stoves and ovens and sinks so we could cook those last-minute items that are only good when fresh. Meanwhile, there was always plenty of room to toss the youngsters outside so they could run off energy and build up an appetite for the meal. After Poppa got to where he couldn’t make the trip, we used the great room of the retirement facility where they lived, invited others there to join, and had a wonderful time sharing Thanksgiving with older people who had nowhere else to go.

There are plenty of options if one just looks around a bit. Some, you do your own cooking. Others, someone else cooks for you (though those options tend to be more expensive). Either way, if you don’t want, or for some reason are unable to do the traditional family thing and the traditional family place, look around. Try someplace different. You might discover a whole new tradition that’s even better.

Different Food

I mentioned above about going through a period where I insisted on preparing exotic foods for the holidays. I drove my family nuts with that one. Both sides were always very traditional and they just couldn’t wrap their heads around not having turkey and dressing and green bean casserole. In fact, my former mother-in-law actually brought green bean casserole with her one year because she knew that I wasn’t going to fix any and could not stand the thought of a Thanksgiving without it.

Here’s the thing: you don’t want what they had at the first Thanksgiving. It was dry. It was gamey. Even the vegetables didn’t taste anything like what is on our tables now. So, just throw out that whole idea of a “traditional” Thanksgiving menu and have some fun with it. We’ve had duck (which no one liked as much as they thought they would), we’ve had cornish hens (look,everyone gets their own turkey!), and we’ve even had venison (just don’t play a video of Bambi for a couple of weeks). There are plenty of options.

Where the fun comes in, I think, is with the side dishes. Sure, we can have potatoes, but let’s prepare them differently for a change. This year, I’m leaning toward this recipe for slow cooker loaded potatoes. First off, it’s highly customizable. If your family is made up of vampires, leave off the garlic. Double down on the bacon if you wish. You could also toss in some olives and sun dried tomatoes if you’re feeling adventurous. The end result should be much more appetizing than yet another round of mashed potatoes.

I’m also considering this recipe for honey roasted butternut squash. Of those attending our home dinner on Thursday, half don’t like sweet potatoes. So, it doesn’t seem fair to leave them out and I know that at least two of them love butternut squash. This recipe is really simple to put together as long as one has a good, sharp knife. Butternut squash isn’t the softest veggie you’ll ever find. Alternatives like this really liven up a Thanksgiving menu without really risking upsetting expectations.

Finally, try something really different in the bread department. Of course, a lot of people use cornbread stuffing, but there’s still this expectation for some kind of roll or pull-apart bread. One year I got really adventurous and made challah, which the family enjoyed. Unfortunately, I don’t have that much counter space to give a full loaf of braided bread a place to rise. We’ll likely go with something from a local bakery. Just make it different than the store-bought Hawaiian rolls that are way over priced.

Different People

My parents taught us this one. Regardless of which holiday it might be, if we were fixing a lot of food, and my Mother always fixed enough food for a small army, we invited other people, and almost always people who we didn’t know. We never had a bad holiday when we did this. Never mind any religious differences, though the year we had an atheist at the table was interesting, never mind the cultural differences, the addition of new people always made the holiday better.

If you have been paying attention to the pictures we’ve used for this article, you’ve noticed all but one have a preponderance of tattoos. For reasons I have yet to understand, there are still a lot of people who find ink offensive. I don’t get it. That concept is almost always based out of ignorance, as is every bias. When we are celebrating our ability to over-consume while nearly a third of the world’s population is starving, we have a moral obligation to set aside our ridiculous opinions and reach out to people who are as different from us as possible. Build bridges, not walls. Invite that fussy neighbor. Pick up that friend of a friend whose name you can’t remember but you know will be alone. Hell, bring home a stripper. Strippers have to eat, too.

One of the reasons suicides go up during the holidays is because people who have been alone for far too many Thanksgivings just don’t want to go through another one. Try swallowing your fucking pride for a change. Invite someone different. You’ll both end up with a reason to be Thankful.

Just For Fun / Music / PotD

We Can Save The World By Dancing

November 22, 2016

Dancing our blues away makes as much sense as any projected political policies we’ve seen. Can’t hurt to try.

There is an automatic irony to me writing this article. I don’t dance. Not really. I can do the office chair boogie. I can do the dad shuffle. I can do the stand-and-sway if the music is slow. But actually dance? Nah, not going to happen. I don’t even bother watching Dancing With The Stars because it just makes me sad. I was raised Southern Baptist. We weren’t even allowed to watch American Bandstand because it was “a bad influence.” So, without those early dance skills being properly developed, any chance I ever had of being able to dance slipped right out under the front door into the Kansas wind.

I like dancing, though. I think it is artistic and beautiful and does wonderful things for people. I am especially taken by large groups of people dancing. Whether it’s choreographed steps that everyone knows, or a flash mob that’s been rehearsed, there’s something about a large group of people moving together at the same time to the same music that gives me hope.

Stop and think about it. Music provides a central ideal, something around which everyone can agree. Then, there’s cooperation. Some lead, some follow, but everyone’s working together for the greater good. There’s a plan, a choreography laid out in advance that everyone follows. Finally, when the time comes, everyone does their part in the performance and the result is something beautiful.

Now, if we can do that with music, and do it over and over and over again, why can’t we do that with other things such as politics? Same rules and methods apply. We just have to agree on the music.

Movies do a great job of illustrating my point. Dancing solves all the world’s problems. Let’s take a look at a few examples.

Shake A Tail Feather

From the original Blues Brothers in 1980, this particular scene proves that a blind man with the right song can bring together an entire community. If you can watch this and not feel better by the end, there’s just something wrong with your soul. Even the little kids get in on the act. If a blind man can generate this kind of cooperation, then maybe there’s hope for Congress. Maybe. If they were all blind.

You Make My Dreams

Okay, so there may not be a for-real flash mob dancing with you as you walk home, but there’s little question that we all feel more like dancing when we’re getting laid, which is exactly what happens in the 2009 movie Days of Summer. The problem is, that whole idea that dancing leads to sex is preposterous. Sex leads to dancing. Happiness leads to dancing. Maybe if we backed off the issues around who is having sex with whom or who is getting married to whom then maybe we’d all be a lot more happy and there’s be animated little birds flying around everywhere.

Fake I.D

The 2011 remake of Footloose bears very little resemblance to the original with Kevin Bacon, but one of the things it gives us is an incredibly wonderful line dancing scene. I’ve never actually tried line dancing. I’m always the one taking pictures of everyone else giving it a whirl. If I could dance, though, it would probably be with something like this. Line dancing is exactly how society should be: everyone on the same page, doing their own thing while working together with everyone else. And it’s fun. We need life to be fun.

https://youtu.be/uwNIMM4qnrI

Twist And Shout

I look at Ferris Bueller’s Day Off now and the first thing that comes to mind is how young everyone was back then. We all were young, once. That doesn’t mean we’ve lost the ability to Twist and Shout, though. We might even sway through a chorus of Danke Schoen. What this portion of the movie tells us, though, is that a) it’s easy to convince the people of Chicago to dance in the middle of the street, and b) dancing is a good distraction when you’re on the verge of really blowing it in life. Dancing puts all the problems on the shelf for a minute, gives us a chance to re-examine things before we proceed. The dancing is critical to the outcome of the movie. Perhaps it’s just as critical to the outcome of life.

Closing Time

This scene from Friends With Benefits shows the power of love as expressed through a flash mob. Stop and think a moment about all the trouble, planning, and coordination that Justin Timberlake’s character had to go through to make a flash mob like this happen in Grand Central Station. If we put that same level of effort into our government, our politics, our social lives, and especially our relationships, then perhaps we’d end up with everyone being best friends. Maybe. I can’t make any promises, but what we’ve been doing the past 50 years certainly hasn’t worked, has it? I’m willing to try something new and a dancing flash mob seems like the perfect way to go.

Now, if you’re still reading this far down the page, thank you. With the non-stop political coverage we’ve had the past several months and the bleakness I’m seeing for the future, it seems to me we need to take an extremely different tact in how we approach things. Am I in denial? Yes, most certainly. Denial is safe for the moment. Denial helps ignore the fact that there’s not a damn thing I can do to stop the impending catastrophe coming on January 20. So, let’s all get together and dance. I think we’ll feel better, even if we’re all in denial.

Hashtag Philosophy / Just For Fun

Thanksgiving Survival Guide

November 21, 2016

Ready or not, Thanksgiving is here. The relatives are coming. Prepare now!

We hate to be the bearers of anxiety, but the family holiday season is here. We know how many of you do your best to avoid family all year long, especially extended family. The cousins were great playmates when you were kids, but now they’re annoying, frustrating, and occasionally even infuriating. They ask far too many questions, such as whatever happened to that date you brought with you last Thanksgiving. When they’re not asking prying questions, they’re giving you way too much information about their own lives. Did you really want to know how often one has to change the diapers on a baby with diarrhea? No, of course you didn’t.

Across the country, anxiety over the holidays leads to everything from shortness of breath to heart palpitations to the sudden onset of a very serious flu when you find out Aunt Mildred is bringing her infamous onion casserole. These feelings are so widespread that #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving is trending with such heavy input that I can’t keep up. Naturally, when I saw that, I shelved other plans I had for today and immediately started assembling some of the best advice I could find. After all, we would hate for anyone to suffer unnecessarily. If you’re going to suffer, make sure everyone else is even more uncomfortable than you are. Maybe that will be enough to keep them all home for the next family gathering sometime in December.

Not that we’re totally cynical, mind you. We’ll toss in some practical suggestions along the way. It’s up to you to determine which are serious, though. For all I know, maybe you should bring your own turkey baster. That’s totally up to you.

Suggestions from Twitter

There areally are some brilliant minds on Twitter at times and hashtag games such as this is when some of the best show up. I didn’t really want to take the time to sort through all the best, though, so here are some of the first ones that I thought were at least mildly amusing.

Everyone has a “crazy” Aunt who comes at Thanksgiving. If she’s not there this year, just assume it’s your mom. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving

— Matthew Kick (@MatthewKick) November 21, 2016

#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Wear a post it that reads: Yes I’m still single, works fine, no i don’t want to meet your sons friend #thanks

— Cornelius Applesauce (@almostamouthful) November 21, 2016

#survivalguidetothanksgiving Don’t be afraid to tell them “It’s a Dessert Wine !” when they find you in the closet drinking from a bottle.

— Uncle Haggis (@PIEKAKE1) November 21, 2016

Eat until you can’t move. Play dead until the dishes are done. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving

— Mark Lamprecht ن (@MarkALamprecht) November 21, 2016

#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving anytime ur aunt says “Make America Great Again!” steal one item of food off her plate

— ileana fernandez (@ileanafdzz) November 21, 2016

A Bit Of Practical Advice

Fun and frivolity aside, there are some practical things you probably should do in preparation for spending a day with relatives. We have some suggestions here as well, but we’re saving those for the next section down. Here’s some of the best from what we culled from Twitter.

Two words: stretchy pants #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving https://t.co/9zDauyMYfV pic.twitter.com/AvugWcGTE6

— UGG (@UGG) November 21, 2016

#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving spend it with someone else’s family. Offer to help clean up & they’ll love ya!

— Geaux Tide (@AngelaChelsey) November 21, 2016

Soup kitchens need volunteers, gratitude is a physical practice. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving

— Biggons (@BIGGONSanything) November 21, 2016

Taping a sprig of parsley to your bottle of Wild Turkey gives it a festive flair #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving

— Darren Huxter (@darren_huxter) November 21, 2016

“@voguemagazine: How to keep things civil @ the dinner table this Thanksgiving: https://t.co/ND0nP2IdGe. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving“

— ((( Xuan ))) (@UncleTacoMan) November 21, 2016

Now For The Good Stuff

There are plenty of ideas out there that are worth sharing. We were surprised, however, that we didn’t see some of the more obvious suggestions. Sure, there were multiple takes on drinking as much as possible and leaving in earphones and keeping your mouth full. What we missed were some of the more certain ways to make the holiday memorable and increase your chances of not being invited to the next one. So, here’s what we have to offer.

Arrive early. We’re not kidding. Arrive a couple of hours early. Blame insomnia or a bad clock or maybe even say that since your homeless this year you didn’t really have anywhere else to go. Go early and make sure you don’t stop talking. If you can avoid taking a breath, do so. You don’t want to give anyone a chance to get a word in edge-wise. This way, everyone will be so tired of you by the time dinner is over you can leave immediately and everyone else will be truly thankful.
Offer to help in the kitchen and then “accidentally” drop the dishes you know no one actually wants to eat, such as Cousin Laverne’s caramel-covered asparagus casserole. Laverne might be devastated, but everyone else in the family will thank you.
Do your own play-by-play for the football game you’re listening to on your phone, not the one everyone is watching on television. If they’re truly football fans, they’ll appreciate the extra effort you’re putting into the holiday.
Bring your own paper plate and plastic utensils. Tell everyone you’ve heard that there’s a really bad case of hand-foot-and-mouth disease going around and you’re not taking any chances. Notice how everyone gives you a 10-foot safety barrier the rest of the day.
Fill your pockets with candy and distribute it freely to all your nieces, nephews, and second cousins. Make sure they all get plenty of sugar. Then leave before their parents have a chance to kill you.
Practice binge eating the first to days of the week then fast 24 hours before the meal. This stretches your stomach so that you can eat more on Thanksgiving day and makes sure you’re hungry enough to down an extra helping of gravy.
Remember to make sure that you have plenty of all your medication to get you through the entire weekend. You’re not getting anywhere near a pharmacy this weekend. Besides, there’s no Black Friday sale on Valium.
Get down the scrapbook and brush up on all your cousins’ names, or at least the ones they were using before they went into the witness protection program.
Bring your dog. No, not the tiny cute one that lives in your purse and thinks it’s a dog. Bring the rottweiler or the saint bernard. You know, something that will clear the table of food before anyone human can be poisoned.
Slip a bottle of ipecac into your pocket. You never know when you’ll need to fake the flu—or take evasive action against food poisoning. Either way, it will get you out of having to endure family the rest of the day.
Dress like a turkey and accuse everyone else at the table of cannibalism. Hold the roasted turkey in your arms lovingly and chant, “Foul Lives Matter!”
Pretend you just got a job at Target and have to be at work by 6:00.
Pull out your shotgun and while you’re cleaning it explain to the children in the room exactly how you tracked down that big ol’ turkey and BOOM, blew it’s ever-loving head right off. No one will challenge you for the drumsticks now.
Remind everyone, again, that they did not have jellied cranberry sauce at the original thanksgiving and that the entire holiday is a complete sham unless the family massacres the neighbors the next day.
Pray for peace and then throw hard rolls at Cousin Elmer for not closing his eyes during the prayer.

I could probably come up with more and if you need additional help just let me know and I’m sure we can come up with something to fit your specific situation. Personally, I’m doing the cooking here. I’m not waiting for the tryptophan to kick in with the kids, though. I’m loading the stuffing with sleeping pills. We WILL have a quiet afternoon one way or the other.

Hope this helps. Have a great holiday!!

Music / PotD

When Awards Shows No Longer Matter

November 21, 2016

charles i. letbetter - when awards shows fail

Awards that recognize talent are great but when it becomes a popularity contest the shows lose all meaning

I’m drinking coffee that is far too weak for a Monday morning. I’m drinking weak coffee because it is Monday morning. You know, the kind where you think you’re pouring the beans into the grinder but half of them are actually missing and falling onto the floor kind of morning. As a result, my coffee is very much like last night’s American Music Awards: Weak and bland to the point of nearly being useless.

What, you didn’t realize that the American Music Awards (AMAs) were last night? Welcome to the club. I woke this morning to something in my newsfeed about Ariana Grande thanking her fans for sticking by her during her emotional collapse this year. I’m not making light of serious mental conditions when I respond with: YAWN. She’s had a rough year. That’s not a problem. She’s surviving and that’s wonderful. But does that deserve a music award? Probably not.

Maybe I’m the only one who feels this way, and if so then I’ll apologize, but it seems to me the preponderance of awards shows, especially in the field of music, has become so numerous that it dilutes the value of all of them. Even the Grammy awards, which I still consider the best of the group, has lost some of its sparkle because, hey, if you didn’t win one of those then we’ll just for the next awards show and get you one then. If we’re going to bother giving out awards, they need to actually mean something. Otherwise, it’s just a group of musicians getting together, patting each other on the back, and exchanging tour dates. Those who genuinely enjoy music deserve more.

Music has a PR problem

I realize I’m reaching back before the dawn of time for some of you, but I remember watching two awards shows when I was a kid: the Grammys and the Oscars. Those were the big ones because my parents had made the decision that those two were culturally significant enough to justify my staying up past my bedtime to watch. The awards meant something, were reflective of our values as a society, and established a bar for the level of performance. Slowly, other awards shows started popping up, but I didn’t get to stay up late for those. My parents deemed them questionable both in terms of value and content.

Since then, the list has expanded even more, especially in the field of music. In addition to the Grammys and the AMAs, there are multiple MTV awards and people’s choice awards and country music awards and rock music awards and music video awards, and the list just keeps growing. Add in all the culture-specific awards shows and one could pretty much attend a music awards show every week, sometimes two. The number has exceeded any amount of reason. There is no requirement for quality in music for awards shows and many of the industry’s problems are reflective of that fact.

Of course, it doesn’t help a bit to have someone out there who goes on long rants then walks out on his own concert before canceling another. I don’t understand why anyone bothers to buy his concert tickets anymore. The industry also isn’t aided by excessive attention over performer’s personal lives rather than their music. Do we really need to know whom Taylor Swift is dating this week? Could Ariana Grande’s problems possibly stem from fans who can’t mind their own damn business and a media that encourages such invasion of personal lives? Surely, we would all do a lot better if we focused on the music and ignored those who only win because they have a huge Instagram following, Zayn.

Music With Meaning

Am I just an old man ranting about all this new-fangled music? I suppose that’s possible, to some extent. Although, I routinely surprise my 18-year-old when I know the words to more popular music than he does. My playlists regularly include Maroon 5, Lady Gaga, Beyoncè, and Bruno Mars. I’ll even toss in some Taylor Swift and Adele every once in a while. I like to think that I’m not completely out of touch. Yet, when I look at the list of last night’s winners, I see a list divided between sentimental favorites (Prince’s Purple Rain for top soundtrack—didn’t we do that already?) and Instagram stars of questionable talent (explain, please, why only having one name is good, Zayn).

Granted, the AMAs have never been known for their quality picks. The awards program began in 1973 as an “alternative to the Grammys.” In other words, a group of people decided that they were tired of their favorite artists not getting awards (largely because their music sucked) and decided to go off and do their own thing. The modern version of the AMAs does the majority of its voting online. As a result, the winners are simply those who are most popular, not the ones who have presented the best music in the previous year. So, we get a former boy band member winning Best New Artist when The Chainsmokers and Shawn Mendes were obviously better (see, I actually listened to the music). All the nominees for Tour of the Year were old school (Bruce Springsteen, Madonna, and Beyoncè). One has to wonder whether those who voted Blake Shelton Best Male Country Artist really listened to his latest album or his marriage-busting relationship with Gwen Stefani.

Looking through the entire list of nominees, I don’t see anything that was actually good on the list. Why? Because all the good music at the moment is coming from independent and small-label artists who don’t get the airplay, or more importantly, don’t have the huge social media followings. You aren’t likely to see those folks at the awards shows.

Your Support Makes A Difference

Entertainment fields are unlike political elections where your vote doesn’t always seem to matter. You vote for movies and music with your wallet. What you buy, matters. What you watch, matters. If you’re buying CDs from a local band, it may not seem like much at the time, but trust me, someone notices. That $5 you just spent on music from your favorite local band is five dollars that didn’t make it into the hands of a major label and they’re watching every penny at this stage of the game.

The same applies to awards shows. If you want a local band to make it big, then they need a ton of support all across social media. We’re not just talking about liking their page or their Instagram account, but sharing songs and photos so that other people have a chance to become familiar with the band or singer. We are living in an age where it is entirely possible for unsigned talent to make it big. Follow them on YouTube. Share their videos. As the numbers grow, the people who run the record labels and awards shows begin to notice.

At the same time, if you’re as tired of the nonsense as I am, then there are some groups and individuals you need to avoid. For me, and this is a personal decision, Zayn falls into the same dumpster pile as that Bieber kid. I didn’t like the group he was in, I don’t like his solo work either. You create your own list. That’s how the system works.

The music industry exists to make money. From your local radio station to your Pandora and Spotify accounts, what matters is where you are spending your money. So, do us all a favor. Stop supporting the folks whose music requires 15 people to write and can’t be covered with a single microphone and a guitar. Stop supporting alleged artists who walk out on their own shows or cancel without good reason. Support artists who are passionate, who write songs you’ll still want to hear 30 years from now. Buy their stuff. Share their stuff.

And turn off the damn awards shows. They need to just go away.

Current Issues / PotD / Social Commentary

No Apologies Necessary

November 20, 2016

The defiant speech of the opposition is what prevents us from slipping into absolute tyranny. No apologies are ever necessary.

Raising children to be polite, respectful, and kindly is challenging. Evidence would suggest more parents fail than succeed. Putting aside our selfish desires does not come easily when one reasons on the level of a seven-year-old. We see it around here every day.

Yesterday afternoon, for example, Little Man takes the TV remote and whacks his sister upside the head with it. Punishment was immediately delivered by his mother and afterward he was instructed to apologize to his sister. Staring blankly at the television he mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

Kat wasn’t going to let him get away with that. “No, you look her in the eyes and apologize.”

The Tipster turns around, probably enjoying the attention a little too much, and faces her brother. “I’m sorry, ” he says, a little most distinctly this time.

“For what?” she demands. She’s not letting him off the hook that easily.

A long pause follows before he finally says, “For hitting you with the remote.”

Lesson learned? Probably not. Rarely does a child change their behavior based on a single event, especially when that event is not necessarily traumatic. Learning how to behave in social situations takes time and, we can all probably attest, not everyone ever learns. Some people remain self-centered and selfish their entire lives. They see everyone else doing wrong while they remain innocent. They want apologies from everyone else but are slow to give them when they are wrong. Such a trait is frustrating to encounter on a normal basis. When that same trait is exhibited on the part of an elected leader, however, the matter is far more troubling. Such would seem to be the case with the incoming US administration.

A Rough Night At The Theatre

Our president-elect has decided that he doesn’t want to govern from the White House full time. Apparently, the lack of gold-plated toilets at the White House bothers him. Instead, he wants to spend time, see heads of state, and conduct national business from his home in New York. Now, there are a multitude of logistical and legal questions regarding whether such a move is possible. However, one element was probably not given the consideration it deserves: 85% of New Yorkers did not vote for the president-elect. Being in New York may put him in familiar territory but it certainly doesn’t put him in friendly territory. He’s going to have to expect considerable opposition, especially when the Secret Service blocks Fifth Ave., snarling downtown traffic for hours on end.

A couple of nights ago, the vice president-elect somehow managed to snag tickets to the hottest musical to hit Broadway in quite some time: Hamilton. I just checked, and if any of us mere mortals want to see the show, the best we can hope for is to purchase a ticket now for a show in August of 2017. If you’re really desperate and are willing to drop $450 or more for your ticket, they’ll squeeze you in for a June performance. Getting a ticket now pretty much means someone has to die. Yet, power has its privileges and the vice president-elect was able to get tickets for himself, his daughter, and a nephew. A nice family evening out. How sweet.

Right from the start, though, the reception on the part of New Yorkers was chilly. An elected official with the status of the vice president-elect doesn’t just slip into the theatre quietly. The instant he was recognized, the vice president-elect was booed. Hamilton officials and actors requested the audience be quiet. Such rudeness is generally not tolerated on Broadway.

At the end of the performance, however, the politically-attuned cast decided to address the vice president-elect whose statements and policies as Governor of Indiana might affect many of them directly. Actor Brandon Victor Dixon, who plays Aaron Burr, the country’s third vice president, spoke on behalf of the cast. The results looked like this:

In my mind, and I would like to think that of most reasonable people, the statement was polite, well-written, and appropriately delivered. However, little Mikey (he’ll eat anything, ya’ know) went running back to his political “Daddy” and the response from the president-elect was very much what one might expect from the father of a bully whose victim had dared to stand up to him. Mr. Trump tweeted:

“The Theater must always be a safe and special place. The cast of Hamilton was very rude last night to a very good man, Mike Pence. Apologize!”

and then:

“Our wonderful future V.P. Mike Pence was harassed last night at the theater by the cast of Hamilton, cameras blazing. This should not happen!”

The response from Hamilton was also what one might expect. Mr. Dixon responded:

“@realDonaldTrump conversation is not harassment sir. And I appreciate @mike_pence for stopping to listen”

Hamilton‘s author, Lin-Manuel Miranda, tweeted:

“Proud of @HamiltonMusical. Proud of @BrandonVDixon, for leading with love. And proud to remind you that ALL are welcome at the theater.”

Anthony Romero, executive director of the American Civil Liberties Union, said in a statement:

“The apology should instead come from President-elect Trump for calling into question the appropriateness of the Hamilton cast’s statements.”

Response from the rest of the Internet was unsurprising. Those who support the president-elect started a #BoycottHamilton hashtag that quickly started trending. Those opposing the president-elect responded with reminders that tickets to the musical are impossible to get and offers to gleefully take tickets off the hands of any potential theatre-goers who might be offended. The whole conversation is as inane and irreverent as the Internet tends to be when void of any form of respect and/or self-discipline.

Hold on, let’s look at some numbers

Opposition is a necessary part of reasoning and intelligent dialog. There must always be a different side than that which is dominate. We are a diverse people of many minds and opinions. All of those opinions deserve some form of hearing and to the extent that they are presented respectfully, as was the Hamilton casts’ statement, they deserve to be treated respectfully. Any response should be thoughtful and well-considered. Such is the nature of polite communication. We cannot expect to never be challenged, but we are obligated to challenge and respond in kind.

Judging from the response not only to this particular situation but other moments of challenge, one might get the idea that the president-elect thinks that he does not deserve to be challenged in any form. Statements against articles in the media, primarily those in the New York Times show that this president-elect would rather respond like a bully, attempting to use intimidation rather than reason when responding to opposition. Consider a few of the following examples:

Just had a very open and successful presidential election. Now professional protesters, incited by the media, are protesting. Very unfair!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 11, 2016

Wow, the @nytimes is losing thousands of subscribers because of their very poor and highly inaccurate coverage of the “Trump phenomena”

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 13, 2016

The failing @nytimes story is so totally wrong on transition. It is going so smoothly. Also, I have spoken to many foreign leaders.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 16, 2016

I watched parts of @nbcsnl Saturday Night Live last night. It is a totally one-sided, biased show – nothing funny at all. Equal time for us?

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 20, 2016

The very fact that the president-elect chooses to use a short-form means of communication through Twitter shows how little respect he has for those who oppose him. A polite, professional, response considers the points raised by the opposition and addresses them fully, not with statements like “Very unfair!” or “very poor and highly inaccurate coverage.” If the opposition is making statements that are unfair and/or inaccurate, then address those statements specifically. State the actual offense and then respond specifically and directly to that offense.

Our president-elect might need to be reminded that his election does not carry with it anything that might resemble a consensus among the American people. The vast majority of Americans did not vote for him. The president-elect received, at last count, 61,898,584 votes that were distributed in such a manner as to provide him with a presumed win among the electoral college. However, at no point in this presidency can or should he lose sight of the fact that his most direct opponent, Mrs. Clinton, received more votes with the current tally at 63,551,979. Now, if we were to add up all the remaining votes that were cast for someone other than Mr. Trump, including 747,993 write-ins and 28,824 for “none of these candidates,” we come to a total of 71, 000, 869 people who did not vote for the president-elect. That’s nearly ten million more than voted for him.

The overwhelming number of people who oppose the incoming administration is significant. With more people opposed to him than are those supporting him, the president-elect has little choice to not only expect strong and reactive voices of opposition and defiance but to respond appropriately. Bullies do not go unchallenged for long. Ignorance is never allowed to dominate a situation for long. The opposition to this administration is strong and it is going to be vocal and it is going to be unapologetic.

We’re gonna preach now

Defiant speech is necessary for a society no matter how it is constructed. Those who stand in opposition must take voice. When that voice comes from the position of the under served, the disenfranchised, the bullied, the beaten, and those long ignored, it is going to be loud and it is going to challenge the status quo and it is going to openly defy the authority that has stood in its way. This is not unique to the United States. Defiant speech gets things done and it never, ever apologizes. Consider some examples from history:

Holy Roman Emperor Charles V didn’t like what Martin Luther wrote and placed on the door of the church at Wittenburg. When called before the Diet (assembly) at Worms, Luther was unrepentant and refused to apologize. Luther made it clear that he had no intention of recanting his writings and Charles V was seething. The Holy Roman Emperor did not like being challenged. Yet, by doing so Luther changed the course of the entire Christian world, a social impact that is still effective today. Should Martin Luther have apologized? Hell no!
On March 23, 1775, it was a defiant Patrick Henry, whose stance before the Virginia delegates gathered at St. John’s church was not that of the majority, proclaimed in opposition:“Gentlemen may cry, “Peace! Peace!” — but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!” Many found Henry’s speech deplorable. King George III of England certainly found it offensive. Should Patrick Henry have apologized? Hell no!
The events of August 28, 1963 offended a lot of people. As most Americans watched on television, the mall across from the Lincoln Memorial began to fill with people of color who were fed up with the way they had been treated and tired of having their voices ignored. A young preacher, named after another preacher known for his defiant speech, stepped up to the microphone and said,“I have a dream, that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood . . .
I have a dream, that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream . . .”People sat in stunned silence to hear Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s words. They struck a chord that went deep to the heart. Millions did not like what they heard, but it was time for the world to change and that change was not going to come from continuing to be silent and not challenge the status quo. Should Martin Luther King, Jr. have apologized for that speech? Hell no!

Speeches of opposition and defiance are rarely received well. We cannot expect that someone would challenge a presumed authority and expect to have that challenge welcomed and embraced. Yet, there is no question that every voice needs to be heard and that the collective sound of those voices as they grow louder and stronger serves to stand in the face of tyranny as a guard against the destruction of freedoms many have died to win. There is no place for apologies here. On these things let us be very clear:

We stand in opposition to those who tolerate hate, whether it is their own or that of those around them and with whom they associate.

We stand in opposition to those who would deny the rights of an individual to be who and what they were created to be.

We stand in opposition to those who attempt to define who can love whom.

We stand in opposition to those who would deny citizenship to one based on their belief system or country of origin.

We stand in opposition to those who attempt to rule over what a person can do with their own body.

We stand in opposition to those who endanger the world by denying science in favor of mythology.

We stand in opposition to those who consider the color of a person’ skin as a qualifier for their humanity.

We stand in opposition to those who would put their personal profit ahead of the good of the country.

We stand in opposition to those who would deny education and place it out of reach.

We stand in opposition to those who place families in danger, who imprison those they fear, and enslave those imprisoned.

We stand in opposition to those who would build walls.

We will not be silent. Our place and our voice is established by the universe, not by man.

We will not be silent. We will stand in the highways and the hedges, on the street corners, and on the stages of Broadway to announce our opposition.

We will not be silent. We will protect those we love, our way of life, and our future.

We will not be silent. We will shout in the face of fear and drown out the voices of bigotry and ignorance.

We will not be silent. We will use every means and method at our disposal to ensure that this country of the people, by the people, and for the people shall never disappear from the face of this earth.

We are the opposition. We are 71, 000, 869 strong and we will not go away, we will not be quiet.

So, Mr. President-elect, take your pettiness, your shallow offense, your whining children, and the ignorance that follows you and prepare to be opposed. We will not back down. We will not give up.

And we will NEVER apologize.

Fashion / Original Style / pop culture

Avoid Holiday Disaster: Don’t Color Your Own Hair

November 19, 2016

charles i. letbetter - don't use box color

Want to do something to your hair for the holidays? Put down that box color! Don’t be a DIY disaster.

Erg. The holidays are here and your hair is just an absolute mess. You want to do something with it, but you let the season sneak up on you. If you didn’t schedule an appointment with your stylist at least a month ago, you’re screwed on trying to get in to any reputable salon. So, for a lot of women, there’s this incredible temptation to just do something yourself. After all, you can get boxed hair color cheaply enough at your local store. Sounds like a reasonable work-around, doesn’t it?

I get it. When I first met Kat, one of the things I liked was that she was very adventurous with her hair color. The problem was that in doing her hair herself she was routinely frying her hair, having to chop it all off and then growing it out again. That routine, along with a few other details, is what encouraged her to go to beauty school. Want to guess what she learned there? You shouldn’t be using box color on your hair! Mind you, she’s still every bit as adventurous with her hair color, but she’s learned her lesson and no longer has to cut off all her hair every few months.

Still, there are sources out there who are trying to sell product and go to some lengths to do so. Clairol paid for an article on Popsugar touting the ease of using their box color to liven up one’s hair. They did their best to make it look like something objective, though the editors at Popsugar were very clear in making sure readers understood it was a sponsored article. What they apparently weren’t expecting was the fact that a number of actual licensed, professional stylists would not only read the article, but share the article as an example of what not to do. Kat showed me some of the comments. They’re rather brutal and for good reason:

NEVER USE BOX COLOR ON YOUR HAIR!

A Thousand Different Shades Of Wrong

Part of the appeal for using box color is that it is, allegedly, easy to find a color that you’ll like, maybe even one that matches your natural color. If only that were true. While boxed products do offer a wide variety of colors that look on the outside of the box as though they might be what you want, the reality is much, much different. First of all, there’s no such thing as one-size-fits-all hair color, and that’s exactly what boxed color is trying to pull off. Trying a hair color isn’t like trying on a rain poncho. Hair color has to be individually formulated to your hair for it to work correctly. Boxed color can’t do that.

Do you have any idea everything your colorist considers before putting something on your hair? You know they ask a lot of questions and they keep meticulous records of what they’ve done previously for good reason. Anything that touches your hair has the potential to change the way it takes color. Your colorist considers things such as your hair’s porosity, your skin tone, the natural level of pigment, previous chemicals used on your hair, the kind of shampoo you use, and whether you have any grey. Even then, colorists know that the ash blonde that looks wonderful on one person is likely to look like a fruit basket gone wrong on someone else.

Boxed colors also use a 12% or higher developer, significantly higher than what your colorist is likely to use. The reason boxes use such a high level is to make sure that the product does something to your hair. Unfortunately, that something is more likely to be in the neighborhood of frying it rather than helping to any degree. There’s just no way that a boxed hair color product can give you the same level of individualized attention that your hair needs.

Not as affordable as you think

Another reason many women choose boxed color is because it appears to be more affordable. $8 for a boxed color versus $60 or more for just a single color at a salon? Sure, sounds like a wonderful bargain—until it all goes wrong. Anyone who has used box color likely knows the pain of looking in the mirror and seeing something they did not expect. What do you do? Try another color? Attempt to wash it out as quickly as possible? Put another color over the top of it? All of those options are horrible for your hair and end up leaving it looking worse than when you started.

One of the things we need to understand when talking about box color and that their formulas change all the time and companies are under no obligation to tell the consumer what changes were made and how they might potentially affect your hair. So even if you managed to find a boxed product that wasn’t too horrible one time, chances are extremely high that when you go back six months later and try the same color again it doesn’t work because the formula changed! Oh, and if you tried doing highlights with one of those silly cap things you almost certainly know what it’s like to have polka-dot hair. They don’t work.

There’s no substitute for a professional application and customized color. So, when you do it yourself and it fails, horribly, you end up having to go to the salon to get it fixed. At the very least, you’re now going to pay over $100 for a colorist to repair your self-induced disaster. If you have managed to fry your hair in the process then you’re going to get an unwanted hair cut removing the damage. One can easily come out of the salon a couple hundred dollars poorer and looking like a Marine Corp recruit who just entered basic training. Repairing the damage one inevitably does to their hair with a box color always costs several times more than what the salon color would have been. Doesn’t it just make more sense to have it done right in the first place?

Your options are limited

Let’s get real here: if you don’t already have an appointment with your stylist by now, your options are tremendously limited. You do not want to attempt a home box color. Neither do you want to risk a bad home perm job for many of the same reasons. While the number of options at this juncture are limited, there are a couple of things we can safely recommend.

First, consider having your hair done at a beauty school. The students need the practice and are supervised by instructors who are there to help prevent a disaster like the one you would get at home. Understand, this time of year even they may not have time to give you a complicated color process. Anything that takes multiple hours of work is probably best saved for after the holidays. However, they can do haircuts and color re-touches with little problem. Of course, we strongly recommend using an Aveda school salon if you have one in your area. Yes, we are more than a little biased. In addition to getting a great cut and style, you also get their wonderful massage service and it’s still only $17 for a haircut. Color services start somewhere around $30.

Second, if you’re really desperate and have some sense of what you’re doing, a wash and set can be done at home without necessarily ending in disaster. Understand, though, this takes some knowledge of what you want, what size curler to use, and the dexterity to actually fasten the curlers in the back of your head. Doing anything to your hair on your own is challenging, but at least if you botch this one you just wash it out and try again. I remember my mother frequently doing her own hair on a Saturday night so that it would look good for church the next day. Of course, my mother went to beauty school, too. She had an advantage. Still, if your back’s against a wall, this might be worth a shot.

I know everyone wants to look good for the holidays and with busy schedules it’s easy to forget to set appointments with your hair stylists. Still, there is no good reason for jumping off the deep end and trying to color your hair yourself with some box you picked up at CVS. Wash your hair, use a good conditioner, and chances are no one will give you any grief. After all, everyone’s more interested in the food. You’ll be fine.

Enjoy the holidays!

Just For Fun / pop culture / PotD

Hosting Thanksgiving Without Hosting Politics

November 19, 2016

Thanksgiving with family is great until someone starts talking politics. Let’s avoid that, shall we?

Here we are, less than a week before Thanksgiving, and this year everyone’s coming to your house. Sounds fun, doesn’t it, doing all that cooking, seeing the nieces and nephews, listening to Uncle Bud talk about SEC football while Grandma Marian goes on about her hip replacement surgery? I bet you can hardly wait for everyone to get there. This is when families are at their most fun. Cousins who haven’t seen each other in a year playing in the yard, brothers and sisters reminiscing about when they were kids, and more food than anyone ever needs to eat. I remember those Thanksgivings nostalgically, though we’ve not actually had one in several years.

The problem with Thanksgiving, or any family get-together, comes when someone says something, perhaps innocently, that reveals a political rift within the family. Almost every family has someone who doesn’t agree with the majority opinion. If they decide that someone’s statement is offensive to them, then the arguments begin and it doesn’t matter how good the turkey was, all anyone remembers is the year Uncle Bud bashed Aunt Noreen in the head with that lamp. I’m the liberal in a family of conservatives so I just avoid family Thanksgiving down in Wichita. I’m sure we’re all happier that way.

Not everyone shows such discretion, however, and if your family is one of those whose Thanksgivings turn into an annual knock-down, drag-out, pay-per-view event live streamed by the teenaged cousins, we’re here to help. Never mind that the first Thanksgiving almost certainly wasn’t a religious event and was probably more of a harvest festival. Ignore the fact that the alleged friendliness of the Pilgrims was little more than a prelude to murder. Let those discussions happen elsewhere. What matters is that you and your house survive Thanksgiving intact.

Preparing Your Home

Distraction is the name of the game in a politics-free Thanksgiving. What is important is that you remove as many possible reminders of the presidential election as possible. Tempers are still short. Feelings are still hurt. Forks are a weapon. So, start wth the simple things such as removing any political signs from your yard, especially if your side won. No one likes it when the other side gloats. They’ll be in a bad mood before they get out of the car if they see a Trump or Clinton sign in your yard. Instead, just don’t rake the leaves. The kids will enjoy playing in them and the adults will either reminisce about how they used to do the same, or gripe about how you’re a bad neighbor for not taking care of your lawn. Either way, it’s not politics. You’re winning so far.

Next, hide anything of value and do NOT light candles for any reason whatsoever. What you want to avoid is giving anyone an easy weapon. Rather than using the fine china handed down from your great-great-grandmother, use paper plates. By all means, use plastic utensils rather than the silverware that’s been in the family for generations. You certainly don’t want to risk Aunt Josephine’s hair getting too close to an open flame, either. The woman uses a full can of Aqua-Net on that beehive of judgment. One little spark and she’s the flambé. This, of course, will get your relatives talking about the fact you wouldn’t let them use the family relics and that your house smells like dog poop. Again, better than politics.

Worst-case-scenario, should you get wind that Uncle Bud just can’t wait to light into his Hillary-supporting sister-in-law, you can take preventative measures by connecting a small electrical charge to the doorknob on the front door. The relatives you like can be told to use the backdoor. Everyone else gets a shocking greeting. Don’t make the shock too hard, mind you. You don’t want to spend the day at the hospital after Grandma’s pacemaker gives her an unexpected jolt. Just make it enough to hurt like fucking hell and send a clear message that their hate is not wanted in your house. They’ll be talking about you for years.

Prepare Yourself

I’ve always been an advocate of attending family events naked. This is especially true if you’re male because, no matter how good you look, no one in your family wants to see that. Open the door in your birthday suit and watch how quickly everyone suddenly remembers that they promised to spend this Thanksgiving with the other side of the family. The only problem with this approach is that Thanksgiving day often turns out to be on the chilly side. While one can turn up the heat to a comfortable temperature inside, the frequent blasts of cold air that come with greeting your guests is going to make matters all the more uncomfortable for everyone.

An alternative to being naked would be to dress otherwise inappropriately. Pajamas come to mind, especially the kind with feet in them. Dress your entire immediate family that way so that when extended family arrives they think they missed an email or something, which is probably cousin Jennifer’s fault because she always was a stuck-up sort of brat who never let anyone play with her dolls. No pajamas? Go with something sheer or low-cut, something that shows some side boob. Again, this is much more effective if one is male. If you’re female it just makes cousin Horace’s drooling problem that much worse.

Hair and makeup also come into play here. Specifically, if you’re female don’t wear any and, by all means, don’t bother brushing your hair. You want everyone to know how hard you’ve been slaving over this dinner, staying up late to bake pies every night this week, and wrestling with those homemade rolls. Just make sure you’ve hidden all the boxes from the store before you do so. If you’re male, though, you need to go the opposite direction. Open the door with a full face of makeup AND a full beard and everyone immediately forgets that there even was an election this year. Arguably, one has to have a rather thick skin to actually use any of these tactics. Family is going to be telling stories about you for generations. It’s worth it, though, to avoid the uncivil political discussions that tear a family apart.

Prepare Your Food

Everyone shows up for Thanksgiving expecting the regular menu, which Uncle Bob is sure was ordained by God and handed down from the Pilgrims themselves. There has to be roast turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, homemade rolls, cranberry sauce, and enough green bean casserole to last until Christmas. This is what they’re expecting when they come to your house. This, however, is not what you’re going to give them. Trust me, altering the menu is the quickest and easiest way to direct the conversation away from politics and toward the food.

What’s critical here, though, is that the food has to actually be good. If you’re going to go altering the same Thanksgiving menu the family has had since great-grandma crossed the plains in her bare feet, you have to get it right. Consider trying a Moroccan-Spiced Turkey with Aromatic Orange Pan Jus instead of the traditional shove-it-in-the-oven-and-pray turkey. This blend of spices is going to catch everyone by surprise and leaves a pleasant yet lively taste in your mouth. Then, to really throw everyone off, replace the green bean casserole of death with something like Quinoa Salad with Pistachios and Currants or maybe even Whole Roasted Carrots with Black Lentils and Green Harissa. In place of all those starchy potatoes that no one really needs, try Honey-Roasted Butternut Squash or Acorn Squash with Pomegranate and Kale Tabbouleh. Top all that with something along the lines of Grapefruit Granita with Pear-and-Pom Relish and Cherry-Port Cranberry Sauce and tongues should be wagging when their mouths aren’t full.

Disclaimer: I haven’t actually tried any of those recipes. There will only be five of us at our Thanksgiving dinner and two of those are well-indoctrinated children. I did look over all the recipes, though, and don’t find anything that seems horribly unrealistic, depending upon one’s personal tastes. I may try something along the lines of the Moroccan-spaced turkey and honey-roasted butternut squash just sounds amazing. No one here is going to be upset about messing with any tradition, though.

I also heartily recommend spiking everything possible. The punch. The tea. The coffee. The cranberry sauce. Getting everyone a little bit tipsy without getting them quite drunk puts everyone more at ease, especially if your family doesn’t normally drink. Then, in states where it is legal, adding a fair amount of a certain green herb to your dishes is not a bad idea, either. No one is going to argue if they’re all passed out on the couch. Mind you, we’re not advocating anyone break any laws (much), but if you live in Colorado, Washington, Oregon, California, or some other weed-friendly locale, you can find some herb-based recipes here.

We all know the holidays are stressful and arguments about politics just make everything that much worse. When you’re the one hosting, it’s not like you can gather up the kids and just leave when matters get heated. So, take my advice and prepare for a holiday where there is so many other things to talk about that no one gives a second thought to politics.

You’re welcome.

Fashion / PotD

As Average Size Increases, What Do We Adjust?

November 18, 2016

The average woman is no longer size 14. Do we adjust the size tables or our diets?

I was scrolling through my newsfeed yesterday and there, in the middle of all the political turmoil, was a conversation concerning a study released this past spring about an increase in the size of the average American woman. The article in question was published online in September but referenced research published back in April. The article suggested that the charts used to determine women’s sizing need to be adjusted, that we should reconsider what it means to be “normal” in the US. However, the study cited, as well as a considerable amount of other research suggests that the adjustments need to come from elsewhere, particularly our diets.

We should probably note that the issue isn’t really just related to women. The average sizing for men has increased as well. The difference is that most men either don’t care; the size of their clothing does not contain the emotional element that women experience. Men put on a size 46 sports coat where once a size 42 fit, and most just chuckle at how their body changes as they get older. Women who are accustomed to wearing a size 12 suddenly find they can’t fit into anything smaller than a size 16 and all hell is likely to break loose right there in the middle of the store. Both men and women have increased in size, but each gender regards that change quite differently.

Also, we should take note of the fact that average is a mathematical statement achieved through the comparison of multiple pieces of numerical data. Normal, on the other hand, is merely a perception. There is no science or mathematics behind what constitutes normal. We each decide for ourselves what constitutes normal based on the data we give ourselves, such as the images we see in media, the friends with whom we most frequently associate, and our relationship with family members. To confuse average with normal, which is what the article appears to do, is a grave mistake.

Make no mistake, we have a problem

The actual research on which the article was allegedly based took average body measurements from the most recently published National Health and Nutritional Examination Surveys and compared them to ASTM International industry clothing size standards. The source of those average body measurements is important. The National Health and Nutritional Examination Survey used make the following statement:

Despite the public health gains in recent years, more Americans are overweight than ever before. Today, more than half of the adults in the U.S. are overweight, and the number of overweight children and teens has doubled in the past decade. This has led public health experts to look for ways to improve both diet and fitness.

This is far from being new information. In fact, the information used for the study was from a 2010 survey. If anything, the problem has grown significantly. Obesity is defined by most in the medical community as a body mass index (BMI) of 30 or above. BMI is calculated using height and weight. For example, a 5-foot, 9-inch adult who weighs 203 pounds would have a BMI of 30, thus putting this person into the obese category. The accuracy of using BMI is challenged by many in the fitness community since muscle weighs more than fat (a well-toned body can still have a BMI over 30). However, the majority of Americans can’t use the fitness excuse quite simply because they don’t exercise at all.

What concerns us in this particular conversation is that more women are obese than men. I know, that’s not what we expect, but that’s what the numbers show. A 2012 update to the 2010 study showed that 33.7% of men and 36.5% of women were obese. Prevalence was highest for non-Hispanic black women (56.7%). If you live in the South or the Midwest, you’re practically doomed. No wonder we don’t fit into the same clothes we wore five years ago, or maybe even last year! We have a problem!

Sizing charts don’t help matters

If the real issue here is a health matter, then why are we getting upset with the sizing charts? There really is no benefit to making adjustments so that what is now a size 20 suddenly becomes a size 16. We call that vanity sizing and it only serves to confuse an already impossible to understand the system. The ASTM International charts for women sizing look something like this (warning, the table may not display correctly on all mobile devices):

Catalog misses’ sizes: 5’5″-5’6″ (165–168 cm) tall, average bust, average back
Dimension/size	4	6	8	10	12	14	16	18	20
Closest standard size	10	12	14		16	18		20	22
Est. height	5’4″ (162.5 cm)	5’4″ (162.5 cm)	5’4.5″ (164 cm)	5’5″ (165 cm)	5’4″ (162.5 cm)	5’6.5″ (169 cm)	5’6″ (168 cm)	5’6″ (168 cm)	5’6.5″ (169 cm)
Est. weight lb (kg)	115 (52)	125 (57)	135 (61)	145 (66)	155 (70)	165 (75)	175 (79)	180 (81.5)	195 (88.5)
Bust	34	35	36	37	38.5	40	41.5	43	44.5
Waist	25	26	27	28	29.5	31	32.5	34	35.5
Hip	35.5	36.5	37.5	38.5	40	41.5	43	44.5	46

So, what if your body deviates from those numbers? What if your hips are larger but your bust is smaller? What if your waistline never recovered from having a couple of kids?

What’s important to realize is that this chart is an attempt to provide a standard so that the size 10 you buy in one store generally matches the size 10 one buys in a different store. Only, that doesn’t actually happen. There’s no law that says apparel manufacturers have to follow the standard. Making matters even more confusing, international clothing companies, including favorites such as Burberry, Chanel, and Dior, all use very different European charts when sizing their clothing.

Don’t think that no one is paying attention, either. Back in 2002 ASTM proposed “new labeling standards that include actual body measurements in addition to numerical values.” Even more, ANSI documents state that: “Studies conducted by ASTM in the 1980s indicated overwhelming consumer endorsement for the inclusion of body dimensions on clothing labels.” However, both retailers and fashion labels have fought such labeling for fear that women will shy away from clothing that reveals their actual measurements.

You control the change

If retailers and fashion labels are going to ignore recommended changes to sizing standards, then it is up to each of us to decide how we are going to respond when we no longer fit into the size clothing we think we should fit. Personally, I solve the problem for myself by buying suspenders. My weight fluctuates considerably by season according to the amount of exercise I get. So, my slacks range anywhere from a size 42 to 36, and quite honestly, even the 36 is a little large at the moment. With such fluctuations, I would have to buy new pants every couple of months if I were relying on a belt. Suspenders solves that problem. Sort of.

One has other options as well. Choosing clothing that only comes sized S, M, or L removes a bit o the stigma (or guilt) of not fitting into a size 6. Of course, those garments are not going to be tailored to fit the curves of one’s body, but in case you haven’t noticed, fashions have been getting looser and more flowing for a few seasons now. Most minimalist designs are especially good about leaving room for things such as seasonal weight fluctuations.

Of course, one might actually consider losing weight and exercising, but we both know that’s not always the answer we need. If you are already obese (don’t worry, we won’t tell), then you should consult your doctor before making any radical changes in diet and /or exercise. Many of the fad diets that you’ll find in magazines and online can actually be quite dangerous, especially if one has an undiagnosed health issue. Sure, we’d all like to not be obese, but we would still like to be among the living as well. Don’t let a dress size send you into a self-destructive diet that only makes matters worse.

We end here: changing the sizing charts doesn’t alter the fact that, as a nation, we’re overweight. Until we get our over-sized asses in gear and address that problem appropriately, then no, we’re not going to fit in the size clothing we want. Don’t blame fashion for the problem. Blame that fast food line you keep finding yourself sitting in. Blame the three cases of soda you consume in a week. Blame the holidays. Blame genetics. Blame whatever the problem really is and then fix it.

The power is totally yours.

Current Issues / pop culture

You Can’t Handle The Post-Truth

November 17, 2016

Exchanging facts for whatever stokes our emotions can only end in fiction

If I told you that mac & cheese was legally the official food of six-year-olds, would you believe me? Probably not, because you’re not likely to have much, if any, emotional connection to the subject. However, if I told you that red meat had been outlawed and you were only allowed one soda a month, then you might respond. You’d at least read whatever article followed and if it appeared that your dietary habits were being forcibly altered you would be more likely to actually share the article so as to express your outrage. How dare anyone tell you what you can or cannot eat?

Welcome to the post-truth world.

What is post-truth? Post-truth is the Oxford Dictionaries word(s) of the year. Defined as “relating to or denoting circumstances in which objective facts are less influential in shaping public opinion than appeals to emotion and personal belief,” the use of the adjective has been dominant in discussions of both the UK decision to leave the EU and the US presidential election. Since use of the word shows no sign if slowing down, both the UK and US versions of the dictionary are adding the word to their pages.

The prevailing question, at least in my mind, is whether we can “handle” the post-truth. Societies generally rely on factual information is they are to survive. If we replace objective facts with something derived purely from emotion, what does that do to our society? Can we survive if the bulk of information we’re receiving is fiction? The danger seems to be very real and very pertinent.

Who is making up this nonsense?

There’s been a lot of talk recently about who is to blame for all the false post-truth news that is circulating on the Internet. A lot of people seem to enjoy blaming Facebook (FB), but FB’s CEO, Mark Zuckerberg plays down that idea. Zuckerberg says, “Personally, I think the idea that fake news on Facebook — it’s a very small amount of the content — influenced the election in any way is a pretty crazy idea.”

Something tells me Zuckerberg’s newsfeed looks a lot different than mine does. I’ve blocked a number of sources already, but every time I do a dozen more seem to pop up in their place. How does that happen? WHY does that happen?

As it turns out, there are a bunch of pimply-faced teens in Macedonia who think creating propaganda websites is great fun. According to BuzzFeed:

Over the past year, the Macedonian town of Veles (population 45,000) has experienced a digital gold rush as locals launched at least 140 US politics websites. These sites have American-sounding domain names such as WorldPoliticus.com, TrumpVision365.com, USConservativeToday.com, DonaldTrumpNews.co, and USADailyPolitics.com. They almost all publish aggressively pro-Trump content aimed at conservatives and Trump supporters in the US.

Isn’t that lovely. Our entire nation is being trolled by a group of teenagers who are stuck in the Balkans. I understand their boredom. What I don’t understand is why we fell for it all so very heavily. Why does the post-truth content bait us so very easily? I can’t find any direct reasons but one has to assume, based on everything else I’m reading, that we believe the nonsense because it fits the version of truth we have created in our own heads. If we want Mrs. Clinton to be prosecuted for some email offense, then we’re more likely to believe a story that follows that narrative, even if there is nothing else that corroborates that story. We are willing making ourselves gullible fools.

There is no good, only bad and ugly

With the whole post-truth problem comes the challenge of knowing which sources are legitimate and which are not. There are times when they all look the same. The number of so-called “media outlets” has exploded over the past five years making it nearly impossible for the average person to keep up with those that are actually trying to present the correct information and those that are intentionally making us look like fools.

To that end, Melissa Zimdars, assistant professor of communication & media at Merrimack College in Massachusetts, created a list named “False, Misleading, Clickbait-y, and Satirical ‘News’ Sources.” The list started with only a couple dozen sites but has expanded considerably. Ms. Zimdar states in one of the updates to the list:

I’ve received hundreds of emails with suggestions, very few of which are duplicates, so it will take me a while to sift through and verify them. I will add them as appropriate.

She is also receiving help from librarians and plans on adding more details to her list as time allows. The problem is a serious one. At the very least, those who are conscientious about separating truth from fiction would do well to go through Ms. Zimdars’ list and make sure all the sites are blocked from their newsfeeds. Remember, the people behind this are only in it for the money. If we take away their access to our newsfeeds, they don’t make money and will move on to other activities, hopefully, something along the line of finding a cheaper wi-fi solution.

Oh, but this problem gets so much worse the longer we look at it.

When Adm. Michael Rogers, who leads both the NSA and US Cyber Command, says there shouldn’t be “any doubt in anybody’s mind” that there was “a conscious effort by a nation-state” to sway the result of the 2016 presidential election, we should begin trembling with fear. Specifically, it seems almost certain that Russian hackers obtained email from the Democratic National Committee and then only release to Wikileaks those it felt would most damage Mrs. Clinton’s campaign. Wikileaks then, in a very post-truth manner, ran with the emails, couching them in terms that gave an appearance of wrong-doing even though such was not the case.

When post-truth tactics are used to alter the democratic process, we have to make very sure that we are doing something to eliminate this danger to national security.

So, here’s what ya’ gotta do

No! Do NOT go take a nap, even if you do look so nice and innocent when you do. At the very least, as we mention above, one needs to black every known fake news source from their social media feeds. Facebook has had that ability for quite a while and Twitter just recently added similar capabilities as well. Use them . Block the nonsense before it ever has a chance to get into your brain.

Ms. Zimdars also offers the following suggestions:

Avoid websites that end in “lo” ex: Newslo (above). These sites take pieces of accurate information and then packaging that information with other false or misleading “facts” (sometimes for the purposes of satire or comedy).
Watch out for websites that end in “.com.co” as they are often fake versions of real news sources
Watch out if known/reputable news sites are not also reporting on the story. Sometimes lack of coverage is the result of corporate media bias and other factors, but there should typically be more than one source reporting on a topic or event.
Odd domain names generally equal odd and rarely truthful news.
Lack of author attribution may, but not always, signify that the news story is suspect and requires verification.
Some news organizations are also letting bloggers post under the banner of particular news brands; however, many of these posts do not go through the same editing process (ex: BuzzFeed Community Posts, Kinja blogs, Forbes blogs).
Check the “About Us” tab on websites or look up the website on Snopes or Wikipedia for more information about the source.
Bad web design and use of ALL CAPS can also be a sign that the source you’re looking at should be verified and/or read in conjunction with other sources.
If the story makes you REALLY ANGRY it’s probably a good idea to keep reading about the topic via other sources to make sure the story you read wasn’t purposefully trying to make you angry (with potentially misleading or false information) in order to generate shares and ad revenue.
If the website you’re reading encourages you to DOX individuals, it’s unlikely to be a legitimate source of news.
It’s always best to read multiple sources of information to get a variety of viewpoints and media frames.

Post-truth tactics only work when we don’t. If we’re paying attention, verifying our sources as we were taught in high school, then the power of post-truth nonsense is tremendously diminished. We can eliminate this threat simply by removing the profit incentive for those who create such trash. If the concept of having a bigoted, fear-mongering, xenophobic, homophobic, backward-driving administration bothers you, then you have to take responsibility for shutting down the post-truth information that makes its way in front of your eyes.

This is your country you’re saving. Can you handle the post-truth? I hope you can.

Editorial / Photography / PotD

Remembering A Moment Past

November 16, 2016

charles i. letbetter - remembering a pleasant moment past

When the emotions of this moment are too much, remembering the pleasure of a moment past helps us to move forward

My brain is thoroughly fried. Too little sleep, too much worry, and too many emotions have left me dead. I had an article in mind for early this morning, but by the time I got Kat and the kids off to school I was no longer capable of writing what needed to be written. Perhaps tomorrow.

So, what I’m giving you today is a set of never-before-seen photos from a 2009 shoot with Olivia. She and Tristan had recently moved into their house out in the middle of absolutely nowhere, just a couple of miles past the end of the earth. There was drywall and lumber and paint scattered about. The birds were making noise. Spike insisted on being in the pictures. Tristan made killer bacon cheeseburgers for lunch. It was a good day.

A lot has changed since then. Sadly, Spike is no longer with us. Liv and Tristan have repainted and finished (I think) most the adjustments they were wanting to make. Tristan has grown a killer mustache but he never lets me take pictures of it. He’s shy like that (and everyone who knows him just laughed). Liv’s changed jobs, rarely has time for modeling, and has more important matters to attend to.

We had a fun afternoon back then, though, and more pleasant memories like that keep me hopeful that maybe, just maybe, we’ll have nice days like that again. Eventually. Maybe. Assuming we survive. Enjoy the pictures.

pop culture / Social Commentary

Better Yourself, Better The World

November 15, 2016

You say you want a better world. The solution is to work toward a better you.

There are a lot of people, probably a couple of billion at this point, who are unhappy with the condition of the world. Everyone has their own idea as to what it might take to make the world, or at least their corner of it, great again. However, regardless of one’s political leanings, the reality is that the world is made up of some seven billion individuals. If we want our world to be better, our first move is to make ourselves better.

The Internet is chock-full of lists for how you can make yourself better. The problem is that, much the “news” on sees on Facebook, not all the information in those lists can be trusted. For example, the list linked at the beginning of this paragraph recommends taking a cold shower every morning because, allegedly, Tony Robbins jumps into a pool of 57-degree water every morning. DO NOT TAKE THAT ADVICE! There’s a damn good reason we take warm showers. In water below 77°F, one’s breathing begins to be affected. If one is in water between 70°-60°, most people should be in some kind of protective thermal suit to avoid loss of breathing control. Water temperatures between 60°-50° are considered extremely dangerous and possibly even life threatening for the majority of people. Total loss of breathing control. Maximum intensity cold shock. Unable to control gasping and hyperventilation. So, maybe the advice on that list isn’t all the good.

There are safe things you can do, however, that will help improve your life. You won’t see a big change all at once, but give it six months and then look back. You’ll be amazed. Let’s get started.

Develop A Routine

There are times when spontaneity is good for you, but it’s not the ideal way for living your life. Our minds process information and our bodies operate more efficiently when they have some sense of what’s coming next. Little things like getting up at the same time every morning, getting dressed in the same order, and taking breaks at the same general time all help us to put a maximum amount of effort into our day without becoming fatigued as quickly.

Follow your body’s natural biorhythms and do your best work when your mind is most alert and schedule less intense activities when you’re not likely to have a lot of access energy making you fidgety. The biggest challenge to a schedule, of course, is following it. You don’t have to be rigid and precise in all your activities, but having a regular routine can make a lot of difference.

Prepare for your day the night before

My alarm goes off at 4:00 AM every morning. Everyone else in the house is still asleep. Lights are off. Vision is limited. I have to try to get dressed and get the dog out of the house for his walk without waking everyone else. How do we do that? By preparing the night before. I lay out my clothes, make note of where I’ve put my shoes, socks, coat, and glasses, and make sure my path is clear before going to bed. As a result, even if I still have a little bit of a hangover I can still get up and take the dog on his walk without any confusion.

The same goes for children. Having their clothes ready and their school materials by the door before they get up helps make their mornings so much easier. They’re less cranky, which I’m sure their teachers appreciate. Yes, this takes some planning and means one can’t just fall asleep anywhere. However, just five minutes of preparation before going to bed can reduce the stress of the morning significantly. Couldn’t we all do with a little stress right about now?

Plug Into The World

I am convinced that one of the biggest mistakes we can make is ignoring what is going on in the world. While we like to focus on ourselves, we must realize that we are all part of a much larger organism. Not only do our actions affect the world, the world also affects our actions. We need to pay attention to know that needs are direct involvement and for what we might passively await. Not doing can leave us disconnected and uninformed at some of the most important and critical moments of our lives.

For example, I was on the highway driving into downtown Atlanta when the tragedies of 9/11 occurred. Fear overwhelmed me when the second plane hit the World Trade Center. To keep my stomach from convulsing, I turned off the radio. At the moment, that seemed like the most intelligent thing to do. What I missed, though, was the information regarding possible targets in Atlanta. As a result, I parked in the tower at CNN as I almost always did when downtown. 20 minutes later, the tower was evacuated and no one was allowed to enter until several hours later. I was stuck in the middle of a developing tragedy with no way to get back home.

I know the news isn’t always pleasant and at the moment there is a lot of concern as to which news is true. Personally, I use Reuters and NPR as my primary sources in the morning. They come about as close as anyone to getting it right. Plug into the world so you can proceed with knowledge rather than ignorance.

Do Work That Means Something

Note immediately that I’m not necessarily talking about whatever one does for income. There are times in our lives, hopefully brief, where we take on work that is merely tolerable in order to secure the basic necessities of life. Regardless of how one feels about their occupation, though, one can still do work that matters. We’re not necessarily talking about anything elaborate or glamorous. Caring for your children or elderly parents isn’t likely to win any civic humanitarian awards but is some of the most important work on the planet. Work that matters is rarely glamorous but society’s success depends on that work taking place.

Work of compassion, work that perhaps involves some sacrifice, work that serves others, work that heals, and so many other things are all work that matters. Work that creates beauty, opens doors for others to succeed, and in any way benefits humanity are worth every minute of time we give them. Toss in educating yourself and sharing your knowledge with others while you’re at it. You did not get where you are, you have not survived to this point, without someone else doing work that matters. Now it’s your turn. Make sure the work gets done.

Listen to music

To me, it just makes sense that music be a part of our lives. I can’t imagine a day going by without it. However, over the past 30+ years I’ve come across a surprising number of people who, for a variety of reasons, either didn’t or weren’t able to listen to music at any point during their day. None of those were happy people. They had a dim outlook on the world and their attitudes reflected that outlook.

Music’s benefit our lives is extremely well documented and there are so many sources now that it seems almost absurd, at least for those in the US, that anyone would have to go a single moment without music if they don’t want to. I think it can also be important to share music that means something to us. As well all listen to different genres and styles, there are some songs that reach deep into our souls. Sharing that music can be just the thing that helps someone else get through the day. So, in that spirit, here’s the playlist I’m listening to while writing this article:

Be A Pet Person

Everyone needs a pet. It doesn’t have to be furry, it doesn’t have to have legs, it simply is any animal that depends upon you for its care. Pets do this tricky thing where they allow us to think we’re providing a service for them when what is actually happening is that they’re providing a service for us. They’re giving us something to love, something toward which we can exercise compassion, a companion with whom we can share our deepest secrets.

Again, multiple studies have proven the psychological benefits of having pets. There are too many times when we don’t feel as though we can trust our fellow humans, but we can trust our pets. We perceive emotion coming from them when we fail to feel emotion from anyone else. Sure, some people have allergies to different types of pets, but I truly believe there is a pet out there, somewhere, for everyone. Give it a try. You might be surprised how attached one can become to a fish.

Don’t Be Afraid To Nap

One of the things you’ll see on a lot of self-help lists is getting seven or eight hours of sleep per night. That’s nice, but for a lot of people that much down time in one setting just isn’t possible. There are clothes to wash, rooms to clean, and other matters that keep us up longer than we might wish. While consecutive hours of sleep is certainly ideal, when that is not possible there is absolutely no shame in taking a nap. Personally, I hold two different spots in my schedule as options for napping. While I typically don’t need both of them, maintaining that option gives me the flexibility to attend to that need at the point it seems likely to do the most good.

What seems to be the biggest issue here is that we associate napping with being lazy. Nothing could be further from the truth. Taking a short nap refreshes the mind and reinvigorates creativity to keep us going through the rest of the day. Naps can also play an important health role for anyone who might have heart or lung disease as the downtime allows our body a chance to recuperate from the exhaustion of activity. Don’t be afraid to give it a try. Just remember to set an alarm.

Love Someone

Note here that we’re not necessarily talking about romantic love, though I’m certainly not opposed to that. Romantic love can be difficult for some people to find, though, and even where it exists it can be fleeting and leave one empty. What’s more important is that we learn to love people in the non-romantic sense, caring about who they are as individuals simply because they are people. Showing compassion toward someone, giving of ourselves without expecting anything in return, exercising selflessness rather than selfishness are all ways of showing love to the people we have in our lives.

One example might be the conversations I have with the widowers in our neighborhood. I’m not sure why it is, but there is an unusually large number of widowers who live right around us. A couple of extended family, but three of them do not. They have no one. They’re all older, they all have dogs, and they all walk through the neighborhood on a daily basis, pretty much on the same schedule every day. Stepping outside to say hi, strike up a moments’ conversation, checking to make sure they’re doing okay, makes a visible difference in their lives. They frequently arrive with their head down but always leave with their head up, almost always smiling, and with a bit of spring in their step.

Loving people isn’t difficult when one removes the sexual relationship away from the equation. All we have to do is accept them as the humans they are and show compassion. A few seconds of our time can make someone else’s entire day go better.

And there is where we begin to see the return. As we make our lives better, as we learn to love more people, to give of ourselves, we make a difference in the world. The one for whom we show compassion and kindness is more likely to share that compassion with someone else, creating a chain of humanity that compounds with every iteration. As we improve ourselves, we provide the seed for grown and progress around the globe.

No, we don’t always see the results right before our eyes. We rarely know the extent of the influence our actions have. However, to the extent we do good, both for ourselves and for others, we do good for the entire planet.

Very few people are satisfied with the world in its current state. Rather than complaining, however, perhaps we would do better to put our efforts more toward improving our own lives first.

Current Issues / Hashtag Philosophy / PotD

I Want America

November 15, 2016

#IWantAmerica started as a game but ended up showing our dissatisfaction with the country

We reveal much about ourselves in the way we play games, make comments, and interact with the world. Early yesterday morning, the hashtag #IWantAmerica emerged on Twitter and it was interesting not because of any particularly insightful or witty responses as is often the case, but more for the ways in which the hashtag showed how very dissatisfied with our country and each other we are. Some tweets were downright mean in their attack on differing points of view. Some, sadly, were unapologetically racists or homophobic. If there is a reason the hashtag didn’t trend for long it is likely because the hate being expressed was too much for anyone to enjoy reading.

At the same time, though, the hashtag was also taken up in a very different tone by those, primarily students, stuck overseas. For them, the hashtag reflected why they actually miss the US. Their tweets said things like, “I’m running out of my day’s allotment of Internet #IWantAmerica,” and “My card doesn’t work at foreign ATMs. #IWantAmerica.” Sometimes we don’t appreciate the little things until we are deprived of them.

While the game itself quickly dwindled and died, the concept of what I want from America, the kind of nation I expect America to be, stayed with me all day. I am an idealist in that I expect a lot from my country. I expect the collective, corporate body to behave better than I do on my own. I expect the nation to be smarter than any one individual, to have better foresight, to be more thoughtful in its actions. While we, as individuals, might fail through our foolishness, I expect our country to succeed through our combined wisdom. Let me elaborate.

#IWantAmerica to keep its promises

We don’t have a great track record for keeping our promises as Americans. Most notably, we have continually gone back on treaties with made with those who occupied this land before us. The current situation at Standing Rock, where the Dakota Access Pipeline threatens native burial grounds and endangers drinking water, is but the latest example of a litany of grievances native peoples have against the government. While I’m pleased that the U.S. Army Corp of Engineers that is responsible for the placement of the pipeline is looking for alternatives, I am saddened that it too massive protests to lead them to what should have been an automatic priority when the pipeline was first considered. Then, as native protestors were beaten and mistreated, more promises were broken. #IWantAmerica to start keeping its promises, all of them, to native tribes.

#IWantAmerica to keep its promise to provide for the safety and common welfare of all its citizens, not just the privileged few. While we are concerned at the rise in threats against minorities since the election, those actions are just a reflection of the increasing violence and hate crimes that has been growing across our country for years. Compounding that problem is the fact that, increasingly, hate crimes are being committed with a religious bias.

The First Amendment of the Constitution, that document which allegedly contains our core values, promises the ability for one to worship in any way they please. So how is it that Bible study members at a black church get shot? How is it that mosques and temples have their members threatened and their facilities vandalized? How is it that if we are not judging people by the color of their skin we’re judging them by the belief system they profess? We’re breaking that fundamental promise of the First Amendment and it’s disgusting.

#IWantAmerica to respect all people without exception

Social media justifiably exploded yesterday as word of a West Virginia non-profit director called First Lady Michelle Obama an “ape in heels.” The severe error in judgment was compounded when the town’s mayor agreed with the statement. The comments do not come as a surprise for anyone of color, though. The undercurrent of racism long present in our country moved to the surface the day Barack Obama took the oath of office as president and has only grown worse over the past eight years. America is, to put it in derogatory terms, a large group of racist jackasses trying desperately to hold on to power they don’t actually have.

#IWantAmerica to get past the racist nonsense. The civil war ended over 150 years ago. There’s no damn good reason to keep flying Confederate battle flags. There’s no reason to continue treating and speaking of people of color, ANY color, as second-class citizens or as some form of animal. We should be ashamed that people of color are afraid to even walk down the street for fear of being harassed. This isn’t the ideal on which the United States was founded. Our continued embracement of racism, through policy, in practice, and in things as simple as Facebook statuses and appointment of chief strategists is beneath us. This is not who we claim to be. This is not who we should be.

There should be no exception in who we accept in this country. America was founded, from the very moment those pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock, that those who were not welcome anywhere else in the world could come here and be free. Then, from the moment those pilgrims actually set foot on the soil, we promptly forgot that ideal. #IWantAmerica to be a place for everyone without exception. There should be no need for classification of race nor of gender nor of marital status nor of sexuality nor of religion. We are all Americans and that should be quite enough, thank you.

#IWantAmerica to be intelligent

There is much I don’t know. My children are smarter than I am but there is still much they don’t know. I have mad respect for the intellect demonstrated by people such as Neil DeGrasse Tyson and Stephen Hawking but both will admit there is still much they don’t know. There never will be one person who contains the whole of all there is to know. Our potential strength and intellect lie in the combined forces of all our minds, not just a few. To the extent that many of us are not cooperating not only makes us appear stupid but endangers the entire country. Where we do not embrace wisdom, understanding, and knowledge, we leave ourselves vulnerable to those who do. What we don’t know can hurt us.

Anti-intellectualism has always been present in America and it is high time we drove out that thread rather than letting it take hold. When we deny knowledge, when we believe in mythologies rather than facts, when the truth becomes too inconvenient for our lifestyles, we place ourselves in grave danger. Our policies and our actions should be based upon our combined intellect and understanding of how the world works and is operating. If we see that global temperatures are rising and creating a long-term threat to our very existence should we not look to solve that problem rather than denying it even exists?

We have the ability to do great things, to make millions of lives better, to solve problems that have plagued us for years, but doing so requires a combined intelligence. We can’t make progress if half the country decides to skip science class because it conflicts with the mythologies being preached in a pulpit. Our greatest shortcomings arise from our collective ignorance, our purposeful inability to see past our own selfish existence and the desires that entail. We must stop running from reason and logic

#IWantAmerica to be better than it is. I want us to lead not from a position of military power but one of superior reason and understanding. I want us to lead with compassion, not from the ability to kick someone out at will. I want us to lead from a position of acceptance, not exclusion.

#IWantAmerica to be the best it possibly can be. I think you do, too. Why don’t we work toward that goal?

Fashion / Music

Songs For Dealing With This Reality

November 13, 2016

When it seems the universe has yanked life from your control and turned it against you, music reminds you to keep going and push back

There are so many people we know who are having difficulty finding ways to process the degree to which their reality changed this week. Political decisions made this week generate fear for many, making others severely anxious, and outright depressing for some. Trying to figure out how to pick up the pieces and continue on is a real challenge for many.

We don’t have any answers. We looked for some and came up empty. We cannot unify behind hatred. We cannot continue on with our lives as though nothing happened. We cannot forgive those whose sole reason for voting was to dominate and suppress the civil rights of others. We just can’t.

This is when we look to music to get us through the day. The powers of music to alter our emotions, to subdue the anxiety and depression and worry and pull them all down to manageable levels is extremely well documented. We listen, we feel better, we stay alive.

Music won’t make the situation at hand go away. Neither does protesting in the streets, by the way. We’re all better off, for now, staying in, hugging and comforting each other, and carefully watching what happens next. If action is required, we will take it. Until then, we have our music to get us through. We’ve chosen 25 songs we think can help keep us moving forward. At the end, I’ll give you a link to the whole playlist. Be of hope and good cheer.

Songs 1-5

Songs 6-10

Song 11-15

Songs 16-25

That’s what we’ve got for you. Total play time is right around an hour and 28 minutes. If you want the full playlist, I’m adding that link below. We hope this helps.

Credit for pictures in this article:

Models: Rebekkah Perrigrin & Emily Comstock
Makeup: Danelle French
Hair: Kelly Walsh
Styling: Lila Palomares & Allyson Brooks

Current Issues / Just For Fun / PotD

If Trump Can Be President Anything Is Possible

November 13, 2016

charles i. letbetter - nothing is impossible

The wheels have come off reason and the laws of physics muted. If Donald Trump is indeed going to be President, we have to assume anything can happen next.

Like many people, we’re still trying to wrap our heads around exactly what happened this week and how that is going to affect our future. Will we even have a future beyond mid-February? Everything seems incredibly uncertain, frightening on many levels, and leaves us totally disoriented and confused.

Reason, apparently, has taken a holiday. The laws of physics have been muted. If Donald Trump is our president-elect, and there seems to be very little chance of avoiding that outcome, then we have to assume that the same lack of logic, absence of reason, and denial of the physical order of the universe applies to everything else as well. If that is the case, then there is truly no limit to what could happen next. I mean, look, we’ve already seen the Chicago Cubs win the World Series! Who saw that coming? No one in Cleaveland, I’m sure!

We have to assume, as frightening as the prospects now seem, that the next four years are likely to be full of the impossible. While that leaves the door open to some really horrible things, we would like to think that perhaps some good things could happen before reason returns and sets everything back to the way it should be. I’ve tried to keep my imagination in check a little bit, but then I remind myself that a year ago we didn’t expect Trump to even survive the primaries. Everything’s on the table, folks, which means anything could happen.

Smoking is actually good for you

No one born after 1970 is likely to believe this, but prior to the U.S. Surgeon General’s warning against the use of tobacco in 1964, everyone smoked, including doctors. There were even ads in popular magazines where “doctors” touted the “health benefits” of smoking. You know, thinks like calming anxiety and curing depression. Then, someone figured out that the cigarette companies were lacing the tobacco with nasty chemicals and that the damn things cause cancer. This is why you likely don’t know too many people born before 1940—they’re all dead.

However, in this new reality of ours, I fully expect someone at one of the tobacco giants to come up with a way to replace the bad chemicals with good chemicals so that smoking actually becomes the most reliable cure for cancer rather than a direct cause of the disease. You’ll stop seeing that pesky warning that no one reads and a new Joe Camel cartoon is set to debut on NBC next fall. Everything is hunky dory and the new cigarettes smell like daisies. Life is wonderful.

Cleaveland Browns Win The Super Bowl

The city of Cleaveland has long been known for its group of really bad sports teams. All that bad luck seems to be changing, though. Sort of. The MLB Indians are the Hillary Clinton of baseball this year. At least they made it to the World Series, right? And how about those Cavs? They’re getting the young NBA season off to a good start with a division-leading 7-1 record. So, this could be the year for the hapless Browns to return to the playoffs and take the Super Bowl, right?

I hope you believe in miracles. The poor Browns currently hold the NFL’s worst record for the season at 0-10. Any other year and fans would just stay home, or try trading their Browns tickets for Cavs tickets on some 3 for 1 deal. But hey, if Donald Trump can be president, then whose to say the Browns can’t come back in the latter part of the season, win all their remaining games (they play Dallas this afternoon), and dominate the Super Bowl! Folks in Cleaveland just have to believe! It almost worked for the Indians!

Everyone forgets George W. Bush was president, goes down in history as a painter

Back when reason and logic still applied to the universe, most people knew George W. Bush as the 43rd president of the United States. However, inside this new reality, no one thinks of Mr. Bush in political terms at all. Instead, he is much better known for his portraits of wounded warriors. Okay, so they just happen to be soldiers who were wounded while carrying out the former president’s own diabolical orders, but that minor fact is conveniently swept under the rug and only brought out for the most soever of bar-room trivia challenges.

Mr. Bush has long enjoyed painting, and if his mommy and daddy hadn’t pushed so hard for their children to go into politics he could have chased after his dream of being an artist much earlier in life. Just think of the thousands, if not millions of lives that would have been saved had Mr. Bush simply painted the portraits of Afghan children rather than bombing them. With a political past as ugly and brutal as George W’s, such an artistic whitewashing of history is likely to be just what is needed to get his work hung in the National Gallery. We’ll forget about all that nasty war stuff. Life is beautiful.

Zombies are real and they prefer chocolate pudding

Everyone already likes the idea of zombies. We just never really wanted them to be real because of that whole eating your brains thing. We don’t seem to have any problem with the walking stiff and losing one’s vocabulary. If zombies weren’t murderous beasts, then we’d love to have them over for dinner. If Donald Trump can be president, then why can’t zombies be cool? After all, that whole brain thing is simply because someone got the reanimation serum wrong. Tweak a few things here and there and I see absolutely no reason why we can’t have zombies who prefer chocolate pudding instead of brains.

Granted, if zombies make as much a fuss over chocolate pudding as they do for brains then the refrigerated aisle of your local grocery store is going to be a perpetual mess. Zombies apparently lose use of their motor skills as well, so I’m not sure they would do all that well with a spoon. The good folks at Kraft Foods are probably going to want to reconsider repackaging those ready-to-eat pudding cups and make them a bit bigger. Pudding pops might need a redesign as well. Still, wouldn’t it be nice to know that your favorite undead neighbor can be so easily placated? Who knows, maybe they’ll all turn a nice shade of milk chocolate rather than that putrid green.

The Pope disavows Christianity and converts to Buddhism

Citing the constant infighting and religious fear-mongering among Christians, the Pope has announced plans to completely disavow Christianity and take up Buddhism instead. St.Peter’s basilica will be turned into a Buddhist temple with yoga and meditation classes held weekly in the Vatican courtyard. “This whole god-thing just wasn’t working out for me,” the Pope says. “There were too many rules and regulations and as I get older I have more trouble remembering all the names of those damned saints. Buddhism is much easier and I still get to hide my pasta gut under loose robes.”

Not everyone is likely to be pleased by this turn of events, however. The Dali Lama could be quoted as saying, “Hey, Buddhism is my gig, man! Stay over on the Western side of religion, dude. We don’t want your kind in the East.” The overall effect, however, is rather pleasant as former Catholics stop worrying about confession and put their efforts into developing a more comfortable yoga mat. The mass meditation allows more people to come to peace with Donald Trump’s presidency.

Bob Dillon is beatified as Saint Bob even though he isn’t dead

With the Popa having abdicated and gone over to Buddhism, the Nobel Prize committee took on the task of beatifying new saints. In their first official meeting, the committee decided to make Bob Dillon the next American saint. When asked exactly what Dillon did to deserve such an honor, the committee cited the miracles of his continued ability to stand upright for more than 15 minutes and whatever magic it is that allows anyone to understand his song lyrics without being stoned off their ass. After thinking about it over a highball or two, critics agreed that Saint Bob makes as much sense in this new world as the award for poetry the committee gave Dillon earlier this year.

Mr. Dillon, however, still refuses to answer the committee’s phone calls. In fact, Dillon remains largely unseen except when popping up for the occasional concert in Madison Square Garden or on pieces of toast in Brazil. One associate of Dillon’s record label sent a note to the Nobel committee asking if the beatification came with any super powers, such as flying or the ability to carrying a recognizable tune, but the committee has yet to respond.

Climate flip-flops make Minnesota the nation’s premiere beach destination

While president-elect Trump is working hard to find a way out of the international climate change treaty, the actual climate decided to take matters into its own hands and flip-flopped, making Northern states warm while Southern states such as Florida and Texas are left shivering until multiple feet of snow from November until July. As a result, Minnesota, with all its thousands of lakes, is now the resort capitol of the world. Retirees and college students have been flocking to the state faster than condominium and beachfront hotel construction can be completed.

While this sudden shift in both climate and population caught native Minnesotans off guard, they’ve generally taken the changes in stride, increasing their production of dairy products and importing Amish from Pennsylvania to help with the resort barn raising and such. However, the change has not helped attendance at local Lutheran churches, who have been in a quandary now that they no longer have weekly arguments with the Catholics.

Women assert their power and become dominatrixes

While publicly decrying the misogyny and sexual assault found in the poorly written best-seller Fifty Shades of Grey, women have long enjoyed the sexual fantasies contained in the book. They have taken a special interest in those related to the BDSM fetish but have been reluctant to let any man have that kind of control of their bodies. So, in response to Donald Trump become president, women across the United States have all decided to answer their power and become dominatrixes. Fashion houses everywhere are attempting to respond to this new authoritarian shopper with lines of clothing made of vegan leather.

Men, on the other hand, are shaking in horror. Having long mistreated women for generations, the thought that they now all have access to whips and chains doesn’t seem nearly as exciting to men as it did when they were watching porn. Many men have gone missing, with most presumed to be hiding in Canadian logging camps. Women have vowed to chase them down, however, and force them to build a wall to which they can all be chained. Some fear this move could emasculate the Trump administration, but Melania has firmly told everyone that they shouldn’t worry.

Vice President-elect Pence dies in toilet paper accident

Long known as one of the biggest turds in the Republican party, vice president-elect Mike Pence was touring the Koch Industries plant that makes Quilted Northern toilet paper when a large spool of the stuff mysteriously slipped off its roller, suffocating the Indiana governor in three tons of quilted softness. No one at the plant was able to explain exactly how the accident happened, but one worker did say that a stray cat had been seen wandering around the premises of late, randomly knocking items off tables for no apparent reason.

While janitorial staff worked quickly to clean up the mess, some workers complained that there were still brown streaks left on the floor and that it was impossible to get the putrid odor out of their work uniforms. The Koch brothers denied any responsibility for the event, saying that they merely manufactured the toilet paper and had no control over how it was used. President-elect Trump says that he plans to sue just as soon as he gets over this current bought of diarrhea.

Space/Time continuum rips apart, Michelle Obama becomes president

Unable to handle the severe stress of a Donald Trump presidency, the space/time continuum rips apart, destroying reality as it currently exists and resetting order to the universe by installing Michelle Obama as president of the United States. Within minutes of having done so, the earth began to heal, rainbows were seen on every corner, and all military operations came to an end. At the same time, production of vegetables more than tripled. Yoga was declared the national exercise program and floral arrangement is now the best-paid career position in the world. Children around the world suddenly realized that their parents have been speaking to them all these years and are trying to learn their language, though some are still having difficulty with commands such as “stop,” and “put that down.”

With Mrs. Obama as president, reason now dominates all matters of policy both public and private. Corporations behave with logical responsibility. However, most of Wall Street was sucked into a giant wormhole along with the Trump administration. No one has seen or heard from them since. Of course, no one is actually looking for them, either.

See, if Donald Trump can become president of the United States, anything is likely to happen. While I’m not going out on a limb and saying anything like what we’ve mentioned here is actually possible, if anything like this does happen at least you’ll understand why.

Now, take another Paxil and have a good day.

Current Issues / Social Commentary

5 Questions You Should Be Asking

November 11, 2016

Is unifying behind the president-elect something you can morally and ethically justify? Ask yourself these questions.

I was chided by an acquaintance yesterday, someone who does not know me well at all, because my frequent use of the hashtag #NotMyPresident is not unifying. She is of the opinion that, with the election being over, we should all put aside our differences in the name of unity. She finds my unwillingness to do so to be shameful, despite the fact we agree on the issues over which I find myself unable to support the new administration.

Let me be clear that I do not, at this point, condone the many street protests that are taking place, either. The violence that occurred overnight in Portland, Oregon is especially inappropriate and unhelpful to any meaningful actions that might need to be taken. The president-elect, as unsavory as his election might be to millions of us, has not actually done anything yet that carries any substantial power. One of the reasons mainstream Republicans had difficulty supporting their nominee was because he has a long and well-documented history of saying one thing and doing exactly the opposite. Until he proposes offensive rights-limiting legislation or, after being sworn in, commits acts of hate, street protests are meaningless and lack any authority.

However, that does not mean that unity behind this new administration is an option, either. For those who are considering abandoning their morals and ethics for the sake of unifying behind a president-elect who can’t be trusted, we strongly suggest you ask yourself these five questions.

1. Do you support sexual assault against women, diminishing the severity of rape, and perpetuating a culture of violence against women?

Despite having won the election, the president-elect is still scheduled to go on trial December 16 for the alleged rape of a 13-year-old girl. Let that sink in for a moment. While any rape is horrible, we’re talking about a 13-year-old. This is the shamefulness of the person who was elected president. To support him is to support his actions. Anyone who unifies behind this man is saying to all the little girls in the United States, “Hey, rape isn’t really all that bad.”

In addition to the rape charges, the president-elect is also facing numerous allegations of sexual assault. His response to those allegations was that he would sue the women making such statements once he is sworn in. Do you support victim blaming? You do if you plan on unifying behind this president.

The president-elect has an extremely misogynistic attitude toward women as demonstrated by his conversations not only during the campaign but across most of his public life. When Fox News anchor Megan Kelly questioned the nominee about his behavior, he called Kelly a “bimbo” among other things. His long history of insulting women is well documented and inexcusable.

Apparently, those facts don’t bother some people. If your morality and ethics are such that you can excuse and tolerate someone whose words and actions are actively and consistently anti-women, then you have elected someone who shares those values. For the rest of us, though, this is a disqualifier. We cannot and will not support anyone who does not treat women as equals for any reason. Therefore, we cannot and will not unify behind the president-elect.

2. Do you support the mistreatment, registration, and deportation of people based upon their religious beliefs?

In a November 10, 2015 article, the New York Times reported that the then-candidate for president supported registration for all Muslims who reside in the United States. When asked how that different from Nazi registration of the Jews prior to the Holocaust, the candidate’s reply was, “You tell me.” He has also stated, in multiple interviews, that, “We’re going to have to look at a lot of things very closely. We’re going to have to look at the mosques. We’re going to have to look very, very carefully.” As a candidate, the now president-elect has been extremely harsh in his words about Muslims, including the possibility of an open ban on any Muslims immigrating or even flying into the United States.

This rhetoric and attitude have had a devastating effect since the election. Repeatedly, Muslim women have reported having their hijabs yanked off their heads in public. American Muslims, people who were born and raised here just like the rest of us, no longer feel safe. Some of the most devout have even warned other women to not wear their hijabs for fear of violence against them. The hate perpetuated by the president-elect is very real.

Unifying behind this president-elect is showing support for this kind of hate, disregard for the religious freedoms of the First Amendment, and bigotry toward people simply based on their religion. Can you imagine the backlash that would happen if the same statements were made against Southern Baptists? Muslims have the exact same rights as Baptists, Catholics, Lutherans, and every other religion in the United States. If you can’t deal with that, you need to find somewhere else to live. We’re not going to tolerate such hate toward our Muslim friends.

3. Do you support the denial of basic civil rights, including the right to marry, based on one’s sexual identity?

Blame the vice president-elect for this one. As Governor of Indiana, he attempted to enact one of the most egregious and damaging anti-LGBTQ laws in the country. Hoosiers immediately revolted with industry from all over the world showing support by removing their business and conventions from the state. The then-Governor was forced to back down and amend the law to protect everyone regardless of sexuality. However, as vice president-elect, he has made it very clear that this administration “will be anti-LGBTQ and anti-women.”

Once again, it is the attitude of the incoming administration that is setting off real violence in the streets. Tuesday evening, a Calgary film producer visiting Santa Monica, California, was beaten to a bloody pulp for being gay by supporters of the president-elect. Is this how it is going to be? Does anyone actually think we are making America great with this sort of behavior?

Our LGBTQ friends have made some great strides in terms of establishing their rights as citizens over the past eight years. Now, all those rights appear to be in jeopardy under this new administration with the vice-president leading the attack. There is no way anyone of reasonable mind can unify behind a government that fails to condemn hate and is threatening to remove the rights of people based upon their sexuality. We are morally and ethically required to fight against any such activity.

4.Can you support a president who shows complete disdain and disrespect for people of color?

Someone apparently failed to tell the president-elect that white people no longer make up a majority of the U. S. population. Here are just a sampling of his documented statements about people of color:

“Black guys counting my money! I hate it. The only kind of people I want counting my money are short guys that wear yarmulkes every day.” (source)

“Laziness is a trait in blacks.” (source)

“And if you look at black and African American youth, to a point where they’ve never done more poorly. There’s no spirit.” (source)

“When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending the best. They’re sending people that have lots of problems. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists, and some, I assume, are good people.” (source)

The list could go on and on for days. The fact is that if you’re not as pasty white as he is, the president-elect has no respect for you. None. In fact, one of his primary goals within his first 100 days is to enact legislation that would provide inner-city police more powerful weapons in dealing with alleged crime and violence in urban neighborhoods. If you thought police violence against people of color was bad before, it could get a lot worse under this administration.

“Black Lives Matter” is not an opinion. We cannot unify behind a president who does not protect the best interests of people of color, who does not respect their lives and their contributions to the fabric of our country.

5. Do you support the denial of health and reproductive rights to women?

We’ve already established that this administration is anti-women, but what matters now is that the entire political structure in Washington is ready to wage a full-scale war against women. Over the past six years, the Republican-controlled Congress has tried repeatedly to limit, freeze, or completely destroy funding for women’s healthcare, especially when that healthcare involves a matter of choice. With the election of this new president, all legislative roadblocks that prevented Congress from achieving their evil plans are removed. Women across the United States are in grave danger.

Healthcare is a tremendously serious issue for women, especially when it comes to pregnancy and child care. Thanks to increased insurance coverage and support for non-profits such as Planned Parenthood, the United State’s unreasonable high rate of infant mortality has gone down in recent years. Make no mistake, however, that should the funding for those programs be removed, which would happen if both the president-elect and Republican-controlled Congress get their way, those deadly numbers would once again skyrocket. More women would die in childbirth. More women would have unplanned pregnancies. More babies would die from disease and distress before they are one year old. More women would die of cancer because they wouldn’t have access to early treatment programs. The devastation across our country would be severe.

I understand that not everyone agrees on a woman’s right to choose. Most of those who fail to agree on that topic, however, are men, who have no right to even have a voice in the conversation. Women alone should be in control of their bodies. Government has no business telling them what to do and men, especially, have to business trying to force women to do what they’re told. To remove funding for women’s healthcare is a form of legislative rape. Congress has already proven its willingness to commit, if not outright fondness for rape against women’s rights. Now, they have a president willing to sign that legislation into law.

I cannot fathom how any person with the ability to reason above the level of a six-year-old can support or unify behind such intent. To unify behind the president-elect on this issue is to stand up and tell the world that you hate women. There is no excuse. There can be no tolerance. We cannot unify behind such policies and we must do everything in our power to keep them from becoming law.

I could take this list on and on forever, but I don’t have time to type it all and you probably wouldn’t read the whole thing if I did. Five questions are sufficient enough for anyone to decide whether or not they can morally and ethically justify unifying behind this president-elect. I know I can’t. On each of these issues and more I plan on remaining very diligent, very vocal, and very adamant about stopping any moves on the part of this new administration that in any way threatens my family, my friends, or my freedom of expression. As long as the threat remains, there can be no unity.

photography

Being an immigrant is never easy and fears within that community have never been higher

A few things for those outside the immigrant community

Where This Gets Personal

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“Buy my stuff” are words advertisers can’t use this time of year. They have to go for a broader message.

Come Together

Good Times

Open Your Heart To Everyone

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With Thanksgiving past, Advent and the holiday season begins. I’m not feeling it.

What It Takes To Be Festive

The Cloud Of Reality

The Tea Kettle Sings

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Enough with the excuses. Get up and do something about our problems.

Putting Feet To The Fire

Behaving Like An Atheist

Zeroing In On The Problem

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Holidays are stressful. Now it’s time to take a break, strip down, and unwind.

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The problem with a pure democracy, Plato pointed out, is that being popular isn’t always best.

Popularity Versus Democracy

Popularity Gone Wrong

“Majority Rules” Doesn’t Work

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The days of waiting in line all night for a chance at a bargain are over.

The Myth Of Black Friday

But Wait, Something Is Changing

Controlling Our Greed

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Somehow, not everyone is a football fan. So, we found some alternative activities for you.

Netflix and Chill

Taking Family Pictures

Stream A Little Stream

Family Storytelling Time

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We are thankful for much, but some things we could do without.

Some of Twitter’s Best

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A Few Of Our Own

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Holidays are not happy for everyone. Depression, loss lead many to struggle.

Thanksgiving, 1981

Thanksgiving, 2016

Consider the reality

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Tired of doing things the same way every year? Try out something a little different.

A Different Place

Different Food

Different People

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Dancing our blues away makes as much sense as any projected political policies we’ve seen. Can’t hurt to try.

Shake A Tail Feather

You Make My Dreams

Fake I.D

Twist And Shout

Closing Time

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Ready or not, Thanksgiving is here. The relatives are coming. Prepare now!

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A Bit Of Practical Advice

Now For The Good Stuff

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Awards that recognize talent are great but when it becomes a popularity contest the shows lose all meaning

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