It is time for parents to teach young people early on that in diversity there is beauty and there is strength.—Maya Angelou
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Fashion has always been a place for people of diverse sexuality. To intentionally work in opposition to that is wrong
Before I get started on this morning’s NYFW shows, I want to introduce you to some people you may not know.
- Dominique Jackson,
- Angel Qinan,
- Ren Spriggs,
- Chanel Viiperi,
- Arisce Wanzer,
- Laith Ashley,
- Gigi Gorgeous,
- Elliott Sailors,
- Rain Dove,
- Erika Linders,
- Hari Nef,
- Lea T,
- Juliana Huxtable,
- Aydian Dowling,
- Valentijn De Hingh,
- Andreja Pejic
- Isis King,
- Arisce Wanzer,
- Geena Rocero,
- Carmen Carrera, and
- Dezjorn Gauthier.
Who are these people? Just a handful of the transgender models who are making their mark on fashion’s runways, campaigns, and editorial spreads. How long did it take me to compile this list? About two minutes because I had to check the spelling of a couple of names. These are not people who are hiding in the background. They’re visible, they’re active, and they’re just the beginning. Throughout the world of fashion, there are trans designers, makeup artists, hair stylists, casting directors, and even owners of modeling agencies.
Let’s stay real here: There are a lot of places where fashion needs to really work on its diversity. Models of color still accounted for less than 20% of all those walking last year. Size restrictions are still severe. And you don’t see too many 40+ women on the catwalk. We have a tremendous amount of room for improvement, but the Council of Fashion Designers in America (CFDA) is very much aware of those shortcomings and works hard to make New York Fashion Week more inclusive with each passing season.
That’s why, when I learned there is a so-called fashion week contest that intentionally and specifically excludes trans models, I came out of my seat and was ready to bite someone’s head off (metaphorically, mind you; my mouth’s not quite that big). I am very suspicious of such events in the first place as they very seldom come through with everything they promise. This one, however, has pushed my anger button and deserves to be shamed.
The contest is running under the name Miss Fashion Week. I was immediately suspicious from the moment I first arrived at their website this morning. They make the claim of being “the world’s largest modeling competition,” but do not go outside the United States for any of their events and specifically limit the contest to women in the US. They provide absolutely NO credentials to establish any level of legitimacy. There is no address, no legal name of the sponsoring organization, nor any indication as to who might be operating the damn thing. All of those are immediate red flags to any contest of any kind, anywhere. I would strongly advise models to distance themselves from this organization and its events based on those criteria alone.
Next, let’s talk about the fact there is no indication that the organization actually has any ties or relationship with any casting agency or director. If you’ve not met a fashion week casting director, let me introduce you to some of the pickiest people on the planet. They arrive at a casting call with a very specific and very limited set of measurements, limitations, and physical requirements a model must meet in order to walk in a NYFW show. Casting directors have shown a history of not liking contest winners. Even America’s Next Top Model winners have difficulty finding work. So, to promise someone that they will walk in a fashion show at all is misleading.
Furthermore, the website gives absolutely no indication as to which fashion week the winner might walk. This is important because there are fashion weeks everywhere. There’s a Tulsa Fashion Week. Cincinnati Fashion Week. Atlanta Fashion Week. Dallas Fashion Week. Orlando Fashion Week. Miami Fashion Week. Even Indianapolis is home to Midwest Fashion Week. So, exactly for which fashion week is one competing? Am I the only one smelling a great big rat here?
Finally, and most important to our topic, is this rule:
3. Applicant must be a naturally born female in order to compete in the Miss Fashion Week contest.
Yes, that would be the rule that had me ready to eviscerate someone with a spoon. I don’t care who the hell you think you are, what your personal beliefs might be, what you consider your planet of origin, nor how much money you might have in the bank, nothing gives you the right to discriminate against someone on the basis of gender and/or sexual orientation. NOTHING! Not only does such a rule indicate that the person(s) running the contest are incredible bigots, but they have no real connection to the fashion industry at all!
For all of fashion’s shortcomings, and there are admittedly many, sexual orientation is one issue where we’ve actually seen strong improvement, thanks in large part to the fact that a significant and growing number of designers are themselves part of the LGBT community. The industry is proud of their progress in this area and is not likely to align themselves with anyone who would purposefully, willfully, and intentionally work against that progress.
We cannot allow contests and organizations like this to continue without challenge. To participate at any level is to condone their deliberate discrimination against transgendered women. While I cannot directly prove that the operation is a scam, it has all the hallmarks of one. Real contests don’t hide who they are nor with whom they are affiliated. Staying away from this outfit not only supports your transgendered sisters but sends a strong message that such discrimination in fashion is not tolerated at any level, even outside New York. Diversity is important. Diversity matters. Diversity should not, and cannot be compromised.
Stay away, children. Stay far, far away.
Some Days Just Suck
Tonight I’ll dust myself off, tonight I’ll suck my gut in, I’ll face the night and I’ll pretend I got something to believe in.—Jon Bon Jovi
Just as every day has the potential to be great, they have to potential to suck, and it’s not always your choice
I would very much like to meet the person who came up with the concept that every day is supposed to be bright, cheery, and wonderful. I would very much like to meet this person and come upside their head with a two-by-four. Why? Every day is not good. There is not always a reason to smile. Not every bad situation has a silver lining. Everything does not work out for the best. Some days just suck and to deny that censors feelings we legitimately need, such as anger, disappointment, and grief, if we are to ever improve our world. Remember: there are no bad emotions. Even the non-happy ones have their place.
So, here it is another Friday, the end of the work week, allegedly, and you have at least two, possibly three days off if you work for someone who observes President’s Day. Maybe you have big plans, have already spent a lot of money on deposits and such, and have everything arranged perfectly. You’ve done all you can and you’ve put your best effort into the whole weekend. Then, something happens, something you cannot control. Your father-in-law has a heart attack. Your car engine inexplicably blows a gasket in the middle of an intersection. That lovely person who was supposed to join you this weekend becomes ill and can’t stop puking. One of the children falls and breaks a limb. Suddenly, this Friday stops being happy and now, immediately, sucks. Your plans are ruined, your deposits are non-refundable, and all those perfect arrangements are irrelevant. There’s no recovery.
Sure, the day may suck. What’s important at this point is that you not deny how you feel. Don’t let someone tell you to suck it up. You can’t deal with those emotions until you admit that you have them. Be disappointed, there’s nothing wrong with that. Be angry, not in the sense that you fly off the handle and hurt someone else, but step away and punch the living hell out of a pillow or something. Go outside and scream. Let it out. Deal with those negative emotions.
No matter what we do, no matter how we try to live our lives as joyfully and righteously as possible, there are going to be days that suck, and they’re going to happen when it is least convenient to put up with the sucking. Part of what makes a day suck is that it upsets what we were expecting from the day. Convenience isn’t in the cards when life suddenly turns sour. Even when you have some clue that a day is going to be difficult and you try to prepare yourself for the inevitable, it still can be worse than you ever expected.
My father died 14 years ago. We knew it was coming. If anything, we had hoped the end would come sooner because seeing him suffer through the deterioration caused by cancer was heart-wrenching. When I flew into Tulsa that morning, I knew what I was facing, that the inevitable had finally come. This was not going to be a good day. Yet, for all the mental and emotional preparation I had done, the moment he finally took his last breath, when the grip he had on my hand relaxed for the last time, when the hospice nurse looked at us and shook her head, the wave of grief that swept over me in that moment was unlike anything I had ever felt. This was more than just a bad day.
I didn’t think I would ever feel pain like that again, but I did. Six months and four days later I was called home from the office. Mother had fallen during the night and died quite unexpectedly. Not only was their grief, there was anger. I had just spoken to her the night before. What went wrong? To say that day sucked would be the most severe of understatements.
You’ve had days like that as well, maybe worse. I think of people who lose entire families in one fell swoop. People full of hope and opportunity are suddenly, for any number of reasons, paralyzed or struck with some seemingly random disease that dashes their hopes like glass on a concrete floor. A baby dies. A house catches fire. A dear pet is hit by a car. Those are all days that suck.
People are always trying to take a bad situation and make it better. Stop it. Let us deal appropriately with the bad, recognize tragedy for what it is, and then give people the space to move on in their own time, in their own way. Not every day gets to have a smile. Some days have tears, and that’s okay. Offer a tissue if you want to help, but never tell someone to not cry, to not feel whatever they’re feeling.
Some days just suck. Be a friend and accept that.
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