I’m very driven by what I do. I am certainly very competitive. I like people who represent the best at what they do, and if that turns you into a perfectionist, then maybe I am. —Anna Wintour
For some people, dressing stylishly is a requirement but what if how we dress were a competitive sport?
Imagine getting up every morning knowing that what you choose to wear could affect your income for the day. What would you choose? Stylish dress with heels that can’t be ignored? Colorful separates with the new ballet flats that are all the rage? Perhaps a dress suit for that meeting this afternoon.
Among the list of characteristics that one might give Americans, casual and competitive are two that would seem to be at odds with each other. How can one be competitive and any portion of them still be relaxed? The answer, of course, is that we’re not competitive and casual about the same things. We’re competitive about our sports, obviously, and a lot of people are competitive about work. Some are competitive about how much stuff they have and what kind of stuff it is. At the same time, we’re very casual about things such as how we dress, what we wear when we go to the store, and how people perceive us when we’re “off duty.”
Many of our workplaces have dress codes, some of which are driven by safety requirements or a need for uniformity and visual recognition. However, what if you were graded based on how stylish you are? Perhaps even more frightening, what would life be like if your compensation and eligibility for advancement were connected to how on trend you are in your choice of clothing? How would that change your life?
Dressing To Be Seen
There is an interesting article in this past Wednesday’s New York Times that is titled The Situation With Street Style. Coming at the end of a month’s worth of fashion shows, the article focuses on an aspect of fashion that has not only changed dramatically but become rather competitive. Before the advent of social media and hordes of street style photographers lingering outside every runway venue, most editors and buyers dressed for anonymity. Part of doing their job was to report on the fashion, not be the fashion. So, they dressed in monochrome outfits that were stylishly boring and reasonably comfortable. Those 14- to 16-hour days can be grueling, so best to dress for the long haul.
However, now there are a number of editors and buyers whose Instagram accounts are followed by hundreds of thousands of people. Being anonymous is no longer an option. Everyone who enters a fashion show, especially those in Europe, is photographed multiple times. Pictures are uploaded to Instagram and other social media almost immediately and those who are recognizable are tagged. For those who once enjoyed anonymity, how they dress has become a liability.
Street style among those who attend Europe’s fashion shows is now competitive. Anna Dello Russo, an editor at large for Vogue Japan, changes her clothes as many as six times a day during fashion weeks so that she’s not continually photographed wearing the same thing as she moves from show to show. For many, dressing stylishly enough to capture the attention of street style photographers isn’t a bonus, but a requirement for the job. They must dress to attract attention which, in turn, drives sales for advertisers.
Taking Competition To The Next Level
Would being competitive about how we dress really be all that bad? In some ways, we are already there. The whole reason many schools have switched to requiring uniforms is because, allegedly, individual style had become so competitive that it was giving rise to theft and bullying. Teenagers can take anything and make it hyper-competitive and sometimes that isn’t a good thing. We also see the same competitiveness in urban cultures where the amount and kind of “bling” one wears is a status symbol. The concept of competitive styling really isn’t that foreign to us.
We tend to push off a lot of the competitiveness as we get older. We’re told to work more as a team and to do that we have to set aside at least a certain portion of our competitive drive. We start dressing similarly to those around us, careful to not dress higher than our status. For example, if one’s immediate supervisor dresses in khaki and cotton button-down shirts, wearing a suit and tie might be seen as an aggressively competitive move. Americans are much more comfortable taking a casual approach to clothing in large part because it feels more friendly.
Competitive dressing could potentially be a good thing, though. Taking our appearance more seriously encourages us to take other things more seriously, especially the work we do. When we put more effort into how we dress, our attitude changes. We tend to act more determined, more focused, and more driven. Women who dress stylishly not only command more attention but also give more attention to their peers. Men who are more attentive to how they dress are generally seen as being more reliable and trustworthy. Being competitive in our everyday style could be a good thing for all of us.
How We Score
Of course, if we’re creating a competition, then we need a scoring system that reflects current trends but doesn’t punish those who can’t afford designer labels. Being able to pull together different pieces to create a unique and attractive look needs to have greater value than merely copying what was on the runway. Taking something simple and turning it into something fabulous would earn bonus points. Companies could have a special employee Instagram account with rewards given for those whose style generates the most likes.
Extreme fashion makes assessing penalties difficult, though. It’s not like one could be dinged for wearing pajamas to work when we’ve seen multiple instances of pajamas on the runway mixed with things like suit jackets and button-down shirts. Then, there’s the question of how to address the inherent sensuality of some designs. Sheer was huge on the runway this season as was wearing bras outside one’s clothing. Addressing what is appropriate without being unnecessarily inhibitive could be challenging.
Ultimately, though, I think putting more emphasis on how we dress, on styling ourselves to attract attention rather than avoid it, might be just the attitude adjustment we’ve been needing. We need to think more of ourselves rather than trying to hide. Our society and culture shouldn’t be dominated by a handful who happen to dress better than everyone else. Going to the effort of looking good, and let’s face it, looking good takes some serious effort, should be rewarded, not discouraged. Perhaps being compensated for making an effort might encourage more people to make an effort. I see that as being a positive thing.
Competitive street styling, your time has come.
Regrets, We’ve All Had A Few, But Then—
Regrets? I think everyone has regrets, and people who say they haven’t are either liars… or narcissists. —Lee Radziwill
Regrets are motivational because we can’t fix them. They are permanent reminders we need to do better.
Does anyone else hear Frank Sinatra in their head? I don’t think there’s any escaping that. His song might be part of the issue here.
We have, I believe, a problem owning up to our regrets. There has been a line of popular philosophy the past several years that thinks we should live life with no regrets, that we learn as we go and whatever happens is exactly what was supposed to happen. Such thinking is, in my opinion, complete and utter horseshit. There’s a difference between simply making a mistake and doing something we regret. Regrets can’t be fixed. Regrets are forever.
What got me thinking along this line was an article in Marie Claire about women who regret having children. The article caught my eye because I know some of these women. They both became pregnant while on birth control. They never intended to have children. These women knew in advance that they did not have the temperament to be good mothers. Yet, they allowed family, friends, and/or religion to bully them into keeping the kids. Now, they regret having given in. They feel trapped in a life they never wanted, that arguably should never have happened. Consequence after consequence reminds them that their life was meant to be different. These women really understand the inescapability of regrets.
Regrets happen. Ignore them if you want, but there are lessons to be learned here if we take a moment and pay attention. Don’t shove that regret in the back of your mind and forget. Let it guide you.
Regrets Are Different From Mistakes
Imagine how differently My Way would sound if Frank sang, “Mistakes, I’ve made a few …” It’s just not the same, is it?
Why? Because there is a fundamental difference between mistakes and regrets: Regrets can’t be fixed. The consequences of your actions or inaction are irreversible. Nothing you do makes up for your error. You’re stuck.
Mistakes, on the other hand, might have difficult and long-term consequences, but you have an ability to make amends for the wrong-doing. Let’s say, for example, that in the haze of a misguided youth one commits an act of vandalism. Sure, what you did was wrong, but there are things one can do to rectify the situation. One might repair or replace what was broken, repay a property or business owner, and clean up any mess that was made. Life moves on, lesson learned. Someone says, “Hey, we all make mistakes,” and we put the event in the back of our minds.
Suppose, however, that in committing that act of vandalism one’s actions resulted in the death of someone else. You didn’t intend for anyone to get hurt, but it happened and it was your fault. Nothing you do will ever bring that person back. Even if you take that person’s place, do their work, take care of their family, behave like a model citizen the rest of your life, nothing replaces the soul your actions terminated. Nothing. Ever. That’s a regret. Regrets never go away.
Hopefully, one gets through life with few regrets. Certainly, most of us don’t have the burden of being responsible for someone else’s death. Those we have, though, we need to address and accept.
Facing A Harsh Reality
What do you really regret? When one is asked that question our tendency is to mull over some of our larger mistakes. Mine would be going through my youth trying to be who I thought my parents wanted me to be rather than being myself. A lot of time and energy and money was wasted on things that I never really wanted. Opportunities were missed. Yet, over the years I’ve been able to rectify that problem. Who I am now is who I want to be. Sure, I cannot regain my youth, but I am not bound by the errors in judgment I made when I was 15. Do I wish I had done things differently? Sure, but those were mistakes, not regrets.
My biggest regret is not listening to the stories being told, especially those my parents had to tell. Only after they passed did I begin to realize all the questions that we never asked, the lessons we never had a chance to learn. I can’t get that back. Those stories are all gone, lost to eternity because I wasn’t paying attention. Was the action excusable? No, I knew what I wasn’t doing. We even talked about the need to sit down and record conversations, but we never made the effort for that to actually happen.
Regrets don’t have to be huge, they don’t have to be horrific. Regrets do alter lives, though, and the effects are permanent. Facing them doesn’t give us the ability to change the outcome or make amends. However, accepting our regrets lays the foundation for what we do next with our lives. Our regrets tell us what we must change, what to do differently as we move forward with our lives.
Escaping The Chains
Once we deal with the reality of our regrets, we are then challenged to not become enslaved by them. For the women who regret having children, they struggle to regain their lives, their sense of self-worth. I remember one young woman whose child died at the hands of an abusive husband. For her, the regret of not leaving and protecting her baby was insurmountable and after five years of struggle she committed suicide. Dealing with regrets isn’t always life-altering, but it certainly can be.
What we must understand about regrets is that while lives might be changed by our actions, we are still in control of what happens next. We can’t change the past, but the future we build is our own. Regrets give us the ability to change not only our lives, but perhaps the lives of others.
Each of the women in the Marie Claire article thought they were alone, that they were the only one who ever regretted having children. As they spoke up, though, they discovered that others felt the same way and they all needed help coping with that regret. A community was formed. Books were written. New mothers now have resources to help them because of how others dealt with their regrets.
What we learn and how we respond to our regrets is going to be different for everyone, but the one thing for certain is that we must be willing to move beyond them. Regrets might change our lives but they should never stop them.
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