What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it. —Charles Dudley Warner
Sure, gardening in the buff sounds like a lot of fun, but we have a feeling that it’s not all its made out to be
World Naked Gardening Day has been trending on Facebook for the past three weeks. While, from what I can tell, most of the participants appear to be British, or at least European, the event seems to be a wildly popular idea. They even have their own website. With such popularity, one might get the idea that everyone around the world is shucking their bloomers and heading out to their gardens.
The movement, now in its twelveth year, is something encouraged by naturists who have a tendency to run around naked rather often anyway. The appeal is understanding. Feeling the cool, loose soil between your toes, the warm sunlight on your back, and a gentle breeze blowing on your nipples sounds almost erotic in its own way. For people who enjoy gardening and enjoy getting back to nature in the most literal way possible, the day sounds perfect.
But, as I sit here in my nice, warm house, drinking my nice, hot coffee, I’m thinking that World Naked Gardening Day probably isn’t something in which I’m likely to participate. Not today. Probably not next year, either. There are some aspects of gardening nude that just don’t appeal to me. At all. Consider these issues:
- As I’m writing, the temperature here in Indianapolis is 62 degrees. Now, if one is reasonably clothed, that’s not a bad temperature at all. In fact, for all those strange people out running the mini-marathon through town this morning, that temperature is damn-near perfect. However, if one is gardening, an activity that, generally speaking, is slightly more sedate and doesn’t quite count for getting in one’s cardio exercise, 63 degrees is a bit on the chilly side. Things are going to shrink and peak and the whole thing is going to be uncomfortable.
- Unless you have a tall, solid fence, you’ll likely get arrested. For the larger portion of the United States, being out in your yard naked, where the neighbors and all those impressionable young children can see you, is illegal. We are some of the biggest prudes in the world. Tall fences eliminate the public indecency charges, but they also cast long shadows which isn’t necessarily good for gardening. Even worse, if one is arrested for being naked, which is bad enough, one if going to be tossed in jail naked until they can find you one of those pretty orange jumpsuits. Ick.
- One word: bugs. Most people who are connected enough to the earth and really enjoy gardening are more likely to use natural methods of pest control, which means there are some species of bugs that manage to survive and are crawling around in the garden right now. If they’re crawling around in the garden, that means  they’ll be crawling all over you, too. The very thought of having bugs crawling into one’s more private crevices is not the least bit enticing, and probably isn’t all the healthy, either.
- Gardening typically involves a lot of bending over. Stop and think of that visual for a moment. We’ve all seen the lawn decoration that is supposed to resemble a woman in a red and white polka dotted dress bending over her garden. Imagine that woman naked. Worse yet, imagine her husband out there with her. Got that visual in your head? Good luck getting rid of it.
- The primary reason we don’t want children seeing adults naked is because we don’t want to answer those questions. We know they’re not interested in intercourse at an early age, and we know that a healthy attitude about their own bodies is a good thing. However, when they do happen to see an adult, especially a parent, naked, their curiosity is sparked and they start answering questions; questions we’re not in any hurry to answer. Questions that start with phrases such as, “Why does mommy have …” and “What is that thing?” There is a time and place for answering those questions, but the garden is neither that time nor that place.
I love the idea of gardning naked, in theory. I encourage everyone to spend as much time naked as possible, especially in front of my camera. I rather like naked people. But naked gardening? Uhm, I think I’ll take a pass on this one, thank you.
Not Quite Naked: Unspoken
Undisclosed (2011)
When women pose thoughtfully and artistically – in nothing but their bare skin – they find themselves. They discover that they are truly alive. They become a Nude. -David Allio
[one_half padding=”4px 8px 0 4px”]All this week we’ve been talking about being naked and how social media inherently dislikes anything too close to showing a nipple. We’ve talked about artistic purpose and artist intention and all the other topics that are inherent any time someone posts a picture that just might make those of impure thought a little uncomfortable. Fact is, no matter what kind of picture one puts online, there is always going to be someone who objects for one reason or another and someone else who is secretly  perverting it in their own way. Nothing we do or say is ever going to change that.
What we can do, however, is make sure the act and conversation around being naked isn’t dominated by the negative. We don’t need to be shy about being comfortable in our own skin and no one has any right to judge or speak maliciously of someone who prefers to not wear clothes. Being naked should not be limited to works of art. People who enjoy living au naturale should be able to take selfies just like anyone else without needing to censor who they are or what they are doing.  Nudity should be as casual a part of conversation as might be the coffee one had for breakfast this morning or replacing a belt on the vacuum cleaner. No one should be made to feel they have to hide such a normal part of who they are.
I have to admit that the conversation is doing better today than it was a mere 15 or so years ago. On the backside of the freewheeling 60s and 70s came a knee-jerk conservatism that had everyone buttoned up and anything that might be remotely considered sexual was demonized. If one was naked, the public perception was that one was also likely doing drugs and having sex with multiple people and not raising their children correctly. Discovery of HIV and the subsequent AIDS panic didn’t help because during that initial period where we weren’t sure exactly what caused the virus anything that could possibly be considered sexual, including kissing and holding hands, was demonized. Fear drove people to chastity.[/one_half]
[one_half_last padding=”4px 4px 0 8px”]Getting past those unrealistic and misinformed fears has been quite a chore but from that has come an even stronger urge to make being naked more socially acceptable. We’ve already discussed the Free The Nipple campaign, which is a wonderful thing, but there are also those who look at nudity as a form of expression to be protected under the first amendment of the U.S. Constitution and judges have begun upholding that right. Portland, Oregon’s annual Naked Run sounds like a lot of rebellious fun, but it is actually designed and intended as a means of peaceful protest, again protected by the Constitution. You have a right to be naked without that nudity being sexualized by someone whose own mind can’t be trusted.
Early in the 20th century, before all those stupid wars and politics got in the way, there was a strong naturist movement across Europe. During that period, doctors were actually prescribing patients to be naked, especially outdoors. The well-to-do would commonly hold tea parties on their patios that were completely sans clothing. Not only were these events largely asexual, but children were also included and there was no fear that a child seeing a naked adult might have any adverse effects. Quite the opposite was true. There was a greater acceptance of homosexuality and other lifestyles during this brief period than there has been at any time since.
Can we again achieve such a level of casual nakedness? I’m not too terribly optimistic  just yet because the Internet has allowed those who would impose their own morality on the world a level of volume larger than their actual size. One thing of which I’m certain, though, is that being naked is not something that needs to remain unspoken. Be proud of who you are, the skin you are in, regardless of your size, age, or sexuality. And if someone doesn’t like that, allow them to go away and deal with their problem on their own. [/one_half_last]
Share this:
Like this: