It seems that whatever we do is somehow beyond reproach – murder, rape, drunk driving – as long as we go on a TV show and apologize.— Eric Stoltz
Rape is not a right of gender. Rape is not a right of marriage. Rape is not right. Ever.
I’m relatively certain that every woman I’ve met in the past 30 years, with maybe one or two exceptions, has been the victim of sexual violence at some point in her life. Don’t think for a second that such a statistic comes because I hang out with “that kind” of women, whatever “that kind” may be in your mind. Quite to the contrary. Women from every walk of life, religious or not, cautious or not, across every socio-economic status, across every level of education, are victims of sexual violence.
You work with them, these women who are victims. They hand you your morning coffee. They check you out at the grocery. They handle your tech support calls, your banking problems, your investments and insurance, your pious donations, and even the porn subscription you claim isn’t really yours. They sit as members of Congress, the chief executives of major corporations, and maybe even your own boss.
These women have been made victims at the hands of fathers, grandfathers, uncles, brothers, cousins, boyfriends, husbands, customers, co-workers, classmates, bosses, church workers, pastors and priests and many others who all, for some stupidly insane reason, thought they had the “right” to violate someone in the most intimate of ways possible. We have perpetuated a culture where some find it acceptable to use drugs or alcohol to coerce a young woman into sex. We have created a deplorable society wherein it is the victim, not the perpetrator, who is shamed and blamed. And being the male-dominated society we still are, we pass laws so that our sins can go without punishment.
I have been sickened over the past several years as elected officials and those running for office, those who are chosen to represent all the people, have attempted to justify rape in order to avoid funding healthcare for women. Just a few of their statements (verified by Snopes) include:
“Rape is kinda like the weather. If it’s inevitable, relax and enjoy it.” Clayton Williams (R-TX)Â 24 March 1990
“If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to shut that thing down.” Todd Akin (R-MO)Â 19 August 2012
“Rape victims should make the best of a bad situation.” Rick Santorum (R-PA) former US Senator and, until yesterday, presidential candidate. 20 January 2012
“Even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that God intended to happen.” Richard Mourdock (R-IN)Â 23 October 2012
“If a woman has (the right to an abortion), why shouldn’t a man be free to use his superior strength to force himself on a woman? At least the rapist’s pursuit of sexual freedom doesn’t (in most cases) result in anyone’s death.” Â Lawrence Lockman (D-ME) February 2014
There also seems to be a problem among professional athletes, many of whom accept plea deals for lesser charges rather than face up to the consequences of what they’ve done. Among those convicted for sexual assault are:
Kevin Allen, Philadelphia Eagles, released after 33 months
Thomas “Hollywood” Henderson, Dallas Cowboys, released after 28 months
Darren Sharper, retired NFL, lifetime probation
Nate Webster, retired NFL, 12 years
Milton Bradley, Major League Baseball, 2 years and 230 days imprisonment, plus 400 hours of community service
Chad Curtis, Major League Baseball, 7-15 years
Mel Hall, Major League Baseball, 45 years, charges involved children
Tom Payne, Atlanta Hawks (NBA), multiple counts, 15 years to life
Ruben Patterson, Seattle Supersonics, served 15 days.
Mike Tyson, boxing, served three years
Bob Hewitt, tennis, served six years of an eight-year sentence.
If that list feels short and dated, it is. Many athletes now avoid conviction by agreeing to enter some form of treatment, which further diminishes the severity of their crime. The problem is severe, but those in charge (all men) don’t want to taint the image of their sport by letting the public see just how many players are guilty of sexual assault and other violent crimes.
Most recently, and what currently has me beyond furious, is this bullshit concept of neomasculinity, as though, somehow, masculinity needs to be redefined in terms that reward aggression and domination with concepts that are misogynistic and pro-rape.  These jackasses even claim to have rape clubs, though I cannot find any direct evidence of any being caught by law enforcement. The movement is headed by one particularly creepy douchebag who goes by the name RooshV. I’m sorry to say he’s an American citizen, from Maryland, who has this warped idea that rape should actually be legal so long as it occurs on private property. He’s written multiple books on “seduction,” and, until yesterday, was organizing a global meet-up of like-minded douchebags around the world this Saturday. Fortunately, as word of this massive circle jerk spread and protests began to form to disrupt the meetings, they have been cancelled, though he encourages “private” gatherings.
There is absolutely, positively, without any possible exception, no terms or conditions under which rape is justified and it certainly is not masculine. Real men respect women. Real men support women rather than take advantage of them. Real men don’t threaten or cajole. Real men don’t use positions of authority to convince women to have sex with them. Real men don’t call women “bitch,” “whore,” or “slut.”  Real men understand that women have the right to maintain control of their bodies at all times.
We fully and unapologetically condemn the entire neomasculinity movement and the rape culture it perpetuates. We condemn RooshV and anyone who agrees with his dangerous and quite likely criminal methods and intentions. The time has come for real men to join women in their stance against reduced sentences and plea agreements that diminish the severity of sexual assault against women.
Rape is not masculine; never has been, never will be. Rape is a crime not just against women but against all humanity.  Stop making excuses.
Morning Update: 08/18/24
After a night filled with rain, we’re slowly getting around this morning. The kids came in from the PowWow earlier than I expected, which isn’t a bad thing, but both went straight to bed and only reappeared briefly for a snack. Even the dogs were restless last night, and at least one of the cats decided that the litter box was too far away to bother finding it. I’m not sure what this means for the rest of the day. I’m inclined to let the kids chill. While I had planned on doing yard work this morning, it’s far too wet. I’m beginning to wonder if we’ve been underestimating the toll that their long school day takes on them.
I do need some help with the yard, though, especially along the fence line. The problem isn’t so much the weeds, but the trees growing there, their branches intertwined with the fencing. Last Sunday, a young man coming through the neighborhood offered to clear the fenceline for $20, but it was too late in the day for him to start. I told him to come back on Wednesday, but he never showed up. With at least six more weeks before the first chance of a heavy frost, we need to clean it up now.
Both kids enjoyed the PowWow in different ways. G took advantage of the raffles, winning three times. I’m not sure what he’s going to do with the shawl, but all the items are rather nice. Tipper, being the furry that she is, was drawn to the various pelts. She convinced Kat to buy her a new tail since her existing one had broken after being yanked too many times. She explained to the person running the booth how her tail was treated by people at school. As she was walking away, the man came over to Kat and handed her a pair of heart-shaped earrings to give to Tipper so that she would know “Not everyone is mean.”
There are too many people who are mean, though, and the fact that one of those people is running for president is bothersome. The Orange Felon went completely off the rails yesterday, resorting to calling Vice President Harris names and throwing insults. He also complained, again, about the Olympic Boxers, vowing to “keep men out of women’s sports.” This is more than mean, it’s insane. Why are we giving such a poor example of humanity any kind of stage to spread such filth? His continued presence at the top of the political dung heap boggles my mind.
Meanness grabs eyeballs, though. It always has. A New York Times reading group has been taken with Emily Wilson’s 2023 translation of the Iliad, the epic poem attributed to Homer. War, wickedness, and revenge are strong themes throughout the work that keep readers coming back generation after generation. While there is ostensibly something to be said for learning from war, I wonder if too often we’re taking in the wrong lessons. Instead of learning how to avoid the foolishness of war, we seem to be paying more attention to the tricks and strategies used to win one.
I’m bothered by the fact that Vietnam’s new leader, To Lam, chose China as his first international visit. There’s no question that we botched that war in every way possible. Did the thousands of US troops who died there do so in vain? Looking at the mean side of that equation, it’s reasonable to make the argument that US leaders were less concerned about Communists taking over the small Southeast Asian country and used the war as a way to stop the uprising of the common people that was taking place. While war protests were loud and strong, the fact is that forced military service took away thousands of young men from lower- and middle-class neighborhoods that could have forever changed the direction of American politics. We’ll never know for sure, will we? But using a foreign war sure was a mean cover, wasn’t it?
Some people enjoy being mean. A Chechen warlord invited Elon Musk to Russia after he was filmed driving a machine-gun-mounted Cybertruck. As Ukraine takes advantage of its unexpected incursion into Russia, Russian officials are resorting to increasingly mean tactics in an attempt to regain the upper hand. They’ve bombed schools, children’s hospitals, and residential neighborhoods, much in the same way that Israel has continued to bombard Gaza in that senseless war. Both wars should have been over months ago and could have been, but leaders on all sides have their heads too far up their asses. They equate peace with weakness. In their view, being mean is a strength.
We are crazy if we think that our children, especially teens, aren’t paying attention and noting the actions we condone. We spent all their formative years telling them to be nice and to play well with others, but then they see the adults around them supporting leaders who are anything but nice and certainly don’t know how to play well with anyone. What lesson do you think they’re taking away from that?
I find it interesting that today is the anniversary of women in the US gaining the right to vote. So much of the mean rhetoric coming from right-wing conservatives is directed at women. In fact, the New York Times has a piece this morning on how “masculinity is on the ballot.” What is defining that masculinity? How men treat women. How women vote this November will be a voice for whether they want men to still dominate and abuse them or move toward a more equitable and just society.
The amount of misinformation and outright conspiracy theories regarding migrants is still a problem as well. Do you want to truth? Migrants are not the reason wages have stagnated. Migrants are not taking anyone’s jobs. And, when one balances the number of migrants coming in with the number leaving, total immigration is actually going down. Ask farmers in the West and Southwest, and they may tell you that the problem with immigration is that we don’t have enough migrants. Economically, we are dependent on migrant labor and without it, the economy collapses. So, why are we treating them so mean?
Our Indigenous brothers and sisters have long been a voice of reason against the seemingly inbred hate of the white man. Their society was built on caring for each other, respecting people regardless of gender, and preferring peace over conflict. That was what the kids saw in action as they attended the PowWow yesterday. I hope it is a lesson they take to heart because so much of the rest of the world is only showing them hate.
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