Morning Update: 07/08/24

Morning Update: 07/08/24

July 8, 2024

Playing in the hay [2013 original with AI enhancement]

While the weekend was sufficiently quiet, I’m hitting this morning with a list of things I want/need to do. There’s an issue with the old insurance that needs to be settled. There are people I need to see live and in person. And more than anything, I need definitive answers from elected officials as to where they stand on Project 2025. I can’t risk letting anyone be elected who would support such an evil and anti-American plan. If you haven’t read yesterday’s sermon, please carve some time out of your day to do so. If you’ve already read it, then please consider sharing it. Widely. We have to bury this thing so deeply that no one speaks of it ever again.

Apparently my sleeplessness is contagious? A friend sent me a text a moment ago that she’d been up since 1:30 this morning and still has to go to work and do important stuff and then drive back home. Kat hasn’t been sleeping well either. We’re all on different medications that affect our sleep, but this is all kind of nuts. I had plans for dinner last night but ended up just going with a plate of nachos. I was too tired to spend time cooking. G made dinner for his mom because, of all of us, he was wide awake and chatty.

Deep bone pain was a problem yesterday as well. Normally, that hits on the longer bones, the femur, tibia, humerus, etc. This time, it hit specific joints, my right knee, hip, elbow, and wrist. Moving at all was limited because of the pain. If I was lying down, I didn’t want to get up. If I was sitting, I didn’t want to move from my chair. I know this is just the chemo doing its thing, but I’m beyond ready for it all to be over.

Back-to-school thoughts are top-of-mind now. New clothes have been ordered and are coming in. Tipper has Freshman orientation next week. I think they both start on or around the 27th. I know the start date is before the first of August. Summer now is nothing at all like what it was when we were kids. The time isn’t there. We’ve not been on anything one might consider a vacation for a couple of years. The kids haven’t complained but I can’t help but feel that they’re getting the short end of the summer experience.

Weather is going to be an issue this week as well. There’s a small system currently Southwest of Springfield, IL that could give us rain and some strong wind this evening. But Beryl hit Texas as a Category 1 storm last night so by Tuesday evening through much of Thursday, possibly even Friday, we could be feeling the effects of that storm. Here’s what the National Weather Service in Indianapolis posted earlier this morning:

While severe weather seems out of the question, we’re almost certain to get a lot of water this week. That will affect both Kat and me as we work through the pain to try and keep things going. Please be understanding, especially if you’re in Kat’s chair.

Frankie, the smashed-face wheezer kitty, just jumped up on the desk for pets. I think Frank is more sensitive to our stress than any of the other animals, though Solaris, Frank’s twin, and both dogs are pretty aware as well. I wish everyone had friends who are as supportive as our animals are.

Strange, the dogs haven’t asked to go out yet. Hamilton’s barely moved from his spot since I woke up. Hmmm… Gotta wonder what’s up with that.

Somehow, the lawn still needs to be mowed.

Cancer Update / Morning Update / Personal

Morning Update: 07/07/24

July 7, 2024

I don’t know how long I’m going to make it this morning. I went to bed early enough, around 8:30, but then I woke up a little after 1:00 and couldn’t go back to sleep. So, I got up and worked on this morning’s sermon, which you’ll want to read because I lost sleep over this thing! It should be posted a little before 10:00 this morning. I’ll do my best to stay awake and share it with everyone.

We didn’t get all the mowing done yesterday. Since we have an electric mower, we have long extension cords to power the thing. Over time, a spot on one of the cords became frayed and now has some exposed wire. As I was mowing yesterday, I ran my hand over that wire. The resulting jolt had my hand tingling for much of the rest of the day. Of course, I couldn’t have the kids using the mower in those conditions. I got online and ordered some electrical tape to cover the damaged area. What I got instead was double-sided tape. I decided to go with another provider and ordered the tape again, but this time it won’t be here until Monday afternoon. By that time, it could be raining again.

The kids didn’t complain. After being up until midnight for two nights in a row, they both stuck close to their beds. Unfortunately, that means neither of them did their chores, either. We’ll need to have a talk about that today.

We’re still watching Hurrican Beryl, the UK and French elections, and the disturbing fact that Brazil’s Bolsonaro hopes the Orange Felon returns to power. Bolsonaro is a corrupt criminal as well. I guess he’s looking for company.

Naps are going to be a necessity today. Sure, there are things today, but by the time I take my chemo meds, my body is going to be insisting on lying down. We’ll just have to see how this day goes.

Current Issues / Morning Update / News & Comment / Status

Morning Update: 07/06/24

July 6, 2024

Yesterday was a much-needed rest day. Neither of the kids were asleep before midnight so they didn’t move until well after 10:00 and even then they both took additional naps. The rest of the neighborhood seemed to feel much the same way. Even the construction workers for the house next door didn’t start hammering and sawing until after 9:00. I spent the early part of the day reading, then got in my fair share of napping as well. Then, Kat picked up the kids and off they went to a friend’s house, again not getting in bed until after midnight.

I thought about going out last night, especially since it was First Friday, but I didn’t want to go alone and by the time I thought about it, it was too late to ask anyone to go with me. All things considered, though, it was probably best that I stay in. My glucose has been like a yo-yo, low in the morning, then doubling or more during the day. I need to stay away from carbs today to get that back under control. Fortunately, there are enough leftovers that I shouldn’t need to cook anything.

Even the dogs seem exhausted. They’ve barely moved since the cats woke me up this morning. We’ve not been outside. Mowing needs to happen today but it will be tough getting the kids out if it’s as humid as it has been most of this week. The next best chance for rain looks to be Monday. After that, it depends on what Hurricane Beryl decides to do this weekend. The kids are strongly eyeing the start of school in a couple of weeks and trying to get in all the goofing off they can. Chores are low on their priority list at the moment, and who can blame them?

I’ve this sense that there’s trouble coming, though. Both the Etna and Stromboli volcanoes spectacularly exploded yesterday. Both the UK and France pretty much flipped their governments this week. Hamas seems willing to talk. I’m of the opinion that the world, in general, wants to reset, but in what direction? The Orange Felon is trying to distance himself from Project 2025, but we already know he can’t be trusted. Iran is having runoff elections this weekend and that likely means more chaos than solution. All of it, together, is… uncomfortable.

And all four of the animals on my bed are licking their own balls. That’s not only uncomfortable, but it’s a unique noise that makes me cringe.

Perhaps it is time to put on pants and get things done, both physically and metaphorically. The coffee isn’t going to drink itself.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / News & Comment / Personal / Social Commentary

Morning Update: 07/03/24

July 3, 2024

Stepping outside this morning feels like being mugged by the air around you. It’s not hot yet, a mere 73 degrees Fahrenheit, but it still feels as though the weather outside wants to kill you, making it difficult to breathe or, in my case, drink coffee. I’m often having my first or second cup of coffee when I take the dogs out each morning. I’ve tried getting the dogs to hold off but Hamilton just gets too anxious and, as we saw on Monday, is likely to have an accident if forced to wait too long. This morning, though, we went out and as I’m sipping at my coffee Ham looks back at me as if to say, “What is this fresh hell you’ve brought me to?” Neither of the dogs was anxious to stay. It looks as though it’s going to be an inside kind of day.

Storms are inching their way in our direction. As I’m typing, their bothering Springfield, IL, and St. Louis, MO. I don’t think they’ll actually cool things down any, though, and a new set will be here to keep things damp tomorrow. I still don’t think that the rain and threat of storms will keep the neighborhood quiet. If anything, it means having to do our July 4th “barbecue” indoors, and the kids don’t seem to care either way as long as they get to eat.

All of yesterday morning was spent writing as well as this morning. The issues facing us as a country are dire. If you didn’t get a chance to read Part One, yesterday, please take time to do so today. There’s a ton of misinformation about the ruling, which has people reacting in the wrong direction. Should we dissent? Yes, absolutely, but one needs to understand why. Yesterday we looked at the severe blunder that the majority made. Today, we’ll consider the practical fallout.

Meanwhile, if you have any friends/family in Jamaica, you might want to check on them Hurricane Beryl is headed in that direction and this powerful storm is taking no prisoners. People in the Southern Caribbean islands are largely homeless after the Cat5 storm passed over them yesterday. Jamaica isn’t exactly known for its storm-proof architecture. Don’t be happy. Worry.

A friend of Kat’s borrowed our lawn mower yesterday. Apparently, they have a difficult neighbor like ours who enjoys calling city code enforcement. It occurred to me this morning, though, that at no point while we were helping them load the mower into their car did we actually show them how to turn the damn thing on. Our mower is electric. There is a specific order of pushing the button and then holding down the handle or else it won’t start. Kat hasn’t said whether they’ve contacted her or not. I hope they figured it out.

I made a mistake last night and had pizza with the kids. I like pizza, but not only is it carb-heavy, it’s a good place to hide all kinds of sugars. Normally, when we order pizza I get an order of wings, no sauce, so that I’m not at risk. Trying to save $8, though, I didn’t order the wings yesterday. I ate the pizza. My sugar spiked hard. And then the pizza turned on me in the middle of the night. The mistake is mine and I have to own it. I’ll have to be extremely careful with what I eat the rest of the week.

There are a bunch of interesting headlines this morning. The death toll from a stampede at a Hindu religious congregation in northern India has risen to 121, proving that Christians aren’t the only ones who get stupid regarding religion. Farmers in southern Lebanon are wondering if white phosphorous, used by the Israeli military in cross-border clashes has contaminated their soil. New research shows that some ants perform limb amputations on injured comrades to improve their survival chances. The National Black Farmers Association called on Tractor Supply’s president and CEO Tuesday to step down after the rural retailer announced that it would drop most of its corporate diversity and climate advocacy efforts. See, not everything is about SCOTUS.

So, what are you going to do with your day?

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / News & Comment / Personal / Politics / Social Commentary

Morning Update: 07/01/24

July 1, 2024

Ready To Jump [2004 original with AI background modification]

Congratulations, we’ve made it through the first six months of the year. I don’t know about you, but it certainly feels as though it’s been more than six months. Eight or nine is more like it. Isn’t Christmas around the corner or something? Happy Canada Day to those of you who celebrate. Happy “Oh Crap It’s Monday” to the rest of you. The Supreme Court is ready to hand down at least three more disastrous decisions today. Your boss likely wants you to get five days’ worth of work done in three. The kids have less than a month left to summer vacation.

Fireworks in the neighborhood got the best of Hamilton last night. He cuddled up close and I softly reassured him that everything was okay as neighbors callously fired one noisy munition after another until well past 10:30. He’s been okay with the noises during the day so far. During the day he can see that there’s no imminent danger. When it’s dark, though, he doesn’t know that. At night, he’s 65 pounds of tense muscle ready to spring at anything that might be an attack. At the moment, it’s looking as though Wednesday night into Thursday could be cloudy with chances of rain and thunderstorms. Something tells me it would take a helluva thunderstorm to keep down the noise either night, but the dogs deal better with thunder than fireworks, so bring it on.

My insurance changed as of midnight this morning. The instant I opened Facebook this morning, right at the top of my newsfeed, was an ad reminding me that my insurance changed. For the most part, I think this is a positive thing. Transportation to doctor visits and the pharmacy is back. I shouldn’t have to worry about which meds are covered. But there’s still work to do today to inform all the doctors of the change and make sure that the chemo meds are continued going forward. We still have a little over eight months of that stuff to endure. Let’s not botch it up now.

I’ll also need to see if the new program will cover assisted living facilities. I’ll have to be careful talking about this one because if I say the wrong thing it could cause trouble. I don’t want them to think that I’m in any immediate danger, just that I need help I can’t get at home. We’ll see how that conversation goes.

At least we’re not in France. Macron was an idiot for calling snap elections right as the country is set to host the summer Olympics. You couldn’t pay me enough to be in Paris right now. Not that the situation is much better elsewhere. Bulgaria’s elections tilted toward the right as well, and Pakistan sentenced a Christian to death for saying hateful things about Muslims. 2 Algerian journalists were arrested for publishing a video showing businesswomen protesting at a government-sponsored event. The world is a nightmare.

You know I’m not a big sports nut, but when the hell did a guy named Sinner rise to the top of the tennis ranks? Headline writers are enjoying this too much. “Sinner can become No. 1.” “No. 1 Sinner wins his first grass-court final.” “Sinner looks smooth on clay.” Apparently, the dude is a favorite to win Wimbledon as well. Does that mean more tennis players should be Sinners? 🤣

If you’re somewhere in the corridor of coolness this morning between Chicago, Indy, and Detroit, enjoy the below-70 temps this AM. It’s 55 here this morning, enough that I tossed on a jacket before taking the dogs out. No, this doesn’t disprove climate change, you idiot. Warm temps will be back tomorrow, fueling the storms Wednesday night into Thursday. How do you not know how weather works? Personally, I think we’ll take a nice walk later this morning, then probably grill out for dinner since it’s so unseasonably nice.

That’s all I’ve got for the moment. If anything huge arises, I’ll let you know, but let’s hope the day stays calm.

Current Issues / Morning Update / News & Comment / pop culture / science / Social Commentary

Morning Update: 06/29/24

June 29, 2024

Stepping outside with the dogs this morning felt like walking into a hot sauna. The impact was staggering and while my body adapted quickly enough, I was glad that the pups didn’t feel like lingering outdoors any longer than they needed to. They prefer cooler breezes and softer places to lie down, like my bed. There does seem to be some chance for rain today, but they said that about yesterday and last night, also, and neither happened. The band heading in our general direction isn’t huge, so any moisture we get will be slight.

Notice anything about this morning’s picture? Check the date. 2024! Do you understand what that means? That’s a NEW image from this past Wednesday’s adventures! The bank overnighted my debit card which meant I was able to get a card reader here by a little after 6:00 PM. I’ve processed 18 of the pictures and have roughly 20-something more to go, then I’ll post them for you. Hopefully, that will happen later this morning. I’m having to use a new slider app, though, since the one I used two years ago is no longer supported. That may delay things if it doesn’t work with the high-resolution images.

Having access to my money again also meant being able to pay bills and buy groceries. The groceries didn’t amount to much because the waiting bills took most of what I had. Late fees. Yay. 😒 Hopefully, though, what we got will be enough to get us through all next week. My biggest concerns there are milk and eggs. I’m not sure we ever have enough of those two items.

Meanwhile, in “How Stupid Can Christians Get?” news, it appears that a pastor in Mexico is selling real estate in Heaven. I wish I was kidding. This con man is offering his followers plots of “land” in Heaven for $100 per square meter. Installment plans are available. This isn’t the first time a shyster has perpetrated such fraud on a congregation. A pastor from Uganda Fred Isanga, the head of David of the Universal Apostle Fellowship Church of Righteousness located in South Africa tried perpetrating the same scam in 2023. He was encouraging people to sell off their livestock and earthly possessions to purchase land in Heaven. Both pastors claim to have gotten permission directly from God for these sales.

What can I say? These types of things become possible when people believe so deeply in the mythologies they’ve been told will save them. Remember the late Jim Bakker? He had your grandparents building a Christian theme park! At least he was prosecuted for his fraud, but even after serving his jail time, people still were stupid enough to believe him. At one point, he was selling five-gallon buckets of mac and cheese for people to eat during the apocalypse. C’mon, who the fuck is writing this stuff? Not even D-rated sci-fi movies are that stupid.

In the real world, remember when we talked yesterday about SCOTUS overturning the Chevron decision of 1984? I told you then there would be serious repercussions and here’s the first one: The 6-to-3 ruling means judges should no longer defer to the scientific expertise of those agencies on a vast range of technical questions and, instead, should make such decisions themselves. “Agencies have no special competence in resolving statutory ambiguities.” They’re throwing scientific expertise right out the fucking window. Nooooo, that’s not going to bite us hard in the ass, is it? I cannot imagine anyone who is supposedly as intelligent as a Supreme Court justice making such an insanely stupid comment. There has to be a payoff here that is behind these decisions. No one with a working brain would make such an ignorant statement otherwise.

We may be getting a clue, though. A study released this past week shows the first instance of Downs syndrome in Neanderthals. While scientists are focusing on the social aspects of the community caring for those with special needs, the evidence of the extra copy of Chromosome 21 in ancient individuals raises questions as to whether certain populations of mixed genetic origin might be more likely to have the abnormality. DNA-level research has yet to begin, so there is still a lot we could learn from our early pre-human ancestors.

Okay, I have pictures to process and I can’t begin to tell you how much that thrills me. You go do your thing, I’ll do mine, and we’ll meet back here later. Sound good? Yeah, sounds good.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / News & Comment / Personal / Politics / Social Commentary

Morning Update: 06/28/24

June 28, 2024

Before you bother asking, no, I didn’t watch the debate. I never do. There’s little point. First, there was no question from the beginning that the lies were going to be flying everywhere and by all accounts they were. Here is the AP list of lies. It’s not comprehensive because many of them were repeated in different forms throughout the night. Second, we have YouTube and other video sources now, so we don’t have to sit through all the punditry and pedantry of a live broadcast. From what I’ve seen this morning, President Biden looked a lot like Ronald Reagan did in ’88. The Orange Felon looked orange and spoke felonious. Third: Most people have already made up their minds and there’s little, if anything, that will change them. In that regard, the debates are merely moments of malarky. Are we good with that? Yes, I have my concerns, but they’re more at the state and Congressional level, not presidential (just yet).

If you’re wondering how my day went yesterday, I slept a lot, which wasn’t surprising at all given Wednesday’s fun activity. I woke up thinking I might be able to power through it, but by 7:30 I was back in bed and snoring. Nonetheless, the kids did finish mowing the yard and the construction crew finished enclosing the new house next door.

The moment of disappointment for the day came when there wasn’t a USPS morning scan email. In case you weren’t already aware, you can sign up to get an email notification of the mail expected to be delivered each day. This really helps when you’re expecting something valuable and/or important, such as a debit card. Unfortunately, there was no email yesterday which meant we didn’t have any new mail. No debit card. This is a problem because it has been 10 days since the card was ordered.

The letter containing the PIN for that card gave me the number to call and report the card missing. Of course, a missing card is a big deal. So, they had to cancel that card and issue me a new one. Fuck. Another wait. This time, they put a rush on the processing, so it should go into the mail today and be here by Monday. They kindly waived the standard rush fee since it’s already been 10 days and the other card never arrived. I’m sorry, but that means it will likely be Tuesday or Wednesday of next week before I can show you the pictures we took Wednesday.

What was entertaining is that the customer service person I had was quite happy. One of the first things she told me was that my name made her smile. She proceeded to call me “Mr. Let-Us-Be-Better” for the rest of the call. If that’s what shows up on my card, I’m not changing it. 😊 She hummed while she typed, and once was even singing along with a song I assume was playing either in the background or in her earbuds. Her positivity went a long way toward calming my anxiety about not having access to my funds, as meager as they are.

Reuters was kind enough to tell me that Fourth of July cookout costs in the US have risen by 5% this year over last year, and 30% over 2019. Meat and lemonade are the biggest factors there. I was able to catch a rack of ribs on sale earlier this month, so that’s sitting in the freezer. Hopefully, the few other things we’ll need won’t cost too much more, especially since it will likely just be me and the kids. It’s going to be too loud and chaotic in the neighborhood for Kat. In fact, I wouldn’t blame her if she ran and hid for the whole week. Our neighbors tend to start “celebrating” early.

Processing this morning’s picture reminded me that it’s been 14 years since I was last out on the West Coast. This lack of travel thing is starting to get to me. Wednesday’s adventure was fun and really hit at my inert wanderlust. I’m ready to go trekking into whatever wilderness, urban or jungle. Yet, flying with chemo is apparently a problem and Social Security gets upset if I’m out of the state for more than two weeks of the month. I’m sure there’s a solution out there somewhere, but my brain is too addled to think of anything that isn’t filled with prohibitions. Feel free to help me out there.

There’s rain in the forecast. The skies to the West looked dark and menacing when I took the dogs out earlier. Storms are in the forecast for Sunday as well. That will make for an interesting start to “Blow Your Brains Out” week. The rain might prevent houses from catching fire, but it won’t do much to keep digits from being blown off. We’ve been doing the whole fireworks thing long enough you’d think folks would have learned by now that black powder and stupidity don’t mix well. Yet, every year, emergency rooms fill up with too many examples of “watch this” syndrome and “we didn’t expect that” disease.

My stomach wants me to eat but it’s another hour before I can check my glucose. We don’t really have anything for breakfast, anyway. We’re out of bread, bacon, and cereal. Eggs by themselves don’t cut it. Maybe I’ll just eat leftovers from the other night.

Feel free to amuse me.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / Personal

Morning Update: 06/26/24

June 26, 2024

There’s not a lot of time to type this morning as I have plans for the day. I’m not going to reveal those plans just yet because I’m not sure myself exactly how they might develop, but there are plans and I will be ready. I will be leaving town for the first time in a couple of years. There could be pictures involved. It might rain. Actually, I don’t have a lot of confidence in some of the weather forecasts I’ve seen. I think the bulk of the rain is going to our South. Rain or not, I’m escaping from my cage.

Knowing that I wasn’t going to be here today, I’ve already set you up with things to look at. If you didn’t read it yesterday, Is The U.S. Siding With The Enemy? takes an uncomfortable look at a few of the ways the US, both through publicly-owned companies and official government policy, is getting disturbingly comfortable with our enemies. Then, there’s Sunflower Stains in the Sun, a fun AI revision of a photo set we did back in 2011 that didn’t end quite the way we expected. You also have The Naked Spy Who Saved The World in case you’ve not seen that set yet. Topping things off, for those of you who are bored easily, I’ll be adding a video of Neil deGrasse Tyson and Richard Dawkins as they discuss Science, Religion, and Evolution. All of that together should keep you occupied for much of the day.

A couple of minor local things worth mentioning. The construction crew working on the new house next door (replacing the one that burned down a year and a half ago), got most of the framing done yesterday despite Hamilton’s attempts to get them to stop working and play with him. That is a good thing.

Then, some of you may remember me complaining a couple of years ago about the neighbors across the street having blown up $100+ of fireworks, leaving the street in front of the house a mess. That was one big box of fireworks. Yesterday, they unloaded four even larger boxes of fireworks. I don’t know when they plan to start setting them all off, but it’s going to be a miserable time for the dogs and I won’t be surprised if Kat up and leaves the state until they’re done. That’s not a good thing.

Me? I’m just ignoring everything because there are things I either want or need to do regardless of what pain I’m feeling where. I may be glued to the bed afterward, but it’s worth that eventual consequence to get out and enjoy life a bit now.

Someone has been using a reverse image lookup site to scope out this website for the past few days. I don’t know who you are or what it is you’re trying to find, but know that there are no full sets on here taken prior to October 2015 because of a complete server loss. We’re also missing several sets taken from 2020-2022 because of changes in the software. If we’re failing to sufficiently offend you, let me know and we’ll try harder.

I’m going to eat and then take a shower now. I know it makes you anxious wandering the internet on your own, but you can do it. I’ve left you plenty to do. Be brave. Keep the back door locked. Let the dogs out occasionally. You can do this. I believe in you.

Cancer Update / Morning Update / Personal

Morning Update: 06/25/24

June 25, 2024

Beautiful Mornings [2014 original with AI background]

Weather forecasts yesterday all said that it would rain later this afternoon. That forecast isn’t wrong, but they missed that bit of rain that is lurking just northwest of the city. I’ll have to type fast if I want to get any mowing done before the wet stuff arrives. Doesn’t that sound like fun?

There’s not much to type, though. I slept most of the day yesterday. I was back in bed a few minutes after posting yesterday’s update, got back up long enough to eat lunch, and then was back in bed until after 4:00. I can’t explain how deep in my bones the pain is, mostly in my arms and knees. The kids were sufficiently quiet until G started playing remotely with someone on his VR headset and by that time I needed to be up anyway.

Have you seen yesterday’s photo dump? Putting that together was a nice bit of creativity. I still need to replace some blending tools but that will come in time.

Tipper did something different last night. There were a bunch of 8-12-year-old boys playing next door at the construction site, as boys tend to do. She decided that she needed to go over and make sure none of them got hurt. What surprised me is that she 1. didn’t have shoes on, 2. was only wearing shorts and a t-shirt (instead of sweats and a hoodie), and 3. she didn’t know any of the kids over there. She ended up hanging out and playing with them until dark, even making a trip down to the creek with them.

The dogs and I sat in the yard and pretended we were cool with her adventure. I kept telling myself, “Let her go. She’s not four anymore.” I still had to fight the urge to stand along the fence and keep a close eye on her. I worry a little that she may not be as careful or as situationally aware as G is. But she has to have room to explore and grow. I’m pretty sure I felt more hair turning gray.

Okay, it’s not getting any brighter outside. If I think of anything else I’ll just add another post later. Maybe. If I’m not in bed.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / Natural Light / Nature / Personal / Social Commentary

Morning Update: 06/23/24

June 23, 2024

Wild Things Are Beautiful [original 2015 with AI enhancement]

Blame it on the full moon or perhaps the rain that appears to be headed our direction, but we’re awake and typing at 4;00 in the morning without any good reason why. Well, I don’t know. I crashed around 8:30 last night, so that could be part of it. The car going through the neighborhood with its stereo blasting at 1:30 might have something to do with it. A general feeling of uneasiness is probably a contributing factor. I took the dogs out around 3:30, the full moon to our South, and lightning to the Northwest. They ran the perimeter of the yard several times, certain that something in the wind was bringing trouble to the yard. We finally came back in and they’ve settled back down. This could make for an interesting day.

Yesterday was an interesting mix of napping and trying to clean. The amount of energy it takes to sit on the floor and scoop things into a trash bag is surprising. The amount of animal hair that had matted itself to the carpet was disturbing. There’s still more to do later this morning but I’m trying to keep things quiet until at least 6:00. I need to try and figure out a better way to store my vynil. I’d prefer it to be up high, away from the cats, and where it’s easy to find what I want. There’s not really any space for doing that, though. There’s no space for doing much of anything.

Most of the newsfeeds haven’t been updated yet this morning. Reuters has pictures of injured Palestinians tied to the front of IDF vehicles, which is a war crime. I’m not sharing the pictures, obviously. They’re gross and disturbing and are really only suitable for evidence in a war crimes trial. Another person has died in the grocery store shooting in Arkansas. There were at least two other mass shootings across the country this weekend. The orange felon is trying to convince Christians to support him again, but let’s get real: if you’re supporting a felon for president, you’re not Christian. This might also be a good time to mention that last least five pastors of large churches have resigned in the past week due to sexual improprieties. Perhaps that’s what churches really have in common with the felon.

Sitting here with Pinball curled up in my arms, I’m aware of how different life is in chemo. There have been many nights when I would just now be getting home from a club or a party. 4:00 at a Waffle House, any Waffle House, is an experience unlike any other. Now, hashbrowns scattered, covered, smothered, and chunked, my usual late-night order, isn’t something I’m supposed to have regardless of the time of day. The thought of staying out this late at any club in Indy makes me shudder. I doubt I could stay awake for even the best of parties. Life simply isn’t the same. There’s less of everything. By the time I finish chemo, I’ll be too old to be out late. I’m disappointed. I don’t like the thought of everyone having fun without me.

Maybe I’ll edit some more old pictures since I’m up. If you missed the set I posted yesterday, you should look at them now. I don’t see myself falling back asleep anytime soon. In fact, I don’t think the animals have left me any room on the bed at the moment.

At least I have coffee. Coffee is my only friend. 🤣

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / Personal / Status

Morning Update: 06/22/24

June 22, 2024

Living in a Fantasy World [2014 original with AI background]

Sleeping late felt like the right thing to do this morning, but Jack-Jack, Queen Bit, and Fred Fredburger were having none of it. No matter how many times I brushed them off, they kept coming back and insisting that I get up. Jack was especially vicious with the head butts. I got up, fed the cats, took out three bags of trash because it will run today, and started a load of laundry while the coffee was brewing. Then, we took the dogs outside and fed them before sitting down to create this morning’s picture.

That really isn’t that much work, requires practically no effort, and ends with the pleasure of coffee hitting my lips. Everything should be fine, right? No, the cancer and the chemo are kicking my ass. I feel as though someone sucker-punched me right in the gut. Walking or sitting upright is challenging. The bed is right next to me and only three creatures are on it at this point. I could sneak back to bed and almost no one would know.

What adult gets to do that, though? There are too many things to do. I’ve let the room get cluttered to the point that it’s bothering me. That has to be addressed today and, knowing how my body degrades as the day gets longer, I know it has to be done this morning. I may fuss at the kids about the living room and kitchen, but the Recovery Room is totally on me. Well, me and the dogs but they’re really only good help if I need them to hold down something or eat crumbs.

Of course, all my going back and forth woke Kat. I’m sure she’s less than pleased. I’m hoping she has a gentle day so that she can get up to Brandon’s early and enjoy a peaceful weekend.

There was an odd moment with the mail yesterday afternoon. I went out with the dogs to see if the mail had come. I was hoping, which I should learn to never do, that my new debit card would come so that I could take care of things like cat food and laundry detergent and litter. You can likely imagine my disappointment to find the mailbox empty. I looked over and there was the mail truck sitting where it normally does after they finish delivering on our street. I took that to mean that we weren’t getting any mail.

But then came the ice cream truck. You know, the kind that plays the silly little music and dishes dairy-based delights from the back of a colorful van without anyone questioning whether it’s safe. They’ve been a ubiquitous summer staple since before any of us were kids. As the ice cream truck draws near, the mail carrier waves him down, walks over and gets an ice cream cone. I’m thinking, “Awww, that’s convenient. He gets ice cream at the end of his route on an impossibly hot day. Good for him.”

Then, as the ice cream truck starts to leave, there comes another mail truck. That mail carrier also wants an ice cream cone. Not that I can blame them after walking around in the heat all day. He gets his ice cream and leaves.

An hour later, I look down the street and… there’s our mail truck sitting where it does when they’re delivering mail on our street. I go back outside and check. Sure enough, there’s our mail. Still no debit card, of course, but at least the mail was there. That means the two previous mail trucks were not delivering mail in our neighborhood at all. They were only here for the ice cream, and our poor mail carrier, who sludges through the heat for 11 hours a day, completely missed out.

Speaking of heat, I’m wondering how it’s still possible that anyone thinks that their pet is going to be okay in a hot car? Even lizards have their limit and I’ve not seen anyone driving around a lizard. There were police reports yesterday of a dog found dead in its owner’s car, and two other people were arrested for endangering their dogs by leaving them in the car. Every summer this issue is a dominant one on all forms of media, yet it keeps happening. I don’t get it. Our dogs are rather aggressive at times about letting me know, “Hey, we want to go back inside now.” We don’t mess around with long walks or extensive time outside when the heat is this bad. We make more frequent short trips for their bathroom needs. Their bodies don’t process heat like ours do. If you’re one of those people who think that your dog can handle it, you’re just mean and I’d rather not know you.

There will be another post dropping about 10:00 this morning. It’s nothing heavy. I just thought it would be interesting to compare how I processed a set of images 14 years ago compared to how I processed the same pictures yesterday. You can look forward to that.

Meanwhile, I need to check my glucose, eat something, take my meds, and get on with this business of decluttering the room. Something tells me the dogs aren’t going to be especially cooperative.

Oh, I still haven’t heard a thing from Canon, Nikon, or Sony and the crew at Adobe is starting to really piss me off. But then, are we really surprised? They’re all big companies. They don’t have the guts to contact me, or anyone else, directly.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / News & Comment / Social Commentary

Morning Update: 06/21/24

June 21, 2024

It’s Always A Helluva Day [2010 original with AI enhancement]

Summer is definitely here and it’s making its presence known all across the Northern Hemisphere. The number of people dying from heat exhaustion is frightening. Of course, you won’t see much, if any of that in the news because it keeps people from doing things that spend money. That’s what summer is all about, isn’t it? Spending money. If we were to have a summer so hot that everyone stayed home and kept their money to themselves, thousands of businesses would have to shutter. We’ve built our economy in such a way that spending every dime you make and then some is a requirement to keep the nation strong.

Sitting in my email this morning was the following message from Adobe: The price of Creative Cloud All Apps for students and teachers is changing to US $34.99/month (plus applicable taxes), which will take effect on your next renewal date. This price continues to reflect an over 35% discount on the Creative Cloud All Apps plan. This comes as the US Government earlier this week filed suit against Adobe for having a “convoluted” cancellation process. In short, if you try canceling within the first year, Adobe tries charging you for the full annual amount.

Then, there was this from Reuters: Amazon mulls $5 to $10 monthly price tag for unprofitable Alexa service, AI revamp. Alexa’s been losing money for years so I doubt anyone can say they’re surprised. However, a large portion of Alexa users are seniors on a fixed income. $5 or $10 may not sound like much to some, but it’s a big deal for those whose budgets are already stretched to the breaking point.

Oh, and remember those “loans” given to help keep businesses afloat during the pandemic? IRS says ‘vast majority’ of 1 million pandemic-era credit claims show a risk of being improper. Offer corporations free money and not only will they take their share and run, they’ll steal what was supposed to go to other smaller companies as well. Corporate America can’t be trusted at any level.

I did get this email from my bank: Your new card is on the way. It should arrive soon, so be on the lookout. If you weren’t paying attention earlier this week, I had to order a new debit card after a $100 charge showed up that was not authorized. This is life in America: if you don’t spend all your money, someone will take it from you, probably Adobe or Amazon.

Meanwhile, I still need $300 to get a PC that works. No one seems to be interested in helping, but just in case today’s different: Venmo: @C_I_Letbetter or CashApp: $ciletbetter.

To help fight the heat, Kat took the kids to a pool yesterday afternoon. Remember yesterday morning’s post when I reminded everyone to wear sunblock? Yeah, Kat forgot the sunblock. If you’ve met her, you know how pale her skin is. Yes, she’s burned. Be gentle.

I’m going to need the attention of every photographer and camera manufacturer later today. There’s an article dropping at 10:00 and I’m going to need some answers. Be watching.

Apparently, I snored loudly last night. I left the door open when I went to bed. It was closed when Jack-Jack woke me up. Odd. I didn’t hear a thing. 🤣

This doesn’t feel like a Friday. We’ll see how it goes.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Long Read / Morning Update / Personal / Politics / Social Commentary / video

Morning Update: 06/19/24

June 19, 2024

Juneteenth

When the first sip of the first cup of coffee hits your lips in the morning, it’s eye-opening, mind-changing, attitude-reversing clarity that lasts just long enough to remind one that they need to take another sip because this day isn’t going to run itself without sufficient caffeine. There is no such thing as a “calm” day anymore. Even when the majority of the day is spent in bed either sleeping or whimpering in pain, as yesterday was, coffee is still needed to keep from biting the heads off cohabitants or fellow employees or cats just looking for a place to sleep. There is no margin for error when coffee is in short supply, and even then, there are days when pot after pot just isn’t enough.

Today is Juneteenth, a holiday if you’ve not been paying attention. Your bank is closed. There’s no trash pickup, which means it’s on a slide schedule for the rest of the week. There’s no mail service. Government offices are closed (which may be a blessing). Some businesses may close, though I’ve not seen a list of such.

What saddens me is that there are too many people who refuse to recognize Juneteenth. They say there’s no reason for the day to be a holiday. These would be the same people who, over the course of several days last week, posted AI-generated images of impossible displays of the US flag with the caption, “This is my pride flag.” I’m going to assume these people are ignorant. If you don’t understand why Juneteenth is important, click here and educate yourself, moron.

Yes, I just used the word moron. I’m done placating stupid people. We have reached a point where the level of stupidity is dangerous. Juneteenth is about freedom, but let’s be clear: As long as there are stupid people in charge of anything, we’re not free. Consider the following:

If you work 40+ hours a week and can’t afford groceries, you’re not free.
If you can’t afford to go to the doctor, you’re not free.
If you go to the doctor but can’t afford the medicine prescribed, you’re not free.
If your skin color allows you to be accused of a crime just because you “match the description,” you’re not free.
If you’re not allowed to make decisions about your own body, you’re not free.
If it is illegal for you to receive gender-affirming care, you’re not free.
If you have to jump through even ONE hoop in order to vote, you’re not free.
If you have to have your name on a list that your great-grandparents refused to sign in order to be recognized as who you are, then you’re not free.
If your citizenship is questioned because of the clothes you wear, then you’re not free.
If being intelligent causes you to be called a socialist, communist, or any other slur, then you’re not free.

As we celebrate this year, we must remember that there are still too many people, millions of people, in the US who are not free. They are slaves of a political and corporate establishment that holds them down, pulls them back, and refuses to recognize them as human. That, after all, has been the American way since the Constitution was written. Never forget that the founding of this country, a war fought on the backs of slaves, Indigenous peoples, and those too poor to own land, was done for the sole benefit of male property owners. They may have used the phrase, “all men are created equal,” but what they meant was men like them: white, educated, property owners. Every right that the rest of us have has had to be fought for every day since 1776, and we’re still having to fight. Every goddamn day.

There were tears in my eyes Monday morning when I looked at the list of Tony Award winners and saw that Suffs had won for both best book and best score. Suffs, if you don’t know, is Shaina Taub’s telling of the 2013 women’s suffrage movement. It is one example of a fight for freedom that never ends, especially if you’re a woman of any color. I know I shared this video on Facebook earlier this week, but I’m posting it here to continue making the point: The fight for freedom is never over. Not today. Not tomorrow.

https://youtu.be/d5_t8NPC67I?si=1sVeU_HecWwDzLw1

In case you can’t hear the song for any reason, here are the lyrics:

[ALICE]
You won’t live to see the future that you fight for
Maybe no one gets to reach that perfect day
If the work is never over
Then how do you keep marching anyway?
Do you carry your banner as far as you can
Rewriting the world with your imperfect pen
Till the next stubborn girl picks it up in a picket line over and over again?
And you join in the chorus of centuries chanting to her
The path will be twisted and risky and slow
But keep marching
Keep marching
Will you fail or prevail, well, you may never know
But keep marching
Keep marching ’cause your ancestors are all the proof you need
That progress is possiblе, not guaranteed
It will only be made if we keep marching, keep marching on
Keep marching on

[ENSEMBLE]
Keep marching on

[ALICE]
Keep marching on

[ENSEMBLE]
Keep marching on

[ALL]
And rеmember every mother that you came from
Learned as much from our success as our mistakes
Don’t forget you’re merely one of many others
On the journey every generation makes
We did not end injustice and neither will you

[SOME ENSEMBLE]
Neither will you

[ALL]
But still, we made strides, so we know you can too

[SOME ENSEMBLE]
Know you can too

[ALL]
Make peace with our incomplete power and use it for good
‘Cause there’s so much to do

[SOME ENSEMBLE]
So much to do

[ALL]
The gains will feel small and the losses too large
Keep marching
Keep marching
You’ll rarely agree with whoever’s in charge
Keep marching
Keep marching ’cause your ancestors are all the proof you need
That progress is possible, not guaranteed
It will only be made if we keep marching, keep marching on

[SOME ENSEMBLE]
Keep marching on

[OTHER ENSEMBLE]
Keep marching on

[SOME ENSEMBLE]
Keep marching on

[ALL]
Yes, the world can be changed

[OTHER ENSEMBLE]
We’ve done it before
So keep marching

[SOME ENSEMBLE]
Keep marching on

[OTHER ENSEMBLE]
Keep marching
We’re always behind you, so

[ALL]
Bang down the door
And keep marching

[SOME ENSEMBLE]
Keep marching on

[OTHER ENSEMBLE]
Keep marching
And let

[ALL]
History sound the alarm of how
The future demands that we fight for it now
It will only be ours if we keep marching, keep marching on

[OTHER ENSEMBLE]
Keep marching on

[ALL]
Come on, keep marching, marching, marching
Come on, keep marching, marching, marching
Come on, keep marching, marching, marching
Come on, keep marching, marching, marching
Come on, keep marching, marching, marching
Keep marching on

Taub’s words couldn’t be any more spot on: “On the journey every generation makes
We did not end injustice and neither will you.” “…your ancestors are all the proof you need
That progress is possible, not guaranteed.”

Over the course of the past few years, we’ve seen the Voting Rights Act demolished, Roe V. Wade overturned, and even now, as you’re reading this, state and county GOP committees are looking for ways to make it impossible for you to vote.

Juneteenth is a celebration of what is possible, but it must also be a reminder that NOTHING is guaranteed. We cannot sit back and take a damn thing for granted. We must keep marching, keep yelling, keep protesting, keep fighting, and keep voting even when/where they don’t want us. If we don’t, then we’ll lose every freedom our ancestors fought so hard to give us.

I find it no coincidence that we celebrate Juneteenth both in the middle of Pride month and just two weeks after Memorial Day, even though neither holiday had been established when news of the Emancipation Proclamation reached the ever-stubborn state of Texas. There’s always this big push to honor WWII veterans, though few remain. There’s always this talk about how they fought for our rights, to keep us free. I don’t challenge that. But let me be very clear: there is a constant and frightening popular threat to those freedoms headed by an orange felon who never served, never sacrificed a damn thing, and holds no regard for anyone’s freedom except his own. Given free reign, he will strip all of us of every freedom we ever thought we had.

When I woke up this morning, the dream I was having was perhaps frighteningly prophetic. There was an Indigenous family of four, Mom, Dad, and two teens about the same ages as G and Tipper. They were at some event that had a carnival-type atmosphere. They seemed to be having fun. Toward the end of the dream, they were all standing in line to sign up for something. My dream was not clear as to what, but they all seemed excited about it. The kids went through first, signed up for whatever it was, and then the man behind the desk shut the laptop and announced that they had reached the allowable limit. No one else was able to sign up. The parents reached out for their children as the kids were ushered off into darkness. It was then that I woke up.

No matter how long I live, I will never forget both my mother and my Uncle Windjammer telling me the story of why my great-grandparents refused to sign the Dawes Roll. Signing the Dawes Roll meant being affiliated with a tribe, recognized by the government as being Indigenous. The government said that being on the roll would come with certain rights and privileges. My great-grandparents didn’t buy into that spiel. Allegedly, the words of my great-grandmother were something along the lines of, “The last time they [the government] put our names on a list, they rounded us up and marched us across the country. We’d be fools to let them do it to us again.”

Never forget that we had no rights when the United States was founded. We’ve had to fight every damn step of the way. We cannot stop fighting now. There are too many people who want to push all of us back, keep us marginalized, slaves to a system in which we have no voice.

Don’t let it happen.

Keep marching.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / Personal / Social Commentary

Morning Update: 03/18/24

June 18, 2024

Negative Affirmations

A Moment In Thought [2010 original with AI enhancement]

There’s something different about my editing screen this morning and I’m not sure exactly what it is. The margins are off and that’s… unsettling. I’m not sure whether to blame one of the random software updates or my own ignorance, which seems to be growing by the hour. Being confident in one’s self is difficult when one loses the certainty of what one thinks they know.

Yesterday was mild. I read. I wrote. I napped. I read some more. I made dinner. Kat had a day full of haircuts, one right after another with no break. She fell asleep soon after she got home and I’m not sure she’s moved since. So everything is cool, right?

Not hardly. First, there was the matter of trying to get my prescription filled. I contacted the prescribing doctor who responded with, “Don’t worry, we’ll take care of it.” Ten minutes later, I got a second message, “All taken care of.” So, I check the pharmacy app and it’s back to “Getting refilled.” WHAT THE LIVING FUCK! I need the fucking medicine and I’m fucking tired of having to wait forever to get the damn thing filled!

Then, there was the matter of a recurring charge that shouldn’t be recurring or charging. We went over this with the bank three months ago. Yet, there it was again, $100 missing from my account. The bank replaced the funds, BUT their solution for preventing another incident was to replace my card. Again. Fine, order a new card. The problem with that is that not only will I have to go through and change every instance of my card number with every authorized service, but more importantly, I DON’T HAVE ACCESS TO THE MONEY IN MY ACCOUNT! I can’t buy milk or cat litter or a piece of sanity until the new card arrives. Normally, a new card would be here by the end of the week. However, there’s a freaking holiday in the middle of the week so who the fuck knows when I’ll get the new card and be able to make the necessary purchases.

Yes, the computer is still giving me fits, but no one seems terribly interested in helping resolve that problem. $300 takes care of it. Venmo: @C_I_Letbetter or CashApp: $ciletbetter. Feel free to help ease my suffering.

Since I can’t order more milk, which is the one food item we consume the most, I warned the kids last night to take it easy on the milk. What do I find in the kitchen this morning? Someone had finished the GIANT box of cereal and left the empty box on the counter with a corresponding amount of milk missing. Understand, we’ve only had that cereal a week and it’s already gone. Apparently, someone is using cereal as their primary source of sustenance.

All this and I woke up at 3:30 this morning, unable to go back to sleep. When I don’t sleep, I’m restless. When I’m restless, the cats get restless because I keep kicking them off the bed (it’s dark and I can’t see where they are). When the cats get restless, they get into things like the trash in the kitchen. Then, they wake the dogs. This morning started much too early.

Which leads me to the concept of Negative Affirmations. To hell with all the positive crap about, “you can do this,” and “make the day yours.” No. When a day starts like this, you have to accept the fact that things go wrong, things happen that annoy you and make you angry, and accept that how you feel about those things is okay. So, here are some Negative Affirmations for this morning.

It’s okay to be pissed off when no one takes out the goddamn trash.

Why is the trash bag sitting in the middle of the floor in the first place? No wonder the cats are tearing holes in the bag. If they can tie off the bag and set it on the floor, they can take it the fuck outside.

Go ahead and complain about the heat.

Everyone’s hot, everyone’s complaining about it in their head, so go ahead and say it out loud: it’s too damn hot. Alter your plans to stay where it’s cool. No one has the right to ask you to go out in this mess. It’s not healthy. Do they want you to fucking die? No? Then they can wait for this damn heat dome to pass before asking you to leave the air conditioning.

No, it’s not an oxymoron to drink hot coffee when it’s hot outside.

The only “moron” is the person suggesting you drink something other than hot coffee in the morning. Those are the kinds of suggestions that can get a person slapped, especially if I’ve not had my coffee yet. Coffee doesn’t increase one’s body temperature. Coffee keeps one from being homicidal in this heat.

Expecting everyone else to have their shit together is not unreasonable.

Never mind that I can’t remember my PIN or my passcode. My faults are not anyone else’s excuse for being inadequate. They don’t need to be adding to your bad mood with their incompetence. We’ll try to be understanding of innocent errors, but if you’re failing at the job you’ve been doing for twenty years, that’s a you problem. We’re going to expect better.

Being drunk before noon is a reasonable coping mechanism.

Just dealing with people is reason enough to drink and if they’re going to start being asshats early in the morning, then someone needs to spike the coffee. Make it a double if the person you’re dealing with is a fucking politician or telemarketer. Go ahead and drink, then take a nap. Otherwise, you might tell someone what you really think of them.

Telling a person to “shove it” is simply direct communication.

Everyone keeps telling us that “communication is key” and that we should be honest and direct. Okay, you can take all your positivity and sunshine and shove it up your ass. Let me have my bad day(s). How’s that for direct and honest?

You don’t have to give a shit about Taylor, Travis, or anyone else who may or may not be in a relationship.

There simply is no good reason for opening up the newsfeed and seeing a story about how much Taylor misses Travis right under the story about Netanyahu dismantling his war cabinet. No one with a brain fucking cares about celebrity private lives. No one with a working brain should. We have our own relationships to worry about.

No, the 70s rock music is not too loud.

There’s no such thing. You’re just jealous because your generation’s music is lame.

There are definitely more, but I’ll save them for another time. Right now, I need to refill my coffee cup that’s more than half empty.

Oh, and if you didn’t read yesterday’s educational post, you have homework to do.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / News & Comment / Personal / pop culture / Social Commentary

Morning Update: 06/17/24

June 17, 2024

Monday morning often come as a bit of a shock to the system. I lose track of time so easily that it takes a moment to figure out which day it is. With the kids being home this summer, I’m having more difficulty than usual because every day feels something like a weekend. Endless weekends sound nice but then important stuff starts falling through the cracks. Jack-Jack woke me up a little before 7:00 this morning and the first thing I discovered was cat puke on the end of the bed. This had to be a Monday.

When Jack wakes me in the morning, it’s because he’s hungry. This morning, he was self-defeating in his method. He stood on my chest and would get upset when I tried to sit up. I tucked him under my arm, as best as one can tuck a 20-pound cat, and scooted off the bed. I think I’ve mentioned how G is re-arranging the kitchen and living room this summer. It’s a process that requires moving some pieces multiple times. Yesterday, he moved the cat’s food bowls. This may prove to be a problem.

Why would moving the cats’ food bowls be a problem? Because he now has them on top of the two file cabinets which are set some distance from each other. The cats are accustomed to congregating and eating together. This new setup allows for no more than two at each bowl, and Queen Bit doesn’t like to share. We have nine cats and only two bowls. See the problem? And no, the bowls cannot be set on the floor because the dogs, Hamilton especially, like eating cat food, too. They like eating everything. G’s going to have to work on his strategy a bit.

The computer presented a bit of a problem again this morning. Obviously, since I’m writing this, I was able to get it worked out, but it re-emphasizes the urgency with which we need a replacement, which means we need help. Our friend Michael turned me on to a source of refurbished machines which would likely be more reliable than Amazon and the pricing is still under $300. If you want to help: Venmo: @C_I_Letbetter, or CashApp at $ciletbetter. Getting this problem out of the way will help my sanity from being destroyed any more rapidly than it already is.

After getting the computer problem fixed, I then had to call the bank and dispute a significant charge. They reversed the charge and then, since this is the second time I’ve had to dispute a charge from the same source, they canceled the card and are sending a new one. I’m sure you understand the challenge that creates. All automated bill payments set to that card have to be reset once the new one arrives in three to five business days. I always plan on five, but since Wednesday is a holiday (Juneteenth if you’re not paying attention), I’m going to plan on not getting anything before next Monday. I hope we can make the milk last.

Once they open at 9:00, I’ll be making a call to the pharmacy. My doctor called in a prescription when she saw me last Monday (which feels like a month ago at this point). I watched the pharmacy’s app so I would know when to ask Kat to pick it up. It wasn’t until Friday afternoon that it finally showed as being filled, but Kat wouldn’t be anywhere close to the pharmacy until Sunday afternoon. When she stopped by, however, they told her that the prescription wasn’t ready and needed pre-authorization.

I have a couple of questions. 1. If the script needed pre-authorization, why the fuck didn’t they call the doctor back when they found that out? The doctor could have handled the pre-authorization quickly and moved things along. 2. Why is the script listed as filled in the app when it clearly is not yet filled? Kat wasted a trip. Once the new insurance takes effect on the first, they’ll pay for me to get a ride to the pharmacy myself. I’m fairly sure I won’t be as polite on matters like this as Kat is. I’m too old for such nonsense.

So yeah, it’s Monday. It’s supposed to be hot everywhere this week. I need to find ways to expend as little energy as possible, thus generating minimal amounts of additional heat. I’m thinking that soaking in a tub full of water sounds like a good idea. I’m old enough the prune-looking skin really isn’t that much of a change from normal. The biggest challenge will be convincing the dogs that they don’t really need to go outside between 1:00 and 7:00 in the afternoon.

By the way, did you happen to see the video we posted yesterday? It’s a fast-moving minute and 23 seconds. You may need to watch it more than once to catch all the details, like whether or not you’re included in the 26 images.

Oh, in case you missed it, and you probably did, the Surgeon General of the United States is demanding that Congress require warning labels on all social media apps. The demand is part of an op-ed in this morning’s New York Times, which is behind a paywall so I’m not going to bother linking to it. There is a CNN article about the op-ed, however. Click here to read that. The Surgeon General cites a JAMA study showing an increased presence of depression in teens who use social media more than three hours a day. The study says that most teens are on social media five hours a day. During the summer, that number is likely higher.

My question is this: does the Surgeon General actually think that teens are going to pay any attention to government-issued warnings? Has the Surgeon General met any actual teens that don’t live in Georgetown or summer in the Hamptons? I won’t challenge the findings of the JAMA study, but I don’t think government-required warnings are anywhere close to being an answer. I mean, we were teens when warning statements started appearing on cigarette packages. Did that warning ever stop any of you? Ever? I think warnings of this type are an empty gesture. The government gets to say, “We tried to warn them,” without doing anything concrete to actually solve the problem.

A more appropriate solution: require social media app makers to install a kill switch that automatically turns off the apps after three hours of use and doesn’t turn them back on for 24 hours. The technology is available and relatively easy to install. If you’re genuinely serious about teen health, then that’s what you have to do. Turn the damn apps off for them. They can do so based on the age of the user so that addicted adults can still get their fix. This is not a difficult fix. A simple timer and a two-line call for the user’s age is all it takes. Killing the app, not the entire phone, is the more responsible thing to do.

Yeah, you and I both know that will never happen. Government likes pretending to be responsible, but they don’t want any actual responsibility. And have you seen the idiots in Congress? I sometimes wonder if any of them can actually dress themselves of the morning.

It’s Monday. I need more coffee. A LOT more coffee.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / News & Comment / Personal / Politics / Social Commentary

Morning Update: 06/16/24

June 16, 2024

Beauty Among The Gods [2010 original with AI background]

My children (the four-legged ones) woke me shortly after 6:00 this morning. Did I sleep at all last night? It certainly doesn’t feel like I did. Toss, turn, flip, repeat. If I was a piece of meat simmering over a low flame, I’d be burned by now. This isn’t how I like to start the morning. I walked into the living room and noticed that the cats had broken yet another glass-covered frame.

While I was out with the dogs, three jets passed overhead, leaving IND just as fast as air traffic control could get them off the ground. They seemed to be taunting me, “We’re escaping and you’re not, loser.” I’ve not been outside Indianapolis since my last trip to Chicago, four years ago. Being around so many people whose minds are warped from generations of belief in mythology, who are mistakenly convinced that the 1950s morality was better, and who think they have a right to force their morality and opinions on others, is crippling. I’d leave, but where am I going to go, and, more importantly, who is going to take me there?

A perfect example of why this is a horrible state is found in yesterday’s state GOP convention. We already knew that, following the primary, Mike Braun is the unfortunate choice for governor. Braun has been useless as a US Senator, so I doubt he’ll be any better as a governor. He had chosen state Rep. Julie McGuire as his running mate. But noooooo, Indiana is so fucking stupid that they chose ultra-right-wing pastor Micah Beckwith. This classless idiot “is known for his far-right stances on gender, sexuality, and abortion. He cast himself as a political outsider who would keep the governor’s office in check, limit property taxes, and oppose school efforts to support the LGBTQ+ community,” according to the Associated Press. Braun says he’ll hold Beckwith in check, but can we rely on that? No, we can’t. Beckwith lobbied for over a year to get this position. We’ll painfully feel his influence if he’s elected. Can Democrats win? No. They’re underfunded and continue to nominate people who are unelectable from the outset. Indiana is going to be one of the worst places to live on the planet.

But then, I’m not exactly happy with the rest of the planet, either. These are some of the headlines greeting me this morning:

Do you see the repeating pattern in all those headlines? How fucking stupid are we to stick to a faulty constitutional amendment just because of who wrote it? We’ve said it again and again and again, the US is the ONLY industrialized country with this problem! We need to get the fuck over this stupid worship of a single statement by people who lived in a very different society.

Maybe I should move to Denmark or Finland. I wonder if they let old people in.

A forecasted high of 96 this afternoon most likely nixes our weekly walk in the park. The Brickyard Vintage Racing Invitational is making noise over at the track. One would have to be a real fan of old race cars to endure all the short little races that are on the schedule. Apparently, there aren’t many of these fans left. They can fit all the parking in the infield. Still, we have to put up with the noise.

My sugar was stupid high again last night. I’m not sure if it was the hamburger bun, the cheese, or the mashed potatoes that is at fault. On their own, I wouldn’t have expected any of them to send my glucose skyrocketing, but together they generated a frightening number. Maybe that’s why I’m so cranky.

There WILL be a new video posted, probably a little later this morning. I managed to finish everything except the rendering last night. We’ll see what kind of hoops I have to jump through to get it posted. The last one had to be FTP’d onto the server. This one’s larger. Yikes!

And yeah, we still need help with that new machine. Venmo: @C_I_Letbetter or CashApp: $ciletbetter. We don’t need all that much. I just have nothing left to give to it myself.

Maybe I should go back to bed and stay there the rest of the day.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / Personal

Morning Update: 06/15/24

June 15, 2024

Something Special Is Cooking [2010 original with AI Gator]

Everything is running about an hour late this morning and I think I deserve a donut or something for not screaming at the top of my lungs (yet) in frustration. The problem is not the fact that Jack-Jack woke me up a little after 7:00 this morning, nor the matter concerning Queen Bit throwing up on my carpet. What’s causing the delay is the fact that my PC, you know the one that had the video card issue last week, decided that it just wanted to mimic Bit and throw up all over the place. There was a complete meltdown over RAM allocation forcing a hard reboot and a system restore to get everything running again. Even now, I’m not totally convinced that anything is fixed and running as it should be.

What this means, is that I’m now officially in the market for a new PC. I’ve checked and there are some options we can utilize without putting me over the Social Security-imposed asset limit. There’s this option or this option via Amazon. Neither HP nor Dell have options within the price range that come with the 32 GB RAM and it’s the RAM that’s most important. I know Adobe claims you can run its apps on 16GB machines, but the more they lean into AI, which is where they’re definitely going on everything, the more RAM is necessary to do the graphics processing. I’m not helped any by replacing one 16 GB machine with another.

We are accepting donations toward this fundamental addition via Venmo [@C_I_Letbetter] or CashApp [$ciletbetter]. The sooner we can get this matter resolved, the less likely I am to go bald within the next week.

Yesterday ended up being a huge sleep day. I had wanted to maybe work on a new video, but after completing four images (with no small amount of trouble), I trashed the whole idea and went to bed for most of the afternoon. I punted on dinner as well and was back in bed for the night by 8:30. Am I lame? Without question. Kat was out enjoying an event, meeting long-time Facebook friends in person, and being all social and stuff while I was snoring so loudly I ran off the cats (the dogs take my snoring as a challenge and try to match it). One thing about it, though, if I’m sleeping I’m probably not getting into as much trouble as I possibly could if I were awake.

When I took the dogs out this morning, I looked around at the amount of sunlight and realized that 12 or so years ago, I would have been up and had a full three-look shoot in the can before the sun was this high. Danelle would have playfully (sort of) complained about my consistently early call times. The model would have worn a jacket until the last possible minute. And when we were done, I’d head for the nearest coffee shop. As intense as those mornings could be, I miss them like crazy now. I miss the creativity, the camaraderie of a great team, and the feeling of having accomplished something wonderful before 8:00 in the morning.

There was also the realization this morning that I’ve not been out to coffee with anyone in well over a month. I’m not sure why, exactly. I know there were some days/weeks when I needed to stay in, but those have been past for a hot minute. There’s no reason for me to not be out enjoying people. Good luck getting me to actually hit someone up, though. I’ll forget to do so by the time I get this post published.

So much creativity still runs through my brain and it hurts more than I can communicate to not be able to do a damn thing about it. I am frustrated by the amount of time I have to spend in bed. I am disappointed in my own ability to follow through on possible alternatives. I absolutely hate the amount of pain that hits out of nowhere at random times of the day. This is not being a fun existence.

This coming week doesn’t offer any solutions. Temps are going to be too high too early in the day. Once I take the dogs out first thing in the morning, we’ll be staying inside as much as possible. I’m thankful that our AC is working well, though we may have to turn up the thermostat a notch or two so it’s not overworked. My heart goes out to all the animals, both two-legged and four, who have to wander outside during this heat wave. I hope they can all find appropriate shelter.

I may try that video again. This morning’s system restoration reset a bunch of things, so I may be able to get the necessary number of images processed. Or maybe I’ll go back to sleep. Who knows? I never do.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / News & Comment / Personal / Politics / Social Commentary

Morning Update: 06/14/24

June 14, 2024

Flamingo Reality [2015 with AI enhancement]

Morning came earlier, and more painful, than I expected. No, it wasn’t the storms that moved through just after midnight; I weathered those without much issue. Jack-Jack, our dear mane coon mix, was balancing himself on my one-inch-wide headboard and decided to play with the one photo that was standing on a shelf. All the other photos are secured to the wall, but not this one. Jack decides that is a good enough reason to knock it off the shelf, onto my head, breaking the glass and giving me one hell of a headache to start the day. Fortunately, the glass broke into large pieces and stayed in the frame. I wasn’t cut by anything. And I didn’t curse as loud and vehemently as I wanted. I’ve taken the appropriate pain medication, but I have a feeling I’m still heading for bed once I finish this.

We stayed in most of yesterday. I think the high here got up to 91 yesterday. It will be close to the same every day for a while. I think Monday’s forecasted high is 96. I’m not sure what that means for any kind of Father’s Day activity.

I feel sorry for the guys who pick up our trash this week. As the kids have been re-arranging everything, they’ve been filling bags with trash that should have gone out days/weeks/years ago. Our trash bin is piled high. But as I took the last two bags out this morning, I looked down the street and saw that ours isn’t the only bin piled high. Our trash guys work hard any day, but they really have their work cut out for them this week.

The card and related material for my new Medicaid replacement insurance came in yesterday’s mail. The policy takes effect July 1, which can’t come too soon. The good news is that not only will it cover transportation to the doctor, but to the pharmacy, curbside grocery pickup, and the social security office. I may try the curbside grocery pickup. Maybe if I do that the ice cream won’t be melted by the time I get it in the freezer. The big question, though, is whether it will cover assisted living costs. I won’t have full access to the information until the first of the month. We’ll cross our fingers and hope for the best.

Apparently, the Pentagon has been playing dirty. Again. Reuters is reporting this morning that “At the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, the U.S. military launched a secret campaign to counter what it perceived as China’s growing influence in the Philippines, a nation hit especially hard by the deadly virus. It aimed to sow doubt about the safety and efficacy of vaccines that China was supplying.” As if there wasn’t enough misinformation and questions about the whole pandemic, does anyone need the Pentagon jumping and making intentionally false statements? This is not the type of activity that we need from our military. Of course, considering who was president at the time, I can’t say I’m surprised. Perhaps it makes sense that the Pentagon would follow the example of its Commander-In-Chief and lie about… everything.

Abortion rights supporters are understandably happy about the unanimous decision by the Supreme Court to maintain the availability of Mifepristone, a widely-used abortion pill. Be aware, however, that the ruling doesn’t actually change anything, and anti-abortion zealots are determined to get it off the market through any means possible. As this decision was being handed down, Republicans in Congress blocked an attempt by Democrats to push a bill that would have guaranteed a woman’s access to IVF, the latest enemy of anti-choice nut jobs. The issue isn’t going away, is most likely to get most nasty in state-level elections, and is critical to guaranteeing a woman’s autonomy over her body. I am hoping that more angry women step up to the plate and strongly defeat Republicans (mostly old white men) on this issue.

There is a video circulating that appears to show the orange felon attempting to kiss a young lady who is obviously turning him down. I’ve seen the video, though, and I’m not sure it’s legit, which is why I’m not sharing it with you. I worry about this form of possible misinformation. Does it sound like something the former president would do? Yep. We all know he’s a predator. We knew that back in 2016 and yet he was elected anyway. What bothers me is the number of people for whom that isn’t a problem. Both presidential candidates tend to give off creeper vibes around women and how either of them is on the ticket astonishes me. Are ya’ll really okay with that? Are you okay with your wives and daughters being treated so crudely?

My head is really hurting now. Thanks, Jack. I can tell this is going to be a wonderful day.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / Personal / Social Commentary

Morning Update: 06/12/24

June 12, 2024

A NATURAL WORKOUT and an AI bear. [2019]

TAKE A LOOK AT TODAY’S DATE. SEE THE MATH FUN GOING ON THERE? THAT MUST MAKE TODAY SPECIAL 🤣

Okay friends, we’ve all survived another day and that is probably more miraculous than any of us care to admit. I found out yesterday that a high school friend’s long-time partner and husband passed over the weekend from cancer. I never had the privilege of meeting Paul’s husband. We all live too far apart and none of us are especially inclined to roaming. My heart and compassion go out to Paul as he mourns. For the rest of us, we are reminded that our time here is never as long as we want it to be. We should make the most of the days we have and tell those we love how we feel.

Except for the cats. Try telling a cat how much you love it and they’ll just look you in the face and wonder why you’ve not fed it in the past two minutes. Fat Guy is standing in the hallway now making noise at me because he wants to go outside. We do let him out on occasion, but if we’re not watching he’ll scoot over to the neighbor’s backyard where there are plenty of places to hide. The neighbors have a new puppy who likes to yap at everything, so I don’t think they’d be pleased by Fat Guy’s intrusion.

We mowed the lawn yesterday with almost zero fuss. I wanted to take advantage of the last unseasonably cool day before we go back to summer heat for the rest of the week. What I find funny is that once we started, three of our neighbors decided to do their lawns as well. As Kat continues gathering the things we need to let our yard go feral, I wonder if any of them will follow suit on that as well.

We grilled last night for the first time in a few years. It wasn’t inexpensive. The grill had been sitting over on the back side of the yard, tied down by weeds, slowly rusting away. I had to get pumice stones to get it clean and then replace the grilling utensils that seemed to have suddenly gone missing. I put the meat on while the coals were still too hot and it charred on one side, but not only was it still edible, Tipper came back for seconds! The meal was good, but it ultimately would have been cheaper to order out. At least we have everything if we want to try again.

Wanna hear something funny? According to a Vatican press release, the Pope has told priests to limit the length of their homilies to eight minutes. That’s it. Not ten. Not fifteen. Eight minutes. How many of us grew up listening to sermons that went on and on and on and on? In fact, depending on the denomination and the specific culture, there are still plenty of churches that start at 11:00 AM and don’t let out until after 2:00 PM because their pastors just don’t know when to sit down and shut the fuck up. Can you imagine a Southern Baptist preacher limiting his sermon to eight minutes? The congregation would wonder if he was ill! I’m finding the concept incredibly hilarious.

And there’s a bit of hope this morning. Fulfilling Lakota prophecies of better times, an extremely rare white buffalo has been born in Yellowstone. “The birth of this calf is both a blessing and warning. We must do more,” said Chief Arvol Looking Horse, the spiritual leader of the Lakota, Dakota, and the Nakota Oyate in South Dakota, and the 19th keeper of the sacred White Buffalo Calf Woman Pipe and Bundle. Last year’s severe winter saw the loss of some 1,500 bison in the park. This birth brings hope for restoration and rejuvenation which is much needed throughout the northern tribes.

I think Tipper’s wanting to go for a walk this morning, so we better get moving. Ya’ll try to behave or something. Believe in something you know exists: yourself.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / News & Comment / Personal / Politics / Social Commentary

Morning Update: 06/11/24

June 11, 2024

Let’s Make This Interesting [2021 original with AI swan]

How the hell is it the middle of June and it’s 46 degrees outside this morning? The dogs were snuggled up so tight against me this morning, that for a moment I thought someone liked me (until Ham wagged his tail). This cool front is supposed to leave by tomorrow, but damn, I’m going to have to put on long sleeves to take the dogs out in a bit!

The good news is that I did make it to the doctor yesterday. My glucose is down considerably, so there’s no need for insulin at this time. My blood pressure was still stupidly high, though, so we’re going back on Jardiance to address that and latent heart and stroke issues. We’ll check everything again in three months unless the numbers start getting high again.

Shortly after getting back home, my check hit the bank so I was able to order the groceries that we needed. The biggest challenge was trying to get all the frozen food into one little freezer. Since there’s not a store that carries fresh food within walking distance, we use a lot of frozen veggies to make sure we’re not going to get scurvy or anything like that. You wouldn’t think that would take a lot of space, but it does. Still, it’s a problem I’m glad to deal with. Seeing an empty fridge/freezer is rather frightening.

Another bit of good news came this morning as Hamas says it accepts UN-backed Gaza truce plan. There are still details to work out, and Israel has to stop bombing the living hell out of everything in Gaza, but after eight months of the two sides trading war crimes, I think the rest of the world is ready for them to stop. Since they’ve been behaving like spoiled children, perhaps we put them in separate corners of the region and make them sit facing a wall for a couple of centuries until they learn their lesson. Do you think that might work?

After going all day yesterday saying that his plane was missing, officials now confirm that Malawi vice president Chilima was killed in a plane crash. Malawi isn’t in the news a lot and their politics rarely get lively enough for the rest of the world to notice. However, this is the second high-ranking government official to die in an aircraft “accident” in the past month. You’ll remember that Iran’s president was killed in a helicopter “accident” a couple of weeks ago. I hope this isn’t the start of a trend.

The FBI’s latest data shows a ‘historic’ drop in crime across the US, citing a decrease in violent crime of 15% for the first three months of the year. From a pure numbers perspective, this is great news. However, perception is reality on this issue and what ultimately matters is whether people feel safe. This is still going to be a huge hot-button topic for election campaigns and expect to see some absolutely ridiculous claims from the far right. The national media is partially complicit here, sensationalizing every shooting they can find. The fact that there are fewer of them gets lost in the headlines that are part of making people feel unsafe.

One more thing and I’ll shut up for a few minutes. ABC News is reporting that the Biden administration plans to ban medical debt from credit reports. On one hand, this is good news for millions of Americans. However, it raises a couple of issues. First, why not eliminate medical debt completely with a national healthcare plan that simply covers everything? Wipe money-grubbing insurance companies and greedy hospital executives off the map and the debt goes away. Second, the change doesn’t have the full weight of the law. It exists in a rule change within the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. That means a subsequent president could have the rule overturned, which puts everyone in a precarious position. The economy needs people to have better credit scores, though, so that sales of big-ticket items such as homes and cars can increase. Take the win for now, but be careful that it’s not a real solution to the cost of healthcare in the US.

Oh yeah, I’m looking at my web stats and noticing that no one has looked at the article I posted yesterday afternoon, “Dealing With Adobe’s New ToS.” I thought for sure that my creative friends would be all over this one. I’m a bit disappointed. I included pictures and everything! LOL!

For some reason, today doesn’t feel like a Tuesday. I’m getting more of a Wednesday vibe, except that Kat’s here, which doesn’t happen on Wednesday mornings. The lawn needs to be mowed, but we’ll have to wait until the temperature outside at least hits 60. I’m not sending the kids out in coats!

You and I both need more coffee. Fill your cup and maybe I’ll have a surprise later this morning.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / Personal / Social Commentary

Morning Update: 06/10/24

June 10, 2024

Before anything else this morning, I have to give a HUGE Thank You to Brandon for taking care of my PC problem. The matter wasn’t as dire as I anticipated. Moving the monitor cord from one connection to another solved the problem. That still doesn’t address the lack of drive space issue, but I’m working on that. At least we’re up and running once more.

Beyond that, I need to be brief. Both Kat and I started our morning on the phone with our respective banks. She’s still on hold with hers as I type. The good news on my end is that my SSI deposit should hit sometime today, which means I’ll be able to buy groceries. Kat’s having a different matter as she’s having fees deducted from a source she’s no longer part of. We run too tight of a budget for there to be problems like this and the stress on mornings like this is severe.

The kids had a busy weekend. G decided that the entire kitchen needed to be revamped. So, while I napped yesterday, he and Tipper managed to get the dead fridge out of the kitchen, moved tall shelves from one room to the next, took out part of a cabinet, and moved the full fridge across the kitchen. There were times it got a bit messy, but they ended up with a lot more room to navigate the kitchen. I tell you, this kid has a natural knack for engineering if that’s what he decides to do.

Kat, Tipper, and I took a nice, quiet walk around Lilly Lake to end the weekend. We saw some fuzzy little goslings, none of which were named Ryan, twins having a meltdown, and one little boy was excited to tell me about the small bluegill he caught in the lake. It was a nice change of scenery from having been home most of the past week.

There is a stench across Indianapolis this week. Our dear city has been invaded by Southern Baptists. Officially, their annual meeting starts tomorrow, but they’ll spend today yelling and screaming at each other about how horrible things are in the country and that only the Southern Baptist god can do anything about it. My friend Brian sent me a link to an article written by a local pastor. I think he sums up much of the problem quite nicely in tones that, maybe, they can understand. You can read it here: “Dear SBC: Let My People Go!” And if there were any questions as to the politics of the situation, the orange felon addresses the assembly by video tomorrow, and former murder target VP Pence addresses them as well, though not on the main floor. These nutjobs are here fowling things up through Thursday morning. My apologies to all the service workers downtown who will see smaller/non-existent tips and an increase in rude, privileged customers.

I know a lot of people are upset by all the construction on the South side of town and all the potholes everywhere else. Here’s some perspective for you: A large chunk of Wyoming’s Teton Pass Road just disappeared yesterday. Now THAT is a big pothole! Something tells me it could be a while before they get that fixed.

We’re going to try to have a decent day. Kat’s still on the phone with the bank. We hope your day starts better. I’m off to the endocrinologist.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / Personal / Status

Morning Update: 06/09/24

June 9, 2024

One of the fun things about having animals sleeping in bed with you is that they’re all warm and snuggly. Okay, so they get pet hair all over you. That’s a small price to pay for all the love and comfort they give through the night. Animals have bad nights too, though, and last night was one for Hamilton. This may have started because he was the last one to get on the bed. He always waits until I lie down so he can position himself as close to me as possible. That becomes difficult, though, when by the time I go to bed there is Belvedere and seven cats already there.

There are some physics to getting into a crowded bed. Understand first of all that the hound isn’t moving for anyone or anything. That’s roughly 58 pounds of dead weight, and he likes having his head on a pillow. The cats will move, but they do so in relationship to who else is on the bed. When Kat’s not here, Queen Bit tends to be on the bed and no one wants to piss her off. Like Belvedere, she doesn’t like to move. Unlike Belvedere, if you get close you’re getting the claws. So, I try to go back-to-back with B and make sure my legs are out of range of Bit. Everyone else adjusts.

When Hamilton adds his 70-something pounds to the bed, though, always after the lights are off, it’s rather like a tornado hitting in the middle of the night. He doesn’t seem to care where anyone else is, he just jumps onto the bed and starts turning in circles until he’s cleared out a space large enough for his body. Everything and everyone else goes flying. Sometimes the cats return, and sometimes they don’t. Last night, they all came right back and Ham was stuck at the foot of the bed because B, Bit, and Jack-Jack had the positions closest to me.

Ham was restless. He flipped and flopped during the night, causing cats to have to readjust every time he did. He really wanted to get up closer to me, but Bit would hiss and swing her claws at him every time he tried. Finally, he hopped down, opened the bedroom door (it’s rarely shut tight), and went to the living room. He was feeling rejected and he likes to sit in my recliner to pout. But G is in the middle of re-arranging the living room (one of those tasks that raises more questions than it answers) and my recliner is full of framed pictures. He managed to get up on the arm of the couch (a fact I know from how everything was scattered this morning) and look out the living room window. He woofed at something, pouted with his snout on the back of the couch for a while, then came back to the room.

By now, it’s almost 4:00. Jack-jack hops up in hopes that there’s still a snack in the food bowl (there wasn’t). For those just joining, Jack is our mane coone mix. He weighs just under 20 pounds. He doesn’t want to jump to the floor until he’s at the foot of the bed, and he’s also smart enough to know not to get within swatting reach of Bit. So, he trots his furry self right down the length of my body, disturbing Pinball and Gabby who were both lying on my legs.

Hamilton sees Jack’s absence as a possible opening for getting back on the bed. He gives it a try only to be swatted down by Bit because he barely missed her face as he jumped, which would scare the crap out of any cat. I tried to get him to come up from the foot of the bed, which would have been much safer, but he was afraid there were still cats there. He whines for a few minutes, then finally decides to spend the rest of the night on the floor, which is, for him, relative to being sentenced to purgatory.

When Jack came back around to wake me at 6:30 (because there still wasn’t any food in the bowl, Dad), Ham took advantage of all the cats rushing to get their breakfast and jumped up on the bed, curled up next to Belvedere, and slept for all of ten minutes before B decided that they needed to go outside. I had just made a cup of coffee. I pulled on my jeans and off we went.

Are we sure it’s June? Stepping outside wearing nothing but jeans and a t-shirt (which isn’t remotely as sexy as it sounds) would normally be a pleasant coolness at the start of the day. Instead, it was 58 degrees with a fair breeze. It felt more like April out there. I drank my coffee, which was cooling rapidly, as the dogs did the stuff that dogs do. By the time I reached the bottom of the cup, the dogs were staring off toward the North as if waiting for something exciting to pop out of the Sunday morning quietness. Nothing did. We went back inside. I fed the dogs, and now we’re all caught up.

This is how my life is now. Hamilton, Jack-jack, and Bit are back on the bed now. Belvedere is curled up in his favorite padded corner, which he arranged himself to his liking. The twins are looking for something to destroy. Pinball is curled up in Kat’s chair. Gabby is looking out the living room window. I’m not sure where the hell Fred Fredburger is, but he’ll be back in here shortly. Fat Guy and Lyndy are snuggled up with G.

Me? I’m just sitting here worrying about how I’m going to get to my doctor’s appointment in the morning if my check doesn’t show up. It’s supposed to be here by the 10th, even without the advance pay for which I’m allegedly signed up. As long as it hits on time, I can take an Uber, which is exactly what I’d planned. However, what do I do if it doesn’t? According to the Social Security office, it can technically hit anywhere between the 10th and 15th and still be considered “on time.” Just because it’s been there by the 10th in previous months does not guarantee that it will be there in the morning. What do I do?

My appointment is at 9:00 AM at Community Cancer Center North. Normally, I would say that I’d be done by 10:30, but this isn’t an oncology appointment. Tomorrow’s visit is with the endocrinologist to see if my glucose is heading back to where it should be. I’m thinking, based on this week’s numbers, that we should be okay and can continue with the current medicine regimen. In that case, I’m done by 9:30. If the doctor sees something different, though, then I go across the street to the hospital and they teach me how to give myself insulin. No telling how long that might take. I really need a solution that is flexible to the situation. I don’t suppose there’s anyone willing to be my last-minute backup.

Speaking of glucose, it’s time to check mine and then get busy with some other topics that are bugging me this morning. You never know what is coming up next.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / Personal

Morning Update: 06/08/24

June 8, 2024

There is a point here at which I’m not sure what I can say, what I should say, and what’s going to get me into trouble. I apologize for the areas in which I must be vague in order to avoid entering legal situations I can’t afford or embarrassing people I care about. There were some interesting messages yesterday before I crashed for the day at 7:30 PM. None of them were positive.

The first involves a former friend who had been a high school classmate of Kat’s. They’ve been around us often. We’ve seen them through some tough times and Kat has even bought groceries for them, diapers for babies, and provided transportation for important appointments. They’ve been having problems for quite a while, but it was still a bit of a shock when Kat sent me the following [redacted] message yesterday.

“Looks like [name] lost the kids to CPS. If [they] show up, do not answer the door and call 911 to have [them] Baker acted.”

Kat’s reason for sending that message was because this person had shown up on the front porch of another friend, scaring the living shit out of their adult daughter with wild claims that were exaggerated, desperate, and paranoid. They know where we live and it would not be out of reason for them to come by and try to push their way into the house as they look for a solution that doesn’t exist outside themselves.

I have sympathy for people with mental illness. I’ve experienced it too deeply with people I’ve loved to turn a blind eye to a situation such as this. There are limits, though. We cannot risk our safety or the safety of our family. I made that mistake once and have vowed to never let it happen again. This person needs deep in-patient help, the kind that they’re not going to go looking for on her own. As I’m typing, no one seems to know exactly where they are. What bothers me about that situation is that police are likely to get involved and, historically speaking, encounters between IMPD and mentally ill individuals rarely end positively.

Meanwhile, the doors are locked and the kids have instructions to not go outside without me.

The second matter involves a work relationship. A few years ago, a good friend took a job managing a strip club on the East side of town. At the time, it seemed to be a good fit. The club needed a website and social media so I took the job primarily to help my friend and because it wasn’t a huge time hit against other activities.

All was going well at first. They added tight security to the bar and eliminated a lot of the illegal activity for which the club was known. Most importantly, they put an end to the almost weekly shootings that had been taking place. Then, the pandemic hit and, like every strip club in town, they took a hit from which they would never recover. None of them have. Amidst the financial struggles, they could no longer afford my full services, so I cut back severely. Then, the whole chemo issue came up and I could no longer provide any service at all.

At about the same time, it was discovered that one of the bartenders at the club was circumventing the law and providing “extra” services with the girls out in the parking lot. There was plenty of skullduggery going on and when the manager and owner found out about it, the bartender was released. Makes sense, right?

But the club still did not recover. Eventually, my friend left, which was a smart move for them. But the part that boggles my mind is that the owner went back and re-hired the bartender who had caused all the legal problems! Almost immediately, the shootings started up again. The club became a dangerous place to be. Before long, the club closed for good. I was told that it would never be a strip club again. Not a bad thing. Over and done, you’d think.

But then, I received a text yesterday from the owner asking me to scrub the club’s website and social media. I was pretty sure I already knew my answer but I double-checked just to be sure: my passwords no longer worked. They shouldn’t. I thought it was interesting that I would be contacted out of the blue like that, but then a headline came across my news feeds. A local TV station was doing a story on the closed club. Ahhh, everything makes sense now. I’m glad to have distanced myself from the club before things got this bad.

Both texts landed within 30 minutes of each other, totally dominating a fair portion of the afternoon. The kids had plenty of questions about the first situation since they are aware of some of the events that have taken place there. I didn’t have good answers for them at the time and had to defer to Kat. Tipper was especially worried that the kids involved were safe. As we wrapped up that conversation, the dogs needed to go out. I checked the mail and there was a single envelope, addressed to me, with what appeared to be a suspicious laser-printed return address on the envelope. My first assumption was that it was a sales thing of some type and I almost threw it away unopened.

Good thing I didn’t follow through on that impulse. It was from Family & Social Services, which manages, among other things, healthcare for Medicare and Medicaid in the state. The enclosed letter began:

This summer, Indiana will launch a new Medicaid program called Indiana PathWays for Aging. You are receiving this letter because you currently receive Medicaid benefits administered by the State of Indiana. Your Medicaid health coverage will automatically transition to Indiana PathWays for Aging starting this summer. This letter will confirm your Medicaid health plan and how to change your Medicaid health plan if needed.

Thrill. Here’s the thing: this will be the third insurance program I’ve been on since the first of the year. I’ve not been to visit a GP, which I had to change on the currently active insurance, since last November. There are issues. Now, it’s all changing again.

Kat kinda has the inside scoop on this since a certain high-ranking member of the state legislature gets their hair cut at the salon. Conversations happen. Apparently, Indiana PathWays for Aging is part of the legislature’s panicked response to everyone getting kicked off Medicare/Medicaid at the first of the year. They’re trying to not blow the rollout, which is why there’s no definitive date for when it will become effective. But it leaves me in a lurch. What do I tell my care providers? Will my former GP be covered again or do I have to go searching (which I hate)? Will this make it any easier to get into a funded Assisted Living facility that doesn’t wreak of bleach and death?

Answers are simply not available. There’s no website, even though one is listed in the literature provided. Kat thinks that this will ultimately be a good thing, but I don’t trust the government to not fuck up everything they touch. The $2,000 asset limit for those receiving SSI would be a good example. You can lose your eligibility if you exceed that limit. The limit hasn’t changed since 1985. Adjusted for inflation, it should be no less than $10,000 and there are social security employees who don’t know what the rules are. This is why I can’t ask for help when there’s only 58 cents left in my checking account. I don’t dare risk going over that limit by even one cent. I need to purchase something close to $400 in groceries, but the damn check still hasn’t arrived.

So, if I’m a little skeptical about there being an upside to yet another government program managing my healthcare, please understand my hesitancy. It’s not like they have a good track record behind them.

There is a moderate chance of light rain later this morning. The air is heavy with moisture. It’s not even 10:00 and I’m ready to go back to bed.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / Personal / Status / video

Morning Update: 06/06/24

June 6, 2024

Eternal Hell [2014 original with AI adjustments]

This is the first time I’ve tried using this Chromebook as I would a regular computer and I’m not sure how long I can do this without throwing the damn thing across the room. There’s no precision in trying to scroll to a specific place on the page. Editing a picture with any precision? Forget it, that’s not happening. Trying to find an app that will do what you need done? Good luck! Half the apps in the Play Store don’t work on Chromebook at all despite being “mobile” apps. Apparently, all the OS people at Google think that everyone spends their time playing fucking idiotic pay-to-play games. Why the fuck would anyone do that in the first place? Somehow, I just hit something that opened the fucking debug window! Can this get any more stupid? [Don’t answer that, I don’t want to know.]

Trying to edit anything in Lightroom is a complete nightmare. It took four fucking attempts before this morning’s image would import. It can’t read TIFF files at all apparently, or at least, it won’t show me the thumbnail so I can see which image is which. Just finding the menu item so I can import an image is about the most non-intuitive thing I’ve ever seen in a piece of software. Exporting an image? That’s a whole other nightmare! YOU CAN’T CHOOSE WHERE THE IMAGE IS BEING SAVED! I don’t want to save images on this device. I want them back on the external drive from which they came! Why the fuck is that such a foreign concept to this piece of crap? And then, when I want to upload the said image to the server so that I can use it here, I have to go hunting. They’re buried under a cumbersome file tree that makes zero sense. Again, the absence of any kind of File Explorer in this stupid OS is absurd. I need Google and Adobe to fix this fucking mess.

One of the apps that doesn’t work on the Chromebook like it does on my phone? Kroger. Why is that important? Because I have to order groceries and Kroger is the only local store that carries the sugar-free bread that I need so I can make a fucking sandwich. What happens if I don’t use sugar-free bread? The same damn thing that happened last night when I ate more than one biscuit with dinner: my sugar jumps nearly 100 points. It would be really nice if I could create an order on the larger screen so that I can make sure I’m ordering the right size/flavor/quantity without having to squint. But no, after downloading the Kroger app, it sent me to the website, which then wouldn’t let me log in. Fuck that.

Not that anything matters. I was expecting my check to be deposited first thing this morning like it was last month. I even got a letter from the bank telling me that I was signed up for the advance deposit thing. So, I don’t think it’s unreasonable that my check would be deposited on the same day that it was last month. I have bills to pay and groceries to buy. But no, that didn’t happen. I don’t have any idea when/if it will happen. Funny how no one lets you know there’s a problem until after it’s messed up your life. The check normally, on its own, appears on the 10th. That may not seem like that big a deal, waiting four more days, but by waiting until the 10th, A) my phone bill is late and invokes a late fee as a result, and B) I can’t get groceries until the next day because I have a fucking doctor’s appointment on the 10th that could very well take all fucking day or longer if my pancreas decides to not cooperate.

I’m too old and too sick to be getting worked up like this. I don’t even want to take my blood pressure because I already know it’s too high. Want to know what’s lying at the root of this tirade? I can tell you. I’m pissed because I can’t fix it. I can’t fix the desktop. I don’t have that level of skill. I have to depend on someone else and in my mind that’s the same as saying I’m a failure. I’m supposed to be able to do it all, anything, on my own, but increasingly I’m finding too damn many things that I can’t do, and losing the desktop has sent me over the edge.

I’m banking hard on Brandon being able to bring the thing back to life without having to completely wipe the hard drive. I’m also hoping that it’s an easy fix that doesn’t take much of his time. Asking someone to do something time-consuming on the weekend that doesn’t directly benefit them is just rude.

And what happens if the computer can’t be brought back from the dead? First, I cry. Amazon has a Dell Optiplex 9020 Small Form Factor Desktop with Intel Core i7-4770 Upto 3.9GHz, HD Graphics 4600 4K Support, 32GB RAM, 1TB SSD, DisplayPort, HDMI, Wi-Fi, Bluetooth – Windows 10 Pro (Renewed) for only $214 that would probably meet my needs. I think the biggest concerns I would have are the number of USB ports it doesn’t have and that it’s a renewed Windows 10 OS, not Windows 11. Anything new from Dell starts at $700. HP has some for as little as $500 but they have so little RAM that I’m not sure Photoshop or After Effects would even boot up. If they did, it would take forever for anything to process. Let’s hope that Brandon can work some kind of miracle so that I don’t have to consider any of these options.

I have a copy of the late Maynard Ferguson’s 1976 album, Primal Scream. I put it on yesterday and let it play louder than normal; it could be heard outside my room. This is probably the best and safest way to express what I’m feeling. I’m not okay. I need my desktop. I need my check. I need some sense of at least moderate control over what’s happening in my life. If that can’t happen, just shoot me.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / Personal

Morning Update: 06/05/24

June 5, 2024

Fuck Everything

Today is getting off to just about the worst start possible. Never mind that we have storms coming in, my glucose isn’t cooperating, I slept like shit, or I have 53 cents in my account. None of that matters in light of the fact I woke up and my desktop computer, the one I use for everything, is dead. The hard drive won’t even start to spin up. My guess is, based on yesterday’s performance, that the drive is too full following an update to Photoshop. There’s no room left to write the .tmp files needed for startup. This would be because the drive was unevenly partitioned. There’s plenty of space on the D partition, but I never could convince Windows to use it.

So, I’m stuck using my Chromebook, a device I purchased two years ago for use when I would be at the hospital. Among the issues here:

It only has one USB drive so I can only connect one external drive at a time
I can’t use my wireless mouse and am stuck with this stupid touchpad
The biggest Adobe apps, the ones I use most often, won’t work on the Chromebook because the OS is the exact same one as is on your phone.
There’s no way to connect my large 42″ monitor to the Chromebook
I have to hunch over to use the damn thing
There’s no equivalent to File Explorer on this OS
I have to shut the Chromebook every time I get up to keep cats from walking across and messing everything up
I don’t even know what documents I’ve lost on the old drive
Not all saved passwords are carried over to the Chromebook
This is really trying my patience

Brandon has volunteered to take a look at the machine this weekend. This is the sort of thing he does for work and if there’s any recovering it I’m sure he’ll be able to do so. In the meantime, though, I’m extremely limited in what I can do, which has me on the verge of a complete breakdown. I don’t do well without my pictures and Photoshop. I don’t have a decent camera. I don’t have a darkroom or any place to create one. I don’t have a piano or composition paper. What the fuck am I supposed to do with my decaying self?

I’m sure I’ll sadly survive this lack of privilege. I asked Kat to shoot me, but once again she declined. I don’t know why she won’t go ahead and put me out of everyone’s misery.

So, there, that’s where we are this morning. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to see if there’s anything else I can salvage from this painfully uncreative circumstance. Otherwise, I’ll just go all-in on bitching about the incredible amount of nonsense coming from all the fucking idiotic politicians that someone elected in what has to be one of the most brain-dead moments the world has experienced.

Maybe SS will hit tomorrow so I can at least buy ground turkey for hamburgers.

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