This is not love. It is a crime, … You can’t look the other way just because you have not experienced domestic violence with your own flesh.
When Kat witnessed domestic violence taking place, she stepped in to stop it. Not every response was so helpful.
One thing I’ve learned having US Marines in my life is that they are not passive. When they see a situation that requires immediate attention, they act; it’s in their nature, a part of their training that never leaves.
That response kicked in yesterday while Kat was on her way home. Coming up to the intersection at 30th and Kessler, on the West side of Indianapolis, she found a small car sitting a couple of spaces back from the traffic light, not moving. As she watched, she saw the male passenger grab the female driver by the hair, pull her across to his side of the car, and bang her head against the window. That was all she needed to see.
Kat pulled around in front of the car so it could not easily leave and rescued the woman who was being beaten, removing her from the car to a position of safety outside. As they were calling 911 for help, the male passenger moved to the driver’s seat and stole the car, swerving around Kat and speeding away, leaving the woman stranded.
IMPD was there almost immediately, two female officers well equipped to handle the situation. They took statements from both Kat and the victim. As part of standard procedure, the officers warned Kat that what she did was dangerous, that she should have called 911 rather than stopping. We’ve both heard that line before. The risks are real, but the immediate risk to the woman’s life was greater.
But then …
As the officers were sending Kat on her way, one rather wryly made the statement, “Don’t worry, it’s just drugs and prostitution.”
Kat’s anger seethed. She knew better than to confront the officer right there and came on home. Nothing she could say at that particular moment would help the situation. She knew, though, that the woman wasn’t likely to get the help she needed.
Women across the country were outraged last week when a California judge let a former Stanford swimmer get off on a rape charge with only a six-month sentence, of which he’ll only likely serve three months. The story illustrates just how deeply ingrained the rape and abuse cultures have become in our society. Despite numerous ad campaigns attempting to draw attention to the issue, and even mandatory classes on many college campuses addressing date rape and matters of consent, the justice system itself, and even some in law enforcement still holds to the demeaning and outdated concept that someone’s actions, gender, style of dress, state of sobriety, or occupation naturally leaves them open to and even deserving of domestic violence, abuse, and even workplace violence.
Too often, and for too many years, our society has tolerated the lame excuse, “She was asking for it.” I cannot imagine the mind of any intelligent and critically reasoning person ever believing such a horrendous statement. Who asks to be abused? What person asks to have their hair pulled, their body dragged across a car and their head ferociously beaten against a window? In what insane universe could those actions of violence ever be justified?
Look at the numbers
Domestic violence is one of the most serious issues facing our country, but one which very few want to discuss, and even fewer of us are willing to get involved. Take a look at these statistics:
- Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten.
- Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
- Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually.
- Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a breakup.
- Every day in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.
- Ninety-two percent of women surveyed listed reducing domestic violence and sexual assault as their top concern.
- Domestic violence victims lose nearly 8 million days of paid work per year in the US alone—the equivalent of 32,000 full-time jobs.
- The costs of intimate partner violence in the US alone exceed $5.8 billion per year: $4.1 billion are for direct medical and health care services, while productivity losses account for nearly $1.8 billion.
- Men who as children witnessed their parents’ domestic violence were twice as likely to abuse their own wives than sons of nonviolent parents.
The rate of incidents is appalling and in a country that is serious about stopping the ever-increasing rate of crimes such as mass shootings we should be looking at those with a history of witnessing or being involved in domestic violence as the primary source. If we want a safer America, we first have to start with safer homes, safer relationships, and a justice system that punishes the perpetrator, not the victim.
A little respect, please
As disappointing as the officer’s statement was yesterday, such a lack of respect is not unusual. Kat listened in on the 911 conversation and found the operator dismissive and condescending, as though she didn’t feel the need to take the crime seriously. Others have reported similar 911 experiences where operators either delayed in sending help, or downplayed the severity of the situation.
Let’s get this straight right now: NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED! Prostitutes are not asking for it. Drug addicts are not asking for it. Drunks are not asking for it. Women who dress in short skirts, high heels, or low-cut dresses are not asking for it. Strippers are not asking for it. Female bartenders are not asking for it. Housewives who burn dinner are not asking for it. Children who are loud and noisy are not asking for it. Homeless people are not asking for it. Mentally or emotionally incapacitated people are not asking for it. Elderly people are not asking for it. Those who disagree with you are not asking for it. Those who challenge a presidential candidate are not asking for it.
NO ONE IS ASKING FOR IT!
The woman Kat helped yesterday was almost certainly involved with some form of controlled substance. That does not exclude her, however, from the protection and respect that every human being deserves! Even if the woman is a prostitute, she still does not deserve to be beaten. She deserves respect, she deserves the same help you would want for your own wife or daughter.
We must end this culture where we think that anyone deserves to be treated with violence of any kind. What people deserve is compassion, sympathy, and love.
One More Thing
Before I end, let me say that we know domestic violence takes many forms and that getting away from that violence is often not easy. If you live in Indiana and need help, there is someone you can call:
800.332.7385
The members of the Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence (icdavinc.org) will do their best to help you change your situation and find safety. As always, if you feel your life is in immediate danger, call 911.
What Kat did yesterday involves a high level of risk and is not the type of intervention I recommend for most people. Kat is a highly trained and experienced United States Marine. The action she took may have saved a life. We don’t question the quality of that life or judge the woman in any way. She deserves to live free of violence just as much as you or I. We hope she gets all the help she needs.
And thank you, Kat, for being brave enough to intervene. I love you.
The Protests Must Continue Until The Lessons Have Been Learned
Next Saturday, May 4, marks the 54th anniversary of the Kent State massacre, where National Guard troops were sent to break up a Vietnam War protest. Four innocent students died. Ten others were injured. Among the lessons we should have learned is that a) The military doesn’t belong on college campuses; b) college students have every right to protest; and c) Just because an idea isn’t popular doesn’t make it wrong. Obviously, we haven’t learned those lessons.
In its regular round-up of photos from the week, Reuters published a large number of photos from protests on university campuses. They included everything from violent encounters with police (the violence often started by the police making potentially illegal demands for ending the protests) to accounts of the Palestinian genocide such as this one:
And this one:
For those of us who were alive and paying attention to that fateful day in 1970, these images should bring back some frightening memories of an age some might have that was relegated to the past. The idea that students would be skipping class to protest war is one we want to put on the shelf with the history books of what we want to think of as a “more troubling” time. Was the Vietnam situation really any more troubling than what we’re facing today? I don’t think so. In fact, what we’re seeing today seems to be a clear indication that we’ve not grown, we’ve not become more intelligent, and we’re definitely not more humane than we were in 1970. We’ve not learned the lesson of that fateful day, which means the Kent State Four died in vain.
Perhaps we need a refresher course as to why these protests are necessary in the first place. The issue at the core of the protests is the longstanding and complex debate around a two-state solution. When the modern state of Israel was created in 1947, the United Nations put forward a plan to partition Palestine into separate Arab and Jewish states, with special international administration over Jerusalem. This plan was accepted by Jewish leaders, who were allocated about 56% of the land area, despite comprising only about one-third of the population and owning less than 7% of the land. On the other hand, the Arab League and Palestinian Arabs rejected the plan, leading to the Arab-Israeli War following the end of the British Mandate.
This initial division and the successive wars and conflicts have left deep scars and continued political and territorial disputes. Over the decades, the idea of a two-state solution has been supported by various international bodies as a potential way to resolve the conflict, ensuring a peaceful co-existence between an independent Palestinian state and Israel. However, numerous challenges and failures in negotiations, changes in leadership, and external influences have hampered consistent progress toward this solution. Understanding this historical context helps clarify why the issue remains so passionate and why many feel protests are a necessary form of expression and advocacy for their rights and visions for the future.
Partisan religiously-fueled politics have long been the bain of any lasting solution. Former President Jimmy Carter received the Nobel Peace Prize for seemingly brokering a solution between Yasar Arafat representing the Palestinian Liberation Organization (PLO) and the late Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin. Factions external to the two political organizations resorted to violence in their opposition. Hamas, who currently controls Palestine, overthrew the PLO. Rabin was assassinated in 1995 by an ultra-nationalist who allegedly had ties with current Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu. President Reagan tried solidifying relations with Israel, but that blew up in his face as it only made violent Palestinian factions more determined. Former President Bill Clinton tried his hand at a Camp David Peace Accord only to have that fail pretty much before either leader made it back home.
What’s the fuss all about? History. Both Palestinians and Israelis claim that they are the rightful owners of the land, going back thousands of years when both tribes were born through a wandering sheepherder named Abram. God, in one of those acts for which there were no third-party witnesses, told Abram that he and his family were chosen for all time and that the land was theirs.
Trouble started immediately. Abram didn’t have an heir. So, he fucked his side-girl, Rachel, and she had a son named Ishmael. Problem solved, right? Nope. Abram’s wife surprised everyone and even in her “old age” had her own son, Issac. Who would be the rightful heir? According to mythology, Abram told Ishmael to go in one direction and then took Issac in a different direction. Ishmael is seen as the founder of Islam, and Issac as the father of Israel and the two factions have been fighting over the same damn piece of land ever since. Both sides claim Abram gave the land to them. ALL of it.
Oh, but there’s more. Abram had more sons: Zimran, Ishbak, Jokshan, Midian, son of Abraham, Medan, son of Abraham. They each staked a claim to the land. THEN, Issac had twins, Jacob and Esau, and they weren’t able to get along and they each claimed the land. However, along came the Egyptians and everybody lost everything. They all went back to being nomadic tribes with no right to claim any piece of land as their home.
WHY THE FUCK CAN’T THEY JUST LET EACH OTHER LIVE IN PEACE? Because, quite honestly, the whole place is too factionalized. Even Netanyahu doesn’t have a majority of Israeli support within their own country! There’s no agreement anywhere and without any agreement there is never going to be a solution. Period.
What does exist are millions of innocent people who want nothing more than to live their lives, raise their children, sell their goods, and go home at the end of the day to a good meal and a nap. They want to play music, sing songs, play games, dance, and go to weddings without having to worry that some mother-fucking jackass with a theo-political agenda is going to detonate a bomb in the middle of everything.
Instead, one side bombs the other and the side bombs feel they have to retaliate. Who’s getting hurt when this happens? Innocent people. Always. Innocent people.
Innocent people are what fuels the protests. Specifically, the United States continues to fund the genocide of innocent people. Netanyahu likes saying that it’s just a price of war, that they can’t tell the difference between Hamas militants and a three-year-old child or a convoy delivering food aid. If they can’t tell who the fuck the enemy is then maybe they should put their fucking guns down and we (the US) should use our money on enemies we can define such as homelessness, hunger, and healthcare.
As with the Vietnam protests, what bothered college students was the number of innocent people in Vietnam and Cambodia who were being killed by US and UN Coalition troops. Remember this picture?
Those were our troops who burned their village, killed their parents, and sent them running from home, clothed or not. How could we not protest this type of action? How can we sit still in the face of such overwhelming inhumanity? The soldiers in this picture are guilty of genocide!
And here we are right back at it again, killing children, bombing hospitals, pretending that we can’t tell the difference between a Hamas militant and a starving child! We’re not really that stupid. We have facial recognition that can identify people in a crowd of thousands. WE KNOW DAMN WELL WHO THE BAD PEOPLE ARE, we just like killing in large numbers.
As reported on April 8, 2024, the conflict between Israel and Hamas has resulted in more than 34,000 fatalities. This figure includes 95 journalists and 224 humanitarian workers, with 179 of those being staff members of UNRWA. A substantial number of these deaths, totaling over 33,091, occurred in the Gaza Strip, where 70% of the deceased are women and children.
I was sitting on the bus yesterday morning, looking through the reams of nonsense, when I got a notification from the IMPD that said a protest had been broken up and 14 people were arrested for Obstructing Traffic. This is the image they shared:
IMPD made sure to mention that “not everyone that was arrested was from Indianapolis.” WTF? Four are from Fishers, which borders Indianapolis at 96th Street. Then one each from Lafayette, Columbus, and Union City. If that statement intended to make it sound as though the city were being invaded, then maybe IMPD needs to take a look at who the fuck is staying in our hotels this weekend. Not many of those folks are from Indy, either, and they live much further away than fucking Fishers.
Police/government attempts to stop the protests are their way of trying to control the narrative and keep everyone in line, something they’ve always been bad at doing because it’s not their fucking job. Protests both on college campuses and in the middle of the street are exercises of the freedom of expression as guaranteed by the First Amendment of the Constitution. And, as is the nature of protests, they’re not going to agree with those who are in power. If they agreed with what the administration is doing, then they wouldn’t need to protest, would they?
Sure, there are other means of communication, but which one is likely to actually get the immediate attention of those who are responsible for making a decision: a nicely worded email that Senator Young never sees, or the protest that blocks his way to the Capitol? Which is more effective? Which is more likely to result in something being done.
You don’t have to like what the protestors are saying, but if there’s one lesson that we should have learned from May 4, 1970, is that we probably need to start listening because history is almost certain to prove that they are right.
Politicians are stupid. Listen to the people who see the plight, the misery, and recognize the genocide their great-grandparents ignored. Until then, the protests will continue.
Share this:
Like this: