Morning Update: 05/12/24

Morning Update / Personal / Social Commentary

Morning Update: 05/12/24

May 12, 2024

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Mothers everywhere are being justly celebrated today as their children attempt to behave and not fuss and argue with each other for just one day, damnit. I understand people still get dressed up and go to church with Mom and then they all go out to lunch, which means someone’s kid and someone’s mom has to work because restaurants are in all-hands-on-deck mode for the day. The affected moms smile and say something like, “Oh, we’ll celebrate later.”

Somewhere along the line, someone will ask that we please be considerate of those who’ve lost children, or who were unable to have children. The day may be a test of resolve for those who have specifically chosen not to have children. No one wants to be left out of a party. Some will say they’re happy being dog moms or cat moms. I have a feeling some of those are lying.

We deliberately ignore those who are bad moms; the ones who are selfish, leave their kids to fend for themselves, don’t seem bothered by placing them in direct danger, the ones who leave drugs and paraphernalia lying around, whose babies desperately need diaper changes, and are living in squalor. We also ignore those kids and look down at them demeaningly as we declare that they’ll probably never be worth anything. We’re fine with letting child protective services step in, bounce children from foster home to foster home, and then wondering why the poor kids had trouble surviving as adults.

Neither do we seem to mind bombing moms and their children if they live somewhere we’ve never been and have a belief system we don’t understand. How ironic it is that we go to church with our moms while preventing others from doing the same with theirs. Apparently, we’re cool with letting some moms cry as their homes and villages are bombed out and their children lost in the carnage.

Americans, specifically, are also increasingly fine with their moms having to go back to work for peasant wages because we’ve built an economy where they can’t even pay rent with what they get from social security. We think it’s just fine that we can’t have lunch with Mom today because she’s having to work in the deli at the grocery store for minimum wage. She’s struggling, but we’re okay with that as long as the stock market is doing well. Never mind that 93% of our moms have no investment in the markets at all and that corporations’ continual drive for increased profit keeps them from being able to afford even a meager life.

We’re also far too accepting of the fact that our moms don’t come close to making as much as their male counterparts, especially if your mom is a person of color. There will be some who declare, “But look how much things have improved,” but they’ll also ignore how much distance remains to be covered. Too many still believe the nonsense that moms belong at home, taking care of the kids, keeping the house clean, and catering to daddy, who is off drinking with the boys and having an affair with a young waitress.

We also police what moms wear, denying them their personality and sexuality. We get so upset if they dress too much like their teenage daughters. We get upset if they dress too comfortably. We get upset if their dresses are too sheer. We get more upset if our 21-year-old sons find them attractive. We don’t know how to handle it if someone’s mom is out chasing the pleasures she missed when she was 20-something and home changing diapers.

We have these unreasonable expectations that Mom should be fine with “whatever.” We spend thousands of dollars to make sure that we see all the concerts, take all the trips, and indulge all our own fantasies. All Mom gets is a card and a candle. Never mind that she’s not left her home overnight in years, that none of her dreams have been fulfilled, that her shoes have holes in them, that she’s still wearing the same clothes as when you graduated from high school fifteen years ago. Mom doesn’t mind just getting by.

Some people have two moms and other people have an extra dad in place of a mom, but we’re not supposed to talk about either situation because our religious upbringing has decided that those situations are wrong.

Neither Mother’s Day nor Father’s Day is ever going to live up to the social expectation. The ideal only exists for something around 20% of the population. Parent/child relationships are fraught with difficulties and challenges because of mistakes made by both, mistakes that are sometimes deliberate. There are plenty of children who will tell their mom, “Happy Mother’s Day” only to be dismissed and ignored. There are plenty of moms who will hear nothing at all from the children they raised.

A lot of moms will shed tears today, but not all will be tears of joy. There are too many moms hurting, too many lonely moms, and too many moms who can’t bear to acknowledge the day. So if your mom is still alive, maybe you at least acknowledge that she brought you into the world, and you survived.

There’s enough hurt in the world. You have no business adding to it.

Morning Update / Personal

Morning Update: 04/01/24

April 1, 2024

I’m cured! I’m healthy! I’m rich!

April fool!

The weather threw us a curve last night, as well. All the fun stuff went right around us. There are still storms forecasted for later this morning, but it’s doubtful they’ll be too terribly strong. My biggest concern is the possibility of the kids getting wet when they get off the bus this afternoon. Other than that, the day should be reasonably quiet for the first of April.

As holidays go, yesterday had to be one of the most boring ever. The kids didn’t give a shit and stayed in their rooms most of the day either playing games or, in Tipper’s case, painting. While the afternoon cleared up and gave my aching bones a break, the only way I had to enjoy it was to join the dogs in lapping the house a few times. Am I really complaining? Not sincerely. As holidays go, Easter is toward the bottom of my list. I wouldn’t miss it if it went away. I would miss the chocolate bunnies, though.

What’s frustrating is that we needed milk by late yesterday afternoon and couldn’t get any. Almost all the major stores, including Target, were closed. The older I get, the more I resent this forced observation of a holiday that means nothing to me. I’ve been around long enough to know that no matter the holiday, including xmas, there are almost always enough people who would rather work than have to deal with family or religious nonsense. I can promise you that I was far from being the only person sitting around by themselves, and even among those who weren’t, many would just have soon been making money. Forcing people to observe a holiday that doesn’t affect them is wrong.

Consider that we’re smack in the middle of Ramadan. What if we were all forced to fast during the day? What if there were no restaurants open until after sundown? Worse yet, my dear heavily inked friends, what if there were pop-up shops outside your work so you could get those “sinful” tattoos removed from your body? That’s actually happening in India and other places around the world. If you wouldn’t want those celebrations forced on you, why the hell would you think it’s okay to force your celebrations on anyone else?

Now, if you want to celebrate, fine, go ahead! Businesses should allow you the space and means to do so without any penalty. I don’t have any objection to you celebrating anything you wish to celebrate. Some, such as dancing naked around a bonfire, I wish more people would celebrate. But there’s no reason I shouldn’t be able to get the milk and butter we need because the stores are closed for a holiday I don’t observe.

Not that it matters. I’m just an old man shaking his cane at the clouds as they pass. Pay no attention. I’ll get over myself as soon as I’ve had enough coffee.

Be glad I have coffee.

Art / Politics / studio nudes

Celebrating The Wrong Things

March 15, 2024

We survived the Ides of March without any Roman emperors being assassinated. To me, that sounds like a wasted opportunity. If we’re going to recognize the day, we should do so with parades and parties where the stabbing of politicians is the main event. This would take a lot of pressure off the electoral process and give those in elected office the incentive to behave in such a manner that they need not fear a group of people, particularly close friends, heading toward them with knives.

For the first time in several years, it looks as though we’re not having corned beef for St. Patrick’s Day. The meat has gotten too expensive for anyone who is not a politician to consume. Politicians and corned beef have a lot in common. Both contain a lot of fat, are greasy to the touch, and are best when a knife is stuck in them. I wonder how many people would attend a party where the corned beef was labeled as Roast Republican?

We will have potatoes in some form on St. Patrick’s Day. We won’t have dug them ourselves, though. We’ll have paid immigrants to do that. You know, like we did the Irish in the 1840s. During that decade, Irish people, both documented and undocumented, made up over half of all immigrants to the US. They were given only the toughest jobs to do and then told to go fight the Mexicans. Nothing’s changed.

Funny, I haven’t heard a thing about today’s St. Pat’s parade in downtown Indy. They moved it to today so that it wouldn’t interfere with the hangover mass on Sunday. This is a special mass because the incense smells like corned beef and cabbage. They do this so you can’t tell which priest was brawling at the bar all night.

Perhaps leprechauns were the original social services gatekeepers: they both sit on a pot of gold and don’t want to share with anyone.

As a person of indigenous heritage, I don’t necessarily hate immigrants of European heritage. I simply think they need to be reminded that they stole the land, the jobs, and the economy long before those coming over the Southern border did. Perhaps we should have electrified the Atlantic Ocean or something in the 16th century.

Art / Holidays / Photography / Portrait / studio nudes

Seasons Greetings Come And Go

December 24, 2021

A flurry of holiday cheer as we end our last year

Most years I’ve struggled to find anyone who wanted to shoot a holiday set, especially one that was even mildly erotic. The last holiday set we did was three years ago when I coerced family into pretending to be Santa and his elves. The sexiest holiday set, though, was shot ten years ago. That model has now moved West and recently gave birth to her second child. A lot has changed. Kids have grown. Lives move on and, hopefully, improve.

The gaps between those years, though, are telling. The greater majority of the time, I haven’t shot in December at all. People are too busy, concerned with whatever is going on in their own lives. It’s been a good time to update the website, do an annual review, and make plans for the next year. The absence of a holiday set is not something that has been egregiously noticeable. No one’s pounding on my door, anxious to get in some holiday portraits.

This year is different, though. A little over a week ago, I happened to find myself at FocusOn Studio at the same time as a group of friends and acquaintances who were all gung-ho about getting in some final shots before I put up the camera. They came with ideas in tow and we filled the evening casually moving between taking pictures and pleasant conversations. The sets weren’t excessively large, we processed five or six photos from each, just enough to capture an emotion or a brief storyline. They’re as fun and enjoyable as we all want our holidays to be.

So, here is my final holiday gift to you: five fun, erotic sets filled with holiday spirit. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. With all the sets, remember to click on a thumbnail to view the images fullscreen on your device.

The Santa Suspension

Those who’ve been paying attention for several years know that Shibari, the Japanese form of body rope art, is something I’ve enjoyed shooting. My first date with Kat involved shooting a rope suspension set. Some of my best pictures have been along this theme. Being invited to shoot this particular set was an unexpected honor. The person tying normally takes his own pictures and did on this instance as well. He requested that I shoot at the same time, however, because the nature of the suspension was such that he needed to be free to act quickly should anything go wrong. There’s always a risk level to these shoots and everyone I’ve worked with has always been diligent about safety. This was no exception. The set was fun to shoot and makes a beautiful end to that part of my career.

[tg_grid_gallery gallery_id=”18518″ layout=”contain” columns=”3″]

Endless Childhood

You should have seen the expression on her face when I showed her the rocking horse. That she’s well past the age when most people amuse themselves in such fashion was irrelevant. Her excitement was contagious and fueled this fun holiday set. Sure, the horse is only in one shot, but sometimes one little thing is all it takes to take a set from meh to marvelous. We can only hope everyone has this joyous a holiday.

[tg_grid_gallery gallery_id=”18520″ layout=”contain” columns=”3″]

Angel With A Dirty Mind

I’ve always been careful about shooting with the sets available at FocusOn because I know they appear in hundreds, perhaps thousands, of other pictures shot by other photographers and I’m reluctant to shoot something that might appear as though I’m copying someone else’s work. After we shot The Santa Suspension, though, I looked at this facade, noticed some nearby fabric, and had an idea. The concept is a bit involved, so bear with me.

In the now-classic Christmas movie Home Alone, Kevin watches and makes use of a faux movie called Angels With Filthy Souls. While the movie inside of a movie is fake, it’s based on a 1938 movie with James Cagney called Angels With Dirty Faces. Cagney plays a gangster (a frequent role for him) trying to corrupt a bunch of street kids, mostly teens and young adults.

The concept of playing off a religious theme in reference to something obviously not religious isn’t new, but as I pinned the fabric to the model’s hair, there was no denying the angelic overtones created. Perhaps, had we put her in a white or light blue gown, the images might have resembled religious iconography. We didn’t do that, though. She’s damn-near naked and the resulting juxtaposition is, in my opinion, nothing short of glorious.

[tg_grid_gallery gallery_id=”18522″ layout=”contain” columns=”3″]

Gifts For A Grinch

Almost from the moment it was published, How The Grinch Stole Christmas! became a holiday classic. We’ve read the book, watched the movies, and been constantly amused by the multiple iterations and representations of the green grouch who threatens to spoil the holidays for everyone in Whoville. Over the years, I’ve been amused at how seriously we take the story. Psychological analysis has been done not only on the Grinch, who some look upon with sympathy for having been bullied and outcast but also on the citizens of Whoville and their obsession with the holiday. Our attachment to the Grinch is personal.

The story in this set runs along the line of a voluptuous young woman offering our nearly-naked Grinch the simple gift of a ribbon and, by the end, maybe a little more. This is no children’s bedtime story. Think of it more as holiday cosplay with a happy ending.

[tg_grid_gallery gallery_id=”18524″ layout=”contain” columns=”3″]

Santa’s Admin On December 26

Everyone gets all hyped over the gift-giving holidays and the tales and legends of the jolly old gift-giver in the red suit. The emotion and energy employed getting us to December 25 outdo any effort on any project the rest of the year. Our entire focus is on that one day.

And what happens afterward? For many, it’s the busiest shopping day of the year and returns and exchanges are made while others try to take advantage of end-of-year inventory sales. The assumption is that Santa goes home and snuggles in bed, presumably with Mrs. Claus, and takes a long nap. But as he does, who’s minding the shop? Admittedly, there wouldn’t be a whole lot to do on the day after Christmas. A normally busy admin might tend to get a bit bored and with no one else at the North Pole working that day, she might just find creative ways to amuse herself. This is what happens when Santa forgets that very specific toy she wanted.

[tg_grid_gallery gallery_id=”18526″ layout=”contain” columns=”3″]

There you have them, five wonderfully erotic sets for the holidays. What a fun way to close out the year! Yes, I’ll post a year-end review on Sunday, but I wanted to offer this special entry that I hope you’ll remember for years to come.

Art / Holidays / Photography

Holiday Color: A Gallery

December 25, 2016

A reminder that color can exist in a black and white world

The joys of children at Christmas lasts, at the most, five minutes; just long enough for them to rip through the wrapping paper, tear open their presents, then start hitting each other with the boxes. After that, you want, nay, need a distraction. This is our gift to you.

As depressing as the world is, and as committed as we are to black-and-white imagery this next year, we felt it important on this holiday to remind our friends that color does still exists. There is still joy in the world, even though it most certainly has gone into hiding. Peace probably exists somewhere, though I’m beginning it learned the secret to interstellar travel before the rest of us. There are good things, here and there.

We chose pictures that had not been processed before. You’ve likely seen other images from these sets, but not these. We also looked for images with a different, perhaps silly expression; something one doesn’t normally see in our standard portraits. I dared to select some on white backgrounds, though I don’t really like white backgrounds for portraits because it does really strange things to the amber channel.

Holidays do strange things to our senses, as well. We lose many of them. We remember those two or three minutes of joy and then choose to completely forget the rest of the chaos so that we can tell everyone that we’ve had a good holiday. The truth is, for most of us, that holidays fall into one of three categories: a stress, a pain, or a bore. Distractions that can take one’s mind off the reality are welcome.

So, here’s your break. Our gift to you. You’re welcome.

[tg_masonry_gallery gallery_id=”8977″ layout=”contain” columns=”2″]

Art / Holidays / Photography

Ghosts Of Photos Past

December 24, 2016

Memories that won’t scare the Dickens out of you

It’s Christmas Eve. The kids and Kat are all in bed. Even the dogs have snuggled down for the night. Only one kitten, the calico, still roams around, chasing some piece of fluff that is invisible to the human eye. We’ve managed to play it as low-key as possible tonight. Grandpa Bob stopped by for a dinner of ham and dressing, gave the little ones their presents, and watched The Polar Express with them before leaving.

A glass of scotch and a fresh cigar await me. No milk and cookies, thank you. I fear the bump in blood pressure from the cookies more than I do getting cancer from the cigar. The holidays are exhausting and I’m not the one who has to make 28 stops-per-second in order to deliver toys to every child on the planet. The way I figure it, Santa is that alcoholic CEO who barks orders all year and then sobers up just in time to make an impressive showing at the annual stockholders meeting. The elves secretly hate him but he has a face that’s good for business.

Digging back through the archives, again, I came across a couple of photos I didn’t know I still had. They’ve not been seen in almost ten years. I found some others I’d intentionally been ignoring. Between batches of cookies and an absolutely dreadful last-minute dash to the grocery store, a trip that might have cost me my life were Kat not so incredibly calm in a crowd, I managed to edit the set, or re-edit in some cases. They’re not new photos by any means. They’re ghosts of photos past, reminding us of people who were once in our lives with great frequency. As Scrooge missed the merriment of his youth, so we miss the friendships represented in these photos.

Damn it, the little dog just barked at that fat Kringle fellow. I had to ask him (Kringle) to make another loop around the state while I put the fuzzy little beast back in bed. I hope the kids don’t stir. I don’t have the energy to hide the presents. One has to be careful about where they store coal.

[tg_masonry_gallery gallery_id=”8955″ layout=”contain” columns=”2″]

Holidays / PotD

A Walk Through Downtown

December 23, 2016

Seeing the different in the ordinary

Since yesterday was not so blistering cold as to threaten pneumonia simply setting foot outside, I asked Kat to drop me off downtown with the camera for a couple of hours. It has been a couple of years since I’ve gone wandering around down there on my own, so it was interesting to see just how much has changed, and what’s stayed the same.

There’s really no specific point to the photos we took. Part of the challenge of photographing a place with which one is familiar is finding the things that stand out within the things that are ordinary. So as you look at the photos below, see if you can find what’s different in each one. I promise, there’s something in each one. Some are very subtle, others not so much. Enjoy.

[tg_masonry_gallery gallery_id=”8926″ layout=”wide” columns=”2″]

Advertising / Current Issues / News & Comment / video

5 Things You Should Know: 12/22/2016

December 22, 2016

charles i. letbetter - 20% of activities will involve at least one of the seven digital giants. That list consists of Apple, Google, Facebook, Amazon, Baidu, Alibaba and Tencent.

04:58:13 12/22/2016

https://youtu.be/eJKvb6KDcp0

A brief moment of clarity between confusion and chaos

Hey there! Welcome to Thursday, the one day this week that doesn’t have some form of holiday attached to it. This is your last chance to catch your breath before all the candles and tinsel and eggnog take over and send the next four days into a complete tizzy. Don’t ask me what a tizzy is. My mother used that word often around the holidays, though, and it is a rather fun way to describe the chaos of the season.

We have seriously bad weather shaping up for this weekend. What it comes down to is if you’re not getting snow you’re probably getting thunderstorms with the possibility of tornadoes across the central states. At least you won’t have to share road space with driverless Uber cars as they’ve had their registration suspended, and the last remaining civilians are leaving Aleppo, Syria today. I look at the news feeds from Reuters and the Associated Press and see a lot of chaos. Let’s see if we can provide a bit of clarity.

North Carolina lawmakers are still jackasses

The whole purpose of the North Carolina state legislature meeting in special session yesterday was so they could repeal the controversial HB2 bill that prohibited transgender people from using the restroom with which they identify. That didn’t happen¹.

Please note that the city of Charlotte kept their end of the bargain. They met Wednesday morning and repealed the anti-discrimination bill that started this whole mess. Heaven forbid transgender people have any legal protections in the state of North Carolina. What was supposed to happen next was a complete repeal of HB2. However, Republican legislators added language to the repeal that would have called for a “cooling off” period of indeterminate length wherein no city or county could enact their own anti-discrimination law, effectively making the repeal moot. Obviously, that didn’t set well with state Democrats who backed off the bill. Meanwhile, hardline Republicans were upset that any repeal was considered at all.

I don’t know what they’re putting in the water in North Carolina but this is one of the most ridiculous displays of improper governance I’ve ever seen. The Charlotte city council has not yet said how they will respond to this breach of trust. It seems almost certain that this could lead to a new round of boycotts and job losses for the state on top of the millions already lost. I think Santa can just skip the entire state of North Carolina this year.

Security concerns across the US

After the attack in Berlin that left 12 dead, and especially given the fact that authorities across Europe are still looking for the Tunisian man accused of the attack, security is on high alert this holiday weekend anywhere large numbers of people are planned to gather². If you are traveling, expect to see more police and TSA officers roaming the concourse and one is likely to see especially high security with international travel to and from Europe.

Here in the US, heavily-armed counterterrorism officers are standing guard at places such as New York’s pop-up Christmas markets in Union Square, Bryant Park, and Columbus Circle. In Chicago, the police presence is especially high at Daley Plaza with police vehicles parked so as to prevent a truck or any other vehicle from getting through. In Los Angeles, where there are several large events planned for the weekend and preparations are under way for the Rose parade, police have placed large equipment at the entrance to large events to prevent an attack such as what happened in Berlin.

While police presence in the largest cities are the most visible, smaller cities across the country have taken their share of precautions as well. Truck rental companies everywhere have been asked to contact local police should they encounter someone renting a truck who cannot give an adequate answer to what their plans for the vehicle might be. Police assigned to large events such as holiday football games and parades are more heavily armed and making good use of canine patrols. If ever there were a time for the phrase, “if you see something, say something,” this would be it.

Telephone patent wars

While many companies are winding down operations for the year and trying to end on a nice, tidy note, Nokia decided this would be a good time to file suit against Apple for patent infringement³. Nokia filed the suits in both Germany and the US, claiming that patents for displays, user interfaces, software, antennas, chipsets and video coding were being used by Apple outside their 2011 licensing agreement.

However, Apple says that Nokia is asking too much for the license to the disputed technologies. To that end, Apple has filed suit against Acacia Research Corp (ACTG.O) and Conversant Intellectual Property Management Inc [GEGGIM.UL], accusing them of colluding with Nokia to extract and extort exorbitant prices for the technology. Where this really gets confusing is when you realize that the Apple suit was filed just one day after Conversant named a former Apple executive as its new CEO.

What this ultimately means for consumers is that new editions of the famous Apple iPhone could be delayed and already high prices could go even higher. While Nokia phones hold an insignificant share of the market, the patents they hold are licensed by a number of phone makers around the world making this an issue that could affect almost everyone’s pocket book over the next couple of years.

The high cost of advertising

Yet another price fixing scandal is in the news this week and this time it involves the four largest holding companies in the advertising industry. Omnicom, Publicis, WPP, and IPG have all confirmed that they have received subpoenas from the U.S. Department of Justice Antitrust Division⁴. The subpoenas are part of an ongoing investigation into allegations of bid fixing for video and post-production services within the industry.

Without talking too much shop, what the Justice Department is claiming is that subsidiaries of the holding group, with the knowledge and implied consent of the partners in each group, are colluding with video and post-production companies to rig bids on large projects in exchange for promising the production companies additional business down the road. Those within the ad industry know this is not an uncommon practice in an effort to win a large, competitive account. Officially, however, the agencies all state that such practices are forbidden.

Where this all shakes out is that the smaller sub-contracted production companies often end up taking a loss while the big holding groups reap the profits. Small companies are hesitant to turn down the request, especially if it means getting to work on a high-profile account such as Ford or Coca-Cola. The downside is that even if the Justice Department is able to prove the big four are guilty of bid rigging, there is not a lot of teeth to their bite. Fines are the only punishment likely to be imposed and the companies would simply compensate by raising prices for their services.

And finally …

We had to do some digging to find much in the way of good news this morning, but we found it out in Arizona where a Virginia couple announced yesterday they had given birth to a set of quintuplets earlier this month⁵. Margaret and Michael Baudinet are the proud parents of four girls and a boy after a very careful and quiet pregnancy. The family temporarily moved to Phoenix moved to be closer to Dr. John Elliott, a specialist in multiple-birth pregnancies.

Anyone who has experienced multiple births knows how fraught with anxiety they can be. Even having twins presents a series of complications not seen in a single childbirth. However, doctors at the Arizona hospital say the delivery of the quints went extremely well. The babies all weighed a little more than three pounds at birth and were delivered within 17 minutes of each other thanks to a team of 24 medical professionals.

While the babies are still in neonatal ICU, they are all breathing on their own and are being bottle fed. The Baudinets plan to return to Virginia with their new family sometime next month.

That’s all we’re telling on this Thursday. Please do be careful as you are out and about with all those last-minute activities. We really do hope you’ll do us the favor of subscribing. That’s all we want for Christmas. Stay warm and we will see you again tomorrow.

Holidays / Photography

Making Your Photographer’s Holiday Happy

December 17, 2016

charles i. letbetter - giving your photographer a happy holiday

Because you love us all so much

The holidays are the happiest time of year, are they not? And I just know you can’t wait to share all your happiness and generosity with your favorite photographer. After all, if you had pictures taken any time this year and paid less than $3,000 for the set, then you owe him/her. I mean, my father paid $300 for a single black/white head shot in 1968. What we’ve done for you is probably a bit more complicated. Not that we really care about that sort of thing. We’re only in the business for the art of it all. Eating is totally optional.

Now, I know you must think that we’d all like a new camera, but we don’t necessarily look for you to go with the big bucks. After all, your families should come first. Although, if you think of us like family then, by all means, feel free to respond accordingly. Still, there are plenty of things you could get or do for your photographer that would make them very happy this holiday season. We’ll break them down into three easy-to-remember categories and then you can do what you find appropriate from there.

Big Ticket Items

Okay, so no self-respecting photographer is going to ask you to buy them a new camera for the holidays. Still, some of you have taken advantage of a generous soul and gotten pictures for free. Some of you have been doing this for years and yet, when the holidays roll around, what have you done for your photographer? So, here are some big ticket things you can get that will make them happy.

New Glass. Now, be careful. Not all lenses are created equal and chances are your photographer is pretty picky about the kind they use. Also, not every lens fits every camera. In fact, lenses have to specifically match the brand and type camera your photographer is using. Still, if you have an extra $1,500 or so you’re not using, I’m sure there’s something they wouldn’t mind adding to their collection. Don’t be afraid to ask.

Pack Gear. Carting expensive gear all over the place can be scary. I wince every time I see a camera sitting in the seat of someone’s car with no protection. If you’ve observed your photographer handling their camera in this manner, then getting them some kind of pack or case is something they would almost certainly appreciate. There are several different kinds. My preference for every-day use is an over-the-shoulder bag that allows me to pull my camera out quickly and start shooting. Others prefer backpack styles and hard cases are a must for the photographer who has to fly frequently. This doesn’t have to be a high-dollar buy, but the more padding and flexibility a pack has the better and, sadly, more expensive.

Light Modifiers. Please don’t consider this option unless you know your photographer fairly well and can get the make and model of his lighting gear without being obvious. Many photographers, especially those with smaller operations, are limited in the number of modifiers they can afford. The more modifiers they have, though, the more creative they can be with your photographs. Prices range from a couple hundred dollars to a couple thousand. Budget accordingly and, by all means, be careful.

Small Ticket Items

Okay, so you don’t have a couple of thousand dollars to dump on your favorite photographer. That’s okay, we still love you and promise you’re our favorite clients ever. You don’t have to spend all that much to make us happy-er. There are a number of things that would make almost any photographer happy to see under their make-shift tree that sits forlornly in the corner of their tiny little apartment.

Camera straps. Think the broad kind. If your photographer is still using that crappy little strap that came with the camera, they need help. Those little straps are practically worthless in a pinch. I’ve been using the same strap for the past 25 years and even though it’s extremely tattered at this point, I know it could still hold my weight if I need it. Embossed leather is a nice touch, or artisanally woven is colorful if your photographer is vegan. Even the best straps are under $200 this time of year, so you should be able to find something that would fit your budget.

Lens Wraps. As simple as these cloths are, they can really do a let to protect lenses, especially if you happen to live in a climate particularly prone to dust and/or sand. They also come in handy if your photographer travels a great deal. Lenses often get jostled around quite a bit during transport and even if the photographer has a good case having a lens wrapped is great protection. This is a perfect gift for the cash-strapped person as most start around $20.

Tripods. Even if your photographer already has a tripod or two, they can never have too many. There are a variety of sizes and kinds appropriate for different shooting situations. Best yet, some table-top varieties cost as little as $20, so it won’t break your budget. Consider what your photographer already has and help them complete their collection.

Won’t Cost You A Dime

Okay, I get it, money’s tight this year for a lot of people. That’s why you asked if we could discount our already-discounted prices. That doesn’t mean we don’t still love you, though, and anything, absolutely anything you want to do for us is still very much appreciated. You don’t have to spend any money to help us out with some of these gifts.

Referrals. I don’t know of any photographer who couldn’t use some extra business this next year. Even if we looked busy this past year, that doesn’t mean we don’t have openings going into 2017. Of course, we’ll be much more appreciative if they’re referrals that pay full price, but we’re honestly thankful for all the business we get. Thank you in advance.

Credit us when you post photos. Chances are we mentioned this when we first took your pictures but we know how easy it is to forget when you’re in the heat of a picture-posting frenzy. We’re not as likely to be upset if the pictures are over two years old and you’re just posting them for memories’ sake, but the new stuff? Yes, please, by all means. We will be most appreciative.

Food & drink. How well do you know your photographer? Almost all of us have a sweet tooth and more than a few of us enjoy an alcoholic beverage here and there. Okay, so this might cost you a little bit. Still, I know very little makes me happier than a tin of homemade fudge or sugar cookies. Granted, they won’t last very long, but for those few moments, we’ll be thinking nice thoughts of you.

By the way, please be considerate when giving a gift to your photographer to make sure you are sufficiently respecting their religious beliefs. Fortunately, both the first day of Hanukkah and Christmas are on the same day this year. If your photographer is Muslim, however, you don’t have as much time as the prophet’s birthday is this Monday, the 19th. Of course, several of us celebrate Festivus and the Solstice and Kwanzaa as well. It’s not going to hurt you to ask which holidays we celebrate, though, because some come with limits on what is acceptable. Me, personally, I’m good with anything at any time. Especially if you’re bringing alcohol. Scotch, please.

Look around. There are a lot of people in your life who provide services for you at or below costs. You know who they are. Show them all some appreciation, even if it’s only a handful of cookies. Your gestures of kindness really are appreciated.

Holidays / PotD

Snarking Up The Holidays

December 16, 2016

Because holidays aren’t fun if you play them straight

There is so much going on in the world today that makes it almost seem wrong to feel happy or even smile. There’s the election results, the possibility of a Russian intrusion into our system, the upside down, nonsensical manner in which cabinet members are being selected, the whining and the crying over Facebook’s take on fake news, and just an incredible amount of stupidity on the part of far too many people.

This has been a rough year, no doubt about it. As a result, I think there’s plenty of room to be a bit snarky about the holidays. If one has any Grinch tendencies, now’s the time to let them all out, get them aired and out of the way and then everyone can go on with their lives. Maybe if we let the snark out a bit, we might actually feel a little better because one of the less joyous emotions about this time of year is everyone is so freakin’ busy with their shopping and gift wrapping that they don’t actually listen to why you’re saying unless you stomp your feet and shout a little bit.

So, we’re going to go full snark for a little bit and just air some of our grievances about the whole holiday season. I’m putting on my green Grinch suit and hooking the little lost dog up to a sled with the demand he pulls me to the nearest Chinese buffet. It’s time we cleared the air about a few things.

What’s the deal?

Why the fuck is everyone taking a full two-week vacation this year? Late night talk show hosts are wishing everyone a Merry Christmas tonight and won’t be back until January 2 or 3. Most network series have already gone on hiatus for the month unless their ratings need the boost from being the only fresh thing still on television. Companies were all having their holiday parties this week so that no one would be left out. There are even some smaller shops in the local area who posted notices they’ll be closed starting the 19th. What the fuck? Since when did everyone get a two-week break?

Of course, this goes along with the typically inconvenient break kids get from school. Back when I was a kid and we walked across mountains that no longer exist, we didn’t get out for winter break until the 22nd or 23rd of December, depending on what day of the week Christmas actually hit. We were still back on January 2, too. School didn’t let out for just any willy-nilly reason because our parents worked, dammit. They didn’t have time to stay home and take care of our rambunctious asses. That’s probably a good thing, too, because I’m pretty sure that if they had we’d have gone back to school missing a few classmates. Our parents took capital punishment seriously.

The last two weeks of the year are always lousy if you want to actually get anything done at work, too. I remember when I was still considered a rookie and was too poor to take any time off work. Trying to get anything done was impossible. Half the people necessary to sign off on anything were gone until the first of the year. We’d have our weekly department meeting and only three out of 27 of us would be there. And good luck trying to find a model this time of year. The agencies would just laugh when we called. I don’t see how companies don’t go bankrupt with no one getting any actual work done.

None of this makes any sense

I would still like to know who the fuck thought it would be a good idea to put the biggest holiday of the year right smack in the middle of the most inhospitable and contrary weather we have. My guess is it was someone down under where they’re having a nice, cozy summer right about now because a holiday in December makes absolutely no freakin’ sense in the Northern hemisphere. I mean, have you looked outside recently? If you live in the Northern United States, all you see is white and cold. Folks in the state of Maine are looking at temperatures this weekend that could reach -40°! No one wants to get out and go shopping in that kind of weather, and I don’t care how much they’re getting paid, the guys at UPS don’t want to be out there delivering your online orders, either. Having a major holiday that involves traveling and being outside for any reason in the middle of winter is just fucking stupid.

Besides, everyone knows Jesus wasn’t born on December 25. Let’s just stop perpetuating that stupid little myth.

Which brings us to another major annoyance I happen to have. People get all upset about the “war on Christmas” when Christmas is actually a war on Solstice celebrations. Facts are facts, folks, and there are more than enough documents to support me in this. Early Christians flat out stole the Christmas tree, putting candles or lights on said tree, the concept of gift giving, wrapping paper, and even that whole story about some fat guy in a red suit. Every last one of those ideas was stolen from pagans. There’s absolutely nothing genuinely Christian about Christmas, so stop getting so fucking upset if someone says “Happy Holidays” or if the decorations on your coffee cup aren’t too your liking. There is no fucking war on Christmas. The war is in Syria and they don’t have time for Christmas because all the children are dead now, thank you.

Don’t think you’re any better with Islamic or Jewish traditions either. Our Jewish friends are all about celebrating Hanukkah for eight days. They’ve made a party around some slow-burning oil in the middle of a relatively minor skirmish in the middle of a war they actually lost. Yeah, that really sounds like something to celebrate. Meanwhile, Muslims celebrate the birthday of their prophet on Monday, the 19th, assuming they’re paying attention. You see, they use some strange system where the prophet’s birthday never falls on the same day each year. Last year, it was back in the middle of summer, which makes a helluva lot more sense anyway. And they can’t say his name nor depict his likeness without getting into trouble, which makes greeting cards and singing Happy Birthday a little more than awkward.

Have I insulted enough people yet? No? Okay, I’ll continue.

‘Tis The Season To Be Greedy

I’m not so sure but maybe it’s time to revise the whole Santa Claus story. After all, for far too many people in America, the very concept of a fat white guy entering their house in the middle of the night is not a good omen. Shit’s going to go down and it’s not going to be pretty, elves or not. Maybe if Santa took the form of your kind but lonely uncle who never married and spends most of the holidays quietly drinking eggnog in the corner. I mean, we want him to be a kind and familiar figure, but we don’t want to really get all that close to him.

And what the fuck is up with setting children on his lap? Are we trying to encourage pedophilia or what? Stick with the letter writing. More kids need to learn to write letters, anyway. In today’s digital world, there are far too many kids who have absolutely no freakin’ clue what a stamp and envelope even is. Hell, they see a mail carrier and think they’re just a Fed Ex person who lost their truck. Now that I think about it, why don’t we make Santa Claus more like mail carriers: a nice, friendly, gender-neutral person who delivers packages and maces your dog. That sounds entirely workable to me. The damn dog needs to learn to stop charging the fence.

We need to stop encouraging kids to be so damn greedy, too. Why? Because look what they grow into: people like you and me. People who think the world owes them something just for being nice. You know damn good and well that’s a pile of bullshit. The world doesn’t owe anyone anything, and you’re certainly not going to get presents from someone who doesn’t know you.

Besides, the kids aren’t that good anyway. Have you seen kids today? They talk back to their parents as though they had some right to open their damn little mouths. Kids start bullying each other and calling each other names all the way down in preschool. Why are we rewarding that kind of behavior? Maybe if we actually gave more kids lumps of coal and then made them burn it to keep warm they might appreciate just how nice they have it, living in a structure with a solid roof and someone putting clean clothes on their little bodies every morning.

One last thing: Why is no one capable of writing a decent holiday song anymore? I keep hearing these new Christmas songs and every one of them is a complete piece of crap that no one wants to remember two minutes after it’s over. All the good holiday songs are older than I am: White Christmas, Chestnuts roasting o’er an open fire (The Christmas song), Rudolph, Winter Wonderland, Sleigh Ride, and even the ultra-creep Baby, It’s Cold Outside. All of those songs are at least half a century old and we’re getting rather tired of hearing them. Yet, no one seems to be capable of writing a decent holiday song. Grammy awards be damned, if no one remembers your song 12 months later, it was a piece of shit.

Let’s get real: our parents coddled us too much and we grew up into a big bunch of selfish, greedy bastards who deny science and think that electing an utter moron as president is a good idea. That’s right, Trump became president all because our parents were too soft on us during the holidays. This whole freakin’ year is your fault and no one deserves to get a damn thing in their stockings except holes.

There, I think that’s everything. Well, the big things, at least. I’m done snarking up the holidays. Feel free to let me know if I missed anything, though. We still have a couple of days before the first holiday hits. I’d hate to think I missed insulting someone. Everyone benefits from a snowball upside the head occasionally.

Happy fucking holidays.

Advertising / pop culture / video

Trying To Send The Right Message

November 28, 2016

“Buy my stuff” are words advertisers can’t use this time of year. They have to go for a broader message.

I have to be very careful in telling this story because it involves people we really do care about, we just happen to think they are very wrong about some things. Please forgive me if I fudge on some of the details.

About a month ago, I bought Kat a very large and colorful scarf. The scarf was to offset the solid gray suit that she needed to wear for a special occasion. At first, I wasn’t sure how much Kat actually liked the scarf. It was one of those times when, after staring at a wall of scarves, she turned to me and said, “You’re the fashion person here. You choose.” I never know quite what to do with statements like that.

Nonetheless, as it’s gotten colder Kat has taken to wearing the scarf in place of a hat. The scarf is large enough that she can drape it over her head then wrap it around to keep as much of her face and neck warm as she needs. As an added bonus, it doesn’t smash her hair down as a hat would.

This past weekend, she wore the scarf to an event we were attending. As we were preparing to leave that evening, Kat started to put on her scarf and was wrapping it around her neck when someone for whom we care very much said, “You look like you’re about to set off a bomb in that thing.”

We were stunned and left without saying anything further. We know this person to be kind, caring, and very giving. For such an incredibly racist statement to come from her mouth was not only surprising, it hurt.

People all over the country have been saying a lot of hurtful and insensitive things the past few weeks. We’re heading into that time of year when we’re supposed to be unified and joyous. Yet, it seems like every day there’s a new video of someone berating another because of their presumed religion, or race, or ancestry, or gender.

Advertisers have picked up on the tenuous emotion of this particular holiday season and many have backed off the aggressiveness of trying to sell their product. Instead, they’ve opted to attempt to send a message that perhaps gets us a little closer to the actual holiday spirit. Sure, they still want you to buy their stuff, but they don’t want you to yell at a cashier because she’s Hindu or screaming at a woman in the aisle just because she’s wearing a hijab.

Below are three ads that have very important messages going beyond purchasing their product. If you get the message, that’s wonderful. May you have a joyous holiday season. If you don’t, you might need to back up and rethink why you’re bothering to celebrate any holiday at all.

Come Together

https://youtu.be/VDinoNRC49c

Good Times

Open Your Heart To Everyone

https://youtu.be/aFPcsYGriEs

PotD / Social Commentary

Fa La La La Humbug

November 28, 2016

With Thanksgiving past, Advent and the holiday season begins. I’m not feeling it.

With Thanksgiving over, it seems that most people just couldn’t wait to throw themselves head-first into the winter holiday season. All day yesterday, my Facebook feed was full of photos of people putting up multiple trees, videos for making holiday goodies, and references to buying and wrapping presents. Whee! Joy! Festivities! Oh, and did I mention that the largest holiday light display in Indianapolis is right next door to us, literally, at Indianapolis Motor Speedway? Yeah, it’s a bit bright over there.

In case you’ve not been keeping track of just how many holidays there are this month, let me give you the rundown:

Advent started yesterday and goes through December 24.
St. Nicholas day is December 6.
Feast of the Immaculate Conception is December 8.
Muslims celebrate the Prophet’s Birthday on December 12 this year.
Winter Solstice occurs on December 21
This year, both Christmas and the first day of Hanukkah are on December 25.
Kwanzaa begins December 26 and goes through January 1.

Depending on where you live and your religious preferences, one might toss Boxing Day, Second Christmas, and Festivus in there as well. This, dear children, is why it is more polite to greet someone with “Happy Holidays” rather than “Merry Christmas.” There is no war on the Christian holiday. Rather, people who mind their manners and are respectful of their fellow human beings know better than to assume the religious preferences of one they don’t personally know.

Of course, there is always Krampus as an alternative, but Americans have been slow to get behind the Austrian tradition. If you ask me, this would seem to be the year to do so. Here’s what Herrenbrun, Austria looked like this weekend:

What It Takes To Be Festive

One does not just exit the Thanksgiving holiday and automatically fall into all the warm and mushy feelings that are supposed to come with holiday festivities. Such emotions have to be cultivated. Expectations have to be met. One has to have a spirit of hopefulness, an optimism for good things to come. I’m not there. I’m not sure I’m going to get there.

I know more than a few people who are just natural optimists. I love them, but at this time of year, they rather drive me mad. They’ve already pulled out their holiday sweaters. They’ve decorated multiple trees. They have lights hanging everywhere and from everything, including the pets. They have hot cocoa at the ready and if they’re really in touch with the holiday, a bottle of scotch for chasing the chocolate. These are wonderful, beautiful, loving people. Yet, seeing all their festiveness and overflowing happiness does not cause any of that emotion to rub off onto me. Instead, it awakens the cynic in me, making me want to do nothing more than grab the scotch and a handful of cookies and run.

Being festive requires that either one has a sense that all is right with the world, or at least set aside its horrors and worries for the better part of a month. I’m not able to do that, especially this year. Between now and the end of December, we will have to deal in some fashion with the Dakota Access Pipe Line (DAPL). Normally, we’d all but ignore the Electoral College meetings on December 19, but this year there’s even drama around that typically boring event. And people will die. I don’t know who or how or why, but they will die and we will be sad and reminded of our mortality. I find it hard to be festive in the midst of all that.

The Cloud Of Reality

Perhaps I am the only one feeling this way, but I seem to be tethered to this cloud of reality that denies me of any chance to be hopeful or encouraged about the future. Sure, I’d love to be so thrilled with life that I felt compelled to bake a different cookie every day. There have been years where I’ve done that. I know the feeling. This year, however, to think of baking sweets reminds me that Americans, and especially Hoosiers, and even more especially I myself, are all overweight. Diabetes is a real threat. After Thanksgiving, I’m seriously watching my blood sugar level. Reality prevents me from baking cookies.

Other years I’ve been pumped to give people gifts. I’m old enough to remember when online shopping first became a thing. I loved it! There was one year I’m pretty sure at least half our gift-giving budget was spent online. Giving other people gifts, being generous and sharing from our abundance, is a fantastic feeling. Reality, however, puts a lock and chain on my wallet. Our belts are tight. We’ve already taken care of things for the kids and I’ll have small things for Kat and my boys, but there’s no extravagance. If we had a tree, it would look bare. We can’t afford a tree and even if we could, we don’t have enough space and we have four very rambunctious cats. We don’t even have ornaments.

This cloud of reality is more like a thunderstorm. Revenue was down again this year. I’ve not shot anything fun in months. The number of colleagues and friends who are considering getting out of the photography business is so large that I question whether I’m foolish to keep trying. I’ve hit a creative desert where none of my ideas or concepts are able to grab any traction. Towels are just waiting to be thrown.

The Tea Kettle Sings

My tea kettle just whistled at me, letting me know the water is ready for yet another round of coffee in the french press. I’ve been up since 1:30 this morning; it wasn’t voluntary. I’ll need all the coffee I can consume just to get me through the first part of the day. There have been too many days this year where coffee has been all that has kept me going. The sound of the tea kettle singing brings a small but critical amount of joy.

All is not lost. I may yet gain the holiday spirits, or at least consume enough holiday spirits to fake it. Kat finishes school this month. I have my youngest son with me. The dog has calmed down enough he can sleep on our bed at least a portion of the time. Kittens hilariously trip over my shoes as they chase each other across the floor. Life is not wholly void of hope.

Today, however, I’m not there. I probably won’t be there next week, either. The festive spirit takes time to cultivate and I’m stubborn ground for trying to grow anything. Maybe after the full moon on the 17th and the passing of the Winter Solstice I’ll feel more like celebrating something. Anything.

Until then, it’s Fa La La La Humbug all up under this cloud of reality. Deal with it.

Art / Photography

Strip Down And Unwind

November 26, 2016

Holidays are stressful. Now it’s time to take a break, strip down, and unwind.

Sure, we say the holidays are supposed to be fun and joyful, but are they, really? By the time we are done with all the food and all the cleaning and all the family and all the football and all the shopping we’re pretty much exhausted. We’re not interested in politics or who died or what any particular celebrity did that was amusing or annoying. We don’t care. We’re tired, damnit.

That’s why this entry is short on words and heavy on pictures. Our purpose is to plant an idea in your head. We want you to relax, find pleasure, and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Monday will be here all too soon and it just doesn’t make sense that you would go back to work feeling worse than when you left last week,. You need some time for you. You need to attend to your needs for a change.

So, fuck the politics and having to watch what you say around certain company. Fuck caring about Starbucks cups or who spent the weekend with someone else. Strip down. Unwind. Relax. The world can just wait until Monday.

Fashion / Original Style / pop culture

Avoid Holiday Disaster: Don’t Color Your Own Hair

November 19, 2016

charles i. letbetter - don't use box color

Want to do something to your hair for the holidays? Put down that box color! Don’t be a DIY disaster.

Erg. The holidays are here and your hair is just an absolute mess. You want to do something with it, but you let the season sneak up on you. If you didn’t schedule an appointment with your stylist at least a month ago, you’re screwed on trying to get in to any reputable salon. So, for a lot of women, there’s this incredible temptation to just do something yourself. After all, you can get boxed hair color cheaply enough at your local store. Sounds like a reasonable work-around, doesn’t it?

I get it. When I first met Kat, one of the things I liked was that she was very adventurous with her hair color. The problem was that in doing her hair herself she was routinely frying her hair, having to chop it all off and then growing it out again. That routine, along with a few other details, is what encouraged her to go to beauty school. Want to guess what she learned there? You shouldn’t be using box color on your hair! Mind you, she’s still every bit as adventurous with her hair color, but she’s learned her lesson and no longer has to cut off all her hair every few months.

Still, there are sources out there who are trying to sell product and go to some lengths to do so. Clairol paid for an article on Popsugar touting the ease of using their box color to liven up one’s hair. They did their best to make it look like something objective, though the editors at Popsugar were very clear in making sure readers understood it was a sponsored article. What they apparently weren’t expecting was the fact that a number of actual licensed, professional stylists would not only read the article, but share the article as an example of what not to do. Kat showed me some of the comments. They’re rather brutal and for good reason:

NEVER USE BOX COLOR ON YOUR HAIR!

A Thousand Different Shades Of Wrong

Part of the appeal for using box color is that it is, allegedly, easy to find a color that you’ll like, maybe even one that matches your natural color. If only that were true. While boxed products do offer a wide variety of colors that look on the outside of the box as though they might be what you want, the reality is much, much different. First of all, there’s no such thing as one-size-fits-all hair color, and that’s exactly what boxed color is trying to pull off. Trying a hair color isn’t like trying on a rain poncho. Hair color has to be individually formulated to your hair for it to work correctly. Boxed color can’t do that.

Do you have any idea everything your colorist considers before putting something on your hair? You know they ask a lot of questions and they keep meticulous records of what they’ve done previously for good reason. Anything that touches your hair has the potential to change the way it takes color. Your colorist considers things such as your hair’s porosity, your skin tone, the natural level of pigment, previous chemicals used on your hair, the kind of shampoo you use, and whether you have any grey. Even then, colorists know that the ash blonde that looks wonderful on one person is likely to look like a fruit basket gone wrong on someone else.

Boxed colors also use a 12% or higher developer, significantly higher than what your colorist is likely to use. The reason boxes use such a high level is to make sure that the product does something to your hair. Unfortunately, that something is more likely to be in the neighborhood of frying it rather than helping to any degree. There’s just no way that a boxed hair color product can give you the same level of individualized attention that your hair needs.

Not as affordable as you think

Another reason many women choose boxed color is because it appears to be more affordable. $8 for a boxed color versus $60 or more for just a single color at a salon? Sure, sounds like a wonderful bargain—until it all goes wrong. Anyone who has used box color likely knows the pain of looking in the mirror and seeing something they did not expect. What do you do? Try another color? Attempt to wash it out as quickly as possible? Put another color over the top of it? All of those options are horrible for your hair and end up leaving it looking worse than when you started.

One of the things we need to understand when talking about box color and that their formulas change all the time and companies are under no obligation to tell the consumer what changes were made and how they might potentially affect your hair. So even if you managed to find a boxed product that wasn’t too horrible one time, chances are extremely high that when you go back six months later and try the same color again it doesn’t work because the formula changed! Oh, and if you tried doing highlights with one of those silly cap things you almost certainly know what it’s like to have polka-dot hair. They don’t work.

There’s no substitute for a professional application and customized color. So, when you do it yourself and it fails, horribly, you end up having to go to the salon to get it fixed. At the very least, you’re now going to pay over $100 for a colorist to repair your self-induced disaster. If you have managed to fry your hair in the process then you’re going to get an unwanted hair cut removing the damage. One can easily come out of the salon a couple hundred dollars poorer and looking like a Marine Corp recruit who just entered basic training. Repairing the damage one inevitably does to their hair with a box color always costs several times more than what the salon color would have been. Doesn’t it just make more sense to have it done right in the first place?

Your options are limited

Let’s get real here: if you don’t already have an appointment with your stylist by now, your options are tremendously limited. You do not want to attempt a home box color. Neither do you want to risk a bad home perm job for many of the same reasons. While the number of options at this juncture are limited, there are a couple of things we can safely recommend.

First, consider having your hair done at a beauty school. The students need the practice and are supervised by instructors who are there to help prevent a disaster like the one you would get at home. Understand, this time of year even they may not have time to give you a complicated color process. Anything that takes multiple hours of work is probably best saved for after the holidays. However, they can do haircuts and color re-touches with little problem. Of course, we strongly recommend using an Aveda school salon if you have one in your area. Yes, we are more than a little biased. In addition to getting a great cut and style, you also get their wonderful massage service and it’s still only $17 for a haircut. Color services start somewhere around $30.

Second, if you’re really desperate and have some sense of what you’re doing, a wash and set can be done at home without necessarily ending in disaster. Understand, though, this takes some knowledge of what you want, what size curler to use, and the dexterity to actually fasten the curlers in the back of your head. Doing anything to your hair on your own is challenging, but at least if you botch this one you just wash it out and try again. I remember my mother frequently doing her own hair on a Saturday night so that it would look good for church the next day. Of course, my mother went to beauty school, too. She had an advantage. Still, if your back’s against a wall, this might be worth a shot.

I know everyone wants to look good for the holidays and with busy schedules it’s easy to forget to set appointments with your hair stylists. Still, there is no good reason for jumping off the deep end and trying to color your hair yourself with some box you picked up at CVS. Wash your hair, use a good conditioner, and chances are no one will give you any grief. After all, everyone’s more interested in the food. You’ll be fine.

Enjoy the holidays!

Just For Fun / pop culture / PotD

Hosting Thanksgiving Without Hosting Politics

November 19, 2016

Thanksgiving with family is great until someone starts talking politics. Let’s avoid that, shall we?

Here we are, less than a week before Thanksgiving, and this year everyone’s coming to your house. Sounds fun, doesn’t it, doing all that cooking, seeing the nieces and nephews, listening to Uncle Bud talk about SEC football while Grandma Marian goes on about her hip replacement surgery? I bet you can hardly wait for everyone to get there. This is when families are at their most fun. Cousins who haven’t seen each other in a year playing in the yard, brothers and sisters reminiscing about when they were kids, and more food than anyone ever needs to eat. I remember those Thanksgivings nostalgically, though we’ve not actually had one in several years.

The problem with Thanksgiving, or any family get-together, comes when someone says something, perhaps innocently, that reveals a political rift within the family. Almost every family has someone who doesn’t agree with the majority opinion. If they decide that someone’s statement is offensive to them, then the arguments begin and it doesn’t matter how good the turkey was, all anyone remembers is the year Uncle Bud bashed Aunt Noreen in the head with that lamp. I’m the liberal in a family of conservatives so I just avoid family Thanksgiving down in Wichita. I’m sure we’re all happier that way.

Not everyone shows such discretion, however, and if your family is one of those whose Thanksgivings turn into an annual knock-down, drag-out, pay-per-view event live streamed by the teenaged cousins, we’re here to help. Never mind that the first Thanksgiving almost certainly wasn’t a religious event and was probably more of a harvest festival. Ignore the fact that the alleged friendliness of the Pilgrims was little more than a prelude to murder. Let those discussions happen elsewhere. What matters is that you and your house survive Thanksgiving intact.

Preparing Your Home

Distraction is the name of the game in a politics-free Thanksgiving. What is important is that you remove as many possible reminders of the presidential election as possible. Tempers are still short. Feelings are still hurt. Forks are a weapon. So, start wth the simple things such as removing any political signs from your yard, especially if your side won. No one likes it when the other side gloats. They’ll be in a bad mood before they get out of the car if they see a Trump or Clinton sign in your yard. Instead, just don’t rake the leaves. The kids will enjoy playing in them and the adults will either reminisce about how they used to do the same, or gripe about how you’re a bad neighbor for not taking care of your lawn. Either way, it’s not politics. You’re winning so far.

Next, hide anything of value and do NOT light candles for any reason whatsoever. What you want to avoid is giving anyone an easy weapon. Rather than using the fine china handed down from your great-great-grandmother, use paper plates. By all means, use plastic utensils rather than the silverware that’s been in the family for generations. You certainly don’t want to risk Aunt Josephine’s hair getting too close to an open flame, either. The woman uses a full can of Aqua-Net on that beehive of judgment. One little spark and she’s the flambé. This, of course, will get your relatives talking about the fact you wouldn’t let them use the family relics and that your house smells like dog poop. Again, better than politics.

Worst-case-scenario, should you get wind that Uncle Bud just can’t wait to light into his Hillary-supporting sister-in-law, you can take preventative measures by connecting a small electrical charge to the doorknob on the front door. The relatives you like can be told to use the backdoor. Everyone else gets a shocking greeting. Don’t make the shock too hard, mind you. You don’t want to spend the day at the hospital after Grandma’s pacemaker gives her an unexpected jolt. Just make it enough to hurt like fucking hell and send a clear message that their hate is not wanted in your house. They’ll be talking about you for years.

Prepare Yourself

I’ve always been an advocate of attending family events naked. This is especially true if you’re male because, no matter how good you look, no one in your family wants to see that. Open the door in your birthday suit and watch how quickly everyone suddenly remembers that they promised to spend this Thanksgiving with the other side of the family. The only problem with this approach is that Thanksgiving day often turns out to be on the chilly side. While one can turn up the heat to a comfortable temperature inside, the frequent blasts of cold air that come with greeting your guests is going to make matters all the more uncomfortable for everyone.

An alternative to being naked would be to dress otherwise inappropriately. Pajamas come to mind, especially the kind with feet in them. Dress your entire immediate family that way so that when extended family arrives they think they missed an email or something, which is probably cousin Jennifer’s fault because she always was a stuck-up sort of brat who never let anyone play with her dolls. No pajamas? Go with something sheer or low-cut, something that shows some side boob. Again, this is much more effective if one is male. If you’re female it just makes cousin Horace’s drooling problem that much worse.

Hair and makeup also come into play here. Specifically, if you’re female don’t wear any and, by all means, don’t bother brushing your hair. You want everyone to know how hard you’ve been slaving over this dinner, staying up late to bake pies every night this week, and wrestling with those homemade rolls. Just make sure you’ve hidden all the boxes from the store before you do so. If you’re male, though, you need to go the opposite direction. Open the door with a full face of makeup AND a full beard and everyone immediately forgets that there even was an election this year. Arguably, one has to have a rather thick skin to actually use any of these tactics. Family is going to be telling stories about you for generations. It’s worth it, though, to avoid the uncivil political discussions that tear a family apart.

Prepare Your Food

Everyone shows up for Thanksgiving expecting the regular menu, which Uncle Bob is sure was ordained by God and handed down from the Pilgrims themselves. There has to be roast turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, homemade rolls, cranberry sauce, and enough green bean casserole to last until Christmas. This is what they’re expecting when they come to your house. This, however, is not what you’re going to give them. Trust me, altering the menu is the quickest and easiest way to direct the conversation away from politics and toward the food.

What’s critical here, though, is that the food has to actually be good. If you’re going to go altering the same Thanksgiving menu the family has had since great-grandma crossed the plains in her bare feet, you have to get it right. Consider trying a Moroccan-Spiced Turkey with Aromatic Orange Pan Jus instead of the traditional shove-it-in-the-oven-and-pray turkey. This blend of spices is going to catch everyone by surprise and leaves a pleasant yet lively taste in your mouth. Then, to really throw everyone off, replace the green bean casserole of death with something like Quinoa Salad with Pistachios and Currants or maybe even Whole Roasted Carrots with Black Lentils and Green Harissa. In place of all those starchy potatoes that no one really needs, try Honey-Roasted Butternut Squash or Acorn Squash with Pomegranate and Kale Tabbouleh. Top all that with something along the lines of Grapefruit Granita with Pear-and-Pom Relish and Cherry-Port Cranberry Sauce and tongues should be wagging when their mouths aren’t full.

Disclaimer: I haven’t actually tried any of those recipes. There will only be five of us at our Thanksgiving dinner and two of those are well-indoctrinated children. I did look over all the recipes, though, and don’t find anything that seems horribly unrealistic, depending upon one’s personal tastes. I may try something along the lines of the Moroccan-spaced turkey and honey-roasted butternut squash just sounds amazing. No one here is going to be upset about messing with any tradition, though.

I also heartily recommend spiking everything possible. The punch. The tea. The coffee. The cranberry sauce. Getting everyone a little bit tipsy without getting them quite drunk puts everyone more at ease, especially if your family doesn’t normally drink. Then, in states where it is legal, adding a fair amount of a certain green herb to your dishes is not a bad idea, either. No one is going to argue if they’re all passed out on the couch. Mind you, we’re not advocating anyone break any laws (much), but if you live in Colorado, Washington, Oregon, California, or some other weed-friendly locale, you can find some herb-based recipes here.

We all know the holidays are stressful and arguments about politics just make everything that much worse. When you’re the one hosting, it’s not like you can gather up the kids and just leave when matters get heated. So, take my advice and prepare for a holiday where there is so many other things to talk about that no one gives a second thought to politics.

You’re welcome.

Art / Current Issues / Photography

Let’s All Get Upset About Coffee Cups

November 4, 2016

charles i. letbetter - wrap your coffee in this

Once again, the moronic among us are upset about Starbuck’s new coffee cups.

So, we created some sleeves of our own to put over our paper cups this holiday season.

Seriously, aren’t there some really important things to worry about? Read about the controversy here.

holidays

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

A flurry of holiday cheer as we end our last year

The Santa Suspension

Endless Childhood

Angel With A Dirty Mind

Gifts For A Grinch

Santa’s Admin On December 26

Share this:

Like this:

A reminder that color can exist in a black and white world

Share this:

Like this:

Memories that won’t scare the Dickens out of you

Share this:

Like this:

Seeing the different in the ordinary

Share this:

Like this:

A brief moment of clarity between confusion and chaos

North Carolina lawmakers are still jackasses

Security concerns across the US

Telephone patent wars

The high cost of advertising

And finally …

Share this:

Like this:

Because you love us all so much

Big Ticket Items

Small Ticket Items

Won’t Cost You A Dime

Share this:

Like this:

Because holidays aren’t fun if you play them straight

What’s the deal?

None of this makes any sense

‘Tis The Season To Be Greedy

Share this:

Like this:

“Buy my stuff” are words advertisers can’t use this time of year. They have to go for a broader message.

Come Together

Good Times

Open Your Heart To Everyone

Share this:

Like this:

With Thanksgiving past, Advent and the holiday season begins. I’m not feeling it.

What It Takes To Be Festive

The Cloud Of Reality

The Tea Kettle Sings

Share this:

Like this:

Holidays are stressful. Now it’s time to take a break, strip down, and unwind.

Share this:

Like this:

Want to do something to your hair for the holidays? Put down that box color! Don’t be a DIY disaster.

A Thousand Different Shades Of Wrong

Not as affordable as you think

Your options are limited

Share this:

Like this:

Thanksgiving with family is great until someone starts talking politics. Let’s avoid that, shall we?

Preparing Your Home

Prepare Yourself

Prepare Your Food

Share this:

Like this:

Once again, the moronic among us are upset about Starbuck’s new coffee cups.

So, we created some sleeves of our own to put over our paper cups this holiday season.

Share this:

Like this:

Login

Follow Us