Think of this as the anti-list
There are plenty of things we could make lists about, and probably will over the next couple of weeks. One of the big ones, though, is the list of things we really don’t want to see in the next year. With everything we’ve been through this year, there’s not much we really want to carry over. In fact, we’re rather selective about anything new that might be coming along. We’re concerned about what might happen over the next 12 months.
The thing about the future, of course, is that it is what we make of it. No one has a lock on what might or might not happen. We can make the next year better if we put forth the effort.
Of course, I’m not sure I have any faith in people putting forth the effort. We don’t exactly have the best track record given the way we’ve behaved over the past 12 months. So, here’s our list of things that absolutely, positively, unquestionably, should not happen in 2017. And if any of them do happen, we’re going to publicly shame whoever is responsible.
The Bottom Five
10. Awkwardly flavored soda. Actually, we don’t need any new soda at all, but I’m sure someone at Coca-Cola or Pepsi will convince executives that they have a can’t miss proposition that scored really well with a test group that has never actually had soda before. The problem with new sodas now is that, having already explored most of the flavors that occur naturally, all that’s left are the mashups one gets by standing at the soda fountain mixing different flavors together in uncertain quantities. While popular among 14-year-old males, these strange mixes are really just bad ideas with mediocre marketing. No more.
9. Cookie mashups. What are we, two-year-olds trapped in a high chair? I swear, half the new snacks we’ve seen this year have to be the products of parents who were trapped at home with their toddler on a rainy Saturday. Oreos with Doritos? No thank you. Honey-dipped cheese sauce? Please, there’s a reason the kid didn’t actually eat that combination. What’s worse is that these new snack combinations are doomed to some of the worst marketing ideas we’ve ever seen. Honestly, Hershey’s, the Snack Patrol? Someone’s been watching too many late-night reruns. Try keeping things simple this next year.
8. Book sequels not written by the original author. I don’t envy book editors whose job it is to publish material that is going to be profitable before it is actually released. The number of great authors is limited and, for better or worse, a number of those who might have penned blockbuster novels are choosing to self-publish instead. There are a number of classic novels that, at least on some level, seem to demand a sequel that the original author never wrote. Once a writer is deceased, however, there are fewer ethical problems with hiring someone else to write the sequel for them. There’s just one problem with that: the sequels stink. In fact, quite often they stink when written by original authors. Let’s just limit the sequels not part of the original literary plan, okay?
7. New social media sites. Nope, don’t need ’em. I don’t care how wonderful the idea seems. Social media has picked its dominant tools. Only Twitter has any chance of being replaced by a newcomer, and that’s only if it captures the fancy of the Great Orange President. New social media applications are dangerous. We sign up for them, find them to be the most boring things ever, and then promptly forget that we signed up for them, leaving the information in our half-finished profiles open to hackers. Making a bad situation worse is the fact that the hacks are so insignificant that they never get reported. As a result, we don’t know that our information has been hacked. So, let’s try going 12 months without signing up for anything new, okay? Give it a try.
6. New photography/art sites. Photographers and artists are so desperate to sell anything to anyone that they’ll jump on every new site that comes along without bothering to think whether there’s really any chance of one site working any better than another. There’s not. People don’t buy art online in significant enough volume for any site to actually boast any success. Of course, part of that could be due to the fact that the creative work being put on these sites isn’t commercially viable in the first place. Still, we really don’t need any more creative sites that do nothing more than waste our time with empty promises.
The Top Five
5. New terrorist organizations. Sorry, we have too many terrorist groups to keep track of already. I don’t give a fuck how niche your religious beliefs might be or how passionate one might be in their zealotry. Just stay home, keep your fucking opinions to yourself, and put up that bomb-making kit before someone gets hurt. Terrorists need to learn that we’re not going to give in because of violence and they’re not going to win any favor by trying to kill everyone on the planet who doesn’t agree with them. We’re tired of this shit. If you’re thinking of starting a new terrorist organization, just go fuck yourself and call it a day.
4. Attacks on civil rights. One of the most disgusting aspects of 2016 has been the severity with which civil rights have been attacked. This nonsense needs to stop right now and shouldn’t be carried over into the next year. If you’re a member of the KKK or any other white supremacy group then feel free to kill yourself. We promise to not mourn your passing. Hate is a blight on this world and you’re doing nothing but making the planet a less tolerable place to live. And don’t give me that shit about those who dislike hate groups being intolerable. Hate is a choice we can no longer accept. If you choose to hate, you need to not be present in the next year.
3. New reality programming. Reality TV has been nothing but disastrous, culminating this year in the election of a reality personality as president. Given that each new reality program inherently tries to do something more absurd than the shows before it, we simply cannot risk anything new over the next year. We aren’t likely to survive anything more ridiculous and dangerous than the Trump administration. This has to stop here. Please. For the sake of all humanity.
2. Celebrating people who have done nothing of value. This goes hand-in-hand with the reality programming, and for the same reason. Our national obsession with making celebrities of people simply because they’re rich has to stop. We don’t need any more Hadids or Jenners or Trumps. This stupid and nonsensical obsession damn-near destroyed democracy this past year and has placed us on the brink of complete destruction. It is time we started celebrating people who actually help society, people who know what it means to actually work rather than just bossing people around and firing them for stupid reasons. Leave this bad habit right here. No more.
1. Ignorance. Come on, we’re entering 2017. We have access to every bit of wisdom ever recorded and we can get that information at any time on our phones. So, why are we, collectively, so fucking stupid? We need to leave the stupidity behind and make a concerted effort to become a more intelligent and better-informed society over the next year. By doing so, we will inherently eliminate many of the problems that have cause 2016 to be such an incredibly horrible and distasteful year. We also would be taking a giant step toward ensuring that our species won’t be exterminated in the next hundred years or so. If we are going to survive, we have to put ignorance and all the problems it creates right here in 2016. There is no place for it in the future.
5 Things You Should Know: 12/21/2016
8:11:14 AM 12/21/2016
https://youtu.be/w1R_6E5YXRE
And A Happy Solstice To All
Hey there! Happy Winter Solstice! It’s the shortest day of the year, among other things, which means that from here on out the days start getting longer. That’s a good thing, isn’t it? We certainly hope it is. And we’re still looking at warming temperatures as we head toward the Christmas/Hanukkah weekend so hopefully travel problems will be few.
As we look at the news this morning, there is still a lot of clean up from Monday’s events. Police in Germany released the person they initially thought was the driver of the truck that slammed into a holiday market in Berlin and a manhunt is underway. Russia has doubled down on its relationship with Turkey. And officials in Geneva said that the person who shot up a mosque there was not a Muslim extremist. Those situations are likely to be ongoing for a while. So, our five things you should know this morning takes us in a slightly different direction.
And then things went boom
By now, if you’ve been on social media much at all, you’ve likely seen the video a passerby took yesterday as the San Pablito fireworks market in Mexico exploded yesterday1. While the site was a spectacular event to watch, the death toll in that chain reaction explosion now stands at 29, with 72 still being treated for injuries. Some of those injured have burns over 90 percent of their body.
There is no word yet as to who or what might have caused the explosion. Inventory at the market was higher than usual because of the upcoming holidays. The fireworks market is an integral part of the local economy and something that is carefully guarded. However, this is not the first time that the San Pablito market has gone up in flames. A similar incident in May of 2005 did a similar amount of damage, though fewer lives were lost in that explosion.
Amidst the chaos of the explosions and huge plumes of smoke, survivors ran for the nearest exit, many becoming separated from their families and leaving behind personal items such as cell phones. Relatives are still scrambling to find those who are missing. Sadly, explosions like this are all-too-common an occurrence in Mexico, especially around holidays and religious festivals. Yesterday’s explosion, however, was the worst the country has seen in several years.
Someone has to take responsibility
With tragedy inevitably come lawsuits as victims’ families look to hold someone, somewhere, responsible for the event that took the life of a loved one. Such is the case in Orlando as the families of three men killed in the Pulse nightclub shooting filed papers in Detroit federal court on Monday naming major social media companies Facebook, Twitter, and Google saying that the companies “provided the terrorist group ISIS with accounts they use to spread extremist propaganda, raise funds and attract new recruits.”2
While the grief of the families involved is understandable, one has to wonder if this is not yet again a case of an over-zealous attorney either trying to make a name for themselves or bilking the grieving families out of thousands of dollars in attorneys fees. The families would have to prove intentional and deliberate collusion on the part of the social media giants to win their case, something that is not likely to happen. Pile First Amendment arguments on top of that and the lawsuit is practically dead in the water before it ever starts.
While only Facebook responded to the lawsuit yesterday, the issue of shutting down the accounts of known terrorist cells has been a primary project for every social media outlet over the past couple of years. Twitter was very public back in August when it announced that it had deleted 360,000 accounts since mid-2015 for violating policies related to promotion of terrorism. All three companies, along with Microsoft, are part of a joint effort to prevent known terrorist accounts from proliferating online. Section 230 of the federal Communications Decency Act protects software companies from speech users post on their sites, making the lawsuit against them even more improbable.
Our sympathies are with the families of the victims, but this lawsuit is nothing but desperate foolishness.
American Apparel is dying
Anyone who once shopped the big malls across the country knows the name American Apparel. They’ve been a mainstay of malls everywhere for over 30 years. However, the retail market has not been nice toward mall-based chains and American Apparel has spent the past several months in the middle of bankruptcy proceedings trying desperately to keep the brand alive. Yesterday, however, a judge agreed to allow the store to close nine locations and approved a liquidation plan should a buyer not be found within a reasonable timeframe.3
The nine stores, which are among some of the brand’s highest profile locations in Atlanta and Dallas, may just be the tip of the iceberg. The entire chain goes up for auction next month, and Gildan Activewear has already set a starting bid of $106 million. However, Gildan is not required to follow through on that bid and analyst are pessimistic about any other buyers attempting to save all 107 locations.
What this means for shoppers is multiple rounds of clearance sales as the company begins divesting itself of as much inventory as possible. However, it is also a warning sign as other mall retailers are beginning to hire bankruptcy attorneys. Fast fashion retailers such as H&M and Zara have taken much of the fire out of mall stores and that entire sector of the industry has been in steep decline for five years now. Expect more fashion-oriented stores to fall over the next two years.
Bobbie Brown exits stage left
The beauty world was caught off guard yesterday as Bobbie Brown, founder of the incredibly popular Bobbie Brown cosmetics line, announced she is stepping away from the brand at the end of the year4. Ms. Brown did not say exactly what she was going to do next. She told WWD that the celebration of brand’s 25th anniversary was a milestone “that made me realize it was time to start a new chapter and move on to new ventures.”
The 59-year-old makeup artist certainly has plenty of options available to her as she has dabbled in a variety of closely-related ventures over the years. The brand itself is owned by Estee Lauder and will continue operating under Peter Lichtenthal, global brand president. Ms. Brown is known for being energetic and creative so it will be interesting to see just where she might apply her incredible talent next.
And Finally …
President Obama may have found something that the incoming administration can’t undo upon its arrival next month. Yesterday, the president banned new oil and gas drilling in federal waters in the Atlantic and Arctic Oceans, a move that, understandably makes environmentalists extremely happy5. The move protects nearly 120 million acres of coastal waters controlled jointly by both the United States and Canada.
Normally, we might throw some shade at the move on the expectation that the next president would simply revoke the ruling using the same Presidential power with which it was made. However, this is one instance where the ruling is almost permanent. The president utilized the little-known Outer Continental Shelf Act that allows presidents to limit areas from mineral leasing and drilling. If Mr. Trump attempts to reverse President Obama’s move, he could only do so through a series of lawsuits that would likely take longer to get through the courts than his administration would be in place.
At the same time, it’s not like anyone has been chomping at the bit to drill in the Arctic waters. Shell Oil was the last company to give it a try and they abandoned those efforts after a tanker lost several thousand gallons of crude thanks to a giant gash in its side caused by ice flows in the area. Drilling there is extremely expensive compared to land-based operations. Still, the American Petroleum Institute criticized the move. The president-elect’s transition team has not yet responded.
We’re running incredibly late this morning, so we’ll have to end the conversation there for now. As always, we hope you’ll stay warm and safe. Don’t forget to subscribe, and we’ll be back with more tomorrow.
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