Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep. —Fran Drescher
Having oral sex with your coffee might sound wonderful at first, but there could be some serious problems
This was one of those rare mornings where I couldn’t really find a topic that inspired me in any way. Yes, there is plenty of important news, but it was either on topics of which I have little knowledge or wholly political which I’m just not in the mood to engage. Then, I came across a snippet that led me to an article in Maxim, which led me to an article in Playboy, which led me to a news story in The Mirror. They’re all talking about a coffee shop in Geneva, Switzerland that hasn’t even opened yet. The coffee shop is called Facegirl and if you want to go there, expect long lines (at least at first) and high prices.
A cup of coffee at Facegirl will set you back about $55.55 (based on this morning’s exchange rate). I know, that seems rather high. However, the reason for that high price is not because of the coffee but because of the “extra” service that comes with it: oral sex. At first glance, the sex addicted and adventurous among us might think that this is a great idea. I can imagine some are already checking the price of airline tickets to Geneva. If there are two things people love it is oral sex and coffee. Bringing the two together sounds like the ultimate experience.
Well, maybe. By the time I finished all the associated articles, I was beginning to have some questions. Big ones.
Contents May Be Hot
From the very outset, spillage has to be a significant concern and I see no mention in any of the articles how this danger might be offset. No one likes lukewarm coffee, so that’s not really an option. At the same time, we’ve seen numerous lawsuits against places whose hot coffee spilled on a customer. Serving coffee at just the right temperature is a delicate thing. One has to be careful in the consumption of hot beverages.
Now, mix that hot beverage with a sexual activity whose sole purpose is to create pleasure. One does not sit daintily in a chair while being brought to the point of orgasm. If such activity does not cause one to roll their eyes back and lose control of some faculties, someone’s not doing a good job. The potential for danger here is considerable. One might dump hot coffee in their own lap. Ouch. One might spill coffee on their temporary partner. Still not good. With the potential for scalding so extreme, lawsuits alone might close the cafe within weeks of its opening.
I suppose there might be some solutions here. Lids on the cups are a must. Secure cup holders are probably a good idea, too. No one wants to risk bumping a table and sending a cup of hot liquid tumbling the wrong direction. Plenty of space between seats is necessary to prevent one from accidently causing harm to a neighboring customer as well. Even with all those precautions, though, the danger for serious burns still exists. I don’t see any way to totally guard against spilling.
Just A Bit Sexist
While the term “oral sex” is preferred, other descriptions of the services offered at Facegirl make it rather clear that men are the target audience. Granted, there’s nothing saying that women can’t get the same oral service. However, all the service providers, at least those mentioned in the articles, are women. If one is lesbian or bisexual then there’s not as much of a problem. Straight women, unfortunately, seem to be out of luck.
Granted, male service providers might yet be added. The opening date for Facegirl has been kept as to a nebulous “end of the year” timeframe. That gives Facegirl’s owners (which are all male) time to consider how best to service a female clientele that might actually become a dominant part of their business. Women are certainly more unsatisfied by the lack of oral attention provided by their male partners. Â Women also, generally, Â are able to enjoy oral sex much more than men. Give them a place that provides quality service with a quality cappuccino and they won’t think twice about dropping $55.
A Little Privacy, Please
Interior design is a big deal in coffee shops. The wrong design can keep customers hanging out and re-ordering drinks, or can send them hurrying out the door. Companies such as Starbucks and Caribou Coffee have spent millions of dollars studying and refining their interior design. I’ve looked over all the articles and find no mention of just how Facegirl is going to approach that issue, and yes, it really does matter.
Coffee shops are generally open spaces. A sense of community is critical to building a strong customer base. Yet, not too many of us are exhibitionists. Walking into a coffee shop to the sight of half-dozen overweight old men getting blowjobs is probably not welcoming to a large number of people. Something tells me an  open floor plan isn’t going to work well.
Privacy might be the make-or-break point here. Being able to serve a high volume of people is going to be critical to profitability. How does one maximize the space while still affording the guests both comfort and privacy? Setting people in dark booths with sticky floors is less than appealing. If the setting isn’t pleasing and maintenance of the facility top-notch, this could quickly dissolve into a seedy dive that no one wants to visit.
My, What An Interesting Growth You Have There
Three words: sexually transmitted diseases. Prostitution is legal in Switzerland. Service providers have to be registered and part of that oversight involves regular testing. The likelihood of transferring a disease from provider to guest is relatively small. However, I can’t imagine that Facegirl is going to test its guests. I suppose they could do a quick pinprick that would check for the most common diseases. But any serious testing would take hours.
The disease factor is the one issue that the coffee shop is going to find the most difficult to control. In addition to STDs, other communicable diseases are likely to be easily transferred  in such an environment. Think Ebola. Facegirl is going to draw a lot of international tourists and with international tourism, no matter what the business, comes the risk of spreading communicable disease. This is how plagues get started. The service being provided, no matter how careful they are, still involves bodily fluids. Bodily fluids are one of the primary ways in which communicable diseases spread.
Walk in for a cup of coffee and walk out with a smile that might kill you.
Sharing Isn’t Always Caring
We’re all for sexual openness, having multiple partners, group sex, and all the fun that goes along with varied sexual activities. We’re also in favor of sharing coffee with intimate friends. We don’t really go for a lot of restrictions around here. However, we are very careful in vetting with whom we choose to play.
The more I think about it, an open coffee shop, where one cannot control the clientele, seems like a very dangerous place to set up any manner of sexual activity. The risks and dangers are high compared to the few minutes of pleasure one might receive. There are a lot of questions for which I’m not finding answers.
I still like the basic premise, though. Maybe we’ll give the whole coffee and blowjob thing a try … if we can keep the cats and the kids from interfering. Yeah, it’s not likely to happen.
5 Things You Should Know: 12/20/2016
12/20/2016 05:26:21
https://youtu.be/sYns1yuT2TU
It Was A Really Bad Monday
Whew! You made it! You’re one of the lucky ones. Temperatures are even warming up a bit today. We have a balmy 14 degrees here in Indianapolis and the forecast calls for continued warming through the weekend. This is not going to be a white Christmas or Hanukkah for most of the Midwest. Wet, perhaps, but no new snow covering the ground.
I wish I knew where to even begin this morning. Yes, the Electoral College did the deed and elected Donald Trump as the 45th president of the United States. China gave the US Navy its drone ship back, and stocks are looking a bit nervous this morning. Yesterday will be remembered, though, as a day of incredible violence, none of which was justified in any way. Of the five things you should know for today, the first three should never have happened.
Death Toll At 12 in Berlin
Berlin, Germany really gets into Christmas. Its open-air holiday markets are a tradition that spans generations. Millions of people from around the world flock to the city during the month of December to shop the artisan crafts and old-world goods that can only be found in this one place. One finds happiness in Berlin this time of year, so it’s not surprising that when a truck plowed into the holiday market there yesterday, the initial reaction was that it must have been a drowsy driver. It wasn’t.
This morning, police in Berlin are saying that the act was intentional and that they are treating the incident as a terror attack1. Twelve people are now dead as a result of the attack. One of those appears to be the original Polish driver of the truck who was found in the cab. The truck was apparently hijacked earlier by a man German media is claiming to be a Pakistani national. We’re waiting for a press conference later today to confirm that information.
Berlin markets are closed as both the investigation and mourning continues. The archbishop of Berlin held prayers for the victims at noon today.
Assassination In The Gallery
One of the most frightening things about terrorism is that it attacks us in the most unsuspecting of places. When Russian ambassador to Turkey, Andrei Karlov, was invited to speak at the opening of an exhibition of photographs from Russia’s westernmost Baltic region, I’m sure it seemed like another mindless affair of state; the sort of things ambassadors do on a regular basis. He’d read a short speech, shake a few hands, say nice things about the photographs, and be gone.
That’s not what happened. Associated Press photographer Burhan Ozbilici was attending a photo exhibition simply because it was on his way home2. He describes the scene as quiet, the ambassador, “was speaking softly and… lovingly about his homeland.” That silence was soon shattered, though, as a police officer fired several shots killing the ambassador. He then menacingly continued yelling, in Arabic, smashing some of the photos on the wall. He would later be killed in a shootout with police.
Tensions between Russia and Turkey have been high over Russia’s support of the Assad regime in Syria, especially in regard to the humanitarian tragedy in Aleppo. Many of the Syrian refugees have fled to Turkey for safety. In a separate attack, a Turkish man is being detained after firing a shotgun outside the US embassy in Ankara3. No one was injured in that incident, but tensions still remain very high even as both Russian and Turkish officials pledge to work together in resolving their differences.
Shooting At Prayer Time
Even Switzerland, which we normally think of as being peace-loving, quiet, and accepting, was marred by violence late yesterday as a gunman opened fire in a Geneva mosque frequented by Somali Muslims4. Three men were injured, though, thankfully, none of the injuries appear to be life-threatening. A regular worshipper at the mosque said this was the first time they had any problems at the center and that normally no one bothered them.
Even in Switzerland, though, where two-third of the population identifies as Christian, relationships with the Muslim community there, many of which are immigrants from the former Yugoslavia, is tentative. Back in 2009, a constitutional referendum banned new minarets in the entire country.
The body of the gunman was found later on a street nearby, but police in Geneva are being quiet about the shooting, hoping to prevent the panic that often accompanies terroristic incidents such as this. Still, for a shooting to happen in as place like this, where there was no hint of any discord, gives the entire international Muslim community reason to be on guard, especially during this holiday season.
Bathroom Doors May Be Open
The state of North Carolina seems to have difficulty keeping itself out of the news. After passing bills last week limiting the executive powers of the incoming Governor, it appears that same state legislature may be ready to repeal the controversial HB2, dubbed the “bathroom bill,” that required transgendered persons to use the restroom facility matching the gender identity on their birth certificate5.
How this all went down is a bit complicated. The whole thing started when the city of Charlotte passed an anti-discrimination bill that guaranteed transgender people the right to use whichever restroom they wanted. That bill motived the state legislature to pass HB2 specifically to stop the Charlotte law. The law proved to be bad for the state, though, costing it several high-profile events and thousands of jobs. So, a deal was made over the weekend. If Charlotte would repeal their law, the state legislature would repeal theirs. The Charlotte City Council took the necessary action yesterday and the state legislature is being called into emergency session specifically to repeal HB2.
Is this really a victory, though? While the elimination of HB2 is a good thing, the deal leaves transgendered people without any legal protection. This sort of “don’t-ask-don’t-tell” approach isn’t likely to work for long.  Without specific anti-discrimination laws in place, transgender people are still too easy a target.
And finally …
“You are free to go,” are words being said at federal prisons all across the US as President Obama set a new record yesterday for the most individual clemencies issued in one day by any president. The president pardoned 78 people and shortened the sentence of 153 others convicted of federal crimes6. Â And this is while the man is on vacation with his family, mind you.
Issuing pardons is a fairly common activity among lame-duck presidents during their final days in office. Every sitting president has done the same thing, but President Obama has been much more proactive about the matter. All total, he has pardoned 148 people during his presidency and has shortened the sentences of 1,176 people. He has been very vocal about the need for prison reform, even though his administration was never able to get much legislative traction on the issue.
What many people are waiting to see is whether the president takes any action regarding Leonard Peltier. Peltier is the native tribesman and leader of the American Indian Movement who was sentenced to two consecutive life sentences for the murder of two FBI agents on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in 1975. From the very beginning of that incident, many have believed that Peltier was a scapegoat and not the person actually responsible for the shootings. Amnesty International still lists this as an unfair trial7 and it has been the subject of intense controversy. While native tribes civil rights groups have been lobbying heavily for Peltier’s pardon, however, it seems more likely that President Obama might shorten the sentence to match the time already served. This would allow Peltier to be released but would not remove the conviction.
We are so very out of time this morning. Let’s hope that Tuesday goes much smoother than our Monday did. I have holiday treats to bake. Bundle up and stay safe. Subscribe to our freakin’ post already! Share our articles so we can grow, please. May your Tuesday not be terrible. We’ll see you tomorrow.
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