Here it is St. Patrick’s Day and for the second year in a row, there’s no Guinness in the house. No Jameson, either. Not every holiday comes with drink requirements, but this one does and it feels wrong to not be able to partake. Not even a shot. This is just another one of the things that goes with being on chemo. I’ve mentioned it before, I know. If we were having corned beef for lunch today, that might help, but we’re not. Corned beef costs far too much for our budget, especially when considering how much of it we have to cook to keep the kids pleased. Five pounds is barely enough for the kids.
When cancer treatment starts, it’s easy to think, “I got this. We’ll make it through. No problem.” The longer treatment continues, though, and the side effects get worse, not better, and you miss being around your friends, and you begin to feel the weight of the treatment as an emotional burden, the more difficult it is to hold onto any kind of hope. I keep telling myself, “Maybe next year.” Maybe. Who knows what might happen over the next 365 days? There are no promises that the backside of treatment won’t leave me with lingering side effects. There are no promises that as one treatment ends another becomes necessary.
This is where the depression kicks in. Every day, there is something that you’re missing, something you want to do and can’t. Dance a jig? I never have been a dancer, but trying such a thing now would land me on my butt. Go to a burlesque show? Sorry, I can’t stay out that late. Bingo night with the other old folks? I don’t dare. They might be contagious.
At least I have coffee. The day they take that away from me, I’ll have no choice but to die.
The problem of archived digital photographs is coming to bear in a painful way. The above photo was taken with a five-megapixel Canon 5D. In 2005, it was the best in its class for digital SLRs. One of the promises of digital photography was supposed to be that we could return to them at any time and re-process them without damaging the negative. That’s proving not necessarily to be the case.
JPEG artifacts are the problem. Or maybe it is software that doesn’t accommodate how formats were written to disc 20 years ago. Whatever the issue may be, I’m finding that trying to fix the color in old images, which is a frequent necessity, is difficult. This morning, it’s the red channel that won’t cooperate. There are places where original settings can’t be changed or improved. The data can’t be overwritten.
Part of the problem may be that I no longer have the original RAW file. In theory, I shouldn’t have as many color issues working from the original. However, this photo was processed from an uncompressed TIFF file which should contain all the same digital information as the RAW file. This has me concerned that our digital files may not have the archival longevity that we had hoped.
I need some things from the store but no one currently in the house can drive, there’s not a car available if they could, and delivery isn’t an option. Maybe this time next year.
2021 In Review: The Final Year
Our last year started slow but ended with pictures to carry into 2022
This was the year that broke the proverbial camel’s back. After 37 years, we decided that the costs were too high, the effort too great, and the frustrations too often to bother continuing as a photographer. Officially, we pull the plug on New Year’s Day, but barring some exceptional occurrence, we’ve already taken the last picture. The camera is safely stowed in case I decide to pull it out again, but it’s out of the way, out of sight, and hibernating. One of my chores today is to remove the lights from the back of the car and store them out in the shed along with my tripod and reflectors. We’re done.
Sort of. As slow as this year started, the last six months have been full of activity, much more than we’ve had time to process. Much of this was intentional. I wanted to have enough new material to still enter juried shows for the next couple of years (assuming they survive). As a result, I still have several hundred unprocessed images waiting for my attention. I won’t release them as regularly as I have before, and when I do it may be a single image rather than a full set.
From a public perspective, we’re taking this website into archive mode. There will be no information about booking or hiring. We’ll re-work the portfolios and they’ll take a dominant position on the front page in video format. New material will be toward the bottom of the front page and most easily accessible through social media posts.
Can I be coaxed into shooting again? Maybe. We’ll see how it goes. If I do, it will be on a shoot-by-shoot basis. The concepts need to be original and enticing, something I’ve never shot before, and the people involved need to be exciting. And it will cost more. Just getting everything checked and out the door is going to be more of an effort, so the price is going to be higher. No, I still won’t shoot your wedding. I’ll officiate if you ask (yes, I can do that), but I won’t take pictures.
So, here’s a brief glance back at what we did this year. There’s not a lot. Jan-April was pretty slim. We didn’t post anything the entire month of May because there wasn’t anything to post. That’s largely what prompted this decision. As always, click on a thumbnail to view to collection full screen on your device. Thank you for all the years you’ve watched, encouraged, and commented. We’ll miss you.
-charles
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