Negative Affirmations
There’s something different about my editing screen this morning and I’m not sure exactly what it is. The margins are off and that’s… unsettling. I’m not sure whether to blame one of the random software updates or my own ignorance, which seems to be growing by the hour. Being confident in one’s self is difficult when one loses the certainty of what one thinks they know.
Yesterday was mild. I read. I wrote. I napped. I read some more. I made dinner. Kat had a day full of haircuts, one right after another with no break. She fell asleep soon after she got home and I’m not sure she’s moved since. So everything is cool, right?
Not hardly. First, there was the matter of trying to get my prescription filled. I contacted the prescribing doctor who responded with, “Don’t worry, we’ll take care of it.” Ten minutes later, I got a second message, “All taken care of.” So, I check the pharmacy app and it’s back to “Getting refilled.” WHAT THE LIVING FUCK! I need the fucking medicine and I’m fucking tired of having to wait forever to get the damn thing filled!
Then, there was the matter of a recurring charge that shouldn’t be recurring or charging. We went over this with the bank three months ago. Yet, there it was again, $100 missing from my account. The bank replaced the funds, BUT their solution for preventing another incident was to replace my card. Again. Fine, order a new card. The problem with that is that not only will I have to go through and change every instance of my card number with every authorized service, but more importantly, I DON’T HAVE ACCESS TO THE MONEY IN MY ACCOUNT! I can’t buy milk or cat litter or a piece of sanity until the new card arrives. Normally, a new card would be here by the end of the week. However, there’s a freaking holiday in the middle of the week so who the fuck knows when I’ll get the new card and be able to make the necessary purchases.
Yes, the computer is still giving me fits, but no one seems terribly interested in helping resolve that problem. $300 takes care of it. Venmo: @C_I_Letbetter or CashApp: $ciletbetter. Feel free to help ease my suffering.
Since I can’t order more milk, which is the one food item we consume the most, I warned the kids last night to take it easy on the milk. What do I find in the kitchen this morning? Someone had finished the GIANT box of cereal and left the empty box on the counter with a corresponding amount of milk missing. Understand, we’ve only had that cereal a week and it’s already gone. Apparently, someone is using cereal as their primary source of sustenance.
All this and I woke up at 3:30 this morning, unable to go back to sleep. When I don’t sleep, I’m restless. When I’m restless, the cats get restless because I keep kicking them off the bed (it’s dark and I can’t see where they are). When the cats get restless, they get into things like the trash in the kitchen. Then, they wake the dogs. This morning started much too early.
Which leads me to the concept of Negative Affirmations. To hell with all the positive crap about, “you can do this,” and “make the day yours.” No. When a day starts like this, you have to accept the fact that things go wrong, things happen that annoy you and make you angry, and accept that how you feel about those things is okay. So, here are some Negative Affirmations for this morning.
It’s okay to be pissed off when no one takes out the goddamn trash.
Why is the trash bag sitting in the middle of the floor in the first place? No wonder the cats are tearing holes in the bag. If they can tie off the bag and set it on the floor, they can take it the fuck outside.
Go ahead and complain about the heat.
Everyone’s hot, everyone’s complaining about it in their head, so go ahead and say it out loud: it’s too damn hot. Alter your plans to stay where it’s cool. No one has the right to ask you to go out in this mess. It’s not healthy. Do they want you to fucking die? No? Then they can wait for this damn heat dome to pass before asking you to leave the air conditioning.
No, it’s not an oxymoron to drink hot coffee when it’s hot outside.
The only “moron” is the person suggesting you drink something other than hot coffee in the morning. Those are the kinds of suggestions that can get a person slapped, especially if I’ve not had my coffee yet. Coffee doesn’t increase one’s body temperature. Coffee keeps one from being homicidal in this heat.
Expecting everyone else to have their shit together is not unreasonable.
Never mind that I can’t remember my PIN or my passcode. My faults are not anyone else’s excuse for being inadequate. They don’t need to be adding to your bad mood with their incompetence. We’ll try to be understanding of innocent errors, but if you’re failing at the job you’ve been doing for twenty years, that’s a you problem. We’re going to expect better.
Being drunk before noon is a reasonable coping mechanism.
Just dealing with people is reason enough to drink and if they’re going to start being asshats early in the morning, then someone needs to spike the coffee. Make it a double if the person you’re dealing with is a fucking politician or telemarketer. Go ahead and drink, then take a nap. Otherwise, you might tell someone what you really think of them.
Telling a person to “shove it” is simply direct communication.
Everyone keeps telling us that “communication is key” and that we should be honest and direct. Okay, you can take all your positivity and sunshine and shove it up your ass. Let me have my bad day(s). How’s that for direct and honest?
You don’t have to give a shit about Taylor, Travis, or anyone else who may or may not be in a relationship.
There simply is no good reason for opening up the newsfeed and seeing a story about how much Taylor misses Travis right under the story about Netanyahu dismantling his war cabinet. No one with a brain fucking cares about celebrity private lives. No one with a working brain should. We have our own relationships to worry about.
No, the 70s rock music is not too loud.
There’s no such thing. You’re just jealous because your generation’s music is lame.
There are definitely more, but I’ll save them for another time. Right now, I need to refill my coffee cup that’s more than half empty.
Oh, and if you didn’t read yesterday’s educational post, you have homework to do.
Morning Update: 07/19/24
Yesterday was rough on this Dad’s emotions. One might think that, after seeing four boys taking the same step, watching child number five starting high school might be non-eventful. One would be wrong. The whole event tugged on my heartstrings because not only is this the last child, but it’s also the only girl out of the bunch. We won’t be doing this again. What are firsts for her are lasts for me. She’s growing up, I’m just growing old. She used to reach for my hand. Now she reaches for my arm to help me go down the stairs.
She had a doctor’s appointment first, to check on whether to adjust her ADHD meds. She was thrilled to finally weigh over 100 pounds (just barely). She hasn’t gotten much taller, though, which she found disappointing. Her doctor, who tells us she’s from “a place in the former Soviet Union,” was excited about her starting high school and tried to be encouraging. She’s adjusting Tipper’s meds down a little for the first month to see how things go.
As we drove to the school, my head was flooded with memories. Tipper was two years old when I first met her. She had a huge smile. She was only moderately shy at first and it wasn’t long before she was riding on my shoulders. Before long, I was the one she looked at to put her in her car seat while Kat took care of G. She’d cuddle with me when she wasn’t feeling well and fell asleep on my shoulder more than a few times. Arguments with her mom were common, but she would calmly discuss her issues with me, let me dry her tears, and reach a compromise (if there was one to be had) before going to apologize to Mommy.
Since I started chemo, she’s been the first visitor in my room every morning. She comes in, pets the animals, and we talk about whatever’s coming up for the day. She keeps me updated on whatever anime she’s watching (that I still don’t understand), tells me her ideas for a furry costume of some sort, tells me what’s going on with her boyfriend, Gio, and occasionally even asks questions about what’s going on in the world, though I suspect she does that just to humor me.
Starting high school is a big step for her. For now, she’s interested in a career in Early Childhood Education. I’m earnestly hoping she finds something in high school to channel that love for children in a direction where she’s more respected. She’s had some fantastic teachers over the years and that is the fuel behind her current desires, but I know how many of those teachers have had to leave the profession because they simply can’t afford to continue. I know how all of those teachers have had to fight for basic rights, constantly challenged by both administrators and state legislators who can’t get their heads out of their asses. I’m not thrilled to think of her going through those same challenges.
There’s a building at the school they refer to as “the Bunker.” It’s a former manufacturing building, as is the main building, built out to support the unique needs of engineering, from making and testing robots to all the various forms of woodworking. We walked into the Bunker yesterday and she immediately fell in love with all the different creative resources, the drills, saws, and sufficient space to place things out and work on their designs. She doesn’t yet realize how well her creative tendencies align with engineering skills. I’m hoping she discovers and embraces that potential.
After we finished at the school, we walked across the street to a tiny little taqueria for lunch. She ordered the chicken soup and devoured the homemade whole-wheat chips that came with it. Lunchtime chatter was all over the place, which is normal. After eating, I asked if she wanted to go home, which would have meant catching a bus or going to see Mom. She chose to go see Mom. Kat hadn’t been feeling well that morning, so we were both a little concerned.
As we started walking, I told her to start looking for College Ave. She immediately started making jokes. “How far is it to College? Oh, that’s years away.” She wasn’t particularly enjoying the walk, though, and was happy when Kat had a break in her schedule and came to pick us up. She told her mom all about the Bunker and some of the ideas it fueled. She went on about the soup, which she declared to be the best ever. She also put out her hand and made me pinky promise that we’d both take naps when we got home.
That was an easy promise to keep. I didn’t wake up until after 5:00 and realized that I hadn’t thawed anything for dinner. I tried ordering raw food that I could cook, but it didn’t get here until almost 8:00. By that time, everyone had utilized leftovers and fixed something for themselves. Tipper went through the fridge, cleaned it up, and did the dishes. G made brief appearances but was largely consumed with the game he was playing.
All through the day, we see glimpses of the young woman Tipper is becoming. She has more potential than she realizes. Her compassion is overwhelming. Her critical thinking skills are developing quickly. She’s going to be a force to be reckoned with. I’m letting her go, watching her grow, but I’ll always be her Dad. There are plenty of big steps in her future. This won’t be the last time that I cry.
Then, we wake up this morning to see what happens when the entire fucking world depends on a monopoly. Microsoft services are down and the whole world has come to a grinding halt. Medical services are being delayed. Financial services are at risk. Some broadcasters are off the air completely. The world is discovering in the most painful way how reliant they are on one company and how dangerous that is. Not that people haven’t been trying to tell them that for years. There have been plenty of warnings along the way. Yet, here we are with so many services shut down around the world that it is dangerous in many places for one to even leave the house. As of 7:15 AM EDT, cybersecurity firm CrowdStrike says that they’ve found the problem, a single update to the Windows system and that a fix is being deployed. The cost in terms of loss is going to be in the billions of dollars.
Will anyone learn their lesson from this? Not likely. While Apple and Linux were not affected, converting to those systems is expensive and could conceivably take years as many Windows 365 apps and services are not duplicated on any other platform. What this outage proves is how vulnerable the world’s digital systems are. This wasn’t a cyberattack. This was simply a global software update. ONE SMALL PIECE OF CODE brought the entire world to a standstill. Moreover, this is in a realm that legislation and regulation, even in countries where that control is severe, cannot adequately cover. These changes have to be done on a corporate level, involve billions of dollars in revenue, and could have trickle-down consequences not yet imagined.
What a way to start the day, huh? And if you live in Australia, the entire day has been a mess by now. This is the topic everyone will be talking about today. If only that talk would result in immediate action that matters. It won’t. That’s not the way today’s world works.
I’m not sure anything else matters at the moment. RNC speech? What RNC speech? Election? What election? When you can’t make a purchase, your plane can’t leave, or the traffic lights are all stuck on red, all the political bullshit ceases to matter. We see how little control the government actually has over the real world. We see how inept corporations are at cooperating. We realize how dependent our lives are on things that we do not and cannot control.
In a rational world, an event like this forces severe change.
We don’t live in a rational world.
Without even looking, I know there are people making the excuse, “I guess God didn’t want [insert random event] to happen today.” Bullshit. God doesn’t care if you miss your flight or if your credit card gets declined. God is not a micromanager. This is the fault of an inadequately tested line of code and years of monopoly-driven bad decisions. God isn’t going to fix that. Politics aren’t going to fix that. Reason and critical thinking skills, which are globally in short supply, are the only solution.
So yeah, we’re doomed. This will happen again and next time it probably won’t be an accident. The weakness has been exposed and corporations can’t move quickly enough to prevent exploitation.
Good thing it’s Friday, isn’t it?
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