Negative Affirmations
There’s something different about my editing screen this morning and I’m not sure exactly what it is. The margins are off and that’s… unsettling. I’m not sure whether to blame one of the random software updates or my own ignorance, which seems to be growing by the hour. Being confident in one’s self is difficult when one loses the certainty of what one thinks they know.
Yesterday was mild. I read. I wrote. I napped. I read some more. I made dinner. Kat had a day full of haircuts, one right after another with no break. She fell asleep soon after she got home and I’m not sure she’s moved since. So everything is cool, right?
Not hardly. First, there was the matter of trying to get my prescription filled. I contacted the prescribing doctor who responded with, “Don’t worry, we’ll take care of it.” Ten minutes later, I got a second message, “All taken care of.” So, I check the pharmacy app and it’s back to “Getting refilled.” WHAT THE LIVING FUCK! I need the fucking medicine and I’m fucking tired of having to wait forever to get the damn thing filled!
Then, there was the matter of a recurring charge that shouldn’t be recurring or charging. We went over this with the bank three months ago. Yet, there it was again, $100 missing from my account. The bank replaced the funds, BUT their solution for preventing another incident was to replace my card. Again. Fine, order a new card. The problem with that is that not only will I have to go through and change every instance of my card number with every authorized service, but more importantly, I DON’T HAVE ACCESS TO THE MONEY IN MY ACCOUNT! I can’t buy milk or cat litter or a piece of sanity until the new card arrives. Normally, a new card would be here by the end of the week. However, there’s a freaking holiday in the middle of the week so who the fuck knows when I’ll get the new card and be able to make the necessary purchases.
Yes, the computer is still giving me fits, but no one seems terribly interested in helping resolve that problem. $300 takes care of it. Venmo: @C_I_Letbetter or CashApp: $ciletbetter. Feel free to help ease my suffering.
Since I can’t order more milk, which is the one food item we consume the most, I warned the kids last night to take it easy on the milk. What do I find in the kitchen this morning? Someone had finished the GIANT box of cereal and left the empty box on the counter with a corresponding amount of milk missing. Understand, we’ve only had that cereal a week and it’s already gone. Apparently, someone is using cereal as their primary source of sustenance.
All this and I woke up at 3:30 this morning, unable to go back to sleep. When I don’t sleep, I’m restless. When I’m restless, the cats get restless because I keep kicking them off the bed (it’s dark and I can’t see where they are). When the cats get restless, they get into things like the trash in the kitchen. Then, they wake the dogs. This morning started much too early.
Which leads me to the concept of Negative Affirmations. To hell with all the positive crap about, “you can do this,” and “make the day yours.” No. When a day starts like this, you have to accept the fact that things go wrong, things happen that annoy you and make you angry, and accept that how you feel about those things is okay. So, here are some Negative Affirmations for this morning.
It’s okay to be pissed off when no one takes out the goddamn trash.
Why is the trash bag sitting in the middle of the floor in the first place? No wonder the cats are tearing holes in the bag. If they can tie off the bag and set it on the floor, they can take it the fuck outside.
Go ahead and complain about the heat.
Everyone’s hot, everyone’s complaining about it in their head, so go ahead and say it out loud: it’s too damn hot. Alter your plans to stay where it’s cool. No one has the right to ask you to go out in this mess. It’s not healthy. Do they want you to fucking die? No? Then they can wait for this damn heat dome to pass before asking you to leave the air conditioning.
No, it’s not an oxymoron to drink hot coffee when it’s hot outside.
The only “moron” is the person suggesting you drink something other than hot coffee in the morning. Those are the kinds of suggestions that can get a person slapped, especially if I’ve not had my coffee yet. Coffee doesn’t increase one’s body temperature. Coffee keeps one from being homicidal in this heat.
Expecting everyone else to have their shit together is not unreasonable.
Never mind that I can’t remember my PIN or my passcode. My faults are not anyone else’s excuse for being inadequate. They don’t need to be adding to your bad mood with their incompetence. We’ll try to be understanding of innocent errors, but if you’re failing at the job you’ve been doing for twenty years, that’s a you problem. We’re going to expect better.
Being drunk before noon is a reasonable coping mechanism.
Just dealing with people is reason enough to drink and if they’re going to start being asshats early in the morning, then someone needs to spike the coffee. Make it a double if the person you’re dealing with is a fucking politician or telemarketer. Go ahead and drink, then take a nap. Otherwise, you might tell someone what you really think of them.
Telling a person to “shove it” is simply direct communication.
Everyone keeps telling us that “communication is key” and that we should be honest and direct. Okay, you can take all your positivity and sunshine and shove it up your ass. Let me have my bad day(s). How’s that for direct and honest?
You don’t have to give a shit about Taylor, Travis, or anyone else who may or may not be in a relationship.
There simply is no good reason for opening up the newsfeed and seeing a story about how much Taylor misses Travis right under the story about Netanyahu dismantling his war cabinet. No one with a brain fucking cares about celebrity private lives. No one with a working brain should. We have our own relationships to worry about.
No, the 70s rock music is not too loud.
There’s no such thing. You’re just jealous because your generation’s music is lame.
There are definitely more, but I’ll save them for another time. Right now, I need to refill my coffee cup that’s more than half empty.
Oh, and if you didn’t read yesterday’s educational post, you have homework to do.
Morning Update: 06/19/24
Juneteenth
When the first sip of the first cup of coffee hits your lips in the morning, it’s eye-opening, mind-changing, attitude-reversing clarity that lasts just long enough to remind one that they need to take another sip because this day isn’t going to run itself without sufficient caffeine. There is no such thing as a “calm” day anymore. Even when the majority of the day is spent in bed either sleeping or whimpering in pain, as yesterday was, coffee is still needed to keep from biting the heads off cohabitants or fellow employees or cats just looking for a place to sleep. There is no margin for error when coffee is in short supply, and even then, there are days when pot after pot just isn’t enough.
Today is Juneteenth, a holiday if you’ve not been paying attention. Your bank is closed. There’s no trash pickup, which means it’s on a slide schedule for the rest of the week. There’s no mail service. Government offices are closed (which may be a blessing). Some businesses may close, though I’ve not seen a list of such.
What saddens me is that there are too many people who refuse to recognize Juneteenth. They say there’s no reason for the day to be a holiday. These would be the same people who, over the course of several days last week, posted AI-generated images of impossible displays of the US flag with the caption, “This is my pride flag.” I’m going to assume these people are ignorant. If you don’t understand why Juneteenth is important, click here and educate yourself, moron.
Yes, I just used the word moron. I’m done placating stupid people. We have reached a point where the level of stupidity is dangerous. Juneteenth is about freedom, but let’s be clear: As long as there are stupid people in charge of anything, we’re not free. Consider the following:
As we celebrate this year, we must remember that there are still too many people, millions of people, in the US who are not free. They are slaves of a political and corporate establishment that holds them down, pulls them back, and refuses to recognize them as human. That, after all, has been the American way since the Constitution was written. Never forget that the founding of this country, a war fought on the backs of slaves, Indigenous peoples, and those too poor to own land, was done for the sole benefit of male property owners. They may have used the phrase, “all men are created equal,” but what they meant was men like them: white, educated, property owners. Every right that the rest of us have has had to be fought for every day since 1776, and we’re still having to fight. Every goddamn day.
There were tears in my eyes Monday morning when I looked at the list of Tony Award winners and saw that Suffs had won for both best book and best score. Suffs, if you don’t know, is Shaina Taub’s telling of the 2013 women’s suffrage movement. It is one example of a fight for freedom that never ends, especially if you’re a woman of any color. I know I shared this video on Facebook earlier this week, but I’m posting it here to continue making the point: The fight for freedom is never over. Not today. Not tomorrow.
In case you can’t hear the song for any reason, here are the lyrics:
[ALICE]
You won’t live to see the future that you fight for
Maybe no one gets to reach that perfect day
If the work is never over
Then how do you keep marching anyway?
Do you carry your banner as far as you can
Rewriting the world with your imperfect pen
Till the next stubborn girl picks it up in a picket line over and over again?
And you join in the chorus of centuries chanting to her
The path will be twisted and risky and slow
But keep marching
Keep marching
Will you fail or prevail, well, you may never know
But keep marching
Keep marching ’cause your ancestors are all the proof you need
That progress is possiblе, not guaranteed
It will only be made if we keep marching, keep marching on
Keep marching on
[ENSEMBLE]
Keep marching on
[ALICE]
Keep marching on
[ENSEMBLE]
Keep marching on
[ALL]
And rеmember every mother that you came from
Learned as much from our success as our mistakes
Don’t forget you’re merely one of many others
On the journey every generation makes
We did not end injustice and neither will you
[SOME ENSEMBLE]
Neither will you
[ALL]
But still, we made strides, so we know you can too
[SOME ENSEMBLE]
Know you can too
[ALL]
Make peace with our incomplete power and use it for good
‘Cause there’s so much to do
[SOME ENSEMBLE]
So much to do
[ALL]
The gains will feel small and the losses too large
Keep marching
Keep marching
You’ll rarely agree with whoever’s in charge
Keep marching
Keep marching ’cause your ancestors are all the proof you need
That progress is possible, not guaranteed
It will only be made if we keep marching, keep marching on
[SOME ENSEMBLE]
Keep marching on
[OTHER ENSEMBLE]
Keep marching on
[SOME ENSEMBLE]
Keep marching on
[ALL]
Yes, the world can be changed
[OTHER ENSEMBLE]
We’ve done it before
So keep marching
[SOME ENSEMBLE]
Keep marching on
[OTHER ENSEMBLE]
Keep marching
We’re always behind you, so
[ALL]
Bang down the door
And keep marching
[SOME ENSEMBLE]
Keep marching on
[OTHER ENSEMBLE]
Keep marching
And let
[ALL]
History sound the alarm of how
The future demands that we fight for it now
It will only be ours if we keep marching, keep marching on
[OTHER ENSEMBLE]
Keep marching on
[ALL]
Come on, keep marching, marching, marching
Come on, keep marching, marching, marching
Come on, keep marching, marching, marching
Come on, keep marching, marching, marching
Come on, keep marching, marching, marching
Keep marching on
Taub’s words couldn’t be any more spot on: “On the journey every generation makes
We did not end injustice and neither will you.” “…your ancestors are all the proof you need
That progress is possible, not guaranteed.”
Over the course of the past few years, we’ve seen the Voting Rights Act demolished, Roe V. Wade overturned, and even now, as you’re reading this, state and county GOP committees are looking for ways to make it impossible for you to vote.
Juneteenth is a celebration of what is possible, but it must also be a reminder that NOTHING is guaranteed. We cannot sit back and take a damn thing for granted. We must keep marching, keep yelling, keep protesting, keep fighting, and keep voting even when/where they don’t want us. If we don’t, then we’ll lose every freedom our ancestors fought so hard to give us.
I find it no coincidence that we celebrate Juneteenth both in the middle of Pride month and just two weeks after Memorial Day, even though neither holiday had been established when news of the Emancipation Proclamation reached the ever-stubborn state of Texas. There’s always this big push to honor WWII veterans, though few remain. There’s always this talk about how they fought for our rights, to keep us free. I don’t challenge that. But let me be very clear: there is a constant and frightening popular threat to those freedoms headed by an orange felon who never served, never sacrificed a damn thing, and holds no regard for anyone’s freedom except his own. Given free reign, he will strip all of us of every freedom we ever thought we had.
When I woke up this morning, the dream I was having was perhaps frighteningly prophetic. There was an Indigenous family of four, Mom, Dad, and two teens about the same ages as G and Tipper. They were at some event that had a carnival-type atmosphere. They seemed to be having fun. Toward the end of the dream, they were all standing in line to sign up for something. My dream was not clear as to what, but they all seemed excited about it. The kids went through first, signed up for whatever it was, and then the man behind the desk shut the laptop and announced that they had reached the allowable limit. No one else was able to sign up. The parents reached out for their children as the kids were ushered off into darkness. It was then that I woke up.
No matter how long I live, I will never forget both my mother and my Uncle Windjammer telling me the story of why my great-grandparents refused to sign the Dawes Roll. Signing the Dawes Roll meant being affiliated with a tribe, recognized by the government as being Indigenous. The government said that being on the roll would come with certain rights and privileges. My great-grandparents didn’t buy into that spiel. Allegedly, the words of my great-grandmother were something along the lines of, “The last time they [the government] put our names on a list, they rounded us up and marched us across the country. We’d be fools to let them do it to us again.”
Never forget that we had no rights when the United States was founded. We’ve had to fight every damn step of the way. We cannot stop fighting now. There are too many people who want to push all of us back, keep us marginalized, slaves to a system in which we have no voice.
Don’t let it happen.
Keep marching.
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