Morning Update: 06/02/24

Morning Update: 06/02/24

June 2, 2024

All The Things That Are

Fabulous Fashion [2012 with AI enhancement]

Yesterday was pretty much exactly what we expected: rain. The weather did hold off long enough for Tipper and me to make a trip to the store for eggs and cereal. We should have grabbed another gallon of milk, but there was still over half a gallon in the fridge. This morning, there’s no milk. That tends to happen a lot around here. We’ll go a couple of days with hardly anyone touching the milk, then boom, it’s gone. So, we’ll be making another trip today.

One of the cute things about Tipper, though, is how careful she is when she’s walking with me. She watches for every uneven spot in the sidewalk, every hole I might step in, anything that could possibly trip me up. She grabs my elbow to help me step off the curb. She insists on holding doors open for me. She takes grocery bags from my hands and carries them herself. I’ve had to explain to her why it’s important for me to be the one walking on the outside of the sidewalk because she’d take that dangerous position, too, if I’d let her.

So, you can imagine her concern when I announced around 7:30 last night that I was “going walking” by myself. I had a specific destination that was not child-appropriate, so her going with me was not an option. She was napping when I left and when she woke she wanted to know, “Are they going to drive you home or? I’m a little confused. 😭” Kat and I both assured her that I was okay. By that time, I was on my way home and she was back asleep before I finished taking the dogs out. It is so incredibly precious how much she cares, though I do worry that perhaps she’s taking on an adult-sized load of concern.

I have to push myself through days like yesterday. In addition to everything hurting, I cough more, my balance is off more, and as I move between periods of sleep and awake, my cognition isn’t always as sharp as it should be. I either nap, surrounded by as many animals as possible or I’m doing something fairly rote and mundane so as to not make my head hurt anymore than it already does.

Going back through posts from 2021 and earlier, I’m noticing that not only are some videos missing (I know why) but the photo carousel isn’t working either. When I check on the photos that are missing, I also find that I don’t necessarily like how I initially processed a lot of them. Therefore, I’ve decided that I need to reprocess them and repost them as videos as that makes them more difficult to steal. I’m not sure how that’s going to look necessarily, but it’s something I can do to fill time without making my head hurt.

Last week, we enjoyed the food from Fat Cat BBQ during the race, but there’s also a nearby bar called Fat Cat as well and this past week we discovered that a dear friend is now working behind the bar there. So, as I grew restless and a bit hungry, I decided that when the weather cleared I would walk down there (hence the reason for Tipper’s concern). The bar is almost exactly a mile from the house and the biggest danger is crossing Lafayette Rd.

Kat nor I are, by nature, not the kind of people who sit in bars on a regular basis just to hang out and drink. First, neither one drinks that much (I’m not supposed to drink at all), we’re both cheapskates when it comes to how much we pay for alcohol, and finally, we don’t necessarily like people all that much. Fat Cat has been on the same corner the entire time we’ve lived here and last night was the first time I’ve walked through its doors. In fact, at one point, someone (I don’t remember who) told me to be careful, that it wasn’t necessarily my “kind of crowd.” But Jenni is a dear friend and it’s been well over a year since I last saw her. I knew that as long as she was there I’d be reasonably safe.

Turns out, any concern about it being too rough an establishment was ill-placed. I walked in and almost immediately one dear inebriated soul was happy to welcome me to the bar, introduced himself, and suggested I order a drink. There was no one there who wasn’t friendly. Bonus points: Jenni’s daughter was working the kitchen and DJ Redbone was in the house just floating about and being social. I’ve known Redbone since the days of UNZip the Runway (14, maybe 15 years ago?) so it was good to catch up a bit. I didn’t stay too long. There’s a time limit on when I need to take my evening medicine and check my glucose. I was back home and headed to bed before 10:00. I’ve not been out at night in so long, though, I really enjoyed my time there.

One side note: on the walk there, just a few houses north of us, I came across a young raptor in a neighbor’s yard. I’m not sure exactly what kind of bird it was. He had a smooth, gold head and black body with gold feathers in his tail. He had caught a mole and flew off toward the North 40 when he left. This is one of those moments when I hate how lousy the digital zoom is on my phone camera. I couldn’t get close enough to get an identifying picture. He looked really young, but he definitely knew he was king of the air at that moment.

As we celebrate Pride Month, it’s well worth noting that yesterday, a drag queen story time in Philadelphia set the Guinness World Record for attendance. This is the first such record for that category and as LGBTQ+ issues are such a hot point during an election year, I’m extremely happy that it happened and I think Philadelphia was the perfect place!

Solaris has planted himself on my desk in from of my monitor fresh from having puked up his entire breakfast. So help me, I’m pretty sure that the majority of the paper towels we use in this house go toward cleaning up cat puke.

The air outside is still damp this morning. It seems strange that it’s June and I’ll need to wear a light jacket to go to the store. What’s more strange is that it’s going to be a couple of weeks before we truly break this cool pattern.

Meanwhile, in India, people are dying from the heat as they stand in line to vote, and South Africa’s mostly-white Democratic Alliance has won the majority there for the first time in over 20 years. Oh, and get this, North Korea is sending balloons carrying trash over to South Korea. South Korea is promising an “unendurable” response. China landed a rocket on the far side of the moon while Boeing choked on its effort to launch a manned space flight. I don’t see how anyone can be surprised by either of those news items. It has to be some very brave people sitting in that Boeing rocket.

Solaris says it’s time to stop typing. He’s batting at my fingers. I guess I’ll have to find something more entertaining to do.

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Morning Update: 06/01/2024

June 1, 2024

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!

Pride Month is here! Yay! It’s time to celebrate all my favorite people! I love Pride Month and all the wonderful things that come with it. No, I’m not able to participate in all the activities because, you know, cancer sucks and I have no immune system. That doesn’t mean I don’t support them and would definitely be right out there with them celebrating who they are and the rights they deserve as humans. I don’t give a fuck what anyone else says, the people you’ll meet at Pride events are some of the most loving and caring souls on the planet.

As the partner/parent/ally of more LGBTQ+ people than I care to count, I love seeing them flaunt their true selves, fly their true colors, and express themselves as individuals. I also find myself being aggressively protective of them and their rights. I am deeply disturbed by the direction that ultra-right-wing conservatives have taken against the rights of people I love and care about, especially trans people. Let me be very clear about this: If you’re human, you’re human and you inherently have all the rights of every other human on the planet regardless of how you may present yourself, who and how you love, how you identify, or how you relate to the public in general. There’s no room for argument on this. As has been said over and over and over and over again, human rights are not a pie that we carve up into pieces. Acknowledging the rights of someone else does not take away anyone else’s rights.

One of the more telling headlines I’ve seen this morning came from a Reuters poll showing that the Orange Felon’s supporters are less likely to have a college degree. No, this isn’t surprising. For the past eight-plus years, we’ve observed the lack of critical thinking skills that allow one to justify supporting someone who not only is a bad politician, but a rather nasty person as a whole. However, it also explains how these same people take a combative and pugnacious stand against LBGTQ+ rights. They were fed a limited story growing up and they don’t know how to see that story for the myth that it is. They are cocooned in their own little make-believe world and not only do they not know how to break free, they don’t want to be part of reality and wish that everyone would stop trying to take them out of their snow globe.

Here’s the thing: stupid people elect stupid people. We’ve seen that for years and the situation has only gotten worse. Eisenhower Republicans were for expanding social services to the poor and needy, were for expanding the minimum wage, and for labor rights. That ended with Eisenhower, though. From Tricky Dick to Ronald Reagan and beyond, the party has become further and further removed from reality, from the needs of actual people, and supportive of rights for the rich and the white. These are the people who are actively trying to harsh the buzz of Pride Month with their own little “Day of …” bullshit in a vain attempt to deny the fabulousness that LGBTQ+ people bring to our society.

Celebrating Pride Month is a necessity, not an option. If we don’t stand up and let our voices be heard all month long, we’re likely to find those voices stifled by people who can’t form a complete sentence. Noise matters. Your presence matters. Participation matters. Visibility matters. We cannot allow ourselves and our friends to be dominated by people whose social and sexual education ended with Adam and Eve. That means making the most of Pride Month and then extending that to the rest of the year.

What may be most important in this election year is that straight(ish) people need to stand in defense of our LGBTQ+ family and friends. The ultra-right-wing conservatives think they can dominate by shouting louder, being more aggressive, storming state houses, city councils, and school board meetings, and just flat being mean. We have no choice this year but to shout them down, put them in the minority, and demand equity in human rights across the board.

Tipper loves running around the yard, and other places, in her furry costume. It’s hot, so she typically doesn’t stay in it for long, but when she does she never fails to get interesting looks. She wore the costume for a little while on race day. One father forcibly pulled his young daughter in the opposite direction. Why? Tipper wasn’t hurting anyone, she damn sure wasn’t trying to recruit anyone, and the only person to whom she might occasionally be a danger is her brother. I get the quizzical looks she gets because it’s an interesting costume, but she’s having fun. She’s more expressive when she’s wearing that giant monster head. She dances and interacts with people who she would never approach as herself. She loves seeing the smile on the faces of little ones when she waves those big furry paws at them.

Tipper has the same rights whether appearing as herself or in costume as everyone else on the planet. You respond negatively to her, you’re getting on my bad side real quick. No one’s asking you to put on a costume. Just give her and everyone else the space to be who they are, to joyfully express who they are, and to live peacefully in the same world as everyone else. That’s not too much to ask.

There’s rain moving in this morning. I forgot to take a pill last night so I’m hesitating to check my glucose. The pups and I may well spend the rest of the day in bed. The kids mowed the yard yesterday (with no small amount of arguing over who was doing their “fair” share) so that’s out of the way. Two of our three young trees are doing well and will appreciate the rain. Kat had a rough day yesterday, though, so I’m hoping today is a lot better, people are more friendly to her, and she can get a decent night’s sleep without cats waking her at 6:00 in the freakin’ morning. Zach, my eldest, is moving into a new apartment today, so that’s kind of a big deal. It will be interesting to see how often his mom and brothers visit.

Life comes at us fast, children. Celebrate every part of who you are while you can.

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Morning Update: 05/31/24

May 31, 2024

The System Worked As Designed

There can now be no question that we are living in historic times. I wish we weren’t, because too many of the “historic” things we’ve experienced have been bad. In a sane world, the Iran hostage crisis of 1979 wouldn’t have happened. The terror of 9/11 wouldn’t have happened. And a former president wouldn’t have broken the law (before he was president). In a sane world, people behave. In a sane world, people don’t lie. In a sane world, adults don’t respond like three-year-olds.

We obviously have never lived in a sane world. Ever.

When the news came across my phone that a verdict was ready in the former president’s hush money case, I turned on a live stream of ABC News and called the kids into the room. They needed to witness this because it will most likely affect them a lot longer than it will affect me. ABC displayed a simple graphic numbered 1-34, representing the number of counts against the former president. We watched together as the space in front of each one filled with the word “guilty.” There were no non-decisions, nor did they find him not guilty on any count. That was it.

The Orange Felon called the trial rigged, but let’s consider how we got here. First, there were charges. Each charge had to be vetted by the New York Attorney General’s Office to see if there was any chance of the charge being true. They concluded that there was. Next, a grand jury was assembled. It was the grand jury’s job to consider all the evidence and decide whether there was sufficient cause to go ahead with a full trial. Had there not been enough evidence, the case would have ended there. The case was scheduled for trial. Both sides participated equally in the selection of jurors. Both sides called their witnesses and pleaded their case, presumably to the best of their ability.

The jury deliberated for a mere ten hours over the course of two days. They had the judge’s instructions read back to them to ensure they followed the law. There was ample opportunity for any one of the jurors to muddy the waters. A single juror is all it would take to declare a mistrial. Had there been any question, the jurors could have debated for days, even weeks, about the efficacy of each count. That was their right and totally within their power. But that didn’t happen. This fairly and reasonably selected jury was unanimous and came back with one verdict on which they all agreed: guilty.

This is the way the system was designed to work.

I want my children to grow up believing in the rule of law. I want my children to know that no one, including a former president (or a sitting president, for that matter), is above the law. These matters are critical because without them we lose our Democracy.

I know that Reuters is reporting that Trump supporters call for riots and violent retribution after verdict. The media is going to hype that angle, perhaps to the point of making it come to fruition. Without all the media hype, I don’t think it would actually happen, but this is the way we apparently work now. And, honestly, when have the Orange Felon’s cult members not responded like three-year-olds who didn’t get their way? Ever? No, never. Every damn time. Why? Because three-year-olds don’t understand that they’re not that special. Three-year-olds don’t understand that there are consequences for disobeying rules. The difference here is that actual three-year-olds learn. The members of the Felon’s cult, don’t.

After the verdict, G made us all a delicious celebratory soup because the system worked. We ate the soup, took our meds, and went to bed. We slept well. Today, we’ll mow the lawn because it’s almost certain to rain tomorrow.

Our lives go on. I still have cancer and diabetes and high blood pressure and arthritis and I’m insane. The kids are still enjoying the few weeks of summer break they have. Kat will still do the most awesome work on people’s hair. The dogs will still bark at anyone who walks past the house. The cats will still leave hair on everything. Nothing changes for us.

But we go forward knowing that the system works, whether anyone likes the outcome or not. Fuss all you want, the law is the law. If you want to change the law, you have to vote. But then, who is going to change the law to allow for deceptive financial practices? There are enough loopholes already that corporations are exploiting.

By the way, can we end this talk of jail time for the Orange Felon? There’s almost zero chance of that happening. These are E-level felonies, the lowest possible in the New York system. While there is an allowance for jail time, that rarely happens. Probation, public service, and house arrest are the most common sentences handed down in this type of case. Because the Orange Felon is a former president and thereby entitled to Secret Service protection for the rest of his life, any jail time would present a considerable burden on both the Secret Service and the prison system. As salacious as jail time would be, I don’t see the judge making that decision.

Now, I need to get my day started. Ya’ll sit around here and fuss all you want.

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Morning Update: 05/30/24

May 30, 2024

No worries, I’m fine. No severe sugar drop. The doctor has revised the prescription a little bit so that hopefully those wild ups and downs won’t occur. Even last night’s after-dinner measurement was a reasonable 135, which is still high but only by about 15 points. We’ll get there and get things back to normal soon enough, I’m sure.

I’m still pissed about all the censorship going on around town. You’ll find my latest opinion in last night’s post. I seriously fail to understand why anyone would think that it’s their job, their responsibility, or even any of their fucking business to police what consenting adults do, anywhere, any time, for any reason. They don’t seem to mind ruining people’s lives, jeopardizing their jobs, threatening relationships, and denying basic human dignity. Then, they want to run and hide behind some form of religious mythology that, by any reasonable account, is a piece of trash.

Oh, that reminds me, those bastions of ministerial abuse, the Southern Baptist Convention, has their annual convention in Indy again, June 9-12. This is at least the third time in the past 20 years that they’ve brought their special brand of bigotry, hate-filled love, self-righteousness, pretentiousness, and really bad tipping to the Circle City. There is no upside to them being here. Businesses don’t profit because these tightwads don’t buy much and complain about it when they do. And you want to know what’s high on their agenda? Whether or not they want to acknowledge all the fucking abuse committed by Southern Baptist ministers. Just yesterday, Nashville’s paper of record, The Tennessean, published a second article on their attempt to deny what’s happening, “Second SBC pastor implicated in ‘conspiracy’ to destroy evidence in federal abuse inquiry.” That’s how hard these fools are trying to cover their tracks. Dear Indianapolis Convention & Tourism: Please do not invite these religious terrorists back to our city ever again. We don’t need to be assaulted by people who apparently believe that spreading their seed is sharing love. Gag. We have enough trouble downtown without inviting a bunch of serial rapists.

We’re still getting unseasonably cool weather and, for the moment, it appears that there’s no rain coming at us until Saturday. I’m watching a slow-moving system coming across the plains, but there doesn’t seem to be enough activity in the jet stream for it to show up here with a lot of power. Maybe we can get the lawn mowed tomorrow.

I slept like crap last night, though. There’s a lot of pain in my wrists and arms, presumably from the fall earlier this week. So, there is definitely a need for naps today.

And, uhm, Google? No, I don’t need any help writing, thank you. It’s one of the few things I do well. STOP ASKING.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / Personal

Morning Update: 05/29/24

May 29, 2024

Bored [2012 original with AI background]

Here it is the 29th of May and I’m reaching for a jacket as I take the dogs out. The temperature outside is 55 degrees after a surprisingly powerful storm moved through the area around 10:00 last night. I had been watching the system on radar all day but thought it might well miss us completely. After all, it wasn’t that big and for the most part appeared to be nothing more than a decent rain shower. It was moving quickly enough that I wasn’t worried. I should have zoomed in and taken a closer look. The rain arrived with a force heavy enough to limit visibility to about 25 feet. Wind caused the roof of the carport to sound as though it might come off. Then came the hail; small enough to not be an issue, but loud enough to send Hamilton looking for the protection of a blanket.

This cool front has been nice, though. We went hiking/walking at the park yesterday and after three miles I’d yet to work up a decent sweat. Of course, any perspiration I produce tends to be from humidity, not extreme effort. Tipper and I were walking the perimeter of the park while Kat and G were off on a more challenging trail. They finished their trail and were back to the car before Tipper and I were halfway around the park. Setting speed records was not something to which we aspire. We finished up with a buffalo chicken salad that Kat made for us.

There was a bit of pseudo-drama as one of our younger neighbors was arrested yesterday afternoon. Exactly what the charge(s) might be, I can’t say. She was heard telling officers “I didn’t have a knife,” which may refer to an altercation a couple of weeks ago that saw her ex-boyfriend arrested. All her protesting was to no avail, though, and after roughly 30 minutes of them all standing outside listening to her rebuttal of the charges, while handcuffed, she was taken away. A female roommate called the woman’s mother who showed up, said something I couldn’t hear to the cops, and then called former roommates/boyfriends to “come get your shit because ain’t no one coming in after I lock the front door.”

Yeah, we have really classy neighbors.

Yesterday still felt a lot like a holiday so I was caught off guard when I got a note from my endocrinologist. After considering the up-and-down of my sugar levels this past week, she wants me to try doubling the med, one in the morning, and one at night. There’s a risk here, though. As we’ve seen already, there are times when the meds can drop my sugar momentarily by over 100 points. This can be a bit dangerous. So, I’m not going anywhere today, and possibly not tomorrow, without taking someone with me. We’ll see how everything goes.

A notification came this morning that there are changes coming to my health insurance by July 1, but the letter is extremely confusing. I’m going to need some help making any sense of it. The bottom line is that as long as the chemo is covered, I’ll survive. There are other considerations, though, and I don’t want to make anything worse while trying to make things better. I’m hoping Kat can help translate the letter.

I’m tired. I need to eat. Maybe I’ll do something with pictures later. We’ll see.

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Morning Update: 05/28/2024

May 28, 2024

The World Is A Dumpster Fire [2011 original with AI background]

Everything is running late this morning because of having to deal with an issue of censorship and doxxing on the part of a wannabe replacement for college journalism. They obviously have no real journalistic integrity because what they’re doing in article after article would get them fired at any legitimate newspaper. But hey, that’s not new for religiously-based right-wing nut jobs, is it?

I am sore beyond belief this morning after taking a rather hard tumble yesterday afternoon. We have a baby gate separating the kitchen from the living room so that the dogs don’t get into the trash and aren’t underfoot while someone’s trying to cook. I was leaning on the gate (a no-no) and talking with Kat when the gate fell and I went with it. No bones were broken, thankfully, but skinning your knee when you’re 63 hurts a lot more than when you were three. At least, that’s how it feels. Every bone in my body felt that impact.

Apparently, I’m going to have to limit my diet to proteins only. Everything else is either making me ill or causing my sugar to go crazy. Yesterday morning, my sugar was at 105, which is on the high end of being okay. When I took it again an hour after eating dinner (pizza), it was 237! I think that may be the largest single-day jump I’ve ever had, and that’s with taking my meds at noon. We’ll continue to try different combinations, short of starving myself, and see what we can do to get the glucose down to a reasonable level, but damn, why can’t this involve more cherry pie and less pain and suffering?

There’s been talk over the past 24 hours about us possibly taking a family hike this morning. I don’t know if it’s actually happening, though. I’ve not seen G emerge from his bedroom yet. Tipper’s not too excited about being out in nature, either. We all could use the exercise, to be sure. Walking around the house in circles is the kind of thing that triggers my not-so-latent insanity. Maybe a good hike would work the soreness out of my bones.

What I know I don’t need is anyone else pissing me off this morning. High blood pressure does not work well with the cancer. That means I need to stay away from news headlines this morning because there was more egregious nonsense committed yesterday, especially in North Carolina than should ever happen anywhere on any day. That it happened on Memorial Day is inexcusable and, to any reasonable mind, would disqualify a whole host of people from holding office. That’s not the way nut jobs think, though, and so help me, they’re proliferating at a rate that would make rabbits jealous.

But we’re not talking about that. Nope. Not gonna say a word. Biting my tongue. Hard.

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Morning Update: 05/27/24

May 27, 2024

The morning after [2014 original with AI background]

Looking out the window this morning, the neighborhood looks so quiet and serene as to almost feel lonely. It’s difficult to believe that less than ten hours ago there were over 100,000 people in our neighborhood alone. Many things made this year’s race unique, from the midday evacuation to massive crowds, early departures because of storm #1, people camping in neighborhood yards, and those already drunk coming into the race. This was definitely one for the books and I’m not sure we want to repeat all of it.

As of midnight last night, when the second round of rain started, there were still hundreds of cars waiting to get out of the North 40 and the neighborhood. I’m not sure who was in charge of traffic on 30th Street, but they blew it. With both of the North 40 gates open, one should have had cars turning left (West) and the other turning right (East). That didn’t happen. Cars coming out of the main West gate were allowed to turn right. That immediately gridlocked with those trying to exit the East gate, which, in turn, backed up traffic coming out of the neighborhoods. How much of a factor darkness was in the mess, I don’t know. The rain showing up certainly didn’t help matters any. I’m sure officials will take a look at what went wrong. I’m also sure they will come up with the worst solution possible.

I’m glad I hadn’t planned on taking pictures at the end of the race for a number of factors. First, it was too dark. The skies were already gray as the second storm system approached and the sun was lower in the sky. I would have needed to use a flash and it still wouldn’t have yielded great pictures. Second, there wasn’t the sense of happiness and fun that we usually see after the race. Instead, there was a sense of urgency for everyone to get to their cars and get on the road before the rain started again. There were fewer smiles, more arguments between couples, and no one seemed to be in a celebratory mood. If anything, the feeling was closer to, “I’m glad that mess is over,” despite the fact that everyone I talked to said they enjoyed the race. The looks on their faces didn’t match their words.

I will say we noticed fewer drunk young people this year and more completely wasted over 40 adults. More grown-ass people were falling down in the middle of the intersection yesterday than any of the past 12 races I can remember. Be aware that when you pull a stunt like that, everyone sees you, everyone judges you, and most of us are happy not to know you. You’re embarrassing.

We saw more little ones going to their first race, including a number of babies under six months old. I get the desire for creating family traditions from birth to the grave. That’s one of the things I like about the race. Every year, I talk with someone who has been to every race since … whenever. And while the race really isn’t designed to accommodate those who are very young, they’re your kids and if you want to put up with the tired whining and needing a nap right about the time the race normally starts, that’s on you. However, if you’re going to take any child under 16 or so, please make sure you have ear protection for them! Of all the little ones we saw, only half were carrying any ear protection. I’m hoping I just didn’t see it for the others. The noise of the race is far too loud for little ears.

Talking with Lionel at Fat Cat BBQ around 11:00 yesterday, he was in a panic. It wasn’t noon yet and he was almost out of food! Yesterday’s crowd came hungry and ready to eat! This was ultimately a good thing. Lionel’s wife of 20+ years is battling stage four breast cancer and treatments aren’t offering much help. There are options, but they’re expensive. Giving Lionel one of the financially best days he’s had all year really helps. Thank you to everyone who patronized some of the local food vendors yesterday, and thank you, Lionel, for some absolutely wonderful rib tips!

We parked our first car around 5:30 yesterday morning, a man from Ontario traveling alone. I enjoy our conversations with the people who park in our yard. A retired couple from Colorado Springs, attending their first race, were especially delightful and kept Tipper busy with conversation for the bulk of the morning. One of the things I heard multiple times, though, was people from all over the country who are worried about how angry everyone seems to be right now. Understand that these are not partisan views. Politics was never the subject. There are a lot of people who feel that the general population is more angry than ever and these people are concerned that no one is addressing the why, or even asking the right questions. This is definitely a topic worth exploring later.

The day went better than I had expected. When I first woke up at 3:30 yesterday morning, I did not want to get out of bed. Everything hurt. My bones, my muscles, my head, and even my fingers were in pain. Going outside and being friendly with complete strangers did not seem like a good idea. A couple of cups of coffee later, though, we were ready to go. I’m glad our spaces filled early. By 8:30, I didn’t need to bother with trying to flag people down before one of our neighbors snagged them. That gave us more time to visit and talk with all the people who came to the race, and they’re always talkative. They love telling about previous trips to the race, their traditions, and who they’re rooting for. The looks of excitement on their faces, despite the early hours, are enjoyable.

We did get a couple of naps in, one during the first storm and another short one during the race. That helped us be able to stay up and keep impatient people from driving across our lawn as they searched for a faster way out. Checking my sugar level around 9:30 last night, I was pleased that it was all the way down to 105. That might be because the only thing I had to eat yesterday was a healthy serving of Fat Cat’s rib tips. I certainly don’t expect my fasting level to be that low this morning.

I’m not sure my body could handle a day like yesterday more than once a year. The experience is exhausting. I enjoyed yesterday more than many previous races, though. The weather uncertainty put a different twist on the experience. I wouldn’t want to have that delay very often. We certainly don’t need to repeat last night’s traffic debacle. But keeping this different adds to the excitement of the day. I hope everyone had a good time.

I just wonder why our friends never park with us? Hmmmm …

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Morning Update: 05/26/24

May 26, 2024

IT’S RACE DAY IN INDY!

The long-awaited (seemingly) 108th running of the Indianapolis 500 is here. I’ve been up since a little before 4:00 AM and even at that early hour cars were already streaming into the North 40. If you were looking for curbside parking in the neighborhood, forget it. People decided to camp out in their cars this year. In fact, we have more camping in the neighborhood this year than anyone can remember. That means there was plenty of partying well into the night. Sadly, there was also plenty of gunfire, which is always a bit disturbing.

I’ve not gotten a weather update since 4:00 yesterday afternoon. Looking at the radar, though, that first set of storms is just West of St. Louis currently (ya’ll hang tight over there). That should put the system here most likely around noon. The race is scheduled to begin at 12:45 PM, but at the moment that seems unlikely. Honestly, at this point, everything is kind of a wait-and-see situation. It’s still early and the system is still likely gathering moisture from the gulf. There could still be changes, which is why I don’t expect to hear any adjustments to the forecast from NWS until after 6:00. This system is going to carry severe winds, possibly in excess of 70 mph, rambunctious lightning, and the possibility of hail.

Anticipating rain, IMS brought in extra heaters from NASCAR to help dry the track as quickly as possible. The first system is moving quickly, so the race could, potentially, still be on as early as 2:00. We’re anticipating a clear break of 3.5 hours which should be plenty of time to get an “official” race completed. That doesn’t mean they’ll run a full 200 laps, mind you, and that’s also assuming that they run a clean race with no severe wrecks and few yellow flags. If drivers get sloppy, that could impact whether they finish the race before the second round of storms show up.

When the second round does arrive, anywhere between 5-8 depending on a number of factors, it is going to be a doozy. Chances for tornados on the outskirts of the city, such as around Kokomo and Lafayette to the North, and Spencer and Bloomington to the South, are severe enough that our friends in those areas really need to stay alert. This system is going to pack a wallop and deliver a lot of water. If it arrives before the race is over, we’re encouraging people who do not live locally to hang tight and stay sheltered until the worst of the storm passes.

Is all this over-hype? Possibly. There’s always the chance that we warn of the worst and nothing severe happens. But, I’d rather my friends be prepared than caught by surprise. If you don’t have emergency alerts turned on, grab your phone and do so right now. They’re under Settings>Notifications, or something similar.

As for me, the chemo is kicking my ass this morning, the arthritis is flaring like a mofo, and my glucose level after dinner last night was 165, only a four-point difference from the morning. There’s no hiding in bed this morning. We have to be out taking care of parking and such or it doesn’t get done. Tipper has volunteered to be outside with me a bit. She’s wanting to wear her furry head, so we’ll see how that goes. G is going to take care of things inside, keeping the dogs from going nuts. We have a plan. That doesn’t mean everything will go smoothly, but we’ll do our best.

I wish Kat was here.

No, we’re not talking about last night’s Pacers game. Ugh.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / News & Comment / Personal / Status / Tips

Morning Update with race info: 05/25/24

May 25, 2024

Ready For The Party [2015 original with AI background]

Strap in, there is a lot of information to share here. I might have been more prudent to put all this into two separate posts, but I’ve too much to do this morning before I wear out. Let’s start with the most critical issue: tomorrow’s weather. The question is not whether it will rain, the question is whether you’ll get struck by lightning if you’re muddy in the Snake Pit. As of 0600 EDT this morning, the National Weather Service in Indianapolis is saying to expect multiple rounds of severe weather on Sunday. They’re not even bothering to talk about timing because that’s too imprecise a factor. The front generating these storms is unstable and the timing and severity is going to depend on how quickly the surface temperature changes. This is not likely to be a quiet day.

Here’s the map that was issued this morning:

Wind and lightning are the biggest risks with any of these storm cells moving through. IMS has different safety plans depending on a number of weather factors. IF YOU HAVE TICKETS FOR THE GRANDSTANDS, know that you may not get to sit in them a lot. The grandstands will be evacuated in the event of lightning and/or severe winds. If your tickets are for the infield, there’s really not a lot you can do. The Snake Pit stage will be shut down and everyone will be advised to “seek the nearest covered shelter.” However, there simply is not enough “covered shelter” to protect 350,000+ fans.

Race officials are bound and determined to get as much of the race in tomorrow as possible, but that could mean large breaks with severe delays. It is almost certain that this will not be a contiguous 500-mile race. In fact, I don’t recall a race forecast for weather this severe anytime in recent memory. Should the weather get really funky, we may see IMS management making decisions on the fly. Be ready for anything.

What does all this mean for spectators? Bring an umbrella. And sunscreen. Also, make sure you have transportation! I was a little disturbed yesterday afternoon by the number of people who came out of the concert (which was called on account of lightning) and didn’t have a ride home. These were almost exclusively younger adults who didn’t think far enough ahead. PLEASE do not rely on rideshare options! The nearest rideshare pickup is over a mile away from the track, over on Lafayette Rd. Rideshare drivers cannot get into our neighborhood or anywhere else on 30th, 25th, or 16th streets. Having your own transportation is going to be the safest and most reliable option, even if parking costs a little more. You’ll also want to limit the alcohol so that you can respond quickly and safely if the weather gets particularly nasty.

I realize that for some people, this is really harshing your buzz. I’m sorry. Maybe we’ll get lucky and all we’ll get is a little rain. Don’t bet on that, though. NWS rarely raises our storm forecast to level 3. We have to take this seriously.

Okay, on to more personal things. I started my new diabetes meds yesterday and the impact was almost immediate. I’m now taking Glipizide. I took the first dose at about 2:00 yesterday afternoon. The result? My sugar went from 224 to 137! Sounds good, right? But then, my fasting measurement at 7:15 this morning was back up to 161. So, I’m not sure exactly what to think. I’m going to try taking the pill after breakfast this morning and see what difference that makes in the numbers.

I’m still feeling quite anxious about the whole sugar thing and will be extremely careful about what I eat/drink during the day. We’ve got plenty to do around the house today to keep my mind somewhat occupied, and I’m not opposed to taking multiple naps. There’s a Gang of Six napping on the bed now, but I can make room for myself whenever I wish. There’s also a lot of laundry to be done. Today needs to be chill so that we’re rested and ready for whatever gets thrown at us tomorrow.

If you’re planning on parking in the neighborhoods surrounding the track tomorrow, please take a moment to read this and perhaps share it with anyone else who is likely to be looking for parking. I estimate that, depending on the size of the vehicles, I have about seven spots available for $20 a piece. Some of the yards near me are already full with reservations. I’m not interested in being out a long time, so the sooner we can fill up and I can go back inside, the better.

It was good to see some friends we’d not seen in a long time yesterday. The people watching is one of the few things that makes the race tolerable. Traffic, of course, drives me up a wall every year. We had a number of speed demons blow past the stop sign yesterday. Our neighbors and I have already concluded that the first time we see it happen on Sunday, we’re taking license numbers and calling the police. There are too many people out here for idiots to drive like they’re going to challenge one of the drivers for their seat. We want everyone to be safe and have a good time. That can’t happen if some knucklehead is showing off in their truck.

This year feels different than previous years. I won’t be taking pictures. I will be more concerned about keeping everyone safe. I’ll be outside, ready to go, at 6:00 AM. We hope to see you!

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / Personal / Status

Morning Update: 05/24/24

May 24, 2024

What’s All The Commotion? [2013, reprocessed]

Fog covers the ground across the North 40 as fans are already anxiously arriving for Carb Day. We’re expecting perhaps a more rambunctious crowd this year than recent years have had. The neighborhood’s noise and traffic last night were ramped up and ready for action. Security has said they’re opening both sets of gates off 30th Street to ease the flow of traffic in/out of the North 40. Cars are already beginning to arrive but I don’t see any signs of severe delays just yet. The track should stay dry until after the concert with George Thorogood & The Destroyers. Click here for our post on parking etiquette.

G overslept and is missing the last day of school. He assures me that it’s no big deal, that nothing was planned for the day. He’s missed the bus so I guess he’s staying home and helping clean.

Tipper and I made another three-mile walk yesterday. These are taking about two hours, which is a bit slow, but at least we’re getting out and getting some exercise. I’m not sure we’ll go anywhere today, though. As rambunctious as last night was, I’m feeling the need to be a bit protective of the yard today.

My blood sugar was 368 an hour after eating last night. No, I don’t know why other than the fact that my pancreas is less than reliable now. Hopefully, I can get started on the new meds today. Numbers like that scare me. I’m anxious to see what my fasting number is this morning, but since dinner was so late last night I can’t check that until after 8:00 this morning. The fact that my pancreas is in danger of completely failing has me afraid to eat much of anything. Protein and fiber are the only things on the menu today.

There’s still some minor lawn work to do so I need to get my ass moving and get things done. Please, be safe.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update

Morning Update: 05/23/24

May 23, 2024

All About The Pup [2012 original with AI enhancements]

Walking is making a difference in my afternoons. I’m sleeping through the whole thing and barely waking up enough to eat dinner. On the upside, they make for wonderful father/daughter conversations with Tipper. We talk about all sorts of things such as whether the berries on that tree are safe to eat and how inexcusable it is for people to litter by the railroad tracks. We got in 2.5 miles yesterday and I’m hoping for about the same today, just in a different direction. I want to think that the exercise is doing me good even though I’m not feeling it at the moment.

Kat and G got in a strenuous four-mile hike at the park yesterday afternoon. They can do the uphill and climbing things that Tipper and I can’t do. They also move at a considerably faster pace than I do. Maybe we’ll all come out of the summer feeling a lot better.

That is, assuming we can get my prescriptions filled. The pharmacy my insurance company said to use told Kat quite dismissively “We don’t accept that insurance.” Okay. I messaged my doctor and she sent the script to a different place that’s not nearly as convenient and certainly isn’t within walking distance (sorry, I’m not up to an 8-mile walk). Unfortunately, that puts one more thing on Kat’s already overflowing plate.

Here’s an interesting news story this morning: Keystone Group says 87 burials have been found over six acres of the former Diamond Chain site. A better headline would have been that 87 graves are being moved to another cemetery. What happened is that way back in 1820, a cemetery was designated within a four-acre plot just South and a little West of the city center. By 1860, that cemetery was full. Those who could afford to moved their loved one’s remains to the newly created Crown Hill cemetery further to the West. The rest were covered up and left there. Over the years, slaughterhouses and a bunch of other stuff occupied the land, and then Diamond Chain came along and dominated the sight. The buildings gave the city a strong industrial look back when that type of thing was important.

They had one problem, though: the place was freaking haunted. Gee, I wonder why. Whether you believe in such things or not, I know that the security company hired to watch the place at night couldn’t keep the three-person staff filled. The average longevity of night guards was less than three days. Reports of encounters were frequent. My guess is that anyone walking in that area is even more likely to have an experience now that the graves have been disturbed again. There are far more than 87 graves that need to be moved, but the city says that costs for doing so would exceed 12 million dollars. There’s also the fact that the city appears to be renigging on a multi-million dollar development deal for the site, but that’s a totally different story.

Weather for Sunday is still looking wet. If you’re coming to the race at all, you’re going to want to bring an umbrella along with everything else people cart in and out of there. The Snake Pit is definitely going to be a muddy mess. A heavy round of rain looks to arrive mid-morning which may put a damper on some of the formalities, but they should be out by noon, giving officials time to dry the track. The question is still there for mid-afternoon rain which could be heavier. At the very least, it’s not unreasonable to expect a delayed start and possibly the need to finish the race on Monday. Yes, you can park here both days. Yes, it is going to cost you both days. Have you seen how much food a teenager consumes?

Are we ready for today? No. Are we doing it anyway? Yes.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / Personal

Morning Update (finally): 05/22/24

May 22, 2024

Finally, we have internet service back! It’s been a long week without it and we are thankful that I can communicate with everyone in a timely manner once again. It has not been any great delight not being able to read the news, check on friends, or use necessary apps like MyChart and any form of mobile banking. I accidentally double-tipped one of my Lyft drivers on Monday because I couldn’t see whether the first tip had gone through or not! I hate to think what chaos would have descended if we had a smart home!

Good news and bad news on the health front. My white blood cell count is 6.6, which is right smack in the middle of the healthy range. We still have to take chemo meds until next March, but as long as there are no hiccups between now and then, we shouldn’t need any additional treatment afterward. The persistent fatigue may be a permanent feature, though. On the downside, my A1c is 11.7! If you understand how the pancreas works with insulin, you know that any over 10 means it has pretty much thrown up its hands and gone home. This is critical. Metformin, which I’ve taken for six years, now makes me terribly sick, so that’s no longer an option. Most other diabetic meds don’t work if your A1c is over 10. We’ve one med left to try, but goddammit, the pharmacy that the insurance company said to use won’t take my insurance. So, I still don’t have the meds. The batteries went out on my glucose meter as well, so I have to get those replaced. If this med doesn’t work, the next step is insulin shots.

Tipper graduated from middle school last Friday. Her biggest joy was not seeing most of her classmates again. Ever. Her boyfriend, Gio, is one of only two other people going to the same high school as she is next fall, so for the majority of her classmates this was a final farewell. No sad eyes there. There were some tears among some favorite teachers. One gave her flowers, another a sweet card. What was perhaps telling, though, is that the one teacher who had been with at the school all nine years, teaching them in kindergarten and first grade and then eventually moving into administration, is leaving education entirely. She said she’s not sure what direction she’s going to go, but it’s definitely not education. Sadly, there are a lot of teachers making the same decision.

We’re all making an effort to get in more exercise this summer. Kat, G, and I went on what was supposed to be a three-mile hike on Sunday, and for G it was exactly that. He ran on ahead of us and “parkoured” his way around the muddy and swampy areas. Neither Kat nor I are exactly the parkour types, so we attempted to go around the muddy areas and that’s when we got lost. We thought for certain that the trail had to be “right up there,” but it never was. We ended up having to backtrack and still go through the mud. I also had a problem with some fallen trees. One was just too high, caught the toe of my boot, and sent me face-first to the ground. I’m tempted to say, “See, this is what happens when you try to exercise out in nature. Nature fights back.”

Since Monday was consumed with doctor visits, there was no additional walking. Yesterday, however, when I discovered that the batteries on my glucose meter were dead, Tipper and I walked the mile in each direction to the nearest convenience store looking for replacements. Had we come straight home, that would have been two miles, right? But Tipper wanted to show me a place on the bus route where a tree had fallen on a house. That added an extra mile. Within the 90 minutes that we were gone, the outdoor temperature went from 69 to 82 with plenty of humidity. Even with drinks in hand, we were both exhausted by the time we got home. We’ll make a slightly longer walk to a Dollar General this morning, so that will be another 2.5 miles. It’s cloudy and cooler today, but the humidity is still daunting.

I guess storms kinda moved through the area last night. They had pretty much run out of steam by the time they got here. It was a lot of wind and thunder but very little rain. There remains a limited chance of isolated showers this afternoon, perhaps more on Friday, making a mess of Carb Day at the track. Of course, what everyone is watching is a line of storms that could arrive Sunday afternoon, washing out the race. The track has uncanny luck about that sort of thing, though, so the best bet is that enough of the race gets in for it to be counted as complete.

There are a number of issues I need to catch up on this morning. Be on the lookout for additional posts later today. There are some people out there who are doing us all dirty, and I’m guessing the global IQ has probably fallen below 70 based on the way our politicians are behaving.

Thank you for hanging in there with us!

Morning Update / Personal / Status

Morning Update: 05/16/24

May 16, 2024

Night Dreams [ 2011 original with AI background]

This morning’s update needs to be compact. Today is Tipper’s “Match Day” at school, were 8th graders are “matched” with the high school’s they’ll attend in the fall. In Tipper’s case, she already knows that she’s attending Purdue Polytechnic High School’s Englewood Campus. She has, for now, opted for the main campus rather than the micro-school that G is attending. She’s not only excited about going to a new school, but moving away from classmates who’ve been disruptive and disturbing. She’s ready for a new start.

Kat can’t be there because she needs to be at the salon. The reality is that Match Day isn’t that big a deal. This isn’t a bunch of athletes hoping to go to college. Tipper needs some support, though, so I’ll Uber over to the school, watch the brief ceremony, then Uber back. Thankfully, the school is close. But that means I need to take a shower and be publicly presentable and that is not a deed that is performed quickly.

There is a new, long scratch down my forearm this morning. I have no idea how it got there, Belvedere was my closest sleep partner so it doesn’t seem likely that this is a cat scratch. Still, I’m mystified because normally anything like that would wake me up. I’m hopeful that we have a few days of clear weather so that I can get to feeling back to normal.

Today is G’s last full day of school. He feels confident about the biology final he took yesterday. He’s off tomorrow and then only has abbreviated days Monday-Thursday next week. The schedule is convenient since Memorial Day and therefore Race Day are early this year. He’ll be off and running with this summer schedule he’s created for himself.

We’re transitioning away from having “kids.” I’m not sure I’m ready to let go.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / Personal / Status

Morning Update: 05/15/24

May 15, 2024

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAT!!

Today is Kat’s 39th birthday so that’s by far the most important thing you need to know about today. Of course, we celebrated with her on Sunday. Yesterday, Brandon took her to the rifle range and she shot her AR15 for the first time. The Marine training kicked in and she put in some impressively tight groupings. She wants to fine-tune the front sight a bit, but other than that it’s ready for might justify its use. She also tried out her dad’s Sig p250 compact, which she may carry with her in certain situations. Bottom line: think twice before messing with her, but by all means wish her a happy birthday!

How was my day yesterday? What do you think? It rained. And rained. And it’s still raining. There was no comfort, no rest, and no breaks in the action. I’m not sure there are enough pain meds on the planet to deal with where we’re at currently. On a scale of ten, we’re at 50. There’s nothing we can do, though, but deal with it and that’s what we’re doing, trying to minimize movement and avoid wrestling with the dogs.

Of course, on days like this, nothing goes quite as planned. I have been out of ice tea mix for a while and finally found it in stock leading me to order it and a few other things. Not a huge order, just enough to fill some gaps. When they finally showed up more than two hours later, the shopper had trouble finding the order in his very full car. He hands me three bags and takes off. I take the bags and guess what’s not there: NO ICE TEA MIX! Four other things were missing as well. I contacted support and a few minutes later I got a text from the driver that he was bringing the missing items back, “right now.” Not knowing how long “right now” might take, I grab an umbrella and go stand under the tree, in the rain, waiting another thirty minutes before he showed up. I was happy to at least have the tea but my bones refused to cooperate at all the rest of the morning.

Next up: a 2:00 PM phone interview with FSSA regarding getting back on Medicaid. I was told to be ready at 2, but to expect that the call might be delayed as much as 30 minutes. So, I had all my information gathered in advance and at 1:50 thought that I should go ahead and use the bathroom now so that I don’t have to during the call. Care to guess who called early, while I was in the bathroom? Yeah, it was the interview. I was happy that no one else was home at the time! Fortunately, the call only took a few minutes since all my social security info was already in the system. I was able to get back to the bathroom before things got messy.

I tried napping afterward, but there was no relaxing no matter how tired I felt. I got up, worked on a new video I’ll post later, gave Pinball some required snuggles, fixed dinner, and waited in vain for my body to relax enough to go to bed. When I finally decided to try, though, I looked over and there were seven cats and both dogs filling my bed. There’s no moving the dogs when they’re asleep; they’re dead weight and immovable. Yeah, I can move the cats, but when you move a sleeping cat you have to act fast. If you haven’t filled that space in two seconds, they take it back. You can’t succeed with seven cats. Plus, Queen Bit was one of the cats. Attempting to move her puts your skin at risk of scratches that leave scars. I finally decided to go sleep in the recliner. Pinball joined me and we snuggled down for a nap that was only occasionally interrupted.

G and I were both up at 5, which is an hour earlier than most days. I fed everyone, made coffee, and then chatted with G while he told me about his dreams and what he wants to do with the rest of his life. He’s dreaming big and I’m excited for him. Tipper was up by 6, complaining that her brother was too loud. There was plenty of time to play with animals, all of whom were happy for the attention, and both were looking forward to having good days when they left.

And now, I have to figure out some way of dealing with this pain for the second day in a row. There aren’t many options. The dogs are both back to sleep. The cats are wandering around, deciding where they want to nap. I need to post that video in a bit.

This is the life we’re living. It is what it is.

Current Issues / Morning Update / News & Comment / Personal / Social Commentary

Morning Update: 05/14/24

May 14, 2024

Saddle up and ride [2011 original with AI background]

There really is nothing to share about yesterday. The kids went to school. Kat went to work. I went back to bed and stayed there. The most exciting part of the day was the delivery of more cat litter. Most Mondays seem to be this way anymore, especially if we’ve done anything outside the house on Sunday. My body doesn’t seem interested in being active two days in a row. The dogs don’t seem interested in being active on Mondays, either.

It was another violent weekend in Indy and I’m concerned that violence will only increase as it gets warmer. Consider, here are just a few of the local headlines I’m looking at this morning:

There are times I feel as though we’re living in a bad episode of some police procedural television show. Gunning down victims in the street, calling SWAT to a dispute between neighbors, and someone shot to death while sitting in their pickup? Who the fuck does that in real life? Are these cases of, “Oh, I just happen to have this gun handy so I think I’ll use it?” Or is it more “I don’t have any idea how to resolve this conflict so I’m just gonna shoot somebody?” Maybe it’s a case of “I don’t feel that I have any control over the circumstances in my life, so I’m going to make sure someone pays attention to me.”

Overall, nationwide, violent crime has decreased since 2020. Cities significantly larger than Indy have seen violent crime plunge significantly. In cities such as Indy where violence continues to increase, the causes seem to come down to three significant issues:

Economics
Insufficient policing (largely due to low recruiting numbers)
Education

We can look at these issues because we have data showing the relationship of cause/effect. What we don’t look at, though, is who is behind those causes. Numbers don’t solve problems, people do. If economics is a primary issue in increasing violence, the question needs to be WHO is responsible for that? I can tell you now it’s not a politician. Instead, look at the head of major corporations and retailers in a city. Where are they located? Who are they hiring? How much are they paying? Who is being left out? Start addressing these problems and the economics issue goes away.

The same can be said for education. Why are teachers quitting in frustration? Why are some schools limited in how they can teach while others get to explore new and innovative methods? Why the hell are people with absolutely zero experience in a classroom telling masters-level educators how to teach? Why are students in certain economic zones not getting all the opportunities as students from other areas of town? All these things (and a lot more) factor into failing schools, high drop-out rates, and a large sense of desperation among those who don’t manage to thrive within the system.

Why are some cities unable to recruit new officers? I don’t have information to argue that one. Theoretically, out-of-date policing procedures, low pay, lack of basic safety programs, and insufficient training are what gets called out first. That doesn’t mean those are the only problems. I’m sure there are some who will never consider police work because of its traditional stance against people of color. Complaints of abuse within the ranks are part of what’s keeping more women from both police forces and the military. At the baseline, though, the problems are internal and we have to hold the leaders of those departments responsible for making the necessary changes to both methods and culture.

Brandon’s taking Kat to the rifle range today for her birthday. Kat’s taking her AR15 out for the first time. Her dad gave her the gun when she graduated boot camp and it’s never been fired. She never felt that there was any need or reason to do so. We haven’t even had any ammo for it. But now? I’m glad they’re going. I’m glad she’ll have a response in case things go awry in the neighborhood, and there’s no good reason to think they won’t.

We, you and I, created these problems because we’d rather rally around shallow slogans with no real meaning or understanding the issues, because we try holding politicians responsible for problems that are caused elsewhere, and because, more than anything, all we do is complain rather than become involved in a solution. We are responsible for the society we’ve created. This didn’t happen out of the blue. Aliens are not responsible for this mess. You are. I am. And we’re the only ones who can fix it.

Holidays / Morning Update / Personal / Status

Morning Update: 05/13/24

May 13, 2024

Yesterday was probably the most calm and peaceful day we’ve had in quite a while. I don’t know if it had something to do with the 47 degrees that woke us up or that neither child was medicated, but they spent the morning jointly attempting to clean Tipper’s room. While they didn’t get it done, and a lot of the things removed from the floor were eventually sent back there, they did find several of the forks that had been missing and they did it without yelling and screaming at each other. I’ll take that as a win.

One of the annual challenges we have with Mother’s Day is its inevitable proximity to Kat’s birthday on the 15th. For most people in her family, a birthday means a family dinner, but that rarely happens (I think it’s happened twice in the past 11 years). This year, Kat decided to take matters into her own hands and planned out her schedule for the week. The kids and I celebrated both Mother’s Day and her birthday yesterday. We got original Mexican food to go (easy to do in this neighborhood) and then went to the park. Of course, the park was busy, but we found a lone table sitting in tall grass and that was more than acceptable for us. We then went to the Ornithology Center to look at the birds, momentarily checked out the open mic (yeah, really), and then Kat picked out three new trees to plant in the yard. Everyone was tired but happy, so again, that counts as a win.

Once we were back home, Kat got the shovels out and the kids helped her plant the trees. Whether they’ll survive remains to be seen. I can tell one needs to be watered this morning. We’re all hopeful, though. I continued sitting out in the yard with the pups and by the time I went in everyone was ready for bed. In fact, G may have already been asleep. All around, it was a good day. Kat will continue having birthday-related events with her friends for the rest of the week, so if you see her, be sure to wish her a happy 39!

This is the last week of school for both kids. Tipper is especially excited as she’s quite ready to put middle school and Enlace Academy behind her. I think that’s normal for any 8th grader who is graduating. They’re ready to get on with life and the exciting world of high school. She’s seen the school undergo a lot of changes since she started there in kindergarten. Some friends have come and gone. Perhaps the biggest goodbye, though, will be to Ms. Theresa, her bus driver. Ms. Theresa has been the one constant across the years and she’s seen Tipper grow and mature in some fantastic ways. When we say goodbye to her on Friday, there may be some tears shed.

I had to ask G if he heard me snoring more than usual this morning. He says he didn’t hear any snoring at all and I’m a bit surprised. The content of my last-minute dream was typically ridiculous: I was driving a semi with squishy brakes and stopped to play golf at an indoor golf course where the late George Younce, bass singer for the Cathedrals quartet, was in charge. I don’t play golf unless the balls are fun colors, so the whole premise was just strange. The troubling part was the feeling that I couldn’t exhale. I could inhale just fine, but I wasn’t able to exhale. I woke up gasping for breath and I’m still puzzled as to what was actually going on. I know I feel more exhausted than usual and probably won’t waste any time going back to bed. The whole experience was strange.

The upside is that there was no new soul-crushing news when I woke up. I’m sure that will come later. The weather forecast shows chances of rain pretty much every day this week, so that could be interesting. Hopefully, we won’t have a thunderstorm right as graduation is letting out as we did with G’s graduation last year.

But for now, it’s breakfast and back to bed.

Current Issues / Morning Update / Personal / Social Commentary

Morning Update: 05/11/24

May 11, 2024

IndyCar driver Simon Pagenaud [2014 original with AI background to avoid licensing issues]

Once upon a time, absolutely nothing happened on the track at IMS before 8:00 AM. That is no longer the case. The first set of cars was off and running at 7:30 this morning. I hadn’t planned on being awake at 7:30. I had intentionally turned off my alarm for this morning in the hope we could sleep. You see, the animals respond to my schedule. They know I feed them, so they don’t start raising a fuss until they see I’m up. So, if we all want to sleep late, I have to stay in bed. But no, that didn’t happen this morning.

Then, we discovered that the bacon was missing from the kitchen. Kat pre-cooked a pound of bacon yesterday so we’d have it to go with meals. All of it, including the plate it was on, has disappeared. I know the dogs didn’t get it because they stayed right next to me all day. The cats might have tried nabbing it, but they wouldn’t have taken the damn plate. I’m sure whatever happened to it is my fault because it was there when Kat left for work yesterday. I’ll have to buy more to replace it.

There’s not much else that happened yesterday. I made dinner. The kids were unusually interactive (and loud). I tried to control my anger over the absolute insanity showing up in my newsfeed. Did you know that Fox News actually thinks that religion promotes strong mental health? That flies in the face of studies like this one, this one, and this one showing that believing in a vengeful, punishing deity has negative effects that lead to depression, suicide, and violent tendencies.

We posted this video yesterday, but since only three people have seen it, let me post it again. Take the message to heart:

I am deeply saddened when I see people I’ve liked in the past posting some of the most transphobic nonsense. When I see someone posting blatantly incorrect information about Israel, Gaza, Ukraine, or Sudan, I question whether there’s a disconnect in their cerebral cortex. There is no room on the planet for bigotry. Ignorance cannot continue to be tolerated.

But who’s listening? Who cares? Perhaps, no one.

Current Issues / Morning Update / News & Comment / Personal / Politics / pop culture / Social Commentary

Morning Update: 05/10/24

May 10, 2024

If All The World Were A Beach [2011 original with AI background]

Today is the first official day of practice and qualifying open to the public at IMS. I’d tell you to not bother going and instead spend your money somewhere more deserving, and it bothers me when you don’t listen. Qualifying this afternoon is for tomorrow’s Sonsio Grand Prix. Who the hell is Sonsio? They’re the people who’ve been trying to reach you about your car/home’s extended warranty. It’s an insurance company and they damn sure don’t need your money. You’d be better off putting your premiums in a passbook savings account. I’m sure around 15,000 people will still be there because they have money to burn and no conscience for the rest of the world. It’s sad, really, how little these people give a shit.

It was 50 degrees when I took the dogs out this morning. Temps are on the low side all weekend and there’s a chance of showers every day, mostly in the evening/overnight. I’m looking at the calendar trying to figure out the best time to mow. Looking at the forecast, Sunday would be the best day, but that’s Mother’s Day and I’d rather the kids not be all sweaty when Kat gets home.

Interested in “eating the rich?” Be aware that there’s a showdown coming as the 2017 tax cuts for the super-wealthy are due to expire. I would tell you to contact your legislators but we all know they don’t pay a damn bit of attention because they know you won’t vote them the fuck out as they deserve. The American public is spineless. These tax cuts shouldn’t have happened in the first place and I don’t see any of you shouting out against them.

Oh, and get this: Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu says he doesn’t give a shit if the US doesn’t send bombs for them to drop on Rafah. They’re going to invade and wipe out the border city anyway. This is how much of a bitch Netanyahu is. He doesn’t care how Israelis feel. He doesn’t care how the world sees the conflict. He’s a power-mad authoritarian who is turning history on its ear by engaging in the same form of atrocities against Palestine as the Germans did against Jews a century ago. Anyone who is not supporting a two-state resolution to Gaza is wrong and you’ll never convince me otherwise.

If there is any question that popular music has gotten worse over the past 50 years, here’s the proof. New research suggests that music since the 80s, including all of Taylor Swift’s eras, has become more negative, angrier, and more simple. Perhaps that’s why older music is still preferred by almost everyone with a brain. Or, it could be due to the fact that the world you’ve created is more negative and angrier and the music is reflective of that. Either way, ’70s music still rocks.

Oh, and just in case you’re buying into the claptrap that Elon Musk and other GOP mouthpieces are spewing, no noncitizens cannot vote in federal elections.

I’m in a mood this morning and coffee alone isn’t going to fix it.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / Personal

Morning Update: 05/09/24

May 9, 2024

What we want to do and what we actually get done are often two different things. Yesterday ended up being a sleep day and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it except make sure I stayed close to the bed. These are the days that ruin my need to get a business back up and running. I need to make contact with people who might want to take pictures, but instead, I end up snuggled between two dogs and five cats as though the world is about to end. Making matters more challenging is the fact that every bone I have is hurting this morning. The forecast shows both cooler temps and continuing showers for the next five days making it likely that I’ll do well to take the dogs out when needed.

I have to remember that we’re getting close to both kids being out of school and that we’re forever saying goodbye to Enlace Academy as Tipper graduates 8th grade. I’ll have to say more about that later as I’m emotionally not ready for that reality. As much as any child complains about school, both kids are better for having gone there.

One good thing about yesterday is that Kat brought home Indian food for dinner and there are leftovers that I’ll largely get to myself as the kids seem to be allergic to eating anything cooked yesterday. I’ve not had Indian food since treatment started so this was a real treat.

There’s really nothing else that immediately affects our daily lives that’s worth talking about. I did get a form yesterday for having a third party able to address my health needs. I’m not sure whether to fill it out or not. I’m not sure I’m ready to give up control.

A young woman a couple of doors North of us kicked her boyfriend to the curb yesterday. It wasn’t pretty. He had to call someone to come get him and she was very vocal in letting him know why he was no longer welcome. His only comeback was to call her a b*tch repeatedly. But then, as his ride is leaving, he threatens to come back and “pop a cap” in her. Then, there were two pops. I don’t *think* they were gunshots. The young woman wasn’t phased. The Latino family across the street from her wasn’t phased and they had babies out playing. Still, knowing that the majority of violence in town is revenge-style stupidity, I’m concerned. We’re easily within range of any stray gunfire.

This is life in America, though. We duck and dodge the trouble our neighbors create and hope we don’t get caught in the crossfire. There’s no solution when a certain part of the population thinks violence is part of their culture, something to which they have a right.

Does anyone want to go get coffee? Maybe that would keep me awake.

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / Personal / Photography / Politics

Morning Update: 05/08/24

May 8, 2024

There were few good moments yesterday as it would rain, then stop, then rain more, then stop, then wind, more rain, a threat of tornadoes, then nothing. My body didn’t have time to adjust too much so it decided to shut down. Our shipment of cat litter arrived before the kids got home so I had to be the one to carry it in. My body didn’t like that. Nausea hit so hard that I had to take a shower and change clothes. Most of the rest of the day was spent in bed or in the bathroom. Fortunately, the kids are good at taking care of themselves, but I actually had a decent dinner planned and couldn’t stand up long enough to fix it.

Tipper had a problem at school yesterday when someone in one of her classes wrote “Fuck [her name]” on one of the tables. Since no one admitted witnessing the act, no one was admonished or punished. Tipper is more than ready to graduate and never see those particular classmates again. Fortunately, she’ll be in a more supportive atmosphere next school year.

Ryn (aka Big Gabe) called yesterday and gave me an update on all the gossip in that part of the family. The biggest impact is that they’ve blocked their grandparents for refusing to recognize them as non-binary. Their grandfather’s 85th birthday is next week and Ryn’s refusing to go, which I totally agree with. The grandparents have been nothing but manipulative their entire life and if they can’t be supportive then no, Ryn has no obligation to associate with them.

The other big news is that I’m attempting to get back into photography. All the why and wherefore are in yesterday’s post. I’m looking for volunteers so I can update my portfolio appropriately. Contact me here or on Facebook. How I’m going to juggle this along with the chemo, I don’t know. To a large degree, it doesn’t matter. Congress isn’t likely to prevent the severe cut in Social Security scheduled for ’33, so I need to take preventative action of my own now, even if it causes further health issues.

Speaking of the dicks in Congress, House Speaker Johnson doesn’t seem to understand how the separation of powers works. Yesterday, he “demanded” that all trials against the former president must stop on grounds that they amount to election interference. Yeah, that’s really the tact they’re taking. Nimwits. That’s not the way the system works. Congress doesn’t get to interfere in ongoing trials. These idiots are power-hungry and severely delusional. Please, vote and replace them all.

The fog this morning is severe. More rain is forecasted for this evening so I’ll need to complete whatever I’m going to do early today. Not that I had much planned, mind you. Feel free to distract me with coffee.

Current Issues / Morning Update / News & Comment / Personal / Politics / Social Commentary

Morning Update: 05/07/24

May 7, 2024

Ouch, my calves hurt. Walking is such a fun challenge. After Sunday’s activities, my body didn’t especially appreciate having to move yesterday. I kept my activity to a minimum, edited some pictures that I may take down later, took the dogs outside as necessary, and did frozen pizza for dinner. The kids were happy and I didn’t risk straining anything. Today may be similar. the forecast shows a 100% chance of rain and if we end up getting some of the system that spawned tornadoes in Oklahoma last night (it will likely go south of us) then getting out of bed may be a struggle.

G has been given a chance to spend a week at Purdue this summer, earning both college and high school credit. Being a PPHS student allows him to attend for free. I’m excited for him to go not only because of the program but for the opportunity to experience a taste of dorm life and eating on a meal plan. Think back to your own college experience: how many kids bailed out quickly because they couldn’t adjust to campus life, being away from home, having to make basic decisions for themselves, and being responsible about meals? We’ve not been able to give him long overnight camp experiences. This is a chance for him to test his mettle without us being there looking over his shoulder.

Tipper, on the other hand, is bailing on her class’s trip to Chicago this weekend. The annual 8th-grade trip is supposed to be a reward for all their hard work, but Tipper only sees it as a long bus ride with a lot of people she doesn’t like. Of course, we’re not forcing her to go, but her lack of positive social interaction bothers me.

A pop-up notification from the National Weather Service just informed me that this afternoon’s storms could be severe, with high winds and possibly hail. Afternoon. When the kids are on buses. How do I not worry about that?

In reading an article this morning about re-drawing political district lines in Louisiana, I see that white voters are claiming that having districts favoring African Americans offends their (the white people’s) “personal dignity.” Okay, if you really want to start that fight, let’s go for it.

According to Deleware Law School, which seems to have the most concise and least confusing definition, personal dignity is defined as “the equal, inherent, and inalienable value of every person. It touches every important aspect of the human experience, from sexual and gender identity, to citizenship, equality and privacy, education and employment, healthcare, and more.” Okay, pretty straightforward. Sort of.

The International Journal of Constitutional Law, [Volume 10, Issue 2, 30 March 2012] makes the argument that “in spite of widespread international agreement on the importance of the principle, there is a significant degree of confusion regarding what it demands of lawmakers and adjudicators, and considerable inconsistency in its formulation and application in domestic constitutional law.” The author argues that “there is little or no consensus as to what the concept of human dignity demands of lawmakers and adjudicators. Indeed, for all the importance and emphasis placed on human dignity in the text of international conventions, domestic constitutions, and court decisions, the elusive nature of the concept has led many commentators to argue that it is, at best, meaningless or unhelpful, and at worst, potentially damaging to the protection of fundamental human rights.”

Most of the argument comes down to how loosely courts and legislators have played with the term, resulting in it having no practical meaning at all. Is “dignity” a right or is it a characteristic of something else?

Here’s my take: if “personal dignity” is a right that is defensible under the Constitution, then:

The uninvited presence of the descendants of European invaders on native lands offends my personal dignity and I demand they be removed.
The absence of a national healthcare program that resolves the medical needs of all citizens in an efficient and medically superior fashion offends my personal dignity and I demand one be put in place.
The presence of gerrymandered voting districts offends my personal dignity and I demand that non-gerrymandered maps be put in place across all 50 states.
The willfully malicious destruction of life by any government offends my personal dignity and I demand that they be tried and held accountable for their actions.
The failure to sufficiently guard the personal, mental, emotional, and financial safety of all persons regardless of sex, gender, nationality, or ideology offends my personal dignity and I demand that such be considered in the actions of all governments in any decision.

I could go on with that list for a long time but you’d stop reading before getting into the more detailed elements. The issue is “the relative looseness with which the term has been used by drafters, judges, and academics, as a consequence of which domestic constitutional law frequently defines “dignity” in a manner that cannot be reconciled with international human rights law.” [ibid.] We need a tighter definition that prevents courts and legislators from watering it down to the point it doesn’t exist. Until that happens, until we stand up for all human rights (which the US has yet to do), then none of us can claim any right to personal dignity. Attempting to do so only puts us at odds, possibly in violation of everyone else’s personal dignity.

If you disagree, feel free to present a reasonable and intelligent argument in the comments below.

The sad fact is that we only want rights and freedoms for people who look, act, and think like we do. We don’t understand universal freedom because we’re afraid of it, afraid that it might change the way we live, who controls the power, and how we might dominate those around us. To claim that allowing people of color to vote in a district designed to represent them violates your rights is racist and empty. You have zero right to deny someone else adequate representation in Congress or anywhere else.

I’m loudly in favor of breaking up the “good old boys club.” I’m unapologetically in favor of removing the influence of any religion from government. We need to re-think the whole mess in terms of global human rights because the movement of people across national borders, the ability to access and influence information without nationalistic or religious barriers, warrants that we protect the rights not only of those who live within our borders, but everyone who may, whether physically or digitally, visit our lands, our thoughts, our art, our education, or any other readily accessible portion of our existence. You can take your offense and shove it up your ass.

Meanwhile, I’m going to have leftover pizza for breakfast.

Morning Update / Natural Light / Nature / Photography / Status

Morning Update: 05/06/24

May 6, 2024

Jenn Checking For Snakes on the Horizon [2024]

Yesterday was one of the most full and busy days I’ve had in quite a while. We started with lawn mowing. I tackled the portion outside the fence starting at 8:30 so I could hand the rest off to the kids with the instruction to be done by noon. When I came back in, I had a message waiting from Jennifer Tuttle asking if I wanted to go hiking and look for snakes. Hell, yeah! I dug my hiking boots out from under the bed (not an easy task) and took a quick shower because I really needed it. By the time I was ready, the kids were done with the lawn and Jenn was here.

We went out to Eagle Creek Park and started our search. While Jenn looked for snakes, I kept a lookout for bears. You’d think as much as people have been talking about bears in the woods, we’d have seen several. Alas, we both struck out. No snakes and no bears, despite the fact that the trail was loaded with bear bait in the form of babies in backpacks most often carried by random men. Jenn got pictures of young frogs and a couple of adorable little goslings playing in the water. I took pictures of a freakin’ huge mushroom and a tree stump on which someone had decided to test their router. Why someone would take a router to the woods, I don’t know. Bears don’t eat routers.

We stopped by the store on the way home to pick up cat food and a few other things. I grabbed a quick bite to eat and then got a message from Kat asking if I wanted to go to the park with her and Tipper. This was a challenge. I’d already been to the park and hadn’t napped yet. Should I risk trying to go out again? I decided that I needed to challenge myself. I could pay for the consequences later.

The thing about going to the park with Kat and Tipper is that you know it will probably not be an overly energetic outing. Kat found a table where she could draw while Tipper and I slowly walked around Lilly Lake. Tipper never walks all that fast. She enjoys going slow and investigating everything she comes across. As we were walking, we found a tree stump surrounded by yellow flowers. A ray of sunshine delightfully lit the stump. I carefully guided Tipper in taking an amazing picture that would impress almost anyone. These are the Daddy/Daughter moments I cherish.

Once again, we stopped by the store on the way home. Kat needed a handful of things for dinner. We got home, though, to discover that one of our refrigerators had gone out. The food was starting to get warm. The food was quickly transferred to the other fridge so we didn’t lose anything, but the loss of the fridge is going to mean trimming back what we keep in stock.

Why do we need two refrigerators? Because there were three different sets of nutritional needs. The kids, so far, can eat anything, and will. Kat’s diet is limited, though, due to chronic ulcerative colitis. That means nothing with a hush or any kind of roughage. She’s mostly limited to proteins and simple starches, with no fiber. I’m diabetic: low sugar, high fiber, moderate protein, all the veggies. Finding meals we can all eat is a challenge. More often than not, the kids eat one thing, and Kat and I eat something else. This means needing to keep a lot of different food on hand, thus, the need for a second fridge.

Kat fixed a wonderful dinner, but by this point, I was having a lot of trouble staying awake. After eating and bundling up leftovers for breakfast this morning, I came back to the room and fell fast asleep. Total walking for the day was over 8,000 steps, just under four miles. That’s the most active I’ve been in a very long time.

The question now is how my body will respond to yesterday’s activity. I can already tell you that everything is sore, but with rain moving in I’m not sure if it’s because of the exercise or arthritis. Something tells me this will be a bed day. With rain forecasted for almost every day this week, yesterday’s exercise may have to do me until next weekend.

Let this be proof, however, that I’m not an invalid. I can get out, hike trails, and do things. I’m just not as fast and may need to stop and rest more often. If anyone wants to go for a walk/hike, hit me up!

Cancer Update / Current Issues / Morning Update / Personal / Status

Morning Update: 05/05/24

May 5, 2024

From here, Saturday felt like a Sunday well into the evening. It was a feeling that I couldn’t shake no matter what we did. I got the kids outside in the morning and fixed the problem of “I don’t know how to use the weed trimmer.” They’ll be handling that task more regularly going forward. Tipper then asked for pancakes for lunch, which sounded like a good idea. I botched the pan temperature, though, and the first four stuck to the pan. One was so bad I had to feed it to the dogs. By the time that was all done, I needed a nap.

Nausea hit later in the afternoon. No idea why, really, Normally, if it’s chemo-related, it happens in relative proximity to taking the pills. The Gang of Five curled up around me on the bed, though, and we got through it. They proceeded to hang around through dinner, disappointed that I didn’t toss them scraps. They tend to be that way.

Not very exciting, is it? No, I didn’t watch the Derby, though I understand the photo finish was exciting. I just can’t get into the big hats and big attitude and, oh yeah, the cruelty to horses. I know the industry has changed a lot in the past few years, but there are still too many horses having to be put down because of injuries on the track. Sorry, not supporting that environment.

We’ll mow this morning while I continue to curse the racism and environmental destruction of zoning laws. The zoning maggot was out in his car on Friday, cruising the neighborhood and taking notes. Fortunately, I suppose, I’m not the kind of person who thinks violence is a solution to governmental problems. But don’t expect me to keep my mouth shut about it, either.

I’m waiting for life to be fun again. I’d settle for a walk in the park this afternoon, but Kat probably won’t be home in time. There are too many days, like today, when I feel as though we’re merely existing, not living. I don’t suppose anyone would let me take their picture with the RAW setting on my phone, would they?

Give me some inspiration in the comments below, please. I need something to keep me going.

Cancer Update / Morning Update / Personal / pop culture / Social Commentary

Morning Update: 05/04/24

May 4, 2024

May the Fourth Be With You [2013 original photo with AI background]

Try sleeping late on a Saturday morning when all the animals in the house are accustomed to the 6:00 AM weekday schedule. The dogs aren’t really that much of a problem. I took them outside late enough that they were comfortable waiting on me to move first. The cats, on the other hand, are less patient. They began invading the Recovery Room when I hadn’t fed them by 7:30. They climbed on top of me, nudged me, licked me, and mewed in my face to let me know that they were going to starve to death if I didn’t get up right now. Fortunately, Kat was already awake so the impact was minimal. Still, there are days when the cats’ alarms need to turn off.

The first message I saw this morning was from a college friend, one of the smoothest tenor voices I’ve ever heard, letting me know that he, too, has now been diagnosed with cancer. I guess we’re all at that age where our bodies turn against us. Whether it is a familial inclination that plagued the generations before us or the aggregate compound effect of life’s choices, we see more of our friends fighting health battles that keep them from engaging in the things they love. We work all our lives, practice, study, and perhaps even experiment with our craft, trying to become the best we are capable of being, wanting to be one of the wise elders who is respected as we pass information down to subsequent generations. Yet, when we’re at that point in life when we should be enjoying the fruits of our labor, we get hit with some disease that strips away all that glory and leaves us with a shell that struggles to survive. We may still live but not at the timbre we did before.

I made the mistake of watching Anne Hathaway’s new movie, “The Idea of You” last night. It was a mistake not because of the quality of the movie; as rom-coms go, it was rather decent. But it highlights the challenges of not only finding love as we get older (in this case, “older” being a whopping 40 years old) but also what happens when you find it in someone significantly younger. For the movie’s characters, the solution was simply to wait five years when the social effects were less severe. Whether it’s inadvertent or not, the movie also demonstrates the degree to which finances play a role in finding these exceptional forms of love. Had the younger male character not been swimming in cash, had the female not been independently financially stable, the romance would never have happened in the first place. Money put them where they were.

There are always people in our lives who will say, “I love you.” How they mean that changes over the years. Much of the time, the definition is along the lines of, “I appreciate your place in my life and value your presence.” That’s nice, and it keeps us from being able to complain that no one loves us. What we lose, though, are those people who would define their love as a soul-level experience, a desire to be an intimate and constant part of who we are, what we’re doing, and wanting to join their lives to ours for everyone’s pleasure. That love? Yeah, you can kiss that goodbye as you get older. Companions become tolerated because, if not them, who? Even then, for how long? The deep connections we have with people erode with time. We’re no longer exciting to be with. There’s nothing new in our relationships as we become set in our ways and, we like being set in our ways.

At the end of the movie, she’s 45 with a daughter happily in college. He’s 30 with a new solo album. As the movie ends, the producers would have you believe that their relationship picks right back up with the same level of passion as before. You and I both know that’s not the way it works, though. Things happened over those five years. Everyone changes. Five years, especially when you’re twenty-five, is a long time and our emotions change dramatically. We might remember former loves tenderly, even longingly, but the day-to-day is going to have less passion, less heat, and more illness and doctor’s visits and disparities between our desires. Maybe he wants a family. She already has one. He wants to keep that jet-set life. She’s anchored to the business she owns. As the movie fades to black, the relationship inevitably falls apart.

Maybe what’s disturbing is that ending: all our lives slowly fade to black. We still want that high, the fiery love that we knew when we were young and healthy but it’s no longer something we can maintain. Not only is the other person letting go, but we let go of ourselves because who we are now is not the person we thought we’d be.

Or maybe I’m just an old man babbling in a pool of loneliness. I really shouldn’t watch rom-coms.

Cancer Update / Morning Update / Personal / Status

Morning Update: 04/12/24

April 12, 2024

The chemo drug I’m on is in short supply. The call from the hospital pharmacy that supplies me the drug called yesterday. At the moment, they have enough to get me through the summer, but they’ve notified my oncologist that we may need to be ready to make alternative arrangements by this fall. I’m not sure exactly what that means in terms of lengthening or shortening treatment. I see the oncologist next month. But the threat is real.

This is part of a nationwide shortage of over 300 medicines. Adderal is at the top of the list as are ADHD meds. No one is saying what, specifically, is driving the shortages. Everything from outstripping supplies to disruptions in delivering raw materials is part of the cause, making it more challenging to come to the problem with an easy solution. I don’t recommend having an emergency, either. Common crash cart supplies are on the list as well. This shortage stands to affect everyone.

Rain is forecasted to continue until noon today. At the moment, I don’t feel as bad as I did yesterday. The debilitating headache dropped off around 7:00 last night. That still didn’t translate to getting a decent amount of sleep. I’ve been awake since a little after 4:00 this morning. Hamilton was especially snuggly so he got in close and we looked at what I’ve been missing on Instagram until it was time for us to get up.

I still don’t feel like doing much, though. I’m sore. I’m achy. Getting my mind to focus on any one thing for more than a minute seems impossible. I think the weekend is supposed to be warmer. I’d love to at least sit outside while the dogs run and do their thing. Even the dogs have kept their outside experience to a minimum the past couple of days.

One interesting thing that did cross my eyes as we were reading this morning, was a story from Vanity Fair about how South Dakota tribes are keeping the state’s right-wing nut job of a governor off their lands. I don’t know how well this might work elsewhere, given that we’re talking about very specific tribal reservations. The best part: they didn’t have to involve the BIA, the courts, or anything government-related. Their councils simply voted that for her to step foot on the reservations amounts to trespassing and that she would be removed if she does so. Oklahoma is in a situation where their sorry excuse for a governor needs to stay out of tribal-controlled land as well, in my opinion. I hope my friends within the Cherokee and Choctaw tribes look at following this example and keeping the governor’s ass in Oklahoma City.

By the way, you know Doug’s not the only one who can comment here. Anyone can. Go ahead. Try it.

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