Then THIS Happened

Then THIS Happened

February 1, 2017

You won’t see this on the front page

The Short Version

While perusing the AP feed this morning, we came across a collection of stories that were at least amusing if not almost interesting. They range from a license to kill snakes to a moose in a basement and a baby with the same birthday as her parents. Oh, and a ferret got a pacemaker and a Florida pastor was caught naked with someone else’s wife. It’s been an interesting day.

First up, about those snakes …

Folks in Arizona tend to have a snake and rat problem. That’s largely because they’re trying to put towns and cities in the middle of a fucking desert; you know, that place where snakes and rats live. The problem is, it’s illegal to shoot them within city limits.

The reason isn’t so much because PETA argued that snake lives matter or any such thing. A 2000 law prohibits firing a gun in city limits. That law was passed after a teenager was killed by a bullet fired into the air in celebration. That law extends to the killing of any rodent, not just teenagers.

A bill currently under consideration in the Arizona state legislature would allow residents to shoot snakes and rats “using a small-caliber gun loaded with tiny pellets.” However, opponents claim this is just an attempt to get guns back into Arizona cities and that shooting at poisonous snakes can cause them to strike.

All depends on how good one’s aim is, I suppose.

Some problems are slightly larger

Idaho residents don’t have to worry so much about poisonous snakes in their yards, but apparently, they do have to worry about moose falling into their basements. I’m guessing that moose is too busy talking to the flying squirrel to pay attention (if you don’t get that reference, you’re too young to be reading this).

In this particular case, the female moose in Ketchum, Idaho didn’t know that glass isn’t a solid structure when it comes to holding up moose weight. The poor thing fell right through the glass and into the basement of a home. Once there, she wasn’t actually hurt, but she didn’t have a clue how to get out and was rather scared about the whole ordeal. We can all understand that feeling, can’t we?

Getting near the frightened moose was impossible. Moose can be quite deadly, after all. A fish and game officer shot the moose with a tranquilizer dart and once she was napping eight officers carried the 600-pound sleeping beauty up the stairs and outside. After about 15 minutes, she hopped up and trotted away.

Boy, is she going to have a story to tell at her next bridge group.

People love their pets

People have all kinds of pets, some of which don’t necessarily make any sense to the rest of us. Ferrets would fall into that category. They’re rodents. They’re fast rodents, so if they get loose catching them is almost impossible. It takes a special kind of person to love a ferret.

Carl Hobi of Olathe, KS is apparently one of those special people. When his ferret, Zelda [insert eye roll here], became ill he took her to the vet where it was determined she had a third-degree heart blockage. That blockage was the result of a low heart rate and lack of energy. Apparently, Zelda has lost her zip.

The veterinarian called up the folks at Kansas State Veterinary Health Center and the doctors there determined Zelda was a good candidate for a pacemaker, just like the kind Uncle Earl has, only a helluva lot smaller. After two weeks, Zelda was back up and running, getting into things, and causing her owner to question spending that much money on ferret health care.

The vet said Zelda should live a nice, long, ferret life. Good luck, Carl.

Happy Birthday to us!

Birthdays are largely random things for the most part. Rarely does a parent know exactly when their baby is going to be born. Finding someone born on your birthday and falling in love with them seems like it would be a pretty rare event in of itself, but that’s exactly what happened to Lisa Lowe and Michael Hall, both born on January 27. I’m sure they’re annoyingly sweet every time their birthday comes around.

All that sweetness was doubled, though, when Lisa gave birth to their first child, a girl, last week on, you guessed it, January 27. London’s due date was actually January 26, but due to complications, doctors ended up delivering the little one via cesarean section early on the morning of the 27th.

Mom Lisa said the six-pound, seven-ounce bundle of joy was the best gift either of them could have. Let’s see if she still feels the same way next year when the little one hogs all the birthday presents.

The preacher was caught bare

Churches across the South seem to have a problem with their pastors keeping their fly shut and their clothes on. From televangelist Jimmy Swaggert to countless others, more than one church has felt the disappointment of a bed-hopping preacher. Usually, though, the secret comes out through a lawsuit or other manner that allows both sides to respond civilly.

That’s not what happened in Tallahassee, FL last month. Pastor O. Jermaine Simmons of Tallahassee’s Jacob Chapel was caught bare-handed—and bare bottomed. It was the typical movie-plot scenario: Husband comes home from work in the middle of the afternoon to find his wife in bed with the preacher. The preacher runs out the back door, naked, and hides behind a fence. Just another day in the Flordia suburbs, right?

The husband rounded up the preacher’s clothes, wallet, and car keys. Someone called the cops for some strange reason and the police convinced the husband to give the preacher back his stuff. Simmons apologized tearfully to his congregation the next Sunday, as is the custom set forth by Mr. Swaggert. No word if he’s been asked to resign yet.

Now see, not everything on the planet needs a presidential order to fuck it up. Some things are just crazy all on their own.

Current Issues / News & Comment / video

5 Things You Should Know: 01.06.2017

January 6, 2017

04:43:54 01/06/2017

https://youtu.be/VxeqSkiDQ9c

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‘Tis a cold wind that blows

Brrrrr! If you feel a draft this morning, you might be in the central Midwest where temps are in the single digits and wind blowing across the snow puts wind chills well below zero. At these temperatures, frostbite is a serious possibility, especially if you have children standing outside waiting on a school bus. Be sure to dress everyone in multiple layers of loose clothing to prevent any danger there. Meanwhile, the South is gearing up for a major winter storm barreling down at them from the Rockies. This could be a rough weekend.

I could have ten things you should know this morning and still not cover everything that is newsworthy. Vice President Joe Biden told the president-elect to grow up yesterday¹. It would be funny to watch to old men fight if they weren’t supposed to be leading the freakin’ country. Trump now says American taxpayers will fund that wall with Mexico². And Hustler is suing the city of Indianapolis³, but we don’t have time for any of that. What we have are five other things we think you should know.

A severe lack of intelligence

President-elect Donald Trump is supposed to receive his national security briefing this morning, one that President Obama saw several days ago. We can only guess how the president-elect might receive the news, but it isn’t going to be pretty as national intelligence director James Clapper and other national security advisors double-down on the evidence that Russia not only was involved in hacking during the election, but engaged in other activities aimed at altering the outcome⁴.

Don’t expect that news to set too well with the president-elect, who has chosen to listen to Wikileaks’ founder Julian Assange rather than the people with actual evidence of the hacking and other activities conducted under the authority of the Russian government. During a hearing yesterday before the Senate Armed Services committee, support for the US intelligence community was strongly bipartisan, setting up a rift between Congress and the president-elect that could affect a number of decisions in the immediate future.

At the same time, former CIA director James Woosely has resigned⁵ from the president-elect’s transition team and former Indiana Senator Dan Coates, whom the New York Times describes as “the Mister Rogers Senator,” has been named as the person likely to replace Director Clapper later this month⁶. Put everything together and what we have is a picture of an incoming administration that is long on talk and short on actual intelligence. Definitely not a good way to start.

A most deplorable hate crime

If you were paying attention yesterday at the start of our article, we mentioned the arrest of four people in Chicago who live streamed a brutal kidnapping. At the point we were writing things yesterday, details were still sketchy. What we now know is that four people used Facebook Live to stream their torture and abuse of a mentally challenged man, who was tied up, hit, and cut with a knife by several assailants in what is being described as one of the most brutal scenes ever broadcast⁷.

All four people have been arrested and charged with committing a hate crime, aggravated kidnapping, aggravated unlawful restraint, and aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, burglary, robbery and possession of a stolen motor vehicle. Chicago police superintendent Eddie Johnson told reporters that, “There was never a question whether or not this incident qualified to be investigated as a hate crime … The actions in that video are reprehensible.”

One of the challenges this crime presents is exactly what, if anything, Facebook could have done to prevent the live stream from being broadcast. While the crime itself was bad enough, having the unmitigated gall to stream such an act is beyond deplorable. Fears are that the ease of streaming events is such that other ego-driven criminals might commit even worse acts for everyone to see. Unless Facebook and other streaming providers can get a lock on this issue, they could be facing civil suits for providing the platform.

A continued assault on women and gender

As if women’s and transgender rights hadn’t come under enough fire in 2016, 2017 is shaping up to be an even larger battle. There’s more here than I have time to discuss so please click the numbered links to check our references. For starters, a federal district judge ruled the doctors may turn away women who have had abortions and transgender patients based on the doctor’s religious freedom rights⁸. How is this even possible? Thank that idiotic Burwell v. Hobby Lobby ruling in 2014 that sets such a precedent.

At the same time Texas Republicans, apparently unable to learn from the experience of North Carolina, have introduced a bill that requires people to use the restroom and locker room defined by the gender on their birth certificate and bans cities from passing ordinances contrary to that law⁹. Now, sports is a really big money maker in the Lone Star state and we don’t want to even get started on all the music festivals and events such as SXSW that occur in Austin. Threats of boycotts are already being voiced. North Carolina has lost millions in revenue. Are Texans any smarter?

Then, to top it all off, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan once again has vowed to strip Planned Parenthood of all federal funding as the new Republican-dominated Congress attempts to re-write healthcare laws¹⁰. This is not a new fight and Republicans tried repeatedly last year to do the same thing. The challenge facing them this year is that any attempt to defund the non-profit that provides healthcare for millions of women might result in the entire re-write of the Affordable Care Act being scuttled. Speaker Ryan best watch his step.

Significant change for the military

It is no secret that thousands of Sikh and Muslim recruits have been turned away from serving in the US military because of the strict rules regarding uniform appearance. That, however, is changing. Army Secretary Eric Fanning signed a memorandum that would allow Sikh and Muslim recruits to dress and groom themselves in a manner appropriate to their religious beliefs¹¹. The new rules not only affect men serving in the Army, but also allow for women to wear hijabs provided they are free of any religious markings or decorations.

To be able to take advantage of the new ruling, those currently serving in the Army would need to apply for a religious accommodation. Once approved, the accommodation would follow them throughout their career and would not be allowed to influence job duties or duty locations except in specific highly-sensitive circumstances. The women’s hair code was also modified in the memorandum to allow for braids, cornrows, twists or locks.

What effect this might have on the Army rank and file remains to be seen. One of the issues drilled into recruits during basic training is that they are no longer an individual but part of a group and that they must put the needs and safety of the group ahead of their own. Having different grooming and appearance rules for some that do not apply to others would seem to be a visual violation of that general rule. Still, religious liberty advocates are excited about the change and the opportunity it provides.

And finally …

New parents have been warned for the past 30 years that they need to be careful when introducing their child to potential allergens such as peanuts. Conventional wisdom has been to wait until a child is at least two years old before introducing them to peanuts. All that changed yesterday, however, when the National Institutes of Health issued a new ruling stating that introducing those foods as early as six months could help prevent those very allergies¹².

Ground-breaking research has found that early exposure to such foods is much more likely to help infants rather than hurt them as has been previously thought. This is an extremely serious matter as peanut allergies specifically is a growing problem affecting roughly two percent of children born in the United States. Pediatricians are now advising that if a family member has an existing peanut allergy then that is all the more reason to start feeding them to the infant early.

No, this does not mean you can just toss a bag of peanuts at your little one for a snack. Common sense is appropriate here. Smooth peanut butter is likely to be the best form of introduction, and that should be mixed with things such as oatmeal. The guidelines also recommend that the child have experience with other solid foods before introducing those with peanuts. As always, if you have any questions or concerns, consult your family pediatrician.

Once again, we are out of time for today. Since we’ve started writing this morning, breaking news says that Russia is pulling its military out of Syria, so we’ll be watching that along with a number of other things. The latest wage report is due today as well, so we’ll be looking at that. In the mean time, bundle up, stay safe, and join us tomorrow. It’s Friday. Enjoy.

Current Issues / News & Comment / video

5 Things You Should Know: 12.29.16

December 29, 2016

04:40:59 12/29/2016 Indianapolis, IN

https://youtu.be/BhBApk_RjiU

Nope, 2016 is still not done

Hey there. If you’re waking up this morning wondering if this year is done beating up your emotions, the answer is no. In addition to all the news this morning, the National Weather Service has issued a warning for much of central Indiana on the threat of snow squalls between 3-10pm. Snow squalls are like mini-blizzards, popping up all of a sudden with heavy snow and wind, then disappearing. If you need to get out today, doing so this morning is highly recommended. And if you live in the Northeast, look out. You have as much as two feet of snow headed your direction by Friday morning.

Globally, at least there weren’t any mass shootings overnight. However, stocks fell on the Asian markets, Turkey wants Hezbollah out of Syria, and Philippine president Duterte says he’ll throw people out of a helicopter and that he’s done it before. [Yes, Alex, I’ll take ‘Insane Despots’ for 1,000.] The world is busy today so let’s get right to the 5 Things You Should Know.

A Mother and Daughter Together

We are saddened but not too terribly surprised this morning to learn of the passing of actress Debbie Reynolds overnight¹. Ms. Reynolds suffered a stroke and was taken to the hospital yesterday afternoon. Having been in poor health for some time, and coming just one day after the loss of her daughter, Carrie Fisher, anyone familiar with the situation was expecting this outcome. We can blame the stroke if we want, but certainly, the stress of broken heart was a factor as well.

Ms. Reynolds was an incredible actress and singer who held her own alongside male leads such as Gene Kelly and Danny Kaye in Singing in the Rain. She received an Oscar nomination for her role in The Unsinkable Molly Brown and was nominated for a Tony award for her role in Irene as well. She even had a number one pop hit with Tammy, the title song from the 1957 movie Tammy and the Bachelor.

Her personal life was often tabloid fodder, though. Her first husband, Eddie Fisher, left her for Elizabeth Taylor. Her next two husbands left her nearly bankrupt by the mid-1970s. Through all that, however, she had her children, Todd and Carrie. Now, after years of struggling with her health, it’s understandable how her daughter’s death might lead to her own. She was an incredible talent who raised an incredible talent. Rest in peace, Ms. Reynolds, and thank you for singing.

Important Notice For Heart Patients

Speaking of health, if you or anyone you know has had heart surgery since 2012, you might want to schedule a visit with your doctor, just to be safe. Both the CDC and the FDA have released warnings that a device used to heat and cool blood during heart surgeries may have caused a life-threatening infection². Nationwide, this could potentially affect some 600,000 heart patients at hospitals in every major city in the US.

Locally, Community hospitals have said they’ve sent letters to some 600 of their patients and IU Health is sending letters to approximately 6,500 of their patients this week. Neither Eskinazi nor Saint Vincent used the device. VA hospitals around the nation started sending letters to their patients earlier in the month.

Again, if you receive a letter, or if you have had open heart surgery and since moved, you may want to contact your doctor. The pulmonary infection develops slowly, growing over the course of several months or even years. It can take over a year of antibiotic treatment to cure the infection. While it is not expected that many patients have the infection, the only way to be certain is to check with your doctor.

A Two-State Solution

The United States has had a long history of standing by the side of Israel no matter what they did nor how little sense it might make. That tradition has been broken in the past week as the US first refused to veto a UN Security Council resolution condemning West Bank settlements. Then, as if Isreali Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu wasn’t pissed off enough, Secretary of State John Kerry spent a full hour in a speech at the State Department yesterday, lambasting the country for preventing peace in the region, saying that a two-state solution was the only reasonable avenue to long-term peace³.

Not surprisingly, a number of people disagree with Secretary Kerry’s position purely on an ideological basis. Israel has been the strongest of US allies in the Middle East since its establishment in 1948. However, much of that allegiance is based on religious sentiments and as Israel has ventured more into the West Bank, occupying land claimed by what we now know as Palestine, that relationship has been strained. Israel’s bombardment of schools and Palestinian neighborhoods has been a frequent point of criticism from the rest of the industrialized world, with the US habitually abstaining from saying anything negative about the country no matter what atrocities it might commit.

Now, not only has Secretary Kerry moved away from that support, but it seems Prime Minister Netanyahu doesn’t have as much support in his own country as he thought. Israeli media are reporting that the attorney general will soon announce a criminal investigation into Netanyahu⁴. While the Justice Ministry neither confirms nor denies these reports, Israeli Channel 10 TV says Netanyahu is suspected in two cases, one of which is “grave and supported by evidence.” This entire situation is more complicated than it looks on the surface, so be careful about taking sides.

And The Hits Just Keep Coming

People aren’t the only things dying this year. Sears announced yesterday that it is closing yet another 30 Sears and Kmart stores early next year⁵. While this news really isn’t surprising, it comes as just another nail in the coffin not only for the once dominant retailer, but for mall-based department stores everywhere. This is in stark contrast to the chain’s heyday back in the 1960s and 70s when going to Sears was a big deal. Even as recently as 2011, Sears had over 3,500 stores. This move takes them below 1,500 stores.

I still remember going to the big Sears store downtown when I was little. The multi-story building was the biggest I’d ever seen. It was the only place my parents would shop for my school clothes because they knew I wouldn’t wear them out before I outgrew them. I remember pneumatic tubes at the checkout registers, whisking away checks for approval or credit cards for processing. Now, in this past quarter alone, Sears’ revenue fell 13%, to $5 billion. Same-store sales dropped 7.4%, including a 10% decrease at Sears stores.

There is a lot of question whether Sears and other department stores like it, such as JCPenney and Macy’s can survive. The last time I was in a local Sears store, the place was practically empty. I wasn’t even accosted by a commission-hungry associate. One has to wonder whether the days of the big department stores have come to an end.

And finally …

There is a little bit of good news in the world. I know many new and expecting mothers have worried about their children’s health even before they’re born. One of the biggest increases in childhood disease over the past decade has been the rate of asthma and other breathing difficulties. Now, there is evidence following an exhaustive study in Denmark that consumption of fish oil in the third trimester of pregnancy significantly reduces the chances of a child developing chronic wheezing problems or asthma by age 5⁶.

The speed at which asthma has been increasing in developed countries is one of those things that has confounded doctors up to this point. The level of omega-3 fatty acids, such as those found in fish oil, has been considered before, but the study groups were too small to be considered authoritative. The Danish study looked at 700 pregnant women and their children in determining that the consumption of fish oil may reduce rates of asthma by as much as one-third.

Of course, there is still some need for caution before you go running to your nearest health food store. The fish oil dose in the study was 15 to 20 times as high as the average amount Americans get from food. That might not be such a huge concern were there not problems with the amount of mercury found in the fish we consume in the US. That issue has caused doctors to recommend pregnant women not consume raw fish at all and cooked fish only once a week. More study is still needed and, as always, consult with your doctor before making any changes.

We have filled our allotted amount of time for this morning. There’s not a bit of telling what might happen over the next 24 hours, so please, whatever you do today, be careful. We like having you around, even if it’s only on the Internet. Stay warm and we’ll see you tomorrow.

This article is not sponsored by anyone, but it could be. We’re open to that possibility. Let us know if you’re interested.

News & Comment

12/14/16: 5 Things You Should Know

December 14, 2016

charles i. letbetter - 12/15/16 5 Things you should know

Dipping The News In 40-Grade Sarcasm

https://youtu.be/va_hRRbJvP8

Welcome to hump day, where the Midwest hopes its collective ass doesn’t freeze off and folks in the Northeast are checking out igloo design plans. It’s cold outside but the news is hot. So hot, in fact, that we’re avoiding talking about Aleppo because the situation there is changing so quickly this morning that anything we say about it is going to be wrong 30 minutes later. Actor Alan Thicke, the dad on Growing Pains died, by the way. And the whole Russian hacking thing is downright spooky.

We’re not talking about those things this morning, though. Why? Because people are stupid and we have to guard against stupid people before they ruin everyone’s lives, especially when the stupidity reaches the higher levels of government. We normally wouldn’t disparage our leaders quite to this degree, but what they’ve done in the past 24 hours is a bit over the top.

We start this morning talking about babies.

1. Country girls need to sober up

Once upon a time, the stereotype of a country girl was that she was sweet, innocent, and hard working. Well, you can just put that characterization on the shelf because it’s much more likely that she’s drugged out of her fucking mind, doesn’t know what she’s doing, and her baby is paying for her choices. Urban women are having much healthier babies and it’s not necessarily because they have access to better healthcare.

What’s going on? Research published Monday shows that the rate of drug-dependent babies has jumped a whopping 80 percent in rural counties since 2004.¹ Increased opioid use, which is an increasing problem nationwide, is largely to blame. Addicted mothers are more likely to spend what little money they have on drugs. They’re less likely to work and less likely to receive a sufficient level of prenatal care because of their drug use.

Pediatricians are talking about something called “Neonatal abstinence syndrome,” which typically occurs while the fetus is still in the uterus. Newborns not only suffer from dangerously low birth weights, but also tend to have seizures, fever, and tremors. Doctors are having to use methadone on babies, tiny little newborn babies, in order to wean them off the fucking drugs!

On what planet is this situation acceptable? Don’t look to the government for help. Congressional Republicans can’t cut funding for health care fast enough. Even if they did keep funding in place, government policies on drug use and abuse have been misplaced for over 30 years. They don’t know what they’re doing. We need a better drug policy quickly before our infant mortality rate starts to resemble that of a third world country.

2. Getting Government Out Of The Womb

I am absolutely shocked at the number of stories popping up this week regarding abortion and a woman’s choice. Just in case you’ve never met me, let me be very clear on where I stand: if you’re not a woman capable of having children, you just need to keep your fucking mouth shut. You don’t get an opinion, you don’t get a voice, because it’s none of your fucking business. Government, especially, has absolutely no business dictating when, where, or under what conditions a woman should or should not have a baby. This is a woman’s choice and any interference with that choice is wrong.

Yet, state legislatures especially just keep tossing abortion laws up there and getting them knocked back down by federal courts. Yesterday, Ohio Governor and former presidential candidate John Kasich had two such bills on his desk. One was the controversial “heartbeat” bill that would have outlawed abortion as soon as a heartbeat was detectable, as early as six weeks. He vetoed that one, which was exactly what he should have done. However, before you go giving the governor a pat on the back, you should know that he signed a 20-week abortion bill, furthering the war on women and their bodies².

In Oklahoma yesterday, the state supreme court tossed a law requiring abortion clinics to have doctors with admitting privileges at nearby hospitals³. This is good news, though I can promise you there aren’t that many abortion clinics in Oklahoma to begin with. Still, a win is a win, right? Hold on. At the exact same time, the state’s Department of Health says it’s considering new regulations that would force hospitals, nursing homes, restaurants and public schools to post signs inside public restrooms with information about abortion alternatives⁴. The signs would read:

There are many public and private agencies willing and able to help you carry your child to term and assist you and your child after your child is born, whether you choose to keep your child or to place him or her for adoption. The State of Oklahoma strongly urges you to contact them if you are pregnant.

We have a six-year-old in our house who is in first grade and catching on to reading rather quickly. She reads everything, especially signs. Do I want her going into the restroom at a pizza place and seeing that sign? Hell no!

Not only that, the agency isn’t providing any funding for the signs. Those hospitals, nursing homes, restaurants, and schools are going to have to pay for those signs out of their own pocket. If the signs aren’t there, it is a health code violation and the facility can be fined or possibly even closed.

I have to stop my rant here because I’m out of time, but this is one of the most stupid things I’ve ever seen Oklahoma do, and trust me, I’ve seen them do some really stupid things in the past few years.

3. The Poor Don’t Get To Retire

One of the things the Department of Labor has been touting over the past year has been the reduction in the unemployment rate since the Obama administration took office in 2009. Statistics for the month of November show unemployment continues to decrease, falling to 4.6 percent⁵. However, what’s buried deep in those statistics is an alarming fact that 18.3 percent of the workforce is part-time. That particular little stat has only dropped less than two percent, from 20.1, since 2010. Sure, people have jobs, but they’re making shit wages and having to run from one job to another just to make ends meet.

There are many downsides to part-time employment, but long-term one of the biggest disadvantages is that these people typically don’t get benefits. They don’t have access to any kind of an employer-sponsored 401K or any other retirement plan. And even if they did have access to those plans, they wouldn’t have enough expendable income to be able to participate. We’re talking about people who already make so little money they have to worry about keeping the lights on, the kids fed, and a roof over their heads.

Sure, they’re paying into Social Security, but Republicans in Congress are doing everything they can to steal that money from us. Just yesterday, the Associated Press reported that Rep. Sam Johnson of Texas, the chairman of the House Ways and Means subcommittee on Social Security, introduced a bill that would raise the retirement age and decrease benefits for a large number of seniors⁶. Congress seems to routinely forget that Social Security is not an entitlement program. Social Security is money we paid into the system with every freakin’ paycheck we’ve ever earned. We deserve every last dime of it, with interest.

This is yet another sign of how completely blind Congress is to the needs of the poor. Why we keep electing the bastards I don’t know.

4. Don’t Light That Candle

Candles are big business this time of year with all the holiday decorations and everything, but if you recently purchased one from the Yankee Candle Company, you might want to take it back before you risk lighting the thing. The candle company has announced a recall of some 31,000 candles due to what it calls a “laceration hazard⁷.” Apparently, when one lights the candle the glass around it breaks.

Now, before you go snatching up every candle in the house, you should know that the recall only applies to a select group of candles sold between September and November of this year. However, you won’t find any mention of the recall on their website. Nowhere. We looked. And while the whole “laceration hazard” thing sounds really dangerous, no one has actually been hurt. The candles don’t shatter, they crack.

While we don’t want to question the authenticity of the recall, the way Yankee Candle is handling it makes it look more like a stunt to get people back into their stores before the holidays. You go to return the candle, and not only do you get a replacement, you’re likely to pick up two or three more while you’re there. Maybe it’s just me, but this has a shady feel to it that dampens my holiday spirit (as if I actually had any).

5. And Finally …

Wonder Woman has gotten the boot from the United Nations⁸. The 75-year-old comic book character was presented back in October as the UN’s honorary ambassador for the empowerment of women and girls. However, there were a lot of people who didn’t exactly agree with that move. On one hand, the UN was giving a dominant voice to a character owned by a for-profit company, as it so happens, has a movie about this very character coming out in the near future. There seemed to be some ethics blurring here. Others, to no one’s surprise, were upset because of how they view Wonder Woman’s costume, which we might kindly refer to as “voluptuous.” Let’s be honest, there have been a lot of adolescent boys over the years who had wet dreams about having a Wonder Woman in their lives. Freud would have a field day.

The problem with the sudden dismissal of Wonder Woman from her honorary position is that it reeks of body shaming. Wonder Woman is too curvy, her outfit is too revealing, and therefore she is unfit to be an example for women and girls.

Bullshit. The real problem people have, and have always had, with Wonder Woman is that she’s a strong, independent female who defies the norms and kicks the boys’ asses on a regular basis. Wonder Woman doesn’t give a shit what you think about her body or how she chooses to dress, and that bothers a lot of people, especially men who happen to dominate the UN. Just how afraid are men at the UN afraid of women? In the recent search for a new Secretary General, the UN bypassed seven, count ’em, seven women, who were fully qualified and settled, once again, on a man.

Maybe pairing with a character from a for-profit company wasn’t the greatest of ideas, but the world needs to get over this fear of strong women, or any woman for that matter. Stop perpetuating the myth that attractive women aren’t as intelligent or as worthy or as strong as anyone else. We have to be better than that.

And with that, we’re out of time for today. There is still so very much more that I could probably continue for another 30 minutes. Be careful where you get your information, though. We’ve seen a lot of fake news in this cycle as well. Watch your sources. Stay warm out there and have a good day.

Personal / PotD

She Calls Me Daddy

June 12, 2016

The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says, ‘Daddy, I need to ask you something,’ he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan. —Garrison Keillor

The universe gave me a daughter and none of us, Daddy, daughter, nor the universe are going to be the same

Father’s Day can sometimes be a bit rough. I have three boys but haven’t lived with any of them for the past 11 years. I hold a lot of well-deserved guilt for not being there at times they really needed me, when the decisions were hard, when the circumstances were impossible to understand. There have been times they challenged whether I loved them. My record is far from perfect but I’m still proud of the young men they’ve become.

But then, I have two more. Biologically, I had absolutely nothing to do with their appearance on the planet. I thought I was done having kids 18 years ago. The universe intervened, however. Now, Kat regularly looks over at me, usually with one or the other of them in my lap, and reminds me, “They’re yours.”

Being a parent of young ones at an age where my peers are having grandchildren is challenging. I can’t run races or get down in the floor and wrestle like I did with my boys. They’re getting the well-used version of a Daddy and I sometimes wonder if that’s not cheating them a bit. Kat is quick to remind me, though, they chose me. The decision to call me Daddy was totally theirs.

Actually, the whole “Daddy” thing was a point of great concern. Tippy was two and Little Man had just turned four when I met Kat. They saw their bio-dad for what may be the last time shortly after Tippy turned three, and that wasn’t an especially pleasant visit. Tipster has no memory of the trip at all. The portion Little Man remembers is not positive. We were very concerned, though, that the decision of what to call me be theirs and no one else’s.

This took some time. Calling me by my name was easy. I was just another friend except that I never went away. Ever. There were times that made discipline difficult. Little Man would come back with “You’re not my Dad,” and I’d have to agree with him. More than once he asked when they were going to take me back home. But that hole was there in their lives and slowly, quietly, despite all the yelling and slammed doors, they’ve let me fill that space.

Getting along with Little Man has been one thing, but learning to deal with a little girl is a whole new experience. I’ve not had one of these before, and she is definitely a very different personality from her brother. Her imagination is off the charts. She sings herself to sleep at night. The more tired she is, the more she giggles. She loves to be tickled, loves having books read to her, and more than anything, she loves sitting in my lap.

She is the spitting image of her Mommy. Put pictures of her, Kat, and her grandmother next to each other and you can only tell the difference by the age of the photos. She’s like her mother in other ways, too, that don’t necessarily work when one is six. She’s stubborn. She wants to do things her own way. She’s confident and doesn’t need you to tell her what to do. She can be defiant in the face of authority and she’s not taking crap off of anyone, especially her brother. Those will all eventually become admirable traits as she becomes a young woman but right now, and especially at bedtime, we often wish she were a little more compliant.

It took a while for Tippy to get used to me. When I first moved in, she was still sleeping in her crib at night and needed help getting out of the morning. Several months passed before she would let anyone but Mommy be that morning person. She didn’t want to hold my hand. She clung tightly to Mommy, which might have been endearing except for those moments when Mommy’s hands were already full. She regarded me with caution for the first year and more. That was okay. We knew that both kids would have to adjust at their own pace.

When we noticed her changing, though, was when both she and Kat started school last fall. At school, they would talk about families and other kids had a Daddy. Then, when she came home from school, I was the only one here. Mommy usually wouldn’t get home until well after she was in bed for the night. I helped with her homework, made sure she had clean clothes, let her take long baths with her toys, and tucked her in for the night. Slowly, she would occasionally call me Daddy, but usually, it was quiet. You could hear the uncertainty in her voice.

After the kids changed schools, we noticed a difference. She was more confident in how she referred to me, not only around her peers, but anywhere, with anyone. If someone would ask her who I was, she would grin mischievously and say, “Oh, that’s just my Daddy.”

The biggest confirmation came just this past week. Kindergarten graduation. The event was held mid-morning, when a lot of parents couldn’t be there, including Tippy’s Mommy. The Tipster was incredibly excited, though. She woke up bouncing with anticipation that morning. As I put her on the school bus, I reminded her I would be there. I wasn’t sure how she would respond. During the event, she would flash me an occasional smile, but was being very careful to follow the instructions her teacher had given. When they called her name, I was the only one who yelled for her, and she looked more perturbed than pleased.

After the event, I went to her room fully expecting to have to remind her that Mommy was at school. All the other kids seemed to have their entire extended families there, some with balloons and stuffed animals. How could I possibly compete with that? Then, as I walk into the classroom, Tippy looks up, her face brightens, and she screams, “DADDY!!!” at the top of her lungs and she runs into my arms. The hugs were big. She kissed all over my face. She showed me her diploma then had to show me her entire classroom.

If there was any question remaining, that moment cleared up the doubt. I have a daughter. We call her Tippy. She calls me Daddy.

Happy Fathers Day.

Current Issues / PotD / Social Commentary

Recovering From The Weekend

March 21, 2016

It’s not that hard to imagine the natural world recovering it’s health in our absence: it’s more difficult, and more necessary, to imagine it recovering its health in our presence. —Alex Steffen

Needing to recover from a weekend aren’t that unusual, but the reasons this morning are quite sad.

There is, in the following words, no attempt to be funny. I’m well aware that the thought of recovering from the weekend typically involves stories of a more whimsical nature, often involving some level of drunkenness and subsequent shenanigans, but that’s just not possible. This wasn’t a fun weekend, and even now, since I started typing, we’re finding out more that is absolutely breaking our hearts. Here’s a synopsis of the things that got our attention this weekend, in no particular order.

Shortly after noon on Friday, a young mother with whom we are acquainted delivered a baby boy. He was not healthy. He was not bouncing. He was stillborn from his umbilical cord being wrapped around his neck. After a full nine months of waiting and excitement, her baby was gone.
Saturday evening, a young mother was killed when a semi plowed into the back of her car that was, for reasons likely to remain unknown, stopped in the right lane of the interstate. Her son, who is a very precious special needs little boy, attended the same daycare as Kat’s little ones and always came running to say hi when we picked them up.
Early Sunday morning, a 27-year-old police officer and a supervising sergeant were attempting to serve an arrest warrant for, of all things, drug paraphernalia at a trailer park near Kokomo. The situation went bad quickly and both officers were hit in a shootout that killed the suspect. The younger officer died from his injuries Sunday morning, leaving behind a wife and baby boy.
Over 150 firefighters responded to a three-alarm fire Sunday night at a truck stop on Indy’s west side. The fire started outside the Denny’s restaurant attached to the truck stop. Damages are estimated to be over $2 million.
A school bus carrying a high school basketball team and coaches from Northwest Indiana was sideswiped by a car on Saturday, resulting in it rolling off the highway. Miraculously, none of the boys were severely hurt, though there were, understandably, a number of cuts and severe bruises. One coach was airlifted to the hospital but is in good condition. What caused the driver of the car to swerve into the bus? Her drink spilled.
Shots were fired at a police cruiser on Indianapolis’ near Northside a little after 11:15 last night. No officers were hit, but the event underscores tensions in that neighborhood.
No fewer than three people were killed in additional traffic accidents over the weekend.

Yesterday was supposed to be the International Day of Happiness, but for a large number of people across Indiana, there was nothing to be happy about. The things I’ve listed here are just a fraction of events that occurred around the world. In Spain, a bus carrying exchange students crashed, killing 14. In Southern Russia, a FlyDubai flight crashed as it attempted to land at an airport, killing all 62 people on board. A suicide bomber killed four in a busy market in Istanbul. North Korea fired at least five short-range missiles into the Sea of Japan, raising international tensions.

So much tragedy in such a short period of time leaves our senses reeling. Anyone of those events was horribly traumatic for the families of those involved. Even for those of us who might not be directly effected, the number of events is disturbing.

Sunday was also the vernal equinox, the start of Spring, a time we typically associate with freshness and new beginning. We think of Spring as a time of renewal, a chance to start over, to break free of the dreariness of the winter. Yet, with all the tragedy of this weekend, feeling those positive vibes is difficult.

Recovering from all this takes a moment. Recovering from a single tragedy, even when we weren’t directly involved, is like waiting for a bruise to heal. With so many, so close in time, recovering feels a bit like trying to get over losing a prize fight. When one is empathetic with the world, as one should be, recovering requires acts of kindness to offset the cruelty and tragedy. Finding such kindness, especially on a Monday, can be difficult.

What bothers me more, though, are people who can shrug everything off without feeling anything at all. They are totally disconnected emotionally from the rest of the world. When bad things happen around them, they feel nothing. These people scare me, for those who do not share empathy with those around them are more likely to commit violent acts themselves, or tolerate acts of violence by others. When there is a lack of empathy among those who would be our world leaders, we are at risk of war.

Recovering from this weekend is going to take a moment. I would ask that you please be kind to those you encounter because you never know who has had tragedy in their life this weekend. We all can use a smile and maybe a hug where it’s appropriate. We need this week to get better quickly, but it will take all of us to make that happen.

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The Last Super Bowl Ad Review

February 5, 2016

A bad review is like baking a cake with all the best ingredients and having someone sit on it.—Danielle Steel

charles i. letbetter - the last super bowl ads review

Just because one doesn’t have kids doesn’t make us immune to their charms

I feel as though I have spent the entire week doing nothing but looking at Super Bowl ads and teasers. I haven’t, mind you, it just feels that way. I’m now hungry, want a new car, and need a cold beer. CBS managed to sell a tremendous amount of air time for this game. In fact, I’ve wondered more than once if, once the total times are tallied, there might be more ad than there is game; that is certainly a possibility with a variable-length broadcast. We’ve seen previous games that went long and ads had to be re-run in order to cover all the timeout spots. I don’t think we’re in much danger of that this year, though. There are more than enough ads to go around.

Not all of them are going to be good, however, and I fully expect to see some pushback on the commercial from SoFi, which classifies people as great or not great without ever explaining exactly what they mean by “great.” In the same category, the new PayPal ad is going to come across as hypocritical to anyone who actually has tried to use the system and ran afoul of their myriad rules and regulations. SunTrust is a newcomer to the game, but their ad borders on being depressing. Maybe the Super Bowl isn’t the best time in the world to be talking about financial services.

There are also several brands that are keeping their lips shut about the ads they’ll be showing on Sunday. Coca-Cola finally revealed that they’re partnering with Marvel for their ad, but that’s about all we know. Buick, ChryslerFiat, Marmot, TurboTax and Disney have teased at the content of their ads, but none of those teasers really have me waiting with baited breath for the finished product. Knowing the production quality Coke puts into everything, I’m betting on that one to be in the top five come game day.

Of all the ads I’ve suffered through, there is still a handful that I think will play well. Some might even be inspiring. Certainly, one that is aiming to make you stop and put down your beer for a second is the ad from Mini USA. The ad, called “Defy Labels,” features major athletes and celebrities who themselves defy the labels that might be projected upon them. In an age where we’re all about labeling people who we think are different than us, the commercial sends a powerful message. Take a look:

https://youtu.be/Y9XqYAzbmTI

Also falling into that serious tone is a commercial from WeatherTech, a manufacturer of automotive floor covers. It feels a bit strange putting this in our review because I don’t really expect our readers to recognize the brand. While theirs may not be the sexiest of products, in fact, theirs is probably one of the most overlooked features of any automobile, their ad hits a strong patriotic nerve that is likely to resonate well during this election year. This is WeatherTech’s third time advertising in the big game, and given the price of a spot we have to assume it’s working for them. Here’s the ad:

I only wish they all did as good a job at holding my attention for 30 seconds. Sadly, they don’t and this wouldn’t be an honest review if I said otherwise. Ads by LG, Kia, and Apartments.com bring some big star power to their ads, but in the end were either just too silly or left us scratching our heads (did the guy in the Kia commercial ever get to put on socks?). Of course, schtick is part and parcel of game day advertising, I get that. It’s just that only a few do it really well. Two that you’re likely to remember are the ads for the Honda Ridgeline and Avocados from Mexico. Both are heavy on the campiness but still manage to leave you giggling rather than looking for a place to throw up. Here they both are:

https://youtu.be/kTaCT8ZmdJA

https://youtu.be/1ndPEQCoSzk

Then, there are the ads that are funniest if you remember what the brand did last year. It’s easy when we review these things because I can always go back and check the original. During the game, that’s a bit more challenging. Winning that category is Snickers. Remember that Brady Bunch-themed ad where Danny Trejo takes the place of Jan Brady? That one peaked ad meters everywhere. This year, they went with William DeFoe and a much more classic setting. Take a look:

https://youtu.be/WhfntLl6xx0

The ad I think is most likely to have people talking after the game is actually from the NFL itself. This made the hours of review worthwhile. They gathered together people who were conceived after their parents’ favorite team won the Super Bowl. How, exactly, they did this, I can’t imagine. Without question, a tremendous effort was involved just trying to identify people who fit such a vary narrow criteria. Then, re-writing the song by Seal, getting Seal to help sing the song, teaching the song to children … this is one very ambitious commercial. What’s more, it could potentially spell bad news for Stephen Colbert whose show is on right after the game. If football fans get the idea for sex in their heads, Colbert is the last thing they’re likely to watch once the game is over. Unfortunately, only a 60-second version of the spot airs during the game. So, aren’t you happy I have the whole three-minute version for you here? You’re welcome. Enjoy.

So many cute little faces! And there are plenty of babies and children through all the ads. There are still several, including Taco Bell, Doritos, and Butterfinger, that could very well end up being huge hits, and there are still four more ads from Budweiser we’ve not yet seen. I won’t speak to the quality of the game, but the ads are definitely not boring this year! So, stock up on cold beer and/or soda, order plenty of wings, and sit back and enjoy.

Except for that Mountain Dew Kickstart ad. I’ve no idea what the folks at BBDO were thinking. Leave the room for that one. Trust me.

Current Issues / PotD

The CDC Is Victim Blaming

February 5, 2016

charles i. letbetter - CDC is victim blaming

You cannot have maternal health without reproductive health. And reproductive health includes contraception and family planning and access to legal, safe abortion.—Hillary Clinton

charles i. letbetter - maternal instincts vs. the cdc

Having a uterus should not in any way limit a woman’s activity, regardless of what her future plans may or may not be

Yep, I’m going there. While I, myself, can never bear children (for which I am intensely thankful), most of my favorite people in the world can, and many have. That factor is naturally limiting to some degree I suppose. Scheduling get-togethers can be a nightmare when one has children. Budgets are strained when one has children. Fatigue is often a factor when one has children, as is stress and worry. However, at no point would I, or any other sane person, suggest that women should limit their activity in any way, shape or form simply because they have, or might have at some point down the line, a child. Yet, that is exactly what the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) just did.

The assessment comes in Vital Signs, the CDC’s monthly health report and to say it is insulting to women is putting it mildly. Even the CDC’s press release is offensive when, right off the bat, it states: “Sexually active women who stop using birth control should stop drinking alcohol, but most keep drinking.” Yes, you read that correctly. It is the CDC’s opinion that, should you have any ability to have children, then you should either be on birth control or not drink. Ever.

What many women find especially offensive, and I wholeheartedly support their outrage, is this infographic the CDC released with the report:

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Now, let’s be totally fair before we go off flaming the entire report. Yes, fetal alcohol syndrome is a totally preventable problem and yes, women who continue drinking heavily during the first 4-6 weeks of pregnancy, when not everyone knows they’re pregnant, is a problem. And yes, if one is intentionally trying to get pregnant, then abstaining from alcohol is just one of a very long list of adjustments one makes. Those portions of the report are based upon real science and are backed with several years of empirical scientific evidence.

However, not all the statements in the report are weighted equally. Much of the information related to women who are not pregnant is a derivation of data collected by the National Survey of Family Growth. Surveys, while useful for studies of social behavior at a given point in time, are not science. They can be flawed in hundreds of different ways from the type of questions asked, to the tone of voice used by the person asking, to how participants are chosen. Under no circumstances should the results of such surveys ever be considered anything more than opinion, not fact. Yet, that is exactly the error the CDC has made. As a result, they come up with some really offensive and scientifically unsupportable statements.

I’m running almost 48 hours late with my response here. What angers me is the inference that women who drink are sexually irresponsible. Such an attitude feeds directly into the infuriating rape culture which we screamed about yesterday. Anyone who takes advantage of a woman who is drunk or otherwise impaired is committing rape. Women who are drunk cannot give informed consent for sex and should, therefore, be left alone! To blame women for pregnancy or the transmission of disease during the course of a rape is wholly and unapologetically immoral ! Way to blame the victim, CDC.

Understandably, condemnation of the report, and especially that damn infographic, has been swift and severe. Here are a few you might want to read:

Yes, we understand what the CDC is trying to do in eliminating any chance of fetal alcohol syndrome. But so much of what they are recommending in this report actually relies not merely on abstinence from alcohol, but regular medical screenings and readily available birth control, something the US Congress has repeatedly attempted to make impossible by defunding Planned Parenthood. Sorry, you can’t have it both ways folks. If you want healthy babies, you have to fund health care for mommies, especially those at greatest risk.

We should also mention that women who might be planning to become pregnant are already concerned about the Zika virus, which is still new but poses a potentially greater threat. Can we expect the CDC to also suggest that women who don’t use bug spray are equally irresponsible?

Fetal alcohol syndrome is a problem, we get that, but I would challenge that victim blaming and perpetuation of the rape culture is an even larger problem that affects the health of both women and children far more substantially than does drinking alcohol. Blaming women for rape and sexual assault, which this report inherently does, is inexcusable. Shape up, CDC. Use science and abandon the good ol’ boy mentality that is dangerous to women.

Current Issues / PotD

Avoiding Bad Blizzard Sex

January 24, 2016

My favorite thing of all time is a New York City weekend when there’s a blizzard. Everything gets really quiet, and everyone goes to the movies and the park.—Idina Menzel

Stop and think: do you really want to be handcuffed to that person if the power goes out?

This has been a crazy weekend, has it not? New York is reporting 26.8 inches of snow, officially; the second largest snowfall since 1869. The #JonasBlizzard logged the most snow ever in Baltimore, second heaviest at Dulles International Airport. In keeping with tradition, no one knows exactly how much snow fell in Washington, D.C., because they’re still arguing over how to measure the white stuff. The good news is that at least the snow has stopped falling. The bad news is that now comes the problem of getting rid of the frozen wonderland. Flooding has already started in New Jersey and several other areas. It could still be several days before the majority of roads are passable and people’s lives are back to normal.

Of course, as Idina mentions above, a little snow doesn’t stop New Yorkers. By the time you’re reading this, New York’s travel ban should be lifted and people will be getting out, making their way to Central Park, and trying to make the best of the situation. Aged rock star Steven Tyler even found a CNN live report to bomb, which may actually be one of the most interesting things to happen in the past 24 hours.

One of the biggest challenges now is avoiding bad sex and keeping yourself from participating in the seemingly inevitable spike in births currently scheduled for late September. Sure, I know we told you to make new friends to help keep you warm, but do you really want these people to hang around all summer, smelling things up, putting their stinky feet on your coffee table, and taking over your life in ways you never imagined? No, of course you don’t. The last thing you want is to encourage your blizzard buddies to linger by having sex with them. Even worse, you definitely don’t want to have bad sex with them and chances are high that any sex you would have at this juncture would not be the best ever. Let’s not make this blizzard any more of a disaster than it already is, okay?

Don’t worry, we’ve got your back, metaphorically speaking. Here are some tips you can use to avoid having bad blizzard sex.

Don’t. Just don’t. For the love of warm bagels and cream cheese, show some restraint for once why don’t you? Do you really want to risk going into the fall with a newborn, or a partner that acts like one? Having sex with someone you didn’t know well before the blizzard destroys any chance for you to have a long and meaningful friendship. Two days in the snow is not enough time for you to really get to know each other, no matter how many secrets you spilled after you were three beers into Friday night. Don’t go there. Don’t. Stop it. Don’t even entertain the idea.
Stay ready for further emergencies. Just because the snow has stopped falling doesn’t mean the worst of this blizzard is over. There will be flooding. Power outages may still happen. You might need to evacuate quickly and without warning. Stop and think for a minute: do you really want to be handcuffed to that person if the power goes out? Would you want first responders breaking down your door and finding you struggling to get back into your footed pajamas? No, that isn’t a risk you dare take. You must remain alert and vigilant until your guest(s) leaves.
Keep all your adult toys well hidden. Despite the weel-long warnings that this was going to be a “blizzard for the ages,” no one really prepared for the thing until late Thursday afternoon. You may not have picked up your stray friend until Friday. Nothing says bad sex like someone discovering your box of sexual indulgences and asking, “What are these?” Even worse is the question, “Can you show me how these work?” Now is not the time for you to take up teaching remedial sex education. Should your temporary body heat buddy come across your stash, pretend they were left by a former roommate and then, for added measure, suggest they could be covered with some STI. That should keep you safe.
Use Netflix to determine their sexual maturity. This one might be a bit complicated for some of you, so pay attention. From within Netflix, enter category number 1402, which takes you to Late Night Comedies. Be sure, there is nothing here that is socially redeemable or actually funny. These are disastrous films made for adolescent minds. So, as you’re scrolling through the list, should your would-be partner give any indication that they’ve not only seen but actually enjoyed any of these movies, you definitely don’t want to have sex with them. If you are unsure, start one of the movies. If they giggle at the first sight of bare boobs, you know you’re in trouble. Kick them out into the snow. Now.
Go for a walk in the snow. This is the real reason you find all those people in Central Park after the city gets socked in. You’ve been cooped up with this person (or these people) since Thursday or Friday. Your decision-making ability is not as strong as it should be. Get out, taking a walk, cool down. The cold air will help you snap to your senses and remind you of all the things that could go wrong if you have sex with this person. Can they even tell the difference between a tube of lube and a tube of toothpaste? What would happen if you had to introduce this person to your mother? Walking in the snow is great for clearing your head, and if you’re lucky maybe the dimwit will get lost in a snowbank and you won’t need to worry any further.

Hopefully, that is enough to engage your creative juices, as opposed to those associated with adult copulation. Obviously, if you are sequestered with someone you already love and cherish, nothing here applies. We still encourage restraint unless you really want a September baby. Maybe you’ll get lucky and your Ob/Gyn will have a half-price sale due to all the volume. One thing for sure, though, is that sex with someone you just brought in from the cold is definitely not going to be good. What happens in your fantasies doesn’t exist in real life.

Perhaps it’s time to warm up another frozen pizza. Good luck.

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Oreos Flavors With Love For Everyone

January 20, 2016

Health food may be good for the conscience but Oreos taste a hell of a lot better.—Robert Redford

His mommy was NOT happy when I gave him his first Oreos, but he’s grown up fine.

For all the health food fanatics out there claiming that GMOs and other nasty things in our food are waiting to kill us, the general public isn’t paying a great deal of attention. In fact, sales of what are considered “junk food” have been on the rebound the past two years. Leading the pack is an old-fashioned cookie that has become a national obsession: Oreos.

Introduced by the National Biscuit Company (Nabisco) in 1912 Oreos almost immediately became a best-seller in the cookie department. Just as quickly, Americans found different ways of eating them: dunked or not dunked, whole or split open, eating the filling first or not. Verbal battles have erupted over what is the correct way to eat Oreos and I’ve even seen cookies thrown in anger because someone didn’t eat their Oreos correctly. I wish I could say that had been a child displaying such behavior, but it wasn’t.

Our national obsession with the brand seems to have reached new levels. CBS Late Show host Stephen Colbert mentioned Oreos, or rather the lack thereof, on one of his first broadcasts last fall and the company hooked him up, complete with a hotline for ordering more should his supply ever run low. In return, Colbert has repeatedly mentioned the brand in his monolog.

Colbert isn’t the only celebrity that has been pulled into the Oreos marketing web, though. Popular musicians such as Kacey Musgraves, Owl City, Tegan and Sara and Chiddy Bang have been part of the brand’s growing Open Up With Oreo campaign that is rolling out to over 50 countries in the first half of this year. Yesterday (January 19) Billboard announced that American Idol alum Adam Lambert had joined the effort as well, with his music backing new 30-second and 15-second animated commercials. Take a look:

https://youtu.be/wN0G9qdMDYI

One of the reasons Oreos are appealing to Lambert and many others is their consistent message of inclusiveness. Oreos are for everyone. Underscoring that position is the habit of constantly rolling out new flavors for the filling. Nabisco (which is owned by Kraft) has been careful to keep supplies of the special flavors limited, which helps both in keeping demand high and preventing flavors from becoming boring. The latest flavor, also announced yesterday, is Cinnamon Bun. The resulting ad, which also brings back the Red Velvet flavor, is called Wonder Vault and hints at many more flavors to come. Whether those are new flavors or simply the return of previous favorites is not yet known. Here’s the ad:

https://youtu.be/Bji57u_NCF4

Company representatives have also hinted that the two flavors are now a permanent part of the Oreo lineup. Take that proclamation with a grain of salt, though. If sales lag, be sure the company will pull a flavor from shelves for a while to be brought back later. Such is the nature of Oreos supply and demand.

What remains consistent, and shows no sign of abating, however, are American’s love for that original cookie. The only person who doesn’t seem to like the cookie is a certain presidential candidate who is upset that parent company Mondelez moved some of its operations not related to Oreos to Mexico. Do we really want to trust the running of the country to someone who doesn’t like Oreos? To paraphrase a previous president from the same party, I don’t think that would be a prudent move at this juncture.

And as for any concerns about the health dangers of eating too many Oreos, I tend to defer to Mark Twain’s approach to the subject:

“Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.”

pop culture / PotD

#IShouldNotBeAllowed

January 11, 2016

#IShouldNotBeAllowed to restore paintings when I’m drunk —Charley Kaye (@charley_ck14)

Emery should not be allowed to make a snack of his mommy’s nose

There are a lot of interesting topics that get attention on social media. Most of them are pure nonsense; we leave them alone and roll our eyes when they show up in our feeds. There are details of one’s life that the rest of us really do not find interesting. #IShouldNotBeAllowed is an exception, however, because not only can I personally think of several things that I should never be allowed to do, I can also think of similar lists for every member of my family and several friends.

We all have those moments when we know damn good and well that we ought not to do something, but we go right ahead and do it anyway. Think of those times when you’ve gone just one drink past your limit, and then another, and another, and …. Or think of that time you thought drunk texting that person you just met would be really cute, and it wasn’t. I’m sure you could add to the list. I know I can, and am going to do so at the end of this paragraph. Before I do, though, be aware that if you want to join in the fun just navigate your way to https://twitter.com/hashtag/IShouldNotBeAllowed and enjoy. Now, here’s my list:

#IShouldNotBeAllowed

to drink more than five cups of coffee within a two-hour period of time; the world isn’t ready for me to be that hyper.
to edit when I’m angry; those pictures just never turn out quite right.
to play with small children when their parents aren’t looking; I will give them Oreo® Doublestuffs™ and then take pictures.
to “sample” the wine while cooking; dinner will be burned and there won’t be any wine left.
to “make myself at home” when there’s clearly no place to set 23 half-empty coffee cups.
to assist with any home repair involving electricity; there are some things homeowners insurance doesn’t cover.
to sleep in an upright position with my head back; no, that wasn’t an earthquake, it was me snoring.
to go out drinking with people half my age; the poor children can’t keep up without puking.
to light my pipe when I’m half asleep; there’s no repairing the burn holes in my pants—or your pants if you’re sitting too close.
to fly across the country within 46 hours of having eaten at Taco Bell®; flight attendants aren’t paid enough to deal with that.

I should take a break here and mention that not everything following the #IShouldNotBeAllowed hashtag needs to be serious. After all, there genuinely are things no one should be allowed to do. Ever. Let me just throw out a few things that come to mind that I shouldn’t do, and neither should you.

#IShouldNotBeAllowed

to believe everything I read on the Internet; we both know damn good and well most of it isn’t true.
to vote for someone who already has more money in the bank than the yearly budget of my home town; the rich only look out for the rich.
to brandish a weapon when there is no immediate threat nor cause; intimidation of any kind is being a bully and that’s not acceptable behavior.
to interfere with the personal rights of others even if I disagree with how they exercise those rights; everyone has a right to live as they see fit.
to let a belief system trump scientific concensus; believing an airplane can’t fly won’t keep a well-engineered craft on the ground.
to ignore or disregard expert opinion just because I disagree with it; ignorance doesn’t fit anyone well.
to disparage any person because of their race or national origin; there is no race, we are all the same species: human. We are one family.
to steal from the poor and the ignorant in the name of religion; the demons you fear are of your own making.
to demand my fair share when those around me have no share at all; greed is an ugly color and will be our downfall.
to let my fears determine how I respond to another person; I probably look just as scary and threatening to them.

We could probably go on all day with this sort of thing, but I’m fairly sure at least one of us has some actual work to get done. If you think of more, just hop on Twitter and add them. I’ll be watching for a while and can’t wait to see what you post. Be sure to tag me: @charlesletbette so I’ll see what you shouldn’t be allowed to do!

pop culture / PotD

The Final Countdown(s)

November 22, 2015

I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality… I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.—Martin Luther King, Jr.

We’re hurtling toward the end of the year and that means we only have ten, count ’em, #POTD posts left before we take our December break. So, we’re going to spend these final few days with pictures that we weren’t able to make fit anywhere else and counting down a number of things we think are fun and important.

There’s no real cohesive point to the images. Some, like today’s, are quite old by digital standards. The Legends Football League’s Cynthing Schmidt was only 19 years old when we took this picture. Now, you’ll find her popping up in places like Sports Illustrated’s Lovely Lady of the Day feature. She seems to have done quite well for herself, but that has absolutely nothing to do with today’s list.

10 Things We Need To Do Before The End Of The Year

Kiss A Baby.
Chances are, unless you live in a cave with absolutely no interaction with anyone, you know someone who has a baby, or at least a toddler. Nothing is as calming and joyful as being slobbered upon by a six-month-old who thinks you taste good.

Spend five minutes doing nothing but petting an animal. Animals are wonderful givers of affection and are surprisingly effective at de-stressing humans. Just be selective about the animal. Lions and fish aren’t so cuddly.

Take an online class. Yep, there’s still time for you to actually accomplish something so that you’re not totally embarrassed while visiting with family over the holidays. Mashable has a good list here.

Donate some time to a charity. This time of year, charities who directly help the poor need more than just money, they need your time. Packing and distributing food take a lot of effort. If you have children, make it a family affair. The lesson in giving is invaluable.

Count your blessings. Seriously. Pen. Paper. Write. Do it the old-fashioned way so that it actually sticks in your head how fortunate you’ve been this year. Then, seal it in an envelope to open next year when you’re feeling blue.

Try the new Oreos® churros. Seriously. They’re real. Check here for details. The holidays are time for special treats, right? J&J Foods just gave us the best present ever. You know you want to try them. Go ahead. Give in. We won’t tell.

Read a book. You’ve been meaning to do that all year, but somehow the time just slips away. There are a lot of lists with great titles from which to choose. We rather like the choices at NPR Books, or just visit a bookstore and browse!

Join a sing-a-long. The world is full of timid singers that would never dare to sing in public on their own, but one of the joys of this time of year is that several groups sponsor community sing-a-longs, usually featuring holiday songs that everyone knows. Look around and find one near you.

Wrap something different in bacon. There is no going wrong with bacon. I’ve put it around food I otherwise detest and it totally changes my ability to down brussel sprouts. I’m thinking bacon wrapped sugar cookies sounds like a good idea.

Thank a service member. Holidays can be especially tough for those who are away from their families. Remember, the US military is comprised totally of volunteers. Show them some appreciation for their sacrifice.

This is your final chance to keep the year from totally sucking and should keep you busy for a moment or two. Should you become bored, don’t worry, we have more lists coming all week!

PotD

Growing Up Too Fast

October 10, 2015

Uh-oh, Dirt; How Did That Get There?

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.—Phyllis Diller

[one_half padding=”4px 10px 0 4px”]All too quickly, our week of baby pictures comes to an end. I could easily go another week or more, but I’ll save those for another time. We need to move on here, just as babies move on with their little lives, growing up right in front of our eyes. Growing up happens much too quickly from a parent’s perspective, and too slowly from the child’s. Growing up is why we take pictures, so we have a record, so we can look back and prove that we really were tiny, cute, and cuddly. While our personalities develop in ways that may make us grumpy and prickly, pictures show us that we were once small, and probably even lovable.

None of us actually remembers growing up. If your parents took a lot of pictures and tell a lot of stories, it can feel like you remember that period of your life, but fortunately, we forget the sensation of sitting in a wet, poopy diaper and being force-fed strained peas. We forget the frustration of being immobile, or the fear of thinking that anything, or anyone, not directly in our line of sight was gone forever. Be thankful we don’t remember trying to put everything we touch into our mouths, or that diaper rash that your mom could never quite get to go away. Growing up definitely has its advantages.[/one_half]

[one_half_last padding=”4px 4px 0 10px”]When it comes to our own children, though, growing up is something that happens much too quickly. We put them to bed at night, and wake up the next morning to find they’ve grown two sizes. They go from nursing to demanding pizza in a heart beat. When someone says one of my sons’ names, my first thought is still of them being little and riding on my shoulders. Now, they’re all well over six feet tall and could more easily carry me than I them. Birthdays whiz by at alarming speed and our babies go from playing with cars to driving them.

Watching your kids growing up is challenging not merely because we lose the baby and trade them in for adults, but because all the while they’re growing up, we’re growing old. There’s no escaping either condition, no matter how much skin cream one uses or in how good of shape one stays. By the time our children are grown enough to be out of the house, we’re old enough to be ready to sell it and move to an apartment near a beach. Life is rather cruel that way, isn’t it?

Growing up is inevitable. Growing up happy is a gift. Having pictures to remember it all is a treasure. [/one_half_last]

PotD

Uncontained Cuteness

October 9, 2015

While On A Walk

Little girls are cute and small only to adults. To one another they are not cute. They are life-sized.—Margaret Atwood

[one_half padding=”4px 10px 0 4px”]I once heard someone say that Humans would never have survived as a species were it not for the fact our babies come filled with cuteness. Otherwise, ancient parents would have killed them the first time they threw up on mom’s favorite loin cloth, dented dad’s new wheel, or drew on the cave walls. Being cute is a necessity for a child to survive. I’m not sure how much they realize that their ability to live to the ripe old age of ten relies on their cuteness, but it certainly does. Just because we live in a modern, slightly more civilized and allegedly forward thinking age we don’t occasionally think about how nice it would be to sleep past 6:00 AM on a Saturday.

Cuteness isn’t necessarily distributed evenly, though, even among children. Adults don’t like to admit that, but we know it’s true. Our firstborn had a way about him, an ability to look up at someone with those big blue eyes, and just cause any adult to melt. Neither of his brothers could do that. We still loved the other two, of course, but we didn’t get stopped at the grocery store to compliment them the way we did with the first one. Cuteness comes in varying degrees and some kids get it by the barrel full while other have to quickly learn to either be cute or get used to sitting around in dirty diapers all the time.[/one_half]

[one_half_last padding=”4px 4px 0 10px”]Sometimes I think little girls get more of a break in the cuteness department. We put things in their hair, or if they don’t have hair we give them darling little headbands wth flowers the size of their skull and that distracts adults enough to think the kid is cute. The only accessory a little boy gets is dirt. Even with dirt, though, girls get more attention. Any time a girl gets dirty, it’s cute. When a boy does the same thing, we just dump him in the tub and blame his father. No one ever likes to think of cuteness being sexist, but it is, and it always has been in most places, excusing those moments in history when being a girl could get you killed.

Most kids hit that period of unrestrained cuteness about the time they’re four months old, and typically hold on to it right up until the point they grab hold of the tablecloth and send the entire Thanksgiving dinner crashing to the floor, or smear lipstick all over Mommy’s new Dior dress, or do something to send the neighbor kid to the hospital in an ambulance.

Cuteness doesn’t last forever, which is a sad thing. I know more than a few adults who would have done well to hold on to theirs. [/one_half_last]

PotD

Bath Time Memories

October 7, 2015

Pure Innocence

There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won’t cure, but I don’t know many of them.—Sylvia Plath

[one_half padding=”4px 10px 0 4px”]One of the most interesting experiences is bathing a baby. I can’t speak to anyone else’s experience, but it was quite possibly the most fun ever had in our kitchen. The little infant tub fit nicely across the kitchen sink and we’d carefully make sure the water was all nice and warm before getting the baby wet. Of course, he’d immediately pee all over the place once his skin touched water, so we’d pick him up, sanitize everything again, and then put him back down in the tub. This was quite possibly the most perfect ending to any day. Their little laughs and splashes not only got them clean, but momentarily wash away all those parental anxieties that plague your mind when you have a little one.

I think one of the main reasons babies like baths so much is that the warm water reminds them of being in the womb, except that now they actually have room to squirm and move around. They aren’t quite sure what to do the first time or two; it takes a while to get accustomed to having all that space. I think it was our second one that took nearly two weeks to adjust. Being unswaddled was an anxious moment for him. We learned to strip him down to his diaper and give him a few moments to get used to the air meeting his bare skin before putting him in the bath. Once they adjust, though, they love every minute in the water. They love the warmth, the liquid, and the attention.[/one_half]

[one_half_last padding=”4px 4px 0 10px”]The down-side is that babies are slippery when wet. Did you ever try taking a shower while holding a baby? It sounded like a good idea: have some bonding time with the little guy, save some water and time. Babies become the most slippery objects on the planet once they’re wet, though, and holding on to them is practically impossible. He loved the spray of the water and would start kicking and laughing as babies are prone to do when excited. I had to call for backup before I dropped the little bugger. Baths in a tub are much safer when sitting down anyway. We quickly abandoned that idea.

Of course, once they’re big enough to sit up a bit on their own, the kitchen sink is the perfect size for a little one’s bath. Just toss them in like a load of dishes, except leave out the dishes; that’s another one of those things that isn’t quite as good an idea in practice as it may sound. Every baby tries to nurse the kitchen faucet while sitting in the sink, which makes for awkward pictures to show their first, second, eighteenth girlfriend. Who knows, should one of them ever get married, maybe we’ll pull out those pictures for the reception.

Bath time was some of the best memories ever. I rather miss that. They grow up too soon, you leave them alone in the bath, and next thing you know they’re moving out on their own.[/one_half_last]

PotD

Let Sleeping Babies Lie

October 6, 2015

Ballets and teddy bears

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.—Leo J. Burke

[one_half padding=”4px 10px 0 4px”]I never knew how important sleeping is until we had a baby. Not so much my sleeping, mind you, but the baby’s sleeping. It really is a big deal and, like much of everything else, it varies greatly from one child to the next. All three of our boys were different. The first apparently read the textbook while he was in the womb and followed it quite precisely. He spoiled us. The second didn’t read anything and came out ready to play, not sleep. EVER. The third, bless his little heart, slept through the night from day one. That seemed to upset the pediatric nurses, but when you’re on baby number three you’ve learned: let sleeping babies lie.

When you’re about to be a new parent, you slowly become aware of just how much work this new child is going to be. Your life patterns and routines are going to be dramatically altered. As you consider the growing list of things you’ll need to do, you begin to wonder how it is all going to fit. Then, you tell yourself the biggest lie ever: “I’ll get it done while the baby is sleeping.” No, you won’t. By the time that precious little squirt finally falls asleep, you’ll be too exhausted to do anything else. You decide laundry can wait, dishes can wait, exercise can wait; pretty much everything can wait while you take a quick nap.[/one_half]

[one_half_last padding=”4px 4px 0 10px”]”Put your baby on a schedule,” pediatricians and mommy blogs tell you. Yeah, right, like a baby can read a schedule. That approach might work once, if the child decides to agree, but be prepared to negotiate the sleeping schedule with your infant. Be prepared to lose those negotiations. The baby doesn’t understand a thing you’re saying. They’ll either laugh and coo because the big people look so funny when talking to the baby, or they’ll cry and spit up because, even at two-weeks-old, they’ve already had enough of your bullshit. Trying to put babies on a sleeping schedule is like trying to walk a cat on a leash: just because someone on the Internet says they did it doesn’t mean it’s actually possible with your child/cat.

Before you know it, your entire world revolves around the baby’s sleeping schedule. Getting them down for a nap is a precise routine you could, and sometimes do, perform with your eyes shut. You warn friends to not call or drop by while the baby is sleeping. You re-arrange your schedule, your meal times, and your entire life. There is no force or power on earth as strong as that of a sleeping baby. Be very quiet and tiptoe away.[/one_half_last]

PotD

Diaper Changing Stations

October 5, 2015

Dad’s Hat

Always remember your kid’s name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don’t let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers… for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces.—Amy Poehler

[one_half padding=”4px 10px 0 4px”]I still remember the first time I changed my eldest son’s diaper. Everything was so tiny. The diaper was tiny. His butt was tiny. The poop was tiny. Changing that first diaper made everything seem so easy. And while, on an intellectual level, I knew that the amount of poop in the diaper would grow and that it wouldn’t always be so easy, my feeling in those first hours of his little life was one of confidence. Diaper changing? Not a problem. We’ve got this. This whole baby thing is going to be a breeze.

Yeah, that was total naiveté at its worst. Not only was there not sufficient warning as to the extreme amounts of excrement this child would produce, I did not have the experience in greased pig wrangling that one needs to adequately diaper any child more than one-month-old. Sure, we had heard horror stories, but we never thought that our darling little boy would ever produce such a challenge. We watched what we fed him, we monitored what Mom ate while he was nursing, and we even carefully measured the amounts and types of liquid in his bottles. We really thought we had a handle on things. We couldn’t have been more wrong.

Our little guy was about four months old when disaster struck. It was a bright, sunny, Saturday morning. We had dropped off Mommy and were on our way back home when I heard a noise from the back seat that caused me to shudder. By the time we arrived at home, the fragrance was enough to tell me that we had not encountered anything quite like this. I knew that this wasn’t going to be the average diaper change, but when I opened the car door and realized that his entire car seat was covered in poop, I momentarily stepped back and questioned where I might borrow a hazmat suit. EVERYTHING in the back seat of the car had to be cleaned. Who knew one little boy’s bottom could be so very explosive.[/one_half]

[one_half_last padding=”4px 4px 0 10px”]At least we were home to take care of that particular disaster. Even more challenging, if that’s possible, is trying to change a baby using one of the baby changing stations found in public restrooms. Like most parents, we generally avoided having to use those questionably-secured plastic tables largely because one could never be too certain as to how clean they might be. There are times, however, when one really doesn’t have a choice. When you look at your child and realize that the poop has gone up their back and into their hair, you can’t just do a quick change with the baby in the stroller. You need access to water and towels.

Unfortunately, public diaper changing stations are frequently ill-positioned to actually treat the worst diaper encounters. Whomever thought it was a good idea to put a diaper changing station inside a bathroom stall was an absolute idiot. If a parent is desperate enough to use a public changing station, they need access to a sink and warm water, not a toilet. We also need access to paper towels; not because we’re going to use them on the baby, but we’re going to want to coat that plastic changing station in as many paper towels as possible before putting down a changing pad, and then we may even want to coat the pad as a precaution. Changing a baby on a public diaper station just has way too many challenges.

I’m glad my boys have long left the days of diapers behind. I don’t wish to ever be in that position again, and am happy to walk right past most diaper changing stations. There is one diaper changing station we all need to frequent, though, and that’s the voting booth. As Mark Twain famously said, babies and politicians need to be changed for the same reason. Consider the voting booth your political diaper changing station and don’t be afraid to use it. Baby wipes optional. [/one_half_last]

Photography / PotD

Babies, Then More Babies

October 4, 2015

A Moment With C-Ma (2013)

Make no mistake about why these babies are here – they are here to replace us.—Jerry Seinfeld

[one_half padding=”4px 10px 0 4px”]Babies. Why? Because you need a break from al the nudes and I need a break from trying to pander to you. These pictures may not be as popular, though they should be, but they make me happy, sort of. I love the wonder with which they come into the world, all fresh, curious, frightened but ready to explore. I enjoy watching them try new things, and the excitement on their faces when they do something for the first time. I love capturing the expressions on a baby’s face because they don’t know to hold back or hide their feelings yet.

The thing about babies is they grow up much too quickly. One day they’re tiny and sweet and the next they’re up on top of the refrigerator sneaking the cookies you thought you’d hidden so well. Some grow up into wonderful little humans. Others grow up to be just as bratty as their parents; at least, one of their parents. How many exasperated mothers have I met whose unruly and difficult children took after the other parent, the one who wasn’t there? More than a few, to be sure. Not that mothers don’t hold their share of influence, mind you. You know when your child is behaving just like you.

Fortunately, not all of one’s personality is shaped by nature. Every child has the chance to be better than its parents. [/one_half]

[one_half_last padding=”4px 4px 0 10px”]My favorite pictures are newborns, especially within that first 24 hours of a new life. There is something about that freshness, the look in their eyes, the absolute innocence, that makes for great pictures. They don’t need to be posed, and personally I rather resent those who take little ones and try to be all cutsie and artsy by putting them in pots or baskets for their first pictures. Newborns simply need to be held, to be loved, to be given little kisses and friendly smiles. Even when we unswaddle a newborn for pictures, we don’t leave them that way long. They need comfort and care more than we need 300 shots of an increasingly frustrated and frightened infant.

So, this week we’re looking at babies, all under a year old. Each of these little ones have grown a lot and are becoming amazing little people. While it’s fun to see who they become, it never fails to make me smile to look back and see how their lives began. Babies give me hope that maybe, just maybe, the world won’t always be as full of assholes as it is now. Babies give me hope that the world can learn to love.

As long as their parents don’t blow it.[/one_half_last]

babies

You won’t see this on the front page

The Short Version

First up, about those snakes …

Some problems are slightly larger

People love their pets

Happy Birthday to us!

The preacher was caught bare

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‘Tis a cold wind that blows

A severe lack of intelligence

A most deplorable hate crime

A continued assault on women and gender

Significant change for the military

And finally …

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Nope, 2016 is still not done

A Mother and Daughter Together

Important Notice For Heart Patients

A Two-State Solution

And The Hits Just Keep Coming

And finally …

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Dipping The News In 40-Grade Sarcasm

1. Country girls need to sober up

2. Getting Government Out Of The Womb

3. The Poor Don’t Get To Retire

4. Don’t Light That Candle

5. And Finally …

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It’s not that hard to imagine the natural world recovering it’s health in our absence: it’s more difficult, and more necessary, to imagine it recovering its health in our presence. —Alex Steffen

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A bad review is like baking a cake with all the best ingredients and having someone sit on it.—Danielle Steel

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You cannot have maternal health without reproductive health. And reproductive health includes contraception and family planning and access to legal, safe abortion.—Hillary Clinton

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My favorite thing of all time is a New York City weekend when there’s a blizzard. Everything gets really quiet, and everyone goes to the movies and the park.—Idina Menzel

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Health food may be good for the conscience but Oreos taste a hell of a lot better.—Robert Redford

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#IShouldNotBeAllowed to restore paintings when I’m drunk —Charley Kaye (@charley_ck14)

#IShouldNotBeAllowed

#IShouldNotBeAllowed

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I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality… I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.—Martin Luther King, Jr.

10 Things We Need To Do Before The End Of The Year

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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.—Phyllis Diller

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Little girls are cute and small only to adults. To one another they are not cute. They are life-sized.—Margaret Atwood

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There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won’t cure, but I don’t know many of them.—Sylvia Plath

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People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.—Leo J. Burke

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Always remember your kid’s name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don’t let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers… for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces.—Amy Poehler

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Make no mistake about why these babies are here – they are here to replace us.—Jerry Seinfeld

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