It seems that whatever we do is somehow beyond reproach – murder, rape, drunk driving – as long as we go on a TV show and apologize.— Eric Stoltz
Rape is not a right of gender. Rape is not a right of marriage. Rape is not right. Ever.
I’m relatively certain that every woman I’ve met in the past 30 years, with maybe one or two exceptions, has been the victim of sexual violence at some point in her life. Don’t think for a second that such a statistic comes because I hang out with “that kind” of women, whatever “that kind” may be in your mind. Quite to the contrary. Women from every walk of life, religious or not, cautious or not, across every socio-economic status, across every level of education, are victims of sexual violence.
You work with them, these women who are victims. They hand you your morning coffee. They check you out at the grocery. They handle your tech support calls, your banking problems, your investments and insurance, your pious donations, and even the porn subscription you claim isn’t really yours. They sit as members of Congress, the chief executives of major corporations, and maybe even your own boss.
These women have been made victims at the hands of fathers, grandfathers, uncles, brothers, cousins, boyfriends, husbands, customers, co-workers, classmates, bosses, church workers, pastors and priests and many others who all, for some stupidly insane reason, thought they had the “right” to violate someone in the most intimate of ways possible. We have perpetuated a culture where some find it acceptable to use drugs or alcohol to coerce a young woman into sex. We have created a deplorable society wherein it is the victim, not the perpetrator, who is shamed and blamed. And being the male-dominated society we still are, we pass laws so that our sins can go without punishment.
I have been sickened over the past several years as elected officials and those running for office, those who are chosen to represent all the people, have attempted to justify rape in order to avoid funding healthcare for women. Just a few of their statements (verified by Snopes) include:
“Rape is kinda like the weather. If it’s inevitable, relax and enjoy it.” Clayton Williams (R-TX) 24 March 1990
“If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to shut that thing down.” Todd Akin (R-MO) 19 August 2012
“Rape victims should make the best of a bad situation.” Rick Santorum (R-PA) former US Senator and, until yesterday, presidential candidate. 20 January 2012
“Even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that God intended to happen.” Richard Mourdock (R-IN) 23 October 2012
“If a woman has (the right to an abortion), why shouldn’t a man be free to use his superior strength to force himself on a woman? At least the rapist’s pursuit of sexual freedom doesn’t (in most cases) result in anyone’s death.” Lawrence Lockman (D-ME) February 2014
There also seems to be a problem among professional athletes, many of whom accept plea deals for lesser charges rather than face up to the consequences of what they’ve done. Among those convicted for sexual assault are:
Kevin Allen, Philadelphia Eagles, released after 33 months
Thomas “Hollywood” Henderson, Dallas Cowboys, released after 28 months
Darren Sharper, retired NFL, lifetime probation
Nate Webster, retired NFL, 12 years
Milton Bradley, Major League Baseball, 2 years and 230 days imprisonment, plus 400 hours of community service
Chad Curtis, Major League Baseball, 7-15 years
Mel Hall, Major League Baseball, 45 years, charges involved children
Tom Payne, Atlanta Hawks (NBA), multiple counts, 15 years to life
Ruben Patterson, Seattle Supersonics, served 15 days.
Mike Tyson, boxing, served three years
Bob Hewitt, tennis, served six years of an eight-year sentence.
If that list feels short and dated, it is. Many athletes now avoid conviction by agreeing to enter some form of treatment, which further diminishes the severity of their crime. The problem is severe, but those in charge (all men) don’t want to taint the image of their sport by letting the public see just how many players are guilty of sexual assault and other violent crimes.
Most recently, and what currently has me beyond furious, is this bullshit concept of neomasculinity, as though, somehow, masculinity needs to be redefined in terms that reward aggression and domination with concepts that are misogynistic and pro-rape. These jackasses even claim to have rape clubs, though I cannot find any direct evidence of any being caught by law enforcement. The movement is headed by one particularly creepy douchebag who goes by the name RooshV. I’m sorry to say he’s an American citizen, from Maryland, who has this warped idea that rape should actually be legal so long as it occurs on private property. He’s written multiple books on “seduction,” and, until yesterday, was organizing a global meet-up of like-minded douchebags around the world this Saturday. Fortunately, as word of this massive circle jerk spread and protests began to form to disrupt the meetings, they have been cancelled, though he encourages “private” gatherings.
There is absolutely, positively, without any possible exception, no terms or conditions under which rape is justified and it certainly is not masculine. Real men respect women. Real men support women rather than take advantage of them. Real men don’t threaten or cajole. Real men don’t use positions of authority to convince women to have sex with them. Real men don’t call women “bitch,” “whore,” or “slut.” Real men understand that women have the right to maintain control of their bodies at all times.
We fully and unapologetically condemn the entire neomasculinity movement and the rape culture it perpetuates. We condemn RooshV and anyone who agrees with his dangerous and quite likely criminal methods and intentions. The time has come for real men to join women in their stance against reduced sentences and plea agreements that diminish the severity of sexual assault against women.
Rape is not masculine; never has been, never will be. Rape is a crime not just against women but against all humanity. Stop making excuses.
Stock up on all the advice we’ve given.
Bookmark your favorite posts in case of an emergency.
Make sure you 
Make the 
Order my books.
Prepare for the possibility of an Internet outage.
Contribute to my Holiday Sustenance.
Book a shoot for January.
Pray for the Second Coming.
If all else fails, buy a camera.
Try A Little Tenderness.
Spend five minutes doing nothing but petting an animal. Animals are wonderful givers of affection and are surprisingly effective at de-stressing humans. Just be selective about the animal. Lions and fish aren’t so cuddly.
Sleeping Through Sunday
I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any.—Mark Twain
None of us are sleeping as much as we should. Going back to bed may be the healthiest thing you do
I would dearly love to be sleeping right now, truly I would. Unfortunately, my body has conditioned itself to wake up at this ungodly hour, while everyone else is still sleeping, so that I can actually get some work done before the world starts getting noisy. As a result, to sleep even past 6:00 AM is a luxury rarely afforded these days. I’m not the only one, though. For the past four years, doctors have been warning that we’re not sleeping enough. Cases of insomnia are on the rise. Sure, there are sleeping pills that help some, but those also bring the chance of abuse and, in some cases, addiction. The problem isn’t just limited to the US, either. The whole world is having trouble sleeping.
What causes us to have so much trouble falling asleep and staying that way? There are a number of issues, of course, but the three most common to our contemporary first-world lifestyles are:
That third one, of course, is new, and largely limited to people in industrialized nations. In places where 24-hour wifi isn’t quite so prevalent, concerns over personal/family safety take the third spot, which is certainly understandable. In the US, especially, we have a problem putting down our phones even to sleep. Whether it’s playing some silly game, browsing the latest cat memes, or actually reading something worthwhile, we rarely turn off our phones. Making matters worse, recent studies indicate that the light emitted by our phones is bright enough that our brains mistake it for daylight so that the little trigger telling us to go to sleep gets turned off.
Such insomnia is not totally new. Throughout the twentieth century, there were plenty of things keeping our parents and grandparents awake at night. In the early part of that century, we feared becoming involved in a European war, so much so that we were almost too late to help, Then came the Great Depression and I’m not sure anyone slept much. Homelessness, poverty, unemployment, and hunger all have a way of keeping a person up at night. Then, from 1936 on, the threat of a second European war became a worry and those who remembered the first one were especially sleepless. The 1940s were a decade of war and no one sleeps well through that. Troops were back home for most of the 1950s, but the Cold War set in hard and the Red Scare had Americans wondering whether their neighbors and co-workers might be communists. Air raid drills were common in schools, making sure children didn’t sleep well, either.
By the 1960s, parents worried about war in Southeast Asia, violence around the growing Civil Rights movement, and an exploding drug problem. 1972 crushed our faith in government. 1974 introduced us to the worries of inflation. By 1979, we looked at the Middle East as our newest enemy and worried how to keep them in check. Fear of nuclear annihilation reached its peak in the 80s and we responded to any and every threat by attempting to outlaw it, sending more people to jail than the prison system could handle, most for non-violent offenses. By the 90s economics were again a major fear and this thing called the Internet threatened to change the very fabric of our society.
Society is too complex for us to not find things to worry about. My current personal list of immediate concerns is about 20 items deep, and that’s with me trying to be positive. I refuse to be pollyannish and say everything’s going to be alright. The fact that we’re not sleeping like we should is itself a warning that no, everything may yet go to hell in a handbasket.
So, why are we not sleeping through Sundays, every Sunday? I challenged my father on the topic more than once. If one is going to actually believe Old Testament mythology regarding creation, then one has to deal with the notion that, after six days of work, God rested. Throughout the Old Testament, he seemed rather adamant about that whole resting thing and to this day devout Jews struggle with the juxtaposition of secular demands to do things and their religious commandment to not do things on the Sabbath. Spending all day at church seems to me, still, as just as much a violation of that command as if one were working. One does not rest at church, at least, you’re not supposed to actually sleep through the whole thing. My father was never amused, nor moved, by that argument, though.
To me, it just makes good sense. Our bodies, and our minds, need a break. We fill our lives with so very much the other six days, we need a respite to allow our bodies to catch up, re-energize, and recuperate. We need scheduled time to laugh, to read fiction, to have pleasant conversations, to enjoy non-stressed company of friends who don’t care if the house is clean, to ponder, to appreciate. More than anything, we need to be sleeping.
Go back to bed. Chores can wait. Ducktape kids to the wall if necessary. You should be sleeping. Get to it.
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