Night was cut short despite going to bed early. I was still dressed when my head hit the pillow a little after 8 PM. Despite having spent most of the day in bed thanks to all the rain, I felt exhausted. Somewhere along the line, I did finally drop down to my base layer, but even then I wasn’t conscious enough to remember my actions. The possibility existed that I might actually wake up feeling rested.
Until 1:30 AM. Hamilton decided that was an appropriate time to go out. His signals are obvious. He shakes a couple of times, then does a fake sneeze. At that point, my only choice is to either get up, get dressed and take him out or deal with piss in the hallway later. Belvedere is pretty good about holding it for an insanely long time. Not Ham.
Of course, it was raining. We were out for three painfully long minutes before coming back in as quietly as possible, trying to not wake anyone else. I herded the dogs back to the room and shut the door to ensure that they wouldn’t roam around making noise. Ham took that as a signal he needed to jump on the bed and roll all over the place sending cats scattering across the room.
A week has passed now since I last visited Mansion Society. I miss that atmosphere and the chance to sit somewhere other than the Recovery Room and talk with someone. If you’re interested in a morning chat, please let me know. If you don’t do caffeine, they have some great homemade lemonade or original Coke in a bottle with real sugar, the way the gods intended. Consider this your contribution to my continued treatment.
One matter needs clarification this morning. Someone is spreading a rumor that at least three surgeries are necessary after recovering from chemotherapy for CLL. Generally speaking, that information would be wrong. According to the American Cancer Society, it is rare that a splenectomy is necessary after chemotreatment. Surgery does not cure blood cancers. Chemo can put CLL into molecular remission, which is our goal, but no permanent cure exists. Please, stop spreading rumors. My oncologist gets tired of questions they’ve already answered.
Billy Joel’s 1983 album, “An Innocent Man” is on frequent repeat this morning in the Recovery Room. The whole thing. Six hits came from this recording, forming a stylistic foundation for music in the mid-80s. This one is important because it’s recorded during the period he was first dating Christie Brinkley. A song about her even appears on the album. He knew what he was getting into before the wedding.
It’s the lyrics to the title song that keeps me resetting the needle over and over.
Some people stay far away from the door
If there’s a chance of it opening up
They hear a voice in the hall outside
And hope that it just passes by.
Some people live with the fear of a touch
And the anger of having been a fool
They will not listen to anyone
So nobody tells them a lie.
…
You know you only hurt yourself out of spite
I guess you’d rather be a martyr tonight
That’s your decision
But I’m not below
Anybody I know
If there’s a chance of resurrecting a love
I’m not above going back to the start
To find out where the heartache began.
Some people hope for a miracle cure
Some people just accept the world as it is
But I’m not willing to lay down and die
Because I am an innocent man.
How many people do I know, including myself, who can relate to the song on multiple levels even now? There’s a timelessness to this album that makes it invaluable.
I have more to talk about, but it’s taken two hours and two trips outside with the dogs to get this much written. I’m going to take a break.