This is the first time I’ve tried using this Chromebook as I would a regular computer and I’m not sure how long I can do this without throwing the damn thing across the room. There’s no precision in trying to scroll to a specific place on the page. Editing a picture with any precision? Forget it, that’s not happening. Trying to find an app that will do what you need done? Good luck! Half the apps in the Play Store don’t work on Chromebook at all despite being “mobile” apps. Apparently, all the OS people at Google think that everyone spends their time playing fucking idiotic pay-to-play games. Why the fuck would anyone do that in the first place? Somehow, I just hit something that opened the fucking debug window! Can this get any more stupid? [Don’t answer that, I don’t want to know.]
Trying to edit anything in Lightroom is a complete nightmare. It took four fucking attempts before this morning’s image would import. It can’t read TIFF files at all apparently, or at least, it won’t show me the thumbnail so I can see which image is which. Just finding the menu item so I can import an image is about the most non-intuitive thing I’ve ever seen in a piece of software. Exporting an image? That’s a whole other nightmare! YOU CAN’T CHOOSE WHERE THE IMAGE IS BEING SAVED! I don’t want to save images on this device. I want them back on the external drive from which they came! Why the fuck is that such a foreign concept to this piece of crap? And then, when I want to upload the said image to the server so that I can use it here, I have to go hunting. They’re buried under a cumbersome file tree that makes zero sense. Again, the absence of any kind of File Explorer in this stupid OS is absurd. I need Google and Adobe to fix this fucking mess.
One of the apps that doesn’t work on the Chromebook like it does on my phone? Kroger. Why is that important? Because I have to order groceries and Kroger is the only local store that carries the sugar-free bread that I need so I can make a fucking sandwich. What happens if I don’t use sugar-free bread? The same damn thing that happened last night when I ate more than one biscuit with dinner: my sugar jumps nearly 100 points. It would be really nice if I could create an order on the larger screen so that I can make sure I’m ordering the right size/flavor/quantity without having to squint. But no, after downloading the Kroger app, it sent me to the website, which then wouldn’t let me log in. Fuck that.
Not that anything matters. I was expecting my check to be deposited first thing this morning like it was last month. I even got a letter from the bank telling me that I was signed up for the advance deposit thing. So, I don’t think it’s unreasonable that my check would be deposited on the same day that it was last month. I have bills to pay and groceries to buy. But no, that didn’t happen. I don’t have any idea when/if it will happen. Funny how no one lets you know there’s a problem until after it’s messed up your life. The check normally, on its own, appears on the 10th. That may not seem like that big a deal, waiting four more days, but by waiting until the 10th, A) my phone bill is late and invokes a late fee as a result, and B) I can’t get groceries until the next day because I have a fucking doctor’s appointment on the 10th that could very well take all fucking day or longer if my pancreas decides to not cooperate.
I’m too old and too sick to be getting worked up like this. I don’t even want to take my blood pressure because I already know it’s too high. Want to know what’s lying at the root of this tirade? I can tell you. I’m pissed because I can’t fix it. I can’t fix the desktop. I don’t have that level of skill. I have to depend on someone else and in my mind that’s the same as saying I’m a failure. I’m supposed to be able to do it all, anything, on my own, but increasingly I’m finding too damn many things that I can’t do, and losing the desktop has sent me over the edge.
I’m banking hard on Brandon being able to bring the thing back to life without having to completely wipe the hard drive. I’m also hoping that it’s an easy fix that doesn’t take much of his time. Asking someone to do something time-consuming on the weekend that doesn’t directly benefit them is just rude.
And what happens if the computer can’t be brought back from the dead? First, I cry. Amazon has a Dell Optiplex 9020 Small Form Factor Desktop with Intel Core i7-4770 Upto 3.9GHz, HD Graphics 4600 4K Support, 32GB RAM, 1TB SSD, DisplayPort, HDMI, Wi-Fi, Bluetooth – Windows 10 Pro (Renewed) for only $214 that would probably meet my needs. I think the biggest concerns I would have are the number of USB ports it doesn’t have and that it’s a renewed Windows 10 OS, not Windows 11. Anything new from Dell starts at $700. HP has some for as little as $500 but they have so little RAM that I’m not sure Photoshop or After Effects would even boot up. If they did, it would take forever for anything to process. Let’s hope that Brandon can work some kind of miracle so that I don’t have to consider any of these options.
I have a copy of the late Maynard Ferguson’s 1976 album, Primal Scream. I put it on yesterday and let it play louder than normal; it could be heard outside my room. This is probably the best and safest way to express what I’m feeling. I’m not okay. I need my desktop. I need my check. I need some sense of at least moderate control over what’s happening in my life. If that can’t happen, just shoot me.