Happy Mother’s Day [2009 original with AI background]
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!
Mothers everywhere are being justly celebrated today as their children attempt to behave and not fuss and argue with each other for just one day, damnit. I understand people still get dressed up and go to church with Mom and then they all go out to lunch, which means someone’s kid and someone’s mom has to work because restaurants are in all-hands-on-deck mode for the day. The affected moms smile and say something like, “Oh, we’ll celebrate later.”
Somewhere along the line, someone will ask that we please be considerate of those who’ve lost children, or who were unable to have children. The day may be a test of resolve for those who have specifically chosen not to have children. No one wants to be left out of a party. Some will say they’re happy being dog moms or cat moms. I have a feeling some of those are lying.
We deliberately ignore those who are bad moms; the ones who are selfish, leave their kids to fend for themselves, don’t seem bothered by placing them in direct danger, the ones who leave drugs and paraphernalia lying around, whose babies desperately need diaper changes, and are living in squalor. We also ignore those kids and look down at them demeaningly as we declare that they’ll probably never be worth anything. We’re fine with letting child protective services step in, bounce children from foster home to foster home, and then wondering why the poor kids had trouble surviving as adults.
Neither do we seem to mind bombing moms and their children if they live somewhere we’ve never been and have a belief system we don’t understand. How ironic it is that we go to church with our moms while preventing others from doing the same with theirs. Apparently, we’re cool with letting some moms cry as their homes and villages are bombed out and their children lost in the carnage.
Americans, specifically, are also increasingly fine with their moms having to go back to work for peasant wages because we’ve built an economy where they can’t even pay rent with what they get from social security. We think it’s just fine that we can’t have lunch with Mom today because she’s having to work in the deli at the grocery store for minimum wage. She’s struggling, but we’re okay with that as long as the stock market is doing well. Never mind that 93% of our moms have no investment in the markets at all and that corporations’ continual drive for increased profit keeps them from being able to afford even a meager life.
We’re also far too accepting of the fact that our moms don’t come close to making as much as their male counterparts, especially if your mom is a person of color. There will be some who declare, “But look how much things have improved,” but they’ll also ignore how much distance remains to be covered. Too many still believe the nonsense that moms belong at home, taking care of the kids, keeping the house clean, and catering to daddy, who is off drinking with the boys and having an affair with a young waitress.
We also police what moms wear, denying them their personality and sexuality. We get so upset if they dress too much like their teenage daughters. We get upset if they dress too comfortably. We get upset if their dresses are too sheer. We get more upset if our 21-year-old sons find them attractive. We don’t know how to handle it if someone’s mom is out chasing the pleasures she missed when she was 20-something and home changing diapers.
We have these unreasonable expectations that Mom should be fine with “whatever.” We spend thousands of dollars to make sure that we see all the concerts, take all the trips, and indulge all our own fantasies. All Mom gets is a card and a candle. Never mind that she’s not left her home overnight in years, that none of her dreams have been fulfilled, that her shoes have holes in them, that she’s still wearing the same clothes as when you graduated from high school fifteen years ago. Mom doesn’t mind just getting by.
Some people have two moms and other people have an extra dad in place of a mom, but we’re not supposed to talk about either situation because our religious upbringing has decided that those situations are wrong.
Neither Mother’s Day nor Father’s Day is ever going to live up to the social expectation. The ideal only exists for something around 20% of the population. Parent/child relationships are fraught with difficulties and challenges because of mistakes made by both, mistakes that are sometimes deliberate. There are plenty of children who will tell their mom, “Happy Mother’s Day” only to be dismissed and ignored. There are plenty of moms who will hear nothing at all from the children they raised.
A lot of moms will shed tears today, but not all will be tears of joy. There are too many moms hurting, too many lonely moms, and too many moms who can’t bear to acknowledge the day. So if your mom is still alive, maybe you at least acknowledge that she brought you into the world, and you survived.
There’s enough hurt in the world. You have no business adding to it.
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!
Mothers everywhere are being justly celebrated today as their children attempt to behave and not fuss and argue with each other for just one day, damnit. I understand people still get dressed up and go to church with Mom and then they all go out to lunch, which means someone’s kid and someone’s mom has to work because restaurants are in all-hands-on-deck mode for the day. The affected moms smile and say something like, “Oh, we’ll celebrate later.”
Somewhere along the line, someone will ask that we please be considerate of those who’ve lost children, or who were unable to have children. The day may be a test of resolve for those who have specifically chosen not to have children. No one wants to be left out of a party. Some will say they’re happy being dog moms or cat moms. I have a feeling some of those are lying.
We deliberately ignore those who are bad moms; the ones who are selfish, leave their kids to fend for themselves, don’t seem bothered by placing them in direct danger, the ones who leave drugs and paraphernalia lying around, whose babies desperately need diaper changes, and are living in squalor. We also ignore those kids and look down at them demeaningly as we declare that they’ll probably never be worth anything. We’re fine with letting child protective services step in, bounce children from foster home to foster home, and then wondering why the poor kids had trouble surviving as adults.
Neither do we seem to mind bombing moms and their children if they live somewhere we’ve never been and have a belief system we don’t understand. How ironic it is that we go to church with our moms while preventing others from doing the same with theirs. Apparently, we’re cool with letting some moms cry as their homes and villages are bombed out and their children lost in the carnage.
Americans, specifically, are also increasingly fine with their moms having to go back to work for peasant wages because we’ve built an economy where they can’t even pay rent with what they get from social security. We think it’s just fine that we can’t have lunch with Mom today because she’s having to work in the deli at the grocery store for minimum wage. She’s struggling, but we’re okay with that as long as the stock market is doing well. Never mind that 93% of our moms have no investment in the markets at all and that corporations’ continual drive for increased profit keeps them from being able to afford even a meager life.
We’re also far too accepting of the fact that our moms don’t come close to making as much as their male counterparts, especially if your mom is a person of color. There will be some who declare, “But look how much things have improved,” but they’ll also ignore how much distance remains to be covered. Too many still believe the nonsense that moms belong at home, taking care of the kids, keeping the house clean, and catering to daddy, who is off drinking with the boys and having an affair with a young waitress.
We also police what moms wear, denying them their personality and sexuality. We get so upset if they dress too much like their teenage daughters. We get upset if they dress too comfortably. We get upset if their dresses are too sheer. We get more upset if our 21-year-old sons find them attractive. We don’t know how to handle it if someone’s mom is out chasing the pleasures she missed when she was 20-something and home changing diapers.
We have these unreasonable expectations that Mom should be fine with “whatever.” We spend thousands of dollars to make sure that we see all the concerts, take all the trips, and indulge all our own fantasies. All Mom gets is a card and a candle. Never mind that she’s not left her home overnight in years, that none of her dreams have been fulfilled, that her shoes have holes in them, that she’s still wearing the same clothes as when you graduated from high school fifteen years ago. Mom doesn’t mind just getting by.
Some people have two moms and other people have an extra dad in place of a mom, but we’re not supposed to talk about either situation because our religious upbringing has decided that those situations are wrong.
Neither Mother’s Day nor Father’s Day is ever going to live up to the social expectation. The ideal only exists for something around 20% of the population. Parent/child relationships are fraught with difficulties and challenges because of mistakes made by both, mistakes that are sometimes deliberate. There are plenty of children who will tell their mom, “Happy Mother’s Day” only to be dismissed and ignored. There are plenty of moms who will hear nothing at all from the children they raised.
A lot of moms will shed tears today, but not all will be tears of joy. There are too many moms hurting, too many lonely moms, and too many moms who can’t bear to acknowledge the day. So if your mom is still alive, maybe you at least acknowledge that she brought you into the world, and you survived.
There’s enough hurt in the world. You have no business adding to it.
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