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10 Things Mom Forgot To Tell You
January 5, 2017
charles i. letbetter - things mom forgot

Moms are human, too

 

charles i. letbetter - things mom forgot

Moms are great. Moms are a fountain of knowledge. We get a lot of our basic information about life and the world around us from our parents. We trust what they say and are woefully disappointed on the rare occasion they happened to be wrong.

Our parents do their best to equip us with everything we need to be responsible and functional adults. However, they know so much about life that they sometimes forget to fill us in some of the finer points. Sure, they make sure we understand the big stuff, but the itty bitty details sometimes are lost. Don’t blame them, it’s not their fault. There’s a lot to know and its not like anyone gives them a checklist.

So, in the interest of helping out everyone’s parents just a little bit, here are a few things that might have escaped their attention before you went out on your own.

 

charles i. letbetter - things mom forgot

That isn’t chicken in that nugget

Desperate parents do desperate things and sooner or later we’re all desperate parents. So, don’t judge that frazzled looking mom sitting in the drive-thru or picking up that blue box that claims to have cheese in with the tiny little macaroni pieces. Processed food exists for one reason only: to make the lives of parents easier. So no, there is no real chicken in the nuggets or cheese in the mac and that’s not really anything resembling meat on that frozen pizza. That’s okay, though. You survived. Your kids will survive, too. Just try to give them a home cooked meal every once in a while.

No one notices your underwear when you’re in an accident

It’s a necessary lie parents tell us when we’re little to make sure we’re actually wearing clean underwear. If you’ve had children, you understand the problem and have probably repeated the lie. The fact is, however, if you’re in an accident that is serious enough for someone to see your underpants, then underpants are the last thing anyone is worried about. I mean, you’ve lost your pants for any number of horrible reasons, you’re probably bleeding profusely, and you could possibly die. No one cares about your damn underwear. If you’re just going to the doctor for a checkup, though, then yeah, by all means, wear something clean or buy something new.

You don’t have to be nice to everyone

Parents do their best to raise friendly, well-adjusted people. Despite their best efforts, though, not everyone in the world is nice. When we encounter people who are not nice, we are not obligated to be nice back. Sure, we want to try a few times, give them the benefit of the doubt. But when someone is consistently an asshole you do not have to be nice. In fact, it is probably better for everyone if you are not nice.  One of the primary reasons assholes continue being assholes is because people keep trying to be nice and they take advantage of that. You don’t have to put up with bullshit.

Beware of friends who never read

A little bit of fine tuning: there’s a difference between people who can’t read and people who don’t read. If you have a friend you can’t read, then they need help with that issue more than anything. If you have a friend who is perfectly capable of reading, though, and they don’t, then you have a problem. People who don’t read are ignorant. Their reasoning skills are underdeveloped and their logic is flawed. Even reading fiction improves one’s mental abilities and acumen. Reading not only broadens our mind, but it spurs our imagination so that we are able to expand beyond what is our direct realm of experience. You don’t need friends who are ignorant. They are dangerous. Be careful.

If it costs more than you make in a week, buy the extended warranty

It’s always that question lingering in the back of your mind anytime you’re making a major purchase: do you buy the extended warranty? The old saw is that if you buy the extended warranty you’ll never need it, but if you don’t buy it you’ll wish you had. So, what do you do? The solution is a matter of finances because the ultimate question is whether you can afford to easily replace whatever it is you’re buying. If you’re making a purchase for which you had to save and save, then by all means, buy the damn warranty. If something happens, you’re screwed. You can’t afford to get it fixed or buy a new one. If you’re making a purchase that represents pocket change, however, then maybe it’s not so important. The general rule is that if it costs more than you make it a week, buy the extended warranty. Better safe than sorry.

 

charles i. letbetter - things mom forgot

A good pet is worth the trouble

Some people grow up with pets and learn the responsibility of caring for one. Some don’t. Some go their lives without pets. Some have pets thrust upon thanks to a spouse or lover. Pets can be a lot of work and some of them can be an incredible amount of trouble. They poop where you don’t want them to poop. They eat things you don’t want them to eat. They knock things off tables and shelves and annoy the hell out of guests, especially if one of those guests starts nuzzling up close. Guess what: they’re worth every second of trouble they cause. Sometimes, all we remember are the number of times a parent cursed at or about an animal. What we don’t see are the moments when a pet was curled up in that same parent’s lap. They give soooo much love in little ways that, as children, we never see. Take a chance and feel the love.

It’s okay to be happy when mean people die

Our parents tell us to respect the dead, that people dying is not a good thing. We’re generally taught that we should not rejoice over the death of people we don’t like. Bullshit. As I’m writing this, officials in California are pretty much waiting for convicted murderer Charles Manson to die. When he does, there will be a lot of people who are happy. Not only are nine people dead because of Manson and his “family,” he left behind a wave of influence that was violent and frightening. Him being dead is a good thing that, quite honestly, should have happened a long time ago. Mean people such as Charles Manson don’t deserve our respect. He’s not dead yet, but when he goes feel free to throw a party.

It’s okay to pee in the shower

I know, I know, that flies in the face of everything your mom told you when you were growing up. You know why she told you that? Because it took for freakin’ ever to get you to go in the toilet in the first place. She’s damn sure not going to risk ruining that habit by telling you it’s okay to pee in the shower. Now that you’re an adult, though, you should know that not only is it okay, some people claim it’s actually healthier than peeing in the toilet. It’s cleaner, it’s more hygienic, and it even saves water to boot. There is a limit, though. Only do this when you’re showering alone. Not everyone thinks peeing in the shower is cool and if you’re in there with someone you like a lot you are probably putting that relationship in danger if you pee in front of them. When you’re alone, though, by all means, go for it.

Sex sometimes hurts

Granted, if your parents were anything like mine, sex wasn’t a topic that came up very often. They got through the birds and the bees thing with a certain amount of anxiety. The last thing most of our parents wanted to do, though, was provide any details about sex. They tell you it feels go and can be a lot of fun, but that’s about as detailed as they want to get. The problem is that sex doesn’t always feel good and it isn’t always fun. There are dozens of reasons why sex can hurt, most of which are not life-threatening or even controllable. Not every body provides enough natural lubrication. Stress can cause normal sexual activity to feel painful. It’s not your fault and most the time there are things you can do to change the situation. It happens, though, so be ready for it. Don’t run screaming to the Dr. just because you got into a tight (literally) situation you weren’t expecting.

Cursing is sometimes a very effective form of communication

“That’s an adult word. Don’t say it.” Did your parents ever tell you that? Did your mom ever wash out your mouth with soap? Most parents are very concerned with the language we use growing up. They want us to be respectable adults, not someone people shy away from because they can’t complete a sentence without an expletive or four. For the most part, your parents are right: don’t say those words. They’re rude and often demonstrate a lack of civility and reasoning. However, there are times when cursing is totally acceptable. If you smash a digit with a hammer or in a car door, for example, know one is going to fault you for letting a few fucks fly out of your mouth. If you need to dramatically emphasize to someone just how fucking serious or angry you are, an expletive here and there helps make your point. Most the time, yes, you want to be polite and use words that are not offensive. But every once in a while … go for it.

 

That’s our short list. We actually have several more things like this in my book, Now That You’re 18 … which you can buy by clicking on that link. If you live close, I’ll even autograph it for you. There are a lot of things parents either don’t have time or don’t think of telling us. It’s okay. We’ll make the same mistakes and probably add to the list. We’re human. Go with it.

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Long Read  /  pop culture  /  Social Commentary
10 Reasons 2016 Sucked
December 31, 2016
charles i. letbetter - 10 Reasons 2016 Sucked

Anyone who says otherwise is a complete moron

 

charles i. letbetter - 10 Reasons 2016 Sucked

For the past 365 days we have suffered through a hellacious year. 2016 hasn’t been fun. 2016 hasn’t given the world a reason to cheer. 2016 has sucked from one end to the other. Period. Every morning I come in, look at the headlines, and immediately want to go back to bed, hoping it’s all a dream. A nightmare. I’m ready to wake up anytime, but that doesn’t seem to be happening. We’re stuck with this stupid year.

Is this the worst year ever? Well, no, not if one counts all the hundreds of years where some sort of plague was running rampant, or the dark ages, or pretty much any year prior to 1790 when the Industrial Revolution finally got around to making our lives just a little bit better. This wasn’t any 1929, either. The vast majority of us have jobs and some of them even pay a decent living wage, or come close. We don’t have the spending power we once did, but we’re still finding ways to keep a roof over our heads and those of us in the US are still putting way too much food in our bellies. So, you have that if you really want to embrace it.

Still, just because all of history pretty much sucked before our great-great-grandparents started doing some cool shit doesn’t mean that this wasn’t a bad year. This was a bad year and I don’t mind taking a few minutes out of my day to make sure you understand just exactly why this was a bad year. This year is a warning. We can turn ourselves around now, or things can get worse in 2017. And 2018. And the foreseeable future. We need to learn from this year before it’s 1837 all over again. Trust me, you don’t want to mess with 1837. The only thing good about 1837 was Worcestershire sauce.

So, here, in no particular order, are ten damn good reasons that 2016 sucked. You are free to disagree, but if you do we’re locking you away where you can’t hurt intelligent people.

 

International Issues

charles i. letbetter - 10 Reasons 2016 Sucked

The Rio Olympics

Talk about a cluster fuck. Even before the games started we knew this was going to be a bad one. Venues were incomplete. The water where athletes were supposed to swim was littered with trash. Corruption was rampant at every conceivable level of the games, including within the IOC itself. Russian athletes were prevented from participating because of a doping scandal and a number of athletes refused to participate because of the threat of the Zika virus. Then, just to give the games a WTF label, there was Ryan Lochte pretending to get robbed when he was the one being a punk. The world would be better off had these games never happened.

The Refugee Crisis

21 million people. Stop and think about that for a moment. TWENTY-ONE MILLION PEOPLE. That’s how many refugees have left war-torn countries across Europe and Africa looking for a place where they could live peacefully without someone trying to blow their heads off just for existing. They flooded into Europe for the most part, creating crisis there because not only was there an incredible strain on already strained resources, but because terrorists hid in their midst, causing many people to not want to help people with extreme and genuine need. This was a humanitarian crisis unlike anything we’ve seen in the past 60 years and for the most part, the majority of us sat on our fucking hands.

Syria

Far too many of those refugees came from Syria, where the government military of President Assad battled with a number of different rebel groups for control of the country. The entire country has been devastated by the war, but the worst atrocities came in the city of Aleppo, what had once been Syria’s largest city. The world watched in horror as the entire city was reduced to nothing but rubble. An untold number of civilians, especially children, were killed by barrel bombs employed by government forces. There was no relief until the city was completely empty, a mere shell of its former self. Making this tragedy worse was the failure of the US and its allies to successfully intervene. Blame bad policy and an unreasonable fear of pissing off other stupid little Middle Eastern dictators.

Venezuelan Food Shortages

Americans have really enjoyed lower gas prices this year, but the low price of oil has a human toll. As oil prices sunk, the country of Venezuela went further and further into crisis. By May, there were long lines for food, assuming you could find a store that actually had anything edible in stock. By the end of summer, most food was gone and even staples such as bread and dairy products were nearly impossible to find. As the country’s economy collapsed, creating corruption involving bank notes, the government made a bad situation worse by changing currency in November, making old money worthless. A warehouse full of 4 million toys was found in early December, but it’s still hard to have a happy Christmas when you don’t even have enough food to make a sandwich.

Brexit

For all the really incredible displays of stupidity, voters in the UK set an early score to beat when they voted to leave the European Union. Political analysts around the world were stunned. While the topic had been a matter of discussion for over a year, no one in their right mind thought the numbskulls would actually vote to separate themselves from the EU. Not that it’s actually happened yet. Politicians there have spent the rest of the year trying to decide whether a full separation is actually possible (they’re still unsure) and if so, how to actually make it happen without creating a full-scale economic disaster. Most people thought that this would be the biggest political disaster of the year. Unfortunately, the US took it as a challenge.

 

Domestic Disaster

charles i. letbetter - 10 Reasons 2016 Sucked

A country without drinking water

The water crisis in Flint, Michigan actually began in late 2015, but it came to a head in early 2016 with the city being declared one giant fucking disaster area in January. Both state and federal politicians then proceeded to spend most of the rest of the year arguing about who to blame. Here we are at the end of the year and there are still large populations within Flint that, at the very least, have to boil their water. Many are still having to use bottled water. Several politicians, including the mayor of Flint and the governor of Michigan, have been indicted for corruption, but the people most directly affected are still suffering. Worse yet, the problems are spreading as the national infrastructure of lead water pipes is crumbling.

Standing Rock standoff

Oil. Our dependency on fossil fuels has become a national disgrace, one which spineless politicians refuse to address because of the number of jobs associated with the inefficient and quickly depleting fuel system. Since we can’t produce enough oil to cover domestic requirements, we have to bring it in through any means available, including pipelines. Pipelines that leak. They always have. They habitually create environmental problems everywhere they are laid.

So, when yet another greedy oil company wanted to run a stretch of pipeline across an area that would have contaminated the water supply for native tribes living there, they said, “Hell, no.” As word spread of the tribe’s protest, others joined the cause. The protests were peaceful, but police still decided they needed to fight back with attack dogs and water canons. For now, the matter is calm as the Corp of Engineers refused the pipeline company’s request for easement. However, there is tremendous fear that the oil companies will try again once the new president is installed.

Pulse Nightclub shooting

We have wrestled long and hard with tremendous amounts of hate across this country both toward people of color and people of varying gender identities. There have been random acts of violence scattered all across the country this year, but none were so horrific as the events at Pulse Nightclub in Orlando on the night of June 12. That was the night Omar Mateen, a 29-year-old security guard, killed 49 people and wounded 53 others. The particular details of what motivated him and whether he pledged allegiance to some terrorist group are irrelevant at this juncture. Hate was at the root of the problem, as it has been at every other racial and/or gender-identity-motivated crime in the country.

This one makes me particularly nervous because it inevitably carries over into the new year. One of the worst anti-LGBT politicians in the country is now Vice President and he markets in hate as though it were a valuable commodity. Already there are those trying to sweep the tragedy of the Pulse Nightclub under the rugs. This is a stain not only on the year, but all of the US.

Anti-Intellectualism

We did a fantastic job of showing the world our stupid side this year. Anti-intellectualism has always been present in the undercurrent of American society. This year, however, it came to the surface and repeatedly inserted itself into public discourse with statements so astonishingly stupid that the rest of us could only shake our head and wonder how much Flint, Michigan water they were drinking. Just how bad did it get? Consider some of these quotes from this disgraceful year:

  • the government is “hyping Hurricane Matthew to sell climate change.” – Rush Limbaugh (in spirit with Matt Drudge)
  • “[D]o we need government-funded research at all[?]” –  Rep. Mick Mulvaney (R-S.C.), Donald Trump’s choice to head the White House Office of Management and Budget,
  • [climate change is] “the perfect pseudoscientific theory” to justify liberal politicians’ efforts to expand “government power over the American citizenry.” Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas)
  • “My own personal theory is that Joseph built the pyramids to store grain.” Dr. Ben Carson
  • “I’m saying people have gotten things wrong throughout the 5,500-year history of our planet.” – Anthony Scaramucci

Mind you, that is just a small collection from people who’ve made the most media noise over the past year. There are MILLIONS of other quotes from equally ignorant people all over the world. I mean, stop and think about it, A full-scale replica of Noah’s Ark opened in June in order to further the mythology known as “creation science,” which actually contains little valid science at all! When it comes to matters of science and advances in intelligence, 2016 may have actually seen us move backward, that’s just how bad it’s been.

The Presidential election

Oh. my. god. No, this one is so horrible I’m not even going there. Scratch this one out. If I try writing anything about this piece of insanity I’m going to throw up and miss the New Year’s Eve party.

Deaths of Notable Persons

No, contrary to popular belief, there have not been more deaths of celebrities this year than any other year. In fact, if one is looking purely at numbers, then this year was a little below average in a few categories. However, that approach is assuming that all lives are equal. Uhm, no. If I die before midnight (which I’m definitely not planning on doing), I wouldn’t make anyone’s list. In fact, I might not even make the obituary in the Indianapolis Star. However, the deaths of people we really care about, people whose contributions to our lives, people whose work directly affected who we are and shaped are personalities, is what has made this a horrible, horrible year unlike any that we remember.

Look beyond just the number of bodies. David Bowie alone is worth at least a thousand mere mortal souls. Merle Haggard? C’mon, you just can’t rank the Okie from Muskogee with all those commoners. And then, there’s Prince. Seriously, he’s a three-hour “In Memoriam” reel all on his own. The numbers themselves are irrelevant. What matters is that we lost people of note with whom we felt as though we had a connection, and we lost them one after another after another after another after another. There was no break. What started as a shock in January just kept causing us pain right up until this very last week. Everything else this year could have been sunshine and daisies and the people we lost would still leave us feeling as though we’d had our hearts collectively ripped out and stomped upon.

NOW do you understand why this year sucked so horribly? And we didn’t even get into things like automobile recalls, stupid stalking clowns, phones blowing up, Russia hacking the election, or anything else that might have been a really big story most any other year. Nope, 2016 sucked bilge water.

So, please understand if our celebration tonight is rather muted. We’re not just saying goodbye to 2016, we’re shooting it in the head and burying that fucker 30-feet deep and covering it with rebar and concrete to make sure it doesn’t rear its ugly head ever again. And we’re going to make the baby 2017 sit there and watch so it will know what happens to a year that fucks up. Little squirt better get these next twelve months right.

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Fashion  /  Music  /  pop culture
10 People Who Should Not Be Forgotten
December 29, 2016
charles i. letbetter - 10 people you shouldn't forget

So many have died, these deserve to not fall between the cracks

 

charles i. letbetter - always remember

Death seemed to come hand-in-hand with 2016 and it has reared its ugly head far too many times on too many beloved people. The lists of notable deaths are the longest I’ve ever seen them. Yet, with each list I notice several who were left out for one reason or another. I understand. When compiling such a list, including everyone is difficult. Whether through oversight or just lack of information, many people get left off lists on which they deserve to be included.

I can’t rectify the omissions of every list one might come across. However, there are ten people often excluded who really should never be forgotten. If you’re not familiar with their lives and their work, now would be a good time to acquaint yourself.

Abe Vigoda

Abe Vigoda

Abd Vigoda. 1921-2016

Abe Vigoda was one of those people who was almost too easy to overlook. He was an everyman; the guy next door or the work colleague you constantly meet in the elevator but never really know. Most obituaries are quick to list his role as Salvatore Tessio in The Godfather, but for me, it was in his role as Phil Fish on the television series, The Barney Miller Show where Vigoda’s chops as an actor really stood out. He played a sad-sack detective who had given up fighting the system and instead fought his hemorrhoids. He perpetually looked older than he actually was, sad eyes, a slouching body, but his wit as an actor was sharp and he had that wonderful talent of making almost anyone around him look good.

He was as comfortable on stage as he was in front of the camera. In fact, he was probably more at home there than anywhere. His career was long, his list of credits impressive, and when not playing a character he had an infectious smile. We need actors like Abe Vigoda who don’t feel a need to hog the limelight and can just enjoy acting.

Edgar Mitchell

Ed Mitchell

Edgar Mitchell, 1930-2016

Being an astronaut sounds like a wonderful occupation, doesn’t it? And being one of only twelve people to actually set foot on the moon had to be exhilarating, right? Ed Mitchell led the kind of life the rest of us dream about.

But imagine what it had to be like, sitting in the pilot’s seat for Apollo 14, with all the disasters of the previous attempt at space flight whizzing through your brain. The dangers were more real and present than ever. He knew that for all the simulations and safety checks, things could still go wrong and there was still a chance he might not come back. If ever there was an astronaut facing impossible pressure, it was Ed Mitchell.

Yet, he did it. He guided the Apollo spacecraft into a successful orbit around the moon, then placed the lander exactly where it needed to be on the surface. They just don’t make heroes like this anymore.

He believed in UFOs and remote healing. Consciousness was a dominant topic for his later conversations. That trip to the moon and back got him thinking in terms not everyone was comfortable discussing. Yet, he deserves to be remembered as the one who looked on an Apollo program in tatters and said, “Yeah, I’ll give that a shot.”

Andy Grove

Andy Grove

Andrew Grove, 1936-2016

Most obituaries list Andy Grove as one of the founders and former CEO of computer chip giant Intel. That he was a technological visionary who brought us the digital life we now enjoy is impossible to argue. He should be remembered for that act alone.

However, before he was Andy Grove, technology CEO, he was András István Gróf of Hungary. A teen under the Nazi occupation, he saw how evil the world could be and at age 20 decided to escape, on his own, to the US. It was this drive, and some say his paranoia because of these events, that gave him the skills he needed to make Intel the world’s leading semiconductor company. He knew fear, he knew the risk of losing, and he kept his company from the face of bankruptcy during its infancy.

Gove’s mind operated on a level that would make most of us dizzy. He wrote the book, literally, on semiconductors, and then a best seller on his management style. He was also incredibly generous, giving CUNY a $26 million grant that totally transformed the university’s small engineering school.  He was impeccable about details, yet understood that not everyone was a detailed-oriented person. He gave those around him room to be who and what they were best at being.

The digital world is much stronger, much faster, and much safer because of Andy Grove.

Fred Hayman

Fred Hayman

Fred Hayman, 1925-2016

Whatever you know, or think you know, about Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills is the work of this man: Fred Hayman. Born Fred Jules Pollag in a small town in Switzerland, Fred’s father died when he was young and his mother remarried to Julius Haymann. The family emigrated to the US and Fred’s first serious job was as a waiter at the Waldof-Astoria hotel.

Fred didn’t start out with any concept of fashion retail. Instead, he joined the Navy with the idea of becoming a dentist. That dream was never realized, though, and he eventually ended up back at the Waldorf-Astoria. Hotel work seemed to be his fate and he eventually ventured West where he became the manager of the Beverly Hilton Hotel.

But then, the entrepreneurial bug bit. There were no other clothing shops on Rodeo Drive when he opened his store, Giorgio, there in 1961. There were no boutiques. No perfume fragrances wafting out open doors. What he had was an open bar, a reading room, and a pool table so that husbands would have something to do while their wives shopped. The gimmick worked. So did the yellow/black striped awning that came to symbolize Beverly Hills shopping. His success lured other luxury retailers to the street, making Rodeo Drive the place for the Beverly Hills elite to build their wardrobe.

Hayman eventually sold Giorgio and its signature fragrance to Avon in the 1980s, but still kept a small shop open nearby. I suppose as long as the store remains open people will still remember his name, but don’t forget that this is the man responsible for turning a nondescript shop into the seat of luxury.

Alan Young

Alan Young

Alan Young, 1919-2016

“A horse is a horse, of course, of course.” Those are the words that instantly come to my mind anytime I think of Alan Young. I mean, it’s not just anyone who can play alongside a talking horse for six years and that’s exactly what Young did. As Wilbur, the owner of the contrary and trouble-making Mr. Ed, Young pulled off one of the most tremendous acting feats in television history. Acting alongside other humans is one thing, but anyone who has been around horses know that even the best of them can be a complete pain in the ass on a regular basis. Yet, Young did this for six years as the show became a hit.

What few of us still remember is that Alan Young was a star even before Mr. Ed. Prior to that horse riding into his life, Young had been host of his own variety show and even won a Prime Time Emmy award in 1951. He was a staple on evening television all through the 1950s and 60s and even made a few appearances in film.

Young “retired” for a while after Mr. Ed. But then Disney lured him into the voice-over business as the voice of Scrooge McDuck and other duck-related cartoon characters. His list of credits includes such improbable titles as Ren and Stempy, and Batman: the animated series. This became his second career, one in which he was active right up until his death this past May. So sure, you may not have known his name, but chances are you grew up with his voice, somewhere, in your childhood.

Pat Summit

Pat Summit

Pat Summit, 1952, 2016

Women’s basketball never has gotten the recognition it deserves so if you’ve not heard the name Pat Summit before, that’s likely the reason. But hers is not only one you should know, she’s someone worthy of a tremendous amount of respect for one very simple reason: she is the winningest basketball coach in NCAA history. More wins than anyone, including all the guys whose names are recognized all over the world. We’re talking 1,098 career wins. In her 38 years as coach, she never had a losing season. Never. There was no way she would allow that to happen.

Most of her wins came as head coach of the Lady Vols at the University of Tennessee. She was relentless on the court. She pushed her girls hard, but they loved her for it. Ask any of them. I’ve not known any of her players to say anything negative about Coach Summit. She knew what it took to win and she made damn sure her teams got there. The fact that they all happened to be young women was irrelevant. They could have taken on most men’s teams in the NCAA and beaten them, too, were it not for the inherent sexism in the sport.

Women’s basketball arguably owes its life to Pat Summit. The NCAA didn’t even recognize women’s basketball as a sport when Pat started coaching in 1974. She was paid a whopping $250 a month, washed the team’s uniforms herself, and even drove the van to games. There was no budget for women’s basketball back then. Then, she coached the US Olympic Team to its first ever basketball medal in 1976, and things began to change. Her teams weren’t second-rate and she wouldn’t allow the university to get off treating them as second-rate, either.

Off the court, Coach Summit had a wonderful sense of humor and a quick wit when some jackass sports reporter tried subjugating her or her sport. Coach Summit knew how to use humor to defuse tense situations and teach a lesson at the same time. Unfortunately, that time was cut short with early-onset Alzheimers. Coach retired in 2013 and that horrible disease didn’t waste any time-consuming her. The next time you watch a women’s basketball game, though, remember Coach Pat Summit. The sport wouldn’t exist without her.

Alan Vega

Alan Vega

Alan Vega, 1938-2016

The music world has taken some huge hits this year with the deaths of some very well-known and popular artists. With all those names in a very lost list, it’s easy to see how someone like Alan Vega might be missed.  You probably never attended one of his concerts. You probably never saw his videos. There’s a chance you wouldn’t even like his music if you heard it. Vega was unique, a one-of-a-kind musician with a very limited audience.

So, why should you remember him? Because both punk and electronica grew out of his work. If you’re under the age of 40 and ever go to a nightclub, what you hear is the influence of Alan Vega.

Vega was a revolutionary kind of person. Attending Brooklyn College in the 1960s, he studied both physics and fine arts. He was as much a visual artist as he was a musician. Yet, he didn’t go for any level of conformity. He was part of a group that barricaded the Museum of Modern Art. As part of a project called MUSEUM: A Project of Living Artists, Vega started working with light sculptors made from digital debris.

In 1970s, he formed the band Suicide with his best friend, Martin Reverby and guitarist Paul Liebgott and began experimenting with sound the same way he had experimented with light. They called their music Punk, or Punk Mass, and within the artistic underground of that era they became stars.

That stardom never reached major radio market airplay, though, and Vega’s fame stayed largely within the relatively small community of experimental artists and musicians he influenced. He influenced a lot of people, however, and the resonance of his experimentation exists in much of the electronic and rock music heard today. He never stopped trying something new, even as he continued creating right up until his death. If you are a fan of EDM, punk, or any other electronic-dominated music form, you have Alan Vega to thank.

Pete Fountain

Pete Fountain

Pete Fountain, 1930-2016

I don’t know how old I was the first time I heard Pete Fountain play, but I remember the song. He took the old gospel melody of A Closer Walk and turned it from a dry, turgid piece of funeral-ready sadness into something with soul. A song that I all-too-well recognized as something that was sung over dead people suddenly had life. That was Pete’s gift. Give him even the shortest rif of notes and he could bring it all to life.

Pierre Dewey Fountain, Jr.,[3] was born in New Orleans. The rhythm of the city was bred into his veins and infused every note he played. He was sick a lot as a child, probably suffering from undiagnosed asthma. When a doctor advised his father that a music instrument, “something he can blow into,” might help, his father took him to a music store and he chose the clarinet. At first, his lungs were so weak he couldn’t even make a sound. He kept trying, though, and once he started he never stopped. By the time he was a teenager, he was playing regular gigs on Bourbon Street. He never left.

Influenced by the music of Benny Goodman, Fountain created a sound that was unique to New Orleans. A mix of blues and jazz, he created a tone that more woody than most, thanks largely to a crystal mouthpiece he started using in 1958. His sound was fluid and full, never shrill, easy on the ears. He could take the most boring of songs and make them exciting. That didn’t always set well with people who were accustomed to more sedate music. Legend is he pissed off Lawrence Welk with a jazz version of the Christmas classic, “Silver Bells.”

I was thrilled to see Pete live on two separate occasions, the latter being up close in a nightclub where he was unrestrained and played as though every note were made of gold. His style of Dixieland Jazz still lives in artists like Jon Batiste. You can find his recordings in music stores still. There are worse ways to spend your money, to be sure. Take a listen.

Janet Reno

Janet Reno

Janet Reno, 1938-2016

Janet Reno is not one of those people who I would have expected to include on a list like this. However, when I mentioned her death a couple of months ago and received, “Who?” as a reply I realized then that her legacy was in danger of going unnoticed. Pay attention, children, some of you may very well owe your life to Janet Reno.

Most notably, Janet Reno was the first female Attorney General of the United States. Nominated by President Bill Clinton in 1993, she served in that position until 2001, the longest anyone had served in that position since 1829. That alone would be enough to earn her a spot in the history books. What she did for women in both the legal and political arenas was immeasurable. Now, add to that the fact that she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease in 1995, understand all the physical challenges that disease created for her, and her accomplishments are even more impressive.

You should know her for more than that, though. Before becoming Attorney General of the United States, Miss Reno was Attorney General of the state of Florida where she broke new ground in the prosecution of child abuse. Most notably, she oversaw the passage of a law that would allow abused children to testify via closed-circuit television so that they would not have to confront the fear of those who had abused them.

Miss Reno’s tenure as Attorney General was not an easy one. It was her Department of Justice responsible for the Branch Davidian standoff outside Waco, Texas, that resulted in the deaths of 76 people. She also oversaw the arrest and convictions of notable criminals such as the Unabomber, Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols for the Oklahoma City bombing, and the persons responsible for the 1993 bombing at the World Trade Center.

There is a lot to learn from the life of a woman who was totally and completely committed to the law and justice. Take some time and get to know this incredible woman.

Leon Russell

Leon Russell

Leon Russell, 1942-2016

How in the world is Leon Russell on this list? I mean, doesn’t everyone know about Leon Russell? I certainly would have thought so, but after his death last month I mentioned him to five different people, all under the age of 30, and none of them knew who he was. One person thought he was a member of the OJays. Sigh. This is why we create lists like this, children.

Leon Russell was born in Lawton, Oklahoma, a military town surrounded by nothing in the world but dust. I’ve never been there but what I didn’t end up sick. He began playing piano at the age of four, the same age I was when I started playing, and his parents moved to Tulsa. He went to the same high school there as Anita Bryant and formed his first band with Bread’s frontman David Gates. If you ask me who David Gates is I may have to slap you.

From Tulsa he went to Los Angeles where he became a studio musician. His style was popular and he played keyboard on a number of records for groups such as The Beach Boys and Jan & Dean. He was also an active composer and arranger. He wrote Delta Lady for Joe Cocker and over 100 different artists have covered his A Song For You. He produced albums for  Bob Dylan, Frank Sinatra, Ike & Tina Turner, the Rolling Stones among others. Perhaps more than anything else, he was a mentor and friend to a young British singer going by the name Elton John.

Through the 70s and early 80s he performed country music under the name Hank Wilson, but he never stopped writing and producing rock through that time, either. If you’ve listened to the 1970s recordings of the Rolling Stones, B.B. King, Helen Reddy, The Gap Band, Bob Dylan, or Willie Nelson, you’ve heard Russell’s influence both in production and often on keyboard.

I could literally go on for pages and pages with this man’s accomplishments. He never stopped. in 2010 he recorded a duet album with Elton John. At the time of his death last month, he was planning on starting yet another tour in January.

You know Leon Russell. You just didn’t know that you know Leon Russell. Now you do. I hope you will remember. Maybe this will help:

Of course, this list, like every other list you’re seeing this time of year, is incomplete. There were many, many more people whose deaths this year deserve observance. This list just touches the surface. One of the most complete lists of notable deaths this year is a “live” list compiled by the Associated Press. Take a look. Go through the names and get to know the people mentioned. They are each notable for a reason.  Take a moment and appreciate the way in which they changed their world, then let’s look at 2017 as a chance to change ours.

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Long Read  /  pop culture
10 Reasonable Predictions For 2017
December 22, 2016
charles i. letbetter - 2017 Predictions

Some bets are safer than others

 

charles i. letbetter - 2017 Predictions

Making predictions are always a messy gamble. If you play it safe, your predictions look obvious. If you reach of the extreme you increase the chance of missing, which never looks good. Yet, making predictions for the new year is a bit of a time-honored tradition. Okay, maybe not the smartest time-honored tradition, but hey, you’re the one sitting here reading this stuff, so I’m definitely not alone in the equation.

Typically, predictions stay pretty narrowly focused on a specific genre. There are all kinds of digital media predictions for next year and the number of financial predictions, most of which disagree with each other, is myriad. I’m taking a more global approach this year in an effort to keep it interesting. I mean, how many years can I rehash the same fashion predictions of designers shifting houses and mergers and acquisitions? Oh, and in photography, Canon, Nikon, and Sony will all release new cameras. Yawn. We know those thins are going to happen so let’s look at things that are perhaps not quite so certain.

At the same time, I’m not going to step too far out onto any tree limb. I’ve chosen predictions that are corroborated to some degree by at least one other source if not more. This increases the likelihood of the prediction being correct, even if it seems out there a little bit.

I’m not putting our predictions in any particular order. They’re rather all over the place and trying to rank them feels less than genuine. Any one of them could end up being a huge story over the next year, or no story at all. We’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?

 

charles i. letbetter - 2017 Predictions

The End of Globalization As We Know It

When the Berlin wall fell back in the 80’s, about the time many of you were born, everyone cheered the new openness and the concept of sharing everything and one new, giant world where we could all travel with ease and share common values. We would be citizens of the world, not the US or UK or any other specific country. It was a nice dream and it might have worked were it not for religious zealots bent on taking over the world. Terrorism fueled our fear of immigrants and caused us to guard our borders more carefully. Global recession caused us to question a shared currency and economies where one country’s foolishness can bring down others. Then came global hacking of critical networks.

Now, we feel nothing is safe and as a result we are pulling back. We see this in the British exit from the UK. We see the fear in populist elections not only in the US but around the world. The fear has countries looking for ways to cordon off their section of the Internet, protect their networks from theft or the kind of DDOS attack that took down much of the Eastern United States earlier this year. We are pulling back fast and even if there’s not a physical wall between the US and Mexico, we’ve already started erecting other walls in terms of policy that put us fully in protectionist mode.

Globalization awaits a death sentence in 2017. At the very least, it’s looking at a lengthy prison term until we figure out how to get along.

20% of activities will involve at least one of seven companies.

That list consists of Apple, Google, Facebook, Amazon, Baidu, Alibaba and Tencent. Everything you do, from buying groceries to shopping for blue jeans is going to involve the technology of one of those companies and the greater majority of the time you won’t even know it’s happening. Technology has permeated every part of our lives. We’re not just talking about the Internet here. Financial systems. Appliances. New home construction. Every last bit of it involves some form technology from at least one of those companies.

Where we will feel this transition the most is in the information arena. While social media is already a pervasive source of news, both real and fake, increasingly we’re going to see those same interfaces distributing far more personal information. For example, a simple connection between your Samsung appliance app and your Android phone could pop up a message on Facebook when your cookies are ready to come out of the oven. Or maybe your child’s school sends you a tweet when weather cancels school for the day. Already, Amazon can let you know seconds before the UPS delivery shows up at your front door.

Seven companies control the bulk of digital information and data being transferred from one place to another. These companies are larger than many of the governments around the world. They do what they want and are largely immune to any legislation that might be levied against them. The more I think about it, 20% may be too conservative a number. We’ll wait and see.

Separation of friends along ideological lines

One of the casualties of this past election season has been our friends list and who we follow on social media. We were passionate about this election and many of us were surprised when people we thought we knew, people we otherwise respected and thought were reasonable, expressed support for the political opposition. We unfollowed. We unfriended. And then we blocked. Social media users everywhere reported the destruction of their lists and the frequency with which they had to remove yet another name of what had been a long-term friend.

Now that the election is over, all is forgiven and we’re adding those people back, right? Nope, absolutely not. In fact, we’re still very much on edge about the whole matter. Those who lost are still angry about losing. Those who won are still aggressive about rubbing it in. We’re not friends anymore. That’s not going to change this year, and possibly not any year from here on out. We no longer trust those long-term friendships, not even the ones we held since high school.

Ideological divisions run deeper now than they did a year ago. We’re less likely to agree to disagree because the things over which we disagree matter too much. We don’t want to be friends with someone whose racism rose to the surface three months ago. We don’t want to continue a relationship with people who are willing to judge an entire religion on the actions of extremists. What we have seen this year is that too often those ideologies result in actions we cannot dream of supporting. So, we’ll keep weeding out our friends lists and unlike other post-election years we won’t be making up. Those friends are just gone.

More vegan & vegetarian menu choices

2017 could be a huge year for food on just about every culinary level imaginable. We’re seeing new restaurant concepts popping up in cities such as Indianapolis where food hadn’t been that big a deal before. More people in rural locations are caring about the quality and source of the things they eat. Even small town groceries are changing the stock on their shelves to reflect changes in our eating habits.

Where I think we’ll see some of the biggest changes in 2017 is in the number of vegan and vegetarian menu choices. There are a couple of reasons for this. As much as I thoroughly enjoy being carnivorous, meat prices continue to rise as maintaining production facilities free of diseases seems to be increasingly difficult. I actually saw a roasting hen for which I would never have paid more than $4 or $5 priced at $12 before Thanksgiving. Hell no, I’m not going to pay that price, and chances are a lot of other people are going to, at the very least, cut back on their meat consumption as well.

At the same time, more young people are taking up a pure vegan or vegetarian lifestyle and no, it’s not just a phase. As a result, there is a significantly larger audience looking for meatless options, whether because of price or because of preference. Expect restaurants to take notice of this opportunity and respond accordingly. What we will notice at first is the number of new places opening specifically to serve a vegan/vegetarian clientele. After all, these kids like to eat out. A lot. What will slip up on us, though, is an increase in vegan menu items at traditional meat places, especially fast food. It’s no secret that fast food powerhouse McDonald’s has been testing vegan and vegetarian menu items for a while now. 2017 may well be the year someone finally gets it right.

Streaming video on demand completely takes over

Stop and think for a minute about how many streaming video on demand accounts you have. Netflix. Hulu. Amazon. Those three are likely a given. Oh, but don’t forget HBOGo so that you don’t miss Game of Thrones. And then there’s that Showtime on demand subscription. When all is said and done, you may well be spending just as much money on SVOD services as you once did on a cable package. They add up quickly.

What we’re going to see in 2017, though, is a complete domination of entertainment by various SVOD services. Even the networks are starting to get in on the act with CBS offering its own subscription service apart from needing any kind of cable account to access live shows. Yes, this has your cable company a little frightened, but it’s not something they haven’t seen coming. This is one of the reasons AT&T wants to buy Time/Warner. This is also one of the reasons Comcast and NBC are joined at the hip. Content producers on every level are making deals and acquisitions with streaming providers as fast as they possibly can. By this time next year, you likely will be able to watch any show, any where, any time through a streaming service.

This streaming thing applies to more than video, though. Increasingly over this year, you’ll see more muscle put behind music streaming services, especially through three of the Big 7, Apple, Google, and Amazon. Don’t be surprised if by this time next year they’ve gobbled up smaller services like Pandora and Spotify. If you want to listen to music non-stop it will cost you $10 a month, or you can start buying CDs again. Yeah, they still make those. There could be a backlash against streaming at some point, but I don’t think it will happen in the next 12 months.

charles i. letbetter - 2017 Predictions

Mergers & acquisitions will rock the choice landscape

AT&T and Time Warner. Verizon and Yahoo! and possibly CBS. Mergers and acquisitions are positioned to be one of the biggest areas of business growth, gaining a strength and ferocity they’ve not seen since the late 1990s. What this comes down to is big companies have not been able to develop the technology to keep up as quickly as smaller companies. So, it makes sense for the big companies to buy the smaller companies. This makes the technologies available to a broader audience, increases the services of the larger company, and positively affects the bottom line. Everyone’s happy, right?

Wellllll, that’s not always the case, especially when it comes to technology and media acquisitions. When Rupert Murdock bought the National Geographic magazine, for example, there was wide-spread concern as to whether Murdock’s political ideology might affect the objectivity of the famous magazine. With pending deals such as the AT&T/Time Warner merger, not only does the Securities and Exchange Commission have to look at how the merger affects competition in the cable industry, they also have to consider whether the deal might limit access to content developed by Time Warner’s many creative holdings.

No matter which directions those decisions go, however, mergers and acquisitions are going to be big in almost every industry imaginable. Now is a great time to be an M&A attorney, to be sure. However, if you work at a mid-size company doing work that isn’t highly specialized (such as sales), I’d be sure to keep that resume polished and up to date.

Subscriptions become a really huge thing

Over the past year, I’ve seen plenty of marketing jokes about the dollar shave club. Those jokes are likely to fade into oblivion this next year as subscription services for a variety of products are poised to take off in a major way. Among those who are likely to be big winners are food and conglomerate personal toiletries. Think well beyond the dollar shave club. For $3 or $5 a month you can have everything from vegan toothpaste to organic deodorant along with brushes and combs. At the same time, you’ll be ordering specific food packages personally designed not only for your taste, but emphasizing locally-grown foods, and sustainable desserts.

What fuels this dramatic growth in subscriptions is the fact that the number of people who actually enjoy shopping is diminishing. Our lives are busier than ever and if we’re not working double shifts we’re maximizing our time with friends. The one thing we don’t have time to do is shop even for basic things such as toothpaste and snacks we can binge at 3AM. Subscriptions are an easy answer to that. We give the provider a list of personal preferences and they send us packages at predetermined intervals, all of which is conveniently billed to your credit card.

I’m anxious to see just what services show up with subscription services once they see that the trend has taken off. Will there be taco subscription services? Or maybe we can sign up for regular dress shoe upgrades. I’ve already seen ads for a service that provides one entirely new outfit a month. The foundation has already been laid. Just wait for it to explode.

Lower tax rates, fewer deductions

The last big tax overhaul was 1986 in the middle of the Reagan administration overseen by then Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich. Now, the Republicans are back in control and are ready to do the same thing again. Lower taxes, especially for corporations, were a big part of Republican campaign promises and now it’s time to make good on those promises. Wall Street is pretty much depending on some dramatic cuts and possibly the complete elimination of the inheritance tax, all of which would bouy stock prices.

The downside here is that there are likely to be fewer deductions and individuals and families might even see reductions in the earned income credit. Republicans have opposed raises to that credit the past few times it has come up but have compromised to get bills signed. Now that they don’t need to make that compromise there may be a number of deductions that are completely eliminated in order to pay for those cuts in corporate taxes.

While cutting taxes would seem to require a cut in spending, though, don’t expect that to actually happen. Much of the budgetary spending for the next several years has already been determined by contracts that would be even more expensive to renegotiate. So, it could be very interesting to see how the tax cuts affect the budget without adding more onto the national debt, which is another extremely sensitive topic in Washington. There are still a lot of people up there who don’t understand one can’t have a cake that’s already been eaten.

Your phone is your wallet

Credit and debit cards got an update this year with smart chips designed to make fraud much more difficult. Increasingly, though, we are less likely to have to pull our cards from our wallets at all. A mobile app from Google called Hands Free lets customers pay for stuff at stores without having to pull out their phones. Amazon is already testing their own hands-free technology with a special grocery store in the Seattle area. Plus an app being developed by Visa and Honda to allow drivers to pay for products without leaving their cars.

All this does require that you have a smart phone and that specific apps be functioning. What happens if you pull up to a drive-thru where you have no bars? I’m not sure. No one seems to want to talk about the inherent problems with this new cardless pay system. Hacking of personal data seems to be a high possibility, despite assurance from the big seven tech companies that each step brings with it increased security. The other downside is that this new technology eliminates the need for cashiers, so say goodbye to a whole bunch of unskilled jobs. The move also further marginalizes the poor and those whose credit is insufficient to have a bank account. As the number of stores with cashiers dwindles, where will these people have to go to buy food?

Advances in technology are wonderful and largely inevitable. What we have to do over the next year, however, is make sure that we are not leaving out those who lack the priveledges the rest of us take for granted.

A little more afraid

One of the most certain forecasts for 2017 is that we are all a little less trusting and a little more afraid than we were this year. 2016 showed us just how bad a year could be and how that even the best plans could fail in a colossal manner. Not only does 2017 not look any better, there are plenty of people telling us it could be worse. Given the amount of suffering and difficulty we’ve faced over the past 12 months, we are frightened about what might be coming next.

This fear is driving us in two different directions. On one hand, there is a new wave of activism coming, people who refuse to sit down and let the new administration roll over them and take away their rights. The success of the protests at the North Dakota Access Pipeline this year emboldened many people with its demonstration of how people can stand up to the government and win. Expect to see a lot more marching, a lot more protests, and a lot of requests for money to fund these campaigns.

On the other hand, however, people are more likely to guard their personal finances, to spend cautiously and carefully, and to minimize their personal risks. Expect banks to be more cautious in making loans, which could have a negative effect on the housing and car markets. We are likely to see fewer non-technology startups and people who have jobs are more likely to stay in them even if they’re not especially happy. When our global environment is this uncertain, we tend to be extremely careful about where we step.

 

That’s the end of our top ten predictions. If I had room to toss in a bonus prediction it would be that alternative energies are poised for a big boost this year, but there are some policy caveats that could derail that growth as well. I’m also concerned about US relations with foreign countries, especially China given its continued aggression in the South China Sea. My hope is that China might back down in order to prevent any disruption in trade, but that entire area of the world is very tentative as we enter the new year.

I’m still working on a separate survival guide for next year so be looking for that within the next week. 12 months can be a very long time and a lot can happen. When these predictions come true, though, remember that you saw it here first. Maybe. Unless you saw it somewhere else first, which would be very, very strange.

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Just For Fun  /  pop culture  /  Social Commentary
10 Things We Don’t Want In 2017
December 20, 2016
10 things we don't want to see in 2017

Think of this as the anti-list

 

10 things we don't want to see in 2017

There are plenty of things we could make lists about, and probably will over the next couple of weeks. One of the big ones, though, is the list of things we really don’t want to see in the next year. With everything we’ve been through this year, there’s not much we really want to carry over. In fact, we’re rather selective about anything new that might be coming along. We’re concerned about what might happen over the next 12 months.

The thing about the future, of course, is that it is what we make of it. No one has a lock on what might or might not happen. We can make the next year better if we put forth the effort.

Of course, I’m not sure I have any faith in people putting forth the effort. We don’t exactly have the best track record given the way we’ve behaved over the past 12 months. So, here’s our list of things that absolutely, positively, unquestionably, should not happen in 2017. And if any of them do happen, we’re going to publicly shame whoever is responsible.

 

The Bottom Five

10 things we don't want to see in 2017

10. Awkwardly flavored soda. Actually, we don’t need any new soda at all, but I’m sure someone at Coca-Cola or Pepsi will convince executives that they have a can’t miss proposition that scored really well with a test group that has never actually had soda before. The problem with new sodas now is that, having already explored most of the flavors that occur naturally, all that’s left are the mashups one gets by standing at the soda fountain mixing different flavors together in uncertain quantities. While popular among 14-year-old males, these strange mixes are really just bad ideas with mediocre marketing. No more.

9. Cookie mashups. What are we, two-year-olds trapped in a high chair? I swear, half the new snacks we’ve seen this year have to be the products of parents who were trapped at home with their toddler on a rainy Saturday. Oreos with Doritos? No thank you. Honey-dipped cheese sauce? Please, there’s a reason the kid didn’t actually eat that combination. What’s worse is that these new snack combinations are doomed to some of the worst marketing ideas we’ve ever seen. Honestly, Hershey’s, the Snack Patrol? Someone’s been watching too many late-night reruns. Try keeping things simple this next year.

8. Book sequels not written by the original author. I don’t envy book editors whose job it is to publish material that is going to be profitable before it is actually released. The number of great authors is limited and, for better or worse, a number of those who might have penned blockbuster novels are choosing to self-publish instead. There are a number of classic novels that, at least on some level, seem to demand a sequel that the original author never wrote. Once a writer is deceased, however, there are fewer ethical problems with hiring someone else to write the sequel for them. There’s just one problem with that: the sequels stink. In fact, quite often they stink when written by original authors.  Let’s just limit the sequels not part of the original literary plan, okay?

7. New social media sites. Nope, don’t need ’em. I don’t care how wonderful the idea seems. Social media has picked its dominant tools. Only Twitter has any chance of being replaced by a newcomer, and that’s only if it captures the fancy of the Great Orange President. New social media applications are dangerous. We sign up for them, find them to be the most boring things ever, and then promptly forget that we signed up for them, leaving the information in our half-finished profiles open to hackers. Making a bad situation worse is the fact that the hacks are so insignificant that they never get reported. As a result, we don’t know that our information has been hacked. So, let’s try going 12 months without signing up for anything new, okay? Give it a try.

6. New photography/art sites. Photographers and artists are so desperate to sell anything to anyone that they’ll jump on every new site that comes along without bothering to think whether there’s really any chance of one site working any better than another. There’s not. People don’t buy art online in significant enough volume for any site to actually boast any success. Of course, part of that could be due to the fact that the creative work being put on these sites isn’t commercially viable in the first place. Still, we really don’t need any more creative sites that do nothing more than waste our time with empty promises.

The Top Five

10 things we don't want to see in 2017

5. New terrorist organizations. Sorry, we have too many terrorist groups to keep track of already. I don’t give a fuck how niche your religious beliefs might be or how passionate one might be in their zealotry. Just stay home, keep your fucking opinions to yourself, and put up that bomb-making kit before someone gets hurt. Terrorists need to learn that we’re not going to give in because of violence and they’re not going to win any favor by trying to kill everyone on the planet who doesn’t agree with them. We’re tired of this shit. If you’re thinking of starting a new terrorist organization, just go fuck yourself and call it a day.

4. Attacks on civil rights. One of the most disgusting aspects of 2016 has been the severity with which civil rights have been attacked. This nonsense needs to stop right now and shouldn’t be carried over into the next year. If you’re a member of the KKK or any other white supremacy group then feel free to kill yourself. We promise to not mourn your passing. Hate is a blight on this world and you’re doing nothing but making the planet a less tolerable place to live. And don’t give me that shit about those who dislike hate groups being intolerable. Hate is a choice we can no longer accept. If you choose to hate, you need to not be present in the next year.

3. New reality programming. Reality TV has been nothing but disastrous, culminating this year in the election of a reality personality as president. Given that each new reality program inherently tries to do something more absurd than the shows before it, we simply cannot risk anything new over the next year. We aren’t likely to survive anything more ridiculous and dangerous than the Trump administration. This has to stop here. Please. For the sake of all humanity.

2. Celebrating people who have done nothing of value. This goes hand-in-hand with the reality programming, and for the same reason. Our national obsession with making celebrities of people simply because they’re rich has to stop. We don’t need any more Hadids or Jenners or Trumps. This stupid and nonsensical obsession damn-near destroyed democracy this past year and has placed us on the brink of complete destruction. It is time we started celebrating people who actually help society, people who know what it means to actually work rather than just bossing people around and firing them for stupid reasons. Leave this bad habit right here. No more.

1. Ignorance. Come on, we’re entering 2017. We have access to every bit of wisdom ever recorded and we can get that information at any time on our phones. So, why are we, collectively, so fucking stupid? We need to leave the stupidity behind and make a concerted effort to become a more intelligent and better-informed society over the next year. By doing so, we will inherently eliminate many of the problems that have cause 2016 to be such an incredibly horrible and distasteful year. We also would be taking a giant step toward ensuring that our species won’t be exterminated in the next hundred years or so. If we are going to survive, we have to put ignorance and all the problems it creates right here in 2016. There is no place for it in the future.

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pop culture  /  science
The Internet Of Things Isn’t Ready For Prime Time
December 5, 2016
charles i. letbetter - the internet of things isn't ready for prime time

Having everything in your life connected could be great or could be a giant disaster

 

charles i. letbetter - the internet of things isn't ready for prime time

Personal assistants sound like so much fun, don’t they? At least, if you believe the commercials they do.

“Siri, find me a Japanese restaurant in Riyadh.”

“Alexa, turn down the lights and turn up the music.”

“Google, what’s theweather forecast for her heart?” (Stormy, apparently, if one is married to a popular country musician.)

Chances are pretty high by now that you’ve seen the commercial. Google and Amazon are both being especially aggressive this season in selling various styles of their different personal assistant devices. The commercials do a very good job of showing the positive side of having as much of your life plugged in as possible. Unlocking the door so you don’t have to fumble for keys in the rain. Checking how to say “hello” in an obscure language just before meeting a guest from a foreign country. Reading your grandmother’s cookie recipe to you while you’re hands are covered with flour. There’s even a refrigerator whose contents you can check while at the grocery store. All of that sounds absolutely wonderful, doesn’t it?

Welcome to the Internet of Things, a growing atmosphere where, increasingly, every part of our lives, from what’s in our closet to the temperature setting on a slow cooker, are potentially available for control either by voice command or an app on your phone. Everything is right there, waiting for you to tell it what to do, or perhaps following previous instructions. Welcome to the future. The world looks extremely comfortable from this viewpoint.

Wait, though. Before you introduce Alexa or Cortana or Google to every aspect of your home, you might want to stop and think about the consequences.

 

Only In The Movies

charles i. letbetter - the internet of things isn't ready for prime time

Well, television, actually. The show is CBS’s political drama, Madame Secretary, wherein actress Tea Leoni plays Secretary of State Elizabeth McCord. One of the subplots this season came with the theft of her son’s laptop. There were threats and some suspicious activity here and there, resulting in increased security for the family.

Their real vulnerability was exposed, however, when a hacker takes over all the “smart” appliances in their home, turning them all off and on at random. The scene was almost comical as the ice maker in the refrigerator kept spitting ice at family members. For the family, however, the event was terrifying. They quickly became aware of the fact that the Internet of Things isn’t quite ready for prime time yet. There are still a number of bugs to be worked out before the system can be trusted with the finer points of our lives.

How close was the episode to reality? Probably closer than most of us would consider comfortable. While the ice throwing might have been a bit of a stretch, the rest of that scene is pretty accurate. There are a number of “smart” devices available on the market now that allow those devices to be controlled remotely, usually through an app on your phone. While the ice throwing part might be a bit of a stretch, the rest is entirely possible. Even “dumb” appliances can be made “smart” by plugging them into a connected outlet. If you have something that runs on electricity, it can, in theory at least, be connected to the Internet.

While that might sound convenient, the problem is that the Internet is not a terribly safe place to store things that are valuable.  No matter how secure you might think the cloud is, there is someone out there right now trying to hack it.

 

Warning from the FBI

charles i. letbetter - the internet of things isn't ready for prime time

The dangers that come with the personal assistants and the Internet of Things are inherent to the beast. Everyone knows about them. The question is how to mitigate those risks down to reasonable levels. Last September, the Federal Bureau of Investigation released a rather lengthy Public Service Announcement addressing some of the more urgent and frequent security concerns. Here’s an excerpt from that statement.

The main IoT risks include:

  • An exploitation of the Universal Plug and Play protocol (UPnP) to gain access to many IoT devices. The UPnP describes the process when a device remotely connects and communicates on a network automatically without authentication. UPnP is designed to self-configure when attached to an IP address, making it vulnerable to exploitation. Cyber actors can change the configuration, and run commands on the devices, potentially enabling the devices to harvest sensitive information or conduct attacks against homes and businesses, or engage in digital eavesdropping;
  • An exploitation of default passwords to send malicious and spam e-mails, or steal personally identifiable or credit card information;
  • Compromising the IoT device to cause physical harm;
  • Overloading the devices to render the device inoperable;
  • Interfering with business transactions.

A couple of things here are worth noting immediately. Anything that is “universal” is universally at risk. That means that the device is open to accepting information from any number of potential sources, making it especially easy for hackers to access the system. Anything with a “default” password is vulnerable even before it’s shipped. Passwords that provide access to multiple objects in your home places your whole family at risk.   While security has improved since these guidelines were released, there is still a very high probability that putting one’s home online is putting one’s home at risk.

Even systems you thought were safe can be risky. Remember that huge Target hack that happened last year? The hackers were able to get into the system by using credentials stolen from an HVAC worker. That’s right, Target’s HVAC is online. Not only is it online, when the hack occurred, none of the system’s default passwords had been changed. For hackers to break into the entire system was as easy as possible.

We should also probably mention that anything app controlled can be easily blocked, either by a person or by one’s ISP or by another app. There are myriad ways in which access to your control app could be blocked.

 

Improvement still requires caution

charles i. letbetter - the internet of things isn't ready for prime time

A lot has improved since the FBI’s warning came out last year. With each new iteration of a product, developers are getting infinitely better at building security into their devices. However, it is going to take a while before all connected services are totally safe.

A 2014 article from digital security provider TrendMicro contains some very valuable advice if you want to make your home both smart and safe.

  • Ensure that smart devices are secure – (ex: Username/password)
  • Regularly change smart device access credentials
  • Check/replace batteries in devices and sensors
  • Diagnose and Resolve device operational issues
  • Monitor device manufacturer notifications (ex: web sites, feeds, e-mail, devices) for notifications of device operational issues and firmware updates
  • Perform firmware updates, as required to ensure continued device security and operation
  • Perform device management app updates on smart phones/tablets of family members
  • Reconfigure existing devices to grant additional access by other family members
  • Identify new household convenience scenarios and configure/test devices accordingly
  • Assist other members of the household with smart device related issues

Those are very important consideration to remember before making anything in your home accessible through the Internet.

I was talking with a friend yesterday about this very topic and she raised the fear of losing her entire music collection. I countered that perhaps even worse than losing the collection would be having it corrupted. Imagine saying, “Hey Alexa, play Zeppelin.” and what you get is a familiar-sounding dinosaur singing, “I love you, you love me …” That is exactly the kind of horror to which we make ourselves available.

Not everything about the Internet of Things is bad, mind you. The potential for both convenience and learning are significant (Alexa, what sound does a whale make?). However, if we’re going to put more and more of our lives online, we have to understand the risks and, perhaps most importantly, be willing to accept the consequences.

Think before you connect yourself or someone else this holiday season.

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Fashion  /  pop culture  /  PotD
If You Didn’t Shop For A Year
December 2, 2016
charles i. letbetter- no shopping for a year

Sales are up this holiday season, but what if you didn’t shop at all for a year?

 

charles i. letbetter- no shopping for a year

So, how is your holiday shopping going? I’m not quite done yet and I know I need to get on the ball and get finished so that I’m not stuck with rush shipping fees. Now that my all-important birthday is out of the way, I can get about the business of attending to the rest of the world.

Shopping for this holiday season is up a bit, with consumers spending over $2 billion black Friday weekend. A fair portion of that is online, as more and more people either don’t have the time or just don’t want to be bothered with going to the store. The amount we are spending, per person, however, is up. Generally speaking, that is a good thing. Our level of holiday spending is typically an indicator of how positive we’re feeling about the coming year. Obviously, some of you are tremendously more positive than I am.

What would happen, though, if none of us bought anything for an entire year? I know, it could never happen. We need stuff. The economy needs us to need stuff. However, I came across an article this week from a woman who just finished a year without shopping. She actually did it. The article got me thinking about the ramifications of such a thing becoming even moderately widespread. We could save money, but would that sink the economy?

 

What it takes to not shop

charles i. letbetter- no shopping for a year

The article in question, My year of no spending is over – here’s how I got through it, was published on the Money Blog of The Guardian this past week. The author, , details some of  the challenges of a decision she made to change her personal shopping habits. She writes:

I was spending without thinking, lured in by advertising and the promise that I could spend my way to happiness. I was stuck in a cycle of consumerism – earning money to buy stuff I didn’t really need, which wasn’t making me happy.

The problem she saw in herself is likely one with which a lot of us can identify, especially this time of year. We shop without thinking. We know we need  X number of gifts for whichever holiday(s) you observe, but then we go beyond that, filling our baskets, and our credit cards, with things simply because, “ooh, that’s a really good price.” Do we actually need all the stuff we buy? Absolutely not. The question is, can we actually survive not buying it?

Ms. McGagh’s caveat is that bills and pre-arranged obligations came first. When it was necessary to pay her share on a roofing job between her and her neighbor, she did. Living in London, she also had to buy her food, not grow it. It’s not that she didn’t spend any money at all. She took care of her basic needs. What she didn’t do was shop and shopping is different than buying. We buy what we need. We shop for what we want.

Along the way, Ms. McGagh found that her attitude toward spending changed. She was not as affected by sales ads and commercials. She wasn’t drawn in by artificial discounts. She also made some sacrifices, such as biking instead of taking the bus, not hanging out at bars with friends, and choosing vacation options that many of us might find boring. In the end, though, she was able to pay down her mortgage significantly and save a great deal of  money in the process. Her exercise in being frugal sounds successful. Still, that doesn’t mean we should all join her.

 

Your role in the economy

charles i. letbetter- no shopping for a year

When we talk about personal finances, the emphasis is almost always on the personal. We look at out spending in relation to how we are affected directly. However, there is another element here that deserves some consideration before we all try to start a new movement of frugality or anything. What we do, whether buying or shopping, has an effect outside of ourselves. While helping our own finances, we can inadvertently do harm to others.

There is this thing called the Gross Domestic Product (GDP). This is, effectually, how much money the country spends in the course of a year. U.S. GDP was $18.657 trillion in the Third Quarter 2016. We’ve stayed pretty much on that level of spending the entire year. What’s important to our country’s economy is for that number to grow.

You, dear reader, participate in the GDP every time you make a purchase. This is known as the GDP per capita. If the simple GDP was $18.657 trillion and we divide that by the approximated population of the United States, we have a GDP per capita somewhere around $50,424.32. That’s a lot of buying for one person.

Obviously, a lot of us don’t spend $50K.  This is an average. Roughly half the population spends more, while the other half spends less. Still, that number represents our level of participation in the nation’s economy. While a single person’s $50K may not seem like much, the aggregation of many people pulling back on their spending would have a considerable impact. You may buy only one “big ticket” (over $1000) item this year, but if a million people, less than one percent, were to skip that big ticket item, our economy would experience a moderate recession. If five million people reduce their personal spending by more than 50%, we’re looking at a full-blown depression. The economy is dependent not merely on you buying, but buying more than you earn. That’s why you see so many commercials pushing credit cards.

 

Striking the right balance

charles i. letbetter- no shopping for a year

There is a balance, I think, between being as frugal as Ms. McGagh’s experiment and being an economically responsible citizen. We can grow the GDP without breaking the bank, which has been our typical approach.

First, we need to re-think how we shop and what we buy. Instead of giving in to the temptation of fast fashion and buying clothes multiple times a year, one can focus on spending a little more per piece for quality goods that don’t have to be replaced as often. You’re still spending, but you ultimately save money by not running to H&M every other week because that blouse or pants you bought six months ago is already falling apart.

Second, we need to consider where we shop. Buying local, especially at single-owner shops and boutiques, has a greater impact on the economy than shopping at big box stores. With large retailers, much of what you spend goes to international suppliers and does not have as much impact on the US GDP. However, when you buy locally made goods and services from entrepreneurs who live in your town, the vast majority of the money stays right here. You don’t have to spend as much to boost the GDP.

Third, be a little more self-sufficient, especially when it comes to food. Despite the fact that we raise immense amounts of food on farms across the United States, roughly 20 percent of what you see in the store, especially in terms of fresh fruits and vegetables, is grown elsewhere. That adds up to about 390 pounds per capita that’s not having a full impact on the domestic GDP. Yet, if stores are not providing local produce, what options do you have? For many Americans, a small garden in their yard could have a tremendous impact, saving you both money and, in the strange way that numbers sometimes work, boosting the economy. It might take a little innovation for some, but if even 20 percent of the population started growing 20 percent of the vegetables they consume, the impact would be considerable.

So, could you go a whole year without shopping? I know that might be asking a bit much, but given the uncertainties of the next few years, a bit of frugality is probably not a bad thing at all.

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Advertising  /  pop culture  /  video
Trying To Send The Right Message
November 28, 2016
charles i. letbetter - trying to send the right message

“Buy my stuff” are words advertisers can’t use this time of year. They have to go for a broader message.

 

charles i. letbetter - trying to send the right message

I have to be very careful in telling this story because it involves people we really do care about, we just happen to think they are very wrong about some things. Please forgive me if I fudge on some of the details.

About a month ago, I bought Kat a very large and colorful scarf. The scarf was to offset the solid gray suit that she needed to wear for a special occasion. At first, I wasn’t sure how much Kat actually liked the scarf. It was one of those times when, after staring at a wall of scarves, she turned to me and said, “You’re the fashion person here. You choose.” I never know quite what to do with statements like that.

Nonetheless, as it’s gotten colder Kat has taken to wearing the scarf in place of a hat. The scarf is large enough that she can drape it over her head then wrap it around to keep as much of her face and neck warm as she needs. As an added bonus, it doesn’t smash her hair down as a hat would.

This past weekend, she wore the scarf to an event we were attending. As we were preparing to leave that evening, Kat started to put on her scarf and was wrapping it around her neck when someone for whom we care very much said, “You look like you’re about to set off a bomb in that thing.”

We were stunned and left without saying anything further. We know this person to be kind, caring, and very giving. For such an incredibly racist statement to come from her mouth was not only surprising, it hurt.

People all over the country have been saying a lot of hurtful and insensitive things the past few weeks. We’re heading into that time of year when we’re supposed to be unified and joyous. Yet, it seems like every day there’s a new video of someone berating another because of their presumed religion, or race, or ancestry, or gender.

Advertisers have picked up on the tenuous emotion of this particular holiday season and many have backed off the aggressiveness of trying to sell their product. Instead, they’ve opted to attempt to send a message that perhaps gets us a little closer to the actual holiday spirit. Sure, they still want you to buy their stuff, but they don’t want you to yell at a cashier because she’s Hindu or screaming at a woman in the aisle just because she’s wearing a hijab.

Below are three ads that have very important messages going beyond purchasing their product. If you get the message, that’s wonderful. May you have a joyous holiday season. If you don’t, you might need to back up and rethink why you’re bothering to celebrate any holiday at all.

 

Come Together

charles i. letbetter - trying to send the right message

 

https://youtu.be/VDinoNRC49c

 

Good Times

 

Open Your Heart To Everyone

charles i. letbetter - trying to send the right message

 

https://youtu.be/aFPcsYGriEs

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pop culture  /  PotD
Say Goodbye To Black Friday
November 25, 2016
charles i. letbetter - goodbye black friday

The days of waiting in line all night for a chance at a bargain are over.

 

charles i. letbetter - goodbye black friday

I am doing well to move this morning. No longer being accustomed to standing on my feet for hours on end, yesterday’s marathon of ten hours in the kitchen did me in. My ankles were throbbing as I fell into bed early last night. This morning, walking the dog was painful. None of my joints wanted to cooperate. This is all beside the fact that I still feel totally overstuffed from dinner. After yesterday, I don’t see how anyone can even think about getting up too damn early and standing in line for an alleged deal.

Black Friday used to be a tradition for a lot of families, but that tradition seems to be waning rather heavily.  I took note as we walked through the neighborhood this morning. Several cars were missing yesterday as many had gone to visit relatives for the holiday. However, everyone was back home this morning. No one was out shopping at 4:00 AM. The only vehicle out was the local newspaper carrier.

While it’s still much too early to get many reliable reports, lower numbers seem to be the case elsewhere. Britain tried adopting the U.S. tradition a few years ago, but reports this morning are that UK shoppers and retailers have largely turned their backs on Black Friday. We’re accustomed to hearing tales of chaos and fighting, but Business Insider sent someone out early to Wal-Mart and they reported everything was quiet, calm, and not the least bit overcrowded. Black Friday as we once knew it is dead. Sure, there’s still shopping, and greed, and one-day sales, but the whole event has changed and isn’t likely to return to the madhouse it once was.

This is a good thing.

 

The Myth Of Black Friday

charles i. letbetter - goodbye black friday

Black Friday has never been the big savings bonanza people tend to think. Prices are marked down on a few highly visible loss leaders in an attempt to get people into stores. For decades, that plan has worked. Here’s a rather hilarious video that explains the whole concept:

For years we’ve fallen for this piece of retail fraud. We like the idea of sales. In fact, we’ve conditioned ourselves to not pay what we think is full price for anything. Retailers know this. So, that “full price” is falsified so that the actual “full price” looks like a bargain. We fall for the trick every time.

We also like the holidays and for many Black Friday shopping is a part of their holiday routine. Whole families have been known to go out together, setting up tents in frigid temperatures, and pretending to love every minute of it because, hey, it’s the holidays and it’s families. Retailers know that as well and they’ve pushed store openings earlier to the point that many now open on Thanksgiving day itself. Why? Because they know you just can’t wait to start the holidays.

So, while retailers may be guilty of starting the whole Black Friday ruse, we’re the ones guilty of perpetuating it and making it worse. The ridiculousness only works because we buy into the whole myth. If we actually applied intelligent thought to the matter, the whole event would quickly go away.

 

But Wait, Something Is Changing

charles i. letbetter - goodbye black friday

This year Black Friday is noticeably different. Multiple news sources are finding that Black Friday is losing its focus and online sales surged yesterday as more people decided to stay home and shop online. Major big-box retailers, such as Wal-Mart and Best Buy as well as online powerhouse Amazon all started their Black Friday sales two weeks in advance for those savvy enough to be paying attention.

In some ways, Black Friday isn’t just a one-day event, but an entire shopping season unto itself. With online sales having grown by over 16%, brick-and-mortar retailers are having to scramble harder and getting much less in return. Last year’s Black Friday numbers were some of the most disappointing ever, leaving a large number of stores still looking at red on their accounting books rather than black. The hope this year has been that by expanding the sales as well as embracing online shopping that disaster might be averted.

Take note, though: US retailers weren’t hurting nearly as bad as they let on. Sales numbers at discount merchants, which is where most of you are shopping in the first place, have been booming. Deep discounters, such as Dollar Store and Dollar Tree are actually expanding, building more stores, and hiring more staff. Who’s left hurting are high-dollar luxury goods stores and high-end department stores such as Macy’s and Nordstrom.  Mall stores such as Abercrombie & Fitch and American Apparel are at risk of having to close more stores if this holiday season does not improve dramatically, and there’s no indication it will.

Sure, we still love a good sale, but fewer of us are willing to get out of bed at some ungodly hour on a cold morning in November to actually take advantage of those sales. We’d rather sit home, surf on our phones, and buy that cute sweater online. Black Friday as a day of chaos and high sales appears to be all but dead.

 

Controlling Our Greed

charles i. letbetter - goodbye black friday

I’ve complained about Black Friday before. In fact, these photos were first part of a Black Friday rant four years ago. Unfortunately, we lost that particular article when the server crashed a couple of years ago. Still, my point is that this exercise in sheer greed is not new. Just because the shape of Black Friday is expanding beyond a single 24-hour period doesn’t mean that we’re buying any less. We’re not. If anything, our constant consumption has taken our shopping to new heights. While the bash-em-in-the-head version of Black Friday might be over, what we’ve done is expand the scope and methodology of our greed. We’re buying more.

Sure, where we’re shopping has changed. We’re buying more from local stores, which improves our local economy. We’re buying more online, which helps the environment a little bit, allegedly. We’re still buying, though, and not necessarily so we can give to others. While the numbers vary wildly from one report to another, a fair portion of us useBlack Friday sales to buy things for ourselves. That new big screen TV? Yeah, that’s going in our own living room. We can call if a family gift if you want, but we still know the actual reasoning was pure selfishness. We deserve it, right? That sweater? Hey, it’s getting colder out and that one you bought last year is looking a bit ratty. And you can never have too many pants.

We don’t need to have a Black Friday to be greedy. We just are. We always have been. Each year, we say we’re going to give more to charity. Each year, there are more opportunities to real good. Each year, we just let those opportunities slip right on by. Why? Because those boots are40% off the price previously marked up 50$. We’re not buying them for the kids, or for Aunt Ella. Those are going in our own closets. We’re greedy.

Herein lies the perpetual hypocrisy of Thanksgiving, a reflection of much of the hypocrisy other countries see in all of America. We claim to be so concerned about others. We claim to want what is best for the world. But in the end, it’s our own fat asses we take care of. We give thanks for what we have and then demand more.

I made sausage balls yesterday and set them out for everyone to snack on throughout the day. My hope was that they would be enough to keep the little ones out of my hair. It didn’t work. They looked at the overflowing container and asked, “It this all we’re getting?”

We learn greed young. We need to get over our fat selves. Let’s kill Black Friday for good. Stay home. Don’t shop for what you don’t legitimately need. Stop the greed.

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pop culture  /  PotD
Alternatives To Thanksgiving Day Football
November 24, 2016
charles i. letbetter - alternatives to thanksgiving day football

Somehow, not everyone is a football fan. So, we found some alternative activities for you.

 

charles i. letbetter - alternatives to thanksgiving day football

I don’t understand it, exactly, but I get it: not everyone on the planet is a football fan. At least, not American football. For many families, watching football on Thanksgiving is as much a part of the tradition as is the turkey.

Football serves a unique purpose at Thanksgiving because not only is it inclusive of many people in the family, it is also a way to distract relatives from unpleasant political conversation, something that is especially important this year. We may not agree on who should be president, but we’ll all get excited about a great touchdown pass. Football is also, for many of us, the perfect background noise for taking that post-dinner nap. It’s been years since some of us have actually been awake for the end of the game.

Not everyone is as enthused about the sport, though. In fact, I’m pretty much the only one in my family who bothers to turn it on. They would much rather be doing other things. Unfortunately, too often, those “other things” leave open space for conversation and those conversations can go sideways in a hurry. What we need are after-dinner activities that the whole family can enjoy without risking an outbreak of politics. It took some doing, but we looked around and found a few things that might just work. Feel free to add your own items.

 

Netflix and Chill

charles i. letbetter - alternatives to thanksgiving day football

Thanksgiving is the perfect time to do some damage to your Netflix que. Chance are you’ve been adding a number of movies and/or series that sound really interesting but you never seem to have the time to watch. Now you have the time. The biggest decision comes in deciding what to watch, and that might be no easy tasks. Consider some of these matters before clicking that play button.

  • Is it family-friendly? Those who watch Netflix often can easily forget that there are no censors on the streaming service. There is a preponderance of PG-13 and R-rated films that probably don’t seem that bad but we forget how sensitive Grandma is about “taking the Lord’s name in vain” and other language issues that slip right past those of us who are more secular. If one doesn’t have children it is also easy to forget that they repeat everything they hear.
  • Is there a backstory? So, you’re on episode 4 of Season 2 of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. There are no small children in your family and the show’s hilarious. Seems like a good fit—unless someone doesn’t know the backstory. Remember, not everyone has Netflix, as crazy as that may seem. Uncle Ned might be totally lost coming in so late on the story and trying to catch him up only interrupts the show. Be considerate of those whose lives are not as boring as yours.
  • How well does it sit on a full stomach? I know a lot of people who just love screaming at movies, a trait which seems to run in families. Don’t jump into horror mode just yet, though. Remember, you just finished the largest meal of the century. Keeping all that food down is probably a good thing. Toss out anything on your list that might have the potential to be vomit-inducing. Perhaps old Alfred Hitchcock movies are best. The Alfred Hitchcock Presents series is currently available.
  • Is this something you really want to share with your parents? What is on our Netflix que can be rather personal and says a lot about us. Perhaps you don’t necessarily want everyone to know that you’ve  recently watched Easy or Shameless or 10 Things I Hate About You. Certain titles, we won’t name anything specific, might cause family members to question your lifestyle which could be an issue if you’re not ready to come out as a closet Alicia Silverstone fan just yet. Remember, you’re trying to avoid awkward conversations. Maybe football isn’t such a bad idea.

 

Taking Family Pictures

charles i. letbetter - alternatives to thanksgiving day football

No, I”m not suggesting you call me. I’m not going anywhere all weekend if I can help it. Instead, get out the Instamatic, dust it off, drop in some film, and let different family members take turns being the photographer. You’ll likely be surprised by just how much ham there is in your family, and you might even discover some hidden talent along the way.

Why use film? Because you want memories that can be preserved.  Snapshot prints are less that ten cents a piece now, so there’s no excuse for not getting copies for everyone in the family. While having digital copies is convenient for sharing online, there’s something warm and wonderful about having a print you can put on your refrigerator or tape to a mirror, or tuck away somewhere to cherish. Digital photos can be corrupted. Cloud services come and go. Prints, if cared for properly, can last forever.

Also keep in mind the fact that life sometimes sucks. None of us know who might not be present at next years’ gathering. Get plenty of pictures of everyone, not just your grandparents. Even if the exact same crowd shows up for the next ten years running, it will still be fun to compare how much everyone has changed. There’s no substitute for memories like this. Find that camera and start snapping.

 

Stream A Little Stream

charles i. letbetter - alternatives to thanksgiving day football

Netflix isn’t the only streaming game in town, you know, and if you have a large enough computer monitor or one of those newfangled gadgets that let you stream online content on your television, there are a number of things online that might provide a sufficient distraction.

One of the things that excited me most was discovering that A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is streaming on ABC.go.com. You know you love Charlie Brown. This is one of those shows with which we all grew up. There’s an inherent warm, smooshy feeling that goes with watching Lucy pull away the football at the last moment and Snoopy serving popcorn for dinner. In fact, popcorn for dinner doesn’t actually sound like all that bad an idea, does it?

Oh, and the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is streaming on YouTube as well if you need an early morning distraction for little ones. I mean, c’mon, who doesn’t love a parade? Well, okay, I do know a few people who don’t, but this is a fantastic way to keep those under ten from getting underfoot. They’ll stay occupied for a couple of hours and you can cook in peace. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself. Your experience may differ.

 

Family Storytelling Time

charles i. letbetter - alternatives to thanksgiving day football

I’ll admit, this won’t work for every family. A certain amount of familial cohesiveness has to be present for anyone to be interested. However, especially if you have grandparents and/or grandparents still around, sharing family stories is a great way to pass the time. Perhaps more importantly, however, this is also a great way to preserve your family’s oral history. We too often take for granted that history lives in the experiences of our elders. These are stories we need to hear and to capture before they are lost.

StoryCorp has provided a means for helping people capture these stories at holiday moments like this. Even if you don’t have a video camera or recording capabilities on your computer, chances are you have a cell phone and most every cell phone has a voice recording app that came pre-installed. Capture the stories of what school was like for your great-grandmother. Listen carefully to your parents tell about getting their first car, or the first time they fell in love with someone. These are all stories that are much, much too precious to lose.

Most importantly, stopping to listen to these stories helps build family cohesion. Who knew that Uncle Bud turned down an appointment to the Pentagon so he could marry your Aunt Bea? Or that your cousin Kendra, who you only see every other year, helped author one of the Internet’s biggest mobile apps? Chances are high that almost everyone in the family has a story that no one has heard before. Take a moment and tell those stories, listen to those stories, and cherish the people telling them.

 

Thanksgiving can be dangerous territory if everyone’s not kept busy in some form or another. As challenging as this year has been, you really don’t want to risk Grandpa Fred finding out that Cousin Norman wrote in Harambe on his presidential ballot. There are plenty of ways other than football to keep everyone busy. Give them a try.

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pop culture  /  Social Commentary  /  studio nudes
Try A Different Angle On Thanksgiving
November 22, 2016
charles i. letbetter - try something different for Thanksgiving

Tired of doing things the same way every year? Try out something a little different.

 

charles i. letbetter - try something different for Thanksgiving

Nope, we’re still not ready for Thanksgiving. Not quite. Kat or I will be making another trip to the store this evening to gather the final bit of supplies we need to get us through the weekend. Once we’re all home Wednesday evening, none of us are planning on leaving before Saturday at the earliest. That means that, in addition to everything for Thursday’s dinner, we need to make sure we have other food and supplies for the rest of the weekend. Having everyone home all day is challenging.

When we think of Thanksgiving we tend to think of tradition. Much is made of what they did or didn’t have 400 years ago, and then family traditions fall on top of that. Some people run in early morning races so as to prove their insanity. Other families spend time helping to feed the poor and homeless, which is a noble gesture requiring that one must have children who listen and obey. I have no idea what that is like. I have even met people who spend the day in protest. They find something to fit on a placard every year. I’m just assuming they’re all being unlawfully mistreated at Standing Rock this year.

For me, however, there are really only two traditions that matter. The first is to make sure there are enough leftovers so I don’t have to cook on Friday. I’ll cook the hell out of Thursday, but Friday I’m sleeping the entire day. The second, however, is to not follow tradition but to do at least one thing different; something that we’ve never done before. There are a lot of ways to be different, of course, but they generally fall into three categories: a different place, a different food, and different people.  Let me give you some examples.

 

A Different Place

charles i. letbetter - try something different for Thanksgiving

For us, this will be the first time Kat and I have stayed home for Thanksgiving. We usually would go to her Mom’s for the holiday, but Little Man’s birthday is this week as well so we’re doing birthday/Thanksgiving over there on a different day. This means we get to just enjoy/endure each other on Thursday. Big Gabe, my 18-year-old, said he’s pretty sure this is the first time he’s not gone anywhere for Thanksgiving, and he may be correct. He wasn’t born yet when I was on this roll of doing exotic meals for the holidays. Any other time we were at one grandparent’s house or the other. So, just the idea of staying home on Thanksgiving is a bit awkward and certainly different.

Over the years, though, we have utilized some other non-traditional locations as well. Back when our entire extended family would gather in Wichita, no one had a house big enough to even begin holding us all. So, we rented enclosed facilities at different city parks as long as at least a couple of our parents were still living. The facilities would include stoves and ovens and sinks so we could cook those last-minute items that are only good when fresh. Meanwhile, there was always plenty of room to toss the youngsters outside so they could run off energy and build up an appetite for the meal. After Poppa got to where he couldn’t make the trip, we used the great room of the retirement facility where they lived, invited others there to join, and had a wonderful time sharing Thanksgiving with older people who had nowhere else to go.

There are plenty of options if one just looks around a bit. Some, you do your own cooking. Others, someone else cooks for you (though those options tend to be more expensive). Either way, if you don’t want, or for some reason are unable to do the traditional family thing and the traditional family place, look around. Try someplace different. You might discover a whole new tradition that’s even better.

 

Different Food

charles i. letbetter - try something different for Thanksgiving

I mentioned above about going through a period where I insisted on preparing exotic foods for the holidays. I drove my family nuts with that one. Both sides were always very traditional and they just couldn’t wrap their heads around not having turkey and dressing and green bean casserole. In fact, my former mother-in-law actually brought green bean casserole with her one year because she knew that I wasn’t going to fix any and could not stand the thought of a Thanksgiving without it.

Here’s the thing: you don’t want what they had at the first Thanksgiving. It was dry. It was gamey. Even the vegetables didn’t taste anything like what is on our tables now. So, just throw out that whole idea of a “traditional” Thanksgiving menu and have some fun with it. We’ve had duck (which no one liked as much as they thought they would), we’ve had cornish hens (look,everyone gets their own turkey!), and we’ve even had venison (just don’t play a video of Bambi for a couple of weeks).  There are plenty of options.

Where the fun comes in, I think, is with the side dishes. Sure, we can have potatoes, but let’s prepare them differently for a change. This year, I’m leaning toward this recipe for slow cooker loaded potatoes. First off, it’s highly customizable. If your family is made up of vampires, leave off the garlic. Double down on the bacon if you wish. You could also toss in some olives and sun dried tomatoes if you’re feeling adventurous. The end result should be much more appetizing than yet another round of mashed potatoes.

I’m also considering this recipe for honey roasted butternut squash. Of those attending our home dinner on Thursday, half don’t like sweet potatoes. So, it doesn’t seem fair to leave them out and I know that at least two of them love butternut squash. This recipe is really simple to put together as long as one has a good, sharp knife. Butternut squash isn’t the softest veggie you’ll ever find. Alternatives like this really liven up a Thanksgiving menu without really risking upsetting expectations.

Finally, try something really different in the bread department. Of course, a lot of people use cornbread stuffing, but there’s still this expectation for some kind of roll or pull-apart bread. One year I got really adventurous and made challah, which the family enjoyed. Unfortunately, I don’t have that much counter space to give a full loaf of braided bread a place to rise. We’ll likely go with something from a local bakery. Just make it different than the store-bought Hawaiian rolls that are way over priced.

 

Different People

charles i. letbetter - try something different for Thanksgiving

My parents taught us this one. Regardless of which holiday it might be, if we were fixing a lot of food, and my Mother always fixed enough food for a small army, we invited other people, and almost always people who we didn’t know.  We never had a bad holiday when we did this. Never mind any religious differences, though the year we had an atheist at the table was interesting, never mind the cultural differences, the addition of new people always made the holiday better.

If you have been paying attention to the pictures we’ve used for this article, you’ve noticed all but one have a preponderance of tattoos. For reasons I have yet to understand, there are still a lot of people who find ink offensive. I don’t get it. That concept is almost always based out of ignorance, as is every bias. When we are celebrating our ability to over-consume while nearly a third of the world’s population is starving, we have a moral obligation to set aside our ridiculous opinions and reach out to people who are as different from us as possible. Build bridges, not walls. Invite that fussy neighbor. Pick up that friend of a friend whose name you can’t remember but you know will be alone. Hell, bring home a stripper. Strippers have to eat, too.

One of the reasons suicides go up during the holidays is because people who have been alone for far too many Thanksgivings just don’t want to go through another one. Try swallowing your fucking pride for a change. Invite someone different. You’ll both end up with a reason to be Thankful.

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Fashion  /  Original Style  /  pop culture
Avoid Holiday Disaster: Don’t Color Your Own Hair
November 19, 2016
charles i. letbetter - don't use box color

Want to do something to your hair for the holidays? Put down that box color! Don’t be a DIY disaster.

 

charles i. letbetter - don't use box color

Erg. The holidays are here and your hair is just an absolute mess. You want to do something with it, but you let the season sneak up on you. If you didn’t schedule an appointment with your stylist at least a month ago, you’re screwed on trying to get in to any reputable salon. So, for a lot of women, there’s this incredible temptation to just do something yourself. After all, you can get boxed hair color cheaply enough at your local store. Sounds like a reasonable work-around, doesn’t it?

I get it. When I first met Kat, one of the things I liked was that she was very adventurous with her hair color. The problem was that in doing her hair herself she was routinely frying her hair, having to chop it all off and then growing it out again. That routine, along with a few other details, is what encouraged her to go to beauty school. Want to guess what she learned there? You shouldn’t be using box color on your hair! Mind you, she’s still every bit as adventurous with her hair color, but she’s learned  her lesson and no longer has to cut off all her hair every few months.

Still, there are sources out there who are trying to sell product and go to some lengths to do so. Clairol paid for an article on Popsugar touting the ease of using their box color to liven up one’s hair. They did their best to make it look like something objective, though the editors at Popsugar were very clear in making sure readers understood it was a sponsored article. What they apparently weren’t expecting was the fact that a number of actual licensed, professional stylists would not only read the article, but share the article as an example of what not to do. Kat showed me some of the comments. They’re rather brutal and for good reason:

NEVER USE BOX COLOR ON YOUR HAIR!

 

A Thousand Different Shades Of Wrong

charles i. letbetter - don't use box color

Part of the appeal for using box color is that it is, allegedly, easy to find a color that you’ll like, maybe even one that matches your natural color. If only that were true. While boxed products do offer a wide variety of colors that look on the outside of the box as though they might be what you want, the reality is much, much different. First of all, there’s no such thing as one-size-fits-all hair color, and that’s exactly what boxed color is trying to pull off. Trying a hair color isn’t like trying on a rain poncho. Hair color has to be individually formulated to your hair for it to work correctly. Boxed color can’t do that.

Do you have any idea everything your colorist considers before putting something on your hair?  You know they ask a lot of questions and they keep meticulous records of what they’ve done previously for good reason. Anything that touches your hair has the potential to change the way it takes color. Your colorist considers things such as your hair’s porosity, your skin tone, the natural level of pigment, previous chemicals used on your hair, the kind of shampoo you use, and whether you have any grey.  Even then, colorists know that the ash blonde that looks wonderful on one person is likely to look like a fruit basket gone wrong on someone else.

Boxed colors also use a 12% or higher developer, significantly higher than what your colorist is likely to use. The reason boxes use such a high level is to make sure that the product does something to your hair. Unfortunately, that something is more likely to be in the neighborhood of frying it rather than helping to any degree. There’s just no way that a boxed hair color product can give you the same level of individualized attention that your hair needs.

 

Not as affordable as you think

charles i. letbetter - don't use box color

Another reason many women choose boxed color is because it appears to be more affordable. $8 for a boxed color versus $60 or more for just a single color at a salon? Sure, sounds like a wonderful bargain—until it all goes wrong. Anyone who has used box color likely knows the pain of looking in the mirror and seeing something they did not expect. What do you do? Try another color? Attempt to wash it out as quickly as possible? Put another color over the top of it? All of those options are horrible for your hair and end up leaving it looking worse than when you started.

One of the things we need to understand when talking about box color and that their formulas change all the time and companies are under no obligation to tell the consumer what changes were made and how they might potentially affect your hair. So even if you managed to find a boxed product that wasn’t too horrible one time, chances are extremely high that when you go back six months later and try the same color again it doesn’t work because the formula changed! Oh, and if you tried doing highlights with one of those silly cap things you almost certainly know what it’s like to have polka-dot hair. They don’t work.

There’s no substitute for a professional application and customized color. So, when you do it yourself and it fails, horribly, you end up having to go to the salon to get it fixed. At the very least, you’re now going to pay over $100 for a colorist to repair your self-induced disaster. If you have managed to fry your hair in the process then you’re going to get an unwanted hair cut removing the damage. One can easily come out of the salon a couple hundred dollars poorer and looking like a Marine Corp recruit who just entered basic training. Repairing the damage one inevitably does to their hair with a box color always costs several times more than what the salon color would have been. Doesn’t it just make more sense to have it done right in the first place?

 

Your options are limited

charles i. letbetter - don't use box color

Let’s get real here: if you don’t already have an appointment with your stylist by now, your options are tremendously limited. You do not want to attempt a home box color. Neither do you want to risk a bad home perm job for many of the same reasons. While the number of options at this juncture are limited, there are a couple of things we can safely recommend.

First, consider having your hair done at a beauty school. The students need the practice and are supervised by instructors who are there to help prevent a disaster like the one you would get at home. Understand, this time of year even they may not have time to give you a complicated color process. Anything that takes multiple hours of work is probably best saved for after the holidays.   However, they can do haircuts and color re-touches with little problem. Of course, we strongly recommend using an Aveda school salon if you have one in your area. Yes, we are more than a little biased. In addition to getting a great cut and style, you also get their wonderful massage service and it’s still only $17 for a haircut. Color services start somewhere around $30.

Second, if you’re really desperate and have some sense of what you’re doing, a wash and set can be done at home without necessarily ending in disaster. Understand, though, this takes some knowledge of what you want, what size curler to use, and the dexterity to actually fasten the curlers in the back of your head. Doing anything to your hair on your own is challenging, but at least if you botch this one you just wash it out and try again. I remember my mother frequently doing her own hair on a Saturday night so that it would look good for church the next day. Of course, my mother went to beauty school, too. She had an advantage. Still, if your back’s against a wall, this might be worth a shot.

I know everyone wants to look good for the holidays and with busy schedules it’s easy to forget to set appointments with your hair stylists. Still, there is no good reason for jumping off the deep end and trying to color your hair yourself with some box you picked up at CVS. Wash your hair, use a good conditioner, and chances are no one will give you any grief. After all, everyone’s more interested in the food. You’ll be fine.

Enjoy the holidays!

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Just For Fun  /  pop culture  /  PotD
Hosting Thanksgiving Without Hosting Politics
November 19, 2016

Thanksgiving with family is great until someone starts talking politics. Let’s avoid that, shall we?

 

charles i. letbetter - hosting thanksgiving without the politics

Here we are, less than a week before Thanksgiving, and this year everyone’s coming to your house. Sounds fun, doesn’t it, doing all that cooking, seeing the nieces and nephews, listening to Uncle Bud talk about SEC football while Grandma Marian goes on about her hip replacement surgery? I bet you can hardly wait for everyone to get there. This is when families are at their most fun. Cousins who haven’t seen each other in a year playing in the yard, brothers and sisters reminiscing about when they were kids, and more food than anyone ever needs to eat. I remember those Thanksgivings nostalgically, though we’ve not actually had one in several years.

The problem with Thanksgiving, or any family get-together, comes when someone says something, perhaps innocently, that reveals a political rift within the family. Almost every family has someone who doesn’t agree with the majority opinion. If they decide that someone’s statement is offensive to them, then the arguments begin and it doesn’t matter how good the turkey was, all anyone remembers is the year Uncle Bud bashed Aunt Noreen in the head with that lamp. I’m the liberal in a family of conservatives so I just avoid family Thanksgiving down in Wichita. I’m sure we’re all happier that way.

Not everyone shows such discretion, however, and if your family is one of those whose Thanksgivings turn into an annual knock-down, drag-out, pay-per-view event live streamed by the teenaged cousins, we’re here to help. Never mind that the first Thanksgiving almost certainly wasn’t a religious event and was probably more of a harvest festival. Ignore the fact that the alleged friendliness of the Pilgrims was little more than a prelude to murder. Let those discussions happen elsewhere. What matters is that you and your house survive Thanksgiving intact.

 

Preparing Your Home

charles i. letbetter - hosting thanksgiving without politics

Distraction is the name of the game in a politics-free Thanksgiving. What is important is that you remove as many possible reminders of the presidential election as possible. Tempers are still short. Feelings are still hurt. Forks are a weapon. So, start wth the simple things such as removing any political signs from your yard, especially if your side won. No one likes it when the other side gloats. They’ll be in a bad mood before they get out of the car if they see a Trump or Clinton sign in your yard. Instead, just don’t rake the leaves. The kids will enjoy playing in them and the adults will either reminisce about how they used to do the same, or gripe about how you’re a bad neighbor for not taking care of your lawn. Either way, it’s not politics. You’re winning so far.

Next, hide anything of value and do NOT light candles for any reason whatsoever. What you want to avoid is giving anyone an easy weapon. Rather than using the fine china handed down from your great-great-grandmother, use paper plates. By all means, use plastic utensils rather than the silverware that’s been in the family for generations. You certainly don’t want to risk Aunt Josephine’s hair getting too close to an open flame, either. The woman uses a full can of Aqua-Net on that beehive of judgment. One little spark and she’s the flambé. This, of course, will get your relatives talking about the fact you wouldn’t let them use the family relics and that your house smells like dog poop. Again, better than politics.

Worst-case-scenario, should you get wind that Uncle Bud just can’t wait to light into his Hillary-supporting sister-in-law, you can take preventative measures by connecting a small electrical charge to the doorknob on the front door. The relatives you like can be told to use the backdoor. Everyone else gets a shocking greeting. Don’t make the shock too hard, mind you. You don’t want to spend the day at the hospital after Grandma’s pacemaker gives her an unexpected jolt. Just make it enough to hurt like fucking hell and send a clear message that their hate is not wanted in your house. They’ll be talking about you for years.

 

Prepare Yourself

charles i. letbetter - hosting thanksgiving without politics

I’ve always been an advocate of attending family events naked. This is especially true if you’re male because, no matter how good you look, no one in your family wants to see that. Open the door in your birthday suit and watch how quickly everyone suddenly remembers that they promised to spend this Thanksgiving with the other side of the family. The only problem with this approach is that Thanksgiving day often turns out to be on the chilly side. While one can turn up the heat to a comfortable temperature inside, the frequent blasts of cold air that come with greeting your guests is going to make matters all the more uncomfortable for everyone.

An alternative to being naked would be to dress otherwise inappropriately. Pajamas come to mind, especially the kind with feet in them. Dress your entire immediate family that way so that when extended family arrives they think they missed an email or something, which is probably cousin Jennifer’s fault because she always was a stuck-up sort of brat who never let anyone play with her dolls. No pajamas? Go with something sheer or low-cut, something that shows some side boob. Again, this is much more effective if one is male. If you’re female it just makes cousin Horace’s drooling problem that much worse.

Hair and makeup also come into play here. Specifically, if you’re female don’t wear any and, by all means, don’t bother brushing your hair. You want everyone to know how hard you’ve been slaving over this dinner, staying up late to bake pies every night this week, and wrestling with those homemade rolls. Just make sure you’ve hidden all the boxes from the store before you do so. If you’re male, though, you need to go the opposite direction. Open the door with a full face of makeup AND a full beard and everyone immediately forgets that there even was an election this year. Arguably, one has to have a rather thick skin to actually use any of these tactics. Family is going to be telling stories about you for generations. It’s worth it, though, to avoid the uncivil political discussions that tear a family apart.

 

Prepare Your Food

charles i. letbetter - hosting thanksgiving without politics

Everyone shows up for Thanksgiving expecting the regular menu, which Uncle Bob is sure was ordained by God and handed down from the Pilgrims themselves. There has to be roast turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, homemade rolls, cranberry sauce, and enough green bean casserole to last until Christmas. This is what they’re expecting when they come to your house. This, however, is not what you’re going to give them. Trust me, altering the menu is the quickest and easiest way to direct the conversation away from politics and toward the food.

What’s critical here, though, is that the food has to actually be good. If you’re going to go altering the same Thanksgiving menu the family has had since great-grandma crossed the plains in her bare feet,  you have to get it right. Consider trying a Moroccan-Spiced Turkey with Aromatic Orange Pan Jus instead of the traditional shove-it-in-the-oven-and-pray turkey. This blend of spices is going to catch everyone by surprise and leaves a pleasant yet lively taste in your mouth. Then, to really throw everyone off, replace the green bean casserole of death with something like Quinoa Salad with Pistachios and Currants or maybe even Whole Roasted Carrots with Black Lentils and Green Harissa. In place of all those starchy potatoes that no one really needs, try Honey-Roasted Butternut Squash or Acorn Squash with Pomegranate and Kale Tabbouleh. Top all that with something along the lines of Grapefruit Granita with Pear-and-Pom Relish and Cherry-Port Cranberry Sauce and tongues should be wagging when their mouths aren’t full.

Disclaimer: I haven’t actually tried any of those recipes. There will only be five of us at our Thanksgiving dinner and two of those are well-indoctrinated children. I did look over all the recipes, though, and don’t find anything that seems horribly unrealistic, depending upon one’s personal tastes. I may try something along the lines of the Moroccan-spaced turkey and honey-roasted butternut squash just sounds amazing. No one here is going to be upset about messing with any tradition, though.

I also heartily recommend spiking everything possible. The punch. The tea. The coffee. The cranberry sauce. Getting everyone a little bit tipsy without getting them quite drunk puts everyone more at ease, especially if your family doesn’t normally drink. Then, in states where it is legal, adding a fair amount of a certain green herb to your dishes is not a bad idea, either. No one is going to argue if they’re all passed out on the couch. Mind you, we’re not advocating anyone break any laws (much), but if you live in Colorado, Washington, Oregon, California, or some other weed-friendly locale, you can find some herb-based recipes here.

We all know the holidays are stressful and arguments about politics just make everything that much worse. When you’re the one hosting, it’s not like you can gather up the kids and just leave when matters get heated. So, take my advice and prepare for a holiday where there is so many other things to talk about that no one gives a second thought to politics.

You’re welcome.

 

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Current Issues  /  pop culture
You Can’t Handle The Post-Truth
November 17, 2016
charles i. letbetter - you can't handle the post-truth

Exchanging facts for whatever stokes our emotions can only end in fiction

 

charles i. letbetter - you can't handle the post-truth

If I told you that mac & cheese was legally the official food of six-year-olds, would you believe me? Probably not, because you’re not likely to have much, if any, emotional connection to the subject. However, if I told you that red meat had been outlawed and you were only allowed one soda a month, then you might respond. You’d at least read whatever article followed and if it appeared that your dietary habits were being forcibly altered you would be more likely to actually share the article so as to express your outrage. How dare anyone tell you what you can or cannot eat?

Welcome to the post-truth world.

What is post-truth? Post-truth is the Oxford Dictionaries word(s) of the year.  Defined as “relating to or denoting circumstances in which objective facts are less influential in shaping public opinion than appeals to emotion and personal belief,” the use of the adjective has been dominant in discussions of  both the UK decision to leave the EU and the US presidential election. Since use of the word shows no sign if slowing down, both the UK and US versions of the dictionary are adding the word to their pages.

The prevailing question, at least in my mind, is whether we can “handle” the post-truth. Societies generally rely on factual information is they are to survive. If we replace objective facts with something derived purely from emotion, what does that do to our society? Can we survive if the bulk of information we’re receiving is fiction? The danger seems to be very real and very pertinent.

 

Who is making up this nonsense?

charles i. letbetter - you can't handle the post-truth

There’s been a lot of talk recently about who is to blame for all the false post-truth news that is circulating on the Internet. A lot of people seem to enjoy blaming Facebook (FB), but FB’s CEO, Mark Zuckerberg plays down that idea. Zuckerberg says, “Personally, I think the idea that fake news on Facebook — it’s a very small amount of the content — influenced the election in any way is a pretty crazy idea.”

Something tells me Zuckerberg’s newsfeed looks a lot different than mine does. I’ve blocked a number of sources already, but every time I do a dozen more seem to pop up in their place. How does that happen? WHY does that happen?

As it turns out, there are a bunch of pimply-faced teens in Macedonia who think creating propaganda websites is great fun. According to BuzzFeed:

Over the past year, the Macedonian town of Veles (population 45,000) has experienced a digital gold rush as locals launched at least 140 US politics websites. These sites have American-sounding domain names such as WorldPoliticus.com, TrumpVision365.com, USConservativeToday.com, DonaldTrumpNews.co, and USADailyPolitics.com. They almost all publish aggressively pro-Trump content aimed at conservatives and Trump supporters in the US.

Isn’t that lovely. Our entire nation is being trolled by a group of teenagers who are stuck in the Balkans. I understand their boredom. What I don’t understand is why we fell for it all so very heavily. Why does the post-truth content bait us so very easily? I can’t find any direct reasons but one has to assume, based on everything else I’m reading, that we believe the nonsense because it fits the version of truth we have created in our own heads. If we want Mrs. Clinton to be prosecuted for some email offense, then we’re more likely to believe a story that follows that narrative, even if there is nothing else that corroborates that story. We are willing making ourselves gullible fools.

 

There is no good, only bad and ugly

charles i. letbetter - you can't handle the post-truth

With the whole post-truth problem comes the challenge of knowing which sources are legitimate and which are not. There are times when they all look the same. The number of so-called “media outlets” has exploded over the past five years making it nearly impossible for the average person to keep up with those that are actually trying to present the correct information and those that are intentionally making us look like fools.

To that end, Melissa Zimdars, assistant professor of communication & media at Merrimack College in Massachusetts, created a list named “False, Misleading, Clickbait-y, and Satirical ‘News’ Sources.” The list started with only a couple dozen sites but has expanded considerably. Ms. Zimdar states in one of the updates to the list:

I’ve received hundreds of emails with suggestions, very few of which are duplicates, so it will take me a while to sift through and verify them. I will add them as appropriate.  

She is also receiving help from librarians and plans on adding more details to her list as time allows. The problem is a serious one. At the very least, those who are conscientious about separating truth from fiction would do well to go through Ms. Zimdars’ list and make sure all the sites are blocked from their newsfeeds. Remember, the people behind this are only in it for the money. If we take away their access to our newsfeeds, they don’t make money and will move on to other activities, hopefully, something along the line of finding a cheaper wi-fi solution.

Oh, but this problem gets so much worse the longer we look at it.

When Adm. Michael Rogers, who leads both the NSA and US Cyber Command, says there shouldn’t be “any doubt in anybody’s mind” that there was “a conscious effort by a nation-state” to sway the result of the 2016 presidential election, we should begin trembling with fear. Specifically, it seems almost certain that Russian hackers obtained email from the Democratic National Committee and then only release to Wikileaks those it felt would most damage Mrs. Clinton’s campaign. Wikileaks then, in a very post-truth manner, ran with the emails, couching them in terms that gave an appearance of wrong-doing even though such was not the case.

When post-truth tactics are used to alter the democratic process, we have to make very sure that we are doing something to eliminate this danger to national security.

 

So, here’s what ya’ gotta do

charles i. letbetter - you can't handle the post-truth

No! Do NOT go take a nap, even if you do look so nice and innocent when you do. At the very least, as we mention above, one needs to black every known fake news source from their social media feeds. Facebook has had that ability for quite a while and Twitter just recently added similar capabilities as well. Use them . Block the nonsense before it ever has a chance to get into your brain.

Ms. Zimdars also offers the following suggestions:

  • Avoid websites that end in “lo” ex: Newslo (above). These sites take pieces of accurate information and then packaging that information with other false or misleading “facts” (sometimes for the purposes of satire or comedy).
  • Watch out for websites that end in “.com.co” as they are often fake versions of real news sources  
  • Watch out if known/reputable news sites are not also reporting on the story. Sometimes lack of coverage is the result of corporate media bias and other factors, but there should typically be more than one source reporting on a topic or event.
  • Odd domain names generally equal odd and rarely truthful news.
  • Lack of author attribution may, but not always, signify that the news story is suspect and requires verification.
  • Some news organizations are also letting bloggers post under the banner of particular news brands; however, many of these posts do not go through the same editing process (ex: BuzzFeed Community Posts, Kinja blogs, Forbes blogs).
  • Check the “About Us” tab on websites or look up the website on Snopes or Wikipedia for more information about the source.
  • Bad web design and use of ALL CAPS can also be a sign that the source you’re looking at should be verified and/or read in conjunction with other sources.
  • If the story makes you REALLY ANGRY it’s probably a good idea to keep reading about the topic via other sources to make sure the story you read wasn’t purposefully trying to make you angry (with potentially misleading or false information) in order to generate shares and ad revenue.
  • If the website you’re reading encourages you to DOX individuals, it’s unlikely to be a legitimate source of news.
  • It’s always best to read multiple sources of information to get a variety of viewpoints and media frames.

Post-truth tactics only work when we don’t. If we’re paying attention, verifying our sources as we were taught in high school, then the power of post-truth nonsense is tremendously diminished. We can eliminate this threat simply by removing the profit incentive for those who create such trash. If the concept of having a bigoted, fear-mongering, xenophobic, homophobic, backward-driving administration bothers you, then you have to take responsibility for shutting down the post-truth information that makes its way in front of your eyes.

This is your country you’re saving. Can you handle the post-truth? I hope you can.

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pop culture  /  Social Commentary
Better Yourself, Better The World
November 15, 2016
charles i. letbetter - better yourself, better the world

You say you want a better world. The solution is to work toward a better you.

 

charles i. letbetter - better yourself

There are a lot of people, probably a couple of billion at this point, who are unhappy with the condition of the world. Everyone has their own idea as to what it might take to make the world, or at least their corner of it, great again. However, regardless of one’s political leanings, the reality is that the world is made up of some seven billion individuals. If we want our world to be better, our first move is to make ourselves better.

The Internet is chock-full of lists for how you can make yourself better. The problem is that, much the “news” on sees on Facebook, not all the information in those lists can be trusted. For example, the list linked at the beginning of this paragraph recommends taking a cold shower every morning because, allegedly, Tony Robbins jumps into a pool of 57-degree water every morning. DO NOT TAKE THAT ADVICE! There’s a damn good reason we take warm showers. In water below 77°F, one’s breathing begins to be affected. If one is in water between 70°-60°, most people should be in some kind of protective thermal suit to avoid loss of breathing control. Water temperatures between 60°-50° are considered extremely dangerous and possibly even life threatening for the majority of people. Total loss of breathing control. Maximum intensity cold shock. Unable to control gasping and hyperventilation. So, maybe the advice on that list isn’t all the good.

There are safe things you can do, however, that will help improve your life. You won’t see a big change all at once, but give it six months and then look back. You’ll be amazed. Let’s get started.

 

Develop A Routine

charles i. letbetter - better yourself, better the world

There are times when spontaneity is good for you, but it’s not the ideal way for living your life. Our minds process information and our bodies operate more efficiently when they have some sense of what’s coming next. Little things like getting up at the same time every morning, getting dressed in the same order, and taking breaks at the same general time all help us to put a maximum amount of effort into our day without becoming fatigued as quickly.

Follow your body’s natural biorhythms and do your best work when your mind is most alert and schedule less intense activities when you’re not likely to have a lot of access energy making you fidgety. The biggest challenge to a schedule, of course, is following it. You don’t have to be rigid and precise in all your activities, but having a regular routine can make a lot of difference.

 

Prepare for your day  the night before

charles i. letbetter - better yourself, better the world

My alarm goes off at 4:00 AM every morning. Everyone else in the house is still asleep. Lights are off. Vision is limited. I have to try to get dressed and get the dog out of the house for his walk without waking everyone else. How do we do that? By preparing the night before. I lay out my clothes, make note of where I’ve put my shoes, socks, coat, and glasses, and make sure my path is clear before going to bed. As a result, even if I still have a little bit of a hangover I can still get up and take the dog on his walk without any confusion.

The same goes for children. Having their clothes ready and their school materials by the door before they get up helps make their mornings so much easier. They’re less cranky, which I’m sure their teachers appreciate. Yes, this takes some planning and means one can’t just fall asleep anywhere. However, just five minutes of preparation before going to bed can reduce the stress of the morning significantly. Couldn’t we all do with a little stress right about now?

 

Plug Into The World

charles i. letbetter - better yourself, better the world

I am convinced that one of the biggest mistakes we can make is ignoring what is going on in the world. While we like to focus on ourselves, we must realize that we are all part of a much larger organism. Not only do our actions affect the world, the world also affects our actions. We need to pay attention to know that needs are direct involvement and for what we might passively await. Not doing can leave us disconnected and uninformed at some of the most important and critical moments of our lives.

For example, I was on the highway driving into downtown Atlanta when the tragedies of 9/11 occurred. Fear overwhelmed me when the second plane hit the World Trade Center. To keep my stomach from convulsing, I turned off the radio. At the moment, that seemed like the most intelligent thing to do. What I missed, though, was the information regarding possible targets in Atlanta. As a result, I parked in the tower at CNN as I almost always did when downtown. 20 minutes later, the tower was evacuated and no one was allowed to enter until several hours later. I was stuck in the middle of a developing tragedy with no way to get back home.

I know the news isn’t always pleasant and at the moment there is a lot of concern as to which news is true. Personally, I use Reuters and NPR as my primary sources in the morning. They come about as close as anyone to getting it right. Plug into the world so you can proceed with knowledge rather than ignorance.

 

Do Work That Means Something

charles i. letbetter - better yourself, better the world

Note immediately that I’m not necessarily talking about whatever one does for income. There are times in our lives, hopefully brief, where we take on work that is merely tolerable in order to secure the basic necessities of life. Regardless of how one feels about their occupation, though, one can still do work  that matters. We’re not necessarily talking about anything elaborate or glamorous. Caring for your children or elderly parents isn’t likely to win any civic humanitarian awards but is some of the most important work on the planet. Work that matters is rarely glamorous but society’s success depends on that work taking place.

Work of compassion, work that perhaps involves some sacrifice, work that serves others, work that heals, and so many other things are all work that matters. Work that creates beauty, opens doors for others to succeed, and in any way benefits humanity are worth every minute of time we give them. Toss in educating yourself and sharing your knowledge with others while you’re at it. You did not get where you are, you have not survived to this point, without someone else doing work that matters. Now it’s your turn. Make sure the work gets done.

 

Listen to music

charles i. letbetter - better yourself, better the world

To me, it just makes sense that music be a part of our lives. I can’t imagine a day going by without it. However, over the past 30+ years I’ve come across a surprising number of people who, for a variety of reasons, either didn’t or weren’t able to listen to music at any point during their day. None of those were happy people. They had a dim outlook on the world and their attitudes reflected that outlook.

Music’s benefit our lives is extremely well documented and there are so many sources now that it seems almost absurd, at least for those in the US, that anyone would have to go a single moment without music if they don’t want to. I think it can also be important to share music that means something to us. As well all listen to different genres and styles, there are some songs that reach deep into our souls. Sharing that music can be just the thing that helps someone else get through the day. So, in that spirit, here’s the playlist I’m listening to while writing this article:

Be A Pet Person

charles i. letbetter - better yourself, better the world

Everyone needs a pet. It doesn’t have to be furry, it doesn’t have to have legs, it simply is any animal that depends upon you for its care. Pets do this tricky thing where they allow us to think we’re providing a service for them when what is actually happening is that they’re providing a service for us. They’re giving us something to love, something toward which we can exercise compassion, a companion with whom we can share our deepest secrets.

Again, multiple studies have proven the psychological benefits of having pets. There are too many times when we don’t feel as though we can trust our fellow humans, but we can trust our pets. We perceive emotion coming from them when we fail to feel emotion from anyone else. Sure, some people have allergies to different types of pets, but I truly believe there is a pet out there, somewhere, for everyone. Give it a try. You might be surprised how attached one can become to a fish.

Don’t Be Afraid To Nap

charles i. letbetter - better yourself, better the world

One of the things you’ll see on a lot of self-help lists is getting seven or eight hours of sleep per night. That’s nice, but for a lot of people that much down time in one setting just isn’t possible. There are clothes to wash, rooms to clean, and other matters that keep us up longer than we might wish. While consecutive hours of sleep is certainly ideal, when that is not possible there is absolutely no shame in taking a nap. Personally,  I hold two different spots in my schedule as options for napping. While I typically don’t need both of them, maintaining that option gives me the flexibility to attend to that need at the point it seems likely to do the most good.

What seems to be the biggest issue here is that we associate napping with being lazy. Nothing could be further from the truth. Taking a short nap refreshes the mind and reinvigorates creativity to keep us going through the rest of the day. Naps can also play an important health role for anyone who might have heart or lung disease as the downtime allows our body a chance to recuperate from the exhaustion of activity. Don’t be afraid to give it a try. Just remember to set an alarm.

 

Love Someone

charels i. letbetter - better yourself, better the world

Note here that we’re not necessarily talking about romantic love, though I’m certainly not opposed to that. Romantic love can be difficult for some people to find, though, and even where it exists it can be fleeting and leave one empty. What’s more important is that we learn to love people in the non-romantic sense, caring about who they are as individuals simply because they are people. Showing compassion toward someone, giving of ourselves without expecting anything in return, exercising selflessness rather than selfishness are all ways of showing love to the people we have in our lives.

One example might be the conversations I have with the widowers in our neighborhood. I’m not sure why it is, but there is an unusually large number of widowers who live right around us. A couple of extended family, but three of them do not. They have no one. They’re all older, they all have dogs, and they all walk through the neighborhood on a daily basis, pretty much on the same schedule every day. Stepping outside to say hi, strike up a moments’ conversation, checking to make sure they’re doing okay, makes a visible difference in their lives. They frequently arrive with their head down but always leave with their head up, almost always smiling, and with a bit of spring in their step.

Loving people isn’t difficult when one removes the sexual relationship away from the equation. All we have to do is accept them as the humans they are and show compassion.  A few seconds of our time can make someone else’s entire day go better.

And there is where we begin to see the return. As we make our lives better, as we learn to love more people, to give of ourselves, we make a difference in the world. The one for whom we show compassion and kindness is more likely to share that compassion with someone else, creating a chain of humanity that compounds with every iteration. As we improve ourselves, we provide the seed for grown and progress around the globe.

No, we don’t always see the results right before our eyes. We rarely know the extent of the influence our actions have. However, to the extent we do good, both for ourselves and for others, we do good for the entire planet.

Very few people are satisfied with the world in its current state. Rather than complaining, however, perhaps we would do better to put our efforts more toward improving our own lives first.

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Art  /  Photography  /  pop culture
The Year Of The Two-Headed Shark
November 7, 2016
charles i. letbetter - 2-headed shark

Could there possibly be a more apt metaphor for this election than a two-headed shark?

We’re going to get bitten no matter which way we turn.

Yes, two-headed sharks are real. You can read about the problem here. Meanwhile, we’re staying away from the beach.

 

charles i. letbetter - 2-headed shark

charles i. letbetter - 2-headed shark

charles i. letbetter - 2-headed shark

charles i. letbetter - 2-headed shark

 

charles i. letbetter - 2-headed shark

charles i. letbetter - 2-headed shark

charles i. letbetter - 2-headed shark

charles i. letbetter - 2-headed shark

charles i. letbetter - 2-headed shark

charles i. letbetter - 2-headed shark

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Editorial  /  pop culture
Really Stupid Reasons To File A Lawsuit
October 25, 2016
charles i. letbetter - stupid lawsuits

If a man belittles a woman, it could become a lawsuit. If women belittle men, it’s a Hallmark card. —Warren Farrell

 

charles i. letbetter - silly reason for a lawsuit

Everyone wants to sue someone else and rarely is there a good reason

Everywhere I look this morning, someone is threatening to file a lawsuit against someone else. Of course, the big one in the news recently has been the threats on the part of the Republican nominee for President who claims he’s going to file a lawsuit against all the women who claim he sexually assaulted them. Most of us look at that threat as empty, yet another attempt on the part of the candidate to bully people because, you know, that’s all he really is: a big bully.

However, in response to that threat, there is news today that at least one of the women claiming to have been assaulted says that if the Republican candidate sues her, she’s going to turn around and file a lawsuit against him. She’s claiming emotional distress from him calling her names and such. Should any of this mess actually see the inside of a courtroom, which is probably won’t, she probably has a better case than the Republican candidate does against her.

Oh, and the candidate’s legal problems don’t end there. It would seem that some of his fellow Republicans don’t want to be associated with their party’s candidate in any way, shape, or form. So, when their party’s candidate created ads that imply there is a connection between the Congressmen and the Presidential nominee, the Congressmen threatened to, you guessed it, file a lawsuit. Understand, this isn’t just one Republican, which could be dismissed as petty. FIVE of them are threatening to sue. They’re claiming defamation of character. Go figure.

Oh, and just to prove we’re not all focused on politics, Suge Knight is threatening to sue Dr. Dre. Suge claims that Dre cut him out of the Apple deal for Beats by Dre. Understand, Knight is already in jail for the alleged murder of Terry Carter and claims Dre hired a hitman to remove his presence from this planet.

As utterly stupid as that whole mess sounds, we found some lawsuits that are worse. Americans can be really dense.

Budweiser Sued For False Advertising

I could almost see this one having some legitimacy if the beer maker was claiming that their beer actually tasted like something other than swill. They’re not, though. Instead, some dude in Michigan, whose brain, we assume, was frozen during the harsh winter they have up there, was upset because no bikini-clad models appeared out of nowhere for him as they did in the commercial.

No, seriously, he actually filed a lawsuit. You can read all about the damn thing here. Apparently, this guy doesn’t understand the difference between reality and fantasy.  I’m betting he still thinks all the girls on OkCupid are real, too.

The Cases Against Amusement Parks

A lot of people apparently think that amusement parks are easy lawsuit targets. My guess is that someone told them all they have to do is file and that the parks will settle out of court. Sounds like an easy payday, right? Uhm, not necessarily so. While the parks do often settle legitimate claims privately when they’re obviously at fault, they don’t just throw money at everyone who sues them.

Back in March, 2009, the Orlando Sentinel ran a story about all the crazy reasons people give when attempting to sue the many amusement parks in that area. The list is somewhere between amusing and unbelievable. For example, a man from Virginia sued Disney World in 2005, saying food poisoning caused him to gag so badly he ruptured his esophagus. Now, I’ve had some really bad food at amusement parks, but gagging hard enough to rupture the esophagus? Dude, just spit it out and move on.

Then, there was the woman from Hawaii who sued Busch Gardens-Tampa Bay in 2006, saying she contracted a rare blood disease when a wayward vulture from a trained bird show clawed her legs. I’m guessing the lady looked so close to death that the vulture was just going for an early snack. Yes, that’s a cruel thing to say. No, I’m not especially sympathetic.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is why it costs an arm and a leg to go to an amusement park. All these ridiculous lawsuits raise the park’s insurance and, naturally, they pass that cost along to those who buy the tickets. YOU are the reason we can’t have nice things. Again. Stupid.

Some People Don’t Learn

We’ve all heard about the high costs of higher education. People are frequently graduating from college with hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of debt and are unable to find a job. I’m sure we can all understand and appreciate the amount of stress that causes. However, one young lady decided, after a grueling three-month job search (cue: What I Did Over Summer Vacation) decided to sue her alma mater, Monroe College, for the $70,000 she spent on a BS in IT.

Now, this wouldn’t be the first time that a college has gotten into trouble for allegedly promising its graduates jobs, especially in WTF fields such as court reporting and “general business.” However, this child has a degree in IT. Given all the IT jobs available across this country, if she’s not able to land one of them one has to assume one of the following problems must have occurred:

  1. She slept through all her classes and didn’t actually manage to learn a damn thing
  2. She has absolutely no interview skills, which is saying something considering the field she’s in
  3. She never actually filled out an application
  4. She mistakenly thought the IT recruiters were going to come to her
  5. She spilled hot coffee in the lap of every recruiter she met

Seriously, if one has any skill in IT at all, they should be able to get a job. Granted, it might mean moving outside the Bronx, which isn’t  exactly the IT capital of anything. Still, the openings in IT are so voluminous that almost anyone who can spell IT can get a job in IT.

Following The Leader

Still, even with a treasure trove of really stupid reasons for filing a lawsuit available on the Internet (seriously, it was one of the easiest searches ever), we have to consider the fact that honest, hardworking, intelligent people would rather stay out of court unless they have a legitimate claim. If the police kill your child while he’s playing innocently in the park, then yes, you have good reason to sue. If a drug company suddenly raises the price of a life-saving drug by 5000% for no good reason, then yes, drop the hammer on those sons of bitches. If the airbag in your car is more dangerous than carrying a loaded gun with the safety off, then by all means, someone needs to be held accountable. There are legitimate reasons good people file lawsuits.

What we’re seeing, though, is that the person who wants to be leader of the free world uses the threat of lawsuits to get what he wants: more money. If he can get away with it, and he has for years, then everyone else on the freakin’ planet is going to try and follow that example. As clogged up as the courts already are, the situation could get so very much worse. There could be lawsuits because one failed to mention how pretty the candidate’s wife is. There could be lawsuits because one dared to call a delinquent child a troublemaker. If the Congressmen’s lawsuit stands, that would open the door for people being sued just because someone called them a friend!

Is this really the kind of leadership we need, people who misuse the courts to bully others around? We both know damn good and well it isn’t. Watch how you vote, though. If someone doesn’t win we might all get sued.

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pop culture  /  PotD
Signs We’re Doing Everything Wrong
October 17, 2016
charles i. letbetter - signs we are doing everything wrong

Any form of over-indulgence creates within the body warning signs of destruction. —Mother Angelica

 

charles i. letbetter - signs we're doing everything wrong

Judging from the warning signs on headlines this morning we must be doing everything wrong.

Erg. Another Monday. Looking through social media this morning I can sense the fear and trepidation. Signs are everywhere. No one is looking forward to today. Some people could lose their jobs. Other people might lose more. While there’s no way to tell exactly what the day might hold, all the signs point toward this being a less than stellar day.

I like to think that what comes across my social media feeds is a pretty broad and reasonably accurate feeling for what is resonating across America. Obviously, I’m getting a lot of political material, but there are a lot of other things, from memes to articles to status updates, that give me a reasonable snapshot for the general mood of certain demographic sets. The signs this morning seem obvious: We’re doing everything wrong, or at least, we’re willing to believe we are.

Personally, I rather doubt that reality is quite as bleak as it is being presented. When shown a picture of a bright, sunshine-filled day, there are a lot of us that immediately start looking for what is in the shadows. We go looking for trouble even where there is none. We expect things to go poorly for us. In doing so, we miss the beauty of the whole picture.

However, we do have a tendency to really mess up a lot. Fortunately, a lot of people have written a lot of articles to help us correct our mistakes. Consider some of the gems I found this morning.

This Is How You Should Be Taking Care Of Your Lingerie

Spoiler alert: You’re washing your bras too damn often. The whole purpose of the article, published by Harpers Bazaar, Australe, is to convince their readers that they need to be a little more delicate with their delicates. Apparently, while women are really good about taking care of silk blouses and dresses, they don’t show the same concern for lingerie made from the same material. Instead, everything just gets dumped into the laundry, washed with harsh chemicals, and then one wonders why they wear out so frequently.

I really have to wonder about the whole bra washing thing, though. I’ve seen enough bras and caught hint of the fragrance that comes from them when one has been perspiring a bit. The smell is far from attractive. Sports bras, especially, which some people seem to think are fine to continue wearing after they’ve had their workout, have the ability to stink just as much as men’s athletic gear. Do you really want to let those things sit around a ripen before their washed?

I get it, the elastic materials do break down and wear out in the wash. However, doesn’t it totally defeat the purpose of looking nice if one doesn’t smell pleasant when someone gets close?

Women With Big Butts Are Smarter And Healthier

Wishful thinking. Check the source when you see articles like this. They tend to come from websites such as globetoday.com and terrificphotostoday.me. Notice that I’m not giving you links to either of those sites. Don’t go there. I know a lot of women would really like to believe that the mass of their buttocks has a correlation to the amount of brain power one has, but let’s get real: you know damn good and well that’s not true.

Don’t take my word for it, Snopes already disproved this one for you. Same goes for the one about drinking wine at night to lose weight. And the one about children inheriting their smarts from their mother. Sorry, it’s all just wishful thinking. We keep looking for shortcuts and they keep just not happening. One would think that by the time we reach adulthood, at least by the time we’re 30 or so, that we would have figured out that there is no easy way to lose weight or get smarter. Both require work. Yet, time after time we continue to fall for articles like this that offer some hope that maybe, just maybe, we can get away with our desire to emulate sloths.

If there’s one thing we learn from Monday after Monday it is the fact that we have to work for everything we get, and even when we work for it we don’t always get it. There are no shortcuts. Sorry.

Four Signs Your Relationship Is Headed To Its Doom

Because, yeah, that’s just the news you want first thing on a Monday morning. Are we really that desperate for bad news about our relationships or  are we just looking for ways to self-sabotage?  If you’re in a relationship and things seem to be going well, then why would you want to go looking for trouble? If your relationship is already not going well, do you really need more signs of the tragedy that awaits?

Articles like this exist for the sake of people who are fundamentally flawed and cannot accept the possibility that someone might actually care for them without having some ulterior motive.  I’m not even sure that self-esteem counseling helps these people. They go through relationship after relationship, throwing away perfectly good people who would actually like to fall in love with them, but are jettisoned before they have the chance.

Here’s the real scoop:the number one sign that your relationship is headed to its doom is that you’re looking for signs your relationship is headed to its doom. Check your relationship paranoia and let someone love you.

10 Sex Positions That Will Get Her Off Every Time

I hate articles like this because they start from the premise that none of us really know what we’re doing in bed. Granted, every year yields a new crop of rookies and there are genuinely some people, specifically the most devout from any given sex-shaming religious group, who don’t have a fucking clue, literally. If the world really took relationships seriously, we’d be learning these things in school right about the time we’re losing our collective virginity. Heaven forbid we actually teach practical relationship skills anywhere, however. So, articles like this one continue to be popular.

Here’s the rub: everyone’s different. Want to know what will get your partner off every time? Talk to them. Find out what they like and what works for their body. You can’t trust what you read in an article because what feels great to one person might be downright painful for someone else. Blindly following the instructions of some how-to article you’ve read online can get you dumped out of bed before you even have time to unwrap that condom I’m sure you were planning on using.

Communication is a critical aspect of every relationship and the bedroom is no exception. Experimenting and trying different things is a lot of fun, but talk to your partner before actually attempting something new. The results will be better for both of you.

You Are Not As Helpless As You Think

The very reason all these articles and memes exist is because we doubt ourselves and our abilities. We don’t think we’re as smart as we are. We don’t think we’re as attractive as we are. What we read online and what we see in various media has us convinced that we are horribly flawed and need all the help we can possibly get. Look down your newsfeed this morning and one can easily come away with the impression that we’re all doing everything wrong.

Guess what: we’re not. Most of us are just fine, thank you very much. Those of us who do struggle are not nearly in as bad a shape as we tend to believe. So, stop doubting yourself. Think positive. Believe in what you can do.

And then duck because this is still Monday and the universe is out to get you.

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Fashion  /  pop culture
Happy No Bra Day!
October 13, 2016
charles i. letbetter - happy no bra day

People think I’m trying to make a fashion statement because I never wear a bra. It’s really that I’m a tomboy at heart. —Cameron Diaz

 

charles i. letbetter - happy no bra day

Happy No Bra Day! We hope women everywhere are enjoying this special day of freedom

The notification that today is No Bra Day came through my newsfeed early this morning, long before anyone else was awake. I couldn’t help laughing. Kat never wears a bra. She doesn’t need to and even when someone thinks she should she won’t. So, this is a non-event around here. Every day is No Bra Day.

Yet, for millions of women who have been convinced that they’re just not fully dressed, or that they are somehow immodest if they’re not wearing a bra, the concept can actually be rather frightening. Women with especially large breasts are more likely to be ridiculed and verbally assaulted in public if they are not wearing a bra. People can be very mean if they think one’s boobs are not sufficiently supported and women are much more likely than men to make mention of the situation, frequently in terms that are derisive and insulting. Worst of all, there are far too many men, one of whom is running for President, who think that the absence of a bra is an invitation to touch or make other inappropriate and unwanted advances on a woman.

Not wearing a bra creates far more issues than it should. After all, the damn thing wasn’t even invented (in the form we know it) until 1914. There were a few precursors, and the argument can be made that women throughout history have been binding their breasts for different reasons. Still, we make far too big a deal about whether women are wearing a bra than the garment deserves.

Reasons For Not Wearing A Bra

I find it rather interesting just how many studies have been done on the effects of wearing, or not wearing, a bra. What wasn’t surprising was that most the studies were conducted by women. Looking through the material, one quickly gets the impression that a lot of women do not like bras in any way, shape, or form. Why, then, are lingerie stores, such as Victoria’s Secret, so popular? Because many women feel that they have to wear bras and that those bras have to be sexy if they want to impress a potential mate. Never mind that the “sexy” bras are practically worthless when it comes to providing support. Women have been brain-washed into thinking that wearing a bra is something they have  to do.

The reality is that women’s bodies do better and are healthier when they don’t wear a bra. Repetitive studies have proven this for a number of years. Young women, especially, are healthier and less likely to have breast cancer if they never wear a bra. Women’s bodies form more collagen and maintain greater elasticity when bras are not worn as teenagers and young adults. And while I’ve always known women who complain about their back hurting if they don’t wear a bra, there is no scientific evidence that wearing a bra helps your back, nor is your back damaged if you leave it off.

Bras are expensive, never fit quite right, don’t allow for the fact that one side is often a different size than the other, and look downright ugly with many fashion styles. The body moves differently, feels different, and looks more natural without a bra. Going without a bra can be very self-affirming and is a strong body-positive statement of self-acceptance. Quite plainly, bras suck.

Don’t Take My Word For It

I’m a guy so I have never known the pressure to wear anything as uncomfortable as women tell me bras are. There is a point here where anything I say might be considered platitudinous (yes, that’s a real word). Fortunately, the good folks over at Refinery 29 have addressed the issue with a really cool video written and produced by women. We’re including it below. I think this pretty much has the final word on the subject. Watch it and, by all means, enjoy going braless today!

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Photography  /  pop culture  /  PotD
Sorry Conde Nast, Spoiled Brats Are Not Photographers
October 13, 2016
charles i. letbetter - sorry conde nast, spoiled brats are not photographers

Mighty cultures never — are almost never conquered. They crumble from within. And frankly, I think that a lot of Americans are acting like spoiled brats because everything isn’t working out perfectly every time. —Frank Miller

 

charles i. letbetter - sorry Vanity Fair, spoiled brats are not photographers

Calling a handful of spoiled brats photographers just because they take a handful of snapshots is insulting to those who really are photographers.

“Bella Hadid, Gigi Hadid, and Kendall Jenner Are All Photographers Now.”

I saw the headline yesterday and immediately seethed with anger. I didn’t need to read any further or see the pictures (though I did after I calmed down). There was no question as to the content or thesis of the W Magazine article.  Put a camera in the hands of a spoiled brat, let her take some shots, publish them in a major fashion magazine and call it an editorial. Boom, three new photographers.

Horseshit. We’ve talked about this before. I started to link to the archived articles, but there were too many. This isn’t a new topic and not repeating myself is going to be difficult. The field of photography has become to crowded and too muddied, though, to let an insult like this pass without comment. Yes, I know I’m preaching to the choir—you wouldn’t be reading this if you weren’t supportive of what we do—but the fact that the topic keeps coming up again and again is evidence of how little respect we get from editors, and major publishing houses like Condé Nast, which owns W Magazine, Vanity Fair, and the Vogue franchise. If they think we can be replaced by know-nothing brats with no experience, they truly have no regard for the experience and professionalism of photography at all.

Why Use Spoiled Brats

I understand why the editors  wanted to use the particular spoiled brats that they did. The three girls, combined, represent over 100 million potential readers. Thanks to social media, reality television, and a massive PR effort fueled by parents’ money, each of the girls are marketing juggernauts. Any place they go, anything they do is immediately in the spotlight with millions of people—mostly teenage girls with wide-eyed dreams— watching and taking notes. What these girls wear become instant sell-outs. When brands and fashion labels hire them, it’s not because the girls are particularly talented but because of the massive social media following they bring with them. That’s it.

That traditional print magazines are struggling is no secret. Even the massive Condé Nast, which has done better than most in converting its holdings to an online market, just had another C-level shakeup this week, which likely means more cuts coming to the rank-and-file. Money is tight. We get it. Anything they can do to increase the number of eyes coming across their pages they’re willing to try. This is why we see no-talent pseudo-celebrities on the cover of Vogue and Marie Claire.

We have no control over the foibles of celebrity fanaticism. To me, it has never made sense. I don’t go nuts over someone simply because they’ve been on television. I have been on television and let me tell you, it wasn’t all that difficult! Anyone who is breathing can pretty much do the television thing without any additional training or instruction beyond knowing how to talk. Yet, when someone becomes immensely popular, slapping them on a magazine is an easy way to increase sales; it’s easy, brainless content.

Snapshots Don’t Make Photographers

There’s actually a video of Bella Hadid’s “photoshoot.” The video focuses on Bella holding a camera and pushing the shutter button. She doesn’t worry about lighting, someone handles that for her. She isn’t seen processing the photos, someone handles that for her. She doesn’t even make any adjustments to the camera, such as focal length or shutter speed. Someone set those important elements before handing her the camera and told her to not touch them.

There’s no question the spoiled brats in question are good at taking snapshots.  The Instagram queens have proven quite well adapted at making sure their face gets in the frame. That doesn’t make any of them photographers, though. Their understanding of cameras comes largely in relation to an app on their top-of-the-line cell phones. Do they understand why one might want to use different size lenses? No. Do they understand how digital cameras actually work? Of course not. Neither do they have any real concept of the delicacy of lighting, white balance, depth of field, focal  length, or any of the dozens of other issues that real photographers have to consider before they ever snap the shutter.

Our industry has always been plagued by those who get lucky with a few good snapshots and suddenly think they should be photographers. Typically, however, they are put off by the high cost of entry or discouraged by the steep learning curve. None of those barriers exist, though, when one is rich and has plenty of people more than willing to compensate for their lack of knowledge or experience. So, spoiled brats get called photographers. Stand by, a lot of teenage girls are now interested in photography. Be glad cameras cost thousands of dollars.

The Problem Isn’t Going Away

All the complaining in the world isn’t going to make the problem of spoiled brats trying to be photographers go away. This is the new reality. Magazine editors are much less concerned about the quality of photography and immensely interested in how many eyeballs one’s name might bring to the publication. If you don’t have an Instagram following in the hundreds of thousands, you don’t stand a chance of any editor paying any attention, no matter how wonderful your work might be. We now live in a society where there  is a tremendous disconnect between the artistry  and talent of being a photographer and the value our perceived to possess. If a photographer is going to succeed, they not only have to take incredible pictures, they have to be champions of social media marketing, something very few of us even begin to understand.

The Hadid and Jenner generation will eventually fade, but they will be replaced by some other group of spoiled brats attempting to claim titles they’ve not earned. It is up to photographers, the real ones, to set a bar high enough that vanity cannot so easily claim a place on the platform. The challenge is ours. We must find an appropriate response.

 

 

 

 

 

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pop culture  /  Social Commentary
Dads Change Diapers, Too
October 11, 2016
charles i. letbetter - dads change diapers, too

Dads do a lot of things with their kids, but in some places, the biggest challenge of all is changing a diaper.

 

charles i. letbetter - Dads chance diapers, too

When Dads step up to help with the kids they often discover the world isn’t ready to accommodate them.

When my oldest son was born, our circumstances were such where it was possible, and made sense, for him to hang with me most the day. He went everywhere I did. He had his own space at the office. He was expected in the conference room. Everyone from interns to grandmas fawned over him at the radio station. Okay, he almost caused a bomb scare at City Hall, but every place else we went he was welcome and we had a lot of fun.

One of our favorite things to do, especially in the winter, was walking laps around the mall. He loved being in his stroller and usually would fall asleep for a nice, long nap after about an hour and a half. I had time for coffee and a sandwich and chatting with other dads before he would wake up and demand to be fed. Rarely did we ever have a problem of any kind. The mall was a cool place to be.

Unless his tummy was upset. Again, it didn’t happen often, but when it did, changing the child’s diaper required wearing a hazmat suit and a biohazard disposal team. Finding a place to change him, though, was impossible. All the baby changing stations in the mall were placed in women’s restrooms. Changing him out in the middle of everything was both cruel (to everyone) and unsanitary. Yet, we had little choice. The problem was significant.

Hello, Babies Act

Apparently, someone in Congress finally experienced this baby changing problem and decided to correct it. This past Friday, President Obama signed the Babies Act, legislation that requires baby changing stations in men’s public restrooms. We can thank  Rep. David Cicilline (D-Rhode Island) for authoring the act, which passed with only 34 “nay” votes (all Republicans, if that matters).

There are some caveats. The bill only applies to public buildings, ie, court houses, government office buildings, etc. So, the folks at Simon Properties still aren’t required to put them in their men’s restrooms (though, to their credit, Simon was one of the first to start voluntarily putting baby stations in men’s rooms about 15 years ago). Some privately owned restaurants are still not likely to have them.

Also, the bill doesn’t apply if the restrooms are not meant to be public and only one accessible facility per floor is required. That last exception inevitably means that your child’s diaper will not blow out until you are on the extreme opposite end of the floor from the restroom. Trust me, babies understand bathroom geography. Still, this is at least a start, right?

Not Everyone Understands

Sadly, when I saw mention of the Babies Act being signed into law, there was immediately below it a comment claiming the law was a prime example of government over-reach. Another decried it as the demasculinization of our gender. There are plenty of people who don’t understand just how severe the problem is.

Yet, wander out with a little one still in diapers and the problem is likely to make itself evident very quickly. While little ones can have some of the most disgusting diapers every known to humanity, the well-contained accidents of a toddler can be just as challenging to change. There is a good reason those changing stations come with straps! Changing a toddler in public is risking having to chase said toddler bare-bottomed through whatever facility one is in.

Should government be involved? Uhm, yeah. It’s called equal access. Changing diapers is a matter of public heath, folks. Those little things have the ability to carry some pretty serious diseases. Do you really want us changing one of those a mere ten feet from where you’re trying to eat? Without appropriate facilities. That’s what happens.

Everyone Benefits

Changing a baby with a bad diaper is a big deal. On one occasion, my little guy had totally blown out his diaper and ruined his clothes. The stroller wasn’t in the best of shape, either. I knew I couldn’t change him out in the middle of the food court. We needed a restroom. One of the other dads suggested I try some of the stores to see if they would let me use an employee restroom or something.

So, off we went, my smelly, poo-covered child and I, from store to store, looking for a restroom. Most of the employees we encountered were young women who didn’t have children of their own and were not management. They looked at the little guy in horror as they sent me on down the row. Finally, after at least a half-dozen stores had refused us, a female manager motioned to us.

“Come on in here,” she said, looking both ways as if we were committing a crime. “We’ll fix you up a place to clean that baby.” The employee restroom wasn’t much, but she cleaned off a counter, put down a couple of pieces of plastic, and then retrieved some clean towels and dampened them with warm water. We got the little guy changed and dressed and she helped me dispose of the damaged goods appropriately.

No parent and baby should have to go through that desperation. No public place should be exposed to the horrors of a child’s diaper. It’s good that we finally have a law that sets a standard so that dads can attend to infant cleanliness.

Thank you, Congressman Cicilline.

 

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pop culture  /  PotD
Our Obsessive Pursuit Of Happiness Makes Us Sad
October 9, 2016
charles i. letbetter - our happiness obsession makes us sad

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. —Mahatma Gandhi

 

charles i. letbetter - our obsessive pursuit of happiness makes us sad

Our relentless pursuit of happiness is very likely the one thing that is making us unhappy

Our little ones regularly tell me that I’m mean. Typically, that accusation comes when I tell them to go to bed, or don’t let them play with knives, or deny them the fourth cookie. In their view, I am impeding their path to happiness. For all their short little lives, other people have been focused on making them happy: grandparents, teachers, babysitters, etc. They are told in a thousand different ways that their happiness is what matters. Then, Kat and I come along and ruin by insisting that they take a bath, or not play in the litter box, or tell them to stop climbing the walls in the hallway (not kidding). We are so very mean.

I’m rather sure that when Thomas Jefferson included that line about the “pursuit of happiness,” he didn’t realize the level of horror he was unleashing on us a little more than two centuries later. We have come to take his words as a mandate: we must pursuit happiness. We think that we are not being fulfilled as individuals if we are not pursuing happiness. Oh, and by the way, it is our own individual happiness that matters. If your pursuit of happiness interferes with my pursuit of happiness then what you are doing is wrong. This is where our current social thought process has taken us.

Could it be that we have become so incredibly focused on being happy that we’ve lost sight of all the other things in life that matter? Does happiness need to be our highest priority or might there be more to life?

America, The Happy

Such obsessiveness over whether we are happy is apparently a uniquely American thing that doesn’t occur in other societies. Ruth Whippman, an English writer, journalist, and documentarian currently living in California, wrote a rather interesting book, AMERICA THE ANXIOUS: How Our Pursuit of Happiness is Creating a Nation of Nervous Wrecks. You can get a taste of her book in this article on Vox. Part of the motivation for writing her book was the experience of coming from a society where happiness isn’t given a second thought and being tossed into the heart of a culture that is wholly obsessed with how happy they are. What she notices is that, as hard as we try, we’re really not any happier. In the Vox article she says:

To an outsider, it can sometimes feel as though the entire population has a nationwide standardized happiness exam to take and everyone is frantically cramming the night before to get a good grade. Like a stony-faced “that’s hilarious” after a joke in place of laughter — another mildly unnerving staple of conversation in this country — it appears that somewhere along the line, the joy has been sucked out of American happiness.

Americans are obsessed with being happy, I am convinced, because we somehow see it as part of our national birthright. We look at our lives and if we don’t think we’re happy then, somehow, our country is letting us down. Certainly, the Republican candidate for President whose slogan is “Make America Great Again,” enjoys such ridiculous appeal despite all that is inappropriate about him because what he’s actually saying is, “Make American Happy Again.” People respond to that desire to be happy, even if it denies happiness to others.

Our Entitlement Philosophy

Because we, as Americans feel entitled to being happy, we give that feeling a priority and refuse to accept any other emotion for very long. Sadness is not acceptable. Depression requires medication, as does anxiety. If we are angry then we “have issues.” One who is overly enthusiastic is “out of touch,” but one who is embarrassed or feeling guilty needs to “get in touch with their inner self.” We look at happiness as our diety-delivered right and refuse to accept anything else.

One of the most ridiculous yet widely followed and often quoted statements in history comes from Ayn Rand:

Achievement of your happiness is the only moral purpose of your life, and that happiness, not pain or mindless self-indulgence, is the proof of your moral integrity, since it is the proof and the result of your loyalty to the achievement of your values.

Can you see how that self-centered piece of horseshit is guiding the entitlement philosophy of an entire political party? Rand, and those who blindly follow her, put one’s personal happiness as a moral imperative above things such as being kind, helping others, compassion, caring, and empathy. When we become so singularly focused 0n achieving a state of happiness, when our purpose in life is to please ourselves first, we end up with policies that are anti-women because that infringes on the happiness of the men making the laws. If our integrity hinges on an imaginary emotional state of bliss, then we develop hate toward others whose conditions of poverty make us look bad.  When we depend on the unachievable as proof of our values, we then question and criticize the values of others.

Creating A Happy Culture

I’m sitting here looking at Little Man’s report card for the first term. He’s in second grade. Back in the cultural stone age of when I went to school, second grade was the last year we received the grossly over-generalized grades of S for satisfactory and U for unsatisfactory. Either we understood the material or we didn’t. No gray area. By contrast, the grading scale for Little Man’s class is as follows:

  • 4 = Exceeding Standards
  • 3 = Meeting Standards
  • 2 = Working Towards Standards
  • 1 = Not Meeting Standards

There are a tremendous number of 4s on this report, which pleases Kat. However, as Little Man was going over the report card with me this past week, he wasn’t happy. “Threes aren’t good enough,” he told me. “Threes mean I’m just the same as everyone else. 4s mean I’m better than most the people in my class.”

“So, three isn’t good enough?” I asked.

“I wish there was a 5 to show that I’m the best,” he answered. “That would really make me happy.”

Good god, we’re raising an over-achiever. Yet, this is how Little Man defines whether or not he is happy. S for satisfactory would never be enough for him. Exceeding standards isn’t enough for him. This social culture has convinced him that he needs to be on top, leaving everyone else behind, in order to be happy. The kid is likely in for a world of disappointment. Yet, if he demonstrated any lesser amount of determination then he would be labeled as an underachiever and probably considered uncooperative.

The Curse of Mindful Empowerment

In the world of creating happiness, there are two buzz words that come up a lot. One is empowerment, the other is mindfulness. On their own, both words can have some really positive meaning. Yet, as we’ve taken them to become significant parts of our push to find what makes us happy, we might have taken both words a little too far. I like what Ms. Whippman says about empowerment:

As a rule, “empowerment” appears to be the consolation prize for those of us who will never have any actual power, and you can safely assume that no one in any position of genuine authority will be joining in. Creating a Tumblr of photos of your post–C-section wobbling and scarred naked stomach? Empowering! Creating a Tumblr of photos of your post-prostate surgery rectum? Not so much, senator.

Mindfulness requires being completely focused on whatever one is doing right at this moment. For example, if I was fully mindful, I would be totally consumed with writing the article and probably miss the fact that I have water boiling on the stove. Yet, the Mindfulness movement is so large that it has even made the cover of TIME (January, 2014). Should one make a trip to mindfulness.org, the home base of all things mindful, one sees articles such as The 7 Qualities of Mindfulness Trained in the Body Scan and Take a Mindful Hike. Here, happiness comes through hyper-attentiveness on a specific object or thought, not letting the mind wander, and thereby avoiding all things negative. That sentence is an over-simplification, of course, but again it is pushing one to focus on themselves to the exclusion of other things and other people around them.

I’m not anti-self-help, mind you. Rather, I think that when we improve ourselves it should be so that we are better able to help others and our community. Society only works when we are involved outside ourselves.

Going About This The Wrong Way

Happiness is elusive. To the extent that we spend all our time, all our motivation, in the pursuit of a condition we often cannot even define, we end up making our lives miserable. Gallup does an annual Positive Emotions Survey that essentially matters how happy people are. They poll adults in 140 countries and ask the following questions:

• Did you feel well-rested yesterday?
• Were you treated with respect all day yesterday?
• Did you smile or laugh a lot yesterday?
• Did you learn or do something interesting yesterday?

With all the effort Americans put into being happy, one might be tempted to think that we’re at the top of the list. We’re not. The US isn’t even in the top ten. Want to know who is the happiest? People in these countries, scale based on 100 being the happiest:

Paraguay 84
Guatemala 83
Honduras 83
Uzbekistan 83
Ecuador 83
El Salvador 82
Indonesia 82
Costa Rica 81
Uruguay 81
Colombia 81
Switzerland 81

One doesn’t need to look long to realize that none of the countries listed are likely to be engaged in things like empowerment and mindfulness. They’re not doing yoga and attending seminars on How To Be A Better You. Yet, they are consistent, year after year, happier than we are. We’re still in the top 25, mind you, but that people in lesser industrialized countries with fewer opportunities, higher unemployment, and lower wages would still be happier than we are should give us a hint that we’re probably going about this the wrong way.

Perhaps Happy Isn’t What We Need

One of the lessons I learned from going to church every waking moment of my youth is that no one promises us happiness. In fact, we’re pretty much assured that happiness isn’t going to happen all that often. If Poppa were sitting here with me this morning, and perhaps he is, he would likely use this scripture to make his point:

Philippians 4:11-13New International Version (NIV)

11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength. [Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.]

Look back up at the questions asked for the Positive Emotions Index. Did you sleep well? The question isn’t whether you slept as long as you want. Neither does it involve the type of bedding on which one sleeps. Simply sleeping well is sufficient and being content with that is more likely to leave us feeling satisfied. Were you treated with respect all day yesterday? That’s going to change from day to day and perhaps even moment to moment.  Yet, to the degree we can find contentedness, not happiness, in our situation, regardless of how others treat us, we are more likely to feel better about ourselves.

Now, look what happens when we focus questions outward. Did you help someone else smile or laugh today?  Chances are, if you helped someone smile, you were probably smiling also. It is easier to feel good when we are helping others feel good. Did you teach someone something new and interesting today? Does not improving someone else’s life not improve your own at the same time? When we are content, we might just increase our happiness because contentedness allows us to focus outward rather than inward.

We Are Not Cocoons

One would think that the pursuit of happiness is a virtue, a positive character trait to be admired. Unfortunately, Americans, in their obsession to find happiness at any cost, have made that pursuit negative. Too often, our happiness comes at the expense of others. We focus so fully on what we think might make us feel better that we lose sight of what we could do to make the world feel better.

If we were some type of larvae that lives in a cocoon with no interaction with or obligation to the outside world, then sure, focusing on our own happiness might be totally appropriate. We do not live in cocoons, though. We are part of a vibrant, loud, emotional, and needy society. When we focus on our own happiness to the exclusion of those around us, we ultimately do harm to the whole.

Instead, perhaps we should work more to find contentedness and focus our intentions and actions on helping others. Something tells me that when we stop pursuing happiness so hard it might just show up on its own.

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Fashion  /  pop culture  /  PotD
What If Street Style Were A Competitive Sport
October 7, 2016

I’m very driven by what I do. I am certainly very competitive. I like people who represent the best at what they do, and if that turns you into a perfectionist, then maybe I am. —Anna Wintour

 

charles i. letbetter - what if street style were a competitive sport

For some people, dressing stylishly is a requirement but what if how we dress were a competitive sport?

Imagine getting up every morning knowing that what you choose to wear could affect your income for the day. What would you choose? Stylish dress with heels that can’t be ignored? Colorful separates with the new ballet flats that are all the rage? Perhaps a dress suit for that meeting this afternoon.

Among the list of characteristics that one might give Americans, casual and competitive are two that would seem to be at odds with each other. How can one be competitive and any portion of them still be relaxed? The answer, of course, is that we’re not competitive and casual about the same things. We’re competitive about our sports, obviously, and a lot of people are competitive about work. Some are competitive about how much stuff they have and what kind of stuff it is. At the same time, we’re very casual about things such as how we dress, what we wear when we go to the store, and how people perceive us when we’re “off duty.”

Many of our workplaces have dress codes, some of which are driven by safety requirements or a need for uniformity and visual recognition. However, what if you were graded based on how stylish you are? Perhaps even more frightening, what would life be like if your compensation and eligibility for advancement were connected to how on trend you are in your choice of clothing? How would that change your life?

Dressing To Be Seen

There is an interesting article in this past Wednesday’s New York Times that is titled The Situation With Street Style.  Coming at the end of a month’s worth of fashion shows, the article focuses on an aspect of fashion that has not only changed dramatically but become rather competitive.  Before the advent of social media and hordes of street style photographers lingering outside every runway venue, most editors and buyers dressed for anonymity. Part of doing their job was to report on the fashion, not be the fashion. So, they dressed in monochrome outfits that were stylishly boring and reasonably comfortable. Those 14- to 16-hour days can be grueling, so best to dress for the long haul.

However, now there are a number of editors and buyers whose Instagram accounts are followed by hundreds of thousands of people. Being anonymous is no longer an option. Everyone who enters a fashion show, especially those in Europe, is photographed multiple times. Pictures are uploaded to Instagram and other social media almost immediately and those who are recognizable are tagged. For those who once enjoyed anonymity, how they dress has become a liability.

Street style among those who attend Europe’s fashion shows is now competitive. Anna Dello Russo, an editor at large for Vogue Japan, changes her clothes as many as six times a day during fashion weeks so that she’s not continually photographed wearing the same thing as she moves from show to show. For many, dressing stylishly enough to capture the attention of street style photographers isn’t a bonus, but a requirement for the job. They must dress to attract attention which, in turn, drives sales for advertisers.

Taking Competition To The Next Level

Would being competitive about how we dress really be all that bad? In some ways, we are already there. The whole reason many schools have switched to requiring uniforms is because, allegedly, individual style had become so competitive that it was giving rise to theft and bullying. Teenagers can take anything and make it hyper-competitive and sometimes that isn’t a good thing. We also see the same competitiveness in urban cultures where the amount and kind of “bling” one wears is a status symbol. The concept of competitive styling really isn’t that foreign to us.

We tend to push off a lot of the competitiveness as we get older. We’re told to work more as a team and to do that we have to set aside at least a certain portion of our competitive drive. We start dressing similarly to those around us, careful to not dress higher than our status. For example, if one’s immediate supervisor dresses in khaki and cotton button-down shirts, wearing a suit and tie might be seen as an aggressively competitive move. Americans are much more comfortable taking a casual approach to clothing in large part because it feels more friendly.

Competitive dressing could potentially be a good thing, though. Taking our appearance more seriously encourages us to take other things more seriously, especially the work we do. When we put more effort into how we dress, our attitude changes. We tend to act more determined, more focused, and more driven. Women who dress stylishly not only command more attention but also give more attention to their peers. Men who are more attentive to how they dress are generally seen as being more reliable and trustworthy. Being competitive in our everyday style could be a good thing for all of us.

How We Score

Of course, if we’re creating a competition, then we need a scoring system that reflects current trends but doesn’t punish those who can’t afford designer labels. Being able to pull together different pieces to create a unique and attractive look needs to have greater value than merely copying what was on the runway. Taking something simple and turning it into something fabulous would earn bonus points. Companies could have a special employee Instagram account with rewards given for those whose style generates the most likes.

Extreme fashion makes assessing penalties difficult, though. It’s not like one could be dinged for wearing pajamas to work when we’ve seen multiple instances of pajamas on the runway mixed with things like suit jackets and button-down shirts.  Then, there’s the question of how to address the inherent sensuality of some designs. Sheer was huge on the runway this season as was wearing bras outside one’s clothing. Addressing what is appropriate without being unnecessarily inhibitive could be challenging.

Ultimately, though, I think putting more emphasis on how we dress, on styling ourselves to attract attention rather than avoid it, might be just the attitude adjustment we’ve been needing. We need to think more of ourselves rather than trying to hide. Our society and culture shouldn’t be dominated by a handful who happen to dress better than everyone else. Going to the effort of looking good, and let’s face it, looking good takes some serious effort, should be rewarded, not discouraged. Perhaps being compensated for making an effort might encourage more people to make an effort. I see that as being a positive thing.

Competitive street styling, your time has come.

 

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Current Issues  /  pop culture  /  PotD
Excessive Media Erodes Our Trust
September 27, 2016
charles i. letbetter - excessive media erodes our trust

There’s a danger in the internet and social media. The notion that information is enough, that more and more information is enough, that you don’t have to think, you just have to get more information – gets very dangerous. —Edward de Bono

 

charles i. letbetter - excessive media erodes our trust

If you don’t trust media it might be because you’re using too much of it.

CAUTION: YOU ARE CONSUMING MEDIA. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

We changed brands of dog food this morning. We felt the dog wasn’t getting enough from his previous brand, so we did a little bit of research and switched. This morning, I didn’t feel we’d done enough research. The dog normally comes in from our morning walk, eats a little, then falls fast asleep because 4:00 AM is early even for a dog. Except this morning, after inhaling the new food, he didn’t go to sleep. He’s been bouncing around all over the place, terrifying the cats, and getting himself into trouble. So, I hit the brand’s website to double-check the ingredients. I needed specific information and found it on the brand’s website. That makes the dog food company a media provider.

A number of my friends in journalism were sharing this article from the Washington Post decrying how that there really is no such thing as “the media” and, if there is, WaPo certainly isn’t part of it. The argument author Paul Farhi attempts to make is that the term “the media” is too broad to be defining. If one defines “the media” according to the constraints given by The Oxford Dictionary, then practically everything around you is, technically “the media.” Here’s the definition:

(the media)
the main means of mass communication (broadcasting, publishing, and the Internet), regarded collectively
See the problem? If “the media” is the vehicle for all communication, all communication is “the media.”

Not Your Grandfather’s Newspaper

When I first woke up this morning, I knew that the headlines would be dominated by spin on last night’s presidential debate. Among the myriad of headlines was this one: The Media Calls Debate For Clinton. I’d link you to the article, but it has since been removed (apparently an editor woke up). My point is that the article was a case of one information source blamed another information source for communicating information. Seems rather silly, doesn’t it?

When one puts something on the Internet, whether it’s a Facebook status or a tweet or your grandmother’s cookie recipe, there is one underlying purpose: to communicate. When one puts something on the Internet, one is engaging in the digital form of publishing. That makes you part of “the media” and a consumer of media at the same time. Therefore, taking this circular logic all the way around, when one criticizes “the media” online, they are ultimately criticizing themselves.

Yeah, stop and let that sink in for a moment. Hurts the brain a little, doesn’t it?

Believe it or not, all these media sources are less than 100 years old. Only newspapers and printed leaflets existed in 1916. Even the first talking movie, The Jazz Singer, was over a decade away. With so few choices for information, trust in those sources ran high. Chances are, in most areas, your grandparents or great-grandparents knew who published the local newspaper. They probably went to the same church, were members of the same civic groups. Few people would have thought of publishing their own paper or printing their own leaflets. Information needed to be important if it was going to be distributed.

Contrast that to current standards where “if you think it then you must tweet it,” or something like that.

What We Say

Gallup released a poll earlier this month with the headline: American’s Trust In Mass Media Sinks To New Low. Here’s the actual question and how the long-term graph looks:

Notice that Gallup attempts some nebulous framing of the question by adding the qualifier “mass” to “media,” so as to restrict opinions to what might once have been regarded as “legitimate” news sources—the ones your grandparents would have trusted. Given the overwhelming number of “news” sites, especially when one includes aggregators such as Huffington Post and Breitbart, Gallup’s question is still too broad to have any real, definitive meaning. If the survey tells us anything, and that point would certainly be arguable, it is that we only trust a limited number of the information sources we access.

Similarly, Hart Research, acting on behalf of NBC News and The Wall Street Journal, asked half the respondents of a 1,000-person survey to “rate your feelings” toward “several public figures, groups, and organizations.” In the total list, “the news media” ranked toward the bottom with only a 19% positive response, between Donald Trump (28% positive response) and Vladimir Putin (6% positive response). However, once again, the lack of a narrow definition calls the results into question. Some people might consider satire sights such as The Onion part of the news media. Others might consider aggregators part of the news media. Neither is there any delineation between sources that provide a majority of reporter-based editorial content and those that are merely an omnibus of collected opinion. 

What We Mean

What is generally considered “news” in this Internet-driven age is a far cry from the traditional expectations of journalism. There are millions of websites that distribute information related to current topics. For many people, that makes those sources “news.” Never mind the fact that they’re opinions we’ve written ourselves, largely to amuse ourselves. By the broad contemporary definition, this website might, at least on some days, considered a news source. That scares me because, despite the sometimes excessive amount of research we put into an article, it is never our intent to provide anything more than an opinion.

Perhaps even more frightening is how frequently people refer to social media, specifically Facebook and Twitter, as part of the news media. Neither site has reporters or editors controlling what you see or don’t see. All the information flowing through those sites is curated by one person: you. You decide what is “news” and what is “information” and what is “entertainment.”  What’s telling is that a very large number of people make absolutely no distinction between those categories. They simply toss everything under the general heading of “the media.”

And they don’t trust it. Which, again, using that circular logic, means we don’t trust ourselves. We probably shouldn’t. We don’t know what we’re doing. We’ve proven that we’re not terribly judicious in the media we consume. If we were, debunking sites like Snopes wouldn’t get nearly as much traffic. On any given day, we publish more false information through our own social media accounts than all the newspapers and news networks combined. We distrust “the media” because we know, secretly, that we are complicit in spreading rumor more than fact.

A Difficult Diet

Like a person whose health deteriorates from eating only fast food, the solution to our media loathing starts with a very harsh reality: we need to cut back. Continuing the fast food metaphor, we need to pay more attention to the source of what we’re consuming. Sure, there are days when ordering pizza makes sense for our schedule, but that doesn’t happen every day. Most days we’re more conscientious about what we consume. The same is true of media. Some days I need the smile I get from a video on Funny Or Die. Making that my source for breaking news and information, though, is just silly. I’m going to check my local paper, then local television news, then national news sources if applicable. I’m damn sure not going to rely on Facebook or Twitter.

We have a preponderance of choice. Media surrounds us already and as the Internet of Things grows the amount of media being thrown at us is going to get worse. We need to start making those tough choices now. Back off the Buzzfeeds and TMZs, limiting them to inconsequential topics that we probably shouldn’t care about in the first place. Pay more attention to the source of our information. Hint: anytime you see an article tagged as “sponsored,” know that it was written by someone, or on behalf of someone, who has a vested financial interest in the topic. Therefore, it’s not news. Recognise opinion for what it is: someone else’s viewpoint, not news.

If we don’t trust media it’s because both the media we create and our choice of media to consume are not trustworthy. The problem is us. We’ve gotten fat on easily available, always accessible media. Saying we distrust “the media” is like saying we don’t like mac & cheese while a fresh bowl sits in front of us. We need to put ourselves on a media diet and see just how much our opinions change.

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Fashion  /  Personal  /  pop culture  /  PotD
Is There Life Outside Fashion Weeks
September 17, 2016

Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced. —Soren Kierkegaard

 

charles i. letbetter - is there life outside fashion weeks

The crowded schedules of fashion weeks are totally consuming, but we try to not miss the important stuff.

Life gets incredibly busy, doesn’t it? There is always an abundance of activities available and one has to pick and choose carefully which gets our attention. Well, at least we try to pick and choose. At this particular moment, there is a kitten on my desk. His name is Fred Fredburger. Two weeks ago we weren’t sure this little guy was going to make it. Now, not only is he healthy, he has decided to join “guy time” with me, the dog, and the older male cat we call Fat Guy. Fat Guy and the dog are sound asleep, as  is their usual activity for 5:00 in the morning. Fred, on the other hand, is on my desk, peeking over the top of the computer, and batting pens onto the floor. He’s rather insistent that I give him my attention.

I am wholly consumed by fashion weeks this time of year. Even as I’m writing now, I’m waiting for the Jasper Conran runway presentation to start in London. I’ve already walked the dog (in the rain), cleaned the kitchen counter, and am well into my second pot of coffee. The fashion schedule from this point forward is packed and keeping up with the elements of life transpiring outside the fashion world is challenging.

So,we took a few moments this morning to look through some headlines and, with Fred’s help, we’re going to take a moment to consider things that probably should be full articles in themselves, and would be if time was more in our favor. Any strange words you see are Fred’s.

Happy Birthday, Zach

Talk abut full schedules. 25 years ago today we welcomed our first baby boy into the world. He didn’t make it easy on his Mother. Me, I sat there and ate cheeseburgers until he finally got around to showing up. He changed our world, turned it upside down in the most wonderful ways, and managed to survive despite the fact we really didn’t know what we were doing.

Zach is at that age now where giving him any advice is rather trepidatious. He is at that core Millennial age and as such life is a very different experience for him than it was for his parents at that age. I was engaged and married his mother when I was 25. He’s taking a more non-traditional path in no small part because the choices that were easily available to me are simply not there for him and I can’t change that. College doesn’t look so good when his peers are graduating thousands of dollars in debt and still not able to find decent jobs. I don’t blame him for taking a different path.

In a lot of ways, Zach has a better head on his shoulders than I did at his age. Sure, he makes mistakes, those are inevitable; but any errors he’s made are understandable and reasonable for who and where he is. He’s carving out a path for himself in a world that isn’t all that welcoming. He’s doing well for 25 and I hope he has a wonderful day.

A Bit Of Good News

Cancer rates in children have declined by one-fifth since 1999. This is a good statistic. Sure, we’d rather there not be any childhood cancers at all, but the fact that the overall numbers are going down mean we’re doing a better job of preventing this horrible disease from affecting our children. The numbers are down across the board regardless of race or gender, which is even better news. Boys are still at more risk than girls, but the rate of decline was similar for both.

Especially promising is the fact that Leukemia is no longer the leading cause of death among children. Those numbers have decreased substantially. This can be attributed to a number of things such as improvement in infant health care, fewer parents (and grandparents) smoking, and better overall living conditions. If ever there were an argument for spending more federal funds on early childhood healthcare, this would be it.

Of course, when one disease leaves the top spot another takes its place. In this case, brain cancers have taken over as the leading cause of death in children 19-years-old and younger. Causation for this one is a lot more difficult to diagnose. Hereditary conditions play into some forms of brain cancer, but so do things like environment and mother’s nutrition. There is still so much about brain cancer we don’t know that putting a dent in its numbers is extremely difficult. No one wants to think about children dying, but they do. We need to make this a priority.

Light ‘Em Up

I know, it seems rather counterproductive to talk about smoking anything after mentioning that Leukemia rates are down, but this is important. The LA Times editorial board published a piece yesterday supporting the legalization of recreational marijuana use. The question is on California’s ballot in November as proposition 64. This comes six years after an unsuccessful attempt that the Times opposed.

A couple of quotes from the editorial caught my eye:

It is ultimately better for public health, for law and order and for society if marijuana is a legal, regulated and controlled product for adults.

By sending mixed messages, the federal government has effectively ceded its role and left it to states to create a new national marijuana policy that legalizes marijuana with minimal harm and meaningful protections.

There a lot of untested claims about marijuana and THC that deserve legitimate study, not shady articles from questionable magazines. There are a lot of young black and Latino men in prison unjustly who this law would benefit. Four other states in addition to California are voting on similar measures. The time has come to legalize recreational use of marijuana and set a new national policy toward use of the plant. Even if you don’t smoke, this makes sense.

Oh, And Football

This afternoon is the Oklahoma/Ohio State football game. The season is still young and the fact that OU dropped its first game against Houston shouldn’t be taken as any indication that the Sooners won’t be ready when the Buckeyes show up in Norman.  I wish I could say I will be awake for every moment of the game, but I probably won’t. As much as I love college football, I’ve already been up long enough to be needing a nap. By game time, I’ll be looking for a bed.

At least I’m not at the University of New Hampshire where anger against their new scoreboard could make their game this evening against Dartmouth actually worth watching. Okay, maybe not the  game itself, which is likely to be a snoozefest for anyone who’s not an alumni. There’s more spirit in Durham surrounding that damn scoreboard. Why? A very frugal library employee died and left his entire $4 million estate to the university. Now, one might think that the university would spend the majority of that on the library. Nope. They bought a new scoreboard for the football field at a cost of $1 million. The library got $100,000. I can see where the alumni might be pissed.

I enjoy college sports and consider them an important part of university life. They give thousands of young people the chance at an education they would otherwise not receive. At the same time, though, the fact that college football, specifically, has become the strongest revenue source for almost every Division I school is disgraceful. The list of moral wrongs in that situation is wrong and the fact that UNH could justify spending a million dollars on a scoreboard while academic programs suffer says very bad things about us as a society.

But, There’s Still Fashion

So very much fashion. Three shows have walked in the span of time it has taken me to write this article. The parade is never ending and the more I try to ignore it the more fashion makes itself unavoidable. I mean, I just saw a model nearly hog tied by her own skirt as she attempted to walk. How the hell am I supposed to ignore that?

So, let’s just leave it with Happy Birthday, Zach, glad you don’t have brain cancer, and GO SOONERS! We now return you to all the reviews on Pattern.

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