G IS HOME! We gave him quite the welcome: everyone was gone. The doors were locked, and he had to crawl through a window to get in. How did that happen? I wasn’t expecting him home until after 5:00. He skipped his afterschool activities and game straight home, which is understandable, but it still caught me by surprise. We had a good chat, talking about alligators, kayaking, and the new games he learned to play while on the trip. There’s no question in my mind that this was a good experience for him. Now, he gets to start prepping for the PSAT next week.
Who wasn’t home? Kat or Tipper. Tipper went to a friend’s house after school with the understanding that Kat would pick her up after she finished at the salon. The problem with that plan was that Kat had a last-minute guest that pushed her all the way to 10:00 before closing the salon. By the time she picked up Tipper and made it home, it was almost 11:00 and I had already gone to bed. Tipper was still in a reasonably good mood this morning, despite Hamilton farting directly in her face. I’m not expecting as much from Kat, though. Today is her only day off all week. I’m gonna just stay away.
I wasn’t home yesterday afternoon because I was out taking pictures of the dapper Tony Shaw. This was the first time I’ve done any portraits of any kind in over three years. I wasn’t sure of the camera, the lens, or my ability to hold the camera still. This was a test I needed. I’ve looked through the thumbnails and am reasonably pleased with most of what we captured. But does this mean I’m ready to make a comeback?
I’m not sure. We were out a little over three hours, shot three looks, and dropped a little over 130 frames. From an efficiency perspective, I’ve still got it. But by the time I got home, chatted with G, and fixed dinner (which no one ate but me), I was extremely dizzy and seriously in danger of falling. During the last few minutes of cooking dinner, I should have called G for help. I wasn’t safe. I didn’t want to bother G, though, because I knew he was resting. I ate and took a nap, watched a little football, then went to bed.
Tony was a good person to have in front of the camera. He looks good from almost any angle, he doesn’t need a lot of coaching, and he has a great attitude that made my job a lot easier. How different would it have been if I’d had someone less experienced and more challenging? I don’t think I would have done as well. We definitely wouldn’t have gotten in more than two looks. I was able to rely on Tony’s creativity where mine was lacking. That situation is rare and if I’m not able to handle someone with little/no experience, am I really ready to come back? I know I’m not ready to book anyone else just yet.
Sitting here this morning, I’m still struggling. This is all cancer’s fault. If I were to feel this way without the cancer, I’d be checking with my doctor. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. That’s just par for the course, isn’t it? We’ve been battling this for almost two years so the symptoms shouldn’t come as a surprise. I want to be well, but wanting it isn’t enough. I felt good going into the shoot but was dragging by the time we finished. The conditions weren’t challenging, so this should have been easy. Why wasn’t it? Fucking cancer.
This raises the question of how long-term the chemo effects might be. My body has had two years to adapt to having the poison in my system. What happens when it’s gone? My fear is that I’ll have a boomerang effect where my body will respond negatively to the sudden shift. There’s certainly plenty of data to support that concern. There’s also a fair amount of data warning that some effects, such as fatigue and light-headedness, may never go completely away. We’ve known this for a while, but I’ve been hoping that I’d be among those who walk out with no ill effects. Now, I’m not so sure.
But then, we already know I’m crazy. Can my thoughts be trusted? Is what I’m feeling legitimate?
I looked through the news this morning and it all seemed so repetitive. The biggest takeaway is that everyone needs to vote. Election fatigue has set in and there are a lot of people, especially those on the lower end of the socioeconomic scale, who see no reason to vote because they don’t think either candidate is going to substantially help them in any way. Many fear that both candidates will make things worse for them. I can’t say that they’re wrong, but I do know that not voting is playing the victim to a crime that has yet to be committed. Over 15 million people have already voted. You should plan on doing the same.
And with that, I’m taking my meds and going back to bed, probably for the majority of the day. Fuck cancer. Fuck chemo.
And keep your fucking hands off my coffee. I’m not sharing.
Friday, February 7, 2025
More Bark, Toothless Bites.
A chill was back in the air this morning as I took the dogs out for their morning poop. A stiff wind out of the North hints at chances of freezing rain over the weekend. Our dogs can be aggressive and of late, that aggressiveness has increased some, mostly from Belvedere, the English Hound. He doesn’t like cars—any of them. He’ll stand in the yard when we’re out in the afternoon and voice his displeasure. He’s quiet when we’re out in the morning, though. He seems to understand that no one wants to hear his voice when it’s still dark. The dog understands more about getting along with neighbors than some people do.
ABC News seems to be the only major news outlet addressing a memo from the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) yesterday warning that cameras made in China could be ‘spying’ on the US. I laughed. From the moment they were invented, cameras have been used by almost every nation to spy on others, including their own people. We didn’t need digital cameras for that, nor did we need internet-connected cameras. As far back as WWII, miniaturized cameras were used to convey troop movements and other aspects of war. Nothing is going on that hasn’t been happening for decades.
What the memo specifically warns about are cameras that are ‘internet-connected.’ Again, I laughed. Cameras don’t just connect to the nearest Internet signal on their own. They have to be manually connected to a specific and the camera has to be turned on. This has been a feature on digital cameras for a couple of decades now. I never use it because it’s a pain in the ass to set up and the benefits are negligible if one isn’t close to a connected laptop or other computer. No photographer just walks around with the camera turned on, either, because a) it kills battery life, and b) most cameras automatically turn off if they’ve not been used for more than a minute or two.
There’s also the fact that few legitimate US photographers use Chinese gear. Canon, Sony, and Nikon still dominate the US market. I couldn’t even think of a Chinese brand. When I dug around a bit, I found this list of the ten most popular cameras made in China. I’ve not heard of nor encountered any of them. These are the brands I might expect to find on the bottom shelf of a ‘discount’ electronics store. They’re made largely of plastic and the quality of the glass is questionable at best. It would be a really lousy spy or a really shitty photographer who would use one of these brands.
This begs the question: why release such a useless memo? Only ABC News took the bait. Everyone else ignored it because it was meaningless. Granted, over the past three weeks, we’ve seen dozens of meaningless memos from various government agencies. Most are performative, at best, and some read as though they were written by children, which, in this administration, is quite possible. Many have been rescinded within twenty-four hours of being released.
What this memo has the potential to do, however, is make life difficult for legitimate photographers, especially photojournalists. I remember how it felt in the days immediately following 9/11, especially in New York. Simply taking my camera out of its bag on a street corner was enough to cause people to not only stare but contact the nearest beat cop. I frequently had to explain myself, though only once did it ever cause any problem (another story for another time). Now, everyone’s cell phone has a camera stronger than I had back then, and cell phones are connected to networks by default but no one bats an eye. Photojournalists, however, rarely rely on their cell phones to get the best shots. A good camera with a 200mm to 500mm zoom stands out and tends to indicate that the person holding the device knows what they’re doing (not always the case). From my perspective, the only purpose I can see in this memo is to make photojournalists targets. Yes, it’s insane, but then, so are most of the memos and edicts we’ve seen handed down the past three weeks. Sanity is not this administration’s strong suit.
There are also signs of a pushback against the illegal aspects of the administration’s overreach. A Judge temporarily blocked the Punk’s plan offering incentives for federal workers to resign. 13 states sued over DOGE access to government payment systems containing personal data. The US border czar blames leaks for hindering immigration raids in Colorado suburbs. Egypt lobbies against Punk’s plan to empty Gaza of Palestinians. Iran’s supreme leader says US talks ‘not intelligent, wise or honorable,’ Members of the U.S. House Progressive Caucus held a news conference on Thursday vowing to fire Elon Musk. There is finally some action from Democrats, but there’s still plenty of room for them to step up and do something. Anything. Just don’t expect it to happen this weekend.
Yeah, I’m aware of the hilarious (sort of) order to fight ‘anti-Christian bias.’ I’m fairly sure the only thing that order will achieve is increasing the anti-Christian bias that the church itself has created through its neverending hypocrisy. This is the Punk’s attempt to keep a dwindling evangelical movement at his side. There will ultimately be a First Amendment clash over this.
We’re going into a weekend where more people would rather complain about the dominance of the Eagles and Chiefs rather than the government. There will be tons of expensive chicken wings devoured and more than a little beer spilled. Ads will most likely be disappointing (from what I’ve seen so far). Monday could be designated as ‘National Hangover Day.’
This is a good time to be kind to yourself. Go ahead and take that nap. Indulge in your favorite comfort foods if you can. Read a good book. For all the danger we’re in, even the nut jobs in DC have trouble competing with the Super Bowl. Relax for a minute. We’ll have plenty to address next week.
Enjoy the coffee.
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