Personal Edition
This is probably not the update you were expecting. There will be two posts today, but the second one will most likely be on one of the websites I seldom use. Don’t worry, I’ll post it to Facebook for you. Yes, I’m absolutely furious over the voting results. We have a situation, though, that supersedes the coming fascism being brought into our lives. Please, by all means, pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee (I just made a fresh pot), and let’s chat.
Our house is no longer safe. I don’t want to get into the messy details, but Kat can’t come home for any length of time and I need to move into an Assisted Living facility ASAP. The problem is fixable and Kat and her Dad are working on that. However, solving the problem means extensive demolition of various parts of the house. I still have five months of chemo and unknown effects after that. I CANNOT LIVE HERE DURING THE DEMOLITION AND RECONSTRUCTION. I need your help finding an Assisted Living facility that doesn’t suck.
United Healthcare, which manages my insurance, recommends the following places:
Assisted Living
by Bloom at Eagle Creek
5045 West 52nd Street, Indianapolis, IN
Residential Services
by Benchmark Human Services
2431 Directors Row, Suite A, Indianapolis, IN
Assisted Living
by Summit Place West
55 Mission Dr, Indianapolis, IN
Assisted Living
by Oasis at 30th
5651 E 30th St, Indianapolis, IN
Community Living Services
by Putnam County Comprehensive Services Inc
810 Loews Boulevard, Greenwood, IN
Youth – Hospitality Club
by St. Augustine Home
2345 W 86th St, Indianapolis, IN
Assisted Living
by American Senior Communities (ASC)
3530 Shelby Street, Indianapolis, IN
Group Homes
by ResCare Community Living
8041 Knue Road, Indianapolis, IN
Assisted Living
by CrownPointe Communities
7365 E 16th St, Indianapolis, IN
Assisted Living
by Sanders Glen Retirement Community
334 South Cherry Street, Westfield, IN
The website lists five more, but they’re much further away, such as Bloomington, Lafayette, and South Bend. I contacted all of these through the website on Monday, but have not received a reply from any of them. I attempted to call the first two yesterday, but it did not go well. My brain went blank and I couldn’t answer the most basic questions. I stuttered and stammered through the conversations until both recommended I have someone else call on my behalf. Both sounded irritated.
I am not well. All you see of me is what I type here. These updates take more than two hours for me to write. I’ve been awake since 3:00 this morning trying to figure out exactly what to say. I can occasionally, with some warning, ramp myself up to be aware, cognizant, and conversant for a few hours. I can often walk without my cane for a while. I’ve not lost my hair and physically people can’t see any sign of my disability if I don’t want them to, and I never want them to.
When I’m here, at home, alone? I stop pretending. I spend hours doing nothing but staring at my walls because my brain won’t engage anything. The dogs have to paw hard at my arm, often leaving scratches, to get my attention. Cats will lie in my lap and I’ll not be aware that they’re present until I try to stand up. Remembering to take my medicine, especially the night set, requires setting multiple alarms. I try to not cook on the stove when I’m here by myself because I worry I’ll forget what I’m doing and accidentally burn the house down.
I am not safe. I need help.
Finances are tight. I have $127 left in my bank account to get me through the rest of the month. Bills will eat all of that and a bit more. Fortunately, the fridge and freezer are full. The only thing we’re likely to need is milk. But how am I supposed to pay for an Assisted Living facility when I’m this broke? I’m not sure I qualify for financial assistance and even if I do I’m pretty sure I am not competent enough to complete the paperwork.
I don’t want to do this. I’ll miss being around Kat and the kids. I can’t take the dogs and they won’t understand why I’m gone. I’ll be even more isolated than I already am. No one will come to visit. I’ll likely be the youngest person there and, I’m sorry, but I don’t always get along well with people who are much older than me (Tony is an exception). Depending on the facility, I may need to furnish my own furniture. I don’t have any furniture other than my bed and I need to leave that for Kat. Where am I going to get furniture? This isn’t going to be fun. I can’t imagine existing in such a place and not hating every moment. Yet, continuing to stay here is not remotely feasible. I need to be somewhere now.
I HATE admitting that I need this much help. I’ve spent the past two years trying to hide the decline and I’m failing more each day. There are days when I wish my heart would just stop beating. I’m not suicidal, mind you. I’m just ready for all this to be over. What good am I to anyone?
And the damn election didn’t make things any better.
Who am I? Why am I here? Who cares?
Thursday Morning Update: 11/07/24
Welcome to life in purgatory, and I’m not just talking about the election. Sure, that’s a heavy concern, but at this juncture, we can only speculate about what might happen and when. This is America, and life, on hold. I’m waiting to hear back from Insurance. Kat’s waiting to hear back from her PCP. G is waiting for his birthday. Tipper’s waiting on life. No one is happy. The holidays look bleak. Hope is hanging by a thread in the few places it exists.
Today is a day where I will walk as little as possible. I don’t know what happened during the night, but my right kneecap suddenly decided that it doesn’t want my leg to bend. I’m sitting here with my leg extended, trying to keep the pain down. I’ll have to use a cane when taking the dogs out.
I did get some clarification as to why I’ve not been hearing back from Assisted Living facilities. When the state of Indiana switched its Medicaid/Medicare arrangement back in July, it shifted responsibility for Medicare housing wavers to the three insurance companies managing the new plan. The insurance companies weren’t set up to address the wavers and that has resulted in a severe delay in approving them. I have to have the waver first before talking to any of the Assisted Living facilities. I’ve contacted my insurance company and have been told a case manager will call me today or tomorrow. We’ll see if that actually happens.
Kat is just stuck. You know how you’re supposed to have a follow-up visit with your PCP after a major hospital stay? No one in her PCP’s office has responded to her request for an appointment. Complete radio silence. She’s talked to the hospital and they’ve shown concern, but as of this morning, nothing definitive has happened. This is concerning. She wakes in the morning with severe pain in her chest. She doesn’t know what, if any, OTC meds she can take. She’s out of the meds prescribed when she left the hospital. I’m concerned that if someone doesn’t start paying attention to her soon, she could end up back in the hospital.
G is disappointed in some changes at school. He chose the lab because of its emphasis on individual learning, working at your own pace. However, recent changes have seen all the students gathered in one room, moving from table to table, with strict parameters on what they do during the day. He complains that it feels too much like “regular” school and that he’s not having the opportunity to collaborate with other students. The Lab is still a new concept. I understand trying to work out bugs and address the needs of all the students. G is increasingly frustrated, though, and I worry that may slow his progress.
Tipper says she’s trying to get her grades back up but I’m not seeing that reflected in her daily reports. Instead, it seems as though she’s just existing, exerting a minimal amount of effort and energy into what she does. Her engineering teacher has been out all week and that has been disappointing for her. She’s really enjoying the engineering class, which is potentially exciting, but she’s not carrying through with the fundamentals such as math and world history. How does one motivate a 14-year-old girl who is more interested in Furry matters than keeping her GPA at a reasonable level? I’m open to ideas.
I suggest keeping an eye on Hurricane Rafael as it enters the Gulf. It swept across Cuba yesterday as a category 3 storm, taking out the country’s power grid yet again. Two days ago, most forecasters were going with a model that showed the storm not growing larger than category 1. Now, as it warms and grows in the gulf, it appears as if it will make landfall somewhere between Houston and New Orleans potentially as strong as a category 4. And get this: Rafael may not be the last storm of the season. Waters in the Caribbean are still warm and there’s every reason to be concerned that we could see storms forming into December.
Okay, I’m struggling to remain coherent here. Let me give you a few headlines that are worth chasing and then I’m going to have to stop. Protests continue in Jerusalem after Netanyahu fires Israeli defense minister. Federal Reserve is set to cut interest rates again as post-election uncertainty grows. Abortion rights advocates prevailed in ballot measures in seven states, but that doesn’t resolve the issue. Scientists said 2024 will be the first year in which the planet is more than 1.5C hotter than in the 1850-1900 pre-industrial period. Germany’s Coalition Collapses, Leaving the Government Teetering. Nissan plans 9,000 job cuts, slashes annual profit outlook.
All of those stories are concerning. I’d comment on each one but… I’m struggling to form complete sentences here. This probably isn’t the best day for me to be alone, but what choice do I have? The entire nation is in limbo.
Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. I always am. I’ll just put everything on hold for another day. I’m sorry.
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