Yesterday was probably the most calm and peaceful day we’ve had in quite a while. I don’t know if it had something to do with the 47 degrees that woke us up or that neither child was medicated, but they spent the morning jointly attempting to clean Tipper’s room. While they didn’t get it done, and a lot of the things removed from the floor were eventually sent back there, they did find several of the forks that had been missing and they did it without yelling and screaming at each other. I’ll take that as a win.
One of the annual challenges we have with Mother’s Day is its inevitable proximity to Kat’s birthday on the 15th. For most people in her family, a birthday means a family dinner, but that rarely happens (I think it’s happened twice in the past 11 years). This year, Kat decided to take matters into her own hands and planned out her schedule for the week. The kids and I celebrated both Mother’s Day and her birthday yesterday. We got original Mexican food to go (easy to do in this neighborhood) and then went to the park. Of course, the park was busy, but we found a lone table sitting in tall grass and that was more than acceptable for us. We then went to the Ornithology Center to look at the birds, momentarily checked out the open mic (yeah, really), and then Kat picked out three new trees to plant in the yard. Everyone was tired but happy, so again, that counts as a win.
Once we were back home, Kat got the shovels out and the kids helped her plant the trees. Whether they’ll survive remains to be seen. I can tell one needs to be watered this morning. We’re all hopeful, though. I continued sitting out in the yard with the pups and by the time I went in everyone was ready for bed. In fact, G may have already been asleep. All around, it was a good day. Kat will continue having birthday-related events with her friends for the rest of the week, so if you see her, be sure to wish her a happy 39!
This is the last week of school for both kids. Tipper is especially excited as she’s quite ready to put middle school and Enlace Academy behind her. I think that’s normal for any 8th grader who is graduating. They’re ready to get on with life and the exciting world of high school. She’s seen the school undergo a lot of changes since she started there in kindergarten. Some friends have come and gone. Perhaps the biggest goodbye, though, will be to Ms. Theresa, her bus driver. Ms. Theresa has been the one constant across the years and she’s seen Tipper grow and mature in some fantastic ways. When we say goodbye to her on Friday, there may be some tears shed.
I had to ask G if he heard me snoring more than usual this morning. He says he didn’t hear any snoring at all and I’m a bit surprised. The content of my last-minute dream was typically ridiculous: I was driving a semi with squishy brakes and stopped to play golf at an indoor golf course where the late George Younce, bass singer for the Cathedrals quartet, was in charge. I don’t play golf unless the balls are fun colors, so the whole premise was just strange. The troubling part was the feeling that I couldn’t exhale. I could inhale just fine, but I wasn’t able to exhale. I woke up gasping for breath and I’m still puzzled as to what was actually going on. I know I feel more exhausted than usual and probably won’t waste any time going back to bed. The whole experience was strange.
The upside is that there was no new soul-crushing news when I woke up. I’m sure that will come later. The weather forecast shows chances of rain pretty much every day this week, so that could be interesting. Hopefully, we won’t have a thunderstorm right as graduation is letting out as we did with G’s graduation last year.
But for now, it’s breakfast and back to bed.
Morning Update: 05/12/24
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!
Mothers everywhere are being justly celebrated today as their children attempt to behave and not fuss and argue with each other for just one day, damnit. I understand people still get dressed up and go to church with Mom and then they all go out to lunch, which means someone’s kid and someone’s mom has to work because restaurants are in all-hands-on-deck mode for the day. The affected moms smile and say something like, “Oh, we’ll celebrate later.”
Somewhere along the line, someone will ask that we please be considerate of those who’ve lost children, or who were unable to have children. The day may be a test of resolve for those who have specifically chosen not to have children. No one wants to be left out of a party. Some will say they’re happy being dog moms or cat moms. I have a feeling some of those are lying.
We deliberately ignore those who are bad moms; the ones who are selfish, leave their kids to fend for themselves, don’t seem bothered by placing them in direct danger, the ones who leave drugs and paraphernalia lying around, whose babies desperately need diaper changes, and are living in squalor. We also ignore those kids and look down at them demeaningly as we declare that they’ll probably never be worth anything. We’re fine with letting child protective services step in, bounce children from foster home to foster home, and then wondering why the poor kids had trouble surviving as adults.
Neither do we seem to mind bombing moms and their children if they live somewhere we’ve never been and have a belief system we don’t understand. How ironic it is that we go to church with our moms while preventing others from doing the same with theirs. Apparently, we’re cool with letting some moms cry as their homes and villages are bombed out and their children lost in the carnage.
Americans, specifically, are also increasingly fine with their moms having to go back to work for peasant wages because we’ve built an economy where they can’t even pay rent with what they get from social security. We think it’s just fine that we can’t have lunch with Mom today because she’s having to work in the deli at the grocery store for minimum wage. She’s struggling, but we’re okay with that as long as the stock market is doing well. Never mind that 93% of our moms have no investment in the markets at all and that corporations’ continual drive for increased profit keeps them from being able to afford even a meager life.
We’re also far too accepting of the fact that our moms don’t come close to making as much as their male counterparts, especially if your mom is a person of color. There will be some who declare, “But look how much things have improved,” but they’ll also ignore how much distance remains to be covered. Too many still believe the nonsense that moms belong at home, taking care of the kids, keeping the house clean, and catering to daddy, who is off drinking with the boys and having an affair with a young waitress.
We also police what moms wear, denying them their personality and sexuality. We get so upset if they dress too much like their teenage daughters. We get upset if they dress too comfortably. We get upset if their dresses are too sheer. We get more upset if our 21-year-old sons find them attractive. We don’t know how to handle it if someone’s mom is out chasing the pleasures she missed when she was 20-something and home changing diapers.
We have these unreasonable expectations that Mom should be fine with “whatever.” We spend thousands of dollars to make sure that we see all the concerts, take all the trips, and indulge all our own fantasies. All Mom gets is a card and a candle. Never mind that she’s not left her home overnight in years, that none of her dreams have been fulfilled, that her shoes have holes in them, that she’s still wearing the same clothes as when you graduated from high school fifteen years ago. Mom doesn’t mind just getting by.
Some people have two moms and other people have an extra dad in place of a mom, but we’re not supposed to talk about either situation because our religious upbringing has decided that those situations are wrong.
Neither Mother’s Day nor Father’s Day is ever going to live up to the social expectation. The ideal only exists for something around 20% of the population. Parent/child relationships are fraught with difficulties and challenges because of mistakes made by both, mistakes that are sometimes deliberate. There are plenty of children who will tell their mom, “Happy Mother’s Day” only to be dismissed and ignored. There are plenty of moms who will hear nothing at all from the children they raised.
A lot of moms will shed tears today, but not all will be tears of joy. There are too many moms hurting, too many lonely moms, and too many moms who can’t bear to acknowledge the day. So if your mom is still alive, maybe you at least acknowledge that she brought you into the world, and you survived.
There’s enough hurt in the world. You have no business adding to it.
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