Funny how I can sit down at the desk first thing of the morning and think of all the things I’m going to get done, but by the time I’ve read through the news, my brain switches to, “We need to lie back down.” Anything that needs to be done outside needs to happen today, while the temperatures are near 70. Thursday’s high is 38, which will feel even colder if it snows. Seasonal temps are upon us for the rest of the week. It’s time to get ready.
Hopefully, today will be better than yesterday. I struggled to stay upright for as little as an hour and ended up spending most of the day in bed. At one point, I thought I was hearing voices again, but it turned out to just be the program that Kat was watching. I did finally get through to the neurologist’s office but the soonest they can get me in is January 29. I’m on a waiting list should a cancellation open a spot before then. The insurance company, however, still hasn’t called back. I’m not surprised.
The big news for this week, month, and year is that my oldest, Zach, finally got around to asking his girlfriend, Meg, to marry him! We knew this moment was coming, we just didn’t know when. Of course, she said yes! This brings about an exciting new season in all of our lives. No, they’ve not set a date yet, but I expect that to be coming soon. I stop now and remember that precious little tow-headed boy I once carried on my shoulders. I couldn’t be more excited!
By the way, I still have two more adult boys living with their mom. Please, feel free to take them off her hands. They’re nice guys, and perhaps that’s part of the problem. Nice guys still have a problem getting noticed because, as much as anything, they don’t want to bother anyone. Well, that and they spend an inordinate amount of time playing video games. Blame their grandparents for that. I never wanted them to get started.
Kat was finally able to see her PCP yesterday. The news is cautious. He told her that she would likely have difficulty breathing for months. That means everyone is going to have to be patient with her. Even with a schedule of only taking two clients a day, she comes home thoroughly exhausted and often falls asleep before she’s had time to eat dinner. Stress over the cumulative holidays and birthdays doesn’t help, either. She discovered yesterday that she and the kids will be doing two Thanksgivings. We’ll have ours early, probably Wednesday depending on how she and I feel next week. I think we have everything we need from a food perspective.
Paying the bills coming due is another matter. Everything hits all at once here at the end of the month and I don’t know when my check will arrive. Kat’s still waiting for a check she deposited last week to clear. I know I have nearly $200 in bills coming out before the first of the month. The way holidays hit the calendar this year, I may not get paid until December 2 or 3. We greatly appreciate the help we’ve had so far. If anyone else wants to contribute, my Venmo is @C_I_Letbetter and CashApp is $ciletbetter.
Today would have been my father’s 95th birthday. I’ve mentioned in previous years how disappointed he would be in world events. As I was combing through local news this morning, I saw this headline: ‘I have fallen short’ | Indiana Sen. Taylor addresses sexual harassment allegations. I was reminded of Poppa’s response to a tearful Jimmy Swaggart apologizing for a cheating scandal. “You can fool people all you want, but you can’t fool God.” I miss his balanced wisdom. In his honor, there will be ice cream today.
With winter rapidly approaching, it’s not surprising to see escalations rising in Russia and Ukraine. In the short time since I sat down here, Ukraine has apparently fired six US-made missiles into Russia. On Russia’s side, Putin has signed a new nuclear doctrine, lowering the bar for the conditions allowing the use of nuclear weapons. What might be more terrifying, though, is that Russia has increased production of radiation-resistant mobile bomb shelters. Why would they do that if they weren’t planning on needing them? Winters are notoriously difficult in both countries, so don’t be surprised to see them making aggressive maneuvers before the end of the year.
Lebanon and Hezbollah have approved the draft of a cease-fire agreement, but it’s unclear yet whether Israel will go along. So far, Netanyahu has been ferociously against such moves, firmly stating that there would be no rest until their goals are met. Knowing that he has staunch allies in the coming Republican administration is likely to bolster the Prime Minister’s defiance. Meanwhile, aid has been stripped from 100 trucks carrying food into Gaza. Looters are to blame. This is further proof that war brings out the worst of humanity. They are like cockroaches crawling out from under cracks in the molding.
There is so much more we could discuss, but I’m feeling the pressure from this damn headache closing in quickly. Among things worth noting, a Judge struck down Wyoming abortion laws, including an explicit ban on pills to end pregnancy while Orders for Morning-After Pills and Abortion Pills Rose After Trump’s Election. The NYC priest who allowed Sabrina Carpenter to shoot a music video in the church was further stripped of duties. Oh, and part of the roof at AT&T Stadium collapsed last night, foreshadowing another Cowboys loss.
I apologize for not having more stamina. The persistence of this headache has worn me down.
If only more coffee could be enough to solve all the problems.
Thursday Morning Update: 11/21/24
Watch the snowfall, the glimmer of tiny flakes reflected in the street lights and headlights of passing cars. Shiver as a northerly wind caresses the one tract of skin left bare while the rest of your body attempts to snuggle deeper inside a heavy coat. Even the dogs do not linger here. This first hint of the coming winter reveals how accustomed we’ve become to our planet’s warming temperatures. Like the proverbial frogs in slowly-heated water, we prefer that which leads to our demise. A snow shovel sits ready and waiting; it will see no action today, possibly not all season.
Tipper “borrowed” her mom’s heavy coat as she slipped out the back door. On a school excursion, she would visit Purdue University for her first glimpse of college life. Her mind goes back and forth in an argument with herself over whether she needs post-secondary education. Already tired of classrooms, she ponders a possible life as an artist. Surely, one doesn’t need a diploma to sell a banana for $6.2 million. But then, how long might the market for bananas taped to walls remain so bullish?
G does not harbor such fantasies. His mind struggles with the various choices that take advantage of his creativity and genius. Last night he bemoaned the imagined frustrations of a fashion designer interrupted. Today, he takes on the media world in a video interview. Perhaps tomorrow he’ll be nominated for a cabinet position. He is as well qualified as any of the others awaiting confirmation. Nothing is outside his grasp. Yet, so many choices create a different problem for his ADHD mind. He feels no rush in making a decision. There is still time to explore.
Kat struggles still with the limitations imposed by diminished breathing ability. She does not want the kids burdened with the knowledge of how close she came to no longer being present in this world. She powers on through the exhaustion. Her sleep does not last long. Both cold and hot, her body struggles to regulate temperature. Cats long to snuggle but their weight diminishes her breathing capability even more. G asked whether her lungs would ever recover their full capabilities. She had no certain answer to give him, only that time would move slowly as she inches back to her normal routine.
More poison arrives today. Only three more deliveries remain. Who knows my future after chemo? Will my energy return? Will my mind clear? Will I stand without falling? I sit here struggling to grasp at words that slip through my mind like water through a sieve. What were we discussing? Did I have anything important to say? Minutes pass into hours and I don’t recall my last thought. My coffee grows cold as it sits in the mug; I forget the most routine part of my day.
Kat asked last night if I am planning to visit the boys over the holidays. Her question caught me by surprise. No doubt, seeing the boys would be a wonderful treat. Two years have passed since I last saw Zach, Meg, and Ren. Three years without seeing Ben. Yet, I struggle to cover expenses until the end of every month. The lowest round-trip airfare is $542 plus taxes and fees. Lodging would be another $50 per night. Factor a reasonable amount for additional expenses and the total exceeds more than an entire month’s budget. My body cannot handle a long road trip; even from here to Chicago is too much. Train service to Chattanooga doesn’t exist. There is no choo-choo there. The idea has been planted, however, and a dream has begun to sprout. I fear that disappointment is the only yield.
I cannot tell if snow is still falling. With daylight, the delicate flakes become almost invisible. The thermometer warns of conditions below freezing. The dogs wait for me to return to bed.
Meanwhile, the universe asks, what is Google without Chrome? Does Jaguar still make cars? Does Campbell’s still make soup? What’s to become of MSNBC without NBC? What is rhetoric without meaning?
Solaris gently places his paws on my chest. He, too, wants me to return to bed. Still, there is food that must be eaten and meds that must be swallowed.
Will I remember to drink my coffee?
Share this:
Like this: